Chapter Text
Hanbin’s nose-deep into a reading for his ethics class when he feels an arm on his shoulder.
“Hyung~” Hanbin looks up to see Matthew sitting in the chair opposite him. His spirits are raised almost instantly- that’s the effect Matthew tends to have on people.
“Seokmae,” he says happily. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m heading to the library for a group project, hyung,” Matthew says. “I saw you and wanted to say hey.”
“Well, you know I’m always more than happy to see you, my favourite dongsaeng,” Hanbin smiles.
Matthew beams at him. Cute. “Same here, hyung,” he says. “Say, I wanted to ask- are you free this weekend?”
“Hm,” Hanbin runs through his calendar mentally. “I’ve got work on Sunday afternoon, but I should be free apart from that. What’s up?” He’s assuming Matthew wants to hang out, and honestly, Hanbin is ready for some downtime. He’s spent way too much time recently doing schoolwork.
“Oh, great,” Matthew says. “I wanted to ask if you want to go to En Garde with me this Saturday.”
Hanbin pauses. En Garde is a very popular bar in Itaewon, known for its vibrant patronage. It’s just that…it’s a gay bar.
Hanbin is not gay.
“You mean the gay bar?” Hanbin asks.
Matthew nods.
“I’m…not gay,” Hanbin says, dubiously.
Matthew laughs. “Come on, hyung, it’s not like they’ve got the gay police stationed at the doors or anything,” he says. Hanbin huffs out a laugh at that, feeling a little dumb.
Matthew continues. “It’s just meant to be a safe space for us. So naturally, I’d want to bring people who make me feel safe! I know you’ll be respectful of everyone there, so it’s fine.”
Hanbin has to physically restrain himself from cooing out loud at that. How wholesome, he thinks. “That’s kind of you, Matthew-yah,” he says. “If you think it’ll be fine, I’d love to go with you.”
“Awesome!” Matthew chirps. His phone lights up in front of him, and his eyes widen. “Fuck, I’m late for my meeting, hyung. I’ll text you the details later.”
Hanbin smiles and waves as Matthew runs off. En Garde, he thinks. Should be fun.
Hanbin adjusts his outfit as he waits at the platform for Matthew. He’s playing it safe tonight, wearing a mid-sleeved white button down tucked into skintight black jeans. He’d left the top two buttons of his shirt undone, and had added an appropriate amount of silver jewellery to match.
A whistle sounds from behind him. “Damn, Sung Hanbin, you look good,” Hanbin turns around to see Matthew, donned in a tight orange t-shirt and white jeans. His hair has been parted skilfully, enhancing his alluring visuals.
“You’re not too bad yourself, Seokmae,” Hanbin replies, winking playfully. As their train pulls into the station, they get on, continuing to chat as they do so. “Have you been to this bar a lot?”
“Well, I do go every now and then,” Matthew says. “It’s usually filled with university students, so it feels more comfortable.”
Hanbin nods in understanding. “That sounds nice,” he says. “I’m looking forward to seeing it.”
As he speaks, their train approaches their destination, so they alight. Hanbin follows Matthew dutifully until they’re situated in front of a nondescript-looking black door, with En Garde written on a sign above it in cursive lettering. Once they’ve gotten their IDs checked, they’re allowed entry into the bar.
Upon first sight, it seems like any other bar. Dim lighting, high tables, loud music. However, as Hanbin lets his gaze wander around the room, he notices the diversity of the people in the room- decked out in all sorts of outfits, with brightly dyed hair and sparkling jewellery. There’s a dancefloor, and people are letting loose, dancing in styles that Hanbin can say he hasn’t seen often in any other clubs or bars. He’s is instantly taken in by the energy of the room, staring in awe.
“Matthew-yah, can we go to the dancefloor?” Hanbin’s itching to go. The music already seems much better than what he’d expected, and he feels like he can find a suitable audience to display his tutting and waacking skills to tonight.
Matthew reaches out, linking his arm with Hanbin’s. “Hyung, let’s get a drink first,” he laughs, as he drags them to the bar. Hanbin, taking on the role of an ever-caring hyung, buys himself and Matthew a vodka coke each. They find a high table to sit down at, sipping at their drinks.
“It’s nice in here,” Hanbin remarks.
