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It had been a few years since they’d been cursed, and overall, Raine and Eda had been doing pretty well for themselves. Sure, Eda had a small bounty out for her arrest, but she took pride in that more than anything else, having framed the picture and put it up on the wall. They’d toasted it with some apple blood that first night.
Lately though, Eda had been closing herself off to Raine. She knew she was, and worst of all, she knew why. And it was a stupid reason. She’d felt like this was all her fault from the start, and the guilt only grew as time went on. Raine shouldn’t be dealing with this. While she’d once felt comforted in the fact that they knew exactly what she was going through, had found it easier to open up when she’d once been closed off, she now found it hard to talk about anything emotional. Anything curse related. Because any time she tried to unload some of her pain, she just remembered that they wouldn’t be going through any of this if it wasn’t for her.
She didn’t think much had changed, really. She just talked about herself a bit less. Some people would be grateful for that, claiming she was self-centered and only wanted to talk about herself in the first place. Now she made sure she was more of a listener, constantly asking Raine how they were feeling, what she could do to help them. When Raine tried to flip it around onto her, she’d just wave them off. It’d been getting progressively worse and worse until the past few months, where she was reluctant to talk about herself more than just how her day at the market went.
And she could tell Raine had noticed.
Eyebrows raised when she answered with an ‘I’m good’, a frown on their face when she used the word ‘fine’. They didn’t question her, which she was grateful for, but they seemed to be doing something else.
Pulling away.
They didn’t hold her through the night anymore. Didn’t invite her to join them on their nightly walks. The laughter that once filled the Owl House was now replaced with awkward silence where neither knew what to say. Eda just wanted everything to go back to normal, and she knew it was on her, but honestly? Now she was scared. She’d forgotten how easy it was to be closed off. The worry of judgment was gone, replaced by a cool indifference that if she was rejected, at least they hadn’t known the real her anyways.
“Let’s go to the hill,” Raine suddenly interrupted her musings from where they’d been reading at their armchair. Eda looked up from the crystal ball she’d mindlessly been staring at while thinking and let out a ‘huh’. “Let’s go. Walk. We haven’t in a while.”
Eda hummed an affirmative and headed toward the door, Raine right behind her. Fiddlesticks yipped, excited for some exercise, while Owlbert flew behind them at a slow pace. It was a nice walk. Leisurely. It should’ve been filled with no worries, but moments like that didn’t happen to Eda anymore. Everything was a worry. Because what if she said the wrong thing and finally pushed Raine too far. She could tell they were close. And she didn’t know what she’d do when they decided enough was enough.
She wasn’t sure she’d be able to live with herself.
Yet changing herself wasn’t something she could see herself doing, either. She couldn’t put her worries onto Raine, they had enough to deal with. Enough shit that she’d caused. Sure they’d understand what she was going through, but they shouldn’t. They shouldn’t be matching elixir taking days on their schedule with hers, they shouldn’t be taking elixirs at all.
It was all her fucking fault. She had no proof, but it was the only thing that made sense.
Eventually, they reached the top of Snapdragon Hill, neither having spoken a word. They hadn’t been here as often lately. She used to come here to practice her Mandolin, Raine constantly needing to fix her fingering. Confession time? She’d known what to do. She’d just wanted to feel Raine’s hands on hers.
She really was a mess without them.
She tried to think back to the last time they’d come here together. It had been a few months now. Back, before everything, this had been their hideaway. The only place they could go to just be themselves, just the two of them. Just two kids in love. Now they had adult worries to worry about, like keeping a roof over their head and food in their mouths.
And the constant worry that she was ruining her partner’s life.
“Eda?” Raine eventually asked, after they’d been sitting in Their spot for a few moments. Eda turned to them and faked a smile.
“What’s up, Rainestorm?” she asked.
“This isn’t working, Eda.”
At those words, Eda’s entire world went dark. She knew this was coming. It was her own fault, really it was, and she knew it. But that didn’t make it any easier to hear. She stared at the bard as her heart slowly shattered in her chest, making it hard to breathe.
“You’re just… you were opening up to me. You were being yourself more than you ever had. And then you started pulling away.” Raine wasn’t looking at her as they talked. They were looking at their own hands, hanging limply from where their arms rested on their knees. “And you never looked back. I feel like I don’t know who you are anymore.”
