Chapter Text
“Hange!!!!”
“Commander!”
“HANGE!”
The screams of the other soldiers was all she could hear as she floated in an dark abyss. People calling out her name as she followed the light at the bottom of an endless sea. She didn’t know if she wanted to go to the light yet, if she wanted to let herself sink even further. She didn’t know if she wanted to explore a new world yet when she had so many questions of the one she lived in.
“HANGE”
For the first time in a while nothing hurt. The pain of the flames consuming her disappeared. The phantom pains from her lost eye were completely gone. The soreness in her arms and legs from the endless fighting felt non existent. The headache that has been torturing ever since she became the commander felt like a distant memory. The constant pain in her heart caused by living a life of constant suffering and death was completely obliterated.
“Commander”
She felt…calm.
That was a feeling strange for the overexcited scientist who constantly strived to know new information about a world that only knew how to teach pain. She can hardly recall a moment in her life where she was calm. The concept was strange when her life consisted of constant change and need for adaptation. From fighting titans, to experimenting, to taking down the government, to losing all your friends and loved ones in battle to dealing with global politics to becoming a traitor to your own country to having to stop the 15 year old child you had under your wing for the past four years from committing global genocide, there was no room for calmness or relaxation.
Someone would assume that she would find pleasure in this predicament however pleasure was not the term she would opt for. It wasn’t bad it just wasn’t good either. It was nothing.
There was no pain and yet there was no pleasure either. It felt like she was sinking under water. Sinking under the calm waves of absolute nothingness. Or maybe quicksand that slowly devoured her as she despite the fact that she remained as still as possible. However, she wasn’t feeling any fear as she let herself sink while bracing herself for what was to come.
Once the screams went away she could only hear the sound of her heart beating weakly in her chest. Sometimes there would be footstep sounds here and there, door opening and closing, people talking…but nothing too discomforting.
She remembers her decision of sacrificing herself during the rumbling, Armin becoming the new commander, Levi devoting his heart to her…Going up against the wall titans.
She remembers flames, a lot of flames, heat, unbearable heat that consumed her. She remembers seeing the flying boat leaving as she prepared herself for her death and then…Kiyomi’s boat….
The last thing she remembers is pain. A lot of pain…and people screaming her name and then, Eren’s voice. Then she woke up in this abyss.
She didn’t wonder what comes next. She didn’t feel the need to. She just let herself sink in, progressively getting closer to the inviting light beneath her.
“Hey there four-eyes” Levi’s voice echoed through the void. “if anyone told me 3 days ago that after I stopped Eren’s ass from destroying the world I would come back to your scrawny ass having survived getting cooked alive I would have punched them in the face…” what was he going on about?
She wanted to respond. However, she would soon find out that no matter how much she opened her mouth to talk, it wouldn’t work, sound did not travel in the abyss. She was bound to listen.
“…and yet here you are…burned to the core and yet still breathing…you truly can’t stay out of the action, can you?” was this sadness in his voice? “You jumped in that boat last minute, the Hizuru people kept you alive until you were brought here”
She wanted him to continue. His voice was comforting in the nothingness of the abyss she was trapped in.
“I guess this is why you weren’t with Erwin and the others in that vision…”
Silence
“We did it four eyes…we stopped Eren, that stupid brat had a plan from the start, he told all of us, you must remember since our memories are back…”
Eren? Yes…he did come talk to her, the rumbling…he wanted to protect all of them, he apologized to her….she can’t really remember much of it but he was apologizing to her…
“The titan powers are completely gone now…disappointing huh? No more potential boyfriends for you” he scoffed softly “There’s no reason for the world to be scared of us anymore…and”
Silence
“I killed him…I killed that monkey, I fulfilled my promise to Erwin”
‘I knew that you would’ she thought to herself.
“All of this happened 3 days ago…you’ve been asleep for 3 days”
‘Sleep is what this is?’
“I’m not sure what all this means in the bigger picture…but I think that it’s time for two of us to retire…we have no reason to be fighting anymore, right?” Hange heard him breath out a small laugh “I never thought I’d live to say those words”
‘Likewise….’
“All you have to do is wake up…” she heard him say with a softness in his voices.
