Work Text:
After practice match
"You disappointed me, Nagi." The bluenette said with piercing eyes towards the albino, embracing the feelings of disdain.
The white-haired player's eyes widened the moment he heard those words. Words that felt like he's drowning. Too unreal. This is the first time he experienced such a degrading and condescending remark from one of the people he admires, if not the most.
He felt confused with a hint of fright, but that remained hidden.
"Huh? What do you mean, Isagi?" Nagi said passively, hopefully expressing those words with suppressed feelings of confusion.
He must not show his feelings towards him.
The bluenette progressively started to walk towards Nagi, maintaining his piercing look towards the white eyes of the confused white-haired player, up until they were a few inches apart.
"Where is the 'genius' that I wanted? You can't figure out even this?" Isagi said condescendingly and held his collar. The grip was tight, signaling to Nagi that the guy is really pissed with his recent actions.
This made Nagi internally freeze, but he must not falter. He badly wants to know what made Isagi react like this, lashing this toward him with no signal whatsoever.
"Can you be more straightforward?" He scoffed at the sudden gesture of Isagi then added, "I'm really confused, Isagi." Nagi started to get frustrated too, but he still let Isagi hold his collar while feeling all the tension that was building up between the two of them.
What did he do that made Isagi react like this? Why is he like this? Why is he suddenly doing this to Nagi?
Isagi let go of his grip on Nagi's collar but his stare is stabilized towards the confused eyes. Their distance is still the same, thus the tension is still suffocating.
"I'm dismayed by your actions during the match." Isagi put his index finger on Nagi's forehead and displayed emotions of disappointment on his face. He expected more from the genius.
'Dismayed? What the fuck is he saying?'
Nagi thought to himself while still processing everything's that happening. Isagi's sudden actions felt like electricity ran through his nerves. With one index finger, Nagi's soul got awakened.
"Be more concise, striker."
"You were boring." Albino's favors, favors for granted. Isagi said those words straightforwardly and nonchalantly, for the genius asked him.
"And what made you say that?" Nagi tilted his head, needing some more context and explanation.
"Why don't you rethink all the actions you did during the match?" Isagi compromised to challenge Nagi's mental comprehension, whether to find out if he's able to draw out what he's trying to say or not.
"Isagi, I scored." Nagi knew that Isagi was provoking him, but he still bit the trap for the sake of knowing the reason behind his actions.
"With Reo." Isagi said frankly, with slight bitterness but with extreme disappointment.
"It's still a score in the end though?" Nagi was confused. The albino wanted to beat him through any means possible. All he wanted was to beat him. It was his driving force, a force that ignited his core and set it ablaze.
Why was he so bitter?
"Perhaps, you're jealous?" Nagi added and said with genuine curiosity. He doesn't feel comfortable with this tension and atmosphere between the two of them.
They were alone, close to each other. but it felt suffocating.
Nagi's remark made Isagi chuckle, then it turned into a hysterical-like laugh. He couldn't believe the words that are coming outside Nagi's mouth.
"Are you really that dense, Nagi?" He stated and stopped laughing. He once again grabbed Nagi's collar and made him reciprocate the same height as him, so he pulled him down so they can have the same eye level. As their eyes met, no one dared to break the eye contact.
"You're redundant as hell." The striker was an egoist. He wanted the real deal. All that matters to him is a challenge. Regardless of the established closeness between him, once his playmate, a rival even, got boring, he can't see the purpose.
"Can't live with Reo, huh? It really became predictable and boring, Nagi." Isagi said face to face with Nagi while still maintaining the same strength of grip on his collar.
Nagi held Isagi's hand from his collar and removed it. He stabilized the tight grip on Isagi's hands and held eye contact with the bluenette.
"At least I scored, Isagi." Nagi said passively. All the confusion and other emotions were expelled from Nagi's internal process. He let go of Isagi's hand and pushed it away.
"In a boring way, I suppose."
"Oh yeah? Why does that matter?"