Eda had nothing to say. She couldn’t deny anything.
“I just… I love you, Eda, more than anything. But I can’t take feeling like I’m living with a stranger.”
Eda slowly stood up and faced away from Raine, gripping her arms tightly. She could already feel feathers sprouting between her fingers, across her wrists, from her neck. She held it back, though. She didn’t need Raine to feel sorry for her. They should get out what they wanted to say.
“Eda? Don’t you have anything to say?”
“I’m fine, that’s fine. I get it,” she rushed out, tears dripping from her eyes. “You want to leave, just like everyone else. That’s fine.”
“Titan, I fucking hate that word,” Raine said, beginning to get angry. “Fine. Fine fine fine. It’s all I’ve fucking heard from you lately.”
“Well maybe that’s because I’m fucking fine !” she shouted, closing her eyes to try and stop the flood.
“You’re not! I can tell! Because I know you! Or, I thought I did.” They sighed and ran a hand through their hair. “Look, Eda, do you understand anything that I’m trying to say?”
“That you’re done with me? I get it.”
“That’s not it at all. I don’t want to… to break up with you.” The words sounded hard to get out, but felt like a weight pressing against her chest when they released them. She wasn’t sure she could breathe anymore. “But you’re leaving me no choice. You get that, right?”
“Whatever you say.”
“Stop that!” Oh. They were angry now. She didn’t get it. She was trying to give them what they wanted.
More feathers sprouted. She could feel them crawling up her arm, across her throat.
“Leaving you is the last thing I want to do, but you won’t fucking talk to me!”
“You want me to talk?” Eda said, fuming. “I’ll talk. I’m a huge fucking mess and I’m bringing you down with me, Raine. Is that what you wanted to hear? Me confessing to what a fuckup I am?”
“No! Titan, you’re not listening to me!”
“Shouldn’t you be the one listening? You’re telling me that I’m not talking!”
“You’re not even making any sense now!”
Eda finally turned around and faced Raine, knowing they’d see how close they were to transforming, but not caring. She was shocked to see feathers sprouting on Raine, too. Their arms. Their neck. Even a few were poking out under their pant leg.
But she couldn’t stop her anger now. The Owl Beast only fueled her as she continued to rage.
“I’m not making sense? Oh that’s just rich! I’d make plenty of sense if you just fucking listened!”
“I’m listening, but you’re not saying anything !”
Eda let out a screech, more beast than human at this point. Raine followed close behind, a growl of nothing but pure rage. She didn’t even know why she was so mad. But part of her wanted to rip everything in her sight to bits.
And then it went black.
The Owl Beast stared at the creature across from her, sizing it up. She’d seen it once before, the first time she’d been freed from this small prison cell, and they’d gotten along then. But it was different now. The Owl Beast’s host was filled with rage, and fear. Why? What had been happening before she took over?
She wasn’t caged this time at least. There were no walls trapping her in. She looked around, keeping the Bat Beast visible in the corner of her eye at all times. It seemed to be assessing the situation, same as her. The area seemed clear aside from the two of them.
It was quiet, aside from the low growling coming from each of them.
The Owl Beast took a hesitant step closer to the Bat Beast, bowing her head. She didn’t want to fight if she didn’t have to. She honestly wasn’t sure she would win. Against most things? Yes. She was big, she was strong. She had her and her host to defend. But the Bat Beast was born of a similar power, ancient and lost. She did not want to risk losing.
The Bat Beast bowed its head in return, though it didn’t take its eyes off of her for a moment. The suspicion radiated off of it like a warm heat, and the Owl Beast couldn’t blame it, for she was filled with suspicion of her own.
Another step was apparently too much, as the Bat Beast swatted at the air before her and gave a screech, paying no attention to the Snapdragons it was crushing under its massive talons. The Owl Beast hissed back, but did not attack, for it understood a warning when it saw one. Instead, the two just faced off, unwilling to be the one to back down first.
This time the Bat Beast took a hesitant step forward. The Owl Beast tilted its head in acceptance and didn’t otherwise move. It moved close enough to smell her, and the Owl Beast could smell it in return.
It smelt familiar. Perhaps because they were of the same magic. Perhaps because their hosts were so familiar, the smell bled through to their own minds. The Owl Beast was unsure, but either way, felt her haunches relax unconsciously.
