Chapter Text
“Manny, stop, it's no big deal.”
“But it IS! It is a big deal! Why didn’t you tell me Amber was getting married?! Preferably before they came?!”
Sam stood with her mother in the kitchen, whispering angrily. She could hear the party in the living room. Uncle Brad was doing one of his famous magical tricks.
There was a thud, a manly yelp, and a sound of breaking glass.
Mom hid her face in her hands.
“It’s your fault for lying in the first place. There’s nothing shameful in being single.”
“It is when your cousin is getting freaking married.”
“It isn’t.”
“It is! She’s only a year older and they’re already treating me like I’m an old maid!”
The other woman sighed, and shook her head.
“How petty of you. I expected better. I thought I wasn’t raising a liar.”
“I panicked! How was I supposed to know that her question was an intro to inviting us to an overblown party? I thought I wouldn’t see her for another year!”
“A lie is a lie, whether you get away with it or not.”
It’s Sam’s turn to sigh.
“I know, I’m sorry. Are you… expecting me to come clean?”
“Oh, hell no. You know what they’re like. They’d bite your head off. I’m expecting you to get creative.”
---
She’d spent a good chunk of the following month trying to think of something that wouldn’t lead to her death by humiliation. She could, of course, say that her “boyfriend” is sick, or busy, or just hates weddings, but that would either make them pity her, or not believe the fake boyfriend even exists. The nerve of some people.
Her first choice was Michael. They were good friends and he was drop dead gorgeous, funny and smart. She could picture the look on her cousin’s face - there was no way her fiance was half the package. Sadly, though, he was back with Emily again, and she got jealous very easily. And if you had any sense of self-preservation, you wouldn’t cross Em. The mere thought of asking her for permission to fake-date her boyfriend made her want to vomit with anxiety.
Next up was Chris. Maybe he wasn’t as handsome as Mike, but he was clever and they got along splendidly. He wasn’t much of a dancer, but they could at least spend the night talking. Too bad there was no way in hell he would call off a definitely-not-a-date with Ashley on that day. She hardly blamed him.
She briefly considered asking Matt out. He was even handsomer than Mike, kind and, magically, single. The problem was, they weren’t really that close, and she was worried about his acting skills. She couldn’t have a boyfriend who was meh about her. Meh would be even worse than going alone. She needed someone affectionate, or at least good at faking affection.
There was only one option left.
---
“I’m not cross-dressing for you!”
“Hannah, please, come on! It’s a life or death situation!”
“No!”
“You look so handsome in a suit! Remember when that girl asked for your number when you’d cut your hair short?”
“Oh my god, that was when I had no boobs!”
“You still don’t when you put on your sports bra,” noted Sam in good heart, but her friend seemed weirdly offended.
“Dude, not cool.”
“Please? Please, please, please, I already bought a fake stache for you! I can do literally anything you want in return!”
“Please get up, Sam. There’s no way I’m doing this.”
“I’ll do your geography homework for the rest of high school!”
“No.”
“I’ll name my firstborn after you!”
“You were going to anyway.”
“True. Damn it... I will… be your sex slave?”
“Woah, woah, ladies, am I interrupting something?”
Of course Josh had to come in in this very moment. Of course. Just her fucking luck.
“Yeah, Sam is whoring herself out for a wedding partner.”
“Jesus, Hannah, nicely put,” mumbled Sam, getting up from her knees at last. “Weren’t you supposed to be somewhere else this lovely afternoon?”
“I was, but poor Ashley doesn’t understand algebra all of a sudden.”
“Ugh, she’s so lame. She’s the best at algebra, who is she kidding?”
“You know who,” said Hannah wistfully.
There was a moment of silence for a certain pair of losers.
“So. A female wedding partner,” Josh grinned. “I thought your family wasn’t very open-minded.”
“They aren’t. She wanted me to do drag,” explained Hannah with a tired expression.
Josh’s laughter seemed to last for ages.
“Woah, Sammy, this made my year,” he said, wiping tears from the corners of his eyes. “I had no idea you were so unpopular. Can’t find a single person to go dance with you for one night?”
He was teasing, but there was a bit of curious pity in his voice which made her hate him a little, and herself a lot.
“It’s not that. I… may or may not have told my family that I’m going with a boyfriend.”
Josh seemed to be taken aback.
“And he dumped you?” he asked carefully.
“Worse, he never existed.”
It took him a moment to actually understand what she was getting at, and it took him a good five minutes to stop laughing his ass off.
“This day just went from zero to ten!”
---
“So you just want to make your cousin jealous? That’s out of character for you,” observed Josh a while later.
“Yeah, well, whatever. She was always trying to make me feel bad about myself. It’s time for payback.”
“I’m always a slut for revenge. Why didn’t you ask me in the first place?”
God must have hated her. She’d made sure that he wouldn’t be home today so that this exact question didn’t pop up. Fuck.
“I mean, we’re friends, I’m positively dashing and great at faking positive emotions. Really, why wouldn’t you come to me first?
That was exactly why. Fuck. Shit. Fuck.
“Oh, I don’t know,” she said in a shaky voice, avoiding his and his sister’s gaze. She cleared her throat. “I just didn’t think you were the type to… want to go. With me.”
He raised his eyebrows questioningly.
“Why not? We’re friends. I’d go anywhere with you.”
The sincerity in his voice made her blush furiously. Damn. Damn, shit, fuck.
“So… is that a yes?”
He gave her his trademark crooked grin. Her already panicked heart skipped a beat. Those dimples…!
“You won’t ensnare me so easily, missy! We can start with whatever you offered Hannah and take it from there.”
Hannah, who was sitting right next to him, kicked him in the shin.
“Ow! Fine! First date’s on the house then, whatever.”
Sam rubbed her temple in exhaustion. She was definitely going to regret this.