Work Text:
Saturday evening. I just broke up with my girlfriend. It wasn’t an intensive relationship and I can say my feelings weren’t very strong. This break up didn’t mean much to me. Just a small negative experience. We already parted ways and I was in the mall’s glass-walled elevator riding to the top floor in order to get to my car and drive back home. With me there is a guy with a hat and face mask, probably trying to hide his identity. I look at the display, only 8 more floors to go. Sighing I look outside the elevator and look at the empty mall. Only very few humans wander in the empty halls. The mall’s closing at any moment after all. I chuckle at myself. The view from the elevator keeps getting better.
Until suddenly a break screeches and the elevator stopped in between two floors. I turn around to inspect the door only to find it being unable to open. Damn I thought. The other passenger seemed to have noticed our problem as well.
“Uhm, I’m gonna press the emergency button.” I said, earning a quick nod and gaze from the stranger that somehow seemed familiar. But I didn’t thought too deep into it.
After a short ring on the speaker I heard a man response.
“Elevator Emergency hotline, what is your problem?”
“Hi, well…” I awkwardly start to talk. “Uhm, I’m stuck here in an elevator with another person. We’re like about in the 7th floor right now and the door cannot be opened…”
“Okay, let me check your location. You’re in the Spring mall, right?”
“Yes.”
“Alright, since it’s evening already it might take longer for the electrician to come, but he’ll come as fast as possible. We’ll get you two safely out of there.”
“Great thanks!” I contently said goodbye from the hotline dude.
After getting help I turned to the stranger, who apparently watched me for the whole conversation.
“I guess we’re stuck in here together for a while...”
The stranger just stares silently with almost something like fear of me in his eyes. I try to smile politely in order to make the atmosphere not turn too awkward, but failed and I decided to look somewhere else. The repairing guy should come soon enough, no need to make some small talk.
Once again I look at the different floors I can see from the high view. Luckily the whole mall is visible with these glass elevators. The number of remaining people decreases more and more until I found myself not spotting a single person anymore. I look at my mobile, already past 10 pm and I’m still not even at my car. After some minutes I look over at the strange dude, but he’s just staring into his mobile.
Somehow already an hour passed and I started to get tired so I decided to sit down. The man followed my lead shortly after. Soon after my mobile ran out of battery and now it was really boring. Outside the elevator were signs I already read over and over again trying to occupy myself , but after doing so for so long I gave up and indulge in boredom. I lean my head back and close my eyes. Even though I doubt it, for one moment I prayed that the strange dude wouldn’t made a move. All my daily duties came to my mind and I started to think of what I was going to do once I’m outside of this damn elevator again.
I heard the guy’s pocket rustle which made me open my eyes and look at him. He finally put his mobile away as well. His disappointed look confirmed my hunch that his battery died as well. I yawned and wondered if the emergency dude has forgotten about us. To make it worse, the lights were shut down. Now only some smalls lights through the mall provided some light. Even though it was darker than before it’s still rather light and one could see everything. Just damn it.
I tilt my head toward my fellow companion. Now that it has come to this I should really talk to him. I am just so bored and kind of pissed for staying in here for so long.
“So, your battery died as well?” He instantly looked up and remained silent for a moment. That instant I kept asking myself why he seemed so familiar. After a moment he finally replied with a heavy foreign accent.
“My phone….. I can not use.” He says while making some gestures. I nod and continue:
“Where do you come from?” I wanted to know where he comes from, because I might be able to talk in his native language in order to keep the conversation up, since he seemed rather insecure with his English.
“South Korea.” That moment something made click in my mind, but still my brain didn’t let me know the truth just yet.
“Ah, I’ve studied in Seoul for a year!” I replied in Korean, which made him obviously surprised.
“Your Korean is really good.”
“Thank you~ Say, don’t you want to take off that mask and hat? It’s getting rather warm in here. I also already put my jacket over there.”
“Ah…” He contemplates a few seconds and went for my suggestion. The moment he reveals himself it was all up with me. I couldn’t believe my eyes.
“Say, … “ I begin completely speechless. “What’s your name?”
“My name’s Jeon Jungkook.” He finally started to smile faintly. “What’s you name?” he finished.
