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Daniel Smythe-Smith is one of the friendliest people Gareth has ever met in his life.
He isn’t used to it.
Kindness without strings attached, that is.
Oh, his mother loved him, sure, and his uncle Edward, too; it makes him sad to think about these days. How he lost two of the people he loved the most in such a short time. Sure, George loves him, but George loves their dad more.
His grandmother Agatha loves him (and what’s more: hates his dad), but he so rarely gets to see her. Besides, she’s not exactly what one would call kind. He’s never once doubted that she loved him, of course, but that’s not the same thing. Her kindness has strings.
So does George’s.
Even if those strings mean asking him for completely opposite things.
So this thing with Daniel Smythe-Smith… Gareth isn’t sure how to deal with how friendly he is. How nice he is. How genuinely, bone-deep kind he is.
How he takes Gareth under his wing, along with Marcus Holroyd and Hugh Prentice. Marcus is quiet, so Gareth isn’t totally sure, but he suspects, like many students at Eton, Marcus’s parents are somewhat distant.
Hugh, though. Gareth has heard rumours about Hugh’s father – and about Hugh’s older brother, Freddie, who is the entire reason the school knows about Hugh’s father.
Hugh’s father is, if the rumours are to be believed (Hugh never confirms them), worse than Gareth’s own.
Daniel makes it his personal mission to befriend the three of them, even though Marcus is the only one who accepts his offer of joining him at his family’s estate in the country for the holidays after Michaelmas Half.
(Gareth’s father would be livid, and from Hugh’s grim look as they say their goodbyes, he suspects the same is true for Lord Ramsgate.)
The holidays only make it all the more jarring.
Gareth’s mother is dead. His uncle Edward died years ago; he’s certainly not about to stop by to drop off some gifts. George is nice enough, but he’s always more distant in front of their father; so eager to please him.
Gareth almost cries with relief when his grandmother Agatha comes to pick him up for lunch.
(His father doesn’t care; of course not. His father never cares about him.)
His grandmother quizzes him throughout lunch; he gets every answer right. He’s clever. He doesn’t know yet what he wants to do with his life, but he gets good marks at school. His grandmother tells him he’s the only grandchild she has who isn’t an idiot. He’s never quite sure how much of a compliment that is (just that she means it as a compliment).
She doesn’t hug him or kiss him or anything like that, but when she goes to drop him off at home, he still wants to beg her to let him stay with her.
Even if she might agree, it’s not worth the fight with his father.
Nothing ever is.
Gareth resigns himself to a miserable holiday full of lectures from his father and stolen moments of peace with George and a few visits with his grandmother, but then, two days after Boxing Day, Daniel Smythe-Smith surprises him by showing up on his doorstep with Marcus Holroyd in tow.
“I thought you’d be in London!”
Gareth doesn’t ask how Daniel got his address. “We only go to the countryside in the summer.”
He hates summer most of all.
Daniel nods. “I thought we could all go to the zoo?” He gives Gareth one of his irresistibly charming smiles, and again, Gareth doesn’t know how to feel.
Doesn’t know how to cope with this kindness.
Doesn’t know whether to accept it.
Doesn’t know if strings will appear once he has.
“My father…” he starts.
Daniel waves a hand. “I’ll have my parents clear it with him.”
Before Gareth can protest, Daniel has his iPhone out and is typing a lightning-fast message to his parents.
“What about Hugh?” Gareth asks.
“His father’s a prick,” Daniel says, for once looking serious. “No use.”
“My dad’s –” He can’t say it though. “He’s quite strict,” he says instead.
“Shouldn’t be a problem. My family’s got enough status that he can’t object to our friendship.”
Gareth doesn’t point out that Hugh’s father obviously does.
Besides, Daniel has a point. He’s the eldest son of an earl. His family’s title is newer than Gareths’, but it’s hardly as if he’s one of the new money rich kids whose parents have bought a way into Eton.
Gareth is going to say something when his father walks into the drawing room.
Gareth stands. “Sir.”
Lord St. Clair looks from Gareth to Daniel to Marcus. “Smythe-Smith and Holroyd, was it?”
“Yes, sir,” Daniel says. “I’m Daniel Smythe-Smith. It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance.” He offers his hand but Lord St. Clair doesn’t take it.
Instead, he narrows his eyes. “Winstead’s son? Or a nephew?”
“The Earl is my father,” Daniel says.
“And Chatteris only has one son,” Lord St. Clair says, looking over at Marcus.
“That’s right, sir.”
He glances at Gareth. “It is entirely beyond me how Gareth has managed to situate himself so well after just one Half at Eton, but I will allow this… outing.”
Gareth can’t believe his ears. “Thank you, sir,” he says, projecting his best calm façade.
