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Your eyes snapped open before blinking a few times as you adjusted to the dark room around you.
Everything felt…off. The nightmare you had felt too real.
Taking a shaky breath, you rolled over to look behind you, finding an empty space where your partner usually laid.
You sat upright with a start, trying to be rational and organize your frantic thoughts before they got too out of hand.
Toasty was about to begin a raid when you checked on them before going to bed. Work had left you feeling worn out after a really rough week, so you were planning on getting to sleep earlier than usual. Toasty understood, of course, giving you a kiss before telling you he’d join you soon.
That was around 11:00 PM. A quick glance at the clock told you that a few hours had passed.
2:14 AM.
They could still just be playing, right?
Throwing the covers off, you leapt out of bed and made your way to the bedroom door. You weren’t going to get rid of your uneasiness until you saw them. Until you knew they were okay.
You didn’t bother turning on any lights. You knew the way to the computer room by heart; it was just a quick trip down the hall and around the corner. Just a quick trip to confirm that Toasty was still there, headphones on and FFXIV in front of them.
But that wasn’t the scene that greeted you when you rounded the corner.
The room was dark, no light from the monitor and no sign of Toasty.
Your uneasiness turned to outright fear, gripping your chest and sending a pang of dread through your stomach.
They were still there, right? They had to be, it was just a nightmare, there’s no way that they were actually…
Were they?
Stumbling away from the computer room, you tried to fight off your rising panic, but it proved to be a more difficult task than you anticipated. As you hurried down the stairs, ready to check every corner of the place if you had to, the only thing you could think about was the last thing you remembered from your nightmare. That call from the hospital telling you that your partner was-
In the kitchen, holding a glass of water.
Your fear relented, leaving you feeling shaky but relieved to finally see them. As you approached the dimly lit room, Toasty looked over at the sound of your footsteps with a soft yet slightly guilty smile.
“Hey, I’m sorry if I woke you up, I just needed-”
They didn’t get a chance to finish their sentence before you rushed towards them, firmly wrapping your arms around them.
Toasty froze up, not at all expecting that reaction to seeing them and too tired to fully process what was happening at first. It didn’t take long for their confusion to turn to concern, though, when they felt just how tense you were and the way your hands were gripping their shirt like a lifeline.
Almost feeling a little panicked himself, Toasty set his glass down onto the counter and hugged you back just as tightly. He wasn’t sure what to say, if anything. Something was obviously wrong, but you definitely didn’t seem willing to talk about it quite yet and he wasn’t one to pry. So he decided to stay silent for the moment. You could always talk to him when you were ready.
After a while, they thought it would be better to move to a more comfortable spot than standing in the middle of the kitchen. Giving you a small nudge forward, they gently guided you to the living room, flipping the light switch on before leading you to the couch. All the while, you kept one hand clinging on to their shirt, as though afraid you’d somehow lose track of them.
You felt a little less tense by the time Toasty sat you both down on the sofa. Having that physical proof that they were still there helped in grounding you, but the call that your mind had conjured up refused to leave you completely.
Carefully, Toasty took the hand that had been holding on to his shirt into one of his own.
“How are you feeling, any better?”
“Yeah.” You nodded, weakly squeezing Toasty’s hand in affirmation. “Yeah, I just had a nightmare, I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to apologize, it’s okay.”
Your partner examined your face for a moment before continuing. “Do you want to talk about it? You don’t have to if you don’t want to, but I’m here if you do.”
“I’m here.”
You weren’t sure if hearing that from Toasty comforted you or reminded you of the fear you felt when you thought they weren’t there. Maybe both, since the breath you took in before speaking ended up shakier than you thought it’d be.
“I was…I had just come home from work. You weren’t there yet, but I didn’t think anything of it, so I started doing something, I don’t really remember what.”
But you did remember what had happened next. Trying to find the will to say it out loud turned out to be a lot tougher than you expected. It was just a nightmare, you knew everything was fine, but it still took a few moments for you to keep going. Your partner, meanwhile, was as patient as ever, waiting silently and not pressuring you to keep talking before you were ready to do so.
“But then I got a call from the hospital, and I picked up and they said you…they said that you were…gone.”
You were only able to barely force the last word out, but once you had, the floodgates opened, resurfacing the terror you’d felt and causing your next words to tumble out with you unable to stop them.
“And then I woke up and you weren’t there, so I thought maybe you were still playing XIV, but when I got up to check you weren’t there either, and I was terrified that you were really-”
Your throat grew more strained with each passing word, ultimately leaving you unable to finish your sentence. Toasty immediately pulled you into a tight hold, and your arms found their way around him again.
“Hey, hey, it’s okay, I’m right here.” They gently started rubbing your back. “I’m okay, I promise.”
You weakly nodded against Toasty’s shoulder as you tried to regain your composure. All of your focus was on your partner, their calm breathing helping you steady your own. For a while, they just kept holding on to you, muttering reassurances that everything was okay, they’ve got you, they weren’t going anywhere.
Once you had enough confidence that your voice wouldn’t break, you spoke up after what felt like hours.
“I just don’t want to lose you.”
The words left your mouth as barely a whisper, and the lack of response from Toasty made you think they hadn’t heard you. But after a few moments of still silence, your partner’s embrace loosened as they pulled away from you. Their arms left your sides in favor of bringing their hands up to cup your face.
“You won’t lose me.” They glanced down, trying to find the exact words for what they wanted to say. Absently, they brushed your cheek with one of their thumbs as they thought.
“I know I can’t exactly promise that nothing will ever happen, but I’m here now.” He took a breath and looked back up at you. “And for as long as I am, you won’t lose me. I can and will promise that.”
Placing one hand on top of theirs, you gave Toasty a small smile. “Thank you.”
They gave you their own soft smile in return before leaning forward to press a kiss to your forehead. Leaning back again, they took in your expression.
“You feeling up to try sleeping or did you want to stay up?”
Exhausted from the whole ordeal, you shook your head. “I think I can try to sleep.”
Toasty gave you a quick nod before standing. You followed him into the kitchen where he got you some water to take upstairs. Reminding him to grab his own glass from before to take too, you flipped off the lights and made your way back to the bedroom.
Once you both made it, you slipped under the covers that you’d tossed away earlier. Toasty climbed in next to you, getting close enough to wrap their arms around you. You curled into their chest, close enough to hear their steady heartbeat, a gentle and final reminder to you that everything was alright.
Just as you felt yourself about to drift off to sleep, one final thing you wanted-no, needed-to say entered your mind.
"You know I love you, right?"
You felt Toasty smile against your head, and they pulled you ever so slightly closer to them.
"I do. And I love you too. A lot."
A sleepy smile of your own settled on your face, and your eyes drifted closed.
Content and finally relaxed in your partner’s arms, it didn’t take you much longer to fall asleep, this time without a single nightmare.