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After so many months on the road, Wei Wuxian finally returns to Cloud Recesses. He spends a few hours with the Juniors and later drags Lan Wangji away from his Chief Cultivator duties.
"This lowly rogue cultivator seeks Hanguang-jun's assistance." Wei Wuxian says gravely, but his eyes sparkle with excitement. "I passed by a village on the outskirts of Gusu, plagued with a mysterious curse. I doubt I will suffice to complete this nighthunt alone." Lan Wangji doesn't think twice to go.
Wei Wuxian insists that they travel by foot. "It's an unknown curse, Lan Zhan! We should conserve your spiritual energy for now. Plus~ we can pick up clues along the way."
Considering Lan Wangji's level of cultivation, they both know the short travel—even carrying the both of them on Bichen—would barely use up a small fraction of Lan Wangji's reserves of qi. Lan Wangji suspects Wei Wuxian is just trying to prolong this nighthunt. To prolong this time spent by each other's side.
If Wei Wuxian wants Lan Wangji's company, there is no need for excuses. Lan Wangji will gladly follow him anywhere, for as long as Wei Wuxian will have him.
Or perhaps, it's all just Lan Wangji's wistful thinking.
+ + +
It's getting dark, and the nearest village is still some stretch away. The pair decides to camp out for the night.
Wei Wuxian watches as Lan Wangji cooks their food, noting how every flicker of the bonfire sets his golden eyes aglow, every flitting light and shadow accentuating his chiseled face.
Wei Wuxian missed him so much. It's been so long since he last saw Lan Zhan. How come he gets even more handsome with time?!
He must've been, and surely still so diligent with cultivation to slow down his aging this much, to maintain such beauty that rivals the full moon.
"Wei Ying." Lan Wangji calls as he hands Wei Wuxian's share of dinner.
"Thanks!" Wei Wuxian says and makes himself not wince when he sees the rabbit food. He should've been not surprised. Afterall, it was his insistence of using the standard Gusu Lan nighthunt provisions rather than letting Lan Wangji spend his personal money on him.
Lan Wangji grabs a bottle from his qiankun pouch and gives it to Wei Wuxian.
"Chili oil!" Wei Wuxian exclaims with delight. "Lan Zhan, ah, Lan Zhan… you're just too good!"
I can't believe you're real
I don't deserve you
and yet I love you all the same.
Wei Wuxian viciously tamps down the urge to spit out the words on the tip of his tongue. Even if he tends to treat himself as a joke, he's not a fool. Whatever this tentative connection he has with Lan Wangji will be destroyed if those words escape his mouth.
He can't lose Lan Zhan.
Wei Wuxian will rather have him as a friend than not have him at all.
+ + +
The next morning, they set off early. (Or as early as Wei Wuxian's sleepy self could take it)
Wei Wuxian chatters away as they go. Lan Wangji hums at the right times to indicate he's listening. He's always listening, no matter what nonsense Wei Wuxian is blabbering.
"Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan look at me!" Wei Wuxian says from time to time. And he revels at how Lan Wangji's eyes focus on him. Like he's the most important thing in the world for that moment.
No one else ever looked at Wei Wuxian like that.
Lan Wangji’s attention intoxicates him in a way not even the best of the Emperor's Smile can.
Wei Wuxian needs to distract himself from these thoughts before he really does something he'll regret.
"Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan…"
"Mn?"
"Have you ever loved someone?" the words slip out unbidden.
shit.
Wei Wuxian can't backtrack now. He tries to act casual, as if he's not hanging on to what Lan Wangji's answer would be.
Rather than the usual teasing he expects, the question sounds more wistful. Lan Wangji searches Wei Wuxian's face. The latter is wearing his usual mask of blitheness. Lan Wangji wonders what he is hiding underneath. Wonders why Wei Ying is still putting up such a veneer in front of Lan Wangji.
"Did Wei Ying ever love someone?" Lan Wangji wants to ask. "Does Wei Ying love someone?"
But Lan Wangji dreads to hear the answer. So instead, he says: "I do."
I do.
Lan Wangji's answer echoes in Wei Wuxian's mind.
I do.
Present tense. Lan Wangji's heart belongs to someone at this very moment.
"How about Wei Ying?"
"H-huh??...ah–… I'm…" Wei Wuxian's mind is still reeling, but he manages to answer, "I also have someone!"
That someone is you. No one else but you.
Afraid that Lan Wangji would see right through him, he evades his eyes. Wei Wuxian misses the flash of hurt on Lan Wangji's face that he is too slow to hide.
"Ah, it really doesn't matter now." Wei Wuxian intends to be dismissive, but it comes out more bitter. "I'm too late. Their heart already belongs to another."
