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The morning of Diluc’s birthday began just like any other day. He woke up at dawn and glanced at the window to see that his falcon, Vanessa, had left for the day. He refilled her feeder despite knowing she’d grab something for herself along the way. Then he prepared himself to head to Angel’s Share, ready to slip out the door before Adelinde could catch him.
What was strange was that, despite everyday playing out like this, every birthday was a bit different. Usually, Vanessa would stay by the window, greeting him with a sweet bird call. The maids and other staff would all be awake, wishing him a happy birthday before he left for work. Adelinde would prepare a large breakfast which he’d do his best to finish, lest her hard work go to waste.
Aside from the four years he’d missed when he left Mondstadt, every birthday of Diluc’s was a huge fuss. It was only natural, he supposed. He was the owner of Dawn Winery, the richest man in Mond. And before that he’d been the heir of the Ragnvindr Clan. He supposed the added aspect of his father’s death anniversary being on the same day spurred others to try and make the day more of a happy occasion for him.
But this year was different. The house was silent as he quickly descended the stairs. He didn’t mind, not really. It was only natural that things like this lost their novelty with time. Diluc supposed he wasn’t such a big deal anymore, and he was glad for it. Even as a child, he remembered whining about the unnecessarily large celebrations thrown on his birthday. Usually, he’d sneak out of the manor with Kaeya, and the two of them would get up to mischief together.
He shook the thought of Kaeya from his mind, grabbing two Sunsettias from the otherwise bare breakfast table before heading to the front door. He had only just turned the doorknob when a familiar voice stopped him in his tracks.
“Master Diluc, you’re awake!”
Diluc turned with a small smile, watching as Adelinde rushed down the stairs. She returned the smile, a harried expression and Diluc could immediately see the conflicting emotions in her eyes.
“Good morning,” he greeted with a nod. And then, before he could rethink it, he asked, “Are you… alright?”
She nodded quickly, seeming a bit more relaxed now. Her smile became less strained and she came closer, looking up at him with all the tenderness of a mother watching her son grow up.
“I’m quite alright, Master Diluc,” she reassured him. “I just thought I'd wish you a happy birthday before you left.”
That brought a genuine smile to his face and he nodded to show his thanks. Not that it mattered much to him, but he was glad that Adelinde at least hadn’t forgotten.
“Thank you.”
She waved away his thanks, though not unkindly. Her smile fell slightly as she sighed, lowering her gaze.
“I… apologize,” she said quietly. “I meant to prepare your birthday breakfast but… the time slipped away from me.”
She seemed to have more to say but held her tongue for some reason. Diluc didn’t press, despite being slightly curious. Instead, he turned his attention to what she had said.
“It’s alright,” he told her. “You know that’s not something I expect of you.”
“Even still,” she sighed, clearly disappointed in herself. “It’s the least I could do for you. Actually, I…”
She trailed off, again looking like she had something to say but couldn’t decide if she wanted to say it. A small frown creased her face gently, and Diluc was suddenly struck by how worn she looked. Before he could dwell on it any longer, Adelinde began to speak again, her voice quiet and hesitant.
“I… tried to invite Young Master Kaeya over for dinner.”
The words didn’t register right away, hanging in the air between them. Adelinde watched him worriedly as he brought his gaze back up to her again. He didn’t even realize when he’d dropped it, or when he’d stiffened, his grip on the doorknob tightening minutely.
He exhaled slowly and unclenched his jaw, bringing his expression back into neutrality.
“What did he say?” Diluc asked, dreading the response.
Again, Adelinde’s expression fell, further pronouncing her age. Distantly, Diluc wondered how many years had gone by with her wishing to see her two surrogate sons together.
“Unfortunately, he can’t make it,” she sighed. “The Abyss Order has started causing trouble in Springvale again and he’s being dispatched to take care of it along with some other Knights.”
Diluc nodded slowly, trying not to let his disappointment show, lest Adelinde feel worse about it. He wasn’t even sure how a dinner with Kaeya would play out. It was for the best that he couldn’t come.
