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The castle was quiet—an hour past curfew—and Lily muffled a yawn as she gave another secret corridor a halfhearted check for any lingering students. She’d stayed up far too late the previous night, revising her charm essay for the millionth time. And now bloody prefect rounds were stealing any chance at catching up on much needed sleep. She let out a grumbling ‘hmph’ and stalked back down the hall trying not to resent the responsibilities that came with her appointed position.
“Are you going to tell me how your date went or do I need to beg?”
Lily whirled around and walked backwards, gifting her companion with a low groan of dismay. “Fucking awful, wasn’t it?”
Remus Lupin trailed behind her, hands casually in his pockets, prefect badge pinned crooked on his lazy attempt at a proper uniform. He raised a scarred eyebrow and snickered at her response. “That bad, eh?”
She gave her best friend a dramatic sigh and resumed her forward journey. “Horrible. Was just looking for a shag, didn’t even offer to buy me a drink first.” Remus hummed and shook his head in mock disappointment at the audacity of teenage boys. How dare they, indeed.
They continued on with their rounds, which always happened to go much quicker when she partnered with Remus due to his mysterious knowledge of knowing the exact locations of out-of-bounds students. (She’d learned long ago not to ask and merely enjoy the benefits that came with it.) Except tonight they were moving a bit faster than usual. Lily peered sideways when he uttered a tempus charm for the third time in the past hour. “Got somewhere to be?”
He sent her an unamused look for her apparent nosy question. Secretive bastard. “Actually, yes.”
“Oh?” Lily let out a loud gasp and flashed him a teasing smile paired with a fun eyebrow wiggle. It was too tempting of an opportunity to mess with the poor sod. “ At midnight, Rem? Wouldn’t happen to be meeting with another person, would you?”
“I am, thanks.”
“What?”
Lily’s feet halted to a stop, stunned, and gaped at her friend. To her knowledge Remus didn’t date. He’d disclosed to her at the beginning of last year (through uncharacteristic sobs) that he was gay. It had been a bit awkward at first, mainly due to her having just admitted that she had more than platonic feelings for the lad. But of course she’d been completely supportive and immediately jumped on the chance to find him a boyfriend. Merlin help her, if she couldn’t be with him then she’d find the lucky bastard who could.
Remus, however, had been adamantly against it and cited that the challenge of trying to find another closeted bloke in the castle was too much work. Not to mention the small detail that being a werewolf made dating rather difficult. So Lily was absolutely floored— ready to drop to the stone corridor in disbelief–that Remus was meeting someone in the middle of the night.
“Moony! I’ve been waiting ages!”
They both turned towards the voice and Lily groaned in defeat as Sirius Black sauntered down the hall with his signature smirk. Remus let out a snicker at Lily’s reaction and she grudgingly gave him credit for having her on.
She eyed the lit cigarette held daintily in slender fingers with disapproval. The Marauders seemed to believe that they were exempt from curfew. Any rules, really. Having a friend as prefect seemed only to reinforce that belief.
“Sorry, Pads,” Remus called back and flashed Lily an apologetic grin.
“Evening, Evans.” Sirius leaned against the wall with a lazy smile. “I’ve come to steal this dashing man of yours.”
She narrowed her eyes in a glare towards the dark haired Gryffindor, already bristling in defense. “I should give you detention. You’re out of bounds and smoking.”
He cocked a perfectly arched eyebrow and released a plume of smoke. “Alright. Add it to the list.” Remus stepped forward to swing an arm around the Black heir’s shoulders and stole the fag for a quick haul.
“Were you in detention for McGonagall or Slughorn tonight?” Remus asked casually, taking another sneaky drag before Sirius wiggled his fingers for him to pass the smoke back.
“Minnie of course,” he chirped with a grin. “She only had me doing lines, do you think she’s grown bored of me?”
Lily let out a loud scoff and crossed her arms. “I don’t want to know anything about what you two have planned tonight,” she jabbed a finger towards Sirius. “If the Slytherins show up for breakfast tomorrow with pink robes I don’t want to be involved.”
Sirius puffed up in indignation and began a long-winded rant about how ‘we’ve matured, Evans’ and had ‘much more impressive pranks, thanks’. Remus laughed and shook his head fondly, before giving Lily a cheeky wave. He steered his friend around to start walking off down the hall in the opposite direction of the common room.
“Night, Lils.”
Lily sighed, watching the two boys disappear around the corner, Remus laughing happily at Black’s continued theatrics. They had come to a mutual understanding—Remus and herself—not to talk about their equal distaste in the other’s friendships. Her own connection with Severus was contested enough. But it didn’t stop her from silently questioning it every time she saw the four boys together.
She could never understand why Remus, someone so caring and quiet, was friends with the other Marauders.
Lily made her way back to the common room and mulled over the sad conclusion she had made over the past five years. Remus believed other people wouldn’t accept him for his lycanthropy and felt he owed loyalty to those boys, the first people that had accepted him for what he was. Potter and Black were loud, chaotic, and unfortunately charming. A young boy with low self-esteem hadn’t stood a chance, easily swept up in their dynamics. Just like what had happened with Peter Pettigrew.
