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It was a one of the bad nights. Eliot never slept more than ninety minutes at a time, but tonight screams erupted in his mind every time he shut his eyes. It was the third night in a row like this and if he didn’t get at least a few hours of uninterrupted sleep, he would be next to useless for the job they were working tomorrow. He could already feel the cracks around his usual mask showing: he’d snapped at Parker when she hadn’t deserved it, and had accidentally shattered a glass he’d gripped too tightly when he’d gotten agitated as they were going over the mark’s atrocious history. That wasn’t good. He was going to mess up if he wasn’t careful. If he didn't get some sleep.
He paced in his bedroom, glaring down at his bed as if it were purposefully keeping him from rest. He considered going out to his kitchen and starting a quiche to bring to the team tomorrow morning, but he’d done that yesterday and Hardison had instantly questioned how he was sleeping. The hacker knew his warning signs too well and he doesn’t want to risk raising his suspicions again so soon. Eliot blamed his inability to sleep at least partially on getting drugged a few nights ago. He hadn’t been able to sleep since he’d woken up on his neighbor’s sofa, but why that was he had no idea. Perhaps his body was still working the toxins out.
Thinking about that night instantly brought up thoughts of Hana, his neighbor, something he’d been trying to avoid. Eliot shoved both hands through his long hair, raking his fingers through it as he shoved it back from his face while he blew out a frustrated breath. This place was supposed to be a refuge; a place he could go when he wasn’t working that wasn’t too close to his farm, some place that made it harder for people looking for him to track him down. He didn’t want to get too involved with the people in this building, certainly not with someone as appealing and charming as Hana. She was doubly dangerous, as she knew too much about him and his team, and she seemed like she needed help, despite all of her protesting. Package that up in a beautiful woman and Eliot knew he was sucker for it.
She wasn’t just a pretty face either. He’d actually enjoyed the time he’d spent with her, it had been easy to talk with her and he had relaxed, as much as he ever did, while he had been with her after their initial… awkwardness. Her apartment just exuded a sense of peace that soothed him. He could understand why he’d been able to pass out for so long on her sofa, longer than he normally did, especially when his mind knew he was in foreign territory. He wasn’t finding that peace tonight. Or the night before. Or the night before that.
GOD! He just. Needed. Sleep. Just a few hours, some sense of relaxing, he thought furiously, rage building up inside him as he fisted one hand in his hair. He growled as he glared at his fucking useless bed and had to resist the urge to kick the mattress across the room. Eliot tilted his head back, staring up at the ceiling as he cursed the demons that chased through his mind, mocking him. It was so tempting to put his fist through a wall, to break something, anything. There had been times in the past when he would have gone out to a bar and picked a fight, broken a few heads, but he was trying so hard not to be that man anymore. If it were earlier, he’d text Hardison, but he knew Hardison and Parker had planned a night of movies and chocolate, and he didn’t want to intrude.
As Eliot forced himself to resume his pacing instead of trashing his room in an exhausted fit of temper, a noise caught his attention. He paused his restless movement and cocked his head. There it was again! A faint knocking from the back wall of his bedroom, the one he was closest too. Curious, and a little afraid that he had finally lost it, Eliot rapped his knuckles against the cool drywall and waited to see what would happen.
“Having trouble sleeping?” a muffled voice asked, sounding like it was coming from the floor of his bedroom. Convinced he had cracked, Eliot stepped back and whipped his head around, looking for the source of the noise. His eyes caught on the small air vent on the bottom of the wall and he realized it connected over into Hana’s apartment. He’d placed a cover over it when he first moved in so it couldn’t be used to gas him or anything like that, but her voice still came through. He remembered her mentioning that she could hear him move around during the night and now he knew exactly how.
Leave it alone, Eliot told himself, just ignore it. But even as he was admonishing himself, he crouched down and ripped off the magnetic covering so he could hear her more clearly. “I could ask you the same question,” he drawled, trying to keep any trace of his agitation from his voice.
There was a short laugh, too tired sounding to be considered humorous. “I haven’t… haven’t really slept well these last few nights. Happens sometimes,” Hana told him, and he could picture her shrugging as she did. It sounded like she was sitting with her back against the wall, and he mimicked her, resting one arm across his raised knee while he stretched out his other leg.