“Yeah, it’s fun,” Matthew responds. “I can still see you eyeing the dancefloor, hyung. Don’t worry, it isn’t going anywhere.”
Hanbin ducks his head, caught. “I just haven’t danced in so long, you know?” he explains. “When I do dance, it’s for the school team, and that has so much responsibility attached to it…not that it’s not fun, but you get it.”
Matthew nods sympathetically. “I understand, hyung. Well, we can have some fun tonight,” he smiles. Hanbin smiles back, raising his glass to his lips to take another sip.
All of a sudden, Matthew’s eyes go wide as they latch onto something behind Hanbin.
“Holy fuck,” he says. Hanbin raises his eyebrows, confused.
“What is it, Matthew-yah?”
“Wait, don’t look yet,” Matthew lowers his tone, though the chances of anyone hearing them in here is extremely low. Hell, even Hanbin is having a little trouble with hearing him properly. “Hyung, the hottest guy I’ve ever seen is at the bar. Oh my God he is so hot.”
“Matthew,” Hanbin whines. “Can I look yet?”
“Okay, wait, look now, but don’t be too obvious.”
Hanbin wastes no time, turning in his chair to peer over at the bar. There are approximately twenty people there.
“Uh, who are we looking at, exactly?”
“Hyung, come here,” Matthew yanks Hanbin to his side of the table. “Look at that guy. Cropped red shirt, black pants, gold earrings.”
Hanbin searches until his eyes land on someone that matches Matthew’s description. “Oh, damn,” he says. He may not be gay, but he has eyes, and that is certainly a fine specimen of a man. “Do you know him?”
“I wish,” Matthew says dreamily. His gaze is mesmerised, eyes following the mystery man around fervently.
“I mean,” Hanbin says. “You could go talk to him.”
“No way,” Matthew looks at him with round eyes. “He’s way too hot to be interested in me. Plus, we’re here to hang out together.”
Hanbin reaches out to pat Matthew’s head fondly. “Ah, Matthew-yah, don’t sell yourself short,” he says. “Why don’t you try approaching him? Don’t worry about me.” It really isn’t an issue for him- he’s enjoyed many a solo night at bars and clubs alike, always happy to dance and interact with new people.
Matthew frowns, clearly conflicted. “But hyung-”
“-really, Matthew, I’m going to go to the dancefloor whether you’re with me or not,” Hanbin reassures. “Now, why don’t you try talking to him? If it doesn’t work out, I’ll still be here, okay? You can come find me whenever.”
Matthew does look a little more relaxed as Hanbin speaks. After two long moments, he nods firmly. “Okay, hyung, I’m going to try. Are you sure you’re okay with it?”
Hanbin extends his arms again, cupping Matthew’s face in his hands gently. “I swear I’m cool with it, Seokmae. Please go get some action.”
“Okay,” Matthew leans forward, hugging Hanbin loosely. “Thank you, hyung!”
“Remember to text me if you need anything,” Hanbin reminds him. Matthew shoots him a thumbs up before walking away, fixing his hair and outfit as he does so. Hanbin smiles affectionately before downing the remains of his drink.
The dancefloor awaits.
Hanbin can feel the stares as he makes his way onto the dancefloor. On the verge of sounding conceited, he’s sort of used to people checking him out, and so he basks in the attention he receives here.
Once he reaches a suitably vacant spot, he allows himself to let go, his body flowing in time with the music playing. It’s always fun to dance at a bar or a club, surrounded by people who are simply feeling the energy of the room.
He feels someone tap at his shoulder. When he turns around, he sees a man smiling at him.
“You dance well!” he shouts over the music. “Do you want to join our circle?”
“Ah, sure, thank you,” Hanbin follows the man to what he assumes is his group of friends.
“I’m Kuanjui,” the man- Kuanjui- says. Hanbin bows slightly as he introduces himself in return. He slots himself into Kuanjui’s circle, bowing at the new faces. “That’s Keita, and there’s Jay, Kamden, and Woongki.” Hanbin nods, though he’s not sure he’ll be able to remember any of these names past the next two minutes.
Suddenly, the song transitions into a new one- something bright and upbeat, heavy on the bass.
Hanbin brightens up- it’s perfect for tutting. He steps forward slightly, feeling his body move in time to the music as he extends his arms in front of him, popping and locking his joints with precise angles and straight edges. As he moves, he hears cheers from the people around him.
