Work Text:
"Thank you ulit sa pagkupkop mo sa akin for today!" Stell cheerfully said to Justin. "Sa sobrang dalas ko rito sa bahay nyo, feeling ko minsan, dapat na ata magbayad na ako ng rent," Stell joked.
Justin chuckled at that. "Okey lang naman. Wala namang gumagamit nitong kwarto ko kasi dun naman ako kina Mama nakikitulog since nandun ang aircon," he explained. "Isa pa, mas gusto kong kasama mo kami ngayon kesa mag-isa ka sa condo mo,"
"Thanks," Stell said as he got his sleeping things and skin care stuff ready.
"Bati na kayo ni Pablo?" Justin asked.
The question knocked the energy that had been in Stell's body out of it. "Tingin ko," he began, "-- civil na lang ang kaya kong maging with him. Professional, ganun. Hindi naman parang pwede ako biglang umalis ng SB19. Hindi naman ako ganun ka-delulu para isiping kaya ko nang mag-isa,"
Justin tilted his head to one side, considering. "So kung kaya mo na, iiwan mo kami?"
Stell shrugged and exhaled through his nose. "Hindi naman parang hindi nyo kaya na wala ako eh. Hindi mo ba napansin na ti-ne-train ka ni Pablo para i-match ang range ko?"
Justin hummed contemplatively. "Pablo? Hindi Pau?" the youngest member of SB19 asked, completely ignoring the question.
Stell suddenly looked like he found the toothbrush he had just unpacked fascinating. "Reminder ko sa sarili kong hindi na sya si Pau ko. Na hindi na sya akin. Na kailangang professional na lang," tears started forming at the corners of his eyes before he blinked them away.
Justin's expression turned sympathetic as he cooed at his friend. "Magiging okey din ang lahat,"
"Okey naman. Wala na lang kami. Hindi kasi--" Stell choked back a sob.
Justin immediately flew to Stell's side, taking the older man into his arms. "Iiyak mo lang. Nandito ako,"
Stell continued to cry. "Minahal ko naman sya ah. Sinunod ko lahat ng gusto nya. Bakit hindi pa rin enough? Bakit hindi ako enough?"
Justin rubbed his friend's back soothingly, wishing he had Josh's way with words. His boyfriend has known Stell the longest and would have known what to do. All Justin could do was hope that his hugs could make the other man feel at least a little better.
-*-*-*-*-
Pablo was bored. Felicity had dragged him into this coffee shop they were now in and all she had wanted to do was brag to her friends about him. It had been flattering at first but it got old pretty fast, especially since he and her friends had little to nothing in common. None of them had anything even remotely interesting to say. All they did was grill him with questions about his work and fame that he'd felt like he was being interrogated. As time went by, his answers got shorter and terser until they stopped asking him questions altogether. Nowadays, he just felt like an accessory on Felicity's arm. Welp, at least he now knew what a handbag felt like. That should make for some interesting songs.
"Anung problema mo?" he heard Felicity asking, ire in her voice.
He smiled at her placatingly. "Wala, uhaw lang siguro."
Felicity handed him the unopened water bottle that had been sitting in front of him, patted his cheek, and went back to talking to her dull friends.
He then looked at his water bottle, its safety seal still intact. Stell would have smiled a sweet smile at him and opened the bottle before giving it to him. Probably would have found a glass and ice for him, too. Stell thought of everything. Stell took care of everything. Stell took care of you, Pablo's mind traitorously supplied. Pablo shook his head, twisted the stupid cap open, and took a deep draught of his water. This was going to be a long day.
-*-*-*-*-
Tita Gemma and Tito Efren gave each other communicative looks as they took in the sight of Stell as he sat across from them at their dining table, Jah on Stell's right, Yani on the left side, effectively flanking the heavenly-voiced dancer. Stell had lost a lot of weight and while he looked healthy, his eyes were swollen from crying and he looked despondent even though Tita Gemma had made Stell's favorite kare-kare.
