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“I’m glad.”
It escaped her mouth automatically without thinking. When Poppy recalls that moment, she thinks she remembers the corners of her mouth being raised. She was smiling, smiling at Kamen Rider Snipe, the tall doctor with white patches in his hair who reuniting with the teenage girl that always follows him around. But why? Why did she smile in that moment? And it came so naturally too. Why did she feel a strange warmth enveloping her at the sight of these two making up? They were her enemies! Lovelica had been fighting them! And yet? And yet Poppy couldn’t help herself but smile at their win even though it meant the bugsters had lost. So why?
“I’m glad.”
But why was she? And why did the doctor with the fluffy darkish brown hair, Kamen Rider Ex-Aid, look at her bewildered when he noticed her smile? She had beaten him just a day before because he was interfering with a Rider Player. That was Poppy’s responsibility as Kamen Rider Chronicle’s navigator. She had to make sure the doctor riders do not interfere or protect players. That is the only way the bugsters are assured victory. That was her job, her purpose. That’s what she was created to do. That’s it.
“I’m glad.”
Nico is a Rider Player. Maybe that’s why Poppy was happy to see her happy. She is here to help Rider Players after all. Nico? How did she know that name? How did she know it was the black haired girl’s name? A gamer tag maybe? No, the gamer tag the girl used was “Genius Gamer N”. So how? Saiba Nico. How did she know that? Had they met before? Had they talked? Poppy doesn’t remember. She doesn’t remember anything before she was the navigator. So how would she? She was there to be the navigator. That was her purpose. Of course she didn’t remember anything before that because there couldn’t have been anything before that and if there was, that wouldn’t have been Poppy right?
She tries to remember. She tries to think back. Was there a time before Poppy? How would she even know if there was? That doesn’t make any sense. “You are our friend.” Ex-Aid’s words come back to her. But why would Poppy have been his friend? How would they even meet? Why would a bugster even help out at a hospital?” That doesn’t make sense, right?
There is a memory. It’s very distant. She can barely grasp it but it’s there. A stretcher, the beeping of hospital appliances, distant voices yelling at the patient to hold on and stay strong. But why would Poppy have been there? Was she sick? No, that can’t be it. Bugsters don’t get sick. They make people sick. Even if they did, something didn’t add up. The perspective of the memory wasn’t of a patient looking up at medical staff, no. It was of one of the people pushing the stretcher. When she focuses on the memory, Poppy can recall the blueish, white walls of the hospital and something around her neck? An ID? Why would she have one?
“Karino Asuna - Seito University Hospital”
Seito University Hospital? She knew that place. That’s the hospital Ex-Aid and Brave work at. That’s how she knows it right? What would she be doing there? When Poppy focuses on the memory again the scene continues. They reach an elevator. The door opens. Poppy goes to press a button combination. Not just a button to a regular floor. No, a secret combination, a combination Poppy’s hands seemed to know automatically like she had done it a million times before. The elevator moves. They reach a floor that does not appear on any of the hospital blueprints she had read before. The doors open….
“Is something wrong?”
Parad’s voice interrupts her train of thought. Poppy finds herself back in the dimly lit server room the bugsters had made their hideout. The beeping of medical equipment now replaced by the sound of an engine that seems to always be blaring in this room.
“No…nothing.”
Why didn’t she tell him the truth? They were friends right? You can always be honest with your friends right? They will hear you out and help you, right? They wouldn’t get mad, right? But that’s not how Poppy felt. When she looked at Parad she didn’t feel any warmth. She didn’t feel like she could bare her soul to him. Something she should be able to do if they were truly friends, if they cared about each other. No! Neither he, nor Graphite, and especially not Lovelica seemed to be trustworthy. But why? They were on the same side right? A team, so they should be there for each other. Reality, however, did not reflect that at all.