When he said that I just couldn’t believe my ears. But his voice confirms his whole appearance and it was truly BTS’s Jungkook. The guy I admired for a few years of my life and who seemed so distant, is now literally in the same small room as me. Furthermore I have been with him for hours already and didn’t even notice it. I guess people really change when they stop being into something.
“I…uhm…” I stutter being lost for words. “My name is Addison.” He gives me a gesture as in nice to meet you.
“I, well, I know you. Very well in fact.” Just as I began to hesitantly voice those lines his eyes changed, disappointed and somewhat annoyed, feared of being together with a crazy fan. When I noticed that, I desperately wanted to show him that this wasn’t the case. “No! I mean yes I know you, because I was a fan of you and your band a few years ago, but now I don’t follow any of your activities and moved on from that part of my life. Please, don’t think I am some kind of creepy fan. I swear to you I have nothing to do with Kpop in general.” I wanted to take my phone out to proof my innocence with my nonexistent Kpop photos, but my mobile was not in my favor. I kept on explaining how I really was just some random person and for some reason, a reason I will never be able to understand, he believed me.
“It’s alright Addision, I believe you.” He even chuckled. “You seem like an honest person and there’s something in your eyes that tells me that I should trust you. So don’t abuse my trust.”
“No, I’d never want anything bad for you or anyone dear to you.”
Somehow we changed from awkward heavy air to having a friend like conversation. This it too good to be real but also too crazy. Things like this don’t just happen. But just for this moment I can treasure it and live it to the fullest and make good use of it.
“Since I already now you, let me tell you about me so that we are about even. If you want to know anything further just go ahead and ask.”
“I will” And so I started to talk about everything about me I could think of. Not only did I want to be fair to let him know something about me, but truthfully I was also egoistic and just wanted to let a famous person know about me and just hope that he might remember me, my name and the experience he shared with me. Just this once I wanted to feel important as well.
Throughout the time we were talking we made a deal: Everything said in this room stays in this room. We can talk about everything, because after this incident we won’t be seeing each other ever again. We both became something like a friends with benefits, however just for talking. Talking to a completely new person about your problems just illuminates a completely new view which was a nice change for me as well as him.
“Okay, let me ask you a few questions about your idol life. It’s that what interested me the most when I was a fan back then. If there’s anything you don’t want to answer, just skip it.” He scratches his head already dreading some questions.
“Are you happy?” A simple question, yet it holds so much meaning. When I was a fan I wished nothing but happiness for him and his bandmates, but I always feared them to be not. Before he replies he sighs deeply.
“Truthfully I don’t know how to answer that. I am very happy for having so many fans that accept me for who I am, who take me with all my imperfections, weird characteristics and just tolerate everything I do. This unconditional love makes me feel so honored. I have enough money which I can give my family to have a nice life and even for myself I have endless possibilities, but well let me say it like this, I don’t have the chance to spend all this money. And that’s something I almost regret. Yes, saving money is good, but what use is it on my bank account when I can not use the money to experience something, something that makes me experience new things or… or I don’t know. Just something that I will remember? I am spending the best time of my life, my youth, as an idol and even though it has many perks it has even more disadvantages. I miss those times when I could walk around freely through the streets, not fearing anyone following me around and seeing everything I do on the media the next day. I miss all those things that seem natural to an ordinary person, but as a celebrity I had to give everything up. I miss a normal friend whom I can talk to, that isn’t influenced by my fame or who just wants to get to know me to take advantage of my popularity. I miss a friend that isn’t another idol or bandmate. I miss my family that I hardly see. Furthermore I have so much stress, I sometimes cannot even sleep well. Those days I just feel like shit. When I am on stage it feels like I am in paradise, because I forget about all my physical pains and just try my best to deliver a good performance, however when I get off stage it all comes back to me. So, am I happy?"
"....." a short moment of silence.
“Wow, what an answer, didn’t expect that. Why don’t we go to another topic. Relationships. You should be well informed about all the secret dating that’s going on. How many idol couples actually exist?”
“A lot, seriously. Most of them are within the agencies. It’s easier that way.”
“I can imagine. Is it easy to find a partner within the same company?”
“Hm, I think so. Usually people make their connections over their trainee days and there you still have the chance to talk freely to males and females and you can start collection your phone numbers and make group chats and all. At that point of your career the companies usually don’t really care about you just yet.”
