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Jet and Zuko get into another argument and Zuko stays with Sokka that night.
Zuko knows that Sokka wonders why he stays with Jet. He sees the worry in Sokka's eyes and the doubt ready to come off of his tongue.
The thing is, this is Zuko's first real relationship. Jet holds a lot of Zuko's firsts and he isn’t sure if he is ready to throw it all away because of Jet's short temper. Maybe their relationship isn’t healthy, but has any relationship in Zuko's life ever been really healthy? Does Zuko even deserve healthy to begin with?
“This is the third time this month…” Sokka says as he grabs a pillow and some blankets to set Zuko up on the couch, “You know, if things are getting… bad with Jet you shouldn’t stay with him.”
Zuko isn’t really sure what is considered bad. He doesn’t know because he has never really ever had good.
“I know,” Zuko says anyway, “We're just going through a rough patch.”
Sokka shakes his head. He knows that he is calling bs because Zuko says the same thing every time. For a split second, Zuko worries that Sokka is going to push it this time. Thankfully, he just finishes setting up the couch and says, “I’ll be in my room if you need to talk.”
Zuko never talks about it.
He goes back to Jet the next morning. He always does.
Jet is always apologetic, overly so almost. He buys Zuko flowers and makes him breakfast, and later he spreads Zuko out on the bed. The sex after the fights is good, it almost makes up for the fights themselves. Zuko thinks it's probably intentional, and the sad thing is it works. Zuko almost looks forward to the fighting because he knows that afterwards, Jet does everything he can to make Zuko feel wanted. The extreme lows from the fight, where Zuko feels like a worthless dick, get brought back up with extreme highs from love and sex an-
He knows it’s bad. It’s toxic. But it’s the best he’ll get.
He doesn’t get that love this time though. Zuko didn’t think the low could get lower, but it turns out it can. Zuko returns to an empty apartment, Jet must have gone to work or… maybe he left forever. Zuko is too anxious to do anything himself, the fight the night before was bad, but was it any worse than their usual fights? Did Zuko do something to upset Jet for real this time? Did Jet finally decide that Zuko was more than it was worth?
He waits around all day. He skips work. He skips the gym (which he usually goes to with Sokka). He skips breakfast, lunch, and dinner. He skips it all to watch the door and beg for it to open with Jet to come back and tell Zuko that he loves him. He needs the love because otherwise…
Zuko’s head fills with self-doubt that turns into self hatred. He knows that he is a hard person to love, that's why he gets yelled at so much by Jet. Zuko needs a lot. He needs constant assurance that he isn’t fucking up and he needs someone outgoing enough to drag him out when he is stuck in his head, and people don’t want to love someone they need to take care of all the time. Zuko understands that, and he always thought that he would be ready for the time when Jet would leave him for someone easier.
When Jet returns, Zuko is on the cusp of a panic attack, but Jet seems to ignore it. He says nothing, but is all over him in an instant, but not in the loving way he usually is after their fights. Jet's hands are cold, his eyes are cold. Zuko can’t breathe. He might whimper, but he doesn’t know because Jet holds his hand over Zuko’s mouth.
Zuko’s mind is jumbled. He wanted the love; he was expecting the love. This isn’t right. Jet is rough when removing Zuko’s clothes. He knows Zuko well enough to know exactly what spots get him riled up and uses that against him. Gone are the gentle, meticulous touches. This isn’t love, this just feels like more punishment.
Jet's fingers are inside of Zuko and his lips are on his neck and Zuko feels himself hardening and responding even though he doesn’t really want to. He wants this to be mutual. He wants love. This hurts in more ways than one.
Zuko is numb after. Jet doesn’t hold Zuko close. He leaves Zuko on the bed covered in dried come and grabs an overnight bag, “I think I’m gonna go over to Pipsqueaks.”
Zuko wants to die. There have been a couple of times before with Jet when Zuko has felt used after sex. Usually, that’s the way Jet likes it, he likes getting rough with Zuko. But usually, it isn’t directly after an argument. Usually, Zuko can at least have the satisfaction of getting Jet off too. Jet didn’t even come himself, Zuko wonders if he even enjoyed it. Plus, usually Jet sticks around.
When he leaves, Zuko is sick even though he hasn’t eaten anything all day. Maybe it’s because he hasn’t eaten all day. He doesn’t even get out of bed to puke. Now he is covered in puke and come but he can’t bring himself to do anything. His mind is filled with nothing and everything all at once.
