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If there was one thing the Roy family had in common is that they had a fucked up meaning of love. They didn’t really know what true love was or if they had ever experienced it, they had completely shut it down from their lives. All except for Connor. He was different, there was no denying that. But it wasn’t because he had never been interested in his father’s company or becoming CEO. His difference lay in the fact that he knew what love was. He hadn’t found it in the most conventional way and truth was he had paid for it for a long time, but it was there. Willa had been the only constant in his life and in her own way, she loved him too. So despite what everyone may say by taking one simple look at the Roy family, Connor did know what love meant.
If Roman had known the eldest brother better and hadn’t underestimated him so much, he wouldn’t have been surprised to receive a text from Connor that pointed him in the right direction.
Roman could breathe. Really breathe. In the sense that he didn’t feel every breath he took had to be excused or explained or justified in the eyes of his father or his brother. He was free. He didn’t owe anything to anyone and he didn’t have to report back to anyone. The rest of his life was in his hands. Even though that thought was terrifying, it was also exciting to finally start living for himself for the first time in his life. But the first thing he did after receiving his freedom was sit down at the bar he had been to many times before with one cold-hearted bitch.
Many times after board meetings or a hard day, he had found himself sitting on the same barstool next to Gerri. He would poke her, tease her, and provoke her, earning a reaction only the blonde knew how to deliver. She would nurse her martini, saying she was only having one (Roman knew her better than that) while he downed three glasses of scotch and waited for her to catch up. She always did in numbers, but Gerri never lost her posture or her senses; she always remained in control.
He smiled to himself thinking back on those nights as the bartender placed the martini in front of him. Roman needed comfort and he knew in that moment he would only find it at the bottom of her favorite drink. He couldn’t call her. He couldn’t text her. He doubted she wanted to see him or cared to see him for that matter. Could he blame her? He had been a royal fuck up. If she had said he believed he could be like his father, they wouldn’t have ended up with him firing her. But the truth that Roman may never see nor understand was that Gerri knew Roman could be better than his father. She believed in him and she would have gotten him there if he hadn’t worked so hard to screw himself over.
When his phone vibrated, he didn’t expect to read the name “Connor Roy” on his screen. Connor usually called, he preferred that to texting (Roman hated it), so this was weird. As he opened the text, he could read the words: “I don’t know what it is the two of you had, but you don’t look at someone in a video the way you looked at this one if you didn’t love them. Maybe now you’re free to love her too.” Attached was the cropped video of Gerri saying the limerick.
Roman hadn’t realized Connor had been watching him or had been watching him close enough to realize there was something else in the way he looked at Gerri. It had taken him by surprise to see his father enjoying life. Genuinely enjoying the time with those who knew him best and having a good time. But it had surprised him more to see Gerri being Gerri and not General Counsel Gerri. She was enjoying her time too. She was laughing and smiling and saying the limerick like it had been her party trick all along. It was watching that, watching her, that he realized he had fallen in love with her somewhere between the foreplay, belittling, and phone-sex.
He didn’t know love, but he had a feeling it felt a lot like she made him feel. When he was with her, he felt safe. Oddly enough, he felt as if she wouldn’t judge him. She had never actually judged him beyond their teasing. So if love was somehow going to manifest in his life, he believed it was through Gerri. He was a Roy, he didn’t believe he deserved love, but maybe that was it.
He smelled the perfume behind him before he heard her voice saying, “A martini. Really?” He was sure that if they covered his eyes and told him to find his way home, he would be able to do it by smelling her perfume. He could signal her out by it in any crowd.
“What can I say? I’m a simple man.”
“Martinis aren’t a simple drink,” she said, sitting on the barstool next to him and bringing his glass to her lips. “Have I taught you nothing, Roman?” She teased before taking a sip and placing the drink back on the bartop.
“I think we’ve established there was more you could have taught me, Ger-Bear.” He motioned for the bartender to make another one and allowed her to keep the martini that had minutes ago belonged to him. He would have given her the world if she didn’t already own his.
Gerri took another sip of the martini and for a moment he felt as if she wasn’t sure of what to say next or how to say it. When he heard her speak, he understood why. “It broke my heart to see you break down at your father’s funeral.” She looked at him. “Go ahead, ‘you don’t have a heart’ or ‘your heart is made of stone.’ But it’s true.”
“I wasn’t going to say that.” He would have in the past.
“Cold-hearted bitch, remembed?”
“I know what I’ve said, but you want to know the truth?” She didn’t answer his question. “I feel like you were the only one who ever understood me. Who saw me exactly as I was.”
“That’s because I did understand you, Rome. I saw you as more than Logan Roy’s boy.”
“I didn’t see myself as more than that.”
“Then maybe that was the problem.”
He didn’t know what to say because he understood now that she was right. The moment he signed the papers selling the company, he felt the weight lifted off his shoulders. He was no longer fighting to make Logan proud. He no longer cared whether his father would have approved of his decision or not. He knew it was all bullshit, they were all mere pieces in a game they had never controlled. He understood that and he knew Shiv understood it the moment she voted “yes” to save their brother from becoming their father. But Kendall may never understand it.
“For whatever’s worth, I’m sorry, Gerri. I know I fucked up. I shouldn’t have fired you…twice. I should have stuck with you like we had planned.”
“As long as it’s a real apology, it will always be worth something. But, for whatever’s worth,” she grinned over the martini glass, “I understand. Your father was a complicated man and he made everyone feel like they needed to constantly prove themselves.”
“Not you.”
“I let my work speak for itself.”
It was true. Gerri had never been afraid of Logan because she knew he needed her. She brought a lot of worth and security to the table, something that wasn’t easy to come by. Something he knew he would miss if he really lost her. That’s why he never truly fired him. And Gerri, who had found out by Karolina, knew Logan had sent Roman to fire her because it would hurt him more than anything. He wanted to hurt his son to put an end to whatever relationship they had. He knew it would hurt Gerri to receive the betrayal by the hand of someone she loved.
She would have surprised herself a few months back if her thoughts had pointed to loving Roman, but she had now made her peace with it. He had gotten under her skin in a way she hadn’t felt since the day she met her husband. There was something about Roman that made her feel alive and she thanked him for that. It was messy, chaotic, and borderline toxic, but she knew he understood her in ways no one else could. He had been her saving grace in the chaos until he decided to try and become Logan.
“You didn’t kill him, Roman. He was dead before you left your voicemail.” It caught him off guard and she could tell by the look on his face. “Marcia had Karolina go through his voicemails in case there was anything there. By the time you sent that, he was already gone. He didn’t hear it. And even if he had, that wouldn’t have been the cause of his death.”
“How…”
He didn’t have to finish the sentence. “Your breakdown at the funeral was more than ‘I’m going to miss daddy.’ It was raw and it was full of guilt. But I hope you can put that guilt to rest because it wasn’t your fault.”
“Thank you.”
“What all does that thank you cover?” She sipped on the last drop of martini.
“Everything you’ve done for me,” he smiled. A Roman smile he only had for her. “Unless you take the job with Tom.”
“Might as well start taking it back now then.”
“Did you already take it?”
“Not officially. I told Tom he better be ready to pay a large sum.”
“I’m sure he will. He knows what’s good for him.”
“Maybe,” she gracefully hopped off her barstool, “you can join me for another one of these when the days are hard and the board meetings are annoying.”
“You call and I’ll come, Ger-Bear.”
“Literally,” she teased before walking out of the bar.
Roman watched her leave and his breath felt free again. He had lost so much, but he realized he was winning so much in exchange because maybe now he was free to love her. And if in the end he had Gerri, he didn’t care about anything else.