“Aaah, your trainee days sure were exhausting.”
“You can bet on it! All the blood, sweat and tears. The permanent worry of not being enough and the high competition really drains you psychologically.”
“But would you become a trainee again? Maybe at a different company?”
“Definitely. All those experiences and all the hard work paid off. If I didn’t become a trainee at Big Hit I wouldn’t have met all my bandmates… and him. But I’d also be curious as to how it would’ve been at another company. I do have friends at other companies like Yugyeom in JYP and Jaehyun in SM, so I have a little insight of how it is in a big company but being there myself is surely a different feeling.”
“You mean RM with ‘him’, right?”
Jungkook stared at his legs and smiled faintly at that. “I do.” He replies, what somehow sounded like a lie.
“Since you mentioned those two, Yugyeom and Jaehyun that is, how are they?”
“Both fine. Just have their couple problems. Nothing dramatic.”
“They are a couple?? What??” I almost screamed in the tiny room. My opposite starts laughing at my astonishment.
“Never ever. Yugyeom and Jaehyun….. They don’t fit together at all….. Not to mention they don’t even like each other… Haha!”
“Oh, uhm then who are they together with?” After that question I noticed that his exaggerated laughter was some kind of defense mechanism, because he suspected this question to come and he wasn’t sure if he could actually talk about his friends’ partners, since they are a little out of the ordinary.
I noticed that change in his look at that question and decided to skip this question for now and focus on another topic first.
“Forget about that, they are your friends. But I am really surprised that they don’t like each other. Not necessarily with those two, but you all look so happy with your bandmates and other idols, like I thought it was some kind of exclusive club where everyone likes everyone. Like all of you are the chosen and successful ones, that can look down on us normal mortal beings. Just how fake is everything you show in front of the camera?” I ask worriedly, dreading all my happy moments to turn into lies.
“More than you’d hope. I’m sorry to disappoint you with that…. Yeah they are my friends, but remember? Just today we may say everything without holding back.” He smiled reassuringly and I nod. Once again I couldn’t believe this dream like reality I was trapped in.
“Of course we’re more friendly that what we actually are in front of the camera. We have to exaggerate everything a little. That’s what our companies tell us to do. In general they plan everything, just seldomly they leave things to us. Those things happened rather later in the career. In the beginning the managers dictate us what to say in interviews, how to behave, whom to act close with, with whom or how the fanservice is done and who’s turn it is for the fanservice to name a few. We might be an exclusive club, but I think especially because of that the competition between the different groups is even higher. Each group fights for fans, because they are our fundament for being where we are. Of course one have their connections here and there but bandmates really hating each other is rather rare. But I know for example that Jaehyun actually doesn’t like a few of his members, but they’re so many that’s really a different matter…. He will hate me for this but, if I had to say names, it would be Jungwoo and Haechan. I also know that the EXO members don’t really get along with each other. As far as I know they keep it at a very professional basis, but have their actual friends mostly outside of the group.
As for me, I haven’t found a second family in my bandmates but rather some good … friends? We are not soulmates and we actually fight more that what it looks like on screen. Yeah we do watch parts of our own shows, in order to know how to enhance our behavior and stuff. I can totally see that people would think we have an extremely close bond and love for each other, and partially that’s even true, but that is just in the beginning. Like in any relationship. In the beginning everything is new, you are young, you experience things for the first time and you stay close to become strong, but over time we become independent, even from each other. That doesn’t mean, that I don’t rely on them or that I don’t talk about my worries with them, but it’s more like it’s becoming more and more like a pragmatic friendship and once our idol life ends, I feel like we might be still in contact but definitely not as much, because we find new friends, because we have a wider possibility to chose from and we will stick with those we truly chose ourselves. If one of my current bandmates will be part of my “true” friends in the future, I don’t know yet. For some I truly hope that though.”
Just as I wanted to say something, rustling noises came from the speakers. I look up and hasty stand up. Jungkook just looks at me, leaving the situation to me when the familiar voice from earlier was to be heard again through the speakers.
“Hello, are you still in the elevator?”
“Yes, we are! The lights are already shut down and nobody came yet!” I desperately shouted into the mic.