“Wow, you’re incredible!” someone- Woongki? yells at him. Hanbin shoots him a small smile, but he doesn’t stop dancing, feeling exhilarated by the exuberance of the room.
It’s at this point that he sees someone approaching their little circle. Hanbin can’t exactly see much, considering the dark lighting of the bar, but he does notice the mystery stranger throw an arm around Kuanjui as he comes closer. Another friend, perhaps, he thinks absently, as he continues to dance. The circle he’s in continues to hype him up, yelling affirmations and screaming everytime he does a particularly impactful move.
“Hao-yah, join him,” someone shouts. Who? What? Hanbin thinks briefly.
He doesn’t have to wait long before his questions are answered, as the mystery stranger appears in front of him.
From this close, all Hanbin can think is woah. The stranger is tall, probably around the same height as Hanbin himself, with coiffed brown hair and a loose black t-shirt tucked into black jeans. He’s very good looking, and Hanbin nods his head in lieu of a hello.
The stranger smirks at him before extending his arms and beginning to tut.
Oh, wow. Hanbin is on the dance team at his university, but they tend to perform hip-hop or contemporary choreographies only. He hasn’t really met anyone who’s that interested in tutting or waacking. But this man in front of him, all long and slender with his perfectly timed movements…it fuels something within Hanbin.
He raises his arms, and starts to dance.
From that moment, it seems like there’s nobody in the room except the two of them. Hanbin vaguely registers the sounds of cheering getting louder, but he can’t look, because he physically cannot tear his eyes away from this stranger. The pair orbit around each other, looking into each other’s eyes as they dance. In all his years, Hanbin hasn’t met someone who’s matched his energy this well, and he tries his best to savour the moment, soaking in the colours of the crowd, the sweat on his skin...the sparkle of the stranger’s eyes.
As quickly as it had come, the song changes, into a tune that’s more mellow and soft. Hanbin finally blinks himself out of his trance, pausing his movements as he looks around. Their circle has expanded by at least fifteen people, all hooting and hollering at the pair.
“That was so good!” Kuanjui yells. Hanbin flushes, looking up at the stranger, who seems equally shy, all his earlier bravado shrinking away.
Hanbin bows. “I’m Sung Hanbin,” he says, watching as the stranger mirrors his position.
“Zhang Hao,” he replies. “You’re very skilled.”
“So are you,” Hanbin gushes. “Are you in Yonsei?”
“What?” Hao asks, clearly unable to hear him over the music. Hanbin steps closer to the man, leaning forward.
“I asked if you were in Yonsei University,” he says.
Hao nods at that. “Yes, I am, are you?”
“I am!” Hanbin replies excitedly. “I’ve never seen you at any dance sessions-”
“-what?” Hao shouts. The music is getting too loud.
“Should we go somewhere quieter?” he asks- or rather, yells.
Hao looks into his eyes at that. Hanbin feels weird about it, but he’s not sure why. “Sure,” he says, reaching out to grab Hanbin’s wrist. Hanbin lets himself be pulled away, noticing Kuanjui winking exaggeratedly at him as he does so. He smiles back confusedly, but doesn’t think much of it.
Hao drags him to the corner of the room, away from the loudspeakers. There’s a cluster of small sofas, and they sit down at one, right next to each other.
From the distance, Hanbin can vaguely spot what looks like Matthew, laughing a little too hard as he drapes himself over his hot mystery man. Good for him, he thinks. He seems to be succeeding on his mission for the night.
“So…Hanbin-ssi, right? Am I saying it correctly?” Hao asks.
Hanbin blinks at him. “Oh, yes, you’re good,” he smiles.
“Thanks. I’m from China, so you can let me know if I say anything wrong,” Hao says.
Hanbin nods. “You honestly sound like a native Korean,” he says truthfully, but he sees Hao blush anyway.
“So,” Hao says. He’s close, close enough for Hanbin to inhale his slightly musky scent, their thighs pressed together. “What brings you here? I don’t think I’ve seen you around before.”
“Ah, that’s because it’s my first time here,” Hanbin says. “My best friend invited me here, but he found a hot guy to pursue so he left me.”
“Oh,” Hao says.
