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Steve always thought that watching somebody while they slept was weird. It wasn’t a bad thing, it was just… maybe he’d never had a chance to equate it to something good. It was rooted in Steve’s mother sitting vigil at his bedside on the many nights she prayed for him to make it to the next morning, keenly noting every hitch in his breath or twitch of his brow that suggested discomfort. It stemmed from Agent Coulson observing the process of Steve’s reanimation when SHIELD agents first pulled him from the Arctic, nervously revealing that fact when they first met. Being watched over had Steve’s nerves on edge, and he could never understand why people thought it was normal to stare at someone else while they were unconscious.
But then he fell into bed with Tony, one random night months after the Battle of New York, when riding his motorbike along the Eastern Seaboard became droll and the offer of a Manhattan skyline became more appealing. It grew from waking up to Tony fast asleep beside him, when the lines on Tony’s face softened and his eyelashes fanned the tops of his cheeks, peacefully dozing as the golden sunlight lit a halo around his head.
Suddenly, he didn’t think watching somebody sleep was all that weird anymore.
~*~*~*~
The kisses they shared in bed were lazy and unhurried; it was familiar and comforting in a way Steve never thought being with somebody could be. The doctors had advised Tony to not partake in any… vigorous exercise for a while since the removal of the Arc Reactor, and while Steve wasn’t necessarily a stickler for the rules, making sure Tony healed as quickly as possible became his number one concern.
He pulled away from Tony’s mouth, moving instead to leave a trail of wet kisses across his neck. Tony’s head lolled to the side, a gasp falling from his lips as Steve sucked harsh red bruises down the column of his throat. He traced his tongue from Tony’s clavicle to his nipple, circling the hardening bud before giving the same attention to the other.
Tony carded his fingers through Steve’s locks, tugging hard enough and earning a breathy moan from the man. With a rasp, Steve pleaded, “Baby, let me ride you.”
“You know what the doctor said—” Tony started, smirking.
“Since when do you listen to anything a doctor says?” Steve retorted, pushing himself up to straddle Tony’s hips. He shifted forward before seating himself on Tony’s lap, grinding down to make a point. “Let me ride you,” he said again.
“And let you do all the work?” Tony’s hands slid up Steve’s pajama clad thighs, resting at his hips to hold him in place. “Say less.”
~*~*~*~
Steve may have had an eidetic memory, but he reveled in cataloguing all of Tony’s features when he got the chance. The curl of Tony’s natural hair, rambunctious and wild, sticking up at his crown before inevitably getting combed back. The imperfections on Tony’s skin, battle scars and sunspots, freckling his cheeks with stories of his life.
In the early hours of the day, Steve had every opportunity to memorize Tony’s face. A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth as he did, Steve’s eyes tracing the arch of his partner’s brows, the dip of his nose, the curve of his cupid’s bow. His finger was featherlight as it traced over those features, pausing when Tony’s nose twitched. Steve’s lips widened to a grin, and with the same hand, he cupped Tony’s cheek, lightly swiping the pad of his thumb across his skin in a soft caress.
God, Steve loved him so much.
The only sign that Tony was climbing into consciousness was a brief twitch of his mouth. He turned to press his face into the palm of Steve’s hand then, with a sleep-rough I love you too slipping past his lips.
~*~*~*~
After Siberia, things between Steve and Tony weren’t great. They could be hell of a lot worse, but Steve was happy enough that Tony hadn’t cut off communication with him. Not that they spoke much when they did see each other. It was always Be careful, Ross is still on your tail and never I miss you, come home, even though Steve…
Steve would take anything Tony was willing to give, whether they were kisses so angry his teeth ached and his lip would sting, or a fuck so rough that Tony would leave behind fingerprint bruises on Steve’s hips that lasted until morning.
And it was in those early hours of the day that Steve let himself be selfish, when he would spend a few more minutes watching Tony as he slept, memorizing the contours of his face and the barely-there grays in his hair, before noiselessly slipping out of the room.
~*~*~*~
Tony was asleep in a hospital chair beside Steve’s bed when he finally woke up, and it was then that he knew Tony loved him.
His entire body may have been in pain, his face might have felt like tenderized hamburger meat, and his ribs could have broken in three places, but being able to see Tony curled up in the seat was like a salve to his wounds. SHIELD was in shambles, HYDRA was in the wind, and he’d barely made it out with his life, but simply knowing Tony was the one watching over him made Steve feel… safe.
~*~*~*~
Steve had gone to sleep with Tony apart from him, childishly laying on the edge of the small bed in Clint’s guest room, and then unsurprisingly woke up warm, with Tony’s face pressed against his neck and one arm slung over Steve’s waist. If it ever ended up with just them two against the world, well, Steve didn’t think that would be so bad.
~*~*~*~
Tony had given Steve his heart once, figuratively, but when he pressed the Arc Reactor casing into Steve’s hand with a fury in his eyes, it had all but broken him. There was a time when Steve promised to be at Tony’s side, win or lose, and he couldn’t do even that. But seeing Tony stumble out of that spaceship, seeing him look so thin and fragile, that alone made Steve wish things had gone down differently.
From late at night and into the early morning, Steve remained in the lounger that sat in the corner of the room. He watched over Tony while he slept, observed Bruce as he checked up on him, and did a little more watching. There were dark smudges underneath Tony’s eyes and his lips seemed dry, chapped. Tony’s hair was unruly and almost matted, his skin pale and unhealthy.
God, if Steve had just been there.
~*~*~*~
Tony created time travel. Tony came back to him. Tony saved the universe.
Tony left him behind.
This time, Steve was with him, but it didn’t make a difference. Next time, Steve would make sure he will.
~*~*~*~
“You’re staring, Tony.”
“God damn. Your eyes are closed.”
Steve grinned, blinking one eye open. “You’ve been staring at me for the past half hour,” he informed Tony, reaching out from under the blanket and pressing his finger at the center of Tony’s forehead.
Tony swatted him away, grumbling, “I’m watching you with good reason.”
“And what is that?” Steve replied, pulling Tony into his chest, resting his chin over his head.
“You’re not my Steve.”
He stiffened, unsure whether to force a laugh or sober up to his reality. The words were spoken with such conviction that it threw Steve off-guard. “What makes you say that?”
Tony craned his neck to look up at him, the expression on his face unreadable. His eyes flickered over Steve’s features, looking for something, and Steve suddenly felt self-conscious. One of Tony’s hands came up to brush Steve’s hair back as he explained, “There are laugh lines on your face that weren’t there a week ago. Your hair’s different, longer, graying at the temples.”
“Tony—”
“You hold me different, too,” he continued, shifting to snuggle back into Steve’s embrace. His breath was warm on Steve’s skin as he spoke. “Like I’m some precious thing, like I might disappear.”
Steve didn’t know what to say, if he should say anything at all. Was there even a good way to say, You die in ten years, but I traveled through time so we can get a second chance? Steve wouldn’t believe it if he was presented with that situation, and he was the one who did it.
“I watched you, while you were sleeping,” Tony muttered, absentmindedly drawing invisible circles across Steve’s shirt. “And the whole time, I kept wondering if I was seeing things that weren’t there. If I should be worried. If I really even wanted to know.”
“…Is it enough for you to know I love you?”
“Yeah.” Tony tightened his hold around Steve. “Yeah, I think so.”