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The annual fairy ball of Solaria was in one hour and Stella was dreading every single second of it. She knew it was her own fault for why she was this upset, it was her decision to attend the ball with Sky and not her actual girlfriend, Beatrix.
Her actual girlfriend, that no one knew about.
Stella had been secretly dating the auburn-haired fairy for three months now and Beatrix understood why they had to hide. She never blamed Stella for that but Stella knew deep down that she hated it, she hated being her secret and she hated that she had to ask Bloom, her ex girlfriend, to attend the ball tonight. It’s not like Stella didn’t hate it either. She hated that she couldn’t have a normal life and how easy it would be to be with Beatrix if she wasn’t the princess. Instead, she had to watch Beatrix dance with someone else since she chose not to come out. And, It’s not like she didn’t want to, she did actually but she didn’t want all of the things that came with it. Her mother would literally disown her if she knew the truth, if she knew that there would never be a king. That her daughter isn’t and has never been interested in men. The target that would be on Beatrix’s back if the entire world knew about them.
She wouldn’t just be coming out to her mother, she would be coming out to the world. She was the princess who was destined to be the next queen, what would everyone say if their next queen was a lesbian? Stella just didn’t know if she could handle everyone talking about her personal life like that, at least not yet so she stayed in the closet where it was comfortable. Where she could still be happy with Beatrix behind closed doors. But was Stella really happy? Keeping this kind of secret?
No, Stella was miserable about it.
The only time she could ever be herself, her true self was when she was with Beatrix. Falling for the dark, orphaned fairy was the last thing she thought would ever happen. They were enemies for a long time, to the point that Stella hated being in the same room as Beatrix but then everything changed one night. Even then, Stella was convinced that it was just sex and nothing more but time only told her that there was so much more between them.
And in one hour, she had to watch Beatrix dance with her ex-girlfriend which was another kind of torture.
But I deserve it since I’m the reason we’re here, she tells herself anyway.
Stella knew she had no reason to be jealous, Beatrix never gave her any reason to believe that she still had feelings for the fire fairy. They were long over but Stella couldn’t help but feel a pit in her stomach every time she thought about it.
That’s not why Stella is jealous though…
It had nothing to do with Bloom herself. Maybe it was the fact that they could dance freely with everyone watching and no one would question it. She wanted that life. She wanted that for her and Beatrix.
Stella was suddenly interrupted by her thoughts when she heard her door close shut.
That’s strange, I swear I closed it when I walked in… she thought to herself.
Stella turned around and she saw her girlfriend standing right in front of her. You could say Stella was starstruck, but that would be an understatement. Beatrix was wearing this black lace dress that came down to just above her knees. She had these silver boots that went with the dress perfectly and this outfit was so Beatrix. Elegant but also still giving that dark and mysterious vibe that she had about herself.
“You’re gorgeous.” Stella smiled looking at her girlfriend. It was the first thought that came to her mind, she didn’t even think first, the words just came out.
“I know.” Beatrix smiled. It’s one of the things that Stella loved about her, she was confident in herself and of course she would be when she looked like that. There was no denying how hot she looked right now.
Stella was still staring at her girlfriend, kind of in awe at how good she looked and it wasn’t until Beatrix kissed her lips that she was brought back to reality. They had shared more kisses than she could even remember but every single time it felt like she was taken to another world.
Shut up. I know that sounds so cliche.
Beatrix pulled away with a smirk on her face as she knew that would get her girlfriend’s attention. Stella rolled her eyes but couldn’t help but smile at the thought.
“What was that for?” Stella asked Beatrix, smiling.
“Well…” Beatrix tucked one of the strands of Stella’s hair that was covering her face, behind her ear in a flirtatious remark. “Since I can’t do that tonight, I wanted to do it now.” Beatrix smiled.
This didn’t make Stella smile, not even at all. Stella pulled away, feeling guilty that they couldn’t be together, well not really together. Beatrix always acted like not being together didn’t affect her but she knew that it did, that’s why she always joked about it.
Beatrix noticed that she hit a nerve and grabbed the hand of the light fairy, making her turn around so she was facing her.
“Babe, it’s okay. You know seeing you with Sky doesn’t affect me.” Beatrix tried to reassure Stella, assuming this is what she was worried about.
“What if it affects me?” Stella looked up at Beatrix, finally being honest. What if I was wrong? Maybe Beatrix was so okay with keeping them a secret because that’s all she wanted too.
Beatrix gave Stella the most puzzled expression.
“What if I don’t want to go with Sky? What if I want to go with you?” Stella finally admitted to her girlfriend, holding her hand even tighter than she was before.
“Stella…” Beatrix softly spoke. She had no idea why Stella was saying this all of a sudden. The first thing that Stella told Beatrix when they started dating was that they would never be in a public relationship. At least, not for a long time and Beatrix understood that. She didn’t care as long as she got to be with the princess, she was fine with it. But now Stella was going back on her word and Beatrix didn’t understand why.
The silence was concerning Stella since Beatrix never continued. “What? Unless you don’t want that? Unless you want to be with Bloom.” Stella let out a huff. Her insecurities were coming through.
Maybe she was a little jealous.
“Bloom? That’s why you’re acting like this?” Beatrix finally understood where this was coming from. “You’re jealous I’m going with her tonight. Well it’s not like I had many choices, Stella.” Beatrix said with annoyance in her tone.
“Do I have a reason to be? She’s your ex and It’s like you don’t even want to go with me.” Stella was still staring at Beatrix but her face wasn’t full of light anymore, it was filled with a lot more guilt and sadness. Beatrix pulled her hand away from Stella. She was so annoyed with how her girlfriend was acting right now.
What right did she have? This was her idea.