If anything, Lily was clever and determined. And she loved her friends with a bold intensity, so strong, that she would do anything for them. Even if it meant giving them a slight push in the right direction. All she wanted was Remus to realize his own worth. And he deserved to have a relationship of his own, no matter how self-deprecating he was. So she took it upon herself to fall back on her past mission of finding a possible date for her best friend. But she needed to tread lightly, knowing that any sudden moves would cause the werewolf to take off running, tail between his legs.
She started with casual mentions of other gay students skillfully slipped into conversation over homework sessions and prefect rounds. It was artfully done, but Remus had been fairly nonchalant, offering little reaction to the subtle hints. Lily was unfortunately forced to ramp up the stakes with a little more directness.
They were relaxing outside in the grass under the shade of a tree, working through revision for an upcoming History of Magic exam. Marlene had left for Quidditch practice, Mary trailing behind her eager to watch some of the boys sweat. Lily glanced towards Remus sprawled out beside her, his brow furrowed in concentration, quill in his mouth. He looked exhausted, his usual tan skin lightened with a sickened hue, dark shadows under his eyes. She’d need to check her astronomy charts, but it was an easy guess that a full moon was approaching based on his appearance.
“Hogsmead trip next weekend,” she began lightly.
“Mhm.”
“Got any plans to go with anyone?”
He looked up at her in confusion, perhaps also a bit annoyed that his focus was being interrupted. “I always go with the lads. You know this, Lils.”
“Right,” she hastily agreed. “I just wanted to know if that changed. Potter and Black are bound to have dates at some point, no?”
Remus blinked at her before flashing her a sly grin, slowly raising up from his hunched position. “Why? Want to know if James is free?”
Lily sputtered, almost falling back onto the grass with the force of her vehement denial. “No. Absolutely not!” she snapped. “I wanted to see if you were free.”
She pursed her lips, waiting for her friend to silence his amused snickers. He collected himself and reclined back in the grass with a pleased expression, apparently a sadist entertained by her torture.
“I could meet up with you at some point,” he finally replied, mouth still quirked with a smug smile.
Still annoyed at his quip, she tossed out her idea with less grace than initially planned. “Actually, I heard that Lockhart was looking for a date.”
Lily truly couldn’t blame Remus for the absolute horrified look that filled his face, but she had to start somewhere. The openly gay fifth year was a solid choice.
“What the fuck? You’re bloody joking.”
“I just want you to be happy, Rem,” she quickly cut in, interrupting his continued swears that were becoming more creative by the second. “I know Lockhart might not be your type. If not him, maybe Christopher? Seventh year in Hufflepuff? He’s fit.”
Remus paused his foul language and sent a dirty glare, finishing it off with an annoyed huff. “Lily. What has gotten into you?”
“You’re a teenager, Rem.” She gifted him a kind and innocent smile, batting her eyes. “I worry you don’t let yourself do things because of your–er– condition.”
“Lily,” he groaned in defeat and buried his face in his hands. “I don’t need a boyfriend.”
“Not a boyfriend,” she amended and placed a hand on his arm in comfort. “Just a casual date. For fun.”
Remus raised his head and fixed her with an unreadable expression before averting his gaze to look out across the lake. Lily studied his profile, freckles and scars highlighted by the sun, the lips pulled down in a frown, and she felt a flicker of guilt at pushing her friend too hard. She opened up her mouth to apologize but immediately choked at the quiet words that came from his mouth.
“Lils. I’m not single.”
“What?” Her mind whirled in confusion and she gave Remus a solid shake on the shoulders. “Since when?”
Amber eyes met hers coupled with an apologetic grimace. “It’s been eight months.”
The words rang in her ears and Lily looked away, dumbfounded. Eight months and she hadn’t known that her best friend was seeing someone. She felt faint. “Starting at the end of last year?” she mentally calculated. “Someone here? Who is it?”
“Lily.”
She turned back towards Remus, hurt when she observed his stern look, and shook her head in bewilderment. “What, is it a secret?”
“No, it’s just private.” He let out a loud sigh and rubbed the back of his neck. “Not a secret but not something other people need to know about.”
“I bet your friends know,” she muttered bitterly under her breath. Remus sighed again and declined to answer that particular point. Of course the bloody Marauders knew. She pushed down the sudden rush of anger pooling in her stomach.
“I’m sorry, Lils. He’s not out yet. But I’m happy. Enough with the hints at possible dates, please.”
“Eight months,” she whispered and Remus gave a painful wince at her words. “You could have told me.”
“I know.” A warm arm wrapped around her shoulder and she leaned into the embrace, still feeling a bit dizzy. “I really am sorry, Lily.”
She turned to bury her face against his broad chest, soaking in the warmth from his jumper. He smelled like tea and parchment. Comforting and familiar. Perhaps she was making a big deal out of it all. “Is it just a casual thing, then?”
Remus released a resigned breath, the exhale ruffling the top of her head. “No,” he whispered.