Besides, even if it did, Poppy hadn’t lied. There was nothing wrong with her, right? There was nothing bothering her. Nothing that she couldn’t stop thinking about. Nothing that couldn’t escape the forefront of her mind no matter how hard she tried. She wasn’t programmed for any of this. She was programmed to be the navigator and one of the strongest bugsters in the game. That’s it. That’s her purpose. She isn’t more than that and she doesn’t want to be, right?
“No…nothing.”
Exactly, nothing. That’s how Poppy felt towards humans. That’s how all bugsters feel about humans. Look at Graphite! Programmed to be a villain and a very successful one at that. There is nothing more he wants than beating humans until their last health point is gone, until they go game over! That’s his purpose. That’s what he enjoys and he is happy with that, more than happy. What about her tho? Was she happy? She had to be happy, right? She was fulfilling her purpose. She was an excellent navigator who penalized the players immediately. She was Poppy, who answered any questions thrown her way. Poppy who is amazing at what she was programmed to do.
“I want to make the patients smile.”
That phrase resonated with her. It felt like it was plucked out the depth of her heart. But where did it actually come from? Where had she heard it? Who had said it to her? M…she had to look for M. But why? She had to give him a game driver. That was her assignment but by who?
“Dan Kuroto.”
Poppy knew that name. He was the one who created Kamen Rider Chronicles and by extension, her and the other bugsters. It seemed like someone had tried to erase his efforts in the credits of the game but Dan had integrated a part of him deep inside the code for some reason.
“Humans aren’t like bugsters. They only have one life.”
Maybe that’s why. He didn’t want to be forgotten. He didn’t want to die. Maybe that way he could’ve made sure that no matter what happens, a part of him will always live on. Yes, that’s how she knew him, through the game’s code. Poppy remembered his face clearly now. Wait! Code had nothing to do with that? Had they met? No, that’s not possible. According to Parad, Dan Kuroto had died before Kamen Rider Chronicles was launched. She couldn’t have met the guy, could she?
“They will fight with everything to preserve that life. That’s why so many medical specialties exist.”
Poppy had to find M and give him the Game Driver so he could help fight the bugster crisis. That was her assignment. That’s what Dan Kuroto had told Karino Asuna to do. Had she found him? Had she succeeded and found Genius Gamer M? A face flashed in front of her eyes. She knew that face. She was very familiar with that face. She had fought him just the day before. She knows that guy is Kamen Rider Ex-Aid. But what did he have to do with this?
“You are Genius Gamer M?!”
Poppy remembers how shocked she was when the guy revealed his identity. She didn’t expect him to be…well who he is. Why was he even there? An intern? Yes, he was an intern at Seito University Hospital. He was an intern doing his pediatrics rotation. He was an intern that had taken a child, sick with game disease, to a launch party. That wasn’t very responsible. Why would he do that? He didn’t know… he didn’t know about game disease back then. He was just an intern. Just a simple pediatrics intern at the hospital where Poppy had been helping out as a nurse. Intern…
“Hojo Emu”
It escapes her mouth automatically without thinking. When Poppy focuses, she realizes the corners of her mouth are raised. She is smiling. But why? Why is she smiling right now? And it came so naturally too. Why is she feeling a strange warmth enveloping her at the mention of his name? He is her enemy! She had just been fighting him a day ago! And yet? And yet, Poppy couldn’t help herself but smile while remembering him, even after he had spoiled the bugsters’ plans so many times. So why?
“I’ll clear this game with no continues!”
Poppy had heard him say that phrase many times. She had watched him beat bugsters many times. She had cheered for his victory. She had cheered for his success, their success, the patients’ survival. That had been their goal. That had been their purpose. She was a nurse, he was a doctor and they had to save the patient no matter what. They had to make the patient smile again. She was happy. Poppy was always happy to see the smiles of the patients and their loved ones. She was so happy at “Game Clear”, at “You will be discharged and able to go home today.” That’s what made her happy. That’s what made her smile. That’s what her heart longed for. But there was more.
“You are our friend.”
They weren’t just colleagues at the hospital. They were friends. They wanted to play DoReMiFa- Beat together. She was there to help. Alongside Emu, she helped the patients and the doctors working at the cyber-rescue Center at the hospital.
