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I’m the biggest idiot in the entire universe.
Doppo glared at his reflection in the window. The detestable image swayed and jittered with the vibrations of the rumbling metro car. He shook his head, allowing more hair to fall into his eyes. He hoped he’d blink and get some caught on his eyeball, destroying his pupils, rendering him blind forever. He deserved it.
That fucking boss—yes, the bald one, is it ever anyone else?—had dropped a two ton stack of paperwork on his desk at 4:50. “These need to be processed before 9 AM tomorrow,” he’d said. “I can trust that to you, right, Kannonzaka?” And like the ridiculous patsy he was, Doppo had nodded his head. God, he was kicking himself for it. He’d done the paperwork and had done it well too. He may have felt nasty and resentful about the last-minute task, but the clients in question didn’t deserve a half-assed job, so he’d taken his time and worked thoroughly. That was what landed him here, on the 10 PM train home, not the 5:30 train that he was supposed to take, the 5:30 train that, frankly, he never took.
What’s more, it was crowded as all hell. For whatever reason, everyone and their mother decided to take the 10 PM train too. Maybe because it was Friday. They all had somewhere exciting to be, Doppo figured, like meeting up with friends for a drink or going out to dance the night away. It would explain all of the young people. They were dressed up nice and fresh while Doppo stood there in his uncomfortable suit. Too tight on his thighs and his arms, restricting his belly, and now on hour fifteen of time spent being worn, which unfortunately was not even a new high score.
I must stink by now… After all, I’ve been sweating all day. So disgusting…
At the next station, more people pushed inside the train car. Doppo tried to make himself as small as possible. It didn’t work. His wide hips took up too much room. A few strangers bumped into him, accidentally of course, but it still made Doppo feel ashamed. He heard two young women nearby whispering and giggling. What if they were talking about him? No, they likely weren’t—but there was a chance. There was a chance everyone here was disgusted by him. Doppo closed his eyes tight.
He soothed his racing panic with one thought: you . That’s one thing he had that nobody else did. He smiled to himself, though tremulously. You, you, you…
God fucking dammit. You were still waiting for him to come home. You must be angry as all hell that he wasn’t in time for dinner.
Idiot, idiot, idiot, idiot!!
Doppo gritted his teeth and resisted the urge to punch himself in the nose. He eyed the closed train door like a bull glowered at a red cape. The second it opened at his stop, he hurried onto the platform and started walking with renewed vigor. He rushed home so quickly that he barely paused to say “excuse me” to the crowds he shouldered his way through. He was a red-faced and panting mess by the time he made it to the front lobby of the apartment building.
I owe the inventor of the elevator a life debt…
In no time—but still longer than Doppo would have liked—he had the key in the lock and was opening the door to the apartment you two shared. Just down the hall lived his childhood best friend, Hifumi, who must have left for work less than an hour ago. Doppo knew this because he knew his friend’s schedule fairly well, but more to the point, he’d walked through a cough-inducing cloud of rose and musk cologne in the corridor. He was still gagging and licking his lips as he changed from his work shoes into house slippers.
The apartment was dark and quiet but for the lone light in the kitchen and the hum of the aircon. Doppo peeked his head around the archway. The sight of the kitchen table made him wince. Two ice cold dinners sat there untouched. A loose layer of plastic wrap was covering both of them.
Why didn’t you eat without me…?
Doppo couldn’t deny that he was starving. The last meal he’d eaten had been at noon when he’d hastily stuffed his face with convenience store onigiri. He’d had nothing but water (some) and energy drinks (lots) since then. Though he felt his stomach rumbling, all Doppo did was make himself a glass of water, which he chugged. He didn’t deserve the nice home cooked meal that you had made. At least, not when he wasn’t eating it with you.
The next order of business was to take off his work clothes and change into pajamas. On his way to the bedroom, however, he stopped by the living room couch. You were laying there with your head lolled against the back cushion, phone on your chest and fast asleep. Doppo’s miserable heart warmed and melted at the sight of the gentle expression on your face. He approached and, with a feather-light touch, trailed his fingertips across the rise of your brow bone. The back of his knuckle then curved around your cheek until he was holding your chin. His thumbnail tenderly brushed your bottom lip.
