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Lucifer stood at the balcony outside of his penthouse, his thoughts an emotional avalanche as he thought about the evening’s events. It was interesting—the way such a calm atmosphere could transform into chaos, seemingly out of nowhere.
He thought about the stillness that had followed after the fact. It had been the first time in what felt like forever that he and Chloe could so much as stand next to each to other, let alone have a civil conversation.
Their earlier heart to heart came to mind as he took another drink from the glass of whiskey in his hand.
“You’re the Devil, but you’re also an angel.”
“Im not so sure I am an angel anymore.”
“What do you mean?”
“After I killed Pierce, when my devil face returned, I never checked to see if my wings were still there. I still haven’t, afraid that they’re gone. For good reason.”
Lucifer had a hard time believing that he could say he wasn’t the devil he’d been so many millennia ago. After all, he didn’t lie.
All of the things he’d done in the past twenty-four hours alone…none of it was morally right.
How could he call himself an angel now?
“Well, you know, I think you should look. Maybe you’ll be surprised at what you find.”
How could she have so much faith in him, after everything he’d done?
The question still didn’t have an answer he could see, but she could be right. Maybe he would surprise himself. Stranger things have happened; he was sure of that much.
But despite all of that, he had his doubts; what would he do if they were no longer there?
What would it say about him?
“You’re the Devil, but you’re also an angel.”
Lucifer wished he could say the same, but he would be lying if he did. After what he did yesterday, and what he almost did today…to say it was immoral would be an understatement.
The only solace he had was knowing that he’d stopped himself, albeit barely.
Lucifer set the glass down and went back inside, not wanting the humans on the street below to get so much as a glimpse of his wings. From what he’s seen in the past, evidence of divinity has been proven to be too much for them to handle.
Of course that’s assuming they were even still there. Uncertainty bordering on fear bubbled up and swirled around in the pit of his stomach, like a witch’s brew.
Gradually, the fear began to grow.
His newfound fear of the unknown.
Well…it was now or never. He found it nearly impossible to believe that he could ever again work up the nerve to check for something like this. For such a major part of his identity.
An angel.
Lucifer took a deep breath, and rolled his shoulders. His wings flew open with a loud whoosh. So they were still there. He felt oddly relieved by that.
Maybe he had nothing to worry about after all.
Lucifer looked over his shoulder, and his relief was torn to shreds. His eyes went wide with horror. His breath caught in his throat.
“No!” The word came out in a strangled gasp, as if the nightmarish sight alone had sucked the air out of his lungs. Not even the horrors Hell itself offered could compare to this.
It was the worst metamorphosis he’d ever seen in his immortal life. Gone were his angel wings. He never really realized just how beautiful they had been. How little he’d appreciated them. He wondered if his hatred for them would’ve been as strong as it was if he’d known this would happen.
All he saw now were huge, bloodred wings akin to a bat’s. His devil wings.
Lucifer didn’t understand. He’d stopped himself. Why was this happening to him?
He remembered nearly losing all control in Tiernan’s office, all the while his angel and devil whispered to him. How ironic it had been for the Devil himself to nearly fall victim to temptation, and yet he’d come far too close to it.
He had been so close…
“Lucifer, Lucifer, stop.”
“Lucifer, do it.”
Their voices were distant, almost muted, as though he was deep underwater. Lucifer was drowning. Drowning in his own fury, yet he wouldn’t come up for air. He didn’t want to.
And he didn’t want her to see him like this. “Detective…leave.”
Even now, he could hear them whispering to him, like they were ghosts coming to haunt him. “Stop,” echoed the angel, as the devil once again whispered, “Do it.”
In the end, he’d listened to Chloe. He’d listened to the angel. He’d done the right thing.
So why?
Lucifer looked over his shoulder at his burdens, and he imagined himself cutting them off. He couldn’t care less about the familiar pain that would follow.
He could picture it already. Standing on the beach, watching his severed wings burn…smiling as the wretched things turned to ash…walking away from what was left of them…it wasn’t something he had to think about. His decision was set in stone. He wanted them gone.
Suddenly, he was struck with an unwelcome memory. The memory of the day Chloe confronted him, after she’d tried to send him back to Hell.
The day she’d betrayed him.
He stumbled backwards and gripped the bartop behind him as images he didn’t want to see popped into his head, and he went back…
“How could you do that to me? To me?!”
“Because I’m terrified!” Her outburst left him speechless, and she wasn’t even done yet. The words spilled out of her in a torrent. “You are the actual Devil. I mean, every story of good and bad from throughout history, throughout time, says that you are the embodiment of evil! And how am I, Chloe Decker, a nobody, supposed to deal with that?”
Lucifer turned away from Chloe, his heart throbbing painfully in his chest. It was a wonder how he was holding himself together, given that he could physically feel himself coming apart at the seams.
Chloe’s tone softened as she continued, “But, then…then I came back. And…and I saw you. I really saw you. And I remembered how you made me feel. And I realized, Lucifer, you’re not that guy.”
Did she really believe that?
“What if I am that guy?” The question didn’t have an easy answer.
“You don’t have to be,” Chloe insisted. “You could change.”
Change. As if she didn’t just want that for her own sake. As if she actually cared about how much she’d hurt him.
He’d lost all hope that she cared about him the second he pulled that vial of poison out of her purse. He hadn’t believed Kinley. Of course he hadn’t. But just knowing that she’d tried to hurt him was painful enough, and the fact that she couldn’t even try to accept him as he was made it a thousand times worse.
Lucifer almost wished she hadn’t come back. Yes, he missed her, but she’d changed, and not for the better.
“But what if I can’t?” And he showed her his true face again, half-expecting her to run away again.
But she didn’t run. She simply looked away from him, and somehow, that action hurt him just as much, if not more.
“Could you accept me like this?” Lucifer asked, trying to ignore the agony in his heart.
Chloe barely gave him half a glance. “I…oh, y-you have no idea how much I want to. I do. I’m…I’m trying.”
“But could you?”
Lucifer could already see the answer. It was as clear as day in her eyes.
“I…” Chloe’s voice broke. “I don’t know.”
Even she couldn’t accept him. Just that knowledge alone was slowly breaking his heart, chipping away at it, bit by bit. It was torture.
“Then I have my answer.” Lucifer turned away again. He couldn’t look at her. Not after all that had happened. He heard her walk away from him. He couldn’t say that those retreating footsteps hurt half as much as her staying here.
No measure of pain he’d felt before could compare to this. The Detective had tried to hurt him, and what was worse? She hadn’t been forced to do it. It had been her decision. She could’ve refused, and yet…she hadn’t. How could he ever get over something so soul-crushing?
Lucifer pulled himself back to the present, and it was only then that he noticed the tears forming in his eyes. He blinked them away.
He caught a glimpse of his reflection.
Lucifer raked his fingers through his hair, beyond distressed. What had he let himself become? And how could he go back to the way he was before? Was it even possible?
Again, Chloe’s voice echoed in his mind. “You’re the Devil, but you’re also an angel.”
But Lucifer could no longer believe those last few words. He could no longer believe the lie. The lie that the Detective didn’t even know she was telling him.
Devastated, Lucifer pulled his wings into his back again.
THE END