“Of course I want to go with you! I would do anything to hold your hand in public, to dance with you under the moonlight, to fucking kiss you for the whole world to see. But we made a deal, remember? We can never do those things. Your words not mine.” Beatrix snapped at Stella and going by the way Stella stood backwards, her words physically hurt her.
Stella wasn’t shocked that Beatrix reacted that way, she basically forced her too but she was still taken back by her words. Stella finally gathered her thoughts to say something. “I know I said that but…” Stella wanted to tell Beatrix everything she was feeling but she stopped before she could say anything more.
“But nothing, Stella. I’ll see you tonight. Okay? After the party, like we promised.” Beatrix nodded. She knew what Stella was going to say. That she didn’t care about what anyone thought. That she just wanted to be with her and maybe that was true. But Beatrix knew Stella and she knew that she would regret it. Not exactly being with her, Beatrix knew how much Stella loved her.
Though they haven’t said those exact words yet…
But she would regret coming out before she was ready and Beatrix was not going to be the reason she did it. No matter how much she wanted to be with the princess in the public eye.
Beatrix gave Stella a kiss on the cheek before leaving, to give the princess some confirmation that they were okay. That this fight was just a fight and nothing more. That this wouldn’t change anything between them.
“Bea wait…” Stella softly spoke which made Beatrix stop right before opening the doorknob, on Stella’s door. Beatrix stood there for a few moments but she didn’t turn around. She knew if she did she wouldn’t be able to control herself and they were running out of time. Sky was going to come here any minute and then that would force Stella out of the closet and that’s the last thing Stella needed right now.
“By the way, you look beautiful.” Beatrix finally spoke. She wasn’t able to tell Stella how beautiful she looked before because of their fight but… My god she really is a princess.
It was no shock that Stella had chosen a pink dress to wear to the ball, it was her favorite color even though Beatrix hated pink. But she hated it a little less whenever she saw it on the princess. It was a darker shade of pink which looked so beautiful with Stella’s complexion. The dress had puffed sleeves and only someone tall could really pull it off because of the length and it just wouldn’t look as good on someone shorter than Stella. She was wearing white heels that had a shade of pink through them that matched the dress perfectly, even though it made Stella taller.
She really doesn’t need to be taller but she’s beautiful so it’s fine.
“They won’t know what hit them.” Beatrix continued before opening the door, leaving Stella standing there alone. Stella felt some guilt for even having this fight with her but only Beatrix could make her smile after something like that. For the first time all night, she didn’t feel dread about the upcoming ball. As long as she had Beatrix to come home to, that’s all that mattered to her.
--
The only thing that Stella got a say in was the food, for tonight’s ball. She convinced her mother to serve macaroons on the menu. There were main meals to choose from as well but Stella never ate too much at these kinds of events. She never had a big appetite because her anxiety was always through the roof trying to keep up appearances. So, nibbling on something small while having her favorite glass of wine was enough to keep her sane during the night.
Stella’s jealousy was getting more and more obvious the longer the night went on. All Stella could do was stare at Beatrix and Bloom at the other table.
Why are they laughing so loud? Musa could hear them with her headphones on.
She hasn’t seen Beatrix this happy in a long time. At least not in public. Was her secret draining her? If Stella wasn’t careful her actions would be the one to out her, since Sky was picking up on it too.
“How long have you been dating her?” Sky asked Stella which made her turn around instantly.
“What I’m not-” Stella started to stutter her words, but she knew it was no use hiding it from him. Sky had known her since they were five. There was probably no one in the world that knew her in the way that he did. But there was always one thing he didn’t know, that she was never into him. No matter how much their moms tried to push them towards each other.
“Come on, Stel. You’re huffing every time you look over there. You can’t stop staring at Bloom.” Sky raised his eyebrow and this literally made Stella spit out her drink. He thinks I’m into Bloom. Oh god.
But why would he think I’m into her? Doesn’t he think I like boys?
Stella picked up a tissue that was available on the counter for every person sitting at the table. If her mother knew that she just ruined her tablecloth with her own saliva, she would never hear the end of it.
“Why would you think that?” Stella finally asked him, wiping the wine off her face.
“Because you can’t stop looking over there and Stella, you really don’t think I know you like girls?” Sky gave Stella a look, confirming what he has always known.
Stella just looked at Sky for a few moments and then quickly looked around making sure no one else heard him. “Don’t worry there’s no one around, at least not in hearing distance. I’m not that stupid.” Sky reassured Stella by putting his hand on her shoulder. This made Stella sigh in relief, being forced to come out in a ball would honestly be a nightmare.
“When did you know?” Stella finally asked Sky, not denying it.
“Probably when we had our first kiss when we were eight. I was way more into it then you were and I’m like the most attractive man you know.” Sky joked, knowing this would bring a smile to her face.
Stella rolled her eyes at him. “You conceited asshole.” She lightly pushed his shoulder which made them both laugh.
Sky’s friendship was always something she could count on. He was the only one that really understood what it was like being royalty. For better and for worse. Sky was never going to be King by blood since he wasn’t the firstborn in his family but he understood the responsibilities that came from living that life.
“Every time you asked me to be your date, I couldn’t say no. I knew you never felt that way but I would rather live a lie for a night then have some other guy figure it out and tell your mother. I couldn’t bare that, Stella.” Sky nodded. Hearing those words, almost brought tears to Stella’s eyes.
Before real tears came falling from her eyes and anyone got suspicious, Stella pulled Sky in for a hug, thanking him. “Thank you. But it’s not Bloom…” Stella said under her breath, still having her eyes closed. Sky pulled away from the hug, slowly and had a shocked expression on his face.
“Really?” Sky asked Stella, shocked. Last time he checked, Stella hated Beatrix. She couldn’t tell if he was disappointed or intrigued but either way she didn’t care. It was nice to finally talk about this with someone that wasn’t Beatrix. “Really.” Stella confirmed.