“Honestly, this is my first time at a gay bar,” Hanbin continues talking. He’s not sure why, but something about Hao’s presence is already making him feel comfortable, making him chattier than he normally would be. “I wasn’t sure if it would be cool, since I’m straight, but Matthew- my best friend- said it was okay.”
“Oh,” Hao says again. He clears his throat. “Well, it’s the same as any other bar. Just don’t be a dick, and you’ll be fine.”
“Of course not,” Hanbin hastens to say. Hao has moved away, sitting on the other end of the sofa. When did he get so far away? “I wanted to ask you if you’ve ever attended any of the dance team’s open classes? You’re incredibly talented.”
“Ah, I haven’t,” Hao says. “I really only dance for fun when I go out, I don’t think I’m that good.”
“No way,” Hanbin protests. “I only got to see you dance for like, two minutes, and I’m already desperate to see more. I’m the captain of the Yonsei dance team, you should definitely drop by for some of our sessions sometime.”
“Wow, captain,” Hao says, looking impressed. “That’s cool. I might attend a session, then.”
“Please do,” Hanbin says earnestly. There’s something about Hao, he can feel it. “It was really cool to meet you.”
“Same to you,” Hao smiles, but it looks slightly strained. Hanbin doesn’t get time to think about it, because he feels someone barrel into him at that exact moment.
“Hanbin hyung,” it’s Matthew, looking significantly more plastered than he had when he’d left earlier. “I talked to him, like you told me to, and his name is Jiwoong, and he’s tall and hot and funny, and he called me cute, and I got his number-”
Hanbin laughs as he maneouvers Matthew into a seated position, wrapping an arm around his friend’s shoulders happily. “See, Seokmae, I told you you could do it.”
“He’s so hot, hyung…”
A throat clears from his side. “Well, congratulations to your friend, I suppose,” Hao says, an amused expression on his face. “I think my friends are expecting me, so…”
“Oh!” Hanbin says. “Yes, I’m sorry to keep you from your friends. I hope we can dance together again soon.”
Hao smiles as he stands up. “I hope so too,” he says, before he disappears back into the crowd. Belatedly, Hanbin realises that he should have asked for Hao’s Kakao, or Instagram, or something. Well, it’s up to fate now, he thinks. For now, he’s got a very drunk Matthew to watch over.
Three days later, Hanbin finds himself in one of the university practice rooms. Students trickle in, dressed in casual athletic wear. It’s Hanbin’s first open class in a few months, considering how busy his schedule has been. He’s teaching hip-hop today, and he’s excited to start the session.
“Hanbin-ssi?”
Hanbin turns around. Recognition sparks in his mind. “Hao-ssi, you made it!” he exclaims. Hao looks different today- he looks softer. His hair is unstyled, falling into his eyes, and he’s wearing a white two-piece tracksuit. Cuddly, Hanbin thinks absently.
“Yeah, I looked up the timings on the team Instagram,” Hao says. “You’re doing hip-hop today, right?”
“Yep,” Hanbin says. “I’ll be starting soon, you can take a spot in the front if you want to.”
“And embarrass myself in front of the teacher? No thanks,” Hao scoffs, but his tone is light. Hanbin laughs back as he gestures towards the room.
“Nonsense, you’re going to do great. But please feel free to stand anywhere.” He watches as Hao moves to a spot at the edge of the room, not too far back but not too close to the front. He’s got a clip in his hair, Hanbin realises. It looks like a smiley face emoji. Cute.
Once the room is full, Hanbin claps his hands. “Hello, everyone, welcome back to our open sessions!” he says. “Now, for today’s class…”
The session runs smoothly, as expected. The only real problem Hanbin had encountered was the way his eyes had kept sliding to the corner of the room- Hao’s corner. Despite this being Hao’s first class, he was able to pick up the steps quickly and easily, executing them cleanly. Something about his style had piqued Hanbin’s interest, over and over again.
He’s a new friend, Hanbin explains to himself. He’s cool, talented, and he’s just like me.
“Thank you for today, everybody!” he says, as students begin to leave the room. “You can find details of our next sessions on our Instagram, or on the school website.”
Once he finishes speaking, he bends himself into half, reaching down to touch his toes. As he stretches, he feels a presence by his side.
“Hanbin-ssi.”
Hanbin is smiling before he even unfolds himself. “Hao-ssi, what year were you born in?”
Hao looks at him curiously. “2000. You?”