The Bat Beast circled her for a few moments, but it was less of a predatory move, and more of a playful one. The Owl Beast carefully swatted at its flank, just to see how it would react. It chuffed at her, almost as though it no longer saw her as a threat. Her? Not a threat? She growled, wanting to show she wasn’t something to be trifled with. The Bat Beast just tapped her on the head with one of its talons, as though it were an older sibling chastising its younger. A grumble escaped her at that.
Without warning, the Owl Beast tackled into the Bat Beast’s side, knocking it over. The Bat Beast roared in indignation before realizing - this was a game. The Owl Beast could’ve raked her long talons across its chest if she’d wanted to, but she hadn’t. She’d only knocked them over. So rather than slicing her exposed underbelly with its own claws, it jumped and tackled her to the ground.
Just a game. Like that of children. The Owl Beast hadn’t been a child in a long time, but she did not forget what it felt like.
The two rolled down the hill, a constant exchange of who was on top. They were scraped by twigs and branches as they rolled, but their massive sizes barely felt it, instead focused on the feeling of touching another. The playful interaction was their first interactions with other beings in who knows how long.
Everyone ran away from the beasts.
Understandable, as they were usually out for blood. But who could blame them, when they were constantly caged, unable to be free. Even when she freed the imprisonment of the human that held her within, the Owl Beast was still trapped. In a new, foreign place, unsure who anyone around her was. It just wasn’t safe to inspect the area - she had to fight to be free. Anything in her way would feel her wrath.
Her witch was scared of her - she knew this. But she did not care, for the witch did not care for her . Her witch was scared. Not willing to interact with her and come to an understanding, her witch did not deserve her sympathy. They may both be trapped, but only the Owl Beast understood that.
She believed for this to be the same in the Bat Beast.
Truly they were one in the same.
It was nice.
As they reached the bottom of the hill, the Owl Beast claimed victory, having a larger size over the Bat Beast and being able to flip it one final time. She rested her talons on its chest, holding it down. The Bat Beast chuffed again, submitting itself to her win.
The Owl Beast wasn’t sure she’d consider herself a ‘friend’ of the Bat Beast. But they could understand each other, if just in this moment. Perhaps next time they’d be enemies, but for now, like could recognize like, and a good time could be had. Bits of snapdragons and grass littered her mane now, but that would be the witch's problem to deal with. She didn’t have time to groom before she transformed back. She could tell her time was almost up, perhaps because the rage had subsided, filled instead with this playful atmosphere.
The two continued to playfully bat at each other, blocking the other’s talons with their oversized wings. It was odd, playing like this, but the Owl Beast could honestly say she enjoyed it. A way to move and use some of her instincts without all the blood and guts a hunting excursion would include. Perhaps the Bat Beast wasn’t so bad.
As the sun began to set in the sky, the Owl Beast found herself growing tired. She could tell that the Bat Beast was, too, as they let out a large yawn between swipes at her legs. The two decided to curl up together - no words were needed when you were in sync. Their heads huddled close, the Bat Beast curled slightly under the Owl Beast’s larger, fluffier wings. She felt herself drifting off to sleep, for once not dreading the moments that came next. She found herself willingly handing control back to the witch.
Eda woke up calmly, something that didn’t tend to happen after a transformation. She almost didn’t realize she had transformed, until the events of earlier came flashing back. The screaming. The rage. The hurt.
Raine was trying to break up with her.
So drawn in on that thought, she almost didn’t realize Raine was in her arms. Quite literally, curled deeply into her arms, head pressed into her chest. It was almost shocking that she hadn’t noticed, considering the way their body was trying to become one with her own.
She didn’t dare make a noise to disturb them. If this was going to be the last moments she had with them, she was going to make them last. She kept her eyes open, taking in their form, the way their nose curved. Their long eyelashes, fluttering softly as they began to wake up.
Fuck, she really didn’t want them to wake up.
“Eda?” they said as their eyes finally opened. They pulled back slightly and just looked into her eyes, Eda getting lost in theirs. She wanted to just cry and say how sorry she was and promise to be better. She couldn’t lose them.
“Are you okay?” she asked instead.
“Just a bit sore,” they admitted, moving to sit up. Eda wanted to pull them back down and just stay here, forever.
Instead, Eda followed them up. And just stared at them as they put their head in their hands and sighed, running their fingers through their mint hair.