Lan Wangji doesn't know what to say, his mind in turmoil from the bombs Wei Wuxian dropped in a single conversation. He needs to say something.
But before Lan Wangji could utter a response, they arrive into the cursed village. The pair throw themselves into solving the mystery, willing the earlier conversation to be forgotten for the time being.
+ + +
Careless.
Lan Wangji admonishes himself as he speeds through the sky towards Cloud Recesses.
"Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan, there's no need to push yourself. I'm alright. I already slowed down the curse's progression—" Wei Wuxian's statement is interrupted by coughs, flower petals escaping his lips.
Slowed down. Neither eliminate nor even stopped the progression entirely. Wei Wuxian is only prolonging the curse's effect. It's already getting much worse.
Lan Wangji was distracted during the night hunt. With its last dying resentment, the yao they battled lashed out. Lan Wangji wasn't quick enough to evade it. But Wei Wuxian took the blow, and finished off the yao in the same motion.
The curse of the affected villagers is lifted, but the curse mark on Wei Wuxian remains. Wei Wuxian received a different curse. A type of curse that wasn't cured with the yao's defeat. A powerful curse that rapidly eats away Wei Wuxian.
They arrived in Cloud Recesses' medical pavilion in record time.
"Wei-gongzi should be safe for now," the head healer says, "But you should break the curse as soon as possible."
After giving Wei Wuxian tea and medicine to soothe his throat, the pair goes straight to the library pavilion to look for the cure. The two efficiently peruse the thousands of scrolls and books in the library.
Wei Wuxian wistfully looks at Lan Wangji, the skin between his brows infinitesimally creased with concentration.
Ah… It is painful to be there with Lan Wangji.
Wei Wuxian loves him so much to the point it hurts to breathe with all the feelings that burns in his heart.
I love you. I can’t have you. I love you. I’m afraid. I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you. I love you. I love you too much. You’re real. You’re here. Thank you for staying by my side. I don’t deserve you. I am sorry. I am sorry. Don’t let go of me. Don’t leave me. I love you. I love you. I love you.
+ + +
Wei Wuxian's curse progresses faster than they expected. Now, he coughs out whole flowers.
Hydrangeas.
Red camellias.
Purple hyacinths.
Pink camellias.
Red carnations.
They have exhausted all the possible materials found in the main library. But they didn't find anything helpful.
Lan Wangji brings them to the forbidden section of the library. There, they find the curse.
It originated in Dongying, called Hanahaki. The victims will continue to cough out flowers as an alternative to the words they wish to say to the person they are longing for. It will only be cured if they directly relay their feelings to their person.
Wei Wuxian purses his lips.
He already knows.
Lan Wangji suspects that perhaps Wei Wuxian knew even from the very beginning.
"I was hoping to find another solution."
"The curse does not require for one's love to be reciprocated. You just need to say the words." The distant and impersonal way Lan Wangji says those words makes Wei Wuxian's heart sting.
"I can't do that! They're one among the very few people that I consider friends, Lan Zhan. I don't want to ruin our comfortable dynamics just because of a stupid unrequited love."
"Not stupid. Wei Ying's affections are valid. To receive them would be a gift."
"Hah! Who would ever want the affections of the evil Yiling Laozu?"
"I do." Lan Wangji doesn't say.
"Wei Ying is not evil." Lan Wangji says in the same tone one would say the sky is blue—like it's an inherent fact. "He is courageous. Innovative. Loyal. Kind. Righteous. Loyal to a fault. To be a person he treasures would be a privilege."
Wei Wuxian’s breath stutters.
How can Lan Wangji just say things like that?!
Does he even know what it's doing to Wei Wuxian's heart??
Wei Wuxian wonders if love is supposed to feel like this.
debilitating.
all-consuming.
Wei Wuxian doesn't think he can survive without Lan Zhan. He would rather cease to exist rather than live a life where there's no Lan Zhan to return to.
+ + +
Wei Wuxian is adamant to find an alternative cure for the curse.
They still can't find one.
The curse progresses to the point that Wei Wuxian vomits flowers with their stems. Red stains the delicate petals as they scrape Wei Wuxian throat raw as they come out. Wei Wuxian becomes so weak to the point he is bedridden.
Lan Wangji barely leaves his side.
+ + +
Lan Wangji sits on Wei Wuxian's bed, an arm wrapped around Wei Wuxian's waist to support him. Wei Wuxian is leaning onto his side, too weakened to even sit up on his own.
"Lan Zhan… why did it come to this?"
Lan Wangji wills his voice not to waver. "Wei Ying was cursed."
