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It was another solved dirty case on his books. Oh, well, actually it went for Mouri Kogoro since again, he had used that old man to solve the case. But it didn’t change the fact that the case was a dirty one. A case about a girl who tried to frame her boyfriend as a culprit so she could get rid of him.
Well, it wasn’t like it had shaken his world, but…
He glanced at Ran, who stood a little farther from the others, looking like she was lost in her own thoughts. Who could tell what was going on in that beautiful and kind girl’s mind but Conan knew her better than anyone else. He could see the sadness that had taken over her face, and it made his heart ache.
She had stood against the culprit. Of course, Ran had. When it was about love or friendship, it was something that Ran couldn’t accept and she never let the culprit go without a scold. And this hadn’t been any different case. She had scolded that culprit for playing with others’ hearts and feelings.
Well, Conan agreed on that. It had never been okay to play with others' feelings and use them like they wanted, but he wasn’t usually the one who would rant about it. Or, at this point, he didn’t make Ran’s old man do so. But he stood behind what Ran had said. Of course, he did.
But the culprit had just laughed when Ran scolded her. “You’re just a young and naive girl who believes in a fairytale”, she had said with a smile, without regret. “Have you never considered why your boyfriend - ah, no, childhood friend left in the first place? Maybe he just got enough of you? Maybe he didn’t even care about you? Have you never considered that maybe he just lied to you about coming back, but never comes…”
He had wanted to step in, defend himself, because he would never do that to Ran, but…
“He would never lie to me!”
It had made even Conan twitch. The fire that had lightened up on Ran, the rage she had had while looking at that culprit and making her silent, had made everyone want to back off. Ran had got the room to herself, and scolded the culprit to the end, without pitying her. No one had dared to stop her, not until she had been done.
Conan hadn’t thought that those words would hit her that hard. Of course, he was happy and touched that she still believed in him, trusted him, and defended him when he couldn’t do that himself. He was happy to know that Ran still knew that he cared about her and she trusted that he would come back home, whatever happens. He had promised and he would keep it. He would never break his promises.
But even though she had been so sure of it…
He could tell it from her face. Now she was doubting. The sadness in her eyes, looking away, trying to be alone and hide the doubt.
And it was his fault. He knew she missed him, but he couldn’t do anything to ease that pain. He had hoped that if he wouldn’t be in touch with her too often, she wouldn’t miss him or maybe she would kind of forget his existence, but it had made everything just worse. God, he actually blamed himself for being so naive. How in the world he had thought that Ran would just forget him? In the end, they had been friends like forever. There hadn’t been even a single day that they hadn’t been in touch even somehow, not before the day he decided to follow those men in black.
And the truth was, even though he was closer to her than before, living in the same apartment with her, he missed her too. It hurt to see her and know that he couldn’t be and act like Shinichi. He couldn’t tease her as he had used to, he couldn’t talk to her like he had used to - and she didn’t talk to Conan about the things she used to talk about with Shinichi -, and when she was feeling down, he couldn’t go to her as himself and try to ease her worry or pain.
So as much as she had believed in him and waited patiently for Shinichi to return, he couldn’t blame her to start doubting. Maybe it seemed to her that Shinichi didn’t care about her. It wasn’t the truth, but the problem was that when he called her, he didn’t want to go too deep into what he had done after their last call. Because everything he would tell her would be made up. And he didn’t like to lie to her. It was enough to keep his identity a secret from her, he didn’t want any more secrets between them. But now that he thought about it, maybe his silence about his own doings made her feel like he didn’t want to share his life with her anymore. Maybe to her, it looked like Shinichi didn’t care about her.
God, if she only knew how much he did. He would do anything for her, even lose his life just to make sure she would be safe and sound. He would do anything just to get back to himself so he could be with her again.
God, Ran. I… I wish I could tell you that I love you. But…
He couldn’t. As much as he would love to but if he would…
She would miss him even more. She would ask him more often to come back home.
And as long as the Black Organisation was out there, she wouldn’t be safe with that knowledge. And the worst part, he wasn’t even sure if he could come back even after that. His biggest fear was the thought that there wouldn’t be anything that could make him back to normal…
He closed his eyes and shook his head. Don’t think about it , he commanded himself. One thing at a time. First the organization, then…
He raised his head to look at her, that sad figure. Well, cheering her up would be first on his list. He knew exactly who could take that sadness away and how, but right now it would be impossible for him to call her and ask how she was doing. He would do it as soon as they would get back home. Now he needed something else. Something he could do right now, make her forget her sorrow even for a moment.
It’s the least he could do right now.
“Ran-neechan!”
And she turned to look at him when he ran at her. He stopped in front of her, showing her the biggest smile he could do. “Are you going to cook that curry today?” he asked innocently and touched his belly. “I’m so hungry…”
The sadness turned into realization. “Oh, it is so late already!” she shouted, looking around. She looked a little bit lost before she turned back to him. “Maybe we should just grab something while heading home…”
“No way”, he said, showing how disappointed he was.
She smiled at him apologetically. “But you would get some food faster and whatever you feel like”, she explained and crouched in front of him. “If I would cook, it would take some time.”
“I can help!” he offered, even though he knew that he wouldn’t be a big help to her, but… “Your curry is so delicious, so I can wait a little longer.”
And it did what he wanted it to do. Ran looked at him surprised before melting into a gentle smile. “You think so?”
“Hm-mm”, he nodded. “Best in the world!”
And that wasn’t even a lie. He could eat her cooking the rest of his life and he wouldn’t still get enough of them.
She let out a laugh. “Well, in that case”, she said and raised up, offering her hand to him, “let’s find Dad so we can head home and start to cook that curry.”
“Yay!” he shouted and grabbed her hand. She smiled happily at him, looking like she had forgotten her worries even for a moment. As he hoped for.