Chapter Text
Dean once wrestled a werewolf to the ground after breaking his leg. He’s been knocked out by monsters more times than anyone could count. Hell, he literally saved the work, like, at least three times. He’s never been a huge crier. Alright, fine. Every once in a while there’d be some emotional moment or one of the sad puppy commercials with that stupid angel song playing in the background. And, yea, rom coms made him shed a tear on a couple occasions. He’s tough, though, okay? He’s tough. But Cas really isn’t. It’s not like he’s weak or anything. He’s just human. For the first time, he’s cold and tired and so very human. He cries and feels and hurts. And Dean tries to help the best he can but it turns out teaching a millennia old angel how to be human is actually insanely hard. He’s good with babies so you’d think it would be similar, you know? Babies need help learning to do things on their own. And kids need help learning, too. Things like doing your own laundry and making food. Dean did that. He did it with Sam and he even did it with Ben. It’s different this time, though. It’s different for Dean, but it’s really different for Cas.
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When Castiel first became human, Dean was a little nervous. He was nervous that Cas would hate it. Which is weird, right? Cause it’s not like Dean is showing him a movie and nervous that he won’t like it. This is being human. So, he was nervous. The first thing that he did after the incident was make Sam help him set up a room in the bunker. And not just put sheets on the bed. He dragged his brother to a Goodwill and they picked out dressers. They went from thrift store to thrift store, gathering things for the room. Dean found a funky hanging lamp with different colored glass all around it at the last thrift shop and just knew it was made for Cas. They put the rooms together the same day. Dean got Cas soft blue sheets and a cozy comforter. They put up the dressers and Sam even hung some shelves for some of the knick knacks they gathered. Once Dean hung the lamp, the whole room fell into place. Not to brag or anything but they did pretty good.
“You think he’ll like it?” Dean is going back and forth, straightening things around the room. He turns to Sam, wearing a huge grin. “What? Quit being weird, do you think he’ll hate it?”
“He’s gonna like it, Dean.” Sam keeps making his weird face and Dean frowns. “What?”
“Are you lying?”
“What? No. Why would I lie?”
“I don’t know! You’re being weird.” Dean huffs as he fixes the blankets for the third time.
“I’m not. It’s just… nice.” Dean rolls his eyes. “No, man, I’m serious. What you’re doing for him, it’s really nice.”
“I know. I’m a nice person, Sammy.” Dean grumbles and Sam just laughs. “Okay, I think it’s good now. We should show Cas, where is he?”
“Probably passed out in your room still.” Sam shrugs.
“Mine?”
“Yea, I was grabbing stuff from the car and he was face down on the bed. Can’t imagine how exhausted his body is honestly.” But Dean thought about it. He remembers Cas sleeping in the back of the car during the apocalypse. How tired Jimmy said he was when they met him. He knows that kind of tired. It’s embedded in his bones. It’s the main reason he wanted to give Cas a room that was really his. SO he could just relax while he learns the hardest thing he’ll ever have to do. “I can go wake him up, if you want.”
“It’s cool, I’ll go get him. Just make sure it looks good.” He heads down the two doors to his room and peeks into the room. Sam wasn’t kidding when he said passed out. Cas is face down on the bed in a pair of Dean’s sweats and one of his old shirts. He’s drooling and his hair is everywhere and Dean finds himself smiling. He taps gently on the door so he doesn’t scare Cas but he doesn’t even twitch.
“Cas. Buddy, you gotta wake up.” He still doesn’t move, which doesn’t make Dean feel great. He squats next to the bed and brings a hand under his nose to make sure he’s breathing. Unfortunately, Dean’s hand shakes and he accidentally brushes under Cas’s nose. Fortunately, Cas twitches his nose in his sleep and sniffs a little. Dean feels his entire body relax at once. He brushes some of the hair off of Cas’s forehead. “Castiel, please wake up. We got you a gift.”
Dean gently rubs his shoulder to try and wake him but Cas just hums. Dean laughs and shakes his shoulder again. This time, Cas groans and rolls over onto his back. Dean can’t help laughing when he sees the nap marks on his face. Cas furrows his eyebrows and Dean soothes the crease with his thumb.
“Hey, time to get up. Cassie, time to wake.”
“That is not my name.” Cas squints at Dean, who smiles.
“Got you to respond, didn’t it?” Cas groans and tries to roll over again but Dean catches his arm. Cas huffs and keeps his eyes closed. “Ah, ah. You gotta get up. We have a present and you’ve been out for half the day.”
“A gift?” Cas opens one eye and tilts his head to the side. Some things don’t change when you become human. Dean smiles and nods. “How big is the gift?”