He kept her company in the void for a while. This is probably the most talkative she’s ever heard him be. Probably because she can’t respond.
His voice was calm, with a hint of sadness. He sounded tired. He did deserve a much needed rest. She desperately wanted to get up to see his injuries, did his stitches stay in place? And yet, she remained stuck in the void.
“I have to go now four-eyes”
‘Why? I want you to stay’
“The doctor said that they’re worried for any possible infections…because of your burns, they don’t allow long visits” another small dry laugh “I’ve heard a shit tone of bullshit in my life, ME infecting YOU is definitely one of the most absurd”
She can only imagine Levi reacting to being told that. The bearer of the news is probably dead by now.
“I’ll be back tomorrow” he reassured “don’t go running off anywhere, okay?”
‘Like where? I’m stuck here’
“Hello commander…it’s me…Armin”
His voice was calm and slightly awkward. As if he didn’t know what to refer to her as.
“We are all glad that you’re still with us”
‘Am I?’
“I wanted to thank you for putting your trust in me to continue leading the scouts…” he started “Its honestly a scary position, big shoes to fill…but I guess that’s exactly how you felt when Erwin made you commander, didn’t you?” he laughed.
“I’m not sure if there’s anything left of the scouts for me to command…Paradis still views us as the enemy, I don’t see a future where we get to return there safely” he said with a more serious tone.
Hange couldn’t help but blame herself for this turn out. She truly let the scouts fall apart under her command.
“Thank you for keeping the spirit of the wings of freedom alive despite all the weights you had on your shoulders…” Armin responded as if she could read through her thoughts “…You truly led us into freeing the world from a lot of pain and suffering, the Alliance would have been impossible without you”
She could only think that he gave her more credit than she deserved.
Dry laugh.
“When you made me commander you asked me to put Captain Levi to work…I specifically remember you saying to ‘work him to the bone’…I will sadly have to inform you that this won’t be the case…I wanted him to be able to get the rest he deserves…but then again…that’s what you truly wanted me to do, didn’t you?”
Yes…she only wanted for him to be able to rest. To put all the was and suffering behind him and live. That’s all she wanted for him.
“Out of all the other members of the survey corps I considered you the one who had the biggest desire to explore the outside world as much as I did…” he said sadly.
“Anyways I won’t tire you much, all I wanted to say is that no matter what happens I’ll try to keep that spirit alive…help rebuild everything that Eren ruined” his voice slightly broke when Eren’s name was mentioned. “And I hope you’ll be there to guide me while I do so”
“We all miss you commander” his voice curled when referring to her old title “We can’t wait for you to wake up”
“Your body has suffered a lot” she heard Levi say.
He had been coming to her a lot. She didn’t have an understanding of time in the abyss but Levi’s voice was almost always there.
“Your entire body, all the way up to your cheek” he explained “From 2nd to 3rd to 4th degree burns…that’s what they called it”
“Your left side has been through the most…that’s where your skin received the most damage” he sighed “even if you woke up moving would be difficult, it would take a lot of physical therapy and even then it wouldn’t be certain” his voice remained monotonous yet filled with sadness, she could always tell.
“You won’t be able to go out in the sun much either…” he sighed “..I’m no good either…after that thunder spear explosion I am a wreck…I would have been worse if you hadn’t showed up though…”
“…I never go to properly thank you for that…” he sighed again, this time more frustrated “I don’t even know why I’m doing this…talking to a body for months like a mad person” he muttered in frustration.
Silence
“I’m sorry, the doctors said that you would still be able to listen…” now his voice showed hesitation and regret.
Silence
“Four-eyes I…never mind…I’ll clean you up now, okay?”
Steps.
A moment of silence ensued.
“The brats are doing well…” he continued “you would be proud of their accomplishments…” he sighed, voice soft “they are working with the alliance, trying to bring peace after the rumbling, knowing you, you’ll be helping them once you get better, is that right? Four-eyes?”
Sigh
“You can take all the time you want…” his voice became more quiet “the doctors keep saying that you’re in no pain…I hope it’s true, you don’t look in pain, aside of all these burns…you look like you’re sleeping…that’s good, the past 4 years have been harsh on you…you deserve some sleep…just wake up once you feel rested”
Another moment of silence ensued.
