Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

To whomsoever it may concern, which is all:

If you are reading this letter, one of two things have happened.

Either the barrier is gone, and you can forget ever having found this, or it's still there, and it is of the utmost importance you read this.

This is not a record of the actions we took, but it is a compendium of all the information you would need should you decide to thread our own path, and of reasons to do so.

You must destroy Gensokyo.

This is probably the last thing I, of the Hieda, will ever write, and yet it is the most important.

Part 1: The realizations

The ultimate proof of Gensokyo's wrongness is that anyone, if given opportunity to, will come to the same conclusion: it must be destroyed.

XX/03/2017

“So, Kosuzu, you are finally part of the big wigs.”

A calm spring surrounded the Hieda mansion. The affairs of the human village, the events of the day before unbeknownst to it, proceeded regularly. The sellers yelled into the streets, the farmers slaved on their fields, the guards skulked through the village, the weavers expertly worked the thread in their rooms and Kosuzu, instead of occupying herself at her family's bookstore, sat in a room together with her friend, as she had been summoned.
Well, maybe “summoned” is too strong of a word. She had been asked to come at the earliest by an agitated Akyuu the day before, at the party, with the unusually informal formulation of “Dear god they seriously did this please come talk to me after I cannot believe this don't they have any idea how much this complicates things are are you not scared do you not realize what happened” before storming off (or rather, being carried away by a miffed Aya at high speed).

After all, it's not all days that a human disappears, gets possessed by a powerful youkai, reappears, gets briefed on all the information humans are most definitely not supposed to have by the Hakurei shrine maiden, and gets go home like nothing happened. What more, Yukari Yakumo was involved? Oh wait, she was. The entire thing was a mess like few Akyuu had ever seen, and she had the memories of centuries.

So Kosuzu was back, but she still had to get some affairs in order. Like her parents. Everybody seemed to forget she had those, perhaps because among certain circles they were something of a rarity, but they weren't enthused at their daughter's mysterious disappearance and even more mysterious reappearance and had to be fed a bullshit different youkai kidnapping story by Reimu. You know, a person trusted by the human villagers! Oh, wait, no, her credibility was permanently in shambles. Luckily Sanae had been nearby, and had managed to convince the couple their daughter hadn't been taken by the red-white shrine maiden as food reserve until she had second thoughts about the body disposal.

They still hadn't wanted to part with her that day, for understandable reasons, so Kosuzu hadn't been able to go to Akyuu's 'till the evening after. You'd think the parents would have fussed over her for longer, but tragedies were so common in the human's Gensokyo that it muffled the impact of anything less than a death.

“How does it feel?”

The two girls sat in one of the mansion's spacious rooms, across a table. A plate with biscuits was laid upon it.

Akyuu and Kosuzu sat at that table, the noble talking to her friend. Or rather, she could've swore she had talked, but no word had come out. Yukari sat over the table, on her trademark gaps, her front to the librarian. She smirked. Kosuzu was sure she wasn't there a moment ago.

“I do not recall inviting you”, Akyuu said, surprised and nevertheless composed, “but you are welcome to join.”

The gap youkai ignored her. “Well?”
Kosuzu stammered. “N-no-normal. I think.”
Yukari looked at her. The child scrambled back under her gaze.

A moment passed.

Another.
An uncountable amount of moments passed, as Kosuzu was in no state to count them.

It was Her! The lady! The one she saw before getting possessed! Come to think of it, Reimu hadn't explained Her. She had forgotten Her, even, and how could she? What should she do? What was she sitting on and why wasn't Akyuu saying anything??

Kosuzu remained paralyzed.

After an amount of time anyone concerned has signed an NDA to not reveal, Yukari tilted her head back, smiling. “Good.” She snapped her neck foward and looked into librarian's eyes. “Keep acting normal”. And just like that, the sage sank into her gap and disappeared.
Kosuzu looked at Akyuu, stunned. Her friend looked normal, composed, but she knew her well enough to recognize the visage was strained. What had just happened?