That's it. Isagi has lost it. He formed a fist with his right hand and gritted his teeth.
"Are you still not getting it??" Isagi's voice gradually got louder, not caring if other members might potentially hear his loud voice out of nowhere. This caught Nagi off guard as he felt a hint of frustration in Isagi's voice.
Nagi has chosen to be quiet. He didn't expect that Isagi would care so much about his playstyle. He didn't know that he would care so much. Why would he, anyway? He thought that staying quiet in this moment is the right choice after all.
"You're a genius in my eyes, Nagi. I expected more, so why..." Isagi didn't know whether to laugh or cry in this situation. He inwardly felt pathetic and wondered why is he making this a big deal in the first place. However, he decided to let out his thoughts as he feels like he was going to regret it if he doesn't tell him earlier.
He added, "Why did you go back to your old ways? Why in the world...."
Nagi sorted the puzzles and connected them. He finally gets what Isagi was implying after all this time. He took a deep breath and stayed quiet to hear out the bluenette.
It is the moment he realized. He finally knew.
"Nagi, you were never monotonous to me." Isagi finally let go of the eye contact that was so full of tension and looked at the ground. He let go of his form first and relaxed himself, letting everything just be.
To Isagi, Nagi is a person who he admires due to how he excels outstandingly in the field of soccer. Nagi showed Isagi the taste of colors that were like exploding flavors in his mouth. The genius gave colors to the initial dull perspective of Isagi and enabled him to gain new components like a puzzle to serve as a piece of knowledge to further improve himself.
Nagi observed the actions of the bluenette. He wanted to hear out the words of Isagi Yoichi.
He's the one who sparked his interest in soccer after all. Thus, he chose to be quiet once again.
"You might think that the goal you made with Reo was revolutionary, but you used the same old tactics. You needed him so badly to the point that it became predictable. You didn't innovate new ways and unleash your hidden creativity to beat me." Isagi said carefully with suppressed emotions. He wanted to calm down now after those intense emotions he showed. Saying those words felt like speaking with thorns in your throat to Isagi. "I didn't want that. I felt like—It felt—I don't know. It felt like all of the times where we faced each other went down in the drain."
Isagi walked towards the bench and Nagi followed. Silence plagued them both. Momentarily, no one spoke. But, they still felt connected to each other.
They're friends, after all.
They sat beside each other with no words coming out from both of their mouths. The silence was suffocating at first, but it felt comfortable after a few moments. The court was all serene and peaceful with no players within it.
Nagi felt like it was a moment of letting Isagi express what he wanted. Who knows, he might learn something new.
Isagi broke the silence and stated,
"Nagi, I—" Isagi felt challenged to articulate the right words to express his feelings. "There is a reason why I admire you a lot, heck you're even the one I call "genius" the most."
Nagi scoffed at the statement and just hmm-ed in return with a nod. He's listening word for word and hearing out the boy.
"Nagi, I want you to listen to what I'm saying." Isagi held both of Nagi's shoulders and made his body face toward Isagi.
"On it."
"Yes, you made a goal against me. But, you didn't use new tactics this time. Did you think you improved at all?" Isagi said with a question as a topic opener to initiate the conversation. Nagi felt that Isagi wanted to make him improve and evolve.
Nagi did not answer and remained staring. He can't find the words to say anyway. He just felt like, maybe he just needs to listen.
"This is a practice match, so we should at least innovate new tactics for goals, no? There's no value in success if you can't reproduce it." Isagi tried so hard to find the right words to express what he was feeling after the match. He didn't want to offend Nagi, but at the same time, he also didn't want to sugarcoat. Besides, Nagi didn't like beating around the bush.
Nagi is a logical person, so he can't really
empathize easily. It did take a long time for him to finally get the signal of Isagi being frustrated in terms of his playstyle and lack of growth.
"Can't... beat..."
"Huh?"