“Remember when you wanted us to runaway? Live in the forest together, away from everyone and everything…”
Silence
“What a stupid idea…I sometimes wonder what our lives would have been if we actually followed through” his voice slightly broke “after all…it’s not like you’d ever run from the action”.
Silence
“You know…we can still do it…follow through with your stupid idea…what do you think? After you wake up we can try our chances” he sighed again.
These past few months Levi’s voice has been her only comfort. He never leaves her side, he’s just with her taking his time talking to her. Most of the times she can’t even make out what he’s saying but his presence is enough for her. It honestly felt as if he was in the abyss with her, letting himself sink along with her. Every time it disappears she’s left alone in the void, she doesn’t like that.
“I’m staying the night…that won’t be a problem, right? Armin has talked to your doctors, I can stay here as long as need…the brat has been really accommodating”
Silence
“I’m here four-eyes”
“Hello Hange…it’s me..Jean” he said awkwardly
“I’m sorry…I haven’t visited you much” he gulped “I’m not as strong as captain…he is here every day, he hasn’t left your side since lady Kiyomi told us you survived…sometimes I worry about him but then again…I can’t imagine him being anywhere else but here”
“Your room is beautiful…it’s a pity you can’t see it… the captain has been keeping it clean..Connie has been making sure you have at least one bouquet in your room all the time…knowing you, you wouldn’t be flustered by such gestures but that idiot won’t budge…he has grown soft ever since Sasha…” he sighed “…it doesn’t matter”
Silence
“This week it’s dandelions…” he said, voice filled with sadness “You know…Sasha loved this flower, she said that people in her village would wait for it to grow after winter and would tell them that spring was on its way…it would be a symbol of hope and rebirth to them…” his voice broke slightly “Connie…” he exclaimed “…I can’t believe that bastard put this much thought into this..” he sniffed his nose.
“I’m sorry…I shouldn’t be so emotional over some flowers…” he paused “I’ll just change the topic since…you know..”
Silence
“Mikasa…don’t blame her for not having visited you” he started “she’s been through a lot…I doubt she could manage losing another person close to her…” he explained softly. “She hardly talks to any of us anymore…”
Steps
“Hange, don’t give up, not yet…it would be unfair to do this to yourself” he said as his voice showed determination “The world is finally at peace…you of all people deserve to experience it, you and captain Levi deserve to experience it more than any of us and he won’t be able to experience it either if you give up..” his voice shaky “..So if you don’t do it for yourself then do it for him…he hardly leaves your room you know? It’s been five months already and there hasn’t been a day he hasn’t spent talking to you…”
Silence
He sighs in frustration “Anyways…that’s not what I’m here for…I was going through some of our old stuff and found these…you probably can’t see…these are your goggle, a spare pair at least…I thought that you might need them once…and if…you know” he sighs again.
”You were a great commander for all of us”
Steps and then silence.
“I’m leaving soon…for Paradis…see my mom, talk to Mikasa…I won’t be able to come for a while…I’m not worried though, you have the best protector by your side…” he said with a sad voice “Goodbye for now Hange”
“Morning Commander” Connie said enthusiastically.
“It’s a beautiful day isn’t it? I bet you can feel it despite being asleep and all” he continued “The sun is out, I wish I could open your curtains a bit but the doctors won’t allow it” the excitement never left his voice.
Silence.
“Spring is coming, I can feel it, I bet you can feel it too, the weather is warmer”
Steps.
“You like the flowers I brought to you? The smell is so strong it fills the room”
Silence.
“Jean is telling me to stop and that there’s no need…” he sighs softly “..I told him that it would be rude if I didn’t after everything you did for us, after all it doesn’t seem like the Captain minds it, heck I bet he even takes care of them since they are maintained for so long”
Steps.
“It’s been a rough couple of months, it feels like someone removed a huge stick out of our asses” he groans playfully “Armin has been all authoritative and shit” he laughs “Honestly there hasn’t been a day since Odiha that I haven’t questioned why I wasn’t the one to become the next commander”
Laughs.
“Get it cause I’m a dumbass”
Laughs
“It’s a good one…Me! Commander!”