“Oh,” she whispered back. A sharp pain pierced her chest. That information changed things, didn’t it? It felt more like a betrayal, knowing that her friend was in a committed relationship with some unknown student and hadn’t bothered to mention it.
“I was worried you might pressure me into telling you who it was,” Remus admitted.
Well. In all honesty, the werewolf had a point. Lily certainly would’ve pushed, not out of malicious intention, but her own painful curiosity. But it wasn’t right to expect Remus to disclose someone else’s sexual orientation if they weren’t ready. She knew that.
“I’m sorry you felt you needed to keep it from me.If you’re happy then I am too.” She pulled away and fixed her best friend with a fierce expression. “I promise I’ll never mention Lockhart’s name again.”
Her heart tightened, anger long gone and replaced with a fond warmth, when Remus burst into relieved laughter and pulled her into a tight embrace.
And Lily was happy for her best friend. Honestly.
But that didn’t stop her from doing some sleuthing of her own, keeping an eye on her tawny-haired friend over the next few weeks and assessing who he spent his time with. The only problem was that Remus hardly spent any time with anyone except for his insufferable mates. She caught him alone in the library or common room buried in a book on several occasions, but no other students in sight. The only other time she noticed that he spent with other people was during his revision sessions he held for students studying for their O.W.L.S.
The easy assumption was that it was one of the younger students attending his lessons. Or that Remus had lied about being single simply to get her to back off. Message received, loud and clear. Lily would stand down.
She was pulled from her mental musings from a commotion at the back of the Transfiguration classroom and whipped around in her seat in annoyance. She sent a hard scowl towards Black, who was leaning back in his chair with a smug smile, clearly enjoying the fact that Potter was laughing from whatever he said and currently turning a frightening shade of red.
It was difficult to see what all the other female students saw in the duo. Sure, Lily could admit that they were objectively attractive. James Potter was captain of the Quidditch team, with a charming smile and intentionally tousled hair. She often heard girls twittering about his athletic talents, fit body, and admirable disregard for rules.
And Sirius Black, more intimidating but made even more intriguing because of it. The rich Black Pureblood with his dark hair often held up in a knot with his wand, long lashes, and aristocratic features. Gorgeous but haughty, looking at others as if they were beneath him. The things the female students said about him were best not repeated in front of professors, whispers of recent forays in broom closets and late nights in the astronomy tower.
They were both cocky bastards. Good looks did little to hide that.
Lily flicked her gaze to the left, taking in her best friend sitting with Peter. Remus was ignoring the loud pair and dutifully taking notes, desensitized to their antics, but a hint of a smirk was visible on his scarred face. She let out a sigh and turned back to the front, trying to focus on Mcgonagall's description of Animagry.
The dreaded Saint Valentine’s Day finally arrived and Lily found herself assaulted with pink heart shaped confetti raining from the ceiling in the Great Hall. Owls were flying around frantically delivering cards and gifts across the student population and the hall was filled with chaotic, sappy excitement. Lily tried her best to ignore the heart-eyed couples (difficult when Mary was sitting across from her stuck in a lip-lock with a bloke from Ravenclaw.) She warily eyed a disgusting bouquet of lilies taking up her entire place at the table, rightfully so, when they suddenly burst into an obnoxious song. She swore and attempted to quiet the assault with a hastily cast silencio, but it only doubled the volume.
The ballad finally ended with a request for a date on the next Hogsmead weekend. She spun around on the bench towards the end of the table where the Marauders usually ate. The singing voice had been painfully familiar.
Potter flashed her a beaming smile, his plate filled with valentines that he was in the process of opening. Lily scowled and shot him a firm no complete with a very crude hand gesture. His friends burst into laughter at the anticipated rejection.
“She hates lilies,” Remus supplied helpfully. Confetti was sprinkled throughout his curls and he frowned, inconvenienced when some landed in his cup of tea.
“Well, I gave it a fair shot, didn’t I?” James shot back with a laugh and went back to digging into his cards with childlike glee.
“Nice try, mate,” Sirius agreed. He was lounging on the bench, long hair tied back with a red ribbon. Several impressive love bites were left on his neck, clearly visible against the pale skin. Lily could already hear people snickering about the man being a complete slag and wondering who the lucky bird was that time. His obscene pile of valentines were left untouched, none of the senders apparently worth acknowledging.
Lily scowled again and vanished the flowers, freeing her plate for breakfast. She jumped when a card fluttered down to land delicately in front of her, written in Remus’ familiar scrawl. She immediately softened and sent him a thankful smile across the table. He winked in return and turned back to his own meal.
Lily noticed that he had his own pile of valentines, still a part of the infamous Marauders after all, though his was much less excessive in quantity than his friends’. He gently slid them to the side for James to open for his own enjoyment, but paused and pulled a neatly wrapped package from the pile with a surprised grin. She watched in amazement as he opened the package, read the card with a light flush settling over his cheeks, and took out the chocolate to have a taste. Apparently he hadn’t been lying about the boyfriend after all.