Sky nodded his head and had a smug look on his face. I guess this was his way of giving his approval which Stella appreciated.
See that wasn’t so hard was it?
It actually felt like some weight was lifted off my shoulders…
If only Stella had the strength to come out to the rest of the world.
--
Beatrix was staring at Stella and Sky hugging but all she could notice was her girlfriend’s smile. Why am I even jealous? She’s a lesbian. I know this.
But why do I feel like this? Oh god I’m an idiot. I should have just said yes when she asked to go together.
Beatrix agreed to go with other people but it was a lot harder than she ever anticipated.
“Oh my god, you have a crush on the princess..” Bloom looked at Beatrix, then back over at Stella and Sky since that’s where Beatrix had been looking at for the last five minutes. Beatrix gave Bloom a look like she had just said the weirdest thing to come from her mouth.
“Now, how did you come to that Bloom?” Beatrix asked, genuinely curious. Bloom laughed. “Well you haven’t been able to stop staring at Sky and Stella and I’m almost certain you’re not into Sky since you share the same dad.” Bloom laughed but then thought for a second…
“Don’t even. I’m not into Sky… or Stella. I’m just curious, do you think they’re in love?” Beatrix asked Bloom, hoping she will give her a straight answer.
“You literally have the hottest date sitting in front of you and you want to talk about them?” Bloom asked with her eyebrow raised, almost begging Beatrix to acknowledge the effort she went to, for tonight.
“I’m never going to admit that.” Beatrix shrugged. Of course she looks hot but it doesn’t take back all that she did.
Also I’m literally taken, I should not be calling another girl hot.
There was a moment of silence between the two girls. This was probably the first time they had shared any time alone since their break up. Beatrix figured that this would be the end of the conversation.
“Did you love me?” Bloom broke the silence which almost made Beatrix fall off her chair.
She’s really asking me that now?
Beatrix didn’t really know how to answer that question so she chose not to give it a response. Bloom took Beatrix’s silence as her cue to continue. “It’s hard to know if anyone really loves anyone don’t you think? They could be happy for months just for one of them to make one mistake and that one mistake could cost them their whole relationship…” Bloom confessed.
“Are we still talking about Sky and Stella?” Beatrix turned around, facing Bloom this time. This conversation needed to be face to face.
“No… We’re not.” Bloom placed her hand on top of Beatrix’ thigh, under the table so no one could see.
Oh my god. Stella was right to be jealous. What the fuck is she doing?
It only took a few seconds for Beatrix to grab Bloom’s hand and remove it from her thigh. Six months ago she would have jumped at the chance to be with Bloom again but she didn’t feel that way anymore. In fact, this just proved to her that Stella was the only person she wanted.
“Bloom, we can’t.” Beatrix eventually spoke.
Bloom was not impressed with Beatrix’s answer. Did she really think it was going to be that easy? That Beatrix would go back to her with open arms?
“I’m sorry Bea…” Bloom told her. It was probably the first apology the auburn-haired fairy heard from her ex girlfriend. “For what part?” Beatrix asked bluntly, with the coldest eyes she had ever given her. It literally sent shivers down Bloom’s back.
“For leaving me? For breaking up with me by a fucking text? For sleeping with Riven the day after we broke up?” Beatrix’s hurt came through in her voice. She had moved on but it still hurt every time she thought about it.
“For everything. I really am, Bea.” Bloom nodded. Beatrix looked at Bloom and this was the first time she had seen remorse for what she did to her. It really seemed like she was genuinely sorry. I guess people really do change.
“Yeah.” Beatrix spoke. “Yeah, what?” Bloom asked, not knowing if Beatrix was being sarcastic or not.
“I did love you. Probably a bit too much. But that’s over now.” Beatrix looked at how Bloom’s face changed after she said those words. She couldn’t help but feel a little guilty for breaking her heart tonight. But she was too late.
She loves Stella now.
“If it was really over, why did you ask me to come with you tonight?” Bloom moved closer to Beatrix. A little too close. Beatrix was truly at a loss. Bloom wasn’t taking no for an answer but she couldn’t tell her that the reason she asked her here was because she couldn’t go with her girlfriend… So she had to play the part.
“You’re really not taking no for an answer, huh?” Beatrix gave Bloom a smirk, hoping this would be convincing enough. She’s always been a good flirt, surely she can get herself out of this one.
“No way.” Bloom placed her hand on the side of Beatrix’s face and Beatrix hated how good it felt. She wasn’t having second thoughts about Stella but she couldn’t deny how good it felt to be touched with everyone watching. Not being forced to hide all the time…
Beatrix put her hand on top of Bloom’s and took it in hers. “Well then, you better take me to the dance floor.” This put a smile on Bloom’s face as it was exactly what she wanted. Like she had just won the lottery. Beatrix knew that, which is why it worked perfectly. Though for a second, she couldn’t help but wish she could be dancing with Stella instead.
Bloom took Beatrix to the dance floor, in her hand and twirled her around, which made Beatrix smile. Little did she know that Stella saw the whole thing. Stella and Beatrix agreed that tonight they would play the part of being other people’s dates and everything that came with it. Dancing, flirting and even kissing.
But why did it hurt this much?
Stella knew that this was just for show and her insecurities kicking in but was it? You couldn’t fake that smile. Maybe Beatrix still had unresolved feelings for Bloom and Stella gave her the perfect opportunity to find out what they were.
God I’m the biggest idiot. Of course. Who would want this life anyway?
Stella was trying her hardest not to cry out of embarrassment. I can see it now. The princess cries like a loser at the annual ball thrown by the queen.
My mother would literally kill me.
