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Cold.
It was cold.
Exer’s head was overflowing with thoughts but the icy coldness was the one think he could make out.
He was breathing heavily, and then short pants, trying anything to get enough air in his lungs, like a dying man crawling in the dessert and reaching for water as he was cruelly deceived by a mirage.
The world was warping around him, fragments of reality becoming more blurry by the second. A green shimmer, a green feeling, consuming his thoughts, his mind, his being, his soul.
Inescapable. Unpredictable. Untameable.
He looked around frantically.
The mirrors of the boy’s bathroom were cracking, countless, excessive green rifts tearing them apart. Were they even real or just another remnant of his being trying to escape this unrewarding body?
Breaking. Broken. He was broken. And always breaking everything.
Unforgivable, unforgivable, unforgivable.
How did he even get here-
Right.
Right.
He was in class a few minutes ago and then, out of nowhere, his magic acted up. He had felt so trapped, so captured in this cramped and small room, he had to leave with the excuse of needing to use the toilet.
It was "just one of those days". The ones where the moment you woke up, you knew they would be shitty. This was way more shitty than Exer had bargained for this morning though.
David.
David. He needed David.
He needed to see his pretty face and sense his calming presence. Feel his caring touch, his warm hugs and let that be the thing that consumed him whole.
That, not this.
David, David, David-
But David wasn’t here right now.
Spinning, swirling, shifting, up, down, up, down, and again and again and-
"Exer are you in here?" a voice broke the confinements of the surface in his foggy head. Muffled as if talking through cotton. But he recognized this voice, a voice he wanted to desperately hear right now and forever. When he woke up, when he got home, when he was at school – forever.
"Exer!"
A figure crouched down beside him, tender hands on his shoulder and thigh, rubbing soothing little circles that had a calming effect on Exer instantly.
"What happened? Are you having another magic attack?"
Exer nodded, barely visible, and David gasped softly. He hugged him then, careful but firm. Exer’s breath hitched a little but he gave in and let himself be embraced by his boyfriend. His heartbeat was finally slowing down. He could feel David’s hands on his back, ever so gentle and never enough.
Never enough.
David talked, then. He talked a lot. The contents weren’t important, what was important was that it distracted Exer, gave him a way out of his panic.
"Better?"
David’s voice sounded soft and loving and if Exer had to be perfectly honest, he didn’t want to let go of him.
“Much better.” Exer tightened his grip on David. “Thank you for dealing with my bullshit.”
“Hey, don’t say that! It’s ok to freak out sometimes.” David got impossibly closer and whispered, close to his ear. “And I’m not “dealing with your bullshit” as you said. I’m helping my boyfriend, that’s what I’m doing.” He placed a kiss on Exer’s cheek and his heart skipped a beat.” You cannot stop me, nuh uh.”
Exer wanted to protest, but David shut him up with a kiss. Surprised but not at all opposed, Exer relaxed even further. The magic, the people, his issues – everything banished to the back of his head.
David leaned back, their lips almost still touching. “We should probably head back, the teacher send me to look for you. Everyone’s gonna wonder what we are taking so long for.”
“Well sure as hell they won’t think it’s this,” Exer said and they both laughed, not wanting to leave and stay in their own world a little longer. “But you’re right, we should go,” he sighed with finality.
They stood up, David first then helping Exer, and walked back to their classroom.
Exer looked around. The halls were clear. In a moment of boldness he grabbed David’s hand. David seemed startled and flinched slightly but kept walking. His gaze was glued to the ground and his face took on a pinkish colour. Suddenly unsure, Exer wanted to draw back his hand but David held onto it before he could, giving it a reaffirming squeeze.
It was nice holding hands in public. Well, or as close as they could get to holding hands in public. He felt sad, having to hide his affection for David (not that he was very good at it). All around them, couples were able to show that they actually were one. Sometimes they even ate each other alive for all eyes to see and no one said anything against it. But if him and David were to do a simple act like holding hands, they would get looks, threats or maybe even attacked.
It got to David, a lot. The slightest insinuation of him liking boys made him retreat, going in on himself and loosing all of his confidence. He was terrified of judgement and Exer couldn’t blame him.
Because it was scary and unfair.
Three doors before they reached the classroom, Exer let go of David, readying himself for going back inside.
“You can do it,” David mumbled supportively and gave him one last quick hug.
"Sorry Mr. Roberts, Exer was feeling sick. But he’s better now!" David said as soon as they reentered the room and Exer smiled.
He was so stupidly in love with this boy.
“Care to explain yourself?”
David’s dad was standing in the doorframe to his room. He didn’t turn to look at him. He knew exactly what his dad meant and he didn’t want to talk about it. “I thought you would come home in the evening,” David stated matter of factly instead.
