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The chill of the breeze whipped through soft, blue hair as Khun stood, staring out at the boundless sea before him. Waves curled against themselves and hurtled towards the shoreline before crashing against the surface of the sand. The world was loud, but his mind was quiet.
The past few hours had been overcast, and he couldn’t help but to enjoy the biting weather. He and Baam and the others had dropped by a house next to the sea as they debated on what their next move would be.
In all actuality, they all needed a break; and no one argued with Hockney when he mentioned that he knew of a place they could find rest in for a short time. When he had first brought it up, everyone had looked to Khun to see if he’d boycott the suggestion, to which he immediately had looked to Baam.
His opinion didn’t matter, he’d do whatever Baam wanted; and if the irregular had wanted to continue on, he would have. However, when he looked over to the brunet, he saw a small smile on his face as Baam was nodding in agreement. With a smirk, he turned back to Hockney. “Seems that we are all in agreement.”
That is how they ended up here, and Khun found himself on a balcony dreaming about how great life could be if they all just settled down.
Dressed in warm, loose sweatpants and a pullover crewneck, Khun allowed his feet to carry him across the connected dock and out to the shoreline.
Quietly, he let the wind whip against his face and billow his baggy clothes against his sensitive skin. It was like he could feel every last inch of himself as it cut through him. He stared out towards the horizon as he thought about how far they had all come. Little had he known that the timid boy he met over a decade ago could have carried them so far.
He was grateful that he met Baam, but his heart constantly felt like it ached. It’s a pain he felt deeper than when Maria had betrayed him, but it was one he welcomed anyways. Baam would never hurt him the way that Maria had, and Khun knew that he was bringing this suffering on himself.
For some reason, the overcast skies and rough sea reminded him of this truth. It was a solemn silence that he tapped into as he drug his gaze up and down the shoreline. The pure loneliness he felt as he recognized the lack of life around him. Not a soul within sight, and the beach fading into a grey fog as far as the eye could see.
He put his hands into his pockets and sighed at the sight. He deserved it, didn’t he? He had chosen to help a traitor all those years ago. He had a choice and these were the consequences of that decision. Life constantly seemed to laugh at him and push him to the edge, always drawing him nearer and nearer to death.
Looking out at the waves, he imagined how quickly he could be caught in their undertow and pulled down below the surface. How some people lost their lives at the hands of the sea. How his bare feet currently stood firm in the damp sand and were being kissed by the water that could so easily steal the breath from his lungs if he so chose to swim out to them.
It almost felt tempting.
The feeling of a warm hand wrapping around his wrist had Khun stopping in his tracks just as he had taken his first step toward the water.
“Khun?”
He barely heard it against the roll of the wind and waves. Without shaking the hand from him, he turned around and softly smiled. “Baam.”
“What were you going to do, Mr. Khun?”
The honorifics again. I thought he had gotten past that.
“Nothing. I just wanted to wade a little deeper to see how the water felt against my legs.”
“It’s freezing out here,” Baam shivered.
As he fully turned to look at Baam, Khun reached out to take both of the irregular’s hands into his own. He held them tight as he called upon the fire fish to warm his palms.
“You’re not supposed to do that,” Baam slightly whined.
“Don’t worry about it. It’s fine.”
Baam pouted a little as Khun warmed his hands between his own.
“Are you feeling any warmer?”
Golden eyes shimmered as they looked at Khun. Unyielding and mysterious, they stared at him. So many times Khun was reminded that the moment he believed that he had Baam figured out, the irregular would shroud his motives once again. Khun knew that he didn’t mean to. Baam was simply unpredictable like that. If he was being honest, it was something he loved about the other man. Constantly growing and learning instead of always being able to guess his every move like he seemed to be able to do with everyone else.
Many times he felt like he could read Baam. Especially in the other’s times of need. Frequently, Khun’s mind wandered back to the moment at the end of the nest battle when Baam had teleported back to them and he had met the irregular with a strong embrace.
He reminisced about the way his lean frame seemed to melt into him. Like he was able to take a fraction of the pain from him in that moment. He remembered how the longer he had held Baam against him, the tighter the irregular gripped his jacket; as if Khun was going to slip through his fingers. Baam’s hair had been soft below his fingertips as they ran soothingly across the crown of his head. It was a moment Khun called on when he needed to remind himself of the significant role he played in the irregular’s journey up the tower.
But that was all that he was.
He was a strong tower; a safe space for the man to rest his soul and bear his fears openly as he sought to fight for the people. Khun would never believe that he could be anything more. Despite the constant claims from Baam that he was indeed the irregular’s “best friend.” A part of him just couldn’t accept that it could be true.
He saw soft cheeks turning pink from the wind as Khun looked into those warm eyes. They were gentle but determined in the way they looked back at him. Then, before he could register what was happening, strong arms were pulling his wrists around Baam’s waist before wrapping themselves firmly around his shoulders. They drew him in until it felt like the two were one. It was an embrace that soon felt like it could rival the one he always had on his mind.
Turning his head slightly to get a peek at Baam’s hair, Khun asked, “What’s this for?”
“Don’t go,” Baam muffled into his shoulder as he squeezed Khun tighter.
The response had felt so pathetic that it made Khun’s heart ache. “I’m not going anywhere.” He barely managed to get out before he felt his voice begin to waver.