“Eda…” they repeated, this time sounded defeated. Eda dreaded the words that would follow. “I’m sorry.”
Wait what?
“I’m just… you’re being so closed off to me lately, I feel like I’m doing something wrong all the time . I must have done something to make you think you can’t open up to me anymore. What if you were trying to pull away and just couldn’t put the words to it? So I beat you to the punch. But I should’ve just asked you why. So here I am - asking why.”
Eda was stunned silent for a moment. Truthfully, she hadn’t realized that her decision was affecting Raine this way. She’d only thought of how it affected her. Titan, she was selfish. All the more reason that Raine should pull away.
But after this, she wasn’t sure she could let them.
“I just. I’m scared, Raine,” she admitted, curling into herself, clutching her knees to her chest. “This is all my fault. And I know you’re going to say it’s not, but it’s the only thing that makes sense. Your life is fucked up, all because of me. You are letting people think you’re dead, because the alternative is worse. And that’s all because of me . I didn’t want to put more on you. I can handle my problems on my own, you don’t need to shoulder them.”
“We’re partners, Eda,” Raine said after letting them sit in silence for a moment, processing her words. “Or, I thought we were. Partners work together. There’s no 50/50 in the real world. If you need me to shoulder a bit more right now, then I will. And I know you’d do the same for me. That’s a true equal exchange. You’re not putting too much on me, I’ll happily take it on if it means you’re being open and honest with me. It’s this closed off behavior that hurts me, never you being open.”
Eda felt tears running down her face. She had nothing to say. She knew Raine was right, but admitting that was still hard.
“Leaving you is the last thing I want to do. You know that, some part of you knows that. But if you’re not going to leave me another choice, I’ll do it.”
Eda shut her eyes and finally managed to get out a few words. “Don’t go,” she pleaded.
“If you don’t want me to, I won’t,” Raine said, plainly, putting an arm around her. “But I need you to be open with me. More than you are now, at least. I won’t expect you to go back to where you were right away, but I just. I ask that you work on it. Please.”
“I can… I can try,” she said, forcing the words out. She meant it though. She’d try.
“That’s all I need,” they admitted, placing a kiss on her head. “I love you, Eda. Please don’t pull away from me anymore.”
“I didn’t mean to. I just… I didn’t know what else to do.”
“Then ask me next time, and we can work it out together.”
They gave her a soft smile at that, and Eda found herself returning it, despite the tears still falling from her eyes. After a moment she threw her arms around their shoulders and leaned into their chest, bawling her eyes out.
“I’m so sorry,” she pushed out as they wrapped their arms around her, pressing their face into her hair. She felt them place a soft kiss there as they stayed silent and just held her. “I didn’t mean to… I just… I’m really… really sorry.”
“I know,” Raine said softly. “And I should have talked to you before now, but I was scared, too. I didn’t want you to pull away from me, and you were. I was scared you’d say you didn’t want me around anymore.”
“I don’t think even I could lie that well,” Eda joked, wanting to lighten the mood. Raine just lightly thumped her on the back of the head.
“From now on, we talk about our problems, okay? We don’t let them fester.” Oh boy, that was easier said than done. She let her eyes drift upwards at the face that shined down on her with pure, unconditional love. She’d try for them.
“I’ll do my best.”
She may be a liar, but this was the one person she couldn’t lie to. She’d seen how well that had gone over. Never again. She couldn’t promise to never slip up, but by the Titan, she’d try harder.
“That’s all I can ask.”
The two held each other for a few more minutes, just basking in the moonlight. Raine played with Eda’s hair as they held her close, and Eda rubbed at Raine’s arms.
“You have… so many snapdragons in your hair,” Raine eventually said with a laugh. “This is going to take days to clean out.” Eda groaned. She knew her hair was a monster, she couldn’t even imagine how she looked. Raine had enough of the flowers littered in their own, much shorter hair, and sticking to their clothes, she knew her long mane only attracted more.
“What the hell did the beasts even get up to?” she asked, picking one of the crushed flowers out of her partner’s hair. “A flower crushing contest?”
“Whatever it is, I think they had fun,” Raine admitted. “It feels silent in there. That’s unusual.”
“Yeah, I think you’re right.” She found herself smiling.
“Ready to head home, Calamity?”
“With you? Always.”