Work Text:
"Permission to leave the bridge captain." Spock said as his breaths got heavier.
The captain looked at him for a moment, surprised at the sudden request before recognition flashed his eyes and he nodded. "Granted."
Spock stood up from his space on the bridge and quickly strides to the exit. He focused on trying not to trip on his own feet as he tried to get to his quarters, he didn't even notice the crewmen looking at him strangely.
When he arrived at his door, he heavily leaned on it as he accessed it, and as soon as the door opened he went inside, shutting the rest of the world behind that door.
He sighed before sitting on the edge of the bed, trying to catch his breath and control his emotions.
"You okay?" A voice said behind him. He knew that voice, he always will, it was practically embedded in his mind. Spock looked back a little startled, not seeing him when he entered the room. When Spock didn't give an answer, he asked again, this time his words were laced with worry. "Spock?"
"I- of course not."
He tilted his head in confusion. "Why not?"
"You know why."
"Spock, I don't know what your talking about." He retorted, and he could hear the playful smile behind it, however those words uttered were enough to set Spock into seething rage. He stood up, turning to face his torment, who was sitting on the bed looking confused.
"Don't you dare play coy with me now Jim Kirk!"
Jim's smile faded, what was left was a resigned and guilty look. "Spock I-
"N-no don't."
"Spock please."
"Stop."
"Spock, I'm sorry."
"NO!" He screamed, startling the other man a little. "NO! YOU DO NOT GET TO BE SORRY BECAUSE YOU TOOK EVERYTHING FROM ME!"
"Spock please, I had no other choice. I had to save them."
"But you did have a choice, you had the choice to not go down there in the first place, I told you multiple times not to go down."
"You know I never listen to you."
"Yes, now look where that has gotten you." He sighed. "It's not fair Jim."
"I had to save you, they would have killed everyone in the ship, including you."
"Death would be a better fate than this."
Jim shook his head, a little in disbelief. "You don't mean that."
"But I do. Because living only brings me pain, and suffering...and grief."
"Spock..."
"I have lost everything."
"No you haven't. You still have everything else."
Spock laughed, he laughed maniacally at Jim's words.
"You still do not understand." He shook his head. "You still do not understand. You fatuous human."
"What do you mean Spock?"
"YOU." He screamed and spat those words like venom. "YOU ARE MY EVERYTHING." Jim shook his head in sadness. "AND YOU DARE SHAKE YOUR HEAD IN SYMPATHY?." He laughs. "YOUR GULL HAS ALWAYS EXCEEDED MY EXPECTATIONS, JIM."
"All these years...have you still not forgiven me Spock?"
Spock sighed and sat back down on the bed, cradling his head on his hands. "Of course I have Jim, because although your
are unbearable and insolent...I-I still love you. Or loved, whichever you prefer."
"I love you too Spock."
Spock closes his eyes as he feels feather light touches, it's almost too real. "It is just not fair."
"I know." Jim smiled sadly, and although he was just a fragment of Spocks imagination now, his smile, it still looked and felt the same, and it hurt just to see it. "But maybe in some other universe we're together...And I know in our next one we will be."
"No more dying."
Jim chuckled. "No more dying."
There was a small, albeit a sad smile on Spock's lips now. "I miss you, t'hy'la."
"I miss you too, my beloved."