“2001. Can I call you hyung, then? We can drop the formalities.”
Hao blinks in surprise. “Sure,” he says. “Hanbin-ah.” His name sounds nice in Hao’s voice.
“Hao hyung,” Hanbin tests, smiling. “I like it.”
“Y-yeah,” Hao answers, blinking rapidly. “I, uh, just wanted to thank you for today’s class.”
“Oh, that’s no problem, hyung,” Hanbin beams. “You were really good, I was watching you.”
“Creepy,” Hao says, but his tone is lighthearted. “It’s probably because you’re a good teacher, really.”
Hanbin blushes at the praise. “Thank you,” he says. “You know, I actually want to become a teacher after this. Maybe a dance instructor, or something like that.”
“Oh, really,” Hao’s eyes sparkle, and Hanbin can’t look away. “I’m working on getting my teaching license at the moment.”
“No way,” Hanbin says, eyes widening. “Really? In what?”
“Music,” Hao says. Hanbin gapes at him in wonder.
“That’s so cool, hyung,” he gushes. “Look at us, huh? A pair of educators.”
Hao laughs wryly. “If we can make it to graduation, that is.”
Hanbin giggles. The more he talks to Hao, the more he can see just how similar they are, and he sort of loves it. He feels around for his phone, pulling it out of his pocket abruptly.
“Hao hyung, let’s exchange numbers before I forget again,” he says, holding out his phone. Hao accepts, adding himself on Kakao and Instagram before handing the phone back to Hanbin. The little emoji clip in his hair wobbles dangerously as he does so, and Hanbin finds himself reaching out to fix it before he’s even aware of it, his fingers securing the clip on the soft strands of Hao’s hair gently.
Hao is looking at him with wide eyes when he pulls back. “Oh, fuck,” Hanbin says. “Sorry, your clip was about to fall off your head.”
“That’s fine,” Hao says softly.
“The clip is adorable,” Hanbin says. “You look really cute when you wear it, hyung.”
“...thank you,” Hao replies, an unreadable expression on his face. Am I being weird? Hanbin thinks to himself. He can’t really tell. Hao clears his throat as he checks his phone.
“Oh, Hanbin-ah, I have to go to class now,” he says. “But thank you again for the fun session.”
Hanbin nods. “Let’s meet up sometime, okay?” he says. Hao sends him a small smile before exiting the room, leaving Hanbin on his own.
Hanbin lifts his hands, pressing them against his cheeks. He’s warm, but it isn’t from the dancing. It’s excitement, he thinks. Excitement at the prospect of a brand new friend.
Sung Hanbin 15:10
Hi, Hao hyung-
Hanbin here!
Zhang Hao 15:32
Hey Hanbin
How are you?
Sung Hanbin 15:34
i’m good hyung, what about you?
i was wondering if you wanted to go to a cafe with me this weekend?
Zhang Hao 15:44
I’m good too, thank you
Sure, this Saturday at 3pm?
Sung Hanbin 15:59
Sounds good~
see you then, hyung ^^
“Hao hyung!” Hanbin waves enthusiastically as he watches Hao enter the cafe. The elder is in a casual white t-shirt and jeans combination today, looking bright and fresh.
“Hi, Hanbin,” Hao says, sliding into the seat across from him. “I hope you weren’t waiting too long.”
Hanbin shakes his head dismissively. “Not at all, hyung,” he says. “I wanted to wait for you to order, though. What’s your go-to drink?”
Hao cocks his head. “Hot green tea."
“Ah, hyung, no coffee for you?”
“I’m not really fond of it,” Hao says, and Hanbin mock-gasps in shock.
“But hyung, I’m a barista, you have to like coffee for me,” he faux-whines.
“Oh?” Hao leans forward, head tilted in interest. “You’re a barista?”
“Well, not exactly,” Hanbin says. “But I work at my mum’s cafe part-time, and a lot of customers have complimented my drinks.” He smiles a little at the memories, proud.
“That sounds nice,” Hao replies. “I can picture you working at a cafe, I’m sure you charm every customer that comes in.” He says the words casually, but it doesn’t stop Hanbin’s cheeks from reddening. It’s weird- he’s used to hearing nice things, from his family and friends alike, but compliments from Hao almost seem different. Better, maybe.
He shakes the thought away as he stands up. “I’ll go get the drinks, hyung.”