Stella took another sip of her wine, hoping it would stop any tears from falling. “So are you going to ask me to dance or what, princess?” Sky interrupted her.
“What?” Stella put the glass down and looked at Sky, a little shocked. I thought he understood I wasn’t into him.
“I know you’re not into me and I’m not into you but people are going to ask questions if we didn’t dance at your mother’s ball. So let’s keep appearances up?” Sky asked. Stella knew he was right, they had to play the part so no questions were raised, especially by her mother and she’s danced with Sky a thousand times. It’s something that came to her naturally.
“Lead the way then.” Stella motioned Sky to step onto the dance floor first but he was taught better than to walk in front of a princess. “Not a chance.” Sky grabbed Stella’s hand and took her to the dance floor like a real prince would. Maybe in another life Sky would have been the perfect candidate for marriage. If Stella liked guys for that matter. She just hoped that he would find a girl that appreciated him for him. Princess or not.
--
*Dancing on my own by Calum Scott started to play*
You have got to be kidding me. This song really?
Stella, Sky, Beatrix and Bloom started to dance slowly as the song changed. This song coming on felt like a weird twist of fate for Stella and Beatrix. The light fairy hated how much this song related to them right now. She looked over and to no surprise Bloom kissed Beatrix on the dance floor and Beatrix didn’t pull away.
That was the deal, Stella remember?
I remember.
But did she really have to kiss her when the watching you kiss her lyric came on. Like are you for real.
Stella knew she couldn’t look more pathetic than she did in this current moment. She was swaying with Sky watching Beatrix and Bloom kiss. She knew she should have looked away a long time ago but it’s like no matter how much she tried, she couldn’t look away. Like it was a car crash or something. So many thoughts were going through her mind. Beatrix kissing another girl and enjoying it…
Not just any girl, her ex-girlfriend who she was once in love with.
How much she wished that was her instead. And, not just because she wanted to kiss Beatrix but because she wanted to kiss her in front of everyone. She was sick of hiding, she didn’t want to do it anymore. Stella knew there would be consequences but surely none of them could be worse than the feeling she had right now.
Stella was ready to go over to break Bloom and Beatrix apart so she could kiss Beatrix herself but Sky stopped her. She was not impressed. “Don’t do it, Stella.” Sky looked at Stella, with a serious look on his face.
I thought he was on my side?
“You don’t get it Sky. I’m so tired of hiding behind this fake life. I literally can’t do it anymore. It’s too painful. To hell with what my mother says. I love Beatrix and I’m going to be with her right now-” Sky pulled Stella back, hoping this didn’t create a scene.
“Not like this, Stel. If you go over there right now it will blow up her world, not just yours. She will always be remembered as the girl the princess sabotaged her own mother’s ball for.” Sky looked at Stella, knowing this would hurt her.
“That’s not fair.” Stella said under her breath but loud enough for Sky to hear. “And putting a target on her back is? Every tabloid will take the worst things about that girl and the whole world will know it.” Sky continued and Stella sighed. She hated that he was kind of right. Beatrix definitely wasn't perfect, she had broken the law hundreds of times and she literally killed someone, once. Stella was sure that she had made some enemies along the way and she knew she wouldn't get the queen's approval but Stella loved her, flaws and all.
“Then what’s the alternative? She gets sick of being my secret and I lose her forever? I can’t Sky. I can’t lose her.” Stella shook her head, trying to get the thought out of her head. She literally couldn’t imagine it. “I’m not saying never. I’m just saying don’t do this at the biggest event of the year.” Sky pulled Stella back towards him, seeming that he was able to convince her not to ruin her life.
“Now, let’s give them what they want.” Sky held Stella in his arms, knowing how much she was going to hate this. Stella huffed. “Fine. I guess if I have to kiss a boy, I’m glad it’s you.” Stella half smiled at her best friend.
Sky took this as his cue to kiss the princess. Even with no feelings involved, they were always a believable couple. They were both made from royalty and were the two most popular kids in the school. Even though it was easy to give the audience a show, how were they supposed to believe they were a couple if they didn’t kiss? At least this will keep them quiet for a while. Just enough time to give Stella room to come to terms with how she wanted to come out. She deserved to have that without any drama from the tabloids.
–-
Beatrix watched Sky kiss Stella and she couldn’t help but feel jealous again. She knew better than to be jealous of them since it was not possible for there to be anything between them. But, it was possible that Stella would choose her fake life over any real life she could have with Beatrix. Maybe that’s what scared her the most.
Stella not choosing her.
They both went over their plan for tonight and agreed that kissing their partners was part of the deal. That they had to do it to keep appearances up but Beatrix was regretting that choice now. How could Stella watch her kiss Bloom and not feel anything?
Stella doesn’t even like men and her kissing Sky has me feeling out of whack. Beatrix thought.
Beatrix has been very understanding in their relationship but it’s moments like this that makes her wish that she wasn’t a princess. That they could have a normal life and be together. She knew it was selfish of her and that Stella didn’t choose this life either but it made her jealous. Beatrix looked around at all the couples on the dance floor, happy and dancing with their partners. They had no idea how good they had it.
I just wish that could be me and Stella one day. Just one day.
Beatrix looked back at Stella and Sky and they weren’t kissing anymore. Thank god. But instead they were swaying to the next song that came on, which happened to be slow as well. Stella and Sky continued to sway and finally Stella locked eyes with Beatrix. This was probably the first time they had looked at each other all night, at the same time at least.
How could Beatrix feel nothing when Bloom kissed her but Stella looking at her made her feel like all the jolts of electricity in the world were going through her body?
And that's saying something since my magic is filled with electric jolts.