"I can't do the same old shit to beat you because, in the end, it all seems illusionary. Is that right?" Nagi tried to summarize all of what Isagi said and the bluenette finally had a sigh of relief. He finally let go of Nagi's shoulders and leaned on the bench to finally relax after all the tense feelings.
Nagi looked at the latter. He seemed like he was relieved that Nagi figured out what was he trying to say. Out of frustration and disappointment, Isagi didn't convey his intention well.
"You kinda lost me there..." Nagi looked at Isagi while stating those words and leaned back on the bench too. Isagi laughed at the brief remark and averted his gaze above him. They both looked at the ceiling and made the atmosphere comfortable as possible.
"But, Nagi, you know what this means right?"
"Depends on what you're trying to imply."
"Im going forward and I will not wait for you regardless of anything," Isagi stated with a hint of hopefulness. He wanted to make Nagi inspired again, opening his mind to the light of countless possibilities that he can do with his capabilities. However, he can tell that this will not be easy, and Nagi might as well learn this the hard way.
Isagi knows that there's a lot of potential for the genius. Redundancy and monotonous endeavors are not efforts from Isagi's perspective. Repeated tactics, responses, and chemical reactions screamed idleness and dullness which can be predicted so well by the egoist.
Despite all his built-up frustrations of Isagi towards the genius, he didn't want to monopolize Nagi. He didn't want to cage and dominate anyone who he can play with in the future, and find their potential with their internalized capabilities on their abilities. He knew that Nagi could do it, but he lashed out at this moment because of extreme disdain.
"Nagi, I—" The bluenette sighed and recollected all of his thoughts. "You better get your shit together or you'll lose me."
Nagi needed to process what he said. He didn't get what he was saying and raised an eyebrow while looking at him in response. He really couldn't understand all the complex emotions the striker has been showing. It felt like there was an indescribable barrier between the two of them that Nagi couldn't reach.
Nagi realized that he should listen, process, and listen. He wants to understand.
"So you're saying I need to catch up because you'll replace me?" Nagi said unsurely, but he was sure that it aligned with the series of thoughts Isagi's been implying.
"Ah, something like that?" Isagi was unsure too. Isagi's aware that they're both fucked because they're both bad at communicating in terms of feelings and emotions. "Who knows, you can be eliminated too."
His body stills for half a second. It might not be obvious, but Nagi felt threatened the moment he heard that he might be eliminated at this rate. For the first time, he felt scared.
Because it felt like he had something to lose now.
"Hey, Isagi, don't underestimate me that much, will you?" Nagi whined as per usual, trying to internalize the momentary fear he felt. "I was just so into the moment, no thoughts ever lingered but only beating you."
Nagi isn't confident if he's fully understanding the situation, but all he knows is that Isagi wants him to innovate new ways to beat him, not being stagnated to the same old shit he's used to.
An egoist hates redundancy the most.
Isagi chuckled at the albino's remark and finally felt relief after uncomfortable constipation within his insides, internally biting his nails out of anxiety due to the thought that Nagi might misunderstand him.
"My point still stands though. I will really replace you if you remain being a piece of shit." Isagi added after his swift chuckle. His eyes were so full of determination and looked toward Nagi while still relaxing his body.
Nagi stared at him in response and didn't realize that he was staring for so long. He thought to himself, Huh? Isagi would replace me? With who? This is a pain in the ass to think about and requires mental willpower to figure out but he was curious.
"...Am I that replaceable?"
"If you don't try hard enough, then you are."
"Isagi, you're so cruel," Nagi whined and leaned his head towards Isagi's shoulder to bury his face right into it. Isagi was startled by the sudden gesture of the latter and had an awkward laugh as a result.
"I finally understand... Isagi." Nagi said softly while still burying his face in the bluenette.
After numerous considerations, clear skies prevailed in Nagi's head after the dark cloudy sudden remarks of Isagi towards him. Everything was crystal clear, even if it was just for a moment.
"Reo..." Nagi muttered, making Isagi look at the albino who was currently buried at his shoulders. "...Maybe there are times when he felt monopolized upon my dependency."