Remus looked happy, Lily decided. That was all she needed to know.
It was the middle of the bloody night when Lily was rudely awoken by the Head Girl. She blinked up at Alice Longbottom, face illuminated by her lit wand, and gave a nonsensical grunt in confusion. “Sorry, Lily,” she whispered. “Mcgonagall needs all the prefects to meet, there was an incident with a muggle-born student. Could you grab Remus and Kingsley?”
She groaned and nodded. Alice sending a grateful thanks her way before rushing back down to meet their Head of House. Lily pulled her robes on and whispered a quiet apology to her dorm mates for the noise.
She crept up the staircase leading to the boys’ dormitories and reached the sixth year door, pushing it open to peer into the dark room. Quiet snores drifted out into the hallway.
“Remus?” she whispered quietly and wrinkled her nose at the smell of a room filled with four teenage boys. She pushed her way inside, cringing when her feet met a floor littered with dirty clothes and many unidentifiable items. The journey towards the bed in the left corner involved stumbling over a broom and cautiously skirting around a mysterious cauldron emitting a faint odor of eggs bubbling in the middle of the dorm floor.
Lily huffed in annoyance at the sight of Black's bed, suspiciously empty and neatly made. He was likely spending the night with another conquest, hoping to sneak back into the common room before others woke up. Unlucky for him that all the prefects would be awake and roaming the castle.
“Rem, we’re needed downstairs,” she whispered again and approached his tightly drawn bed curtains.
Lily gently pulled them open and froze at the sight of Sirius, very much there and heavily asleep. She could’ve sworn this used to be Remus’ bed but clearly she’d made a mistake. Lily glanced back at the empty bed and frowned at the elegant trunk nestled against it with silver engraved initials shining in the dim light from the hallway: S.O.B.
Her confusion swiftly switched in another direction when she turned back towards Black and realized that he wasn’t alone. A tan arm, decorated in silver scars, was wrapped securely around the man’s chest from behind. A head of tawny curls hidden and buried against Sirius’ own dark hair.
Lily closed the curtain and stumbled back, swallowing a cry of shock. Or maybe a cry of horror.
Black had indeed spent the night with another conquest but he hadn’t needed to worry about sneaking back into the common room. Not when all he had to do was walk a few steps across his dorm floor.
In a fog—feeling like she had left her body entirely—Lily walked around to the other side of the bed and raised her voice slightly from outside the closed curtain.
“Remus?” She winced when her voice cracked. “We’re needed downstairs. Emergency prefect meeting.”
There was a surprised grunt followed by a rustle and her friend peaked his head out from the bed curtain with sleepy eyes, squinting in disbelief.
“Wha– Lily? ”
She averted her gaze, studiously ignoring his bare chest, feeling her face heat in embarrassment. Thank Merlin for the dark room. “Meet me downstairs, yeah?”
He nodded in understanding and closed the curtain again. Lily began to make her way back out the door but not before she heard a quiet ‘Moony?’ coming from a voice that was distinctly not Remus’ own, followed by his soft reply.
She flew down the stairs after waking Kingsley (thankfully without any earth shattering surprises) and sat in the common room tapping her foot impatiently.
Sirius fucking Black?
Lily choked on a hysterical laugh threatening to bubble up out of her chest. This was the person that Remus was happy with. Had been for over eight entire months. A bloke who had supposedly slept through the majority of the older female population at Hogwarts, a new bed or broom cupboard a week. It didn’t make sense.
Remus appeared from upstairs, straightening his hastily thrown on clothes, attempting to arrange his curls mussed from sleep. Lily had never been more grateful to be thrown into prefect work, needing a distraction to hide her new discomfort around her best friend.
Lily would never admit it, even under a hearty dose of Veritaserum, but she was avoiding a certain Welsh lad. But only because she was terrified of blurting out her complete disbelief, paired with several choice obscenities, at his dismal choice of a romantic partner. The avoidance was for his own safety, really. Because all she could think was that her friend had fallen for a pretty boy.
Lily would admit that her glares towards the raven-haired Gryffindor had increased tenfold since the uncomfortable discovery of finding him in her best friend’s bed. She didn’t understand. Black was obnoxious and arrogant. Sure, he might have denounced his family’s emphasis on blood supremacy. But he was still a Black and growing up in a family like that left impressions, had certain expectations. Perhaps it was an ultimate act of rebellion, hooking up with a half-blooded werewolf. Taking advantage of Remus’ kind and soft demeanor to make a point.
So Lily avoided her friend and scowled at Black, hoping that maybe she was mistaken. The four boys were always together and any evidence of a possible relationship between the two Gryffindors was difficult to spot. Each of the Marauders were overly touchy, always jumping over each other, invading personal space. But maybe Sirius was more attentive with Remus, more intentional with his affection. She narrowed her eyes when he sat a bit too close to her friend during meals, scoffed when he kicked his legs up in the other’s lap while reading in the common room. Was Remus really stupid enough to be bewitched by something as shallow as an attractive face? Apparently so.
“Alright, Lils? Haven’t seen you in a bit.”
