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one beautiful day berdly and kris were sitting in kris’ living room playing the smash hit first person shooter game Team Fortress 2. kris was beating berdly’s ass because berdly fucking sucks at the smash hit first person shooter game Team Fortress 2.
berdly dies for the 7th time that day and he throws his controller out the window, which had already been smashed from a previous venture into the smash hit first person shooter game Team Fortress 2.
“dude what the fuck. let me win one round im going to fucking kill myself.” said berdly.
“no.” said kris.
then berdly had a crazy insane idea.
“hey man let’s listen to weezer or something. uhh wee oo and shit.”
“ok.” said kris.
they go up the stairs (mari take notes) and go into kris’ room. kris pulls out the soul and shoves a cord into it.
“stop using me as a bluetooth speaker. im not a fucking bluetooth speaker im a soul. now put me back in your chest cavity. idiot.” said the soul.
“no.” said kris. they scroll through their phone for a moment.
“if you play the fucking sweater song again im going to end your life. i have that power. i am a god.” said the soul.
“no.” said kris.
the beginning notes to the sweater song begin to play.
“that’s it. im done. ending your life. bye.” said the soul.
“no.” said kris.
then RIVERS CUOMO appeared and ascended down from the heavens to land on kris’ musty ass carpet.
“hi guys it’s me rivers cuomo.” said rivers cuomo.
“holy shit it’s rivers cuomo.” said berdly. “say your iconic catchphrase, rivers cuomo!”
“it’s weezin’ time.” said rivers cuomo. the sheer power of those words blasted the soul into pieces smaller than lancers relationship with his father.
“wow! thanks rivers cuomo!” said berdly.
“my fucking bluetooth speaker.” said kris.