“How many times…” The words died in the air before Baam could finish his thought and Khun felt the man shudder in his arms.
Silently, he called upon the fire fish again to warm his skin from his chest all the way through his arms. Willing it to permeate through his clothes to hopefully comfort Baam from the chill.
“Stop that!” Baam suddenly pulled back, nearly shaking Khun, just as the heat had started seeping through the light bearer’s clothes. “Stop. Please.”
Khun blinked at the sudden outburst. Simply staring dumbfounded at the typically mild-spoken man that still held him in his arms.
He watched as tears slowly filled the corners of Baam’s eyes, nearly spilling over. Witnessing it felt like a pit was opening up inside of him and that he was helpless at the other’s distress. What could he do? He was completely unprepared for a moment such as this.
Before he could respond, Baam was choking out, “I’ve nearly lost you twice now.”
Khun felt Baam’s hands tighten around his biceps as if they were planting him in the moment. He didn’t dare to turn away as he watched Baam’s eyes dart between his cobalt ones.
Laced with worry? Searching for an answer? This time Khun didn’t know. So, he remained silent. Waiting for Baam to speak the piece he seemed to want to say.
Baam sighed before dragging Khun back into his arms. This time pulling Khun down under his chin in order to caress his head against his strong chest. When had Baam gotten so solid? When had his shoulders broadened and his chest become so sturdy? When was the last time Khun had the chance to look at him? Like, really look at him?
As Khun’s ear pressed against him, the roar of the wind was slowly replaced by the rapid beating of Baam’s heart.
He must be nervous, anxious even , Khun thought.
He felt a gentle hand begin to card its fingers through his tangled, wind-whipped hair. The tender touch felt too caring to Khun. It was something he hadn’t experienced in well over a decade, and something inside him wept at that.
He stood silent in Baam’s arms as the wind continued to blow around them, pulling at their shirts and hair as it picked up. It had become so strong, and Baam’s heartbeat had become so loud under his ear, that Khun nearly missed it when Baam had whispered, “I love you,” against his hair.
If it hadn’t been for Baam’s warm breath washing over his head, he certainly would have missed it.
At first, he stood frozen by the confession. Had he heard correctly? Had he really even heard anything at all? It wasn’t until he felt a single tear land on his head that Khun finally looked up to find tear-stained cheeks.
When he did, Baam quickly began to wipe furiously under his eyes, apologizing for the sudden outburst of emotion. “You just looked so sad, but I shouldn’t have sai-”
“Did you mean it?”
Khun squeezed Baam’s sides as if it would help calm the current storm that was brewing in his mind. It appeared to bring the irregular back to the present and out of his spiraling of apologies. He stopped wiping at his eyes and furrowed his brow at Khun.
“Of course I did.”
“No, Baam,” he squeezed tighter as if begging him to understand what exactly he was asking. It was a silent plea. One that had been missed if Baam’s searching eyes were any indication of that. Sighing, Khun continued, clarifying, “In what… sense do you mean that?”
Suddenly, Khun was watching a blush of crimson flush across Baam’s cheeks as the irregular shifted his gaze towards the sand.
“I thought you knew.”
It was Khun’s turn to blush because now he did know.
Taking a deep breath to center himself, he carefully reached toward Baam’s chin with a trembling hand. When his shaking fingers found purchase on Baam’s jaw, he slowly tilted his head back towards him, silently asking for the brunet’s attention.
As his head shifted, Baam’s eyes found their way back to his; and when they did, Khun couldn’t help himself from looking deeply into them. They shimmered like liquid gold. It was hard for Khun to pull his gaze away from them, but soon his eyes were flicking down to something he had quietly desired for a long time.
His eyes fell upon Baam’s lips, almost unabashedly. He was too captivated by the other and had come too far at this point to feign innocence of the action, but there was still the smallest thread of nerves that held him back from doing anything further. So, he stared until he felt his typically stoic demeanor melt away and his eyes begin to fall heavy on the desire those lips held.
“You can kiss me,” Baam finally whispered.
It was barely loud enough to reach Khun’s ears before it was being swept away by the wind. Hearing it had Khun’s eyes darting back to Baam’s in search of confirmation of the statement. As they fell on Baam’s once more, he found soft eyes that appeared to be waiting for him. Like they were quietly asking him to take the invitation.
And who was he to deny Baam?
The hand that had remained on Baam’s side gingerly met the other as Khun took Baam’s face in his palms and pulled him into a gentle kiss.
Their lips had barely brushed together before Khun felt his head beginning to dizzy from it all. Baam felt perfect pressed against him. His lips were soft and tasted so much sweeter than any dream Khun could have dreamt of them. The way Baam pushed and pulled with the ebb and flow of Khun’s lead was intoxicating and Khun imagined he’d be itching to experience it over and over again after they parted. They were timid, but oh so purposeful as well. Each brush of their lips meant something and sent sparks flying down Khun’s neck.
They were kissing. Khun was kissing Baam.
It was a moment he never imagined would have ever happened but guessed was almost expected at this point simply due to the sheer unpredictability that was Baam.
Khun smiled against the final kiss before pulling away. Then, as the wind tousled his hair some more, he smirked, “I was sad. Thank you, Baam.”