Why does someone so wonderful love someone like me?
He leaned down to give you a soft kiss. His heart felt full to bursting from the simple act of merely touching you. But when he raised his head and saw your open eyes peering at him, he instantly jolted back in surprise. Doppo nearly fell to the floor with how quickly he stood and drew in his arms.
“Oh! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to wake you! I was just–” Before he could keep prattling on, your face burst into a happy grin so luminous that it rendered him speechless. Doppo opened and closed his mouth a few times, dumbfounded. He stood stock still, even when you jumped up to wrap him in a hug.
“Welcome home!” you shouted, albeit muffled, with your face nuzzled into his soft chest. “God, I’m glad you’re okay. You didn’t text saying you’d be coming home late tonight, so I was all worried…”
Doppo flinched as if you’d just kneed him in the groin. Your head popped up immediately, and you looked at him with concern.
“Doppo? What’s wrong, honey?”
“I…I…forgot to text you…” he dismally whined. “Oh my god… I was so busy trying to get everything done quickly, I didn’t look at my phone, not once… I’m so sorry. That was so terrible of me to do. I should have considered your feelings, and the fact that you were waiting for me with dinner, but instead I’ve done nothing but treat you horribly today, and most likely every single moment we’ve ever spent together. I am so, so sorry. I understand entirely if you can’t forgive–”
You shut him up with a kiss. With your hands cupping his face, Doppo melted into your caress, and he finally raised his arms to wrap them around your waist. The two of you were pressed chest to chest, so warm in each other’s arms, so sweet on each other’s lips. In his mind, he was still spiraling, but his tongue was too busy to verbalize it.
You kissed him until his self-punishing thoughts were quieted to a distant murmur. When you pulled away, Doppo’s head trailed after you without his thinking, a magnetic pull to you that he couldn’t resist. You laughed and brought up a hand to cutely boop his nose.
“I love you,” you said matter-of-factly, like it was an obvious universal truth. His heart twisted and fluttered. “I forgive you, too. I’m just happy you’re here.” Now, it was your turn to look a little flustered. “I, uh…I didn’t mean to fall asleep. But I guess one second I was scrolling, and the next, I was out.”
“Wouldn’t you rather do that in bed?” Doppo asked, tilting his head.
You chuckled. “If I were in the bedroom, I wouldn’t be out here to welcome you home!”
Doppo couldn’t help but laugh along with you. “Y-You were asleep anyway…!”
“That’s true, but like I said, I really didn’t mean to. But now that you’re home, I wanna snuggle!” You hugged him tight again, slipping your hands under his suit jacket to affectionately squish the rolls of fat on his sides. It made Doppo feel incredibly bashful, but he didn’t say anything. However, you unexpectedly stopped, looked back at him, and exclaimed, “Oh! But you need dinner first!”
“We both need dinner,” Doppo said. “Thank you so much for making it.”
With a smile, you replied, “Of course! I’d do anything for you.”
Your sweet and flirtatious tone made him smile too, but his brain said, Why?
He was left with the weight of that thought on his shoulders as you scurried away to the kitchen. He listened to the clink of the plates and the hum of the microwave without moving a muscle. Slowly, his smile sank, his knees sank, and Doppo ended up curled up on the couch in self-flagellating misery.
I don’t deserve any of this… I don’t deserve your love… I don’t deserve your food…
“Doppo? Doppo, honey?”
I’m not lovable… I’m just a tool…for my bald boss… I’m not even a person…
“Doppo! Doppo, you still need to eat. Wake up!”
His eyes shot open. Had he really fallen asleep? You were sitting at his side, two steaming plates of food on a dinner tray on your lap. Your grin was angelic to him. You reached out a hand to him, his savior, to pull him from the depths of dark despair—ah, but between your fingers was a pair of chopsticks.
“Th-Thank you…” He took them graciously. The two of you ate in silence. Doppo felt too uncomfortable with himself to speak. And besides, he was starving. He scarfed it down.
When you finished, you turned to him and said, “Let’s go straight to bed.”
