Chapter Text
"This is now my affection diary, it has been over 1 year ever since the archangel named Sandalphon (will frequently be called "idiot" in future references) joined me on the grandcypher, up to this point I have been much too embarrassed to properly express him my feelings, but as he's obviously way too dumb to understand my hints I have to resort to bolder methods, my pride be damned, I'll make this angel mine. And so from now on I'm going to register our experiences, perhaps by re-reading older entries I'll figure out what I'm doing wrong, and more than that I simply wish to observe the changes in his behaviour based on the way I treat him, or plainly I just want to write about him as an outlet for my emotions, if nothing else it's going to be an interesting read years later. I do not know when I'm going to stop recording, but as it is a diary specifically about Sandalphon's affection towards me, I suppose it would only make sense for me to stop when that affection has seemingly reached the max level, I doubt this is going to happen anytime soon, if ever, but I'll die trying. It's probably worth mentioning that so far he doesn't treat me in any special way, he's generally cold, but at least responds when I talk to him, he doesn't open up, nor do I ever recall him approaching me, he treats me just as he treats everyone else, that is, by almost pretending that we do not exist, yet he denies it when asked which gives me a small hope that he's just socially awkward and doesn't actually hate everyone's guts, I suppose my goal for now would be for him to greet me before I do."
I sighed and put my pen aside not knowing what else to write, putting all this in words was exhausting, is there any point really? I'll probably stop writing by tomorrow. So then, did I have any interactions with Sandalphon today? I think I saw him pass by the kitchen this morning...? That's probably not... Worth writing down, not a very good start.
Then what now? Am I supposed to go find him, or should I leave it up to lady luck? I just realized that there's no way I'm going to interact with him every day, so I can't write on the diary daily... Does that defeat the point?... Well I guess that's as good of an excuse as any for me to forcefully remind that moron that I exist, maybe if I keep bothering him every day he's going to develop feelings for me... Wait... No, that doesn't sound right.
Okay, whatever, I just gotta come up with an excuse to approach him...
And that's how I spent 30 good minutes trying to come up with an excuse! But unsurprisingly I couldn't come up with anything, and so...
"What do you want?"
He's either tired or pissed, can't tell.
"Ah, nothing really."
"You're standing in front of my door, yet you claim to want nothing from me?"
"Haha, yeah."
"..."
"..."
"Go away."
"No!"
"Why..."
"Well um, how do I put this... Let's hang out."
"Leave."
"W-Why are you so negative u;w;u, I just felt like spending some time with you."
"Well I don't feel like spending time with you, now leave."
Okay that was expected but it still hurts, dammit.
"Um... Not even for 5 minutes? Come on."
"You really have nothing better to do right now?"
I probably have all sorts of important things to do right now, but see if I care.
"Naaah, come on, 5 minutes isn't anything that's going to sink the ship."
He sighed and scratched his head, is that a yes, IS THAT A YES!?
"Fine, whatever, come in."
Hell yeah! Scoooooore!
A bit too excited I danc- walked aside, allowing him to enter his room then followed him inside and closed the door, lowkey surprised he didn't slam the door on my face before I entered, I guess even he wouldn't do that... Nah he would.
I watched him as he gracefully walked up to his desk and put his newly made coffee down, taking a seat and looking... Right at me, oh.
Oh hm, this is awkward.
"So is that all you wanted to do? Stand in my room?"
"Ah, no, well, um... Can I have a seat?"
"Go ahead."
With every step I took I walked more and more sheepishly, the closer I got to him as he stared in my very soul, it was too unnerving but if I could at least sit beside him we'd be on equal grounds... Maybe I'd feel more comfortable?
DING DONG I WAS WRONG.
He took ahold of his cup and had a sip as he was staring... At me... Why is he staring at me this is weird please stop...
"So... How's life?" This was the best I could come up with.
"...? Just the usual, I suppose."
..... Uhhhhh...
"So um, well... Is that good?"
"It is not bad."
AT LEAST TRY.
"I'm glad then..."
"Why are you glad?"
"Because, you know, you're not having a bad time on my ship."
"Ah."
He took another sip, it did feel like his stare wasn't as strong now... Maybe?
"So! Got any hobbies?"
"... Just the usual."
"Well you say usual, but it's not like we really spend time together, it might be the usual for you but that doesn't mean that I know about it."
"Ah, you did not know? My bad, yes I do have a hobby, it's making and drinking coffee."
"... Is that sarcasm?"
"What else would it be?"
"Gh, yeah, I do know that you like coffee, but don't you do anything else?"
"Maybe I do, maybe I don't."
"Aha... Okay..."
... Absolutely, ridiculously awkward. Next time I need to come up with an actual excuse.
I watched as all he did was put the cup on his lips and take it off again, his gaze finally directed towards other things around the room, ah, was he feeling awkward too? I mean, I diiid force my presence inside his room, yeah, that makes sense...
"Well there you go, 5 minutes passed, now leave."
"W-wait! Passed? Already?"
"Yes, so don't make me repeat myself."
"A-Aaah, come on, we barely did anything..."
"That's your fault you had 5 whole minutes to do whatever you wanted, we agreed on 5 minutes, don't take your words back now."
"Fine... Fine, I'm leaving, um, is there anything you may want to say to me?..."
I'm not sure why I said those words as I got up and walked a bit, it was something like a small hope that he might have the slightest interest in me, but felt hesistant to voice it?
"If I did then I'd have said it already, I had more than enough time to."
"Fair... Okay... See you then."
Defeated I left for the door.
"Goodbye."
At times he was surprisingly polite, it always caught me off-guard, but still it did not mean anything, I closed the door and walked back to my room, I grabbed the pen and looked at my new diary, how was I supposed to describe that? Hmm...
"Day 1: I couldn't come up with an excuse to meet Sandalphon, the best I could come up with was standing in front of his room, forcing him to talk to me, he didn't seem very happy about that, he kept telling me to leave which kinda hurt, I managed to convince him to spend 5 minutes with me, but I wasted all 5 of them asking pointless questions and receiving vague, dry answers, he kept staring at me which was uncomfortable, this whole thing was uncomfortable, I think he felt uncomfortable too."
Okay THIS... Isn't really a great starting point, but, hey, if you see it in another way, obviously, it's just the beginning, things can only get better from here on right...?
Ah, thinking about it, I gotta write something extra there.
"Eventually it seemed that he didn't want to tell me to leave multiple times, he did say "don't make me repeat myself" so he tried telling me to leave without.. Telling me to leave, was he really just too lazy to say the same thing again and again? Did he not want to sound too rude?"
Am I just looking too deeply into it? That's probably it, but, if it's the second... That's a good sign, I think, at least he ever so slighty considers my feelings...? No wait if that was it, he wouldn't be so adamant about me leaving as soon as possible, ah, maybe there was something that he wanted to do in private? Could be.
That night I tried to find a chance to approach him during dinner, but I just couldn't find a good moment and before I knew it, everyone had already gone to sleep, sigh.