“I’m not keepin’ you up, am I?” Eliot asked, leaning his head back against the wall. He hadn’t even thought about his activities keep his neighbor awake, and a twinge of guilt snuck in. Despite that, he felt a little more centered already with the distraction of Hana to talk to rather than just pacing around with his thoughts.
“Uso! No, no,” Hana assured him and Eliot heard something that sounded like she had patted the wall in a comforting gesture. “I just patted the wall like it was your shoulder or something,” he heard her say in an embarrassed whisper and a bark of laughter escaped him. Great, now he was going loopy from lack of sleep, and it sounded like she was there too, with her small slip into her native Japanese and gestures towards the wall.
“Go to bed, Hana, you sound exhausted,” he said, “I’ll try to be quieter. You don’t have to keep me company or whatever.” Maybe he’d just stay down on the floor now. The floor was comfortable. Kinda.
On the other side of the wall, Hana sat with her legs drawn up to her chest, her back against the wall as she rested her cheek on one knee. She hadn’t had more than six hours of sleep in three days and her eyes were burning, but she couldn’t shut her mind off. She’d even tried catching a catnap at the shelter, but had snapped awake swallowing a scream in less than ten minutes. Unless her neighbor had been managing to sleep while she was working at the shelter, he’d had even less sleep than her. Something needed to happen, needed to change. Hana squeezed her eyes tightly shut, her hands fisting as her eyes shot open again almost immediately. She drew in a shaky breath, not wanting to admit anything out loud, but wondering if it might help the both of them. “I can’t sleep, Eliot. Not right now. I don’t…” she let out another shuddering breath and she inwardly cursed the tremor in her voice. “I don’t like what I see when I close my eyes,” she forced out in a whisper.
Those whispered words hit Eliot like a shot to the gut. Me too, sweetheart, me too, he thought, unwilling to say it aloud. Guilt settled in as he wondered if she wasn’t sleeping because of all of the memories he’d forced her dredge up while making sure she hadn’t been a plant to kill him or his team. He had to do it, but it didn’t make him feel better about it. “I know the feeling,” he finally said, wishing he knew what to say to help. He felt useless and he hated that.
“Sucks, doesn’t it,” Hana said, injecting some carelessness into her tone. She winced, hesitating `over what she wanted to say next, unsure of how Eliot would take it. It had taken her over thirty minutes just to get up the courage to get off the chair she sat in when she couldn’t sleep and come over to the vent to speak to him. “Listen… I’m up, you’re up, and we’re both being driven insane by our inability to sleep. Wanna watch a movie?” she rushed out before her courage abandoned her. Such a dumb idea, she yelled at herself internally, but once the thought had come to her, she hadn’t been able to let it go. She hadn’t been lying when she’d told Eliot that she felt safer when he was around, even before he knew about her, and she hadn’t missed how he had relaxed a little while he’d been eating breakfast and fixing her door. Maybe together they could help each other out.
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” Eliot murmured. It’s the worst goddamn idea in the world, he thought, I am too tired and miserable, and you are too good to get mixed up with the likes of me. Even as he thought this, his body tightened at the idea of spending more time with her. She’d made him feel… better somehow, as if he weren’t a monster. She’d accepted what she knew about his past so readily and still felt safe around him, had even admitted that she felt safer when he was around. It was a strange feeling, reminding him of how the Leverage team had come to accept him as well.
“Just a movie, Eliot. That’s all. You know my sofa is comfy and I think we both could use some mindless entertainment. I’m not looking for anything else.” There was a self-depreciating laugh and Hana said, “I’m way too messed up for anything other than a movie.”
Eliot stared at the wall between them, one eyebrow raised. “You get a lot blunter when you’re exhausted, Hana,” he drawled.
There was a giggle and Hana said, “I guess so. You’re the first person I’ve talked to during one of these episodes, so I don’t really know. Anyway… movie?” Eliot hesitated and then Hana dropped the hammer. “I have Mighty Ducks,” she said cajolingly.