Laughs
“Aghhhh…15th commander of the survey corps representing the wings freedom Connie Springer…has a nice ring to it right? Mom would be so proud”
Laughs.
Silence.
“Anyways I guess I can make a formal complaint once you wake up…right?”
Dry laugh.
Silence.
“How are you commander?” he says softly “I bet you’re flustered by how much Captain Levi cares for you right now…he always did but now that everything is more peaceful he shows it way more”
Silence.
“I get it…I never took much care of my mom until I lost her…” he sighs “it’s not my first time having to talk to someone that doesn’t respond”
Silence.
“It feels lonely but I can’t imagine what it would feel for you to be in a room filled with constant silence for months” he sighs again.
Silence.
“My mom is doing fine…ever since she transformed back…she came to Liberio to stay with me since I work here now…who would have thought” dry laugh “She’s having a hard time adjusting to the new technologies and all…she misses dad and my siblings…but she’s doing fine”
Sigh.
“I still dream of the day I saw her in titan form for the first time…more like nightmares I guess” silence “After Reiner and Bertholdt ran away you came to the village with me…I remember Moblit being worried since you were injured, there was never anything he could do to keep you from doing what was on your mind”
Dry laugh.
“I was so terrified back then…I had no idea things would only get worse”
Steps.
“The captain went back home for a bit, to get some rest and all…Onyankopon is staying with him for now…he’s doing well” he says softly “I’ll be keeping you company until he comes back”
“You know I’ve heard from Armin that he’s looking for a house for himself, a small cabin in the woods or something…” he pauses “I don’t think he’s planning to stay there by himself though…he’s probably waiting for someone”
Silence.
“I always thought that you two had something going on” he says as his voice becomes cheerful “Sasha agreed with me…Jean told us to stop being morons”
Laughs.
“I desperately hope that you won’t remember me saying this once you wake up….I don’t want to be in trouble”
Steps.
Silence.
“Mmmm what else would interest you…OH I KNOW…Jean and Mikasa have been getting on quit fine lately…he has been keeping her company if you know what I mean…”
Laughs.
“That desperate bastard…nothing much has happened of course but she’s taking to him and considering that she hasn’t spoken to anyone except Armin in months that means a lot” he laughs “I’ve been witnessing him try to get her attention for years…feels like a reward…one of us had to find someone at some point”
Laughs.
“You had to see him back when we were still training…he would cry over her so much…of course he doesn’t know I know he was but that makes it even more hilarious”
Silence
“Armin is also being all lovey dovey with Annie, it’s like watching too old people fall in love…she’s all closed up and grumpy all the time and he is smart and excited to explore the world and all” he pauses “Hey kinda like you and…” he pauses again “…I won’t continue that sentence cause it really feels like I’m digging my own grave”
He sighs theatrically.
“I’m talking about other relationships as if I have to boost for one of my own…nope, just me Connie and I, forever a bachelor…well at least I didn’t end up like Reiner, am I right?” he laughs “The bastard still thinks he might get a chance with Historia”
Silence.
“Speaking of Historia, her daughter is this lovely little thing, she’s just adorable, I feel like an uncle” giggles “She reminds me of my siblings…ahhh I miss them so much…” he pauses “I wish they got to experience this new world..”
Silence.
“I always wondered about your family Commander, we knew a lot about Levi, since…we met Kenny I guess…and then I obviously knew about the people I trained with but we never got to learn about your past…” he pauses “WELL…we’ll have a lot of time to exchange stories once you come back to us…we won’t have to worry about war anymore”
Silence.
Laughs
“I’m sorry I just…”
Laughs
“I bet if Sasha was here…”
Laughs.
“…She would wonder how you survive without eating…I mean the doctors did explain to us that those tube thingies help but I don’t think she would ever wrap her head around it…she was a dumbass…”
Laughs.
“You know…she liked you a lot, she said that you gave her a potato once or something and ever since she liked you” he laughs “We all do”
Silence
“Nicollo has been taking good care of her family…I’m glad cause I’m too busy sometimes and can’t keep up with everything…I bet if she was still here the bastard would propose…”
Silence.