She blinked up over her potions textbook, vision blurry from reading, and softened at the concerned expression on Remus Lupin’s face. “Hi, Rem. Sorry, been a bit swamped.”
He groaned in agreement and collapsed back into the chair next to her, arranging his long limbs underneath the library table. His bookbag was dumped out across the surface and he fished out a roll of parchment. “This term is bloody brutal. Two scrolls on Gregory the Great? For fuck’s sake.”
Her chest warmed and she let out a laugh, realizing that she’d missed her dear friend. “Pretty sure it’s actually supposed to be about Gregory the Magnificent,” she corrected apologetically. His expression of complete dismay sent her into a round of laughter, which she attempted to muffle behind her large stack of books to avoid the wrath of a stern librarian. They easily fell back into their usual banter, the sound of quills scratching on parchment filling the occasional comfortable silence.
She snuck a glimpse of her friend across the table and studied his downturned face, the slope of his nose, the light scar along the corner of his mouth.
“Moon go alright?” she asked quietly. The full had been two days ago and she knew that it took a lasting toil on the werewolf.
Amber eyes flicked up and she received a relaxed grin. “Yeah. Cheers. As good as it can.”
She smiled back and returned her attention to her essay. She’d learned over time that Remus despised anything resembling pity, even simple signs of concern if they were expressed too heavily. Treating it lightly was always best. “I’m glad.”
He hummed in agreement, crossing out a long paragraph on the parchment in front of him. Lily realized with a jolt that it was written in an elegant cursive, incredibly different from the werewolf’s own scratchy handwriting. Editing Black’s homework. She pursed her lips, trying to ignore the irritation kindling in her gut.
“Rem?”
He gave another hum, this time in question, and blinked up at her with a kind smile.
“What’s your relationship like?”
Both of his eyebrows raised at the question but he sat up and gave her his complete attention. “What do you mean?”
Lily shifted in her seat and waved her hand in exasperation. “I’m just curious. You never talk about it. You mentioned it wasn’t casual, but what is it like? What’s he like?” Remus frowned and gave her a guarded look. “I’m not asking you to tell me who,” she sniffed, looking back at her essay. She dimly noticed she’d mistaken dried moonstone for raw and made the necessary edit, ears pricked for her friend’s response.
She heard Remus clear his throat. “Well,” he began slowly. “Like you already know, it isn’t casual. We’re exclusive, yeah? Committed to one another.” If she wasn’t dying from the dreadful knowledge that he was speaking about Black, Lily might’ve found it funny at how truly painful it was for Remus to talk about his feelings. “And,” She looked up when her friend paused and watched his face scrunch in thought, pondering how to describe his boyfriend. “He believes in things really strongly. So, passionate, I suppose you could say. Creative. And he’s caring. Very caring.”
Lily was extremely proud that she was able to resist making a large snort of disbelief. “And you’re happy with the person you’re seeing?”
“Well considering I'm still with the lad after this long, yes. I would say so,” Remus muttered dryly.
She ignored his snark and fixed him with a stern look in return. “I care about you. I worry about you being with someone who isn’t willing to be open about it.”
“He’s not ashamed, Lily.” Unlike her snort, she apparently couldn’t hide her expression of doubt. “He’s not. And even if he was never able to go public, it’d be worth it.”
The self-deprecating bastard. “How can you say that?”
Remus released a large huff, his tone suggesting that she was an absolute idiot and went back to his work. “Because I love him.”
Lily blinked, wanting to fall out of her chair at how casually he’d confessed his love, like commenting on the bloody weather. But she schooled her reaction to the news. “Does he love you too?”
“Yes.” He crossed out another section of writing and wrote down some edits along the edge of the parchment. “Very much. More than anyone ever has.”
The confidence in Remus’ voice was unsettling, and Lily left the conversation burning with more questions and feeling truly baffled. Because Remus was smart. The boy was always quick to call people out on their shite. If he believed that his boyfriend loved him it was either true or he had become completely blinded by whatever charming words Black tossed his way.
Lily had bitten her tongue long enough, to the point where she worried she was at risk of losing the appendage. Her body was vibrating, a desperate need to blurt out her concern to her friend. Every moment she spent with Remus was painful, anxiety tightening her chest. But she needed to confront him, or at the very least have an honest talk.
The opportunity came on the day of a Gryffindor versus Hufflepuff match. Students emptied out towards the Quidditch pitch, dressed in an assortment of House pride, and she keyed in on Remus making himself at home on one of the soft armchairs in the corner of the common room with a book in hand, taking advantage of the space. She stalked over towards Remus and jabbed a finger at the unsuspecting lad.
“We need to talk.”
He cocked an eyebrow and slowly slid his book to the side, marking the page with his finger. Pride and Prejudice, she absently noted. Merlin, she loved this man.
She glanced around to make sure they weren’t overheard but the room was blissfully empty. “Are you really dating Black?” She hissed quietly. Remus widened his eyes but didn’t say anything. Maybe her question had rendered him speechless. “You aren’t even going to deny it,” she stated in disbelief and sank into the seat across from him.
