Archive of Our Own ^beta

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“Az, sweetie, can you please come here and kiss me?” Cassian said mockingly, rolling his eyes. 

“Cassian, I’d hold your tongue.” Rhys mused, carefully checking his brother for signs of violence. 

“Please. He’s fine.” Cassian smirked, leaning back in his chair, wings relaxed. 

“I don’t think you will be for long,” Azriel whispered, springing from his spot on the couch. I swore and looked at Rhys. He made a motion to wait. I sat back down, tense. 

“Lyssa! Get him off me!” Cassian protested, grunting as he tried to throw Az off his chest.

“You said he was fine. Is this what you consider fine, Cass?” I said, raising an eyebrow as my shadows twined around me and reached out to my mate. Rhys was beginning to look concerned as he nodded at me. I stood and walked through Azriel’s shield. 

“Azriel, please.” I placed a hand atop his shoulder. My amethyst Siphon glowed as it twirled around the gem that hung around Azriel’s neck. An amethyst Siphon that held some of my shadows. As I had a blue one that held some of his.

“Yes, love?” His midnight voice was rough, his eyes wild.

“Let the idiot go. He’s harmless. I’m fine. There was no insult to my dignity or soul.” I soothed him, my shadows brushing his face. He released his brother and took me in his arms, our wings touching. He calmed and I smiled into his chest. 

“Thank you, Lyssa.” Cassian croaked. I let go of my mate and turned on him.

“Do it again and I’ll let you deal with it. Understand?” I growled.

“Yes, ma’am.” He nodded, understanding that need to protect his mate. I gripped Az’s arm and led him back to our couch. 

“I warned you, Cassian,” Rhys muttered, shaking his head. 

“Yes, I know.” He grinned.

“You knew how tense he was and tried to relieve it, but underestimated how bad it was,” I said, sighing. He chuckled as Az stretched out next to me, shadows interacting with wings. I looked deep into my mate’s hazel eyes with my own. He calmed further and tucked me into his side. I relaxed and sighed happily. 

“Well, well, well.” Feyre drawled, arms crossed as Nyx floated next to her head, a leash attached to his ankle. I giggled and stood to greet her.

“My High Lady.” I bowed, a smirk on my face. 

“My second shadowsinger.” She pushed me up and embraced me. “It’s been an age, Lyssa. How’ve you been?” She sat beside me, shoving Az off the couch. He grunted and sat at my feet, head resting on my knees. I ran my fingers through his long hair calmingly and chatted with my best friend. Suddenly, Az shot up, startling me. I jumped up, knives half drawn. Az just grabbed Nyx before he could fly out the window. I put my knives back and took the child. Cooing softly, I sat back down, Az settling in his spot again. Nyx was soon asleep, Feyre in awe.

“What?” I laughed quietly, a hand still in my mate’s hair as he napped. 

“Not only can you make my child fall asleep in less than five minutes, you seem to be able to make Az relax on a level I’ve never seen before. And he’s sleeping. I’ve never seen him do that either.” She whispered.

“That’s because I’m special.” I joked. “No, I have a skill set that makes me well-equipped to handle antsy or anxious Fae. But, for some reason, it works even better on Illyrians. Pisses them off when we’re arguing and I use it but I love it.” I grinned. 

“Love, as much as I love seeing you like this, we need to get going,” Az said, still slightly sleepy. I smiled and placed Nyx in Elain’s arms. 

“I know. Let me get changed and we’ll go.” I winnowed to our rooms and replaced my clothes with fighting leathers, two knives with all the knives and swords I could. Az changed beside me, helping with sheaths behind my wings that I couldn’t quite manage. I, in turn, helped him, securing his seven Siphons as he helped me secure my six. I finished my makeup as Mor sauntered in, a deep-cut dress in the darkest shade of red complimenting her body. I smiled and hugged her.

“My friend, how has the continent been treating you?” I asked, checking on Azriel. He gave me a thumbs up and we went back to the lobby. Everyone was stunning, scary and looking like personified nightmares. I knew my raven black hair, braided down my back, was flipping by my tailbone and Nyx was trying to hang onto it. 

“Ow, sweet one. Can you please let go?” I turned around and unlatched the child from my hair. Elain smiled softly and took him back.

“Sorry.” She whispered. I grinned kindly.

“It’s all right, Elain. No harm done.” I squeezed her hand gently and walked back to my mate. 

“Okay, let’s go.” Rhysand gestured to Cassian and Nesta to hold on to Mor. They took her hands and Az and I winnowed in first, checking for threats against our High Lord in the Hewn City.