It was the De Dios matriarch who broke the silence. "Stell, anak, kain na," she coaxed.
That snapped Stell out of his reverie. "Sorry po," he hurriedly put some of the peanutty dish on his plate and started digging in.
Yani handed Stell a platter. "Stell, wala kang rice," he reminded.
Stell blushed in embarrassment and put a little rice on his plate. "Thank you po, Kuya,"
Yani waved him off. "I'm only two years older than you. Yani na lang,"
Jah rolled his eyes. "Diko, pahilumin mo man lang muna puso ni Stell. Kita mo ngang kaka-break lang, o,"
Both De Dios parents and Yani cast Jah identical glares.
Stell didn't even seem to hear the remark. He was staring off into nothing, taking small, careful bites and chewing absently. Jah doubted Stell even knew it was kare-kare.
Jah rolled his eyes at his family. "Hindi tayo dinig nyang si Stell, unless may magbanggit kay Pablo,"
At the mention of Pablo's name, Stell immediately went on alert, looking at Jah with rapt attention.
Jah indicated at Stell with both hands like a TV presenter, gesturing but not saying, See?
Jah turned to Stell and rubbed his back comfortingly. "Wala, Stell. Work thing lang,"
Stell went back to somberly eating his food.
-*-*-*-*-
Pablo hadn't smoked in a very long time. Stell, ever the health buff, had insisted against it. Of course, Stell was always nice about it, always taking the cigarette gently from Pablo's lips and replacing the offending object with a kiss, and at the time, Pablo had only been too happy to comply.
Today required a smoke, though. Felicity's friends were boring. Even Felicity's kisses were boring and mechanical: Left head tilt, swipe of the tongue, a bite on his lower lip. Her kisses always started the same, and he doesn't even think she notices when he smokes.
-*-*-*-*-
A week later...
"Thank you sa paghatid, Kuya," Stell said to Yani as he dropped Stell off.
"Sinabi ko naman sa iyo--"
"Sorry, Kuya Yani. Automatic lumalabas eh!" Stell joked.
The rejection was so subtle, Yani almost didn't feel it. Almost.
The next moment found Yani shaking his head resignedly at himself but he smiled into his rearview mirror at Stell as he waved goodbye to Yani. Hay, Paulo, you lucky sonuvagun, Yani thought. I hope you know how good you have it.
-*-*-*-*-
Felicity was angry at Pablo. That wasn't new. What was new was that this time, Pablo was unbothered by it.
She was saying, "Nagbago ka na. You used to just do whatever I wanted," she accused.
That was his breaking point. "Ang problema, ikaw hindi! You still take me for granted! You still don't care about me! Well, I'm not having it anymore. We're over."
She shot him an icy look that chilled him to his core in spite of himself. Pablo thought he would have had chills except his brain immediately flashed him a thought of a certain someone who exuded warmth wherever he went. Someone who'd done nothing but love him but whose light Pablo had probably all but extinguished with his foolishness. I had it so good. What the hell was I thinking?
Pablo didn't even notice when she left, so lost was he in thought. The sky was starting to darken, and fast. He needed answers so he got on his bike and decided to go where he usually got them: church.
-*-*-*-*-
Stell stared at his phone, willing it to ring. He knew it would at some point because Pablo insisted on calling about work because he hated to text, and it wasn't like Stell could block their leader's number if Stell wanted to keep his job.
Even Stell knew he was being pathetic, gazing the way he was at his phone and hoping to hear Pablo's voice, even if it was just about work. Stell was going to see Pablo again the next day, but he badly missed the other man. Stell looked up to the sky outside his bedroom window, praying, "Please, let him at least be happy. Sana po, mahalin sya ng higit sa pagmamahal ko. Kahit yun na lang po. Pero please po, kung hindi po sya mamahalin nang tunay, pakibalik Nyo na lang po sya sa akin. Wala na po akong ibang hihilingin," he begged. As Stell turned away from his window, the skies began to weep.