The service is quick, and Hanbin finds himself returning with the cups within minutes.
“One hot green tea for you, sir,” Hanbin says dramatically, as he places the cups on the table. Hao laughs, eyes bright.
“How much was it, Hanbin-ah?” he asks, reaching into his bag for what Hanbin assumes is his wallet.
“No, hyung,” he says quickly. “It’s my treat.”
Hao pauses. “Ah, that’s nice of you, but it’s really fine,” he says. He produces a 5,000 won note from his bag, holding it out towards Hanbin. “Please let me-”
“-no, no, really,” Hanbin emphasises, reaching out and wrapping his fingers around Hao’s hand. Gently, he pushes Hao’s hand away. In doing so, he gets distracted by the smoothness of Hao’s skin, and the dainty joints of his hand. “Hyung, your hands are so pretty…”
“Uh,” Hao says. Hanbin glances up and sees Hao staring down at their conjoined hands confusedly. He snatches his own hands back, panicked. Fuck, he’s dumb. Why does he keep touching the elder without permission?
“God, hyung, I’m sorry, I just like to do skinship a lot with my close friends, I haven’t even asked you if you’re okay with it, I-”
“Hanbin-ah,” Hao cuts him off, smiling gently. “I’m okay with it. Really.”
“-oh,” Hanbin blinks. “Okay, then. Cool.”
“Also…” Hao takes a lengthy sip of his tea, a smug look crossing his features. “You think of me as a close friend already?”
Hanbin freezes, thinking back to the words he’d spouted moments prior. Damn, Hao must think he’s weird- this is barely their third conversation, and Hanbin is acting like they’ve been best friends for the past ten years.
“I-” he starts, a note of panic in his tone.
“Don’t worry, I’m happy to hear that you think of me that way,” Hao interjects. “I can feel a connection too, Hanbin. I think we’ll be good friends.”
Hanbin exhales in relief. “Right, hyung?” he asks earnestly. “It feels like we’ve known each other for longer than just a week.”
Hao smiles into his tea once more. “You’re right,” he says softly. The rest of the afternoon passes by in a blur of conversation and laughter, and Hanbin is left feeling even happier than before.
“So,” Matthew says, three weeks later. They’re sprawled out on Hanbin’s bed. There’s an IU song playing softly in the background.
Hanbin waits for his friend to continue, but he doesn’t. When he looks up, Matthew is peering at him closely.
“Seokmae, what are you doing,” Hanbin pinches one of Matthew’s cheeks fondly. “Just looking at me like a bug.”
“About you and Zhang Hao…”
Hanbin pauses. “What about us, Seokmae?”
“I noticed you’ve been hanging out with him a lot more. And you keep texting him, too.”
Matthew isn’t wrong. The past few weeks have been so fun- Hanbin and Hao have been doing everything together, from studying, to dancing, to cafe hopping.
“Yeah, we got close after that night at En Garde. Which, by the way, is all thanks to you. For bringing me there,” Hanbin reaches out, ruffles Matthew’s hair.
“Of course, hyung,” Matthew is still looking at him weirdly. “You guys seem. Really close.”
His tone is suggestive of something, and Hanbin starts to breathe a little quicker. What does Matthew think of his friendship with Hao- is it a problem- would it be a problem-
“Are you replacing me with Zhang Hao as your best friend?”
Hanbin stops, feeling strangely…relieved. “Matthew-yah!” he cries out, just a touch dramatically. “My baby, you will always be my best friend. Come here, let hyung cuddle you-” Matthew’s protests fall on deaf ears as Hanbin gathers the younger into his arms, squeezing him in a tight hug.
“Okay, wait, I get it! Hyung, let go of me,” Matthew squirms around, but Hanbin doesn’t let up.
“I’ll only let go if you promise I’m your best friend for life, too. Don’t think I haven’t noticed you with that Jiwoong person,” Hanbin punctuates his words with a tap to Matthew’s forehead.
“Ah, right,” Matthew blushes, but he hugs Hanbin back anyway. “Of course, hyung, you’ll always be my best friend too.”
Hanbin beams and releases Matthew. As they get back to their IU streaming party, a niggling thought forms in the back of his mind.
What did he think Matthew was insinuating earlier, about him and Hao? And why did he get so nervous about it?
