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Trent picked up his phone, unlocked it, stared at the screen then put it face down on his desk. As he took his hand away, another thought occurred to him and he picked up again but didn’t get as far as unlocking it. He placed it face down, picked up a pen and stared at the wall instead.
‘Hey, T-dog.’
Trent turned towards Ted through the open door with what he hoped was a friendly smile, squashing down his need to throw his phone at the wall and watch it explode into a thousand pieces.
‘What can I do for you, Ted?’ he said, more professionally than he felt.
‘You ok there? You seem mighty stressed ‘bout something.’
‘Yes, no, yes, I’m fine,’ Trent replied with little clarity and even less sincerity.
‘You got something on your mind? Cos I might know a little bunch who could help you…’ Ted’s smile was wide and encouraging and Trent had to close his eyes for a second just to stop the magnetic pull of it. If he gave in, he might find he had thrown himself into Ted’s comforting arms and consequences be damned. When he opened his eyes again, Ted was still watching him with the same welcoming, concerned expression. Trent took a deep breath in. Perhaps what he needed was an outside opinion. He stood up, ignoring the little flip in his stomach when he saw how happy that made Ted.
‘Come in, take a pew.’ Ted swept his hand across the office and Trent perched his backside on the usual unit. ‘Just give me a sec to round everyone up.’ He pressed a speed dial on his phone at the same time as whistling through his teeth. Coach Beard, who had been writing strategy on the whiteboard in the locker room, looked up and, at the jerk of Ted’s head, put down his marker and came into the office.
‘Hey, Higginbottom,’ Ted said into his phone as Beard nodded at Trent, took his seat and swung his legs on to the desk. ‘DDs, my office, no hurry. What am I saying? Get your fine behind down here right now.'
Trent swallowed nervously. He had never brought his own dilemma to a Diamond Dogs meeting and now it suddenly felt very exposing. He smiled awkwardly at Ted who returned it with warm eyes.
‘I know what you’re thinking.’
‘You do?’ Trent hoped fervently that Ted didn’t have any actual mind-reading skills, otherwise he might have some extra explaining to do.
‘You’re thinking, oh no, what have I done? How do I spill my guts to these guys? But deep down you know we’re all rooting for you. We’re curious, not judgemental, remember? We’re here for you, buddy.’
This time it was harder for Trent to swallow. He cursed the lump that had suddenly appeared in his throat at how easily Ted made him feel part of the group, welcome and accepted in a way that had been rare through his life. He was stopped from an embarrassing rush of emotion by the arrival of a slightly red-faced Leslie.
‘The Diamond Dogs are in session.’ Ted threw back his head and howled as Beard did the same. Higgins’ lesser howl was followed by some panting. Trent still hadn’t become entirely comfortable with it yet and gave a soft woof, self-conscious both of his inability to let go and of the rapidly approaching confession. Supposing they thought his dilemma was silly and inconsequential? Was he being a drama queen for no reason? He looked at the assembled men and realised they were all waiting for him. He cleared his throat.
‘Yes, well. The thing is, I, well, against my better judgement, I joined Bantr.’ He looked up to see Higgins nodding, Beard giving him a slow blink that seemed to stand in for a nod and Ted grinning at him encouragingly.
‘Good for you, get out on that horse I say.’
Trent tipped his head towards Ted.
‘Thank you, yes. I thought, after my divorce and everything, it was time I started lightly dating.’
‘Lightly dating,’ Ted repeated softly with a smile. ‘I like that. You have such a way with words, Trent Crimm, hoping-to-not-be-romantically-independent.’
Trent acknowledged him again with a nod.
‘Trouble is, I hate it. And what I hate most is this thing, ‘ghosting’? You start a conversation with someone and it all seems great and you have things in common and then they just disappear. And there’s not much you can do. Sending more than one ‘are you ok?’ message doesn’t appear to be the done thing, neither does ‘what did I say?’. It’s humiliating, frustrating and several other present participles.’
He glanced round at the assembled Dogs and realised that none of them had used dating apps as far as he could tell.
‘Well that’s just darn rude,’ Ted interjected to the muttered agreement of the other two.
‘But,’ Trent took a deep breath. ‘That’s not the bit that I’m having a dilemma with.’
It was almost imperceptible but the three listeners seemed to lean in at Trent’s quiet admission.
