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Jiro was busy. He had other things to do, a partner to take care of, homework to finish.
Saburo wasn't exactly the best at the physical jobs.
Mika was no longer really part of the Yamada bros' business, only putting his hands into jobs when they needed another perspective on something weird. Plus, he wasn't about to be a bodyguard any time soon.
And so this job fell to Ichiro. The three of them had reminded Ichiro over and over not to get too close to Arashi, not to let himself spend too much time with her alone. That seemed odd, it always did, but Ichiro was much more the type to do his own digging and figure out why they were so adamant about distance while still keeping her around.
He was driving her home after a shoot - apparently they'd been doing that for nearing a year, just in case. Nothing had really ever happened to her but they still always made sure to go with her on jobs where she wasn't with her other model friends. That's what he gathered, at least. He definitely wasn't the type to let a girl go anywhere possibly dangerous on her own, so he piped in and volunteered immediately upon Jiro and Saburo arguing about it.
"So..." Ichiro knew to keep quiet, but the silence beyond the radio was stifling. "I have a weird question, if that's cool?"
It was weird.
Pretending that nothing at all had happened between them. Pretending that they were just two people who knew each other through a mutual friend and not that they had dated for nearly half of a year. Pretending that all of this was normal, and that they were supposed to just continue life as normal. Like two strangers who had barely met instead of two past lovers with a catalogue of history.
Arashi wished that she could say that it didn't eat away at her.
She had spent so many nights wishing that he'd just left her alone after she broke it off. So many nights ignoring texts and silencing phone calls, losing herself to whoever would look at her in an effort to forget about the man she would rather hurt than subject to the thunderstorm that was her emotions to. So many nights she wished that he would find someone else to attach himself to and forget about her, like he should have so long ago. But now that Ichiro had forgotten about her, and everything that they'd gone through together... it hurt her more than she wished it would have. So much so that she'd cried about it to Izumi at least once, and to herself about it more than once.
It hurt having to step around it.
It hurt having to pretend that the last handful of months of her life hadn't happened.
It hurt even more to have him ripped away and deposited back, void of memories of her, just when she'd actively decided to attempt to repair the relationship that she'd left in shambles.
But here she was. In the passenger seat of Ichiro's car, pretending. Hating that the feeling of him picking her up still made her feel safe, and hating that she couldn't properly explain why to the man sitting next to her. She'd opted to thumb through her phone to keep herself busy, but the sound of Ichiro's voice startled her out of her mindless scrolling.
"Hm?" Arashi hummed, picking her head up to give him her full attention. "Sure. What's up?"
He gripped the steering wheel as he put his foot on the brake, spending an extra moment stopped at the corner he was turning on. Ichiro wasn't sure how to ask, or where to start, or if it was worth it to break his brothers' trust.
But he needed to find out for himself, and no one was willing to tell him, so this was all he had left to do.
"Were you and I... together? At one point?" He wasn't certain. He knew that the boys would exchange a look when he spoke about her, and he'd been blatantly told to avoid her at first. He assumed something weird happened, that he said something stupid, but the fact they were still so close to her made him wonder.
Then there was his relationship with Kuko. He came back assuming they'd be together, as the last thing he remembered was confessing his feelings. But apparently Kuko had been dumped somewhere along the way, and he couldn't think of a reason to do that. Other than the fact his heart raced when he looked at this girl, blinking at him cutely from the passenger seat.
"I mean, you're... way out of my league, but I can't shake the feeling that's what everyone's hiding from me. Sorry if it's weird, I just can't figure it out."
Ah.
There went any semblance of a smile, dropped and lost like a fast food french fry between the seats.
Arashi returned her gaze to her lap, mentally sorting for the words to say. Of course he was due to ask at some point. Especially with the way she was certain that his little brothers whispered when she was around, or even the way that Mika shied away from any conversation that involved her when Ichiro mentioned her. He wasn't the type to let things like that lie forever. She couldn't blame him for wanting to find out, but... he'd already figured it out already. There wasn't any point in skirting around it anymore, was there? Her grip on her phone tightened; not out of fear or anger, but so as to busy her hand with something.