Doppo furrowed his brow. “I-I still need to shower. And do the dishes…!”
“Oh, they’ll be fine for one night. And tomorrow’s Saturday! You can shower in the morning.”
“If…you’re sure…”
“Of course! We both passed out on the couch. haha. We’ll be more comfy in bed.”
Doppo started to protest, but you set aside the dirty dishes and pulled him up to his feet. Before he knew it, Doppo was walking behind you into your shared bedroom. His feet followed you without much thought. He floated in a half-dream, all his exhaustion seeping through his every cell now that he’d finally had a proper meal. He watched you pull back the covers, arrange the pillows, then walk towards him and put your hands on his shoulders. You slid off his suit jacket without any resistance from him. His employee ID lanyard followed and was tossed onto the nearby dresser. Then, you started unbuttoning his shirt.
Then, you started… what?!
“Ah!” Doppo’s hand flew up to catch yours. Your curious expression was crossed with concern. His breath fluttered, coming out as an anxious laugh. He said, “I can do this part by myself… Don’t trouble yourself…”
Your raised brow expressed your incredulity. Doppo could feel his face heating up.
“You look like you’re going to fall back asleep just standing there,” you said in a tender tone of voice. “Let me help you.”
Doppo’s lip wavered. Finally, he conceded.
“Alright,” he said and held out his arms. You went right back to work, pulling his shirt off of him easily. The feeling of fabric gliding across his skin, and more than that, the instant relief of freedom and cool air, made him release a breath he hadn’t known he was holding. You unbuckled his pants, he shimmied them off, and soon enough, Doppo had on sweatpants and a comfortable black tee.
“Muuuuuch better,” you cooed and prodded him into the bed. He fell like a tree.
“Aaaah,” Doppo sighed in relief, curling his arms under a pillow. He heard you giggle, which made him smile, and he felt your body slide into the covers beside him.
“Let me in,” you whispered. Doppo took out one arm and wrapped it around you. You sounded so happy and giddy to be held by him that it made his smile even wider.
“You comfy?” you asked.
“Yes. Uh, are you?”
“Heheheh. Yes. Very.”
You snuggled into his warm embrace and nuzzled your face against his pillowy upper arm. Doppo could feel your breath tickling his neck. He tried to pace the rhythm of his breathing to yours, following the rise and fall he felt on your back. Although you never fell into perfect sync, he knew that your hearts must have been beating as one.
He was almost fast asleep again, but something woke him up. It was your hands on his round belly, kneading and squishing his softness. Your fingernails trailed across the grooves of his pale stretch marks. A chill ran down Doppo’s spine. You were giving his tummy gentle, innocent touches, not meant to bother him or rile him up, only to adore him. You sank your fingers lightly into his belly and hummed in satisfaction.
“A-Ah!…” Doppo gasped, a sound of equal parts pleasure and embarrassment. It felt so nice to be touched by you, no matter the intention behind it. He felt your hands slide up his torso, running over each roll of fat with affection and care, until your whole body was pressed flush to his and your arms were wrapped tight around him. You mumbled something into his chest, where your face was nestled between his pecs. Doppo looked down at you and unintentionally bonked his chin on the crown of your head.
“Oh! Sorry… Um, what did you say?”
You turned your head and whispered up to him, “I love you, Doppo.”
His Adam’s apple bobbed with the force of his gulp. His next words tumbled out of his mouth before he could catch them.
“E-Even though I’m…?” He couldn’t bear to finish the thought, not out loud. How mortifying that would be.
He felt your lips on his neck, giving him kisses. Another chill ran through him.
“I love you, Doppo,” you repeated, louder this time, “exactly the way you are.”
His heart thundered in his chest. Why, why, why? The chorus repeated again and again. You, meanwhile, trailed kisses along the arc of his jaw. Kiss, kiss, kiss, until your reverent lips on his flushed skin were all he could feel. He closed his eyes tight and quieted his brain down to just one thought: you . How much he loved you, how much you meant to him, how your love and care made his life bearable, joyful, and worth living. You, you, you…
“I love you, too,” he said, certain and confident. “I love you so, so much.”
The two of you fell asleep wrapped up in each other’s love.