“He… appreciated the invite though,” she continued, a hopeful spark in her voice. “He said he’d be willing to visit some other time. It’s… been a while since-”
“That’s not necessary,” Diluc said in a rush before he could think through his words. He winced when he caught sight of Adelinde’s hurt expression and rushed to amend his words with a strained smile “It’s alright. He needn’t go out of his way. We’re both busy as it is. I appreciate the thought though. Perhaps it simply wasn’t meant to be.”
Adelinde still looked pained but didn’t say anything. She smiled though, and Diluc knew it was entirely for his sake. He turned away with a sigh.
“I’ll be off then, Adelinde. I’ll see you in the evening.”
For a moment, he thought she wouldn’t respond. But then came a soft sigh and a gentle farewell.
“See you in the evening, Master Diluc.”
He tried not to dwell on the underlying sorrow, but on a day such as this, it was hard not to. With all the weight of every terrible event to occur on his previous birthdays, Diluc left the manor and hoped for normalcy at the very least.
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Again, it was strange how quickly things became old. Diluc remembered specifically how his 16th birthday had played out.
It was a lively morning, much like today, though definitely not quite as lonely. Coincidentally, it was also the day both he and Kaeya were slated to receive their Favonius badges, becoming official Knights of the Ordo. As such, many people had crowded around the Ragnvindrs the minute their carriage crested over the stone bridge on that momentous day.
Usually, he didn’t like the fuss, turning up his nose whenever Crepus required him to attend dinners and meetings, much to his father’s amusement. But on that day, Diluc was proud of both himself and his brother for having taken such a progressive step in protecting their nation. And so, he welcomed the attention. Diluc remembered how Kaeya stuck close to his side after they’d stepped out of the carriage, flashing nervous smiles and waves while Diluc himself greeted everyone boisterously.
Strange how they eventually ended up on opposite sides of the coin. Now Kaeya was the center of attention and Diluc watched from the shadows. Not that it mattered. Perhaps it should have been that way from the very beginning. Kaeya was certainly more deserving of the Knights’ badge than he, as fate portrayed.
At present, no one came to greet Diluc as he walked the busy streets of Mond. He didn’t mind it, but that certainly didn’t mean he was used to it, and Diluc attributed the hollow feeling in his chest to that. He just wasn’t used to it, that was all.
After all, even after the tragedy of his 18th birthday, the crowds and noises remained, though tinged with sorrow. If anything, the death of Master Crepus Ragnvindr had only cast a brighter spotlight on the birthday of his heir. As the years went on however, the crowd around Diluc slowly dwindled until it only consisted of people he genuinely cared about. He didn’t mind the occasional meals from Adelinde, the birthday wishes from Jean, the extravagant gift from Lisa.
Even Kaeya would go out of his way to send a not so subtle message to him on his birthday. He was less serious than the others, but he’d always show up at the tavern, beating around the bush as he waxed poetic about why it was a special day but never hitting on the subject matter. Still, Diluc appreciated that he always dropped by on those days, clearly holding back a few of his more biting remarks.
Now though, the utter lack of acknowledgement was… peaceful, if somewhat unsettling. His friends were busy and he didn’t expect anyone to go out of their way for him just because it was his birthday. What an absurd idea to even cross his mind. He was used to being alone, after all.
Even so, as the day continued on, Diluc found it harder and harder to ignore the weight of loneliness heavy on his shoulders as he tended to the tavern absentmindedly. Again, he reminded himself that it was just like any other day, so why did his heart ache so much? Perhaps it was the knowledge of what today could have been, had the tragedy of his 18th birthday been avoided. Perhaps his father could have lived, greeting him that morning with his boisterous laugh and a pat on the back. Kaeya would be just next door, in his own bedroom, tackling him with a hug before smiling wickedly as he prepared to deliver birthday punches. Adelinde would smile, not looking quite as old as she did these days. Jean would likely visit early in the morning and the three of them would head to the city together.
But it was never meant to be. Diluc had shattered most of that future with his own two hands when he disowned Kaeya and abandoned his home. In that instant, as Diluc took in the heavy loneliness of the crowded tavern he stood in, he felt utterly separated from the world. The short counter in front of him suddenly felt like a boundless chasm that he couldn’t reach over.