That… sounded exactly like what he needed actually. “I’m not wearing pants,” he murmured, looking down at his black boxer briefs, not realizing he had said anything out loud until he heard Hana laugh.
“Well, throw some pants on and get over here. Mighty Ducks! Quack, quack, quack, quack!” she called out and then dissolved into a fit of punch-drunk giggles.
“You’re nuts,” Eliot told her, but a smile crept across his face as he pushed away from the wall and got to his feet. In short order, he was wearing soft grey cotton workout pants and a navy tank top, and was knocking on Hana’s apartment door while holding two beers by the neck in his other hand.
He heard the sound of all three locks he had insisted on installing being thrown back and then Hana pulled the door open, greeting him with a wide smile. “C’mon in!” she cried softly. “Ooo, good idea,” she said as he held up the two beers, “Want some popcorn?”
“Yeah, sounds good,” Eliot said as he shut the door, locking it again automatically. He watched as Hana almost bounced into the kitchen, recognizing the manic burst of energy that came once in awhile during periods of exhaustion. For someone who hadn’t slept much, she looked damn good. Sure, there was dark rings under her eyes, and her pale ivory skin was drawn tight over her high, broad cheekbones, but there was still that sparkle in her eyes that made him want to smile with her. The teal tips of her black hair spiked around her head like a halo from the messy bun she had it secured in. She was a solid six inches shorter than him, but her toned legs seemed to go on and on, and he got to appreciate them as her pale blue sleep shorts ended a bit before mid-thigh. Her large, heather grey shirt bagged around her slim form, the ripped out collar sliding down to reveal one smooth shoulder that was covered in a brightly colored tattoo of a peony in full bloom, and Eliot had to force himself to look away. Shut it down, Eliot, you’re just here for a movie, he reminded himself.
There was a chirping sound and Eliot looked down to see the smoky blue cat of Hana’s staring up at him with wide, grass green eyes. Hana looked over and grinned. “Hideo likes you. Normally he ignores new people, he’s asking you to pick him up,” she told him as she started the microwave.
Eliot looked at her in askance, glancing between the cat and microwave. “Next time I make the popcorn,” he told her and then crouched down so he was closer to the cat. “And you… why don’t we get to know each other a little better before I go pickin’ you up, okay, buddy?” He rose to his feet and grunted. “Talking to a freaking cat now. Getting worse than Parker,” he muttered. Parker would love Hana's cat and Eliot suspected Hideo would feel the same way. The blonde thief had a way with all animals that Hardison suspected was supernatural. Eliot knew it was just the lack of domestication buried deep inside both Parker and the animals. What made both so interesting to spend time with in Eliot's opinion.
“You should hear me, I have full on conversations with the little king,” Hana reassured Eliot and then waved him towards the sofa. “Go on and sit down, I promise neither one of us bites. Want a bottle opener?”
Eliot nodded and then gestured with one hand when Hana held one up. He caught it in that hand and sank down on the sofa, popping the tops of both beers. He felt his muscles begin to relax one by one as the soft cushions cradled him and he began to absorb the calm nature of Hana’s living room. He couldn’t tell if it was the abstract watercolors she had hanging, the plants scattered about the room, or what, but he felt instantly better. Not enough to sleep, but he didn’t want to punch anything right now and that was a serious improvement. Eliot leaned his head back against the sofa and closed his eyes.
The cat hopped up on the sofa and Eliot cracked an eye as the round head nudged his elbow. “You’re not getting my beer,” he informed Hideo as he took a sip. A bowl heaped with popcorn appeared in front of him and he accepted it, settling it on his lap as he watched Hana come around the sofa and plop into the stuffed armchair adjacent to him.
“Stretch out, get comfortable,” Hana told him, motioning at him with one hand while she reached for the TV remote from the coffee table with the other.
“Do you mind?” he asked, gesturing at his shoes. She shook her head, concentrating on getting the movie set up. He kicked off his hastily donned boots and stretched his legs out.
“Want a blanket?” Hana asked, leaning forward to grab the beer Eliot extended out as the opening music began.
