Chapter Text
‘Look we come from the same place, the guy works his ass off to get into Hudson, then these rich kids treat him like crap? You know how that feels.’
‘Yeah, I waited tables in law school and served my classmates. It sucked, but it didn’t make me kill anyone.’
13 years earlier: White Plains, NY
Last semester of her senior year, and Casey was a mess. After her classes and sports, all she could focus on were her damn college applications. Watching the mail every day, looking for the anticipated, big envelope, or the dreaded, small envelope.
She smashed her SATs, and yet she still felt like it wouldn’t be enough. She hated thinking about her essay, barely giving herself enough time to proofread it before stuffing it into her applications, but it did look nice all typed up.
CUNY and Fordham were her safety nets. Even if she didn’t get into any of the others, they were safe bets according to her teachers, her parents and everyone around her. Even if she didn’t get her top choices, she was going to college, no matter what. Or that’s what they kept telling her, at least. She was too nervous to take any of their reassurances fully on board.
Everyone and their dogs were applying for SUNY, her included. Again, another safe bet with her scores, and the discounted tuition would be a big help, but the thought of having to interact with pretty much everyone she grew up with, not getting that fresh start she craved, it killed her to think about staying in the same place for even longer. She was ready to move on.
She applied to Vassar for the fun of it. She had to at least acknowledge the role they played in advancing women’s education, she admired it. It was still a good place to be if she got in, but she wasn’t fussed either way.
Her Ivy League applications were the big risks. UPenn, for the chance to spend those four years with her boyfriend, who got in on early decision, and Harvard: her dream school. She fell in love with Cambridge when she visited with her parents during the summer to scope the place out. The lush green scenery as far as she could see, the old, historic buildings filling her with a sense of awe. She was starstruck, almost in love, and they could both tell.
Casey and Greg hadn’t discussed what they’d do if they went to different colleges, but there was a tension in the air, like they both knew the inevitable was coming, but both too terrified to acknowledge it.
Her parents told her not to worry about the money. That they had enough to cover any Ivy League tuition in their savings. But she was conflicted: all the others had scholarship options, and she didn’t want to be a burden, the reason they couldn’t go on nice vacations, or retire to Florida when the time came, like she’d heard them discuss. But they insisted: whatever would make her happy, they would make it work.
She knew deep down she should probably lower her expectations just a little. But at seventeen, that was one of the hardest things anyone could’ve asked her to do. She wanted Harvard, so bad.
The first one arrived in late February. She got off the bus and checked the mailbox on the front lawn, as had become standard practise every day since she went back in January after the holidays (just in case), and there it was. A big envelope. She didn’t even stop to open it and check who it was from, simply yanking it out and running for the door. She could tell from the car in the drive that her dad was home, and he was the first person that deserved to know anyway.
She slammed the door behind her.
‘Dad?!’
‘Kitchen!’
She sprinted ahead, starting to talk before she even got there.
‘Dad! Dad! Dad! Big envelope! Big envelope! I’M GOIN’ TO COLLEGE!!!’
She bounded in there waving the damn thing around like a flag, throwing it down on the island to run to him for a hug. She was not expecting him to pick her up and spin her around, like he used to do when she was, well, a lot younger.
‘Aww that’s my champ! Knew you could do it! Aww… Well done, honey, who is it?!’
‘No idea! I’m goin’ to college!’ Her voice muffled by his shoulder and the massive grin across her face.
‘Well open it! Open it!’
She knew not to expect the Ivies for another few weeks, but she didn’t care about that right now. She was going to college.
That first envelope was from SUNY. They discussed that night how she could stay at home and commute to classes to save a little money. She wouldn’t have to work if she didn’t want to, or she could pick up gig work here and there if she wanted a little extra. It was convenient, a great backup if she needed, but not what she wanted.
Slowly, over the weeks, more of the envelopes started arriving. Big envelopes. All four of her non-Ivy choices. She didn’t want to think about making a decision just yet, she was Holding Out for Harvard.
Her best friend, Sara, was giving her a ride home that afternoon in March. The one she’d remember for the rest of her life.
‘Yeah I heard the decisions are out… Folks are starting to get ‘em in the mail… My God, I mean I can’t believe you’re gonna just leave me here to go live your dreams… How rude.’
Sara was quite contented with going to the local community college to improve her scores, otherwise academia just wasn’t her thing. Casey respected her ability to recognise it so early on. She wondered for the briefest of moments what she would have done had she not essentially been told since grade school that she was going to college no matter what. That she was destined for great things, and she wasn’t to squander the opportunity.
Ivy Day was late last week, when they released all their decisions, meaning Casey’s dreams were now, literally, in the hands of USPS. She’d been waiting patiently for them to just hand the damn things over already. She hopped out the car to tentatively peek into the mailbox, and her heart sank. One big envelope, one little envelope. Either way, she was about to be heartbroken.
It was a bittersweet evening, getting into her dream school, but having to accept, officially, that she and Greg weren’t staying together 4ever. He was obviously delighted for her when she called him to tell him the news, twirling her fingers of her free hand through the phone cord to distract from any impending tears.
A couple of months went by, and she sent off her decision: she was going to Harvard.
College Commitment Day was always fun, watching the seniors through the years with a wide-eyed curiosity as they donned the merch of their future alma maters. Finally, it was her turn. Pulling on the grey and red baseball tee, the Harvard crest emblazoned on the corner, she stood right out from the sea of SUNY blue. She wondered if she’d ever see Lana, donning the maroon and gold of USC, again in her life. Garret sort of resembled a tiger in his Princeton get up, then she spotted Greg and her heart sank once again. He also stood out, in the red, white and navy UPenn hoodie.
They all got their polaroid pictures, the five Ivies all huddled in their varying outfits, Casey beaming through all of them, ones with all her friends, again sticking out among the blue. She was optimistic, finally she was getting out of there.
She was sorting through all her own pictures that night, grateful that her dad let her take his camera for the day rather than wait for the film to get developed if she took her own.
She overheard her parents talking, a little more strained than she would normally hear, and it made her uneasy. She had a feeling it was about her. Standing by the stairs to overhear them, hiding behind the wall, she slowly crept down
‘We can’t let her get her hopes up… She wants to do pre-law, we gotta tell her now.’
‘Tell me what?’ she emerged into the living room, catching them both off guard. Still in her Harvard tee, their hearts sank at the sight. They knew how much she wanted this.
Her dad beckoned for her to sit on the opposite couch, ‘Sit down, honey…’
She sat, wordlessly, before he continued.
‘… First off, I don’t want you to worry. We’ve got the money for your four years, but… We can’t afford to put you through law school. I’m sorry.’
It had been her dream. Law school, internship, bar exam, prosecution. That was the plan, it had been the plan since 9th grade Career Day. If she gave it up now, she had no idea what to do. She had to stick to the plan or she would fall apart. She’d already given up her relationship, she wasn’t giving up on anything else.
‘… I’ve got time… I’ll figure it out.’
Whether that was optimism or naivety talking, neither of them could tell. But they knew she was determined, or categorically stubborn depending on the time of day. Once she had her eye on something, there was no getting her off it. She was going to Harvard. She was going to Harvard Law. She was going to take the Bar and get her internship. And she was going to work for the prosecution. And there was nothing anyone, or any circumstance, could do to stop her.