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All is well . I sent the message to Feyre just as Az sent one to Rhys. They arrived moments later, still terrifying. I smirked in cruel delight. The procession began as Nesta and Mor walked to the dais. Next came Cassian, Azriel and me. The ground thundered as the halls shook with our power, made worse by Feyre and Rhysand following. I took my place next to Feyre’s side, Az standing behind the two thrones, Cassian at Rhys’s side. 

“Keir, approach.” Rhysand’s voice rumbled through the cavern as he spoke. 

“My lord, we were not expecting you so soon.” Keir bowed his head, clearly hating it. I fixed my face into a cold mask, my mate’s face a replication. 

“Well, who’s fault is that?” Feyre growled, a cruel grin on her plum-coloured lips. 

“Mine, my lord,” Keir growled, ignoring Feyre, but answering her question. Rhys snarled a bit, protectiveness overcoming his common sense. 

“Rhysand,” Cassian growled softly, barely above a hearing breath. My shadows reached behind the thrones and twinned with Azriel’s. I fought to hide my smile and shut my feelings down. 

“Report,” Feyre spoke with midnight smoothness. Keir bristled, ignoring Feyre yet again.

“Lyssa, would you mind?” Feyre jerked her head in Keir’s direction. I drew Truth Teller from my thigh sheath, a mating gift from Azriel. Keir began trembling ever so slightly. I smirked cruelly. I heard Az chuckle, Cassian snorting and Mor grinned like a fiend. 

“Come with me, Keir,” I whispered sweetly, honeyed voice but lethal all the same. And he knew it. My status was rivalled only by the three Illyrian males in my court. 

“I’d rather not.” He growled, grabbing my wrist. I could feel Azriel’s power gather from where I stood. 

“ I’d rather you let me go before you turn both my mate and me into wraths of fury so strong, your city will not be left standing.” I snarled over the power rumbling around us. Everyone in my court was on edge. 

“Yes, well, you forget yourself, Lyssa .” Keir only gripped my wrist tighter.

“Okay, I’m done with this.” I ripped my arm free and slammed Keir down to the ground, placing a knee between his shoulder blades. Azriel approached, wings reaching out to touch mine, only to have an arrow slice clean through it. He roared as I screamed.

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Our court shot to their feet, raging. I snapped Keir’s neck without a second thought, moving quickly to my mate, swaying on his feet. I heard a female scream echo the cracking of Keir’s neck. I didn’t care. I took Azriel’s hand in mine. 

“I seem to have been shot.” He cocked his head to look at his wing. I drew a blade and cut the arrow out, moving aside for Mor to heal it. I turned on my heel, pinpointing the shooter. Her face paled, racing off. I took to the air, ripping through the space, winnowing and flying without realizing what I was doing, the need to protect my mate sending me into a rage unlike this court had ever known. When I reached her, I pinned her to the ground, face up. 

“Why?” My growl was barely comprehensible. 

“He should be with me. If he can’t be, he shouldn’t live.” She snarled, fighting my grip. I only held on tighter, putting more pressure on her chest until she wheezed. 

“He is mated. You have no right to him.” I snarled right back in her face, hazel eyes furious. 

“Now, that’s where you’re wrong. He was supposed to be mated to me . Not some worthless piece of Illyrian trash that washed up.” She spat in my face. I held eye contact with her whilst wiping it off. 

“This ‘worthless piece of Illyrian trash’ is one of the highest Illyrian warriors, mated to one of the few shadowsingers while being one herself. Watch how you talk to me, little girl.” I snarled with so much rage, my Siphons glowed and the cavern shuddered. The girl paled further. 

“Lyssa!” Az called, his pained voice echoing. The sound of pain in his voice only fueled my rage.

“She thinks I don’t deserve you, that you should be mated to her instead of me because I’m a ‘worthless piece of Illyrian trash that washed up’,” I growled. Az’s Siphons began to glow as his anger sparked, a cold kind of gasoline, explosive if ignited. Suddenly, the girl needed protection instead of Az. I used my shadows to keep the girl in one place and clasped his scarred hands in my own scarred ones. I ran my thumb over the back of his hand to calm him.

“Easy, shadowsinger,” I murmured, leaning into his frame. He sighed and kissed my forehead. 

“Yes, love.” He inhaled and stiffened. “Why did you hide this from me?” I froze, realizing my shadows weren’t concealing my scent anymore. 

“Azriel,” I said, cautious. 

Is all well? Feyre whispered into my mind.

No. Azriel found out something I wasn’t ready to tell him. You need to send Rhysand, now . Please. I pleaded, desperate. 

“Azriel?” Rhysand’s voice cut through the dangerous silence.

“Yes, my lord?” He spoke softly. Fear coursed through me. 

“What’s going on?” Rhys even seemed cautious. My shadows whispered to me of danger at the same time Az stood right up. 