“Pretty big.” Dean goes to move the hair from Cas’s face again before stopping himself. “Come on, we’ll do presents and then you gotta shower. First human lesson, if you stink, you shower.”
“Gift first?” Dean laughs.
“Yea, gift first. Get up.” Cas sits up and his back cracks. He furrows his eyebrows and stretches, releasing more cracks. “Jesus, man. We gotta get you to start stretching. I guess being an angel doesn’t keep the joints moving with all that flying.”
Cas doesn’t say anything at that and Dean wants to die for mentioning it. Instead, he grabs a clean shirt and opens his pants drawer. “Sweats or shorts?”
“I am cold.”
“Sweats it is! Alright, up. Gift, then shower.” Cas follows Dean out of the room and down the hall. Dean stops by the door and knocks. Sam responds by opening the door. “Castiel, welcome to your new room.”
Cas walks in with wide eyes, taking in the room. It’s more lived in than either of the brothers’ rooms. He immediately goes over to the hanging lamp and Dean has the urge to fist pump the air. The fact that the first thing he goes to is Dean’s favorite part of the room makes him feel really good about how they did with the room. Next, Cas walks over to the knick knack shelves and starts picking up the different things they’ve collected for him. He seems particularly infatuated with the small glass animals that Sam insisted they get. Dean looks over at Sam, who is already beaming, and gives him a thumbs up.
“Okay, so I only got you some basics for clothes like t-shirts, boxers, and socks. I wanted to take you shopping for clothes that are just for you. And not just some thrift store. I’m talking Target and Old Navy and wherever normal people shop for clothes. Real stores.” Cas opens the closet to his old angel uniform of Jimmy’s and a soft colorful sweater. “Oh, yeah. I saw that and it was really soft so I figured you’d like it but if you don’t it’s totally fine we can just take it back. Same goes for anything else, if you don’t like it we can just get rid of it and it’s-”
Dean is interrupted by Castiel pulling him into a hug. Dean shuts up and hugs him back before realizing there are tears soaking his shirt. He leans back and sees that Cas is crying into his shoulder.
“Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t think the suit would upset you. I wasn’t sure if you’d still want it, I’m sorry, Cas.” Dean looks over to Sam, desperate.
“Cas, are you okay?” Sam puts a hand on Cas’s shoulder and he immediately leaves Dean and goes to hug Sam. “Oh, okay. Are you crying because you’re happy?”
Cas sobs into Sam’s shirt and nods. Dean hates that he feels relieved because it’s just a room. Cas cries and cries until he’s relying on Sam to hold him up. Dean moves Cas to the bed and they sit on either side of him. He slowly calms down to small hiccups and Dean realizes he’s been rubbing his back the whole time. He doesn’t stop because it isn’t bothering Cas so maybe he needs it. Cas whispers something and Dean leans closer to hear.
“Thank you.” His voice is rough and tired.
“Of course, Cas. This is your home, too, it should feel like it.” Dean squeezes Cas from the side and Sam pats his back.
“Seriously, you don’t have to thank us, it’s literally the least we could do. You’ve done a lot for us and we haven’t always said thank you. So this is our thank you.” Cas sniffs and Sam pats his back again.
“I greatly appreciate what you two have done for me. I have never had a home and I hope it is okay that I stay.”
“Dude, we love you. There’s no way in hell we would make you leave.” Dean rubs his back and Cas starts crying again. “Hey, what’s up?”
“I love you both, too.” Cas cries into his hands and Dean looks at Sam for help. “I am sorry for this. Humans have the most emotions out of all the species and I believe I am experiencing them right now.”
“Don’t apologize, Cas. I can go grab you some water if you want.” Cas nods and Sam stands, patting his shoulder before leaving.
Dean holds onto Cas while he cries and rubs his back. He finds himself murmuring reassurance to Cas as he calms down. Cas wipes his tears with his hands and looks up at Dean, lip wobbling. “I do not know how to shower. I understand the concept and that there is soap involved but I do not have anything to use.”
Cas lets out a sob and Dean tries to help him calm down. He hadn’t really thought about how so many things require being taught. It all goes back to being a child. You learn about shampoo and body wash and conditioner and making sure you get all the soap off. He can’t imagine how daunting this is for Cas. So, of course, this means it’s Dean’s job to teach him everything he needs to know. “Hey, that’s okay. Why don’t you use my stuff tonight and when we get you new clothes, we can get you stuff you like. I’m serious, Cas. We can get you whatever you want. And I’ll help you learn to shower. It’s one of the easier things to learn. And I’ll teach you everything else you need to know. Anything.”
“Really? You’ll help me learn?” Cas looks up and sniffs. And distantly, Dean’s brain screams that he is beautiful. Teary-eyed, snotty, tired, puffy, and so tired. And yet, beautiful. He doesn’t hear his brain screaming, though. He ignores it.