Yukari Yakumo is the enemy. That is the number one thing you must remember, even if you do not choose to follow in our footsteps.

“...So, Kosuzu, how are you?”
The librarian looked at the child of Miare like she had had gone crazy. Which, as far as she was concerned, was true. Anyone not addressing an ethereal menacing youkai appearing and disappearing in front of you had to have been. Come to think of it, maybe she was the one who had gone mad. Would explain that, together with everything from the day before. Maybe the whole possession incident and her disappearance had be- “Calm down, I saw her.”

Kosuzu whimpered “...Please explain.”
Akyuu sighed. “This isn't why I called you over...”

“Well. In short, she's the central creator of Gensokyo, and the person who governs it, pretty much. The one that ensures that it... works. That... manages it. The most powerful youkai, probably. You never did read the Gensokyo chronicles, right?”

“...i read some of it...”

“Right. You really should read it in full. There's a passage about this here.”

“Akyuu, I didn't ask you to promote your book to me. I want to know what the heck is going on.”

“Yes. That. Yesterday, not only was the identity of many youkai revealed to you, but the secret identity of the village was unveiled. That youkai actually protect the human village. Since the youkai require humans to fear them to exist, that is a truth that cannot absolutely be unveiled. We must be careful about what we say, Kosuzu.”

“Wait... You knew? The whole thing? And you still fed me that “We must believe youkai are our enemies” sludge?”

“Yes. Because that is the only way that Gensokyo works. We must. To do otherwise... would be a betrayal onto Gensokyo. An attempt to destroy it.” Kosuzu was stunned.

“Which brings me to Her. Yukari. You were told. That must have happened with her permission.” Akyuu stood up, then took out a book from her clothes. “I will say no more. Take this copy of the chronicles, it should answer any remaining questions you might have. It holds knowledge, so truth.”

The child of Miare, looking as old and otherworldly as she'd never before been, deposited the book onto the table and exited the room before Kosuzu had time to process any of it. She stood, dumbfounded. She hadn't realized this had been so grave. She needed time to think, and elaborate on her past memories. And Akyuu... she'd been acting very strange. Almost like she was speaking in riddles. And what was that insistence on the chronicles?

What was even happening?

Well, nothing else to do. She took the book and went home, straight into the bedroom, with only brief exchanges with her parents in between.

She sat onto her chair... and hesitated. This all was too much. She was just a simple librarian, minding her own business, and this full bookshelf had been dropped on her head from the third floor. She didn't want this. She'd never wanted it. She was a child, for the gods' sake.
Well, actually she had. She had thrown herself in many of the incidents that had occurred, if not outright caused them herself. And she had said she wanted to live an interesting life. Though it now occurred to her it might not be a long one.

…

Well, wish granted.
She began to open the book, and stopped once more.
Come to think of it, what did it all mean?

The youkai protected the village, right? And clearly, not all of them wanted to kill people. Why did so many villagers die then, or got gravely injured?

Heck, why did the collaboration have to be a secret?

Right, humans had to fear youkai.
Humans had to fear youkai...

So many of the villagers lived in misery, in constant fear, and why?

For youkai to exist.
Villagers must be alive, in some quantity, to fear youkai.

Kosuzu was put to mind of the pig breeder, which she had oft seen going around the village. A fraction of the pigs had to be left alive, to be bred to make more pigs, and a fraction was killed, the whole reason the pigs were even kept, bred, curated and protected, for the farmer's sake.

…

Though surely that couldn't be true. She had met numerous youkai, and they were nice! Miss Mamizou was the greatest! And there were all of those youkai at the party at the Hakurei shrine, hanging out with Marisa, Sanae and Reimu! She didn't know Sanae much, but Reimu and Marisa surely wouldn't hang out with bad people!

Yes, she surely was wrong, in some way. Some part of her reasoning must have been incorrect! Filled with newfound assurance, she opened the book.
...Well, it was a print of the Gensokyo Chronicles. No surprises there. She had even printed this edition herself, as it was one of Akyuu's. Did she really expect her to read the whole brick overnight?