He sighed and leaned his head into his hands. “Should’ve known you wouldn’t let it go,” Remus muttered under his breath. “How did you find out?”
“I saw him in your bed. When I went to get you early for that meeting,” Lily admitted with a flush and looked down at her lap. Remus sighed again and picked his book back up.
“Remus.”
“What, Lily?” His usual warm and gentle voice was lowered in warning. She faltered and picked at her nails, a bad habit when dealing with stress. He looked up at the sound and frowned, flicking his eyes up to meet her own.
“I–,” she chewed on her lip, wanting to be kind while also needing to voice her fear. “It makes me worried.”
“It’s really not your business, is it?”
She winced, acknowledging that Remus was already defensive. She wasn’t looking for a fight. “No,” she agreed. “But you’re my best friend. And I hope you’d do the same for me if you thought I was being taken advantage of.”
“Sure,” he warily agreed. “But I’m not being taken advantage of.”
“He’s a Black, Rem–”
Remus sat up to his full height and clenched his jaw. “I know how you feel about my friends, Lily. You already don’t like him. Maybe that was why I didn’t tell you after all these months.”
That was painful. Lily curled in on herself, shocked at her friend’s harsh tone. “But he’s a slag,” she whispered weakly in protest.
Remus slammed his book shut and fixed Lily with a fierce glare. “You don’t know him. At all. You only know him based on the assumptions you’ve made. The assumptions he’s had to deal with people making his entire life. But you don’t know him like I do.”
“I just don’t want you to get hurt.” Lily felt tears pickling at the corner of her eyes, threatening to spill over, and scrubbed at her face in frustration.
He stood and stiffly collected his belongings. “I don’t have to worry about him hurting me. Keep your judgments to yourself.” She blinked back more tears as she watched Remus storm off in an angry huff.
As previously acknowledged, Lily was clever. And that meant she was painfully aware that she had throughly fucked things up with Remus. She gave the boy space over the next week, knowing he’d need time to cool down and process before she offered a heartfelt apology (or several).
Lily tried to view Black through fresh eyes for the sake of her friend. It was difficult when she heard continuous girls boasting about their recent evening with the Pureblood, raving about his sensual touches and silky words. And the crowd that always seemed to follow the Marauders was also hard to ignore, sending flirtatious looks and comments towards the young man.
But Lily realized, in her attempt at a new perspective, that Sirius never engaged, did he? He was charming, of course, but always quick to shut down any further conversation and turn his attention back towards his mates. It seemed like cocky arrogance, a man used to the attention and thrill in providing a bit of a chase. But perhaps, possibly, it was a lack of honest interest. And maybe she wasn’t imagining the way Black’s face lit up whenever he spotted Remus entering a room.
She trudged up the long staircase towards the common room and groaned at the painful kink in her neck. She’d fallen asleep in an empty classroom doing revision, the desk not offering any semblance of support. It was around 1 am and Lily sent out a silent thanks for the prefect badge pinned to her chest preventing any punishment if she was found wandering.
Lily woke up the Fat Lady, provided the password (gobblestones), and climbed through the portrait hole. She paused in the entryway when she noticed she wasn’t the only Gryffindor awake at the late hour, eyes widening at the sight.
The common room was lit by one low fire, the orange light casting a warm flickering glow and highlighting the couple curled up on one of the plush sofas. Remus was smiling, his face an expression of absolute adoration. He was looking down at his lap, running a hand through long ink black hair spread across his legs.
And Black. He looked soft, not an ounce of indifference or haughtiness apparent on any of his features, a light flush gracing his cheekbones. They were both laughing softly, lost in each other, and Lily watched as Sirius placed a gentle hand against Remus’ jaw, the young werewolf turning to plant a sneaky kiss against the pale palm.
The portrait door slammed shut announcing her arrival and the sweet scene was immediately shattered. Sirius quickly sat up to lounge back on the other end of the sofa with his feet propped in the other boy’s lap, instantly oozing a causal air of indifference, his typical smirk back on his mouth. Remus became more reserved, withdrawing the endless emotion on his face and fading to a more neutral air.
“Cheers, Evans,” Sirius called with a grin. “Out past curfew, are we?”
Remus avoided Lily and instead directed his focus towards his boyfriend. “She knows,” he whispered quietly. Grey eyes widened and Sirius gave Lily a guarded look, his posture stiffening in defense. “She won’t tell anyone.”
“I won't,” Lily quietly agreed. “Not if you don’t want people to know.” She realized then with a start that Sirius Black was scared , the fear expertly hidden behind a mask, but evident in the way he curled in on himself. He gave her a short nod and looked away towards the fire, his jaw clenched tight.
“Rem—“
“Good night, Lily.”
She deflated at the obvious dismissal and the way that her friend couldn’t stand to look at her. Lily mumbled a quiet good night and started up the stairs to her dorm, trying to ignore the frantic whispers and calm reassurances she left behind.