He shook his head and watched as Hana shrugged and pulled the turquoise blanket he recognized from his first visit over her. He was fascinated by how swiftly she covered her comfortably folded body, completely covering herself with the exception of one arm, so she could eat her popcorn and drink. Hideo settled in against his hip and Eliot gave him a quick skritch between the ears. “Thanks,” he was startled to hear himself say.
“For what?” Hana asked, glancing over at him, her head pillowed on the arm of the chair.
Eliot brushed a dark strand of hair out of his face and pursed his lips briefly. He hadn’t meant to say anything out loud. “Thanks for this, for asking me to come over,” he said quietly, taking a small sip from his bottle, glancing at her briefly before turning back to the classic scenes rolling across the TV screen.
“Thanks for coming over,” Hana replied, just as quietly, her tone equally serious, “I have a lot of bad nights, and I’ve never tried spending them with someone else. This is… this is better, I think.” She took a quick sip of her own beer and kept her eyes determinedly on the screen.
A small smile crossed Eliot’s face, and he murmured, “Yeah, it’s better” as he relaxed fully into the sofa. He might not sleep tonight, but at least the raging and guilt in his head had quieted down and he had a sense of satisfaction as he watched his neighbor’s stress start to dissipate. He’d sensed her tension singing through her from the moment she’d opened the door, despite her smile, and it was gratifying to know that even as messed up as he was right now, he’d been able to help her, at least a little bit.
~*~
The first thing Eliot became aware of was the vibrating weight on his chest. He blinked, forcing his eyes open and his body to stay still as he shot fully awake in an instant. The cat’s placid, green eyes greeted him, blinking in response to Eliot’s blink. Hideo was settled on Eliot’s chest, purring away with paws tucked underneath his furry chest, the picture of a contented cat. “When did you get there?” he asked, his gravelly voice even rougher with sleep. Hideo merely shut his eyes and continued to purr.
“He had a bad habit of using me a pillow too,” a sleepy, feminine voice said, the barely-there accent bringing images of cherry blossoms and his favorite sword to Eliot’s imagination. He tilted his head to the left and saw Hana stretching in the large chair next to the sofa he was on. She was still covered in the turquoise blanket, but her arching movements were fascinating to watch. “Looks like we managed to catch a few hours of sleep after all,” she murmured, taking the tie from her hair and running her fingers through it before looking over at him and smiling.
Eliot didn’t give in to his own desire to stretch, as he was oddly loathe to disturb the clearly content cat, so he stacked his hands behind his head and continued to observe his neighbor. “Got about four hours or so,” he said, thinking back. He’d woken up once after falling asleep in the middle of the movie, sensed no danger, and fallen back asleep after snagging the remote and shutting the TV off.
Hana looked over at the clock on the blu-ray player and made an impressed noise. “Just about exactly! You’re good.” She motioned to the cat then, saying, “Hi-chan, my love, come here and leave Eliot alone.”
“I don’t mind,” he started to say, but the cat abandoned his chest for Hana’s lap in two quick jumps. He took the opportunity to stretch and sit upright on the couch, settling back against the cushions as he looked back over at Hana. He watched the cat settle in her lap after a gentle headbutt to her chin. They stared at each other for a few moments and Eliot felt off-kilter, a little unsure. It wasn’t something he was used to feeling around woman.
“So this is a little weird, isn’t it?” Hana finally said, wanting to get this new tension over with.
“Not usually how I wake up after spending the night with a woman,” Eliot drawled, a lazy smile moving across his face as the off-kilter feeling dissipated.
Hana couldn’t help the laugh that escaped her. “I’m sure it’s not, cowboy,” she said shaking her head as she grinned at him. “I do not doubt your prowess there. You, or rather the Ethan Stinson they know you as, are the subject of a looooooot of laundry room gossip for the brief periods of time I can stand being down there,” she finished with a yawn.
Eliot couldn’t decide if he was pleased or dismayed that he was the source of a lot of talk in his apartment. It was flattering as hell, but could definitely cause some problems. However, the other part of Hana’s statement struck something in him. “Not a fan of the laundry room?” he asked casually, referring to the small room in the basement of their building that held four coin operated washers and four dryers.