Stella kept looking at her without losing eye contact and Beatrix returned the same look. Right now all she wanted to do was mouth that she loved her, from a distance. Just so Stella could know how she truly felt, how she’s always felt but Beatrix couldn’t. She couldn’t let that be the first time she told the princess she loved her. While they were in the arms of other people.
God it’s gonna take a lot of willpower to not go over and kiss her right now.
Stella finally gave Beatrix a smile while she continued to dance with Sky’s back turned, unaware of what was going on right now. This was all Beatrix needed in this moment. They weren’t lying when they said the princess was the sun. Stella’s smile always brought her back to reality, it was like a safety net of some sort. The way she looked at her made her feel safe and it was something that she never had before. Beatrix returned the same smile, mirroring the princess as she was swaying with Bloom who also was unaware of what was going on behind her.
This moment was enough for Beatrix, at least for right now. Like Taylor Swift once said. Our secret moments in a crowded room. They got no idea, about me and you. Even if Beatrix had to spend the rest of her life hiding behind closed doors. Maybe that was okay. Maybe loving Stella in secret was enough.
It wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.
–-
Stella had promised Beatrix that she would find her, one hour after the ball had ended which would turned out to be one am in the morning. One hour gave them enough time for everyone to leave, so they wouldn’t be caught. They agreed to meet each other in the garden, next to the giant fountain behind the ballroom. But it was a lot later than one am. Stella had to go home with her mother first, so she didn’t get any suspicions and then sneak out afterwards. For some reason her mother wanted to actually talk to her tonight so there was no way she could have got away sooner. Stella knew this was a lot of effort and they could have just met somewhere closer but this was the only way they could be together at the ball. It was the closest thing they had and Stella wasn’t going to rob them of that. Even if she was going to be late.
Stella was walking towards the garden and she got lost in her thoughts. The night had been a whole rollercoaster of emotions. Does she come clean to Beatrix about her jealousy and how she almost ruined everything for the both of them by being so careless? To be fair, It was only with the goodness of her heart and how much she loved Beatrix but that was another thing. Does she finally tell the auburn-haired fairy that she loves her?
Only her.
With all these thoughts running through her head, Stella just didn’t know what to do with them. She kept going back and forth about the risks. Her whole life would literally change if she chose to come out now but there was one thing she did know and that was being with Beatrix. She wanted to hold her hand, dance with her under the moonlight, kiss her in front of everyone. Just like Beatrix told her.
She wanted all those things too but if she were to come out, everything would change. It wouldn’t just be their relationship anymore. The whole world would have a say on their every move and part of her didn’t want that for Beatrix. Stella didn’t get a say but Beatrix did and that was the problem. What if she chose me and this life?
Would she still love me after that?
–-
Beatrix was waiting at the garden for Stella, she was always the person that got there first, out of the pair. It made sense, Stella was the princess. She had many things to get in order before she was able to see her and it only just dawned on Beatrix tonight, what they were risking to be together. She loved Stella, she knew that. Even if she hadn’t told her yet. But she never realized how much Stella would have to give up, just so she could be with her. Like really be with her. Which is also why it made no sense to Beatrix that Stella wanted to risk all that, for her. Am I really worth that kind of risk?
If you asked Stella, she would answer that question with no hesitation.
Beatrix was getting a bit fidgety, she kept shaking her hands and checking the time on her phone. The last text that Beatrix got from the princess was her saying she would be there in five minutes, that was thirty minutes ago. She didn’t know whether the Queen caught her trying to sneak out or she got interrupted by something but Beatrix was a little disappointed at the thought.
We promised.
We promised to see each other tonight and it was the one thing Beatrix was counting on. It was the one thing that got her through the night. That made dancing and kissing her ex-girlfriend worth it. She would never tell Stella this but if she didn’t show up tonight, it would break her heart. Like if it was being ripped out of her chest. She knew it wouldn’t be Stella’s fault entirely, it was just the life that she led but it didn’t change how hurt she would be.
“Hey, beautiful.” Beatrix heard a voice behind her that she knew like the back of her hand. It was the princess. Her princess. Beatrix turned around quickly, like she couldn’t wait to see her and there she stood. Even more beautiful than ever.
“I’m sorry I’m late-” Stella started to apologize but Beatrix interrupted her.
“You came.” Beatrix said with a smile and Stella returned the same smile.
“Of course I came. We promised.” Stella nodded, trying to reassure her girlfriend. “Nothing could stop me from being here tonight… Nothing, Bea.” This brought some comfort to Beatrix, comfort that she needed after the night she had. She had noticed that Stella had one of her hands out, motioning her to move towards her. Beatrix moved closer and Stella pulled her into a hug.
She could stay in her arms forever.
After some minutes, Stella pulled away from Beatrix, only slightly. They were so close, literally inches apart with their foreheads still touching. Beatrix could kiss her but for some reason she felt like Stella didn’t want that. At least not, right now.
“Is there something wrong?” Beatrix asked, scared of what Stella’s answer was going to be. Her body language was a lot different than it was a few moments ago.
“You seemed really happy tonight.” Stella half smiled pulling away from the other fairy, knowing this sounded ridiculous.
Shouldn’t she want her girlfriend to be happy?
“What?” Beatrix asked, with one of her eyebrows raised. No way she’s picking a fight right now. “With Bloom.” Stella clarified. She assumed Beatrix already knew what she was talking about but she said it anyway.
“It was for show. Like we discussed.” Beatrix bluntly told her. She was trying her hardest not to show how annoyed she was with her right now.
Stella knew she was self sabotaging. She had waited all night to be with Beatrix and this is what she does? Start a fight. Wow, good one.
“Are you sure?” Stella asked her girlfriend.
“Are you fucking kidding me, Stella?” Beatrix pulled away. “Do you really think I would have waited out here in the fucking cold if I wanted to be with Bloom? For a princess you are so dense.” Beatrix didn’t even want to look at Stella anymore.