“Someone’s nearby.” We said in unison. I gave him a small smile, which he lifted a corner of his lips to in response. In my book, he was practically beaming. I could still feel the waves of aggression pouring off him, protectiveness coming with them. But he was content with me nonetheless. 

“Who and what?” Rhys demanded, on edge. I waited as my shadows gleaned more information.

“Whoever it is, she’s powerful, Spring court,” Az said. 

“Oh, Mother save us. She’s Tamlin’s heir!” I whirled to face the redhead with green eyes as her steps rumbled.

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“What?” Rhys snapped, and I felt shields go up, mental and physical. 

“Tamlin’s heir is here. From what I gather, she’s also Amarantha’s daughter.” I whispered, horrified despite my centuries of training and skill-gathering. I knew of the red queen’s reign. It was still a horror story in the mountains, told to children to keep them in line. 

“Put the city on lockdown. No one in or out. Get Feyre and Nesta to the palace above, and do it now.” Rhys was just below bellowing. Az bristled at me being talked to that way but I just speared away, the girl pinned by my shadows in tow. I found my friends and hauled them up to the palace before speaking a word. 

“Lyssa! What is going on?” Feyre asked, exasperated. I planted the girl on the floor binding her with rope and shutting her little magic down. 

“Tamlin has an heir. And she’s here.” I rushed through the door to sit my friends down.

“Okay, and? We all knew he slept around before Feyre came.” Nesta shrugged.

“She’s… Amarantha’s daughter too.” I reached for my tie with my mate, desperately trying to ensure he was alive, he was ok. 

“Oh my.” Feyre snapped her fingers and she was in fighting leathers with swords and knives at the ready. 

“Hey, not staying here unprotected,” Nesta growled. Feyre rolled her eyes and snapped again, changing Nesta’s clothes too. She grinned. I frantically fought to breathe properly, panicky. 

“Lyss, calm down. Azriel’s fine. He’s fought on battlefields before. Even after you were mated.” Feyre said.

“Yes, I know. But I fought with him. I’m not doing that now, even if I could, he wouldn’t let me.” I started pacing. Nesta frowned.

“Why not?” She stood and gripped my shoulders, stopping my pacing. 

“Because-” I was cut off by an explosion. I stiffened and shot off, not caring about anyone but my mate. 

“Azriel!” I screamed, winnowing directly to him. He was buried beneath rubble, what was left of some pillars. I threw rocks out of the way, digging my way to Azriel. I found Rhysand and Cassian along the way. I pulled all three of them out and checked for heartbeats. I knew Rhys was alive because Feyre was, but Cassian and Nesta didn’t have that bargain, neither did Az and I. All were alive and breathing. I sobbed and hugged Azriel to my chest. Then I grabbed all three and winnowed up to the palace. Feyre and Nesta raced over.

“I… I found them,” I heaved a breath before continuing. “Buried beneath some rubble. They’re all alive but I think there are some broken bones.” I collapsed onto the floor, the world going darker than my shadows.

“Lyssa! Keylana Alyss!” A female voice shouted. I bolted upright at my hidden name. I slid a knife out of a sheath and held it to the speaker’s throat.

“How’d you get that name?” I snarled. Feyre jolted back and held her hands up. 

“You told me about it last year.” She said.

“What you should have told us is that you're pregnant.” Azriel’s deep voice calmed me before I registered his words.

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“What?” Feyre squealed. Nesta grinned. I blushed.

“Not quite the way I was planning on revealing it. But yes, I’m pregnant. Only a few weeks.” I drew my mate aside to talk.

“Love-” Azriel seemed to struggle to grasp the words he’d need. “I’m not mad. Just hurt.”

“I know. I never meant to hurt you. I promise. I just- You know how bad my childhood was. I’m not sure I’d make a good mom.” I hung my head in shame. A scarred hand gripped my chin and hands. 

“No. I’m the one that would be a terrible parent. After all that happened, I would be awful.” And there it was. His deepest secret. His biggest shame. 

“ Never ,” I snarled, raging against his thoughts. 

“Yes.” He turned his back to me.

“ Azriel . Look at me. Now.” I growled deeply. He shook his head. I pinned him with my shadows and forced him to turn. “You are going to be an amazing father. Because of what happened. I know you. I know your very soul, my love. There is no possible way you’re going to let this child think, for even a second , that they are not loved.” I wiped away the tears that fell from his eyes as he dashed my own away. “But you need to promise me something.”

“Anything, my love.” Hazel eyes met my own, narrowing as they saw my agony. “Lyss, what’s wrong?” His hand rose up and cupped my cheek.

“I need you to promise me that you’ll take her away from me if it looks like I might harm her.” Those hazel eyes seemed to convey heartbreak as his hand brought my head to his chest. 