The next afternoon was an unusually sunny day in Scotland and Hogwarts students were eagerly soaking up the warm rays outside on the grounds. Lily was absorbed in a new novel, relaxing against a stone wall, when she was suddenly joined by another person. She glanced over to see Sirius Black settling down in the grass beside her, his usual mates nowhere to be found.
“Hello, Evans.” He leaned back on his palms and considerately stamped out his cigarette. “Moony misses you.”
She raised an eyebrow in reply. “He’s quite upset with me, actually.”
“True,” Sirius acknowledged with a casual shrug. “But he still misses you. Complex bloke, isn’t he?”
He relaxed back against the stone wall and closed his eyes, face up towards the sun, a picture of complete serenity. His shirt was unbuttoned to a point that bordered on indecency, tie completely undone and hanging from his neck. Lily regarded the boy warily, waiting for him to get to whatever he was hoping to accomplish. Likely there with a threat not to disclose his secret relationship. She’d been waiting for something similar to happen ever since she’d walked in on the couple in the common room.
But apparently Sirius Black was full of surprises.
“You don’t like that Remus is with me.” He stated it simply, not as a question, all while continuing to sunbathe with his eyes closed.
“I don’t think I understand it,” she swerved, not wanting to get into her feelings for the Pureblood. Lily pretended to focus back on her book, hoping that was the end of the conversation.
“What don’t you understand?”
Lily glanced back up and saw Sirius peering at her with a slight frown.
“Well I didn’t realize you liked blokes for one thing,” she fired back.
That felt like a safer topic to navigate. But apparently that seemed like a hard one for Sirius because he looked away quickly and shifted uncomfortably on the grass. A disorienting movement from the typically self-assured boy.
“People can’t know," he whispered softly, looking out at the lake. “My family, if they heard that their heir wasn’t going to ever provide them with any children?” He fixed Lily with a sudden fiery gaze, awfully unsettling in his cool grey eyes. “They’d resort to violence. Towards me, of course, but that’s nothing new. I’m worried about what they’d do to the person I love.”
Oh.
Lily hadn’t even considered that. “You’re protecting him," she said softly in dawning understanding.
“I will always protect Remus. Until the day I die.”
She believed him. It was hard not to, the words spoken with such intensity. Concern settled over her at the casual disclosure that Sirius was a victim of violence at the hands of his family, desensitized, and she felt a sharp pang of sympathy directed towards the boy.
“What about all those girls?” she inquired quietly.
She jumped at his sudden loud bark of humorless laughter, her head giving a solid smack on the wall. Sirius ran a hand through his hair, an anxious gesture. “Rumors. Ones that I don’t bother to deny. Makes it easier to hide, doesn’t it?”
“None of it is true?” Lily forced herself to hold his gaze, despite the discomfort prickling across her skin.
“None.” Sirius looked honest, almost like he was pleading for her to understand. “It’s always only been Moony. Always will be.”
She realized then that Remus was right. She didn’t know Sirius Black at all.
“I won’t tell,” she repeated.
“I know. I trust you, Evans.” Sirius flashed her a soft smile, an expression she’d never seen on his face before. “When it comes to Moony, I know you’d protect him too. And I’m grateful he has you looking out for him. Stubborn bastard.”
She finally pulled her eyes away from the intense stare and looked down at her book. Remus definitely deserved an apology.
“Did he tell you how we ended up together?”
Lily snapped her head back up, bewildered at the openness and joy spreading on Sirius’ face. She slowly shook her head.
Sirius released a bright and breathless laugh before sprawling back to lounge in the grass. “Well it’s quite the tale. Listen closely, Evans,” he drawled and waved his hands dramatically in the air. He snuck a peek to make sure he had her full attention before diving into his grand retelling. “He told me he was gay at the beginning of last term and I just about lost it. Went utterly mad. You see, I’d fancied him since first year–”
Lily sucked in a surprised breath and felt her eyes widen comically.
“Mhm.” His eyes twinkled and, oh, Lily could understand what everyone in the castle saw in this boy.
He carried on, thrilled with his eager audience. “But last year I was too nervous to say anything. Just because he admitted to being gay, it didn’t mean he liked me back, right? Didn’t want to muck up our friendship. But I’d already spent four years in love with the bloke and knowing that it could be possible was absolute torture.”
Sirius sent her an exasperated look and she couldn’t help the giggle that slipped from her mouth. She clamped her lips shut and gestured for him to continue.
“All last year I was trying to summon the bloody courage. Some Gryffindor I am.” He let out a rather elegant snort. “But Remus saw right through me. He finally grew tired of my pitiful pining and cornered me in our dorm. Told me he’d waited long enough for me to pull it together. And then he kissed me.” He laughed fondly. “Called me an idiot. Merlin. It was everything.”
Lily gaped at the Pureblood in amazement. “You really do love him.”
He raised himself up on his elbows and waved a dismissive hand. “Of course I do. He’s Moony.”
A swirl of guilt worked its way through her body and she grimaced. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “For assuming all those things about you were true.”
“It’s alright, Evans.” Sirius fixed her with a sad smile. “Like I said, it’s easier if people believe it.”
