Chapter Text
Author's Note: Sing Me Home is an AU fic diverging from my main story Goodnight Love. This fic can be read as a stand-alone and is primarily Rick/OC.
Help Me Hold Onto You
Imogen leaned her elbows on the balcony railing, her grey gaze fixed almost unseeingly on the sidewalk far below, watching Negan ruffle up Sam’s fair hair before grinning down at Jessie, who smiled shyly up at him. God, if Negan was anymore obvious… Normally, he went for the widows or the reluctantly single women, dazzling them with his dark good looks and charm, but now he was stepping out of his comfort zone. Before the world went to hell, it hadn’t mattered if his prey was attached or not, as long as they were willing. But the world had become a lot smaller since then, and Negan didn’t want to stir trouble within their small community, so he’d sown his wild oats sparingly and with care. Now he was suddenly and inexplicably casting his sights on Jessie, the pretty wife of Alexandria’s resident doctor and surgeon, and Imogen’s erstwhile boss.
She shook her head to herself, wondering if Negan had lost his wits, or if he had finally just simply succumbed to temptation. She knew Negan had always had his eye on Jessie, seeing her as a challenge, but he’d never openly shown his interest until now. Meanwhile, Jessie was unerringly faithful to Pete despite the fact it was an open secret he hit her on the regular. Imogen didn’t dislike Jessie, but they weren’t exactly friends either. Last year, Imogen had approached Jessie at the annual Mother’s Day picnic after accidentally walking in on Pete violently shoving Jessie when Imogen had came in early to start her shift at the infirmary. Pete had shrugged it off as a lover’s tiff, Jessie doing the same, but Imogen had been unconvinced. Everyone seen the bruises Jessie sported on occasion. So, Imogen had drawn Jessie aside, tentatively offering her support, but Jessie hadn’t wanted to know.
Now it seemed Negan wanted to know, playing the good guy to get into Jessie’s pants. Teaching the older kids and running the sports club gave him an opening since Jessie’s sons attended both and he had long since established a good rapport with them, acting like a cool older uncle they could confide in. Now he was exploiting this angle to get even closer to Jessie, her sons her weak spot. The thought made Imogen smile bitterly despite everything. The world could end and the dead might rise, but Negan would never change. He had cheated on his wife repeatedly with different women, before meeting and knocking up Imogen, making her his mistress on the side, only to eventually cheat on her too. Meanwhile, she’d remained pointlessly faithful to a man who didn’t understand the meaning of the word. She’d only stuck it out initially because she thought Negan gave a damn – albeit reluctantly - about her. She was the one he always came back to, the mother of his child. But now she’d come to realise that Negan only came back because he had nothing better to do. Otherwise, he’d be off, exploring pastures anew.
Behind her, Tess was now talking away to her dolls, scolding one for spilling some imaginary milk. The sound roused Imogen, making her glance over her shoulder, only to see Tess shaking her head reprovingly at a large baby doll, her small face set in a stern frown. Despite everything, Imogen repressed a smile. Her daughter was worth it all, worth everything. She was a beautiful little girl, with long dark brown hair, green eyes and dimples, but Imogen couldn’t see a scrap of herself in Tess, only a reflection of Negan.
“Mommy?”
Imogen caught herself. “Yes, baby girl?” she asked, pushing herself with both hands off the balcony railing. “What’s up?”
Tess hesitated, deliberating. “Daddy said he’d get me a new doll,” she then pouted, “but he hasn’t.”
“Don’t you have enough dolls?” Imogen said pointedly, squatting down in front of Tess, whilst secretly cursing Negan into the cornfield for making promises he couldn’t keep.
The supply run crew had better things to do than search for damned dolls but Negan had asked them to do precisely just that last week. Things were still tense in that quarter since Negan had lost his spot with them. He had broken Nicholas’s nose last year, albeit for good reason. Warranted or not, it still didn't save him from being kicked off the crew. Now he kept harassing them for luxury items and non-essentials. If it had been any other man, Imogen would have just smiled indulgently for spoiling their daughter so, but since it was Negan, she suspected it was just done out of sheer spite.
“No, I don’t think so, Mommy,” Tess said, shaking her head vehemently.
