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jisung has a lot of fears.
some of his members would point him out as a ball of nerves hidden inside a 180cm body, more often than not just waiting for a little time to calm himself down in his most frightened moments.
jaemin on the other hand was a free soul, a smile on his face always present as he takes on whatever life throws his way. he was always the right person to process things beside the terrified boy, holding his hand long enough to comfort and stop him from shaking in fear.
even if it takes more than that sometimes.
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jisung was a little kid when he first entered the agency, curious-eyed as he met a group of kids he was supposed to train with. one of them was jaemin, the same person holding his hand as they lined up taking a picture in lifevests a few months after they met.
“you can do it, jisungie. this is nothing,” the boy reassured him with a nod before glancing at the others who agreed in small rambles just to ease the youngest’s concerns. with that, the small boy nodded in response as well—smiling even as his grip tightened.
he was unsure what scared him that time, and even if he did then his memory wiped it all away by now. only reminded of the warmth on his hand and the older one’s smile towards him.
he was sure, it started there. in every frightening moment in jisung’s life, he’s learned to look for the same feeling lingering on his palm in the form of jaemin. and if asked why, he could never answer.
simply because it was unexplainable, he wasn’t sure why the wave of calmness and lessened doubts were linked to his considered childhood friend and member.
or maybe, it was another thing he was scared of.
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“jisung, your hand is so cold.” jaemin chuckled as the other was wide-eyed, breathing in and out slowly while glancing at the door towards the stage.
it was their debut stage this time that filled the youngest with nerves, and despite it not being his first time to perform in front of people at all… he was sweating bullets at the thought of messing up.
“we can do it, jisungie. we practiced hard, didn’t we?” the older one muttered, flashing his smile once again as he clutched jisung’s hand tighter. slowly, the younger calmed down with a small scratch on his head—to which the hair stylist groaned at as jisung smiled sheepishly.
“we did, you’re right.” he mumbled back at the other who gave him a thumbs up before letting his hand go, walking away to grab a bottle of water.
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it wasn’t easy for jisung to grow under the limelight, there were things he feared that simply seemed like it was no bother to the other members. things that scared him more than it should have.
that thought bothered him for a long while, and if being specific… it bothered him for two whole comebacks.
it wasn’t easy doing first performances of their new songs without that fluttery feeling on his palm. it was horrifying for him everytime his hand felt cold backstage, realizing jaemin was nowhere around him.
he wished the comforting text messages were enough, but they weren’t. his eyes would shake despite his smiles towards the crowd, his hands would sweat even as they moved with every step for two whole promotion periods.
and he couldn’t understand why. or again, he actually did. but figuring it out would be one of the scariest parts, he was sure.
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.
that thought lingered even after a few months as his whole body nervously shook outside their practice room, pacing back and forth in the hallway as jeno raised an eyebrow at him.
“you’re making me dizzy,” the boy mumbled with a hand settling on jisung’s shoulder. yet, it didn’t ease jisung’s worries. he only ended up swallowing his saliva before heaving a sigh and sitting on the floor with his back against the wall—biting his cheek in nervousness.
“what if he can’t join us yet? what if his recovery wasn’t enough? what if-“ his feet reacted to the sound of the door opening, revealing jaemin who smiled warmly at them.
that time, the older held both his hands with excited eyes, eager to tell him the good news. and again, his doubts were gone as he smiled back at him—crescents freely forming on his face as he sighed in relief.
“i did it, i’m joining you guys.” the joy in jaemin’s tone only made him nod as he grinned back, finally being able to breathe properly after what felt like eternity for him.
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looking back, jaemin wasn’t only good at convincing jisung that his fears are possible to overcome. sometimes, he’s just able to let him know that being scared is okay. that he was alright, as long as jaemin was there.
“hyung, hold my hand.” the youngest mumbled as his head freaked out sitting atop the moving kiddie ride, ignoring the cameras filming them in the middle of the show.
jaemin smiled inwardly at the unexpected request, quickly complying despite the million thoughts spinning in his head. the billion scenarios swirling over one interaction that might never happen again once jisung realizes the effect it had on him once he realizes that jaemin’s fear…
was the thought of jisung no longer needing him to hold his hand.
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.
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jisung was growing up, nearly reaching adulthood. and quite frankly, the boy found other outlets to help himself cope with things he feared. like fans, proper mindset and etc.
yet when jaemin found him backstage before his first performance after a long while—staring at his newly-healed knee, the other only moved to clutch their palms together.
“you okay?” he glanced around before moving closer as he whispered, frowning slightly as jisung only blinked at him.
“you’re okay, jisungie.” jaemin immediately said, smiling comfortingly at him as he sat both of them down.
“i’ve been there too, it’s okay. i did it, didn’t i? you can too,” he continued. the latter exhaled with a shy smile, seemingly scolding himself at the small outburst. but jaemin stayed focused on him, thumb gliding on the skin of his hand as he chuckled.
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jaemin wasn’t sure what part of his constant act of comfort actually helps jisung, but it was no problem for it was a thing he was willing to do effortlessly and continuously. because secretly, it helps him deal with his own worries too.
he had less fears for sure, but it was harder to control things that weren’t up to him. it was less easier to not be afraid of something that could catch him off guard.
like, feelings.
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.
.
“it’s okay.” he murmured with a small chuckle as jisung just stared at him in surprise, hand loosening from his grip a bit at his shock.
jaemin understood the boy’s reaction, it was crazy to him too how he just uttered a confession in the middle of a car ride. slowly, his cheeks warmed up in both embarrassment and terror. unease swallowing him up as his actions dawned on him, slightly turning away from jisung who just sat there frozen.
“you… like me?” the younger one muttered, voice cracking a bit at the foreign words slipping out of his mouth. jaemin clutched his hand in an attempt to stop him from talking, already red enough to cook up patties right on his cheeks.
“it’s okay, jisungie. just…” forget about it, was what he wanted to say as he trailed off. yet his throat caught up with him, shutting him up as the younger’s thumb danced atop his hand.
“what do you mean it’s okay? i haven’t said anything.” jisung mumbled more to himself as he bit his cheeks, not going unnoticed by the other. jaemin didn’t reply, yet their clasped hands brought a small comfort to the quiet air the moment provided.
“i’m scared… i think i like you too, hyung.”
jaemin found it a bit amusing, how the boy’s words contradicted how he felt. liking him shouldn’t be scary, because he sure wasn’t terrified at the fact that the boy he liked reciprocated the feelings. but he understood, letting the other know as he tightened his hold on his palm.
“that’s okay,” the older one smiled as he mumbled. because it was. they were okay, and will be okay.
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jaemin smirked as he looked back on those small moments, biting his bottom lip to suppress a chuckle—not wanting to draw attention from the younger who was now in his apartment and focused on letting one of his kittens reach his pointer finger.
“see, i told you it’d be okay.” he almost scoldingly said, eyes focused on how the little felines crowded around the now relaxed 180cm boy who was panicking just a few minutes ago. jisung’s left hand was intertwined with his, pulling on it slightly when he feels a bit wary of the three.
“stop shaking,” jaemin giggled as he mumbled adoringly at the latter. swiftly, he pressed a small kiss on the blue-haired’s forehead before moving towards the kittens to do the same. with that, jisung calmed down even more—now leaning closer towards the three with a determined pout.
because, jisung had a lot of fears. one of them was, of course, cats.
but jaemin was there. he always was. and maybe the most frightening thing for him now was the thought of the pink-haired boy not being able to hold his hand, reassure him and kiss his worries away.
and quite possibly— for jaemin, it was the same.