Chapter Text
Buck is on the firehouse couch when Eddie finds him, stretched out on it but not asleep. Eddie can tell from afar, sees that his body is rigid in a way it isn’t when he’s sleeping, even before Buck opens his eyes and squints at him.
“Hey,” he says quietly, and Eddie echoes the greeting in a low voice.
Buck sits up and makes room for Eddie on the couch, most of which he doesn’t need. He sits down so close to Buck their entire sides are pressed against each other, then turns a little so he can tuck his face into the spot between Buck’s shoulder and neck.
“You okay?” Buck asks, and his arms come up around Eddie, holding him tightly.
Eddie wraps his own arms around Buck’s middle, fisting the stretchy material of his uniform shirt. “Couldn’t sleep.”
“Yeah, me either,” Buck murmurs. “That was a tough call.”
Eddie nods against his neck. It’s always tough when they get there in time and still can’t save someone, and tonight wasn’t an exception. It wasn’t anyone’s fault – just bad luck. But somehow, those can be the hardest to deal with. Someone’s life ended way too early tonight, and the only explanation is that they were at the wrong place at the wrong time. The unfairness of it all always makes Eddie think of Shannon.
And then Buck wasn’t in the bunk room with the rest of them. His steady breathing usually manages to lull Eddie to sleep, and the absence of it meant that Eddie was lying awake staring at the ceiling and thinking about his dead wife while aching to be by his very new, still secret boyfriend’s side. So he got up and went to look for him instead.
Buck strokes a gentle hand up Eddie’s back and presses a kiss to the side of his face, and Eddie wishes they were at home already, wishes he could just climb into bed with Buck, to hold and be held.
Eventually, Buck starts pulling away, but Eddie makes an unwilling sound and tightens his grip.
Buck laughs quietly and kisses his head again. “What if someone comes up? I thought we were keeping this quiet.”
“They’re all in the bunk room,” Eddie says, his lips brushing Buck’s neck. This close, he can see the goosebumps they leave behind, and it makes something in his stomach pull.
“So were you,” Buck insists, “until you decided to come up here.”
“To look for you,” Eddie says, and kisses his neck this time.
Buck hums, somehow sounding both pleased and concerned. “But you’re okay?”
“Yeah. Just really needed a hug.”
Buck squeezes him a little tighter. “I can do that.”
“Are you okay?” Eddie asks.
“Yeah.” Buck squeezes again. “This is helping. It’s just— it sucks, right? Doing everything right and it still not being enough?”
“Yeah, it’s the worst feeling. I’ll never get used to it.”
“I know,” Buck agrees. “Me either.”
They both pull back slightly, just enough to look at each other.
“Hey,” Buck says, his face earnest the way Eddie loves. “I love you, you know?”
“You may have mentioned it,” Eddie replies just to be a shit, and kisses Buck’s laugh right out of his mouth.
When they pull apart, Buck looks a little dazed, which Eddie can’t help but feel smug about. But he can’t stop staring at Buck’s mouth, red and kiss-bitten, so he probably shouldn’t tease.
Instead, he runs a gentle thumb over Buck’s lips, smiling when Buck brushes a kiss to it.
“I love you, too,” he says. Not because Buck really needs the confirmation, but because he wants to say it. He wants to say it all the time, wants to shout it from the rooftops like some fucking cliché. “Do you think we should start telling people about us soon?”
Buck leans in for one more kiss, quick and warm. “Y-Yeah. I really want that, actually. I want to hold your hand in front of our friends. And I know we’ll still have to reign it in at work, but right now, I just feel–”
He pauses, and Eddie nods. “Yeah, it was a little…hot, almost? In the beginning. The sneaking around. But I don’t love feeling like I constantly have to hold back, to pretend like I’m not head over heels in love with you. I’ve done that for way too long already.”
Buck smiles, and his hand sneaks under Eddie’s shirt at his back, warm and familiar.
“Exactly. I love you, and I want people to know it. Our family, especially.”
Eddie cups the back of his head and brushes their noses together. “So let’s tell them. We can do it during the next 48 off, if you want.”
“I’m ready,” Buck says, closing the small distance between them once again.
It’s only Buck yawning right into Eddie’s mouth that has them pulling apart, laughing. Eddie brushes his thumb over Buck’s birthmark and presses a kiss to his cheek.
“Wanna go back to the bunk room and hope the rest of the night is quiet so we can catch some sleep?”
Buck’s barely opened his mouth to agree before the alarm rings out, and he groans around a laugh.
“I can’t believe you still don’t believe in jinxes.”
“That’s because they’re not real,” Eddie says, pulling Buck up off the couch with him and then stepping close to press one more quick kiss to his mouth. “Maybe we’ll get to sleep after this one, then.”
He grins and turns around to hurry downstairs, laughing at Buck’s indignant voice when he calls, “Eddie! Stop jinxing us!”
But he’s laughing too, following Eddie down the stairs and into the firetruck. Everyone else is yawning and wiping sleep from their eyes, and no one looks twice at how close Buck and Eddie sit, ankles and knees and thighs and shoulders knocking, and Eddie knows that everything is gonna be okay.
Even if they don’t get to sleep at all for the rest of this shift – he’s got a comfortable bed waiting for him at home and a boyfriend to crawl between the sheets with. They’ll catch up on sleep later, close enough for Eddie to not only hear, but feel Buck’s breathing that’ll lull him to sleep. He can’t wait.