“The CR…”
Suddenly Poppy feels homesick. She misses the hospital. She misses her arcade game machine, her home. She misses the circular table where Hiiro was always eating his cake. She misses the weird circular staircase that leads to the quarantined patient room. She misses laughing with Emu and making fun of Hiiro for, well, being Hiiro. Poppy misses everything. She is so overwhelmed by this emotion that she feels like she’s about to burst. She feels like with the weakest press of a button, she would fall apart into a million pieces that could never form the same image , even if they were put together again. She feels that if one more thought pops up in her head, if she hears one more word she wouldn’t be able to hold it in. She hears too much, sees too much , perceives too much but none of it is reassuring. None of it is part of the world she wants to be in. She feels like she’s having a heart attack, like her chest is about to burst open and reveal everything that’s inside. She wants to go back. She wants to leave this cold, humid server room and go back to the CR. Back to her friends. Back to where their smiles and their warmth once were. Back to the people she valued and who…
“Hiiro, Taiga… and Kiriya.”
She remembers being hurt and she remembers how Emu’s reply had stung. Although she couldn’t be physically ill, she was sure that’s what it would feel like. She valued them, she valued him, but did he value her? Did he want to spend time around her? Would he go the same length he did for his human friends? Would any of them? Poppy didn’t know. She didn’t know and it drove her crazy. But why would they? Why would they risk their lives for her? She’s just a bugster. She can be brought back? It didn’t matter if she died. It didn’t matter what happened to her because they could always bring back a Poppy. A Poppy who would do what she was programmed to. A Poppy who would fulfill her purpose. That Poppy can always be brought back. It didn’t matter what happened to that Poppy.
That is the nature of bugsters after all. They are lines of code. They can be revived and rewritten to your heart’s content. What they are? Who they are? That doesn’t matter to humans. And why should it? Bugsters were programmed to be enemies of humanity. They were programmed to be fought and defeated over and over and over. So why should humans care? They only have one life. They have to protect that life with everything their power allows. They can’t be reborn all the time. Unlike Poppy. She can be reborn. She can come back as much as she pleases. She has infinite lives. She can fight and defeat humans like she’s meant to with as many continues as she likes. They don’t have that luxury. Their one life matters to them. Looking at her infinite lives and comparing, just one life shouldn’t have any meaning, shouldn’t carry any weight, and yet…
Poppy values that life, Poppy wants to protect it with all she has. She knows she might be disposable to them and she knows they might see her as an enemy. By all means, she should be happy when they go game over. She should be actively helping on that mission, and yet..
“I want to make the patients smile.”
That’s what Poppy wants. That’s what her deepest desire is. If she could pull out her heart and listen to what it had to say, it would be that phrase. The happiest memories she recalls are when patients smile again. When their families reunite with them, relieved to see them well again. Relieved to see that their loved ones fought and survived the deadly disease. Sometimes there were tears involved but they were happy tears. Those are the only tears Poppy is okay with seeing. She doesn’t want to make people cry. She wants to help return the smiles to their faces. She wants to make sure their happiness returns no matter what.
But that wasn’t what she was programmed to do. That wasn’t what her purpose was meant to be but that’s the only way she can imagine to live. That’s the only way she can imagine smiling again. Who was he to tell her she can’t do that? Dan Kuroto? That man is long dead. It doesn’t matter what he thinks. It doesn’t matter what she was programmed for and it doesn’t matter to her if she would never be treated as one of their own. What matters is what she wants and what she wants is to see the patients smile again, no matter what it takes, No matter how big the sacrifice was, even if it cost her last life. Poppy had to do what she felt was right. If humans with just one life can choose their own purpose, then so can she. Even if everyone was against her. Even if her own programming was against her.
And the next time she transformed, she found sapphire blue eyes reflecting back at her in the water fountain. Blue eyes that glowed brightly with new determination, with a new purpose. That’s what she had decided. That is why these blue eyes shone so vividly.