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Katsuki only had five minutes, seven if he was lucky.
But Katsuki didn’t need luck, not when his bag had already been packed for close to three months. He rushed through the apartment, grabbing his bag, wallet, and trying to find his keys. Keys, where the fuck were his keys. They had to be here somewhere. Katsuki knew one pair was on the bastard’s key ring but where were the backup ones? He didn’t take both pairs, did he? Katsuki’s face paled. No, he couldn’t have. They had to be here somewhere and Katsuki would tear the place apart if that’s what it took. Katsuki threw open all the kitchen drawers, overturning them and digging through their contents but eventually, he found his car keys, taped to the bottom of a drawer.
Fucker.
Katsuki grabbed the keys and stood in the living room, his eyes darting around as he tried to think of more things to take.
No less is better, less of a chance of being followed.
Still even as his mind screamed at him to get the hell out, Katsuki ran back into their room. He pulled out drawer after drawer, rooting through its contents until he found what he was looking for. Katsuki shoved the small box into his duffle bag and ran out of the apartment. Pushing out long-ago thoughts of red hair and a warm smile.
Thunder shook the Earth and rain pelted the ground but Katsuki was barely aware of it as he threw his stuff to the passenger seat and climbed in. He held his breath as he waited for the truck to start, exhaling in one huff as it did. Headlights pulling into the parking lot caused Katsuki to stiffen as he hurriedly rushed out of his spot and onto the road, if he was lucky the other driver didn’t notice him, and if he was even luckier, the other driver wasn’t him.
It’s not him, he won’t be home for hours!
Still, Katsuki couldn’t help checking his rearview mirror twice every minute. His shoulders were near his ears and his hands were clutching the steering wheel so hard his knuckles were white. Katsuki relaxed, if only slightly, once he reached the highway. He pressed his foot further into the gas pedal, relishing in the number climbing higher and higher. It was foolish to be going nearly ninety miles an hour at night, in the rain, but Katsuki couldn’t seem to get his foot to ease up. He needed to make as much distance as he could before he was forced to stop.
The road was thankfully empty, Katsuki expected as much. Not many people took a leisurely drive at two in the morning on a random Wednesday. Especially when the road didn’t have any street lights. If Katsuki were to turn his headlights off he’d be surrounded by pitch blackness.
Headlights appeared behind Katsuki. They were still quite a distance away but with it being the only other source of light on the road, their beams reached far. Any semblance of calm Katsuki had tricked himself into was thrown right out the window as his body began to tremble slightly.
No, it’s not him. It’s not him!
But what if it is?
Katsuki pulled off at the nearest exit, keeping a close eye behind him. Thankfully the car didn’t follow him. After a few random turns, he found himself back on a highway, this time instead of heading east he was heading south. Good the more turns he took, the less likely he was to be found.
He drove for hours in complete silence. Katsuki wished to turn the radio on, just to have something fill the stifling silence but he didn’t need a distraction, what would he even listen to anyway? It had been months, maybe even years at this point, since Katsuki had last picked what they had listened to in the car. It was never his choice.
“Well maybe if you fucking drove us for once I’d let you pick. Until then we’ll listen to what I want.”
Katsuki had offered to drive, he even begged at the beginning. He loved to drive. To see the open road pass by in a blur, to feel the wind through your hair. The music blasting so loud you can feel it thumping in your soul. To pull over at odd roadside attractions. Driving held such memories, memories he refused to let go of because Katsuki refused to let that warm smile go. Even if he’d never see it again.
Tonight marked the first time in eight months since he’d last driven but he was not laughing as he listened to shitty music, instead, he was encompassed in silence with fearful tears streaming down his face.
The silence was punctuated by loud ringing and Katsuki nearly screamed, swerving due to him jumping so hard. He righted the truck and looked at the radio’s display screen, his face drained of all color and his stomach clenched as he read the name.
Tetsutetsu.
Katsuki let it ring and ring, it barely ended before it started back up again. He called five more times in quick succession but Katsuki ignored it all. What little he could see through the rain was now blurred from his tears. His whole body shook violently and he should’ve pulled over for his own safety.
“One new message from Tetsu,” His car’s Bluetooth chimed in its pleasant robotic tone. “Would you like to play the message?”
“Y-yes,” Katsuki whispered, his voice caught on the bile rising in his throat.
“What the FUCK have you done to the place! I swear to fucking god you better get your pathetic ass back here and clean this up! I know you took the truck Katsuki, that truck belongs to me, and if you’re not back by morning I’m reporting it stolen. Though we both know I’ll find you before the police do, I always do... I’m coming to get you, Kats. You know you can’t be left alone in your state, baby. Just pull over and I’ll find you and bring you home. We can still fix this.”
Even though there was no tone as the truck read the message, Katsuki could hear Tetsu’s anger. Hear the desperate pleading that always somehow managed to convince Katsuki to come crawling back. He nearly did go back, nearly turned the wheel, and started driving the other way.
No. I am not going back, he can’t make me!
Katsuki gripped the steering wheel tighter and kept going. He wasn’t going back, he was never going back, not unless he was drugged and forced into the back of a trunk.
“I’ll find you before the police do, I always do...”