“Why are you skipping football? What does this mean!?” William confronted him, ignoring what his son just said.
David sighed. He really, really, really didn’t want to have this talk but maybe he shouldn’t run away from it any longer.
“Dad I… I don’t like football.” David didn’t dare to look his father in the eyes. It was blatantly obvious what he would have to say about this. “I don’t,” he gathered all of his determination. “I don’t want to play anymore.”
William scoffed. “You are my son. My son has to like football. Don’t you want to get into college? How else do you wanna do that, you are too stupid otherwise!”
“I...” David started, completely taken aback.
“You’re grades haven’t been getting better either.”
“But they also haven’t gotten worse-”
“I don’t care,” William grumbled. “If you are even thinking about quitting football, stop it. You are a Miller. Miller’s love football-”
“SO WHAT IF I DON’T, HUH? I AM NOT YOU, DAD! DON’T PUNISH ME FOR THE THINGS YOU COULDN’T ACHIEVE!” David snapped and immediately regretted it.
The following silence was so loud and agonizing, it felt like eternity.
“You will not talk to me in this way young man,” Mr. Miller said threateningly. “No one,” he slowly brought up his hand. “Will talk to me in this way.”
David was frozen in fear. He couldn’t move.
What… what was happening?
From one moment to another, the pain hit his shoulder and he went to the ground with a thud. His father was looming over him as if he were a god and David only his lowly servant.
The accuracy of those words made David’s chest hurt.
He felt the impact of a foot, this time on his leg, and sucked in a pained breath. David had always been wary of his father, but he never felt afraid of him.
Now he did.
His dad had never seemed more dangerous, his dad had never seemed more willing to hurt him.
David’s vision went blurry from the tears forming in his eyes. He closed them, preparing himself for another kick, accepting his fate, but it never came. Instead, he heard Exer’s voice.
Wait, Exer?
“ARE YOU INSANE?” David opened his eyes. Exer was standing between him and William, blocking the man from reaching his son.
William didn’t acknowledge Exer’s words. “Get out of my house!”
“No I won’t, you are mental man! How could you hurt him? He’s your son!” Exer looked enraged. David was sure he had never seen him angrier before. A few objects in David’s room were shaking. Some were even hovering above the ground but barely so, you wouldn’t see it if you didn’t know about it.
Exer’s magic.
The sneer on Williams face seemed to get even bigger. “You can’t tell me what and what not to do with my son,” he hissed. Mr. Miller brought up his hand again “You are pathetic, just as pathetic as my him-”
“STOP THIS NONSENSE NOW, WILLIAM!” a voice rang out. Everyone froze and turned to look at the door.
It was Linda.
William’s wife entered the room, giving her husband a death stare as she passed him. “Come on boys.” She helped up David, grabbed both his and Exer’s hand and hurriedly ushered them out of the room, William’s protests falling deaf to her ears. Not slowing down she grabbed the car keys and they left the house.
“Get in,” she said, exhausted, and entered the driver’s seat. David and Exer sat down in the back, David on the right and Exer in the middle. His boyfriend put a protective arm over his shoulder. Linda didn’t waste any more time, started the car and drove of.
“Are you alright sweetie?” she asked David, looking through the rearview mirror. David nodded. His body ached a little but other than that he was fine. Physically at least.
“I’m sorry about William, he’s having a bad day and-” She stopped abruptly, conflict written all over her face. “No, no, what am I saying? I know this is not alright. David, I’m so sorry, I should’ve stepped in sooner. And I don’t just mean today.” David’s heart was beating rapidly, still overwhelmed by the whole situation.
“William – he is not a good man. I know that now and I can’t keep letting him hurt you.”
The car came to a stop. They were in front of Exer’s house. “He can stay with you for a while, right?”
“Of course,” Exer said without question.
“Will you be ok?” David asked worriedly before they left the car. If William was able to hit his son, he wouldn’t shy away from hitting his wife too.
“Don’t worry,” she said smiling sadly but David couldn’t help and do.
It was late at night. David and Exer were lying in bed, cuddled together and trying to catch the smallest ounce of sleep. It didn’t work, so they talked instead.
“Day, I swear I was so close to killing him. My magic was going crazy.” Exer muttered in a sleepy voice. “Me too, you know? I can’t stand when you get hurt.” His boyfriend held onto him more tightly.
There were simple rules in the universe – unchangeable and undeniable facts – like that the sky is blue for example, or that you have to drink and eat to stay alive.
Similarly, it was also an unwavering truth that David and Exer would always be there for each other when they got hurt.
“I know Ex and I love you for that.” David kissed the top of Exer’s head and then nestled himself into his chest. “I still can’t comprehend that this really happened.”
“Me too. But don’t worry, we will get through this together.”
And David could only hope that they would. Some day.