Work Text:
It was a dark, rainy night in Yokohama. And it was also surprisingly peaceful in the apartment of Atsushi Nakajima and Ryūnosuke Akutagawa, where the couple was fast asleep in the bedroom that they shared. However, Atsushi had woken up quite abruptly after having yet another nightmare about his experiences at the orphanage in which the silver haired boy used to live. Yet this one felt disturbingly real. Much more than his typical nightmares. And usually, Atsushi could almost always distinguish that what happened to him was in the past. This time was different, though. This time, the nightmare felt endless. Like everything that Atsushi still feared to this day came back to haunt him in his sleep.
Atsushi then yelled quite loudly in a tone displaying just how distressed the boy actually was; while quickly jolting up from his bed that he had been tossing around in for the past few hours. The weretiger then grabbed his phone that was lying beside him on the nightstand beside the bed frame in which Atsushi slept. He turned on his phone and looked briefly at the time. “Shit… it’s 3:50 in the morning. Why the hell did I have to wake up like this? Why did I have to have another one of those flashbacks, tonight of all nights..?” He spoke in a flat, shaky tone as his heart began to race. His head was spinning and his chest felt heavy. Sweat dripped slowly down the boy’s forehead as he felt tears sting his eyes. Everything was a blur, until his sleepy boyfriend walked back into the room.
“Jinko? Are you alright? Why on earth are you awake so late into the night?” The black haired man spoke deeply in a concerned, genuine tone of affection. Akutagawa was never very good at displaying his care for those he held dearly. Especially not in the form of words. Nevertheless, he could tell that Atsushi had most likely had a nightmare. And there was no way he would step down from helping out the only man he’s ever felt such loving feelings for.
Atsushi couldn’t breathe. The whole room was spinning and he could feel the anxiety well up in his chest. Yet when he heard Akutagawa’s voice, he immediately turned to face his partner as tears fell down his cheeks. “Ryū… you’re here? I didn’t see you in the bed and I got worried that something had happened.” - “Yes, I’m sorry, dear Jinko. I had just woken up a few moments ago to get water, to solve my dehydration. But I promise, I’m here. Now, with that put aside, would you like to tell me what’s going on? Was it another nightmare?” Akutagawa spoke softly as he started to slowly walk towards his frightened partner.
As he walked carefully to their bed, he took Atsushi’s cold hands in his own as the raven haired man looked directly into his boyfriends deep purple eyes with those shining hints of yellow. He patiently waited for an answer to his concerned questions, but Akutagawa knew full well that Atsushi might not even be capable of giving a response of any sort to him, seeing the state he’s in. The only thing that Atsushi could manage to do in response was slowly nod his head; while whispering a very quiet “yes” as to give Akutagawa some sort of enlightenment of the situation. He felt terrified, and incredibly guilty for making his partner, who Atsushi knew had his own struggles, put up with such a burdening task as to help his boyfriend with his overwhelming emotions.
Akutagawa only gave a small hum in return. He knew Atsushi better than almost anyone. Therefore, he could always tell what Atsushi needed in times like these. Despite not being good with words, he knew that Atsushi needed as much reassurance as possible in order to even begin feeling remotely better. And being reminded that he wasn’t alone was also a very big help. So, in correspondence, Akutagawa grabbed hold of his partner's small waist, allowing them both to be pulled into a tight hug. He then softly whispered, “it’s okay, Atsushi. It was a dream. Nothing more. All of those terrible things that happened to you are in the past now. You’re safe. So don’t worry or feel guilty. And just because you need help with personal struggles, doesn’t make you an inconvenience. Not to me or anyone else.”
Hearing these shockingly sweet words coming from Akutagawa was quite a surprise to Atsushi. And the usage of his first name caught the boy off guard even more so. Atsushi knew that his partner was not the best at comfort in most cases. Especially due to the fact that he never had a good example to learn from. But Atsushi also knew that he tried. He would do anything to make sure his Jinko was safe. No matter what the circumstance. And the way Akutagawa displayed his words, the way he so carefully wrapped Atsushi in his arms made it known just how hard he was trying. Atsushi couldn’t help but embrace the touch. He grabbed hold of Akutagawa's arms as he felt a slow stream of tears pouring down. He was just never used to being treated like this. Treated like something more than a monster or ‘good for nothing.’ It was all Atsushi ever wanted. He just wanted someone to understand and take care of him for once. And now, that desire was getting fulfilled. And Atsushi just couldn’t put into words how he was feeling.