"... Yeah, we were." She tried to hide the sigh that came with the admittance of the truth. "For almost six months."
We would have made it to half of a year if I wasn't an asshole to you.
"I'm sorry we've been sort of... talking around it. I think that it's just... none of us really knew how to bring it up."
"...damn, that's a long time." He finally started driving again as someone pulled up behind him, though now he wasn't sure he could keep his focus the same way. There was something so tragic and so cruel about just losing that amount of memory, but the fact that there was a legitimate love there ached in a way he didn't understand.
Most people weren't around for six months. From what he learned, he'd been close to Mika for damn near a year, which meant she was likely there the whole time - he felt so exposed to a person he hardly knew.
But it made everything make sense. There was just one last thing he was still confused about.
"Did I leave while we were together, or..." No, that wouldn't make sense. Not with the way they were so adamant about their separation. "Did I push you away before then?"
Yeah. Yeah, it was a long time. A long time that she'd thrown away because she was scared of an idea that she'd planted in her mind out of nearly nowhere . Nearly six months of love that she'd abandoned because of a fleeting thought.
Though she knew, in her heart, that it was about more than that. It was more than her fear of commitment that had her pushing him away. The longer she talked about it with the doctor, the more she uncovered -- but she wasn't quite sure that he was ready to hear about any of that yet. That was a conversation for when they relearned each other. Which was not right now, thank God, because she had no idea how to touch on most of it.
"No, no." She forced a little laugh, awkward and nervous and nearly pained. "... I pushed you away, actually. ... I'm sorry."
"Oh, I mean. It's fine, since I don't remember." Ichiro smiled sadly, drumming his fingers onto the wheel to the beat of the song he could barely hear. "I just wanted to apologize for making things weird if I did that thing where I don't talk about things, you know?"
He took one last turn, putting the car in park in front of the house she lived in. He looked up at it, wondering if there was a time he didn't need the car's GPS to get him there.
"Because they keep telling me not to talk to you, and that it would be bad news, and I figured I had to really mess it up." He shouldn't have admitted that to her out loud, and he knew that, but she was part of it. She deserved to know what they were saying. "I don't want things to be weird anymore. I know how much you mean to Mika, and I already feel like he's my family now not even knowing him all that well yet. I want to fix it if I can. Like a do-over."
Aha...
It really was just like him to think that he had been the problem, wasn't it? He always had. Despite their numerous fights, Ichiro had always found a way to assume that it had to have been something that he had done -- that there was no way that any of Arashi's actions were actually her fault, but that he must have done something to provoke her in order for her to act a certain way. He really was such a sweetheart. A sweetheart that still really, really didn't deserve an absolute mess of a human being like herself.
Arashi rolled her bottom lip between her teeth. If it had been just a month or two ago, she would have cut their conversation short in favor of returning to her bedroom in silence, hoping to silence her phone for long enough that he'd get tired of bothering her again. But now she simply drummed the pads of her fingers on her lap, searching yet again for what to say.
"You didn't do anything at all, I promise you." She sighed. "And... honestly, before you left, we had just started to try and fix things. Like, just started. I think that's part of why it's weird, too. ... But I don't want it to be weird anymore either, if that helps."
"I know I didn't date you, but I think I would've liked to fix things. If only for Mika because he's been through way too much. So if you don't mind, can I forgive you for whatever it was?" He wasn't sure if he was supposed to undo his seat belt and walk her in after a conversation like this, but Ichiro didn't want it to end, either. They had a lot more to talk about and he was glad she wasn't already rushing out.
"Would that help?" He finally looked at her, really looked at her, and something in him hurt even worse. Ichiro couldn't put his finger on it, but he didn't want to look away, either.
Could he forgive her for what she'd done? That was what they had been working toward, wasn't it? Forgiving and forgetting, coming to compromises, letting everything be as it was and starting fresh. Relearning each other, getting to know each other better outside their constant ooh-ing and aww-ing that everyone within a ten mile radius found themselves heaving over whenever they were around. That was, ultimately, their goal. But there were some things that she knew he wouldn't be able to forgive her for. Things that he likely shouldn't forgive her for, and things that he had forgiven her for that irked her.
