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“You’re disgusting.”
I love you too.
“Get away from me.”
I ’m so sorry.
“I never want to talk to you again.”
I’m so scared.
Words left unsaid, Tsukishima watched his best friend close his eyes and accept his words. Tears leaked out of the corner of Yamaguchi’s eyes but he bit his lip and refused to let out the sob at his throat. Anguish wrecked his face as he nodded in Tsukishima’s direction before turning around and walking off stiffly. Gaze following the freckled young man, Tsukishima stood unmoving as the words unspoken berated his mind. Well it’s too late now.
And while one part of his mind was relieved the other was relentless in its effort to convince his body to run to Yamaguchi.
He hates me.
Well that’s what you wanted, wasn’t it?
Yes. That had been the plan. When he noticed Yamaguchi trying to push the bounds of their friendship he pushed back. No one deserved to be close to a toxic wasteland. It was out of his own selfishness that he allowed Yamaguchi to stay at his side. He was bound to get hurt eventually. Tsukishima knew he should have cut Yamaguchi earlier and saved the poor boy some misery but sometimes he could believe the freckled boy’s words. Sometimes he could actually believe Yamaguchi when he rambled on about how great Tsukishima was. He could almost crack a smile when the other boy would stand up for him without prompting. But no. When Yamaguchi left all Tsukishima had was the shadows that clawed at the back of his mind, sinking their talons in any light Yamaguchi brought into his life and tainted it. No, Yamaguchi was better off without him. He didn’t deserve to be infected with Tsukishima’s nightmares. So yes, it was what he wanted… for Yamaguchi. Parts of him still yearned for the bit of sunshine the boy brought, turning to him like a sunflower. But he shut down these thoughts quickly. Turning towards his street, Tsukishima walked home. Alone is best, the voices in his head prompted, alone, alone, alone. If his body clung a little more to the shadows of the building, no one looked to noticed.