Hana’s shoulders hunched in slightly as she grimaced slightly. “Not really, it’s pretty dark and there’s only one exit, so it makes me… itchy. I tend to wait until I’m down to my last pair of…” Hana hesitated, a faint flush spreading across her cheeks. “Anyway, I wait as long as possible before going down there. But at least I don’t have to lug everything down the street to a laundromat,” she finished with a shrug and a smile.
Eliot made a mental note to get Hardison, who had bought the building to make things easier (and because he liked owning things), to install more lightning in the basement as soon as possible. However, he decided not to mention that to Hana. It wasn’t necessary that she know who her landlord really was, just that she and the other people felt safe in every part of the building. He hadn’t noticed the crappy lighting in the laundry room, as Hardison had installed massive industrial washer and dryers in the offices of Leverage above the pub, so most of his laundry was done there. However… a thought struck him as he stared at his neighbor who had opened up her home to him more than once now. He let it simmer at the back of his mind the time being and instead returned her smile. “I don’t suppose you’d like some breakfast? The least I can do after you let me crash on your sofa again is offer you breakfast,” Eliot said, his smile breaking into a grin as he saw her delighted response.
Hana punched a fist in the air, nearly tipping Hideo out of her lap. “Yes!” she exclaimed, and then scrambled to soothe her disgruntled cat and regain a bit of her dignity. “I mean… if you want to cook breakfast, I certainly wouldn’t mind. I’ll do dishes again in exchange,” she replied in a calmer tone of voice, although the tip of her tongue was caught between her teeth in excitement as she smiled at him. Eliot thought it was… adorable. Yes, adorable was a safe word for how his far too pretty neighbor looked.
“Sounds good. How do pancakes and bacon sound?” Eliot asked and laughed at Hana’s obviously thrilled expression. “Good. I’ll go grab supplies. Like a pan that does have rust,” he said with a wink as she rolled her eyes at him.
~*~
Later, as they sat across from each other at the breakfast bar once again enjoying a Spencer Breakfast Special, that calm, easy flow of conversation and sense of tranquility that Eliot was starting to associate with Hana and her apartment continued. Silence fell for a few moments as they each took bites, but the silence wasn’t uncomfortable, he didn’t feel the need to fill it or get away as he did with most other people.
Hana looked up from what she was certain were the most delicious pancakes she had ever eaten and took in the relaxed state of Eliot’s broad shoulders and what looked like genuine laugh lines around his rather stunning blue eyes. An idea popped into her head and she bit her lip, holding back slightly, unsure if what she was about to say was a good idea or not. Still… “Hey, Eliot?” she finally asked.
“Yeah?” he drawled, pausing in the act of bringing his fork to his mouth.
“I have a lot of nights where I can’t get to sleep. Last night was the first time I’ve ever managed to fall asleep easily during one of these episodes,” she confessed and he set his fork down, meeting her eyes. Hana could feel the intensity of his attention, but it didn’t frighten her as it had the first time he had woken up in her apartment.
“It was nice to veg out to a movie,” Eliot admitted, his voice a touch rougher than usual. He didn’t know where Hana was going with this conversation, but he got a sense that he was about to be thrown in a situation that he’d probably be better off avoiding.
Hana ducked her head, and then met his eyes once more, her almond eyes tensing slightly as she bit her lip briefly. “Wanna… what if… would it be okay if we did this more often? Just to help during the night?” she forced out, knowing her ivory skin was tinged a pale pink with her blush. She hated putting herself out there like that, but once again, this seemed like a way she could help a man who risked his life repeatedly for others. If she could help him get some rest by offering her sofa and TV, she would absolutely risk embarrassment by appearing more vulnerable. The fact that it might help her too was just icing on the cake.
Eliot stared at her for a moment. He knew that Hana wasn’t asking only for herself and he was incredibly touched. He was also aware that it was a truly horrible idea, letting himself get closer to her, get used to hanging out with his neighbor, and possibly opening himself up to more interactions with someone he found so intriguing. An incredibly bad idea. But he felt so rested for the first time in nearly a week, and the circles under her eyes weren’t nearly as dark. “Yeah,” the hitter found himself saying, a small smile on his lips, “I’d like that.”