"It's a little bit more complicated than that, I think." It wasn't worth the issues that would come if she were to just agree to the idea. "It wasn't just one thing. It was... a lot of things, honestly. It wasn't like a whole... 'got mad at you one day and left you irrationally' kind of deal."
Yeah, that would make sense. Ichiro probably would've tried that approach already. In fact, it would probably be the first thing he did - after figuring out why whatever happened happened .
But it would stay a mystery. He couldn't imagine anything she did would've ever been abusive or toxic, not with the way she carried herself or the company she kept, but it wasn't completely out of the realm of possibility. Ichiro knew he had his own demons - maybe she did, too.
"I guess it wouldn't be so easy, would it?" Not that he was convinced he didn't do something , too. He'd probably hid so much from her it drove her insane or something like that. But it wasn't fair to press too many scenarios on her, not when he didn't have the full picture.
"I wish it was, but..." Arashi sighed. If only they were able to forgive and forget so easily. If only life were that simple. But asking him to unknowingly forgive her for all of the times she pushed him away with her own irrational thoughts, and for the fact that she'd punched him over her dear friend's incestuous relationship, among numerous other things... it wasn't fair to him. Allowing him to forgive the things that had happened between them without being aware of what they even were was more than wrong.
They'd have to make up naturally. Step by step. As they'd intended to before the world had so cruelly separated them in the midst of their attempt.
"I'm sorry for bringing this up. I know you just wanted to go home."
"No, no, it's okay. Really. I knew that we were going to have to have a conversation about this sooner or later. It just turns out that it was sooner rather than later, you know?" She offered up a sad smile. "You don't have to apologize. It's just... something that requires a little bit more than one conversation on the way back from a shoot. That's all."
"Yeah, I guess so. We'll have to make a day." Not that right now didn't feel like the right time to him. But it wasn't fair to spring on her. He might've been curious, but she could still be healing the same way everyone else was now that Ichiro was back with no memories of half of his new friends.
He might've had a crush on her, but she might have been in love with him. The thought made him blush despite himself, and he shrugged as though he hadn't just reached the realization. "Let me know when you're free, okay? I really want to make it right. Whatever it is."
Ichiro paused, not sure if he should say anything else or not. Unfortunately the fact he'd regret saying nothing if he left again made him a little too brave. "I know I'm not the same me you knew, and I don't want to make you uncomfortable, but I think you're really cool. So. If you want to do dinner or something, I don’t know."
Damn it, hopefully he was better at this six months ago…
Making a day of it seemed like the best course of action to take. At least she could properly prepare herself that way; get every single duck in a row and try to not-literally draw up a map of the relationship that they'd once shared. She could properly pre-steel herself for his reactions to the things that they'd fought over (namely the Sakumas) and prepare herself for the reactions he'd have to other things (like being broken up with at Mika's wedding, of all places.) It really would take more than just a half hour long conversation sitting outside of her house. Arashi nearly considered, for a split second, arming herself with snacks on their chosen day to demonstrate just how long it really would take.
"I have another shoot later in the week, but I'm free otherwise, so... we can plan around that and your jobs, maybe?" She hummed in thought, knowing damn well that most things could likely be shifted from himself to one of the littler brothers in the event that Ichiro had planned something. But she didn't want to not include the possibility of him potentially having something to do. That would... probably be rude.
The proposition, however, gave her pause -- almost immediately, she could feel her stomach tighten, and she wasn't necessarily sure if it was in a positive or negative way. He was sweet. He was so sweet . He was always sweet.
"Oh, and I think you're cool, too." She laughed a little, awkwardly squeezing her phone in her grip. "I might have to check with my boyfriend, though."
Not because she thought Izumi would care about her getting dinner with another man. In fact, she had a feeling he'd be more upset about her caloric intake as a result of said dinner rather than her sharing a table with someone else. She did, however, think that he may have a problem with the man in question being Ichiro.