Stella started to feel guilty, her insecurities always snuck up on her in the worst times possible. “I just-” Stella started to say, not sure how to continue.
“You just what? Thought you would start a fight with me for no reason? We barely have enough time together as it is.” Beatrix suddenly started to regret her words.
“There it is.” Stella nodded, as that is what she was waiting for. “There what is?” Beatrix asked, not giving the light fairy any eye contact.
“Admit it! You hate it. You hate the secrecy. You hate sneaking around.” Stella started to explode. So much for not getting caught.
“You know what I hate, Stella? I hate that you’re trying to push me away right now. You don’t think I see what you’re doing? You don’t think I know you?” Beatrix finally understood why Stella chose right now to pick a fight. She was scared. Tonight scared her for some reason, something must have happened or made her think twice about what they had and now she’s scared.
“If you know me so well, what do you think I’m doing?” Stella mumbled, refusing to look at her girlfriend.
Beatrix walked closer to Stella and grabbed her hand, to her surprise Stella didn’t pull away. “I think… I think you’re scared. For the first time in your life you’re scared to be with me because you finally realize what we have… You finally have something to lose.” Beatrix looked into the princess’ eyes but she didn’t see Stella anymore.
There was something different about her, the wall she had up was so big that she couldn’t even see past her eyes. After only getting silence from the princess, Beatrix pulled away from Stella and started to walk away. She knew she was not going to get an answer from her tonight.
“You can’t want this, Beatrix. Not this life. Not with me.” Stella whispered, not sure if Beatrix even heard her. Beatrix stopped in her tracks. How dare she.
Not want her?
She’s the one throwing all this away.
“How would you know? It seemed like you decided that all for yourself. I could tell you how many times I wished I was dancing with you tonight instead of Bloom. How every time she kissed me, it made me realize that your lips were the only ones I ever want to touch mine. How seeing you with Sky made me feel sick to my stomach.-” Beatrix was never one for a big romantic speech, feelings just weren’t her thing but for some reason it came naturally to her with Stella. “I’m gay, Beatrix. Nothing happened with Sky.” Stella interrupted.
“I know. I know that and yet it still made me feel sick because seeing you with someone else made me sick. I want you with me. I want you all the time. I want you when you’re around and I want you even more when you’re not around. I didn’t think it was possible to feel this way about another person but I do. I feel so much, Stella. So yes I want this. Whether it’s one hour a day or in front of the world… I want you.” Beatrix looked at Stella and she could see her guard coming undone a little, but it wasn’t completely down.
She just spilled her heart out. What else could she want from her?
“The question is. Do you want me?” Beatrix asked Stella, now this is something Stella didn’t expect.
“What?” Stella was confused. How did Beatrix not know that? “Do you want me?” Beatrix asked the princess again.
“You know I do.” Stella gave her a short answer but that wasn’t going to cut it with Beatrix. “How would I know that, Stella? It seems like you’re looking for excuses for this relationship to end and if you really wanted to be with me, you wouldn’t be doing that. You would be fighting like hell to keep me here.” Beatrix started to feel sick again.
Does she actually want this relationship to end?
“You don’t understand, Bea. The kind of pressure I’m under. What being a princess is really like. It’s not always fancy balls and having all the money and jewels in the world. It’s rough. Every single move I make, the queen has made it first. I’m literally under a microscope with the whole world watching. Do you really know what you would be signing up for? What you would be risking to be with me?” For the first time during the fight, Stella let a tear fall from her eyes. She was finally showing Beatrix some human emotion.
She was still in there. The Stella I fell for is still there.
“I know.” Beatrix softly spoke, those were the only words she could get out.
“I don’t think you do. I think the last few months have been amazing and you want us to stay like that but if people knew about us, we wouldn’t. It wouldn’t be our life anymore. And I think you can still have that with Bloom-” Stella tried to get her words out but she was immediately interrupted when she said the fire fairy’s name.
Bloom. Did she really just fucking bring Bloom up again?
“What is your obsession with me and Bloom? The Stella I know was not this jealous.” Beatrix looked at Stella, confused.
But then it clicked. Now it made sense to her. She wasn’t jealous of Bloom, she was jealous of the life Bloom had.
“Deny it all you want but you looked happy tonight and that wasn’t because of me.” Stella mumbled. It really felt like they were getting nowhere in this conversation and that was mainly her fault.
“You want the truth?” Beatrix asked Stella. There was no point in avoiding this question any longer. “Yes, Beatrix. I do.” Stella looked at the auburn-haired fairy, waiting for an answer.
“It felt good.” Beatrix started to say and she didn’t have to look at Stella to know how much that hurt her. This is exactly what she wanted to avoid. She never wanted to cause the princess any pain but they were never going to get past this if she didn’t tell her the truth about Bloom.
“It felt good to be wanted and touched without having to hide. Are you happy?” Beatrix looked up and could see a single tear fall down from Stella's right cheek. Making the girl you love cry had to be the worst thing Beatrix had ever felt in her life. She knew their relationship couldn’t survive without admitting this to her but it didn’t change how terrible she felt.
“What in the sun would make you think I’m happy?” Stella mumbled.
“Stella, you literally asked for the truth. There it is.” Beatrix spoke, avoiding any eye contact with the princess. There was silence between the two and Beatrix was afraid that would be the last thing she would ever say to her.
She was not ready for what the princess asked next.
“Do you love her?” Stella was looking down, avoiding eye contact with Beatrix when the words came out of her mouth. It was like she was afraid to ask her but even more afraid of the answer. This made Beatrix curious. She couldn’t see her face but she could feel that Stella was afraid and if she was afraid that meant she loved her in the same way Beatrix did.