There was a bookmark in it, not one she had seen before. It read “Silence is golden” in big, bold letters. Certainly appropriate to give to a librarian, Kosuzu thought.
It was situated at the encyclopedia entry for “vampires”. Vampires, huh. It didn't have anything to do with what they'd discussed, so she almost wrote it off, but Akyuu must have left it there because she wanted her to read it! So she did. At a glance, it looked like an ordinary entry. And it was. And Kosuzu almost chocked reading it.

“They went on a rampage when they first appeared in Gensokyo, lost against powerful youkai, and settled down after agreeing to a contract. The details of this contract are that the youkai will offer them humans from which to feed; in return, the vampires will not attack humans living in Gensokyo. Of course, the contract remains in effect to this day.”

“Youkai will offer them humans.”
Youkai will offer them humans???
Were Youkai kidnapping humans from the village and giving them over for lunch?

No, surely not, that would've been noticed. She didn't know how much blood a vampire had to consume to live, nor how often, but surely it was a lot. That was how it was in legend, how they were found too. For how often people died in the village, it certainly wasn't every day. Far from it.

And what did “powerful youkai” even mean?
...didn't Akyuu say something about Yukari being the most powerful? And managing Gensokyo?
Kosuzu's hands darted, searching for Yukari's entry, frantic. And it didn't say anything particularly useful, apart from defining the “created Gensokyo” thing, something about attacking humans where nobody knows, and some scribbles next to the “Youkai expansion project” part, saying the barrier was created then with a crossed out “1885” next to it.

Oh, and apparently she could go to the outside world.

…

Go to the outside world?

That couldn't be where the delivered humans were from, could it? But still, it couldn't be from the village. Even if she had been wrong about their feeding, how would banning them from attacking humans in Gensokyo be useful if they were fed to them anyways?

…
Vampires.

There had been a vampire at the party at Hakurei shrine. And there only were two vampires in Gensokyo. Reimu and Marisa were friends with a human eating youkai.

Kosuzu held onto the book for her life, squeezing the pages so hard they tore with every movement of the palm.

But maybe they didn't know, right? Surely they didn't. There was no way, otherwise.

Her hands jumped for the “Reimu Hakurei” entry, too hurried to use the index, flipping page to page to page until...
Oh. This page had some more scribbles on it. In specific, it denounced a part about Reimu inventing spell cards as incorrect, saying they had been invented them much before. Not a very relevant point, something that could be amended on the next printing. And another scribble, an arrow pointing from a scribbled “Yukari” to the printed “Hakurei”.

Kosuzu had seen Akyuu's handwriting on her manuscripts, and this didn't match. Strange.

…

Did that mean Yukari was behind the entire Hakurei institution?
…

Kosuzu wanted to kick, to scream, to cry, to throw the book out the window, to run away, to do something desperate.

She didn't. As much as all of this was devastating, as much as it was a revolution of her entire worldview, she trusted Akyuu. It was perhaps the only person she felt she could trust, in that moment. She frenetically turned the bookmark around in her hand. Her eyes fixed onto the phrase written on it. “Silence is golden”. Her friend must have chose that for a reason. She must not cry. She must not yell. She must not break down.

Why even do this? Why not just tell her?

She noticed there was something scribbled on the bookmark, above the other phrase, in that strange non-Akyuu handwriting. “Privacy is a precious gift”.
…

…

Was she being spied on?

Kosuzu, using the entirety of her thirteen year old willpower, tempered through all the confrontations with Reimu and various youkai, put the bookmark back in, closed the book, put it on her desk, and went to bed. She wasn't sure she wasn't shaking, but there was nothing she could do about that. Her will was entirely focused on not shattering. And while she tossed and turned in the bed, feeling sleep as a star in the sky, shining and alluring but unreachable no matter what, she remembered the fortune teller.

Nothing will ever change for the better.

Gensokyo is built upon a sole ideal: remaining always the same, eternal.

