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Leo’s words failed him again. This always happened when he was upset. He knew the problem was he couldn’t find the words, but when he shouted the blame was placed on them. “You’re not listening to me!” He threw his hands in the air, emphasizing his emotions.
They flinched.
“No. No no no no. No.” Leo didn’t know if he said it out loud or in his head. He knew that flinch. He knew it because he’d done it. He opened his mouth to apologize and quickly shut it not knowing if his words would fail him again.
I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. The words wouldn’t come out. Leo knew this was his fault. I’m sorry. Why wouldn’t the words come out? If not for the fact that Piper had banished it, Leo might suspect he was being controlled by the eidolon again. What if she had done something wrong? What if it was back? “No,” this time he did speak aloud, but he didn’t mean to. “No it’s my fault. I did this.”
They looked at him, stammering to apologize, to comfort him. “No!” Now Leo couldn’t keep the words in. “No! It was my fault! I did this! You’re not supposed to comfort me!” He backed away from them, vigorously shaking his head. “Pathetic, can’t even keep your friend safe. We were right about you. Diablo.” The intrusive thought spoke in Tía Rosa’s voice.
“Ay no, Tía, no.” Leo responded aloud.
“Leo? Are you okay?” They asked, maintaining the distance he had put between them.
“No!” He shouted again. They flinched again. “No! No stop it!” He was yelling at himself at this point. Diablo. The word kept echoing in his mind. Diablo. His breath came short and fast. He didn’t think any of the oxygen was even reaching his lungs. His blood burned him from the inside out. Why did he feel like this? Why couldn’t he breathe? Why was he having a- “panic attack,” Leo gasped out.
Why was that a trigger? He had scared them, not the other way around. Why was he the one panicking? Why-? “Leo.” Their voice cut through his racing thoughts. “You are literally smoking. I need you to take a deep breath.” Leo squeezed his eyes shut, he didn’t see when they approached. “Leo, you need to breathe. I want to give you a hug, but I can’t because your skin will burn me.”
“No no-“ he gasped. “Don’t need-“ “Do you not need a hug or do you not think you deserve a hug?” Leo held up two fingers. He didn’t deserve it. He had triggered them, he didn’t deserve the comfort. He was supposed to be giving it. Diablo.
“Okay.” They mused, “hey Leo, I’m kinda shaky and anxious. Can I have a hug?”
“They need help and you can’t even give it to them, Diablo.” Tía Rosa’s voice again. He shook it off. Shook her off. His friend needed him.
“H-hug. Hug. I can.. I can do that.” Leo focused on cooling his skin so he wouldn’t catch them on fire when he touched them. After a few deep breaths, he was satisfied his temperature was closer to normal, albeit still a bit high. He opened his eyes. They stood just a few inches in front of him. As soon as he opened his eyes and looked at them, they wrapped their arms around him. They pretended it was for them, but deep down, he knew the hug was for him. Shame burned in his heart and he cursed himself silently for not having better control, just like when Esperanza had died - when he’d killed his own mother.