Losing himself to his thoughts, Diluc couldn’t stop replaying what ifs and alternate futures of what his life could have been. Halfheartedly, he tried reminding himself that he didn’t mind the quiet. He’d accepted the loneliness the moment he raised his sword against Kaeya that night. With a sigh, he distantly wished he could simply forget it was ever his birthday.
“Master Diluc? Are you alright?”
Diluc flinched, startled out of his thoughts by the familiar voice. He blinked and he was back in the tavern, Charles standing just by the door. The counter between them went back to being a simple barrier that he could easily cross. For some reason, that task seemed infinitely impossible. Diluc’s vision was blurry and he blinked again, surprised when he finally noticed the frustrated tears, on the verge of spilling over. He blinked them back before they could make themselves known, hoping Charles didn’t notice. He cleared his throat and tried for a neutral smile.
“Charles, what are you doing here?” he asked, ignoring his earlier question. “It’s your day off, isn’t it?”
Charles nodded, smiling back hesitantly.
“I just thought I'd take over for a while,” he explained. “I wouldn't want you spending your whole birthday behind the counter, you know? It’s already midday.”
Already midday? Glancing at the window, Diluc frowned when he saw that Charles was right. The sun was at its peak and soon it would begin its slow descent to the horizon, marking the end of another lonely day. For a moment, he was frozen in place with uncertainty. Then he turned to Charles with a sigh.
“That’s… quite alright,” Diluc said with a strained smile. “I don't mind bartending today. I appreciate the offer though.”
But Charles shook his head, his smile growing slightly.
“I insist.” Then his expression softened as he continued speaking. “I’m sure you’d like to pay Master Crepus a visit before the day ends.”
It was a bold statement for Charles to make. Usually, only Elzer or Adelinde made occasional comments on the late Master Crepus, and even then, there was always an air of apprehension in their voices. At Charles's words, Diluc couldn’t hold back a flinch, but he wasn’t upset despite the way his heart ached. The loneliness had gotten quite unbearable and he only needed a moment to think before he was nodding slowly.
“Perhaps I should…” Diluc said finally, his voice hollow and distant.
Charles took that as an invitation to step forward and hold out a bottle of wine. Diluc watched, somewhat numbly. He held it out in such a way that Diluc would have to come around the counter to grab it.
“Thousand Winds Wine,” Charles said with a grin. “Go. Have a drink with your father.”
Diluc simply stared for a while, the ache in his heart easing slightly as Charles smiled at him. He seemed to know what Diluc was going through, his eyes coaxing him to come out from behind the counter, his self induced confines of loneliness. Diluc tore his gaze away as he finally came out from behind the counter and took the bottle from Charles.
Diluc was compelled to thank him, speaking softly through the lump in his throat. But Charles shook his head, a hand on his shoulder.
“Happy birthday, Master Diluc.”
And with that, Charles took his place behind the counter, his hands resting on the countertop. Diluc noted that it didn’t seem like such a confined space when he stood on the other side.
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He left Angel’s Share in a trance, gripping the bottle of wine like a lifeline. Charles’s gesture eased the ache in his heart but once he left the tavern, the weight of loneliness on his shoulders was heavier than ever. As he walked, the stark absence of a familiar face made him long for someone to see him, to see into him, and tell him that things would get better.
As he walked towards the cemetery behind the cathedral, he passed by Favonius HQ, and noticed a group of Knights. He didn’t know what compelled him to slow his steps and watch what they were doing, but his eyes widened when he caught sight of a familiar streak of blue.
Unbidden, his hand reached out hesitantly. But the group of Knights were moving fast, clearly on their way to a mission. He distantly remembered Adelinde talking about something like that, about how Kaeya couldn’t make it to dinner. Now, here he was, too distracted to even-
A single blue eye caught his gaze through the crowd. Diluc stood frozen as Kaeya slowed his hasty steps slightly to throw a quick smile in his direction. Kaeya waved briefly, mouthing something before rejoining the crowd and continuing on his way.
Diluc stood there, stunned for a moment as he tried to process what just happened. It took him a second to realize what Kaeya had been saying.
‘Happy birthday, Diluc!’