“The pain never really goes away does it commander?” he sniffs, voice becoming sad and shaky “It always weighs down on you and no matter how much time passes there is still this feeling in your chest that simply doesn’t allow you to forget…” he pauses “I bet you know that pain quit well…you’ve been in the army way longer than I have…you’ve lost so many people”
Silence.
“I’m sorry…I didn’t come here to burden you with my sad thoughts” he says a bit more cheerfully.
He mutters to himself.
“What else what else…I gave you a monthly report on let’s see…Armin yes, Mikasa yes, Jean yes…Connie *laughs* yes…Levi yes though you probably already know with him already…I guess I can talk about the warriors…ha…haven’t said this word for a while…’warriors’…mhmm, I mean a bit too cheesy but we had the wings of freedom so we’re not the ones to talk” he pauses and laughs to himself “At least we’re not calling ourselves the ‘Yeagerists’ right?”
Laughs
“What even was that name…? Imagine if all of us had an army of people after our name! Wait I’ll try…The Springers!” laughs loudly “The Kristeners” his voice only gets louder “The…the oh…The Ackermaners” bursts out laughing “Sounds ridiculous…who came up with it? Eren you bastard”
Clears throat.
“Okay okay I’m done…I’m done…” pauses “On to the ‘not “warrior” anymore unite’” he starts enthusiastically cracking his knuckles “You obviously know about Reiner, I’ve already talked about him…the guy is just resting I guess…nothing really goes on in his life, he lives with his mom and they get on just fine…he is a bit down from time to time…” pause “He might be built like a titan but lately he’s being acting like a big harmless bear, its hilarious to watch…”
His laughing continues.
“We went drinking the other day, he has been my substitute best friend since Jean left for Paradis to try his luck with Mikasa…mhmm…the two ain’t two different from one another, don’t tell them I told you that…”
Clears throat comedically.
“Warrior number two, Annie, our Female Titan…I’ve also talked about Annie already…she is basically living her love story with our dear new commander” pause “They’re cute together…she’s living with her dad…rebuilding their relationship” he continues “She’s still cold and mean and grumpy and closed off and cold…so she’s basically doing just fine”
“Pieck, our Cart Titan, she’s also doing well…her dad is getting better so she seems happy, she was talking about visiting at some point, I don’t know if she already has…I might need to ask Captain about that but yeah…she’s grateful we helped them”
“Then…I guess I’ll have to talk about Falco and Gabby…they definitely have visited you, I would surprised if they didn’t…they’re doing well…having their childhood love story thing going on…i remember being so mad…blaming them for taking Sasha away from me…I…I..” his voice breaks.
Silence.
“I was so foolish back then…we were the ones attacking their home and they only defended themselves…titans attacked our home and we defended ourselves…”
Sigh.
“It’s good to see them be kids and heal…makes me have no regrets over what we did…I wouldn’t possibly be able to live in a world where I allowed the Rumbling to happen” pause “Thank you for leading us into saving the world”
His voice is soft and kind.
“I only wish you got to see it”
Laughs.
“I can only imagine your excitement when seeing Falco’s titan and all the other ancient titan shifters…you would appreciate it way more than we did”
Laughs.
“Heck if you had joined the final battle you would probably get to experience turning into a titan yourself…crazy shit…it felt so weird being a titan…I was awake but not completely…something in between I guess” pause “Maybe similar to what you’re experiencing right now…”
Silence.
“I hope you wake up soon Hange…everyone misses you a lot” sigh “Anyways…I will give you some peace for now, I’ll stay silent until the captain comes”
Silence.
Silence.
Silence.
*snores*
*snores*
*snores*
“Connie…”
“Wow Leviiii!”
*Bang sound*
“I mean sir…ehhh Captain” Connie says sounding like he shit himself out of fear “I’m sorry I fell asleep..sir”
Sigh.
“How is she?” Levi asks with a monotonous voice, he sounds tired.
“Like usual sir…I’ve been keeping her good company sir…told her all the interesting gossip haha” he said awkwardly.
“Thank you Connie…it means a lot” Levi says, voice giving no hints of emotion but his voice is more lighthearted.
“Don’t mention it…I know how it feels to talk to someone that can’t exactly respond to you…it can be tiring but it’s all we can do for her right now…” Connie answered softly.