“Of course. I’ll always be here to help.” And the way Cas smiles make his brain scream louder
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Cas is cold now. He’s always cold. He can’t get warm enough. He’s only been human for a few days and in those few days, he’s been freezing. He wonders if Dean noticed because when Dean leads him to the shower room, he brings three towels. Dean turns the water most of the way towards the left, in the red section.
“Does the red mean bad? I have heard red usually means bad.” Cas watches him put four different bottles on the ledge in the shower. He also hangs a smaller towel on a hook.
“Red can mean a lot honestly. Sometimes it can mean bad, like someone’s face turning red or a fire. It can also mean stop, like with driving. But red and blue with water represent hot and cold. If the knob is in the blue, it will be cooler. If it’s in the red, it will be warmer.” Cas watches Dean hang up one towel on the hook outside of the shower and he puts the other on the floor. “Okay, so. The small towel in there is called a rag, or a washcloth if you’re fancy. That’s what you use to wash your body. I grabbed all the essentials. The one with the pink lid is shampoo, that’s what cleans your hair. Then there’s conditioner, the red one. It makes your hair soft and keeps it, fuck I can’t remember. Sam got me into it and I just know it makes your hair soft but we can look it up later. The big one is body wash and that one is pretty self explanatory. The small guy is face wash. Sam says there’s a huge debate on if you should wash your face in the shower or not. I really don’t care and it’s easier to do everything at once.”
Cas inspects the bottles and apparently he looks scared because Dean catches his attention. “It’s not super hard, I’ll sit out here and walk you through each step. It feels really nice honestly. So, first step is to completely undress. Everything off. I’ve already got the water heated up so you can just step in once you’re naked.”
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Dean sits on the weird locker room bench that’s in the shower room and averts his eyes while Cas gets naked and steps into the shower. When he looks back, Cas is in the shower with the curtain wide open. He laughs a little and gets up to close it.
“Forgot to mention the curtain is here to keep water in and everything else dry. Is the water okay? If it’s too cold you can change it.” He hears Cas moving around and realizes he doesn’t know the first step. “So, what I usually do is shampoo, conditioner, face, body. Get your hair wet first, then you’re gonna take a small amount of the shampoo, like the size of a quarter, and soap it up in your hands. Then you’ll just rub it around your hair so it gets all soaped up.”
He leans against the wall while Cas showers, humming to a song that’s been in his head for a week. He doesn’t notice the silence until he hears a sharp inhale. He waits for a second to see if Cas will ask for help but it’s still quiet.
“You alright in there? It’s quiet.”
“I have a… burning sensation.” Dean blinks and tries to come up with a response. “My eyes seem to be reacting to something.”
“Oh thank god. I think you got some soap in your eyes, bud. Just wash it out with water for a bit and they should feel better.” Castiel hums in response and Dean realizes something. “Hey, Cas?”
“Yes, Dean?”
“Are your eyes closed?” There’s a silence and Dean nods to himself. “That’s okay. Just a heads up, you wanna keep your eyes closed while you shower so the soap doesn’t get in there. And, I’m not saying that you should keep your eyes closed the whole time. After you rinse the soap off, you can wipe off your eyes and open them again.”
“This makes a lot more sense. Thank you, Dean. After the shampoo, I do the conditioner, correct?”
“Yea. You doing okay in there?”
“Yes, I believe so. I enjoy the warm water.”
“See? It’s nice. I’ll let you try a bath next time. Even better.” Cas figures out the face wash pretty easily and Dean tells him how to do his body. Once he’s done Dean tells him how to shut the water off. “Alright, I’ll hand you the towel and then you can step out after you dry off.”
Cas takes the towel and Dean waits for him to step out. After a couple minutes, he decides to check in. “You okay?”
“I am waiting to dry.” He’s going to be the death of Dean.
“Oh, man. Okay, so you actually just dry yourself off with the towel I gave you.”
“That seems like a much faster method. Thank you, Dean.” Dean hears the shower curtain open after a second and turns around to ask Cas how he liked the shower when he’s met with a very naked Castiel.
“How w- oh. Okay, well, here are some clothes. If you’re still cold, I’ll get you a hoodie.” He hands Cas the clothes and waits for him to get dressed. He wasn’t that surprised that Cas forgot to cover up. Besides, they’ve seen each other in worse positions. To be honest, he’s not too bad to look at.
“Thank you for your help. I apologize if I was any inconvenience.”
“You’re never an inconvenience, Cas.” Dean pats him on the shoulder and Cas smiles. Maybe Dean can make this a good experience for him.