Wei Wuxian laughs weakly, "Wei Ying was cursed, and he's too stubborn to cure himself."
Lan Wangji clenched his fist, not knowing what to say.
"Lan Zhan…" Wei Wuxian continues on. "Lan Zhan, I thought that I would be content to spend my last few hours with my beloved."
Wei Ying wants to spend his last hours with his beloved…
Wei Ying is not fit to travel.
Lan Wangji does not want to waste a second away from Wei Wuxian, but he must bring Wei Wuxian's beloved to Cloud Recesses as soon as possible.
"But it turns out… I… I'm greedy, Lan Zhan. I want more time."
Lan Wangji takes in a deep breath."You wish to confess your feelings."
Wei Wuxian nods.
Lan Wangji grits his teeth. He should be happy. But the mere thought of Wei Wuxian confessing his affections to someone…
Someone not Lan Wangji—
"Lan Zhan?"
"Mn." he replies.
With that one syllable, Wei Wuxian could almost hear him say, "I'm listening." "You own my attention." "yours. always."
Or maybe Wei Wuxian just wants to live that fantasy even for just a moment.
Before everything will change.
Wei Wuxian clings to Lan Wangji's sleeve, looking closely at the intricate embroidery rather than Lan Wangji's eyes.
"Lan Zhan, ah, Lan Zhan… I… please listen and don't interrupt me. I think I'll chicken out if you ever do."
He feels Lan Zhan nod.
Wei Wuxian takes in a deep breath and steels himself.
"Lan Zhan… You are my zhiji, the only person who knows and understands my heart. I know there is no need for thanks or apologies between us. But I need to say this. Thank you for being my zhiji, for existing in my life. I'm sorry for causing you so much anguish. You are scarred because of me. And yet you still choose to stay by my side. I don't deserve you. And I should be content to be your friend, your companion. But I am greedy. You are the flame of my heart, and I couldn't stop myself from longing for more. I love you so much to the point my heart aches."
Lan Wangji is quiet.
too quiet.
Wei Wuxian musters his courage and looks at Lan Wangji's face, at the expression he may be making at Wei Wuxian's confession.
Lan Wangji is staring at him, eyes wide with disbelief. "You… love… me."
"Yes! I love you! It's okay if you don't reciprocate my affections. I already accept that someone owns your heart…"
Their close proximity is getting overwhelming for Wei Wuxian. He tries to pull away, but Lan Wangji’s arm around his waist holds him even closer.
"Wei Ying."
"H-huh?"
"The one who owns my heart is Wei Ying."
"Y-you—!"
Lans do not lie, Wei Wuxian reminds himself. But this is too unbelievable!
Different emotions bubbled inside Wei Wuxian, too fast to comprehend himself. Wei Wuxian doesn't know how to react. So he goes for the easiest: he laughs.
"Does this mean we wasted so much time pining for each other, when we could've been together already??"
"We can be together starting now."
"Right! Lan Zhan is really smart! Starting now, I'm officially yours!!"
"Mn. And I will be Wei Ying's for as long as he wants me."
Lan Zhan is smiling. Lan Zhan is visibly, obviously, smiling!
AH!! This is too much for Wei Ying’s heart! Rather than the curse, this will be his cause of death!
Wanting to retaliate, he wraps his arms around Lan Zhan’s neck and pulls them together impossibly closer.
"What if I want you forever?" The words come out less teasing than intended—instead sounding more vulnerable. hopeful.
Lan Zhan answers just as soft and tender: "Then Wei Ying will have me forever."
+ + +
The next morning, Wei Wuxian wakes up snuggled close to Lan Zhan.
"Good morning."
Wei Wuxian sleepily smiles. "morn'n~"
Wei Wuxian clings to him as Lan Wangji sits up, taking Wei Wuxian with him. Lan Wangji lowly chuckles and drops a kiss on his forehead. "I will get breakfast."
After their morning rituals, they go to the healer and get Wei Wuxian's curse mark check. Everyone is relieved and glad that it is finally gone. Wei Wuxian will be alright now. The head healer just advised that Wei Wuxian should rest a bit more to recover his health.
Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian sit in the Jingshi, doing nothing but bask in each other's company.
“So… Forever, huh?”
“Mn. Forever."
"Lan Zhan!! Forever is such a long time to be stuck with me! If you won't take that back, you won't ever be getting rid of me! Forever!"
"Good."
The answer sounds so self-satisfied, and he could see it tugging at the corners of Lan Zhan’s lips. Wei Wuxian laughs in mixed delight and disbelief.
Wei Wuxian laughs and laughs. Until Lan Wangji’s lips swallow them altogether.
× end ×