“Right” Levi responds.
“I’m sure she’ll get better soon though…our commander is strong”
Steps.
Silence.
“I’ll leave you two alone for now…goodnight Captain”
Silence
“Hey four-eyes…hope the brat didn’t give you a hard time…” he sighs “…He has been a lot of help”
Steps.
“Anyways…it’s late…I guess it’s time for us to get some rest…” his voice gives betrays some sadness.
“It’s been 10 months already…since everything happened” Levi says.
”I haven’t seen the brats in a while…they’re really growing…They have a lot on their plates…they write a lot, to both of us however” there was always that underlying sadness and weakness behind his voice.
“There are a lot of aggressions in Paradis…too many people are mad that the rumbling failed” he sighs “Returning there would be dangerous for all of us…Armin and the others are trying to heal the relationship but it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere for now” he pauses “All this hard work…years of fighting for this place only to end up being chased out of it…just like you said four-eyes…”
Silence
“Time used to pass so quickly…we had so much to do, now every day seems to be the same…” he sighed “I wonder how time passes in that big head of yours…I bet that you’ve found a way to keep yourself occupied”
A few moments of absolute silence passed.
“Your burns have started to look better…the scars are there, your skin is quit fragile but it’s not as bad as it was a few months ago…there’s still a long recovery ahead of you…the doctors say that even if you wake up…” he sighs “forget it”
Silence.
“I…I did it four eyes…” he started, voice sounding pained “A small cabin outside Liberio…it may not be in Paradis, it wouldn’t be the wisest for us to return there right now….but…we could make it work, right?”
Silence.
“Your idea could come true…”
Silence.
“Pretty stupid of me right?” his voice remains soft “Feels a bit too late for that…”
Silence.
“I wish you could respond…I wish you could open that fucking eye of yours and show me that it’s not too late, that you’re not fucking dead…” his voice breaks.
Silence.
”I’m sorry…I…I‘m sorry”
“It’s been a year four-eyes…should I wish you happy anniversary for being stuck in this fucking bed for this long?”
He scoffed.
“The doctors say that you’re here only because of your strength…out of pure will to survive…they don’t think that this will, will get you to wake up though” his voice breaks slightly.
Steps.
“Can you feel this? I’m holding your hand…”
He sighs.
“Who am I kidding…you probably can’t even hear me when talking to you…” he says in defeat
He sighs again.
“You know…when I learned that you survived the rumbling and that we would be able to live in a peaceful world…I decided that I would start being more selfish…that I wouldn’t let anything happen to you…it’s not like I have any duties concerning humanity anymore…”.
Silence
“I told myself that I wouldn’t let you go…”
Pause.
“But…the more time passes…the more I see you laid down on that bed covered by bandages and wires, battling for your life…still battling to survive…fuck…” he groans as his voice breaks again.
He doesn’t talk for a while nor he continues what he had to say.
“…You are still battling to survive when every single one of us gets to live peacefully and…it’s unfair…you have worked so hard your whole life…dedicated your heart to saving the world and you don’t even get to experience it…” his voice filled with anger.
he groaned out of frustration.
“Why are you even here if you’re not going to wake up? Why don’t you join Erwin and the others, find some peace in the other world if not this one?” he yells.
“I told myself that I would be selfish, care about myself instead of humanity for once but I can’t possibly do that when I feel like I’m holding you back..that I’m forcing you to stay in a world that has made you suffer so much”
Silence fills the room before he sighs again.
“I wanted more than anything to live a peaceful life with you, away from everyone but the more time passes…I feel like this idea is a delusional dream”
He sighs.
“I want you to know that if this dream is holding you back, if I’m holding you back from finding peace…then I stand here before you telling you to leave”
His voice starts to break slightly.
“You are the last person I have left…I love you more than anything and because of that I can’t possibly sit here watching you be reduced to a shell of what you once were, a body with no soul only bound to this world because of a delusional dream…” he pauses “I..I can’t take seeing you like this…you don’t deserve to suffer anymore…”
He groans angrily.