Perhaps it was because he was in a rush, but that was the first time Kaeya had genuinely smiled at him and told him happy birthday, rather than skirting around the topic. The realization made Diluc feel… something he couldn’t quite put a name to. But the feeling mixed harshly with the pressing loneliness, a sickening swirl in his stomach.
Diluc shoved the feelings to the back of his mind and continued on his way.
Diluc remembered always going to his father whenever his feelings confused him. Sometimes he’d try to voice the swirling emotions in his stomach. Other times, he would sit with him in silence.
That’s what he did now, kneeling in front of his father’s grave and letting his breath go in a heavy exhale. It took him a while to notice the bunch of flowers placed off to the side, almost as if the visitor didn’t want the gesture to seem too deliberate. Diluc stared at the cluster of Calla Lilies and Lamp Grasses for a time, giving rise to those unnamable emotions once again.
The Lamp Grass’s glow broke through the haze in his mind, in the form of a memory. In the distant past, when Kaeya first came to live with the Ragnvindrs, Crepus had the habit of taking his sons outside to wander the Whispering Woods. At the time, he didn’t know how to break Kaeya out of his mental shell, and so decided that at least he could make sure the boy wasn’t physically trapped inside all day.
Kaeya had taken a liking to Calla Lilies immediately. At the time, Diluc didn’t understand when Kaeya tried to explain how the muted colors were easier on his eye. Later on, he discovered that Khaenri’ah was an underground nation. Its residents weren’t used to such bright things like the Lamp Grasses Diluc adored.
Even still, he remembered the way Kaeya braved through the pain of the piercing light, simply because his brother liked those flowers more and wanted him along to help pick them.
Now, the dull colors of the Calla Lilies and the blinding light of the Lamp Grasses blurred together in Diluc’s vision. He almost let the tears fall this time, desperate for some relief from the burden of his birthday. But instead, he popped open the bottle in his hand and swallowed the tears along with the wine.
It was good wine. As the master of Dawn Winery, he immediately recognized this. Despite that, the taste was bitter as it went down his throat and yet, it did nothing to eclipse the bitterness of disappointment deep in his chest. It did nothing to cloud the thoughts in his mind, giving rise to questions and what ifs.
The memory had been blurred over the years, tainted with raging flames and dark chains. But Diluc remembered the last few words his father had spoken to him. I am proud of you, my son. And your brother… Tell him I’m proud.
If his father was still alive, Diluc had no doubt that he’d take back his words. If by some miracle, he was allowed a glimpse into the future he missed, Crepus would undoubtedly look on with disappointment at his son’s actions towards his brother. He’d asked Diluc to tell Kaeya that their father was proud of them both. He hadn’t told him any of that.
Instead, he had raised his sword against him, severing the last familial bond he had. Crepus would likely be disappointed in both of them.
When he felt scalding tears streak down his face, Diluc made an irritated noise and took another gulp of the wine. As the bundle of flowers before him rapidly blurred in his vision, Diluc felt compelled to apologize, despite knowing no one would hear his plea for forgiveness. Still, the words burned in his chest until he allowed them to spill from his lips, a pitiful half whisper.
“I’m sorry, father…”
As expected, there was no response. He sat there for a few more seconds, staring blankly. And then, he stood slowly and began to walk away, his body moving on its own. It was all in the past now, and he had to-
A gentle wind brushed past his ears at that moment, accompanied by a voice. The words were spoken straight into his head, starkly familiar.
I’m not the one you should be apologizing to…
His eyes widened and he could almost ignore the surge of guilt prompted by the words. The voice was right though and he couldn’t deny the truth. But the voice was still ringing in his head, speaking a few more words before leaving Diluc, receding with the wind.
I will always be proud of you both.
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Diluc didn’t realize when he’d downed the entire bottle of wine Charles had handed him. He didn’t realize when his feet carried him out of Mond city entirely, wandering aimlessly just past the stone bridge.
The wine left a bitter taste in his mouth and he found this ironic. He avoided alcohol whenever he could but ended up subjecting himself to it on his birthday of all days. Still, the wine wasn’t strong enough to cause more than a slight buzz in his veins and a gentle haze in his mind. At the very least, it calmed his thoughts enough to take the edge off of his earlier sorrow.
