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Jasper and David had kissed. No one saw them. Jasper wouldn’t have thought it was real if he didn't remember every sensation so clearly. David has since been avoiding the Counselors Cabin, and Gwen clearly has questions, but has been content to watch with sparkling eyes as the tension rises. They haven’t talked about anything. There are children to watch and activities to plan, but Jasper and David kissed, and now Jasper is alone in the woods.
“ Am I allowed – to look at him like that? ” Jasper doesn’t know what David expects from him, he doesn’t know if he’s allowed to look, doesn’t know if he’s allowed to touch or initiate, so he just doesn’t. He knows he has stars in his eyes, if Jasper seemed more electric about it, he’s sure Gwen would make several comments, but she hasn’t. Maybe he’s hiding it well enough. He doesn’t think so.
“ Could it be wrong? When he’s just so nice to look at? " Jasper thinks David is beautiful. Full stop. Everything about him is nothing but beautiful. Their hair is a similar color, but David spends more often than not in the sun, plus his body is more covered in the soft texture. His green eyes look like fresh cut grass, beautiful and refreshed.
“ And he – smells like lemongrass and sleep, ” Being around David feels like healing optimism. He smells like lemongrass, like a healing kind of medicine Jasper is familiar with from cuts and bruises of climbing trees and falling into stone. He also smells like peace, the night, what sleep should be. Sleep smells like anything you want, and though Jasper may not have David’s heightened senses, he knows that David smells exactly like undefinable love.
“ He tastes like apple juice and peach .” David tasted sweet. The last meal was a while before anything, so Jasper thought that was just what he tasted like all the time. He really wanted to know. He wanted to know what he tasted like when he just woke up, after he brushed his teeth, while setting up camps, after waking the campers, he wanted to know all of the time.
“ Oh, you would find him in a polaroid painting. ” Jasper had a polaroid camera. He found it at a thrift shop, got it fixed, and the pictures he took made wonderful decorations. Many were decorating the tattoo park or that he made his home that he’d probably never seen again. photography wasn’t enough when it came to Ddavey. He needed to be painted. coated in love and brushstrokes short and determined to get him enough. Aart wasn’t enough, David needed to be experienced. Lots of people took him for granted. Jasper wanted to fight all of that single handedly. He wanted to appreciate Davey like he deserved.
“ And he – means everything to me, ” Jasper chokes on the words as he admits it to the air for the first time. He internalized it while writing, while composing, while tuning and while playing, but the first time saying it allowed . . it was too much for most.
“ I'd never tell – No I'd never say a word, ” the irony made him laugh through sobs that tried to force their way out of his chest. He'd never say a word, not to Ddavey, not to Ggwen. anyone else was a part of a Jjasper that was dead now. one Jjasper died on the empty isle, another in a city far outside state lines. The jasper of Camp Campbell was sick. David was his medicine.
“ And oh it aches ,” his chest ached. He was in extreme pain. He was so relieved to be saying things out loud. “ But it feels oddly good to hurt. ” It felt like rapture. He felt good, he felt like he was cleansing a part of him that had been dirty for so long. He was a boy. He was in love. He was in love with another boy. And it hurt. but it felt so, so good. He loved him so much he was afraid of losing himself to the feeling, but wanted to get lost in it.
“ He smells like lemongrass and sleep ,” every good song has a chorus. not that this is a good song, or one to be played for an audience, but it was a different kind of relief to pretend it was written by someone else. someone who didn’t know the depth or feel the ache in each word. He smelled like healing and safety. “ He tastes like apple juice and peach ,”
“ Oh, you would find him, in a polaroid painting ,” there was a single polaroid of Davey alone. It was a quiet night and David was laying on the grass, staring at the stars. He looked gentle, and while photography wasn’t good enough to display David, it was something Jasper kept that made him feel safe.
“ And he – means everything to me. ”
“ And I'll be okay ,” Nothing would be okay again without another feeling of David’s mouth against his own, then breathing each other's air. But it wouldn’t happen again. They would have to talk for that to happen, and David made sure they didn’t have time for that. Maybe he was stalling, and maybe it would never happen.
“ Admiring from afar ,” the furthest they really got was from the lake to the road. they could still sense each other. David's heightened senses allowed him to know where every single person in the camp was if he tuned in, and he was tuned in especially for their little escape artist Max. Jasper wondered how often David tried to sense out for him. Jasper knew some of the horrible things associated with being a known werewolf in public, but sometimes he wished he had David's senses, just to be able to feel closer to davey.
“ Cause even when he’s next to me – We could not be more far apart ,” sitting next to David during campfire songs was sometimes more painful then not seeing him for hours at a time. Sitting next to each other, sometimes with Gwen between them, sometimes not.
“ Cause he tastes like birthday cake, and storytime, and fall ,” There were so many kids, at least one of them had to have a summer birthday.
“ But to him , I taste of nothing at all ,” David couldn’t possibly be straight. It didn’t just have to be that, David could’ve genuinely been disinterested in Jasper, but it really didn’t seem so. Jasper may just be a fool. He could’ve convinced himself and himself alone that Davey snuck the glances Jasper did at times. That sometimes their eyes met over poorly held together construction paper and maniacal children.
“ And he smells like lemongrass and sleep ,”
“ He tastes like apple juice and peach ,”
The further he sang after all the thoughts swirled in his head, the calmer he felt. Looking out across the lake, he could almost see his melody being dragged across still water by welcoming fog.
“ Oh, you would find him in a polaroid painting ,”
He took a deep breath, but just about whispered as he finished words he never thought he would sing aloud.
“ And he means everything to me ,”
“ Yes he means everything to me –”
“ He means everything to me .”
There is complete silence as Jasper’s eyes meet the rising illumination the moon is giving off. He feels weightless as pressure eases for a moment. Then there’s noise not of the woods.
“You tasted like dandelions.” It’s a strange sentence. But it’s Davey, so Jasper can’t mind. “You smell like cedar and fresh bread.”
David was next to him now. Jasper couldn’t help the hope that rose within him. “And I’m sorry.”
And then they were kissing. And Jasper was okay again. He was alright, again, for the first time.