Imogen stood up, holding her hand out to Tess. “C’mon, shall we go and feed the ducks?” she suggested, quickly changing the subject.
“Daddy says we weren’t to do that anymore.”
“How’s that?”
“He says those ‘darned ducks eat like goddarn kings already’,” Tess quoted in her piping voice. “‘ 'And they don’t deserve our crusts, no sirrah’.”
Imogen rolled her eyes. “Daddy is just running off his mouth,” she then said, exhaling sharply.
Nobody in the household ate crusts, and since food waste had to be kept to a minimum, Negan would often promise to whip up some French toast chips and other culinary delights with the leftover crusts. Except he never actually did and the large Tupperware box of crusts remained in the fridge where they just quietly went stale unless Imogen fed them to the ducks. But to be perverse, Negan always said the crusts were to be left be, and Imogen always ignored his edicts, leading to neverending petty arguments.
“But I don’t wanna go to the pond! I wanna - I wanna go the pantry!” Tess whined as Imogen took her hand, trying to tug herself free. “I wanna a new dress, Mommy!"
“No, Teresa,” Imogen snapped, thinking of Tess's packed closet. “You have enough bloody dresses that you don't even wear half the time.”
“That’s not fair!”
“When is anything?” Imogen retorted. “Now come on, let’s go and feed those dam- dratted ducks before Daddy gets back.”
“Mommy, my feet are tired,” Tess complained, holding her arms out to be lifted up.
At this, Imogen reluctantly swung Tess up onto her hip, only to get bashed on the head by Tess’s large baby doll as she did. “Hey, watch where you’re putting that thing,” she snapped, sweat beginning to drip down the back of her neck. Walking to the pond in this heat had been a very bad idea, especially having to now carry a heavy five-year-old home. But it was her own fault, not Tess’s, and she just had to suck it up.
Gritting her teeth, Imogen set off along the sidewalk, trying not to wince as Tess tightened her arm around her neck, dark head lolling against her mother’s shoulder. As Imogen cut past the gate, it was only to slow to a stop at seeing Nicholas roll it open to admit several strangers, Aaron leading the way, supporting a limping Eric.
“Imogen,” Aaron acknowledged, raising his hand to her and Tess.
Imogen jerked her chin in response, but her attention was riveted on the people slowly entering Alexandria, glancing around them with wary gazes. It had been a long time since Aaron had brought anyone back. The last newcomer had been Enid, a young teenage girl, but she’d come across Alexandria by chance through her own agency, turning up at the gate covered in blood and looking like Carrie.
“Mommy, look, that man has a baby!” Tess cried excitedly, straightening up.
Imogen glanced up, startled. She’d been too busy staring at the guy with a crossbow slung across his back who was holding a dead possum up by the tail and sniffing it, much to Nicholas’s horror. So much so, she had entirely missed the man and the baby he was carrying in his arms, his gaze startling blue above the thick grey beard covering his grubby weather-beaten face.
“Hello, hello, I have a baby too, look!” Tess called over to him, holding her doll up as she wriggled to get down.
The man slowed to a stop, caught offguard, before staring at Tess in suspicion.
“Teresa, no!” Imogen hissed, tightening her grip on Tess.
“But I wanna see the baby!”
“Leave it be, Teresa!” Imogen hissed again, noting the gun the man was holding in his other hand. “We’re not at the bloody zoo!”
“But mommy, it’s a baby!” Tess beamed, eyes alight with awe.
"I don't care!" Imogen snapped, forgetting to lower her voice. "It's rude to stare!"
The man hesitated, before shooting a curious glance at Imogen upon hearing her pronounced English accent. “It’s OK,” he then said uneasily in his own slow Southern drawl, before coming over to them, stowing away his Colt Python as he moved. “She ain’t doin’ any harm.”
Jaw tightening, Imogen reluctantly set Tess onto the sidewalk, the man then kneeling down in front of her to show Tess the baby, Tess showing them both her own baby doll. As Tess chattered on, the man patiently listening to her, absentmindedly running his hand over the baby’s fair hair now and again; his companions gathered together nearby in a close huddle, talking in low voices. Now and again, a young teenage boy wearing a battered Stetson atop his messy dark hair would glance over in the man’s direction.