It was still there, but now it was a calmer sadness, a blanket of melancholy rather than the flames of regret. Absently, he continued wandering, his feet carrying him to the Whispering Woods. He didn’t go far, forced to a stop when he found a cluster of Calla Lilies near a small puddle of water.
With a sigh, he bent down and gathered the flowers against his better judgement. He gripped them tightly, just holding them close as he continued walking. He left the Woods and sat down in the grass where he could see the entirety of Mond as the sun set behind Barbatos’s Statue.
It was strange to be so separated from it all, sitting all alone on the outskirts of the city while his people went about their lives inside, getting ready for the evening. As reserved as he had become, he was rarely all alone like this, constantly surrounded by people whether it be his family in the past or his patrons in the present.
Four years of isolation had not pained him as much as the current moment, sitting far apart from his beloved city, his friends and family, watching it all from a distance. Perhaps, after everything, after he willingly left it all behind, his brother, his knights, his home…
Perhaps this was his karma, his burden to bear. The loneliness was well deserved. He was used to it and even if he wasn’t, it was the least he could do to atone.
Numbly, Diluc found himself coming to terms with his punishment. His thoughts quieted as he accepted his burden. And for a moment, he could almost claim to be content, watching everything go by while he sat on the sidelines.
Before the quiet could fully settle in, a familiar bird cry jolted him back to the present. Diluc lifted his head, watching blankly as his falcon, Vanessa, circled over him twice before finally descending next to him. She wasted no time shoving her head under his hand, squawking indignantly, as if to say how dare you sit here all alone on your birthday?
Diluc huffed in amusement, a spark of relief breaking through the numbness in his heart. He smoothed the soft feathers on her head with his thumb, murmuring quietly to her. She chirped back as he muttered things like, where have you been all day and what mischief have you been up to?
It was only then that he noticed the small box she held in her claws. She nudged his hand away and hopped off the box, tapping at the wood insistently. Diluc frowned in confusion, and then yelped in surprise when she flew at him suddenly, grabbing the Calla Lilies in his other hand before taking off abruptly.
He watched her fly off towards the city, his face still creased in a frown. The frown shifted into a small smile as he shook his head, turning back to the box Vanessa left behind. He held it carefully for a second before opening it.
Instantly, a burst of nostalgia bloomed in his heart and the smile on his face faltered. He recognized the seashells, tinted red and blue and purple. The scraps of paper, elegant script and hasty cursive alternating. From K to D and vice versa. Memories threatened to choke him but a laugh still managed to break through, shaky and tearful.
He shook out the contents of the box, holding the shells gently as he observed each one. He unfolded each letter, eyes skimming over familiar words and phrases. One such paper seemed less worn and he frowned curiously, unfolding the new letter.
It was a simple letter, one line written in a swirling script. An invitation.
Come to Angel’s Share.
~ K
For a moment, Diluc didn’t know how to react. Then, a scoff left his mouth, unbidden. It was hardly like the derisive scoffs he’d gotten used to where his brother was concerned, instead sounding like something between a laugh and a sob, full of disbelief.
A million emotions warred in his heart. Painful longing, irritated fondness, frustrated guilt, and bittersweet nostalgia. His chest hurt with the amount of tears he’d hidden there behind lock and key. There would be time for tears later but for now, he put everything back inside the box, closed it, and rushed towards the city.
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Diluc burst through the door of Angel’s Share and for a moment, he was thrown back into the past.
It felt like the time he’d returned to Mond city for the first time after four years. That time, he had rushed into the city as well, finally back within the walls of his beloved home after so long. He had never asked anyone outright, but the first thing he did when he came back was search everywhere for Kaeya. Even at that time, he had found Kaeya in Angel’s Share and watched sorrowfully as his once brother left hastily, shock and guilt on his face.
This time was different.
As expected, Kaeya was inside, but slumped over the counter, his head resting on his arms. Had he fallen asleep waiting for Diluc? Charles stood behind the counter, the only other person in the tavern. He confirmed Diluc’s suspicions with a smile and a finger to his lips. Without a word, he came out from behind the counter, leaving the tavern to give the brothers some privacy.