Shit! Katsuki saw a road sign for an upcoming rest stop and crossed over three lanes and barely managed to slow down enough to make the exit but thankfully he did. He drove up the winding path until he made it to a dilapidated building with a thankfully empty parking lot. Katsuki pulled out his phone and a small needle from a sewing kit that was in the console. Though his hands were shaking, Katsuki was able to pop the small sim card out of his phone. He jumped out of the truck and stumbled blindly through the small clearing until he reached a small pond. The black water was still and Katsuki stared out at its surface. The card was crushed in his hand and he chucked the broken pieces as far as he could. Katsuki could barely make out the small ripples the card caused and a choked sob was ripped out of him.
Katsuki couldn’t stay here long. He knew Tetsu was tracking him and the moment his location was gone, he’d come running. But Katsuki had at least a six-hour head start, he could afford a few minutes.
His legs buckled underneath him and Katsuki crashed to the ground. Sob after sob was pulled straight from his bleeding soul. Even as his tears dried he still heaved, gasping for air and coughing when he inhaled too much of it.
Seven years. Seven years he’d wasted with that piece of shit and all Katsuki had to show for it was clipped wings and a battered heart. The scars were never physical, no proof to show how much he suffered. What had changed? What had Katsuki done wrong to cause Tetsu to stop loving him? If he’d stopped loving Katsuki why did he stay? He had to have stopped loving him, for even though he’d still said it, the words were nothing more than an illusion, pretty but ultimately meaningless.
Maybe he was still looking through his rose-tinted glasses but he still remembered Tetsu’s beauty. His self-assuredness, his strength, the way he always found a joke in every situation, and his willingness to let others lean on him. But even as Katsuki thought, he wasn’t imagining a man with silver hair and burning black eyes, Katsuki was remembering bright red hair and eyes that shone like rubies. Sure Tetsu might have had those qualities but it wasn’t like it was when he was with Eijiro. When they were together, they shone brighter than the sun.
Katsuki stared out onto the water, his knees drawn up to his chest, for who knows how long. The water eventually stilled, becoming the dark glass it had been before Katsuki had arrived. It was his curse. He’d show up to something beautiful and ruin it, the only way it would return to its original beauty was if he disappeared.
He stood suddenly. If the world needed him to disappear, then he would disappear. Marching back to the truck, he grabbed his duffle bag and headed toward the building. It held nothing more than bathrooms, a few vending machines, and a display of local oddities and interests but it had light and a place for him to stretch his legs, and for now, that was enough.
Katsuki pushed into the bathroom and stripped himself of his shirt and sweatpants, changing into a fresh set of clothes. He caught a glance of himself in the mirror and looked away shamefully. His eyes were red and puffy, his cheeks were shiny with dried tear tracks and his hair was a mess. Thank god no one was around, they would probably call the police before Tetsu could even reach him.
Once he was out of the bathroom, Katsuki set his stuff on the floor and began rooting through his bag until he found the small, crushed box. He stared at it, a small smile crossed his lips as he lovingly traced one of its edges. It had been years since he’s opened it, since he’d even seen it, it surely would’ve been thrown out if he’d known Katsuki still had it.
Inhaling slowly, Katsuki opened it. There wasn’t much inside: a few small trinkets, a rock, faded photographs, a letter that was barely legible with how faded and smudged the pencil was, a beanie, and a crumpled map. Katsuki pulled out the map and unfolded it, laying it across the cold tile. Katsuki looked at it, a state map with a bright red line going across it. Small circles were dotted along the route and if Katsuki flipped it over he saw the accompanying attractions to each circle.
“I’m telling you, man, once we graduate college we’re taking the whole summer and we’re just gonna live! You’ll drive, obviously and I’ll tell you where to go!”
“You’re gonna give me directions? You don’t even know your lefts from your rights!”
“That’s what the map is for! With this, we’ll never be lost!”
Tears slipped down Katsuki’s face and landed on the map. Eijiro had taken such time to plan out their route, the long open road for Katsuki to drive on, stupid attractions for Eijiro to visit, and the best food for them to eat together. They were supposed to do everything together and now it was all too late. Eijiro hadn’t even made it to graduation, his demons knew how to swim and eventually, they drowned him.
Katsuki looked at a nearby map encased in some glass on the wall, from his location, he wasn’t too far off from the start of their road trip. He packed his bag, carefully tucking the box inside so that it was nestled inside his clothes, and stepped back outside. Katsuki intended to head straight for his truck but paused.
It was peaceful here, no one to bother him and no one for him to do the same. It was like the rest stop was in its own little world, disconnected from the highway and the hundreds of cars that must pass by it on a daily basis.
The first rays of sunrise were peaking from the horizon. Hues of orange and red danced across the sky, overtaking the blues and blacks of night. The day had begun, Katsuki’s sunrise had finally appeared, his night was over and his day held such promise. For once, Katsuki let himself hope. He watched the sunrise as a single tear slipped from his eye and slowly fell down his face.
“I know you’re still with me Eiji. After all, I drive and you tell me where to go.”
He looked down at the map, letting the last of the tension leech from his poor, tired muscles.
“I’ll never be lost again.”