“Well.” She sat up straight and narrowed her gaze at her best friend’s boyfriend. “I believe it’s time I get to know the real you, yeah?”
He hummed in agreement and narrowed his eyes back, teasingly. “I believe we should be on a first name basis. What do you say?”
She feigned a grimace and he let out a quick burst of laughter, falling onto his side in a graceful sprawl. Lily couldn’t help her incredulous stare at the boy, currently shaking with snickers, thinking that their time together was rather pleasant.
“Alright,” she relented. “Nice talking with you, Sirius.”
“And you, Lily,” he praised, sitting up and dipping his head with a regal nod. “Now you better talk with Moony, he’s been fucking unbearable.”
Lily winced at the reminder, curling in on herself. “I know,” she admitted weakly. “I will.”
“But wait until it’s closer to the new moon.” Sirius glanced down at his wrist. “It’s next week. Give it a shot then, yeah? Much less likely to bite your head off,” he added with a knowing look.
Lily followed his gaze down towards his arm and blinked at the lunar calendar printed on his skin. Merlin, she really did not know Sirius Black. She chimed her understanding, promising to speak with her best friend.
The boy gave a pleased grunt before his face transformed into a wicked smile. “Now that you’ve gotten to know me, do you think you’re up for trying to know James too?”
She let out a loud groan, knowing that the obnoxious Black was bound to make an appearance again at some point.
“Sorry a bloke's gotta try,” he shot back unapologetically and hopped to his feet. “Wouldn’t be his best mate if I didn’t.” He dusted the grass off his trousers, gave a cheeky wink, turned to head back to the castle with a Sirius Black grin.
Lily hated to admit it, but she took Sirius’ advice and waited until early the following week to give Remus his well deserved apology. They were conveniently scheduled for prefect rounds together that Tuesday night and she waited impatiently for the boy to arrive. He slunk out of the portrait hall right as the bells chimed the late hour and fixed her with a resigned look.
“If we split up we can get done faster,” he intoned dully and started off towards the dungeons.
She scrambled to catch up, mentally cursing his long legs, and reached his side with a quick gasp. “Rem, wait. Please.”
Despite his anger Remus was a kind person and he slowed his hurried steps, allowing Lily to walk alongside him. His mouth was pressed in a thin line, eyes fixed stubbornly ahead as they made their way down the staircase.
“I spoke with Sirius–” Lily began, rather frantically, but was cut off by a snort.
“He’s 'Sirius’ now, is he?”
She sighed, deserving the clipped response. “I’m sorry, Rem. You were right. I don’t know him.”
They descended the last step and walked into the cool and dark corridor of the dungeons, their footsteps echoing off the stone floors. Remus’ brow was furrowed, listening to her attentively, but still refusing to look at her.
She continued on, wanting to make sure her best friend understood. “I should have trusted you to make your own decisions. That wasn’t fair of me. And it wasn’t fair to judge Sirius based on assumptions.”
Her companion lurched to a sudden stop and Lily stumbled forward a few more steps before turning around to face him. Remus was looking at her in disbelief. “What did he say to you?” His question wasn’t accusing, merely spoken from a place of extreme confusion.
“He told me why it has to be secret,” Lily recalled. “About the rumors, needing to protect you.” She received a few blinks in response and she offered a tentative smile. “And how you two ended up together.”
Remus slowly shook his head and cocked an eyebrow. “Long conversation, was it?”
She shrugged. “It was nice,” she admitted quietly. “I think I understand now. I can see how much he cares about you.”
Lily hadn’t realized how much tension her friend had been holding until he suddenly released it with a sigh, his body slumping with relief. She took a hesitant step forward, her heart giving a painful tug. “I missed you, Rem.”
A low groan echoed from the werewolf and he fixed her with an exasperated grin. “Come here, then.” He opened his arms and Lily eagerly accepted the invitation, wrapping her arms securely around his waist. She felt his own warm arms envelope her in a crushing hug, his face pressed against the top of her head. “I missed you too,” he whispered softly. Lily stealthy wiped her wet eyes against his chest with a sniff.
After a moment they pulled away, both bright eyed and taking a brief pause to collect themselves, before starting off down the hall again. Lily felt lighter, grateful to have her friend back and even more thankful that he’d accepted her sincere apology. She flashed him a happy smile and thrilled when she got one in return.
“So,” she trilled, after docking House points and sending two fourth year Slytherins back to their dorm. “He fancied you since first year?”
Remus let out a surprised laugh and shook his head. “Idiot,” he agreed fondly, a warm smile on his lips. They trekked their way back towards the Gryffindor common room, finished with rounds, and he gave Lily a light nudge with his elbow. “I do realize that he’s an obnoxious git, you know.”
It was Lily’s turn to let out a surprised laugh and she raised her eyebrows in question. “Oh?” They stood at the base of their respective stairs and Remus let out a soft sigh.
“Yeah. But I love him for it.”
She watched Remus head up the stairs to his dorm, committing his warm smile to memory.