It’s now or never.
“I did. For a long time, actually.” Beatrix said softly, looking at the light fairy the entire time. Noticing how her nose twitched when she said those words. How she never looked up, not even once.
How she knew how much her life would change with the next few words.
“Almost as much as I love you.” Beatrix confessed and watched how the princess looked up at her in an instant. How they locked eyes like they did at the ball tonight when they were in the arms of other people. How looking at each other felt like they were the only two people in the world. Stella just stared at her but Beatrix couldn’t help but smile.
“What?” Stella was literally speechless. It was the only thing she could think of asking right now.
“Don’t you dare make me say it again, princess.” The air fairy joked and it was so like Beatrix to make a joke right now, though it just made Stella smile even more. Before Beatrix could say anything more, she noticed Stella coming towards her. By the time she realized what was happening, it was too late. Stella’s lips were touching hers and it almost felt like fireworks. The kind that were saved for New Years Eve only.
Maybe I should tell her I love her more often.
Beatrix had been with a lot of people but nothing and no one made her feel like this. Nothing gave her the thrill of wanting someone so much you could barely breathe. Not until, the princess of Solaria ran into her in the corridors, that Friday night.
–-
Five months ago...
“This is a bad idea.” Stella eventually got out, between moans.
This had to be an alternate reality because in what world would Beatrix’s mouth be attached to her neck. And why was she enjoying it?
“If I can recall you’re the one that jumped me back there. Or did I imagine that, princess?” Beatrix stopped kissing Stella’s neck for one quick moment.
Beatrix wasn’t wrong. It was Stella that made the first move. She had accidentally knocked her down to the floor and ended up falling on top of her. It was clearly a mistake but Stella couldn’t help but feel attracted to her and the way Beatrix looked at her, she knew it was mutual. She had offered to walk the auburn-haired fairy back to her room but before Beatrix could close her door, Stella pulled her in for a kiss and you could say the other fairy returned it. Beatrix eventually pulled Stella inside her room, closing the door behind them.
“You didn’t imagine that. But I can’t sleep with the enemy.” Stella confessed.
Beatrix chuckled. “We’re just making out, Stella. I’m flattered you thought that far ahead though.” This made Stella roll her eyes.
Oh my god she’s so infuriating. Did she really have to be so hot?
“I can’t stand you.” Stella looked at Beatrix with annoyance. She couldn’t believe she was even thinking about sleeping with her tonight.
“Oh really?” Beatrix had Stella’s arms pinned behind her back but she could feel everything Stella was feeling. How much they wanted each other. How their bodies were almost touching, the distance between them, only being inches apart. All Stella had to do was move forward and their lips would touch. “Really.” Stella whispered.
Beatrix felt Stella's breath on her lips and she was doing everything she could to not kiss the princess right now. If something was going to happen between them, it had to be her choice. She had to make the first move. “Then show me.” Beatrix whispered back.
Stella paused for a moment. She was the princess who was destined to marry a prince. A guy. That was the role she had to play. Stella knew she was a lesbian from the moment she came into this world but it was always something she hid from others. She was pretty good at hiding that part of herself but tonight she didn’t want to hide it. She wanted to embrace it.
Stella knew that she would regret this tomorrow but she couldn’t hold back anymore. She moved forward and kissed the auburn-haired fairy. Stella didn’t know kissing someone could feel this good. To be fair, she had only kissed guys in the past but before she could get lost in her lips, Beatrix pulled away for a moment.
“Are you sure you won’t regret this?” Beatrix asked. Stella couldn’t read her expression. For as long as Stella had known the air fairy, she was never one to care about other people’s feelings. She wasn’t sure if she was being sincere or not but she appreciated the question.
“Ask me that, tomorrow.” Stella smiled, giving Beatrix the permission to continue. Beatrix nodded at the princess’ request and went in for another kiss.
And I guess you could say Stella didn’t regret it.
–-
Present time...
Beatrix didn’t mind that Stella didn’t say that she loved her back, her kisses were enough right now. Deep down she knew Stella felt the same, even if she wasn’t ready to say it yet. If anything her kisses proved how much the princess loved her. As much as Beatrix wanted to stay in this moment forever, she knew that they should get going before anyone saw them. Before someone took a photo of them and Stella’s life would be ruined. If that were to happen at Beatrix’s expense, she would never forgive herself for it.
Beatrix pulled away from kissing Stella and just looked into the eyes of the princess. There was just something with the way Stella looked at her that brought her so much comfort. A promise that they could conquer anything together and as long as she always had that, she knew that there was nothing they couldn't survive.
“I guess we should get going before anyone sees us.” Beatrix pulled away as she told the princess, which made Stella nod.
Beatrix could tell by Stella’s sigh, that she also wanted to stay in this moment forever but they had to accept their fate. Beatrix let go of Stella’s hand and started to walk away, assuming that her girlfriend was walking behind her, but to Beatrix’s surprise, Stella said something that made her lost for words. “Dance with me.”
Beatrix turned around and noticed that Stella was standing in the exact same spot but the only thing that was different was that Stella had her hand out, motioning her to hold it.
“What?” Beatrix asked, a little confused. It was far too late and they had agreed to leave before they would actually get caught this time. Why would she ask me to dance?
Though, Beatrix loved the thought. It’s all she wanted to do tonight.
“Dance with me, Bea.” Stella asked her girlfriend again, hoping Beatrix would take her hand.
It only took Beatrix a moment to decide but it was like someone was pulling her towards Stella. She grabbed her hand and suddenly they were in each other’s arms again. They started swaying and if Beatrix was with anyone else she would tell them how ridiculous it was to dance without music but for some reason it didn’t feel ridiculous. It felt right.
Being in Stella’s arms felt right.