“I don’t know how to describe it, but the dream that I had… this time, more so than usual, it felt so very real. It was like everyone really did come to see me as a useless burden. Someone who is completely worthless and unlovable. And everyone who I’ve ever held dear really did get their lives ruined because of me. That thought terrifies me.. I just couldn’t live with the fact that my headmaster really was right about me all along. But, what if he is? What will happen next?” Atsushi spoke in a very soft tone. One that was barely audible. But it was the most the silver haired boy could muster. He honestly didn’t want to speak, even breathing felt painful at this point. But he couldn’t help but give some sort of response to Akutagawa’s kind words. He felt as if it was the least his significant other deserved. Yet as he said this, Atsushi continued to bury himself deeper into the other's chest.
“Listen, Atsushi. It’s okay to be vulnerable. This might sound odd, coming from me. But I’m only telling you what’s simply the truth. Being in need of love and having the desire to be cared for doesn’t ever make you a burden. And don’t think that you’re all alone in this world. Because no matter what happens, I’ll be here. I’ll protect you, no matter the cost. And if you need a reason, then it’s simply because I love you. Nothing less.” This was nothing more than a whisper; as Akutagawa gently stroked through the smaller boy’s hair.
The room then went silent, for just a moment.
What could be said at that moment?
How could Atsushi respond to such a statement?
Did he even deserve this?
These questions spiraled through Atsushi’s head nonstop as the brief silence came to pass. However, he did manage to say something. It was quite simple. A small, genuine question. And to be honest, Atsushi most likely knew the answer to this question before even asking it. But, he just had to confirm what his boyfriend had said. “Is it… really true that you love me so much? I promise I’m not trying to doubt you or your feelings, but, I have to know. Am I really worth protecting?”
It took Akutagawa a few minutes to respond to this question. He was trying to come to the correct conclusion. Trying to say something that would truly get the message across to his beloved partner. Because the answer was obvious to him. So obvious that it almost wasn’t even worth considering. Of course Atsushi was worth protecting. Akutagawa wouldn’t waste a second upon giving his life if that meant Atsushi could be safe. This was completely apparent to the older of the two partners. But Akutagawa knew that the main priority was reassuring his boyfriend that such affection as this paled in comparison to what Atsushi truly deserved.
This train of thought continued in Akutagawa’s head for just a couple more seconds, until he finally came up with an answer to his lover’s questions. However, instead of using words to convey his affection towards the other, he decided to do something a bit different than just that. He held Atsushi even closer than he already had been, before. As he proceeded to bury his head into his silver haired partner’s neck. Gently kissing it in the process. “Trust me, Jinko. There is nothing in this whole universe that could make me not want to protect you wholeheartedly. This may perhaps sound strange to you. But once again, it’s only the truth. And with that you have my word.” This was yet again spoken in a fairly quiet, soft tone by the raven haired man. But this time, it was in fact much more firm. You could tell that there wasn’t a hint of doubt behind these words that were so strongly said. This, along with the slight intensity of his physical affection, made it clear to Atsushi that this was nothing but pure honesty.
Yet again the bedroom was filled with silence. Yet this time, it wasn’t anything like earlier quietness the two had beforehand. There was no feeling of pure loneliness and unresolved pain. Instead, this silence was much more comfortable. Something that both Ryūnosuke and Atsushi were perfectly fine with. In fact, Atsushi’s shoulders actually relaxed for the first time in weeks. And, so did Akutagawa’s. It felt like everything that went unsaid, along with all the tension both men had built up for such a long time, had finally been resolved tonight.
Thankfully, Atsushi was actually much calmer than he was before. That nightmare really did terrify him, the way it felt so unbelievably real made his body shiver at the thought. But this time, the silver haired boy felt truly at peace. And he finally allowed himself to feel safe for the first time as well. This night didn’t solve everything, of course. Nothing can completely ‘fix’ the trauma of someone’s past in such a short amount of time. But this was a start. One they were both happy with.
Atsushi then began to slowly close his eyes. Once again, he felt truly warm and safe in the arms of the only man he’s ever felt so affectionately close to. And Akutagawa couldn’t feel more relieved that his dear Jinko had successfully calmed down. And he was also glad that he was getting the rest he so desperately needed. Both of them were exhausted by now, so a little bit of cuddles and rest was very well deserved.
“Thank you for saving me, Ryūnosuke.” Atsushi mumbled as he felt the wave of sleepiness wash over him.
Akutagawa playfully scoffed. “I’ll save you again. I’ll always save you, no matter how many times it must be done. Now go to sleep… my dear Weretiger.” He softly spoke as he planted a small kiss on the other’s forehead.
Then, they both had closed their eyes for the night. Holding on tightly to each other as the two soundly slept.
-End-