“I figured, the control lamp hasn’t turned off after all. I will ask again for the electrician. He should’ve been there long time ago already….”
“Excuse me, what time is it now? Both our mobiles don’t work anymore, so we don’t know how many hours passed by now.”
“It’s already past midnight.” The hotline dude replied sheepishly. I groaned loudly and just pleaded him to hurry, in order for us to get out faster. Not that I wouldn’t value the time I spend with Jungkook here and getting to know about his real life, but I’m grown already and need to take care of other things and I’m sure Jungkook has a schedule as well. I sigh as I sit down.
“He said, he will make sure the guy to rescue us is hurrying up…. Apparently we’ve been stuck for already two hours in here…”
“Oh wow, I guess my manager will hate me.”
“What are you doing here to begin with? Shouldn’t you be in Korea?”
“Haha, no, the whole group is here for our comeback photo shooting. We finished a little earlier today and since it was already dark outside our manager allowed us to go outside for a while. Suga, J-Hope and Jin are in a bar drinking, and the rest went to a restaurant.”
“And you?”
“I’m the stray kid. No just kidding, I wanted some time alone and wanted to look at the fashion and observe the people here. When I am in another country and can’t even talk to the locals, I’d still try to gain an impression of them of following their daily schedules. But now I guess I am lucky to have actually met one of the locals.” He smiles widely.
“Seems like it.” I smile friendly back. After a moment of silence a thought crossed my mind and out of curiosity I asked right away:
“Since we decided, to erase everything that happened or has been discussed in this space and part ways after our rescue, what do you intent to tell the others?” I asked wondering. Jungkook muses for a moment and replies:
“Hm, got stuck in an elevator with a local and had a nice chat? Maybe I’ll add that I was able to talk to a really nice person about things that are important to me and that I wish for that person not to fully leave my environment, because it’s really refreshing to speak to someone who isn’t into all this celebrity stuff and shows me another perspective I have long forgotten.”
He finished with a slightly pleading gaze and I had no clue what he said. His pronunciation was a little messy and all I could understand was the first sentence. The rest were just incoherent words.
“Sorry, I didn’t really understand you, your pronunciation was a little hard to understand and a little too fast for me to follow except for the first sentence.”
A faint smile graced his lips and he resumes this time slower and precise pronunciation: “Don’t worry, it wasn’t anything important.”
“Ah okay, I see.”
A loud thud was heard from far away and as it seems someone was there. A man then shouted through the mall that he was the electrician and that we would be out of there soon enough. I sigh in relief and notice that my time is limited with Jungkook, but I haven’t got answered my most concerning questions. If I had to bring the topic back up, it’s now.
“We had the topic earlier already, but would you mind telling me more about the couples in your industry? It’s something that won’t let me sleep at night.” I admit, but purposely leaving out the information that I was a hardcore shipping fan and that the electrician was actually soon to get us out of there. I wanted him to keep his relaxed attitude.
“You’re right, I allowed you to ask anything, so I don’t mind. *sigh* Let me start with Jaehyun…. I don’t know how you’ll react to this, but I have the impression you or people from any other country are more open minded regarding this issue, so I just tell you. Well, you see Jaehyun is together with Taeyong.” He pauses, waiting for my reaction but seeing nothing but acceptance and tolerance he continued with a peaceful conscience: “And for Yugyeom, he’s together with BamBam….”
“Oh wow, okay the second couple I didn’t expect at all. But Back then I had a hunch of Jaehyun and Taeyong.”
“The fans are way to over-analyzing everything we do and I don’t know how they receive some information but some people that cut videos and make idols look like a couples are probably the reason for that. This once they were right though.”
Really just this once? I thought.
“But there are also many “normal” relationships!” Jungkook resumes, his pace a little faster now. “Baekhyun and Taeyeon are a couple as well, Hani and Heechul, Kyulkyoung and Jackson and many more. Extemporaneously I cannot tell you each and every one, just know that there are many.”
“I see. But, you know about the analyzing videos on YouTube? Like the shipping stuff the fans upload?!” I asked frantically, feeling somehow exposed for all the fandom.