“What if we get caught?” Beatrix finally looked up at Stella, asking her since this was her main concern but Stella just smiled back at her. “Then we get caught.”
Beatrix knew that she should have said something back to ask her why she would risk something so big but the light fairy choosing to dance with her, no matter if anyone saw them made her feel so happy. She couldn’t express the love she had for her, in this or every moment they shared together.
“You told me that you wanted to dance with me under the moonlight, so Bea that’s what we’re going to do. And to our luck, it’s shining extra bright tonight.” Stella looked up at the moon and she wasn't sure if it was a coincidence that it had this extra glow tonight. Or was it fate?
Beatrix looked up at the moon with Stella and the princess had a point but it didn’t stop her from thinking about her concerns. “And what if someone sees us?” Beatrix asked again, making sure her intentions were real. Stella looked back at the girl, standing in front of her.
“Then they see us, babe. Nothing and no one is going to stop me from dancing with the girl…” Stella paused for a moment, waiting for Beatrix to look at her. She wanted to say the next words to her face. “I love.” Stella smiled.
“Really?” Beatrix asked the light fairy, trying to hide the smile on her face. “Really.” Stella nodded.
Stella couldn’t help but think about the first night they spent together where Beatrix had asked her this exact question. Sure, it was under different circumstances and Beatrix was being condescending but thinking about that memory brought her so much joy. She really had no idea how much that night would change her life. How much Beatrix would change her life.
The pair swayed slowly for the next couple of minutes, neither of them wanting to interrupt the moment with their words. They got lost in each other’s arms, to the point that they were holding each other so tightly. Like, no one could take the other away from them.
“I promise, in a year we will do this in there.” Stella whispered, not sure that Beatrix even heard her. But Beatrix heard everything.
“Stella..” Beatrix moved her head slowly away from Stella’s shoulder so she could look at the princess. “You don’t have to. We don’t have to decide that yet.” She reassured her.
“No, we will. I promise.” Stella was looking at Beatrix with the most genuine and sincere look she had ever given her. “I don’t want you to make promises you can’t keep.” Beatrix eventually said, not wanting to get her hopes up.
“I’ll keep it, Bea. I don’t want to hide anymore. I’m not saying I’m ready to come out tomorrow but I’m getting there and I will make sure I get there before the next ball.” Stella nodded.
“Will you wait for me?” Stella asked with a soft tone.
Beatrix was a little shocked at Stella’s question, surely she knew the answer. But if Stella needed her to repeat it, she would tell her a million times.
“Forever.” Beatrix nodded which made Stella sigh out of relief.
Like she was waiting her whole life for that one answer.
“Stella… I would wait forever, for you.” Beatrix reassured the princess.
“It won’t be forever, I promise.” Stella told her without hesitation. She didn’t know when she would tell her mother and the whole world that she was a gay princess but she finally felt like there was a possibility. A possibility that she didn’t need to hide who she was anymore. A possibility that she could have a life with Beatrix. The life she has always wanted.
“I’m holding you to that.” Beatrix smiled at her girlfriend and laid her head against Stella's chest, continuing to dance with her.
This is definitely one plus of Stella being taller.
Stella and Beatrix danced in each other’s arms for the next hour, until they both realized how late it was and that they should really be getting back. If it was up to them they would stay in each other’s arms until someone pulled them away from each other, but since Stella made it clear to Beatrix that she wasn’t ready to come out yet, she couldn’t let anyone see them like this. Though, for the first time in their relationship there was hope for them to be together without secrets. Hope for a future and that is what the pair held onto.
Hope that in a year’s time they will be dancing with the whole world watching them.
Stella had walked Beatrix back to her room, just like she did the first night they spent together. She wanted to share every moment she could with her girlfriend, but they had to be careful. It might be four in the morning but anyone could be watching them so holding hands was not an option. Beatrix was about to open the door of her room, to not risk anyone catching them but Stella put her hand on the door, not letting her open it, at least not without saying goodbye.
“Do you know how hard it is, not to kiss you right now?” Stella whispered in Beatrix’s ear which gave her a shiver.
Is she serious? How am I supposed to stop myself from kissing her now?
“You’re killing me.” Beatrix whispered back and that put a smile on Stella’s face which is what she wanted.
“Good. If you really thought you were going to leave without saying goodbye to me first, you are surely mistaken.” Stella smiled, knowing there wasn’t much space between them. Beatrix couldn’t help but notice the space too. No one was around but she couldn’t risk it, stepping away from the princess.
“I will see you tomorrow, princess.” Beatrix looked at Stella one last time before opening the door and Stella nodded, letting her girlfriend close the door in her face, saying goodbye for the night.
“You’re lucky I love you.” Beatrix whispered with her back against the door, hoping Stella was still there.
Stella smiled, hearing every word but she knew she couldn’t say anything to respond in case someone was in the corridors, watching or listening to them. She would tell the whole world how much she loved the auburn-haired fairy if she could. Beatrix didn’t hear anything back and she knew that she wouldn’t, it was too risky to say those words in case anyone heard them but it still made her feel a little disappointed.
To Beatrix’s surprise, her phone vibrated, telling her that she just got a text message. Beatrix pulled her phone out of her pocket and the smile that went across her face when she realized who it was from.
I love you too. Don’t you ever forget it. – Stella.
Beatrix smiled at her girlfriend’s text and immediately wrote back. So many things happened tonight that Beatrix would have never predicted but it was truly one of the most perfect nights she had ever had in her life. She got to dance with the girl she loved under the moonlight and she finally knew that Stella loved her as much as she did.
The pair might still have to hide for the time being but there was nothing that could change the way they felt about each other. That nothing and no one could ever come between them. That was all Beatrix needed.
All she will ever need.