“Baby…” His voice was so soft. I barely held in the tears.

“No one was there for my mother that way, and it killed my brother, and then it killed her. If Dad had ever been there, things would’ve been different.” I took a shuddering breath. “Maybe Mom would still be alive. Fuck, Kaylon might still be alive.” The tears started after that. Az held me the whole time, wrapping his arms around me and whispering kindly in my ear. 

“I promise.” He squeezed me tightly and kissed the top of my head.

“Thank you,” I whispered, the tears slowing. The door we entered through opened and we whirled around, knives drawn, shadows at the ready. Feyre held her hands up, showing she was not a threat.

“Guys, I really hate to do this, but Rhys needs all of us to come with him up to Windhaven.” She spoke softly. I stiffened.

“Does he need Lyssa, or can she stay at the House?” Az asked quietly, his shadows brushing against my wings and down my back. 

“I’m sorry. He needs her.”

“Very well,” I said, my voice cold. Azriel’s head snapped over to me, hearing the shift. His eyes grew sad when he saw my face, undoubtedly seeing the nothingness on it. 

“We’ll be there in a second.” Az shooed Feyre out of the room, locking the door behind her. “Lyss, my love.” His hand cupped my chin, drawing it level so he could look into my eyes. “We’re gonna talk more about this,” a hand on my stomach, “later. But until then, I am not going to leave your side. I promise.” Steel crept up my spine, solidifying me, making me unbreakable as I allowed myself to feel emotions again. I took a deep breath, then another one. Azriel breathed with me the whole time, keeping pace and brushing his shadows along me, curling against my lower abdomen. 

“Ok, I'm ready.” I leaned into my mate as he winnowed us to Windhaven.

“Keylana Alyss.” A cruel voice spoke my name, and I fought off the dark memories that rushed me at the sound of that voice. Devlon.

“Hello, Father.”

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Hey guys! Thank you for being so patient with me. I think I'm gonna have to take a break from this fic for a little while. I am coming to terms with a previous miscarriage and as you could imagine, writing a pregnancy is pretty hard. I'll see if I can post a 6th chapter to hold you guys over, but it's probably gonna be a bit before I can keep going with this fic. Thank you so much for understanding, as well as being invested in a story of mine.

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My voice rang clear through the camp. Azriel was a force of nature at my back. Devlon’s stare raked up and down me, noting the blades on me. Then he inhaled. His eyes flared wide, taking a step away from Azriel. He snarled at me.

“Whore.” He hissed. 

“You can call me whatever you want. It does not change the fact that I carry my mate’s child.” Azriel stepped up to my shoulder, taking my hand. “And I’m sure you know how protective males can be of their pregnant mates.” My voice became soft, honeyed. “Do not fuck with me. Azriel might want to end you, but I will take that honour for myself. Without magic.” I watched the threat hit home as Devlon snarled, flexing his wings. I turned on a heel, pausing after looking at my mate. 

“You watched while Mom went downhill. You stood on the sidelines while we starved because Mom couldn’t get out of bed and we were too young to hunt. Kaylon was 7. I was 12. Fucking 12, and left to try and gather enough food for 3 Illyrians. Mom barely ate, and I starved myself so Kaylon had enough to fill his belly.” My voice became rock-hard.

“And yet, he still died. You were such a failure that even with him always eating, he still died.” Devlon chuckled. 

“He died because your goons decided to try and take our food. I was out gathering, Kaylon was home with Mom. But Mom hadn’t gotten out of bed in a week, so she couldn’t be counted on. Kaylon knew that and knew we had just enough food for the 2 of us. He knew that we wouldn’t survive if they took our food. So he grabbed Mom’s sword, the one you gave her as a mating gift, and he fought them off. But there were 3 of them against a 7-year-old boy with a sword as big as he was. He killed two of them before the 3rd one killed him. That’s when Mom woke up, and she saw her beloved son dead on the floor. She killed the last goon, and then she threw herself off the cliffs just over there.” I flung an arm out to my left. “I came back to find my baby brother slaughtered in our home. I had to clean everything up, I dug their graves. I cut off your goons’ heads and mounted them on pikes in front of my house. Their bodies were tossed into a ravine on the opposite side of Windhaven.” Distantly, I heard Feyre’s breath catch as she listened to the horror story that was my childhood. Devlon’s eyes were ice cold.

“And yet, you came to me.” He smirked. "I always did wonder where their bodies had been tossed. We never could find them."

“I came to you for help. And you turned me into a weapon. Claimed that I was unfit for a male so I was allowed to fight. You saw my gift and wanted an unstoppable force that no one would mess with. And for that, I will never forgive you."