“I…I’ll be fine…okay? You don’t have to worry about me, you don’t have to worry about anyone any more, there’s nothing to tie you down here, so stop fighting, you don’t have to fight anyomore!” his voice only becomes louder “So I’m willing to leave all my dreams of us behind and set your soul free…you hear me Hange?…You’re not bound to me anymore, you’re free to go wherever you want…if you want to join the others you are free to do so…” he yells
“The war has ended, Paradis is basically only a distant memory as far as we’re concerned, Armin is the new commander, the titans are gone, you don’t have to be here anymore! You can rest…there are no battles waiting for us anymore”
He sighs again in defeat.
“But if you decide to fight this last battle with death and win…I’ll be here next to you…okay? Four-eyes?” dry laugh “I’ll be here next to you, holding your hand”
After a while of being lost in the void Hange stopped making sense of the sounds around her. She could still hear them but they didn’t mean anything to her anymore. She couldn’t even distinct the opening of the door from a person talking to her.
She was also starting to forget. She didn’t know who she was anymore. She didn’t remember her past, her name, the titans, the walls, her friends. These things didn’t mean anything to her anymore. She was just an entity floating around in a sea of nothingness as the light beneath her kept calling for her to go through it.
It felt like she was sinking a bit too deep in the sea. As if her head was covered by quicksand without any chances of escaping.
The void was devouring her and there was nothing she could do about it. Or maybe there was but she was into deep to do anything about it.
Part of her wanted to go into the light but something was keeping her back. She didn’t know what, it just didn’t feel right for her to follow it right now. Yet the more she stayed in the void the more she felt as if she was fading away.
She was in the darkness for so long that she was becoming one with it. She was becoming the darkness, she was becoming the ocean, becoming the quicksand that kept her from leaving. She was for in nothingness for to long that she herself was becoming nothing.
As she has accepted her fate and allowed herself to drown she feels something telling her to not give up. Maybe it’s an external source, maybe a sound she heard, a familiar voice that caught her interest enough to reach her from her spot in the darkness. Maybe it was the scent of a flower that helped reignite a feeling of hope. Maybe it was a forgotten memory that her soul just couldn’t let go of. Maybe it was Hange herself who gave herself the courage to not give up. Maybe it was her who finally decided that she had enough of staying in darkness. Maybe she was getting tired of the feeling of endless relaxation. Maybe the darkness did not intrigue her anymore. Maybe her natural interest as a scientist told her that there’s more to learn before accepting nothingness.
She can’t be sure where it came from but this unknown determination had her struggling to reach the surface of this dark sea she was allowing herself to sink into. She swam as far away of the light as possible, not allowing herself to be taken away by it.
Armin was standing in the door of the hospital room taking a good look at the captain who was sitting next to Hange’s bed pressing a wet sponge against her body.
He has been visiting her almost every day for a year, talking to her and keeping her company without getting any response in return. Refusing to enjoy the peace of the new world just so she won’t be alone in this cold and unwelcoming hospital room.
Hange on the other hand is laying in her bed, unmoving…completely unresponsive. Her body is covered in burns that reach all the way up to her left cheek. Her body was left changed and deformed by the burns that ruined most of her skin.
Her head burns weren’t as severe as the rest of her body as nothing aside than her cheek was affected. Probably part of the reason why she survived, the fire didn’t suffocate her.
Her cheek looked rough and thick and yet fragile, as if it would peal off is you rubbed it a bit too hard. It looked like crumpled paper. The burn wasn’t red, it wasn’t mostly pale…paler than the rest of her skin. It was on the side of her face were she had lost her eye. The other side was not affected.
The skin on her neck was also similar to the burned skin on her cheek. Rough looking, pale, yet fragile.
She was wearing a hospital gown and she was covered with a thin sheet that covered everything but her hands that laid on top of the sheet pierced by wires. Her hands also looked as looked deformed, however the burns remained reddish making the damage on the skin even more obvious, her veins were also more visible to see inside her fragile skin.
Only by the sight of her hands and face someone could tell the amount of damage she had endured despite that these were only a fraction of what her body looked like.
The doctors wouldn’t allow light into the room afraid that it would further the damage in her body thus she was bound to stay in a dark room with only a single light above her head. She had tubes in sticking out of her mouth breathing for her since she was too weak to do it herself.
