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Tsukasa has always had a bit of trouble with asking for affection. When he was younger, any set of grabby-hands or whines to be held were met with a quick shush as his parents rushed to the hospital. Eventually he learned that asking wouldn’t get him anything, so he stopped. Still, he ached to be cradled by his family, and that ache didn’t ease when Saki got better. He often found himself initiating simple touch with anyone nearby, whether it be a hand on Saki’s shoulder, or ruffling Toya’s hair.
Things are different now, though.
Now, he has a beautiful boyfriend whomst he loves dearly. Rui is absolutely amazing in Tsukasa’s eyes, from the top of his head to the tips of his toes. Rui actively gave Tsukasa affection, slipping their hands together, randomly hugging Tsukasa from behind, and even just pulling him close when they kissed. It was amazing, but Tsukasa couldn’t help but want more. It was like one touch set of a primal need in him to be held, and now he feels like he won’t be able to breath if Rui doesn’t wrap a casual arm around him during rehearsal.
Above all that, there was one thing Tsukasa wanted. During a specific kiss, Rui had done something so special, treated him so gently that he hasn’t forgotten about it since. While they kissed, Rui’s hands had reached up, and with more care than Tsukasa knew possible, held his face in his hands. Tsukasa remembers the way he went completely slack, smiling into the kiss like it was nobody’s business. It was only for a few seconds, but it’s been consuming his every thought.
And that leads him here. Currently, the two are curled up under Tsukasa’s sheets, Tsukasa propped up slightly against a pillow, and Rui tucked under his chin. He’s playing a mindless game on his phone, more concentrated on the feeling of Rui’s breath on his neck. It’s nice, this closeness they have now, but Tsukasa craves so much more. He desperately wants those hands on his face again, holding him like he never wants to let go.
The thought makes him huff, turning off his phone and placing it beside himself. Tsukasa feels Rui giggle against his skin, one of his hands resting on the lower side of Tsukasa’s chin, so close to what he actually wants. Rui rises slowly from his spot, tired eyes staring knowingly at Tsukasa.
“Mm, what is it, my star?” Rui asked, puzzling Tsukasa. He hadn’t said anything, had he? Picking up on Tsukasa’s confusion, Rui smiled. “You put down your phone, which probably means you wanted my attention.” Rui leaned forward slightly, pressing chaste kisses to his lover's face. Tsukasa sighed, leaning into the touch.
“Haha, you caught me.” Tsukasa leaned down slightly, turning Rui’s head to kiss him properly. Rui hummed into the kiss, slowly manuerving himself until he was seated directly on the blonde's lap, one hand slowly trailing up to the bare skin on Tsukasa’s neck. Tsukasa slowly pulls away, his hands now resting on Rui’s lower back as he looks up at the taller boy.
“So what is it? Aren’t you gonna tell me, Tsukasa-kun?” Rui jokingly pouted, moving his hands to play with the short strands of Tsukasa’s hair that met his neck. Tsukasa’s face flushed, and he looked down to avoid eye contact. He couldn’t believe he was actually considering asking Rui to…
“It’s nothing, Rui! I was just thinking about stuff, but it’s totally unimportant!” Tsukasa tried to laugh it off, but that just made Rui more curious. Rui sighed, before pulling Tsukasa close to his chest, the blonde being squished into the oversized sweater he was wearing.
“Oh Tsukasa-kun! How you wound me!” Rui cried out dramatically, nuzzling against the top of Tsukasa’s head. “Won't you tell me what troubles you, my love?” Rui pulled away from Tsukasa with a pout, looking the blonde in the eyes. Tsukasa winced, there really wasn’t a way he was getting out of this one.
“I…” Tsukasa started, before drawing a blank. What was he even supposed to say? ‘Oh hey Rui do you remember that one time a few weeks ago when you cradled my face in your hands? Yeah well I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it because it reminded me of how my parents ignored me as a child.’ Yeah, he wasn’t saying that. Still, Rui didn’t seem like he was about to drop the topic. “Promise you won’t laugh?” Tsukasa asked, embarrassed.
“Of course I won’t, my star. Why would you think that?” Rui asked, gently caressing the side of his face with his fingers. It made Tsukasa shudder, wanting Rui to just keep his hand there for longer. Tsukasa sighed, feeling a little dizzy by how much blood was rushing in his cheeks.
“Okay, so I…” Tsukasa paused again, lost for words. “I was wondering if…” Nothing. “Could you maybe…” Tsukasa groaned, his brain seemingly empty. “Just, could you-!” In a fit, Tsukasa grabbed Rui’s roaming hands, bringing them to rest on his cheeks.
The two sat in silence for a moment, Tsukasa’s eyes clenched shut as he held Rui’s hands uselessly on his face, beyond embarrassed. Just as he was about to push Rui away from him, Rui moved to hold Tsukasa’s face on his own. His hands felt so nice, and Tsukasa just melted into the touch. His shoulders dropped, hands slipping from Rui’s wrist and falling limply at his sides. His eyes were shut in pure bliss, a contented sigh slipping past his lips as Rui stroked his cheeks with his thumbs.
“Was this what you were so scared to ask for?” Rui eventually broke the silence, making Tsukasa aware of what he just did. Tsukasa’s face went bright red, and he shoved Rui off of him, scrambling to sit with his back against the wall. He buried his face in his own hands, mortified.
“I’m so sorry, Rui!” He yelled, wanting to crawl into a hole forever. God, why had he done that? He just wanted for Rui to hold him like that, but he shouldn’t have forced him! Ugh, he’s such a terrible boyfriend. Tears welled up behind his eyelids, formed by his own embarrassment.
“Shush, don’t apologize.” Rui’s gentle voice pulled Tsukasa out of his head, his hands gingerly grabbing Tsukasa’s wrists. Rui gasped when he noticed the misty look in his lover's eyes. Taking the hint, Rui grabbed Tsukasa’s face again, tilting his head to look up. “Oh darling, don’t be embarrassed.” Rui smiled, pulling Tsukasa’s face closer to press a soft kiss to his forehead.
“Ghk-! You can’t just call me that, Rui!” Tsukasa scoffed, but he couldn’t help himself from leaning closer, soothed by the cool hands cupping his face. Rui laughed softly, kissing Tsukasa again.
“Of course, I’m sorry, beautiful.” Rui teased, making Tsukasa roll his eyes, a contented smile on his lips. “If I may ask, why do you like it when I hold your face like this? I don’t mind it, of course, but it is a little curious to me.” Rui asked, gently messing with the ends of Tsukasa’s bangs.
“I don’t really know,” Tsukasa answers, thinking about it. “I think it’s just how gentle you are when you hold my face. It makes me feel nice.” Tsukasa hums, moving his hands to rest on Rui’s legs. He kind of missed having Rui’s body so close to his, but it’s well worth it to have his touch on his face.
“Ah, of course.” Rui smiles, playfully squishing Tsukasa’s rounded cheeks. Tsukasa laughed, making Rui’s heart beat a little faster. Even after all this, he still has the power to make Rui’s heart pound.
“Thank you, Rui.”
“Of course, my star.”