Isagi widened his eyes upon hearing those words, and it felt like something vibrated in his mind. He didn't expect him to self-reflect already with his brief words. Besides, Isagi comprehended that he was too dramatic when he communicated his feelings to Nagi.
“You know, Isagi, I—” Nagi sighed and stopped himself from burying his face into Isagi’s shoulders and fixed himself into sitting in a straight position as a sign of mental resolve. “Reo is a nice person. Maybe, just maybe, I shackled him too greatly.”
When it comes to Reo, Nagi learned that his lens and viewpoint when it comes to his everyday life were too limited and too restricted, all because of his extreme co-dependency with him. He won over Isagi, yes, but he needed Reo to achieve that.
Is it really the taste of success when you still yearn for more?
Isagi decided not to speak as Nagi expressed his inward thoughts and beliefs. He wanted to listen to a piece of Nagi that hasn’t been fleshed out— a rare occurrence of Nagi expressing himself without being too brief and vague. The thing is, despite being friends with Nagi for a while now, he hasn’t expressed his thoughts, reasons behind his choices, and the purpose of his actions.
In a normal conversation, it is always Isagi who ends up oversharing, since Nagi never failed to make excuses with the words, “Let’s talk about you.” or conversations that always end up with “What are your thoughts,” and other remarks that always diverted the spotlight away from him.
“I need to get my shit together and learn how to earn a goal myself.” Nagi looked at the blue crystal-colored eyes of the one who he was talking to. Isagi’s eyes felt so deep that he can dive into them and drown himself.
He recollected his thoughts and added,
“I will crush you, Yoichi.” He leaned closer to the brunette up until they were only a few inches away from each other to the point that both of them can feel each other’s breaths.
“I will show you that I can definitely dominate the court with my prodigy, including every plan you’re making in your head, and destroy your puzzles of manipulation.” Nagi declared with a sense of pride and determination, ready to please the egoist once again while simultaneously attaining his pursuit of tasting a satisfying goal and winning. It’s a win-win situation.
Isagi smirked at the remark while gazing back at Nagi who was close to him. “Is that a threat?”
“Who knows?”
"I won't be threatened unless you show me concrete evidence of your creativity in the court," Isagi stated.
"You're rooting for me that much?"
They both finally laughed after the countless arguments that unfolded tension between them. It felt light. It felt like a weight dispersed upon them that’s been clinging to them for a while.
For some reason, since they were too close to each other without even realizing, it (because they’re never realizing their homoerotic instances and tendencies) Nagi softly gazed at Isagi’s eyes, then diverted it to his nose, up until his lips. Isagi felt like an ice bucket invaded his body as shivers ran down his spine.
Nagi intended to lean closer as a shout lingered throughout the room. And just like that, the moment got ruined. Great!
Isagi looked at the door that looked like someone was behind it. Then the next thing he knew, Ego Jinpaichi was standing right there. Out of impulse, both Isagi and Nagi dispersed from their current position and stood up to face Ego. An eccentric smile emerged from the man’s lips which kinda creeped out both of them.
“Oh don’t worry. I definitely didn’t think that there was something between you two.” Ego spoke out with a smirk and a hint of sarcasm. This made Isagi internally roll his eyes and thought, ‘Does he think that I’m stupid enough to not notice his unfunny tendencies of mockery?’
“Why are you here?” Nagi proceeded to stop beating around the bush and say his exact purpose for showing up already.
Besides, he wasn’t done talking with Isagi.
“Oho, pretty impatient, are we?” Ego Jinpaichi chuckled. After that, his look drastically changed and he averted his gaze towards Isagi who’s currently a curious cat.
“Isagi, Sae Itoshi is waiting outside.”
Brief words muttered by that man gave Nagi distraught to his whole being.
He had a feeling, or a gut rather...
He felt like this is the moment where he might get replaced. No, not replaced. But rather...
...He'll lose him.
“That bastard wants to play with you.”