“Do not think that I will not hear of any impropriety.”
“Of course not, sir.”
But Gareth is allowed to go. Daniel says he has a car waiting, but Lord St. Clair doesn’t check; he goes back to his study.
It’s only when Daniel takes his hand (and why does Gareth feel a thrill at that?) and leads him out onto the pavement that Gareth realises his friend (friend? or acquaintance?) was lying.
“You don’t have a car,” Gareth says.
“Not at all,” Daniel says easily with a grin. “We’re taking the Tube.”
Gareth has never been allowed that, but he doesn’t tell them that. He simply nods and follows Daniel’s lead.
He likes to think of himself as independent, and he mostly is, but Daniel just has a quality of leadership about him – without any cruelty or sternness.
Privately, Gareth thinks he’d make a brilliant politician.
But maybe he’s too genuinely kind for that – because so far, none of Daniel’s kindness has come with strings attached.
“You really call your father sir?” Daniel asks, and even though there’s no malice or mockery in his voice, Gareth feels uncomfortable.
“We both do, George and I.”
Daniel shakes his head. “My father’s never made us do that.”
“Your entire family is different,” Marcus says. “I call my father sir.”
“Well, you’re both honorary Smythe-Smiths now, I’m afraid.”
It’s the sort of silly, lofty statement that teenagers make. Gareth tries not to think about why his insides feel all twisted.
The thing is, Daniel Smythe-Smith is really quite handsome. His hair is dark and styled with deliberate carelessness, his eyes are a startling pale blue (all the more striking, given his hair), but his smile…
Gareth doesn’t know why he’s thinking about Daniel’s smile.
Or about Daniel’s looks at all.
He knows, though, somehow, that he has to put distance between them.
That if he lets whatever this is develop…. It’ll be a disaster for both of them.
He just doesn’t know how to stop.
If he simply starts avoiding and ignoring Daniel once they’re back at Eton, it’ll hurt him. And Gareth doesn’t want to hurt him.
“It’s a shame you weren’t with us over Christmas,” Daniel says easily as they board their train (Gareth hopes it’s the right one). “Marcus got his first kiss.”
“Oh, shut up,” Marcus says.
Gareth raises an eyebrow and deliberately does not think about Daniel and kissing or kissing Daniel or who Daniel might be kissing or any of it. “With who?”
“Daniel’s pest of a sister kissed my cheek,” Marcus says. “That’s all.”
“She is a pest,” Daniel agrees. “You wouldn’t understand, though; you’re the younger sibling, aren’t you?”
Is he a pest? He tries not to be. “Yeah. George isn’t a pest, though.” He loves their father more than he loves Gareth, but Gareth can’t fault him there. “The real question,” he says, changing the subject, “is when the wedding is.”
“I’m not going to marry Daniel’s sister,” Marcus says firmly. “I don’t know who I’m going to marry, but it won’t be her.”
“Never say never,” Daniel says. “After all, if you marry her, we’ll officially be brothers.”
“I’m thirteen. She’s six.”
“That won’t be so bad when you’re thirty.”
Gareth snorts.
Daniel grins. “See?”
And Gareth’s heart very much does not skip a beat.
By the time the Lent Half starts, Gareth is eager to return to Eton.
At Eton, after all, Daniel has so many friends that Gareth can get lost in the shuffle.
As it turns out, having Daniel Smythe-Smith living so close to him is a blessing and a curse. Gareth doesn’t know what’s wrong with him.
It’s just because Daniel is nice.
That’s all.
It has nothing to do with how good Daniel looks, or the ridiculous way Gareth feels when he gets Daniel to laugh or grin, or when Daniel touches him.
Because Gareth likes girls. He kissed a girl last summer, sneaking away at one of those obnoxious parties his father always likes to force him and George to go to. And kissing her was great.
It’s safe to say he likes kissing girls. He likes looking at girls. He likes talking to girls, likes making them blush. He wanks to the thought of girls.
When Daniel points out pretty girls they see around London, Gareth finds most of them attractive, too.
But there are no girls at Eton.
And maybe that’s the problem.
(He knows it isn’t the problem, because this all got so much worse over holidays, when Gareth was actually able to see girls his age.)
He doesn’t know what to do.
He certainly can’t have these feelings at Eton of all places, and what if his father somehow catches on?
Nothing could possibly be worth that. He’s father’s been angry with him before, plenty of times, but Gareth knows this would be a step too far. No matter who Daniel’s father is.
Besides, it’s entirely possible – likely, even! – that Daniel views him no differently from Marcus or Hugh or any number of his friends.
No; Gareth shoves it deep down where it belongs.
There are always strings attached to kindness.
Even if Daniel hadn’t meant it.