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“Sun, I like you.” his best friend muttered drunkenly habang akay-akay ito papunta sa sasakyan.
He didn’t expect to hear such revelation coming from the lushed man beside him, a sudden profession of fondness, likeness, and…maybe love.
His best friend for nine years just confessed to him, not towards him . It was for another guy.
‘It’s good that he likes someone na! It’s about time.’
Diba? He thought while placing him in the passenger seat, securing his seatbelt to make sure he is safe for whatever things that might happen on their way home.
I also have my own person, my won. The guy he liked ever since he stepped into awareness of the world he’s living in. Just seeing Jungwon breathe, doing the most random and simplest things makes him happy.
‘I may not be your greatest follower, I may also be a sinner, but God please… let him be the one for me”
And every night he prayed that God would honor his prayers. He might even cross the river Styx, or fight the Gods if such prayers wouldn’t be answered as Won is his Eurydice to his Orpheus…
His Psyche to his Eros. His Day One. His Daylight…
or so he thought.
He felt an uncomfortable feeling, crawling through his thumbing organ, when heard those three words let go in his best friend’s beautifully shaped thin yet moist lips.
“Sun, I like you… I really like…”
Another painful PANG can be heard and felt coming from his heart.
He scoffed in the sensation, laughing in disbelief like it was the biggest joke he could ever think of.
‘God must’ve forsaken me’
The sudden train of thought shocked him. ‘What do you mean ‘God has forsaken me’ ? What the fuck am I thinking?' Jungwon finally returned his feelings for him. He waited years for this,
‘How could I… How could I ever see it in that way when my prayers have finally been answered?’
“Sunoo…”
‘FUCK THAT NAME’
He is starting to get irritated hearing the same name on repeat but the overwhelming feeling of confusion weighs more out of the moment.
‘Kabag lang ito. Mga 3Am thoughts ganun kind of kabag’
He was t rying to convince himself that what he currently feels is just a moment of weakness, a trial, a challenge God gave him in order to prove worthy of Jungwon’s love.
“ I’sdsfs—” He look at the man beside him trying to lay in a comfortable beside him, unbeknownst staring at him with a hurt looked.
When he gained consciousness of what he was doing, He tried to distract himself by focusing on the road, ignoring the incomprehensible murmurs coming from the drank man on his passenger.
After dropping Jay off in his condo unit, a deafening silence eloped inside the car.
He contemplated, reflecting about the questionable feelings he felt a while ago. His thoughts continued to surge and he didn’t even realize that his previously dried eyes now sorrows like a river that flows endlessly.
Then it hit him.
‘No way, It can’t be’
He laughed at the idea. If anyone could see what he was doing in his car, they would probably think he’s crazy for laughing so suddenly.
‘Was it in his past life? Or maybe the present life?
“I’m fucked hahaha”
As desperate as he felt, he grabbed his phone placed near him for a call, to call someone…
To find the answer,
And to confirm his dilemma.
It took a few minutes for the line to pick up. As soon as they did he was greeted by a warm and sweet voice “Hello, Jake? Napatawag ka?”
Four words, by just hearing the voice. He just now confirmed it.
Jake could only smile bitterly looking up. Trying to hold his tears back and penting up his frustrations.
“Won, I’m sorry…”
And when the world caved into him.
he realized that it had always been the boy he always lie with,
The boy he wants to welcome his death with.
But, God forbids, and wretches a man like him.
‘For what am I being punished that I am forced to see,
Another in the place that was meant for me?’
He guessed that he was too late, too much damage will fall, however, it’s because of his feelings for Jungwon that he was able to tell him.
“I’m really sorry Won.”