The technology of the outside world allowing patients to survive way longer than they ever would in Paradis. They’re lucky that she wasn’t in Paradis, when they found her.
Despite the pained and damaged image of her body, she looked like she was sleeping. Like she would wake up any minute to continue her work as the commander…As if nothing had happened.
Armin leaned against the door taking a good look at the. A sad smile appearing on his lips as he recalled the day Kiyomi told them that Hange had survived.
“Ready Captain?” Armin asked softly.
Levi didn’t take his eyes off her but still responded “Yes…just, give me a minute, okay?” he softly placed the wet sponge on her arm.
“Yes..of course” he says giving him an awkward smile “We’re all waiting for you outside, take as much time as you need…I know its not easy” he said trying to show sympathy before leaving the room.
Armin and the others were worried since he along with Hange hasn’t allowed himself to find peace if this new war free world. However, no one had the heart to tell him to move on. How could they tell him to move on when he lost everything in that war but her? How could they tell him to let go and move on when they themselves hadn’t moved on?
Armin did manage to convince him to join them on a trip to Hizuru to get some rest…get the chance to forget even if it is for a little while. Staying in a hospital all day with someone who was injured during war is not the best way to heal from your war trauma.
The Peacekeepers had to go to Hizuru anyways for political reasons so it would be good for him to join along. It was their chance to see Hizuru for the first time as well. It was one of the few places that survived the Rumbling.
The Peacekeepers had gathered in the hospital waiting for him to get ready so they can leave. They also wanted to get the chance to see Hange since they don’t get to visit much anymore.
Levi stood by Hange’s bed giving her a bath before he had to leave. “Hey four-eyes…I won’t be here for a bit…but I’ll be back soon…” he said softly pressing the sponge against her burned shoulder “Those brats want me to join them on their trip to Hizuru, they wouldn’t shut up until I agreed”
He sighs reluctant to leave the room he has spent a year of his life in. He knows it’s stupid but it feels like he’s abandoning her.
“I promise it won’t be long” he reached for her hand holding it in his giving it a small squeeze “You’ll probably feel relieved to finally get some time for yourself”
He took his time getting her clean. It was the only thing he could do for her and it made him feel useful. It was the only way he could help her in her state. He remembers doing it for the first time and being absolutely clueless on how to touch her extremely sensitive to everything body but eventually it became a common task for him and with her condition slowly getting better it was easier for him to handle her without fear of hurting her. Part of him felt like he was cleaning an inanimate object, not too different from cleaning a dining table since she wouldn’t move or react to his touches. He would drown those thoughts as soon as they came and hate himself for thinking like that about a person this dear to him….She was four-eyes, his friend, a soldier, a scientist, the commander of the Survey Corps…he can’t allow himself to reduce her to an object.
When he was done he took his time to take a good look at her as she laid in her hospital bed. “I’m not leaving you” he says softly leaning to press his forehead against hers closing his eye “I’ll be back, okay?”.
Armin and Jean entered the room.
“Captain?” Armin called softly indicating that it’s time for them to leave.
“I’m ready” he said getting up from his seat and turn to the two soldiers.
“Let’s go sir, she’s in good hands” Jean reassured him with a warm smile on his face.
“Right”
As Levi approached the door he witnessed both men’s expressions swift. Their soft expressions turn to the ones of horror as they looked directly behind him…no no it wasn’t fear what he saw in their eyes it was…shock. It looked as if their bodies frozen for a minute as they looked towards Hange’s bed.
Jean was the first one to act. He instinctively ran to help even before Levi had the time to turn around. When he did turn he saw Hange whose right shoulder was starting to make weak movements against the bedsheets.
Levi immediately ran to her side following Jean while he heard Armin running out of the room yelling for a doctor to come.
Levi looked in awe as she strarted to press her eyes shut and her lips trembled as her body tried to move but failed.
“Commander!?” Jean yelled wanting to do something to help but too scared to touch her fragile frame.
“Four-eyes?” Levi softly exclaimed, eyes wide open as he looked at her attempts to wake up. He was also scared of touching her.
Hange slowly opened her eyes only to immediately close them again as she was blinded by the light in the room. Her mouth letting a silent groan escape her lips.
She was awake…