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It was a breezy yet warm summer day in Seymour’s Bay, I was spending the day at the Wonder Wharf on a date with a nice fellow named Mort. I met him at Bob’s Burgers just a few days before. We hit it off,we talked a lot, I could not get enough of him. He had such an effortless charm about the way he talked. I wanted to know more about him. One thing led to another and he asked me on a date of sorts..well he had supposedly had something cool to show me on the pier. He wouldn’t tell me what it was. Whatever it was Mort was sure excited about it.
“Riiighhhtt here!” More exclaimed with excitement as he skipped over to the edge of the pier.
“We are on the edge of the pier?” I questioned. “Exactly!, This is the exact spot someone slipped and fell off the pier.” Mort smiles wildly as he talks. I admire how excited he is as he speaks more. He had very cute dimples. “They were out here walking along the pier late at night, they were on a midnight stroll, it was their last midnight stroll. Because suddenly the board snaps out from under them!” Mort says while using his mouth to make a cracking sound, using his hands to demonstrate the board breaking. He was also spitting everywhere, he got me wet in the crossfire but I didn't say anything as I kept listening to Mort talk.
“And down they went, brutally impaled by the jagged loose boards below. When they found the body, he had been impaled so hard that you could see his guts spilling out! Seagulls were pecking at them.” Mort paused for just a second to catch his breath. “And it was a hot summer day, so his body reeked to high Heaven. There was a fascinating number of maggots inside of him that were huge! Wiggling all about, doing their thing, eating the flesh of the body.” Mort kept going on. “Oh Ho, embalming the body was so much fun.”
I gag just a little bit at the way Mort kept describing the dead body. “Mort, that’s..a lot you’re going to make me barf.” I said. I loved listening to him be so passionate about the dead body but he needed to stop.
“Oh!” Mort blushes. “Sorry I get excited about this kinda stuff, not everyone likes the gross things as much as I do.”
“It’s ok.” I smile. “I know you were excited.”
Mort snorts as he laughs. “Yeah, would you care for some food? Foot long taco dogs?” He asked.
“Mort you think I can eat after you just talked about a rotting dead body in detail?” I asked.
“Oh right.” Mort laughs. “Perhaps not…I think I can make up for it though.”
“Make up for wha-“ I started to speak but was stopped by Mort leaning in gently for a kiss.
He leans kind of suddenly in the moment, he plants a sweet passionate kiss on my lips. He tasted like a sweet fruity smoothie, mango and a little cherry.
He put his hand on the back of your neck, it was warm and soft. His touch was gentle.
I didn’t expect the kiss, especially so soon but Mort tasted so sweet and he kissed so softly and passionately..it felt like I had died and gone to heaven.
“Whoa.” I said.
“Uh haha, yeah. Whoa.” Mort chuckles nervously.
I looked up at him, admiring the way the sun was beaming onto his face. It made his eyes sparkle. Everything about him made him so desirable. I leaned in and returned the kiss.
“Wowza!” Mort exclaimed.
Not expecting the verbal reaction, I jumped a little. My face turns bright red, so did Mort’s. I laughed.
“Hah, that’s so embarrassing I-I say that sometimes.” Mort said while adjusting his glasses.
I smiled widely at him. “Embarrassing? I think it’s cute.” I said, taking a hold of his clammy hands.
Mort snorts; “Well if you say so.”
I snort too; “I do say so.” “You’re cute.”
“You’re very cute too.” Mort plants another kiss on my cheek this time.
I blush. “Maybe I can go for that foot long taco dog.”
“Oh good, I’m starving. I could eat a corpse!” Mort snorted.
“Oh my god.” I said laughing. As I took Mort’s hand so we could walk over the taco dog stand.
“Sorry! I can’t resist a good joke.” Mort replied laughing.
I laugh, “I don’t mind, I-I like it.” I smiled to assure him.
Mort gives a smile and a nod back as we walk over to get foot long taco dogs.
I couldn’t have asked for a better day. The weather is beautiful, I’m pretty sure I just met the love of my life. There isn’t going to be anyone like him. We already kissed, and we’re sharing one of the most magical food together. It’s perfect.
We arrived at the taco dog stand and each bought one. We walk over to a bench to sit and eat them.
It was perfectly quiet while we ate, focusing on the flavor of the taco dog. It was a good kind of silence.
We ate and finished our food.
“So..would you do this again? I didn’t scare you away with mortician talk did I?” Mort asked awkwardly.
“What?! Of course.” I smiled. “You definitely didn’t scare me away.” I say confidently kissing his cheek.
Mort blushes. “You are a delight.” He says.
“You are too.”
And just like that our lips collided. Mort kissed so softly and with passion. He tasted like a foot long taco dog now, savory. His hands cupped my cheeks, his touch was warm and soft, I needed them on me all the time. He moans softly as his kisses become more and more passionate.
I rest my hands draped over his shoulders, limp due to being so entranced by how magical his mouth felt on top of mine. A moment that I don’t ever want to end. I want him to be kissing me forever. He’s Perfect.