Just like that, Diluc was alone with his brother for the first time in months. He stood there uncertainly for a moment, before walking behind the counter to sit across from his brother. He set the box down and folded his arms on the countertop, resting his chin on his arms as he watched Kaeya sleep silently. It was only then that he noticed the Calla Lilies clutched loosely in one of his hands.
His throat threatened to close up again, but he smiled through his rapidly blurring vision as a realization finally occurred to him. He had no idea how he hadn’t noticed it sooner. His birthday, while it appeared lonely, was actually comprised of a series of gentle nudges leading to this moment with his brother, starting from the minute he woke up. Adelinde had tried to invite him for dinner, then Charles sent him to his father’s grave, leading to their brief moment when Kaeya wished him a happy birthday. The gentle winds carrying his father’s voice, reminding him of what Crepus truly wanted. With a fond eye roll, Diluc realized that had to be the work of a certain green clad bard that frequented his tavern.
And finally, Vanessa delivering the invitation from Kaeya himself, leading to this moment now.
In the midst of it all, that one moment when Kaeya smiled and waved, wishing him a happy birthday stood out most brightly in his memory. Finally in the silent presence of his brother, the loneliness of the day didn’t completely fade but it morphed into something else. It merged with a bittersweet nostalgia, a gentle ambivalence that didn't feel quite so tangled anymore.
But he didn’t have to completely untangle those feelings just yet. Whatever this feeling was, it could be sorted out later. For now, Diluc was at ease with his brother. With a sigh, he settled his head over his arms and gave in to sleep, feeling closer to his brother than he had in years.
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Diluc had no idea how long it had been when he finally woke up. For a moment, he was confused, wondering when he’d fallen asleep, and at the tavern counter, no less. The sky outside was dark and he was all alone. A cluster of Calla Lilies was placed to one side of him and a wooden box to the other. He sat up with a frown, noticing a familiar warmth settled around his shoulders. He reached back, his fingers sinking into the white fur cape and-
Suddenly, everything came rushing back to him. His lonely birthday, the gentle nudges, the simple invitation, and Kaeya. Diluc’s heart sank and he wondered if it was all just a dream. But the fur cape… Had Kaeya left before he could wake up? Did he not want to speak to him?
Before he could entertain those thoughts any longer, footsteps descended from the upper floor of the tavern, jolting him back into the present. Diluc blinked in disbelief, convinced his eyes were playing tricks on him.
But there he was, blue clad and missing the shock of white fur around his shoulders. His expression was hard to read. But behind the warring emotions in his single blue eye was a genuine smile, if a little strained.
For a moment, Diluc could see the young blue haired child who became his brother, finally smiling for the first time, wondering if he could keep this good fortune. And he had, despite everything.
Kaeya smiled brightly, coming to a stop in front of the counter.
“You’re awake,” he said, with a soft chuckle. “Let’s go then, whenever you’re ready.”
“Go…?” Diluc asked distantly, still somewhat lost between past and present. “Go where?”
“Dawn Winery!”
Kaeya seemed truly happy as he spoke the name of his once home. The smile faltered slightly when Diluc simply stared. He glanced away with a sheepish laugh, his gaze downcast.
“Well… if that’s alright with you, of course,” he said, his voice losing some of its joy. “It’s… way past dinner time but… Adelinde always did have midnight snacks ready around this time. What do you say?”
Kaeya glanced back at him nervously, and Diluc found that he couldn’t respond, still too struck by the turn of events and the appearance of his brother. His fingers dug into the white fur cape and he remained silent. Kaeya’s expression fell further, but the smile never completely faded. Finally, he spoke again, his voice soft and fragile.
“For old times’ sake?”
Diluc returned the smile, shaky and on the verge of breaking. His throat closed up and in the end all he could do was nod. Kaeya’s own smile trembled and his eye shone brightly as he huffed out a broken laugh.
No more words were exchanged between the two as they walked out of the tavern together. There was still a bit of distance between them but they walked side by side nonetheless. With his brother walking next to him and his fur cape still held close, Diluc didn’t feel so alone anymore.
For now, this was enough.