He does what he always does. Bother Sokka.
Sokka picks up the phone on the second ring, “Hey Zuko, everything okay? You weren't at the gym today.”
It takes a really long time for Zuko to speak. Long enough that Sokka sends two worried “Zuko are you there?” through the phone.
“I think… I need some help.” Zuko feels muddled, the words are disconnected from himself. He feels like he is playing the game he used to play with Azula when they were kids, where he would get in the water and scream out a sentence and Azula would try to guess what he is saying. He doesn’t really know what side he is on right now though, is he screaming or guessing?
“Okay, where are you bud?”
Zuko tells Sokka that he is at home. He doesn’t end up saying anything else, but Sokka stays on the phone and talks to Zuko the whole ten minutes from his place to Zukos. Zuko wonders if Jet left the door unlocked. He wonders what time it is, Sokka likes his sleep, he hopes he isn’t fucking up his schedule. Zuko knows he should get up, at least put on pants, but as soon as the thought crosses his mind it’s gone again.
Sokka falters when he comes into the room. He probably wasn’t expecting Zuko to be naked in his bed covered in his own puke. He only falters for a second before he is wrapping a towel around Zuko and pulling him into a hug.
For a second, his mind clears. This is the love he needed. The love he didn’t get from Jet when he needed it. Zuko relaxes into Sokka's chest.
“I think Jet’s done with me,” Zuko says to Sokka. Though, he isn’t entirely sure that's what happened. Maybe this is nothing to Jet. Maybe he is expecting to come back to the apartment tomorrow with Zuko still in bed or with breakfast ready. Maybe this is a bigger deal to Zuko than it is to Jet. Either way, Zuko can’t feel like this again, he can’t feel all of the hate and none of the love and actually survive.
Sokka doesn’t ask questions. He doesn’t say i told you so, he just pulls Zuko to the bathroom so that Zuko can shower and Sokka packs up some of Zuko's things. He doesn’t really remember the drive back to Sokka's place. He doesn’t remember being laid down in Sokka's bed. He does remember asking Sokka to lay with him though, just for a little bit, just until he falls asleep.
Sokka asks about it in the morning, when Zuko's head is a bit more clear and he is a little more verbal.
“Zuko, I think that was sexual assault,” Sokka says, the expression on his face is filled with anger and sorrow.
Zuko isn’t sure if he agrees with that. Even if he didn’t want it like that, Zuko had never said no or even attempted to push Jet away. Jet had never asked Zuko if what was going on was okay, but then again, Jet never really cared for that sort of thing. Plus, Zuko came, he must have enjoyed some parts of it, right?
Sokka assured him that none of that matters. He didn’t want it. End of story.
Zuko is off for the rest of the day. He is clingy like no other, he barely lets Sokka leave his sight, and thankfully Sokka doesn’t mind. What now, is the question on loop in his brain, and he is sure that it is on Sokka's too.
It’s around eight pm when Zuko asks, “Can I stay again tonight?”
Sokka pulls Zuko closer to him, “Of course, for as long as you need.”
Zukos sighs deeply and shoves his head into Sokka’s neck, “I think I might have to take you up on that.”
Zuko had been thinking about it all day. He thinks that the best thing right now is to break up with Jet. That means telling Jet to get the fuck out of his apartment. But Zuko is kind, and isn’t going to kick Jet out on his ass with nowhere to go, so he will probably give him a couple of weeks to figure it out. If that's the case, he doesn’t want to see or be around Jet at all. Therefore, he would live with Sokka.
He tells Sokka the plan, and that’s that. Zuko calls Jet the next day. Jet is surprisingly compliant which makes Zuko think that Jet was done with him before he even fucked him that night. Probably longer than that.
“I already plan on moving into Longshots place,” Jet says. “But the lease doesn’t start until May.”
“Yeah, whatever,” Zuko says. May is three weeks from now.
“I hope he pays for rent and shit,” Sokka says once Zuko has hung up.
Zuko shrugs. He can’t believe that nearly a year with Jet is over just like that. The worst thing is that for Jet, Zuko was probably nothing. Just a warm body for him to use and manipulate, but for Zuko, Jet was… huge. A big part of him. Now it’s over and he feels empty and used and gross.
Sokka turns on Howl’s Moving Castle, a movie that they both love. Zuko lets himself stay pressed up against Sokka’s side and turns off his brain, just for a little bit. He lets himself be encompassed by the love that Sokka is giving him.