Hao hyung :) 12:36
Hanbin-ah
Are you on campus today?
Sung Hanbin 12:57
hey hyung, yep i have a class later
Are you on campus?
Hao hyung :) 13:21
Yeah, I’ll be at the library if you want to come say hey
Sung Hanbin 14:39
Cool, I’m reaching the library now
where are you sitting?
Hao doesn't respond, so Hanbin pockets his phone as he looks around the room carefully. He goes to the table that Hao usually occupies, but the elder is nowhere to be seen.
He peers around the shelves, checking his phone again for good measure. Still no new notifications. He’s about to turn around and find a seat while he waits for Hao to text him back, when he hears a sound emanating from the back bookshelves.
The sound of a laugh, to be more specific.
Hao’s laugh, to be even more specific. Hanbin has become intimately attuned with the sound of it over the past month.
He inches towards the shelves slowly. From what he can hear, Hao seems to be whispering to someone in Chinese. Stop snooping, the rational side of his brain tells him. He ignores it and looks ahead.
The sight he’s met with makes his heart stutter.
Hao is leaning against a bookcase, with someone’s arm around his shoulder. Upon closer inspection, Hanbin can vaguely make out a head of familiar white-blonde hair- the guy he’d met at the bar, he realises. Hao’s friend. Kuanjui?
Although, looking at this scene now- it seems like the pair may be more than friends. It’s painfully intimate, the way Kuanjui holds Hao while stroking his hair. Hao himself is relaxed, murmuring softly as his head lolls against Kuanjui’s shoulder. His eyes are closed, and he looks peaceful.
Hanbin takes a singular step back. There’s a wave of emotions cascading over him, but he can’t pick out a single one. For the first time, he has no idea what to feel.
For some reason, he still can’t look away.
He can’t understand what the pair are saying, obviously. But he can observe the way Hao looks, unguarded and happy under the dim library lights. Hanbin wants- he wants-
“Sung Hanbin?”
Hanbin jerks back, eyes wide. Did they see him? He looks over apprehensively, but the pair continue to talk to each other as if nothing had happened. Kuanjui had said his name, though. They’re talking about me, he realises with mild horror. He definitely cannot be spotted now. He steps back silently before beginning to speedwalk, finding an empty chair to sit down at.
What is wrong with him?
He sits in silence, pondering over his own thoughts. He doesn’t know how long he sits there, but eventually, his phone buzzes again.
Hao hyung :) 14:59
Sorry, Hanbin, i just saw this
Are you still here?
Hanbin stares at the text. He makes his decision on autopilot.
Sung Hanbin 15:03
sorry, hyung, i forgot i had to meet someone for a project now!!
i’ll see you some other time?
He doesn’t look back as he walks out of the library.
(Maybe if he had, he would have seen Hao walking out of the shelves, staring at his retreating figure with confusion.)
Hanbin skips his class that day. It’s his first time ever skipping a class, and he chooses to spend the extra free hour gained by lying flat on his bed and staring at the ceiling.
He just needs to organise his thoughts. Here are the facts he can come up with at the moment:
- Hao is practically perfect in his eyes.
- He really likes spending time with Hao.
- He wants to see Hao all the time.
- The thought of seeing Hao with someone else makes him feel…weird?
He thinks about Kuanjui, holding Hao in his embrace. That doesn’t make sense, though. Hao has a lot of friends, and Hanbin has seen him hug and play around with all of them without any issues. What had been different about seeing him with Kuanjui-
-Hanbin had thought they were together.
The realisation comes as a shock. But, at the same time, it also feels completely unsurprising.
Hanbin amends his mental list.
- The thought of seeing Hao with someone else romantically makes him feel weird.
Now there’s something to unpack. Why would he be bothered by-
Deep down, he thinks he knows why. He doesn’t feel ready to explore it, but then again. Will he ever be?
He picks his phone up hesitantly, opening a search screen. He switches it to private mode, just in case. It takes him a few minutes to type the letters out, and when he does, he looks down at the words on the screen.
I’m a boy and I think I like boys.
He hovers over the ‘search’ icon. Several seconds pass, and then minutes.
He thinks of Hao, wrapped up in someone else’s arms. I wish it was me, Hanbin thinks. I want to hold him in my arms.
He has to look it up. He has to confirm what he already knows.
Fingers trembling, he clicks on the search button.