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There’s something that gnaws at Sam, the need to fit in.
She has always been something molded by everything around her. A perfect student. A perfect daughter. A perfect partner.
But not a perfect friend.
That was the one thing Kelly made abundantly clear that she was not.
When it came to Kelly, there was no mold for her to fit in, no guideline or instruction or… map.
Because with Kelly, she was nothing but herself. Kelly didn’t expect anything from her but to be her. And, well, to not be a total doormat who can’t make choices. But, mostly to be herself.
And because she was herself, unscripted and unplanned, she screwed up.
Like ditching Kelly for a stupid party that she doesn’t even want to be at.
This is where Sam thinks she’s supposed to be. What is expected of her. What everyone else is doing.
But it’s not her.
The sweaty bodies linger too close, the stench of alcohol that stings her nose and burns down her throat, it’s so out of her comfort zone that she almost thinks that this is exactly where she’s supposed to be.
That’s what college is, right? That’s what growing up is?
It’s not about what they think you’re supposed to do, Kelly had said once. It’s what you want to do.
And Sam?
Sam wants to be sitting on the roof of Kelly’s car staring at the stars that are so much brighter out here away from the lights of the city-suburbs. She wants to be sharing this awful drink with Kelly and seeing the way Kelly’s face lights up every time she grimaces at the bitter taste. She wants to talk about everything and nothing until they can barely hold their heads up.
She wants to be with Kelly.
And so, Sam pushes out of the crowd and goes to follow Kelly.
She finds the girl making her way to the library, probably to hide in the corner where Encyclopedias and graphic novels meet. Sam’s heart stutters when she sees Kelly hastily swiping her sleeve over her eyes.
Sam jogs faster and brushes her fingers against the back of Kelly’s arm. The blonde girl jolts at the touch, spinning around as she flinches back. She sniffles, wiping at her puffy eyes.
“Sam?” Kelly says. “Party get busted or something?”
“No,” Sam says. “It wasn’t really my scene.”
“I could’ve told you that,” Kelly says. “Actually, I’m pretty sure I did.”
“You did,” Sam says. “Pretty vehemently actually. And I… didn’t listen. I seem to be doing that a lot, huh?”
“You said it, not me,” Kelly says, holding hands up with a shrug.
“I’m sorry,” Sam says. “I’ve been a real jerkbutt and you deserve better than a friend who abandons you in a city you’ve never been in to get drunk with people she doesn’t even care about.”
“And you care about me?”
“Of course I do,” Sam says, something in her constricting at the thought that Kelly can even think otherwise.
“I don’t know,” Kelly says. “I wasn’t sure.” Kelly is trying to sound joking, teasing, but Sam knows her better than that.
“Do you want to get milkshakes?” Sam blurts out.
“You’re gonna shit your brains out later."
“Yeah,” Sam says, lips tilting up slowly. “But you like milkshakes. And this may be a bribe to win your forgiveness.”
“You don’t need to bribe me for my forgiveness,” Kelly says with a chuckle.
“Yeah,” Sam says. “But I want to.”
Kelly crosses her arms, tilting her head as she smiles. “Alright, fine. And you’re paying for a side of fries too.”
“I’ll even throw in a beef 'n' cheddar.”
Kelly gasps. “A whole beef 'n' cheddar? You think you can afford that? I mean, your coin purse was feeling a little light when we were paying for the toll.”
Sam scoffs, shoving Kelly’s shoulder as the taller girl grins cheekily at her. “And for that, you’re paying for your own beef 'n' cheddar.”
Kelly’s head knocks back as she groans. “But if I get the beef 'n' cheddar separate, I don’t get the combo discount.”
“It’s not a discount,” Sam says. “That would imply that it’s a discounted price on its own, not a part of a combination that together is a smaller sum than they would be ordered separately.”
Kelly raises her eyebrows. “And for making me listen to that, you’re paying for my sandwich.”
They laugh, and for a moment they can forget, like they have no cares in the world, just each other and the moment they’re living in.
But the laughter fades and the apology still remains unaccepted, hanging in the air like a choking miasma.
“I do want to go,” Sam says. “On a road trip, I mean. I just—”
“You have commitments,” Kelly says, her voice flat. “I get it. I mean, I broke my phone so now I’ve got commitments like scrounging up money for a replacement, but yeah. I get it. Graduation. Graduation and then we’ll… we’ll take a road trip so epic that we’ll look like something straight out of a feel good summer chickflick.”
“It’s not that I’m choosing it over you or anything because you know that if I could, I—”
“Sam,” Kelly says. “I get it. Seriously. We can just… drop it.”
“But you’re still upset,” Sam says.
“I’m allowed to be upset, Sam. I— I can’t just stop being upset even when your actions have been clearly justified and I know I’m just being a bitch because feelings don’t just go away. Even when in my head, I logically get it, I know you have your reasons, that doesn’t— that doesn’t make me stop being upset. So, let’s just… drop it. Okay?”
“Okay,” Sam whispers. “Yeah. I’m sorry.”
Kelly sighs. “Jesus. Don’t— I didn’t mean to— fuck. Don’t do that thing where you take everything and you hyperfocus on it and blame yourself.”
“Am I not to blame?”
“No,” Kelly says. “Because you actually have a future to care about and I’m just being a bitch.”
“You’re not being a… bitch,” Sam says. “Like you said, you’re… upset. And you’re allowed to be upset.” Sam trails off, hands clenching and unclenching by her sides. “I have A pluses in all my classes,” Sam says softly. “There’s only a couple weeks left of school. Finals are over. I’ve never been tardy, let alone have an unexcused absence. Heck, I even went into school when I was feverish with bronchitis so I wouldn’t miss a physics quiz. And I… I got into college. We’re… we’re at a college that we both got into so I don’t… I don’t know why I feel like I have to…” Sam shakes her head. “The rest of the year has nothing left for me.”
Kelly looks at her with an indistinguishable expression. “What are you saying?
“I’m saying… let’s blow this town and go.”
“Go where?”
“Anywhere!” Sam says, spreading her arms out. “No map. No destination. Just… driving fast with the windows down. Eating crappy fast food until we gain five pounds. Seeing balls of twine and canyons so deep we can’t see the bottom. Just— go.”
“You’ve got a life, Sam. You can’t just—”
“But I can,” Sam says. “Phone bills? They’ve got wireless payments now. We don’t need to waste money on motels; we can push down your seats and, and get one of those cheap mattress covers from Walmart or something and lay it in the back. We can pick up odd jobs along the way, make money as we go. We can just go. You and me. That’s all we need.”
“You’re serious,” Kelly says. “You’re really serious.”
“Dead serious,” Sam says.
Kelly searches Sam’s face for any wariness. “I almost went back to this douchebag’s dorm tonight. Like a fucking loser. He probably would’ve gotten off before I unclasped my bra and he looked so eager and the way he looked at me, it almost... I just— I wanted someone to… care about me. To look at me like I… I don’t know.”
“Like you matter,” Sam says. “Like you mean something. Like you’re worth caring for.”
Kelly lets out a breath. “Yeah.”
Sam takes Kelly’s hands. “You. Me. Driving fast with the windows down. Going wherever fate wants to take us.”
“Fate?” Kelly says, amused. “You never gave a shit about fate.”
“No,” Sam says. “And neither did you. But… maybe fate has something in store for us.”
And maybe fate is not destined. Maybe there are no walks to the library or yellow SUVs or phone calls. Maybe all they need is each other. Maybe they’re meant to go tonight.