‘I did get a date out of it and I had a nice time but not nice enough to do it again and now I don’t know how to communicate that. My mastery of words escapes me every time I start to write a message and I’m wondering if the reason people ghost is because it’s a lot easier than trying to explain that you don’t like someone enough for a repeat performance.’
Three understanding faces looked back contemplatively.
‘That would be an awful thing to do, wouldn’t it?’ Trent went on. ‘Cowardly. And yet, if that’s the way it’s done… maybe I wouldn’t stand out and I could just slip away quietly without having to confront anyone with the knowledge that they’ve been rejected?’
‘The thing is, Trent,’ Higgins began. ‘I’ve brought up five boys by teaching them that just because someone else behaves badly that doesn’t mean you have to do it too. You know it’s frustrating, it’s probably not fair to inflict that on your date.’
Beard pointed silently at Leslie. All eyes swung to Ted.
‘I agree, apple tree.’ Ted looked up at Trent with his soft brown eyes. ‘Treat others as you wish to be treated, even if it’s hard for you. This young lady, whatever she doesn’t have that you need, she’s still a person who deserves to be treated respectfully.’
Beard’s finger changed direction to point at Ted.
‘He,’ Trent mumbled, unable to stop the blush creeping up from under his collar. He had long ago decided that coming out repeatedly was exhausting and that from now on he would just drop the correct pronouns into the conversation when necessary and let his audience catch up. This time he wasn’t sure he could bear to watch the quick recalibration that people usually performed. He stared at the floor figuring he would look away for the brief moment it would take the others to straighten their faces but his nerve cracked and he flicked his eyes up to Ted. Warmth spread through his chest as he realised the man hadn’t flinched, his gaze steadily focussed on Trent without a hint of reaction.
‘Sorry, he.’ Ted corrected. ‘You know the right way to deal with this and you can do it, Lleyton Hewitt.’
Trent swallowed hard. He nodded, knowing that his colleagues were only confirming what he already knew, he just had to find the courage. And then delete that damned app.
‘Thank you,’ he managed through a dry mouth.
‘Any time,’ Ted said with an even wider grin. ‘Glad to have popped your dilemma cherry!’
Trent muttered oh my god under his breath and Beard rolled his eyes.
‘Diamond Dogs, dismissed!’ Instead of his usual carefree howl, Ted held Trent’s eye as Beard and Higgins made a racket. When they seemed to be at the height of their distraction, Ted winked at Trent and Trent tried hard to keep breathing. He knew it was meant as nothing more than a gesture of reassurance but the moment of connection bit deep into his hidden feelings about the man he was being paid to study.
Ted got to his feet and followed as Higgins left the office and Trent turned to go back to his desk. He resumed his position, staring at the wall for a moment, trying to find equilibrium before he picked up his phone to compose his message. He jumped when he realised Beard was leaning on the door frame watching him.
‘I don’t think you’ll need that app any longer,’ Beard said gnomically.
Trent frowned at him.
‘You know sometimes they say the answer is right in front of your face?’
‘Am I going to have to recall the Diamond Dogs to have them decipher what on earth you’re going on about?’
‘I wouldn’t do that,’ Beard replied, casually cleaning under a fingernail. ‘Cos I think one of the four us might be your answer. And it sure ain’t me. No offence.’
Trent’s confused expression deepened.
‘The answer to…? Ted? But how would he be the answer to anything? What do you mean?’
‘Used to be an investigative journalist, did you?’ Beard’s smile was affectionately sarcastic. ‘Just bear in mind that I’ve known some people around here a very long time. And you haven’t. Not everything is immediately obvious. You just dropped a truth bomb on us. Who else do you think is keeping some information back until it’s relevant?’
Trent’s heart raced as the implications of Beard’s speech became clear.
‘Maybe the next date you arrange is not from Bantr, if you catch my drift?’
Trent nodded, unable to trust himself to speak.
‘Just make sure you can look him in the eye and say you let your previous date down gently.’
‘I…’ Trent cleared his throat. ‘Yes, yes, I can do that, I’ll do that right now.’
‘Good man.’ Beard smiled at Trent as if he had seen everything the future held and was happy with it. ‘I look forward to buying a hat.’ He turned on his heel and disappeared.
Trent picked up his phone and unlocked it. He knew the words, while he would consider them carefully, would come easily when what waited on the other side was possibly everything he ever wanted. He tapped the app open and began writing with a smile.