Work Text:
Katsuragi Apartment, Shinji's room
Shinji was snoring away softly as the shadows of the night encompassed Tokyo-3. Leader and Shiki were relaxing away on his chest, Leader sleeping while Shiki just rested her eye. It was a normal night, just as unremarkable as the last. Or, well, it was supposed to be until someone slammed his room door open as the clock struck midnight.
"Wake up!" All three jolted away as an amorphous blob made up of innumerable sentences containing far too many references wearing some strange gas mask-like helmet burst into the room like a lunatic hopped up on far too many caffeinated Lemon Ginger Gatorade Energy Gel packets. "We have things to do and celebrations to attend."
"Wha?" Shinji was understandably flummoxed due to being awakened suddenly by the strange entity. Leader and Shiki however were much more prepared.
"Baka!" Leader immediately threw her lance into the intruder, but to everyone's surprise, it suddenly transformed into a pack of dollar store ground beef, where it flopped to the ground harmlessly. "…..B-baka?"
"Anta Baka!" Shiki, seeing it was all up to her began-
"No!" The being screamed. "You can't do that until you _ the _ _ with it's _ _ and _ and you, you know what? It's faster to do this." The being transformed into a giant hand with it's mask on the thumb and snapping it's fingers, causing Leader and Shiki to disappear. This instantly woke Shinji up.
"Leader! Shiki! You bastard! I'll kill you!" Shinji sprang to his feet and charged the being.
"Good, I like your energy! But save it for a canon chapter." The being snapped it's fingers again and Shinji vanished into nothingness, leaving only-
""Shinji!"" Misato and Asuka burst in, brandishing a handgun and crowbar respectively, ready to smite the fool who was threatening Shinji.
"Ugh, right. I forgot about you two." The being grew hands out of it's thumb to pinch the bridge of it's mask-nose.
"Where is Shinji you-" Misato blinked as she took in the form of the entity. "-whatever you are!?" This time the being snapped the fingers of it's tiny hands, causing Misato to disappear. Asuka stared at the empty space that Misato once existed in, then back at the entity. This repeated a few more times before Asuka decided to charge the entity with a sonorous warcry, before joining everyone else in being disappeared.
"Probably should've planned this out a bit more before doing this." Yes, you should've. "Shut up narrator!"
Tokyo-2 Convention Center
"Oof!" Shinji grunted as he hit the floor, with Leader and Shiki following soon after. "What just happened?" He looked around and saw he wasn't alone. Friends, acquaintances, strangers, and his dad were all standing around, confusion in their eyes.
"Shinji! Are you alright?" Asuka rushed up to him, dragging around her crowbar like a sword.
"Baka?" "Baka Shinji?" Leader and Shiki joined her soon after.
"Yeah, I'm fine. But where are-"
"Surprise Assholes!" The being re-emerged on a stage at the head. "It was me the whole time!"
"You!" Misato pointed her gun at the being. "Start talking or I'll fill you full of holes." A few other people with guns agreed with her and took aim at the unknown entity.
"Well you see-" It paused, seemingly realizing something it had forgotten. "Oh! Before I forget, happy birthday Shinji!" A cake appeared in Shinji's lap as the strange being began clapping. "Congratulations."
"Oh, Happy Birthday Idiot Shinji! Congratulations!" Said Asuka.
"Happy Birthday Shinji! Congratulations!" Said Misato.
"Baka Shinji! Anta Baka!" Said Leader and Shiki.
"You are worthy of my grace Shinji. Congratulations." Said some albino boy Shinji had never met before.
"What am I even doing here?" Said Enigma.
"Stop!" Shinji shouted, his eye twitching. "I appreciate it but people clapping while they say 'congratulations' really irritates me for some reason."
"Seriously though, why am I here?"
"Shut up Enigma! You're an OC, nobody cares about you!" The being reprimanded.
"Well, actually-"
"Nobody cares!" Enigma frowned and sulked off.
"Why did you kidnap us though?" Kotone inquired.
"Right. The reason I brought you here is… IT'S THE ONE-YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF RISE OF THE MINISUKAS! Wooooo!" The sudden announcement brought gasps, cheers, and clapping from everyone.
"Wait, who are you then?" Ritsuko asked as she calmed her cat she was abducted with.
"I'm the author! Duh." The glorious author of Rise of the Minisukas answered awesomely. "Really narrator? Could you tone it down a touch?" Sorry…..
"Was it really necessary to break into our homes and kidnap us in the middle of the night?" Rei inquired as she held back Garbagius, who was trying to stab everybody.
"…Yes, absolutely." The author lied, lyingly. "Okay, too far in the other direction, narrator." Sorry…
"Anta Baka?" Shiki inquired.
"Yes, the entire convention center is free for you to use. I've included game rooms, buffets, movie theaters, and a small but vicious dog." Wait, what was that last one?
"Wark?"
"Don't worry about it, just have a good time! Here's to another year of Minisukas! Maybe also a sequel to the Christmas fic but probably not." Wait hold up, you can't make an announcement like that in a spin-off-