Imogen folded her arms across her chest, trying not to look at the baby, even as her gaze was reluctantly drawn to it regardless. Trying for another baby was a constant refrain in her twisted relationship with Negan. But after her miscarriage a few years ago, she shot down the idea every time, much to Negan’s anger and frustration. Like Negan, she wanted another child, but unlike Negan, she was too terrified to try, leaving them at an impasse.
“Are you her daddy?” Tess then asked the man shyly, swaying from side to side, still staring at the baby in wonder.
“Yeah,” the man replied, a strange shadow briefly passing across his face. “Her name’s Judith, Judith Grimes.”
“I’m Tess,” Tess said, hugging her doll to herself. “And this is my mommy.”
The man glanced up at Imogen, as if just remembering her existence, but not before giving her bare legs a long good look, making Imogen glare at him, angered by his audacity. He’d only been here for two minutes and he was already trying to get his feet under the table. Catching himself, he then got to his feet, balancing Judith on his hip. “I’m… I’m Rick,” he said awkwardly, his blue gaze flickering over Imogen again, hesitating before holding out a filthy hand for her to shake.
“Come on, Tess,” Imogen said, ignoring his outstretched hand. “Daddy will be wondering where we are.”
“Where the fu- hell have you been?” Negan snapped, barely stopping himself in time from swearing as Imogen and Tess came through the front door, Imogen giving him a warning glare.
“We went to the pond,” Tess reeled off, running over to him to be lifted up, “and I saw a real baby!”
“You did!?” Negan said in exaggerated disbelief as he then gingerly kissed the baby doll Tess was holding out to him, a tradition he reluctantly adhered to at all times.
“Uh huh, and she’s called Judith!” Tess exclaimed as Imogen locked the door, closing it a little too hard.
“Is this for real?” Negan said to Imogen, noting the tense cast of her shoulders, sensing something had royally pissed her off, and it wasn’t him for once.
“Yeah, it is,” Imogen said impatiently, “Aaron brought back a big group just there. One of the guys had a baby with him.”
Negan stared at her, startled. “Out there is no place to have a kid, man,” he then said, shaking his head. “Guy must have been out of his goddamn mind.”
“Maybe it just happened, you know, like a happy little accident,” Imogen snapped. “Wouldn’t be the first time, right?” She shot Negan an accusatory glance over the top of Tess’s dark head, making him tilt his chin.
“I’m not the one complaining here,” he said dangerously, something in his voice making Imogen fall silent, loathe to say anymore in front of Tess.
She had been nineteen when Negan had knocked her up, only for him to confess he was married. Panicking, she had been all set for an abortion without thinking it through first, until her brother had intervened, saying he would support her regardless, but she had to make the decision from a place of safety first. Negan had refused to even countenance the idea of abortion, emotionally blackmailing her into keeping the baby. He had held it against her ever since, refusing to understand where she had been coming from.
Negan set Tess down, the little girl running into the lounge, babbling away to her doll. Imogen turned away from him, tiredly running her hands through her long black hair, pushing it out of her eyes. Negan studied her, wondering again at how he could hate but want her so much all at once. It had always been like this between them, but something had changed after the miscarriage. He no longer enjoyed the fights they would finish in the bedroom, their arguments now stopping short at the bedroom door. Imogen's temper had once been a huge turn-on, Negan relishing the challenge she presented. But now, as soon as she retaliated, he was repelled, even as he couldn’t seem to stop himself from goading her.
“You know, the kid wouldn’t be acting as if she’d seen a fucking unicorn if we got down to business about making a baby of our own,” Negan then said quietly, bracing himself for the storm surely about to break.
But he wanted another child, even as everything was going wrong with Imogen. He had always wanted to be a father and teaching had been a poor substitute. His wife Lucille had been unable to have kids, so Tess had been his second chance, one he’d never expected to have, except Imogen had almost thrown it away, much to his fury.
Imogen slowly turned around, wondering at his sheer audacity after she’d just seen him making up to Jessie. Why would she want to try for another baby with a whoring son of a bitch who was now busy trying to get into her boss’s wife’s pants? “I said no, Negan,” she then said just as quietly, before heading upstairs, Negan watching her go.
Who could ever leave me darling
But who could stay?