Chapter Text
Steve loves Eddie. He’s sure of it now, in this moment. Watching him conduct his last D&D campaign with the kids, his eyes alight, arms flailing through the air, smile high on his cheeks. The afternoon sun is shining on his brunette curls in the dark of the room as he launches into the story, and he looks ethereal. And Steve is in love with him. And he leaves Hawkins tomorrow with Corroded Coffin for their first small tour. And Steve is doomed. His heart swells and quickly deflates, breaks in two as everything settles in.
Steve has never liked a guy before. At least not that he really knew of. And it’s not like he didn’t know he had feelings for Eddie, he just chose not to acknowledge them. I mean Eddie was way too cool for him. All leather jacket, rock n roll, loudly himself. And Steve. Steve was just Steve. Sure, back in high school he had “all of the girls in the palm of his hand.” But he never really cared. For Nancy, yes. But anyone else? Forget it. And now? Now all he cared about was the kids. And Robin. And Eddie. Eddie’s too cool for him, could never be interested.
Steve wasn’t even sure what he’d say to him anyways. How he’d tell Eddie that he’d fallen head over heels for him. He didn’t even know what he was. Eddie was out and proud, Steve knew he liked men. But Steve had never felt this before. He didn’t understand it. Was he bisexual? I mean, if he didn’t even know how he identified, how could he tell Eddie? He didn’t even know where to start. Not even Robin knew. Because Steve hadn’t really known. Until now. And Eddie. He thought Steve was the straightest person to ever walk the planet. Would make jokes about it, not noticing the way it stung Steve’s heart. The way the words hit him in the chest. “No, no, Rob. Steve’s way too straight to know what Rocky Horror is.” Little comments like that, more often than Steve felt necessary. And they’d hit him hard. Over, and over, like waves beating the sand. And yet, he could never figure out why. Why it hurt so bad. Now it all made sense.
Eddie suddenly clatters back into his chair, ripping Steve out of his thoughts and back into his living room. Eddie’s eyes flash over to Steve, a smirk pulling at his lips. Steve freezes. How is he supposed to respond to that now that he knows he’s in love with him? In love with a man who would never feel the same. A man who thinks he’s as straight as a pole. He pulls his lips into a small smile, not unlike the one he reserves for the weird not-smile greeting thing that everyone does when they pass a random person on the street. Eddie’s brow creases in confusion, but his eyes are pulled away from Steve as Dustin yells something about Mike’s dumb plan getting them killed.
Steve watches him, the way his eyes are glowing in the golden light of the room as he regards Dustin. Watches him and thinks about what his life would be if Eddie hadn’t shown up. Torn his way into Steve’s life with his loud laughter, dark eyeliner, and soft smile. Clawed his way into his heart through quiet flirting and soft touches. Steve feels sick. His stomach twisting with the knowledge that this is it. All of that fighting his way into Steve’s heart, only to rip it out. This is the last time he’ll see Eddie for months, probably. In an hour or two, the game will finish and Eddie will pack up, throw a wink at Steve, and walk out the front door. Not passing the threshold again for months. Leaving Steve behind. He tries to convince himself that this is for the better. That if Eddie leaves tomorrow, Steve never has to face him. At least, not for a while. He won’t have to see him daily anymore. Won’t have to feel the ache in his bones, the want, the need to love him. Won’t have to pretend that the shameless flirting doesn’t hurt his feelings. No. That will all go away. Good. Maybe he’ll get over it. Eddie doesn’t need to hear it. But it hurts. It’s ripping Steve apart, actually.
Suddenly he shoots up out of his seat, he has to get out. He has to get away from him. Who cares if it’s his house, he can leave, right? The whole room turns to Steve, confusion filling their faces at Steve’s abrupt shooting out of his seat.
“Uh. I need some air.” He bolts for the door and he’s out in a second.