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“You’re sure about this, Dean?” Jesse asked, checking the straps on the makeshift altar. “I know it’s all ritual, but it’s still probably not gonna feel great.”
“This is Sam on the line.” Dean saw the haunted look in his boyfriend’s eyes. Jesse would’ve done anything if it meant he could’ve saved Matty. “Yeah. I’m sure.”
Cesar secured the basket of acid. “We got this. Dean, you give us a signal, we’ll shut this down, but we know you can take a lot and are willing to for Sam. Got your lighter?”
Dean squeezed his hand around it. “Right here. Let’s do this.”
Jesse and Cesar both took a turn to kiss him, and then got to work. Jesse lit torches at the four corners of the altar, while Cesar drew a knife over Dean’s neck just hard enough to produce a tiny amount of blood. He laid the knife on Dean’s belly, under the bowl of acid. The torches burned through ropes that caused the bowl to tip, dripping acid onto Dean. The first few drops landed on his bare chest, drawing a hiss, but then one fell on the bloodied knife.
Everything burst into fire around him, and he screamed. He kept his thumb off his lighter – this wasn’t that bad, compared to Hell, and if it meant he got Sam back…
“Deano?!”
The voice was so familiar and yet so wrong. “What the fuck. You’re no trickster god.”
“Um… yes, I am?” Gabriel hopped up to sit on the altar, calming the flames and holding up a bowl to collect the acid that was still dripping. “I’m an archangel, sure, but I’m also a trickster god. Loki. It’s a very long and dull story that I’m sure you don’t care to hear, because if you’re going through with this, you must need something pretty bad. Let me guess. Samsquatch went and got himself taken by Thor, you want him back, and figured if anyone would know how to get him back it’d be Loki.”
“Exactly.” Dean glared at Gabriel. “How’d you end up here? Because you’re not Loki.”
“Basically, it’s a really really extreme version of a wrong number, right number with the wrong country code, except that it’s set up to happen on purpose,” Gabriel said. “The extremely condensed version: Loki was bound and had the acid dripping and all, I got him out of there and took his place as a witness protection program for us both. You try calling Loki, you get me.”
“Okay, next question, how’d you know it was Thor?”
Gabriel snorted. “Because my brother’s kid wants his hammer back, and since Sam was worthy to wield it, he figured that was his best bet to get his own hands on it. Won’t change that he’s currently not worthy since he failed to show up at the Elysium, and Mjolnir considers him a coward for it, but that’s where he’s thinking.”
“Thought Thor was your brother.”
“Nah, that’s the Marvel interpretation, not the actual mythology. So. You want Sam back? Here’s how you do it.”
Dean groaned. “Don’t tell me I have to get myself ritually sacrificed to Thor.”
“I mean you could, but there’s a better way.” Gabriel smirked at him. “Call Castiel, tell him Thor took your brother and why, and let true love do its thing. Thor and Castiel go way back. Angel of Thor’s Day and all. When Thor realizes he took Castiel’s beloved away from him, he will fall all over himself to make it right.”
“When you say Thor and Castiel…”
Gabriel burst into laughter. “Not like that, no. They were brothers in arms, heck, you could make a case for Castiel being Marvel’s Loki in that he and Thor were very close but eventually turned against each other when Castiel recovered his knowledge of his true identity. Another long story, Cassie was in serious trouble up in Heaven for something or other and Naomi decided to get creative instead of just mindwiping him again and getting him back to work.”
Dean shook his head. The more he learned about Castiel, the more he wondered how he’d ever thought he was too stuffy and uptight and junkless to be worth anything. “Okay. I’ll get Cas on it. That mean we’re done here?”
“Yep! Tell your boys Loki said hello!” Gabriel snapped his fingers.
In a flash, Jesse and Cesar were undoing the straps, helping him sit up. “You good?” Cesar asked.
“Yeah.” Dean looked down at himself. Gabriel had healed his acid burns, and a hand he put to his neck couldn’t feel the scratch. “Gotta make a call, then we can get to the comforting while we wait for Cas to go get Sammy and bring him home.”