“Unfortunately yeah….” He scratches his head. My head turns red from heat, even though I have never made any of those videos I felt the embarrassment for the whole fandom through my body. “You know, it’s kinda awkward to see myself being ‘shipped’ with people I barely interact with. I don’t particularly mind it, I just don’t understand why fans think that way. But I have to admit, that those videos are actually also used to warn ourselves, when some of us are too touchy feely and gaining suspiciousness from the fans.”
“Okay but in how far were those videos relevant for you? Are some hunches of the fans between BTS true, or everything just speculating?” That was one of the few answers I really wanted to know so badly. Throughout my Army-time I always wondered if my favorite ship was real, or if it was all just acting.
“Partially, I guess. Suga has many videos with other members, but he’s actually having fun with many girls….. He doesn’t stick to one person, he’s just not the person to dedicate himself to another person. RM and Jin don’t have that many videos or rumors about them and in fact they are not really dating, technically I guess? Let’s call it fwb.” Another term I didn’t understand, but it was not about my ship so I could let that information slide. “J-Hope has a girlfriend, ever since debut actually. She’s from his high school so you wouldn’t know her. Jimin is our single bird who claims that he isn’t interested in girls or anyone, but we all just tease him about that”
Just as he wanted to continue with the next member, the elevator breaks made a loud screeching noise and the elevator dropped a little, surprising us both. Apparently the electrician has been already working on the elevator.
“You two, I am almost finished, you’ll get out there in a moment. Prepare yourself for another drop, this time it’ll be bigger.”
We stand up and waited in silence for the elevator to move again. During this silence my heart ached, having not received the answer I was looking forward to the most. After a moment the elevator dropped once again and stopped shortly after.
“You’ll be able to open the door in a second!”
We both look at each other glad that we made it. Before we would part ways I just needed to ask this, otherwise I couldn’t die in peace.
“You and Taehyung. Are you couple?” The moment he opens his mouth to answer this question truthfully, the elevator door opens and a man shouts for the idol, which made him look to the familiar voice.
“Jungkook! Get out of there quickly, you don’t know how much we all worried about you. Hurry up, we are late!”
As if everything that happened until this moment never happened, Jungkook looked back to me, smiled and bowed faintly and bid his goodbye in English. Setting our relationship back to zero. No, why is this happening now? I got off the elevator as quickly as Jungkook and thanked the electrician for getting us out of there at this late time. Jungkook and his manager already went ahead and I was unsure if I should catch up to them or leave it.
If I leave now, it will be good.
Everything I meet, it will be great.
My changing heart, it will work.
My lightened heart, it will be great.
Everything that unfolds will be good.
It already glimmers in front of my eyes, so why.
Why do I hesitate?
*beep* *beep* *beep*
Loud beeping noises erupt next to my head. I feel incredibly exhausted and with my eyes still closed I reach out to my alarm clock in order to turn off the terrible alarm. I slowly prop myself up and finally make an end to the noise.
Was yesterday real? I have no memory of going to my car or driving home in anyway. I also don’t know what happened in the mall, did I stand still or what happened? I don’t know.
I follow my morning routine as usual and pluck my mobile in an electric socket, because it indeed ran out of battery. When I was at breakfast my mobile had enough energy to be used again, and I decided to take a look and the BTS fan sites like I did a few years ago. After a short search I found what I was looking for.
When I read the headline, I couldn’t believe my eyes. Apparently all the BTS members are in Korea right now. So it was really a dream…. I figured…. But it was a nice dream, even though it was not real, it was amazing to relive something from my past that I loved so much back then. I guess that also explains why I didn’t get the answer to my last question. I laughed defeatedly to myself.
I put my mobile back on the table and continued my morning routine and was almost leaving the apartment when I had a thought. I think I should save him in my contacts. It’s crazy but in my dream we were like friends and having a small reminder of my beautiful past wouldn’t hurt anyway. I unlock my phone and want to create a new contact. I press in ‘Jungkook’ when my mobile suggests the name from another contact which made me wonder. I didn’t save someone under that name. I canceled the action and looked into my mobile’s phone book and scrolled down to the letter J. And for some unexplainable reason there was actually a contact named ‘Jungkook’ and a foreign phone number was provided as well as a very odd Kakao Talk ID.
Within the contact there was a photo of Jungkook and a small note that said:
If by chance we meet again, it shall be beautiful. If not it can’t be helped.
I couldn’t believe my eyes.
Why?