So, if you dislike what it is, you are an enemy of it, your existence will be treated as threat, as you may try to change it.

The same treatment will be bestowed upon you should you try to transcend its rules, solely created for its own sake.

XX/02/2015

The cold winter, among other things, preyed on the human village.

Nobody prowled the streets, guards excepting, cursing under their breath the snow, the youkai and their damp socks under decaying boots.
An unusual quartet huddled around a campfire hastily made in the street. The fire burned with inked paper and small, broken sticks. There was no good reason for Akyuu, Marisa, Reimu and Kosuzu to loiter there, but the fire was hot, the magician had brought tea and a extraordinary event had happened. A youkai in the human village, appearing right there in front of everybody and immediately escaping! Not that she had seen it, as she had fainted the moment the figure had manifested behind her. A perfectly justified response, Kosuzu reasoned, and repeated aloud any time she felt the need to.

Good thing Reimu had been there to exterminate the monster, or otherwise...

Wait, come to think of it, otherwise what would have happened?

…

“Hey, Reimu...”

“Yes?”

“Why did you exterminate that guy?”

Reimu was briefly stunned by the question.

“What do you mean? It was a human who had become a youkai!”
“Yes, I understand this, but why is that worthy of extermination?”
Now Reimu was truly flabbergasted, while Marisa and Akyuu looked upon the two with inscrutable expressions.
“Becoming a youkai means rejecting your humanity, turning against your own, becoming the enemy, betraying the essential rules of Gensokyo. There are few greater sins!”

The magician and the noble maintained their expressions, no more moved than if they were observing drying paint. They looked at each other, and a glimmer of... surprise? puzzlement? Passed over their eyes, before looking back at the talking duo.

Kosuzu, not one to stop pulling at an unraveling thread, even one of her own bedding, wasn't discouraged, and kept chasing away at the question.

Reimu, on the other hand, was astonished that such a founding pillar would be hammered on by the girl; surely, she was going to doubt the sky's azure color next.

She hadn't known the librarian to be so daft; it must have been the shock from the day's event compromising her reasoning. That, or she was simply too young to understand.

...

The fire was now running out of fuel, and Reimu was quite exasperated.

“Listen, it's simple! It's everything the human village stands on! Youkai stay youkai, humans stay humans, everything works!”
“And if someone decides they want to be a youkai they deserve to get murdered? Weren't they human the moment before? What makes them so different?”

“What makes them so different? They are youkai!”

Reimu scoffed.

“I'm not going to stay here and listen to an eleven year old try to undermine rules made by people older and wiser than her and insult everything I stand for after I went and saved her. Bye Akyuu, bye Marisa, i'm going to go.” And with that, she stormed off, flying after a couple of steps of the shrine's direction.

Kosuzu looked at Akyuu, standing solemn in place, and at Marisa, barely holding in her laughter.

“You sure showed her, ze!”, laughed the magician. “Nice one Kosuzu!”

“But I just...”

“Come on, don't look so down. It'll pass, Reimu is just like that, prideful as ever. By tomorrow she'll have forgotten everything.”

The black-white walked to her and amicably placed an hand on her shoulder.

“It's great to hear what you think!”

The witch moved back from her and started walking away, looking at the path ahead. “Be seeing you, Akyuu! Bye Kosuzu.” She walked some more steps forward, then turned towards the librarian, deadly serious. “Oh, but remember, some people may not consider it so great. Best to keep this stuff to yourself.” Marisa went back to smiling, and walked ahead.
Akyuu and Kosuzu remained around the fire's ashes.

“Akyuu, please tell me, what all of this was about? There's always some mess happening around me...”

The girl pursed her lips. “You really should remember youkai are our enemies, Kosuzu. I'd follow Marisa's advice if I were you. Come on, let's walk back.”

“...ok.”

The public enforcer of such rules is the Hakurei shrine maiden. She declares herself on the human's side, but she will act however she needs to enforce them; however she's still very much human, in multiple ways.

There is always an Hakurei shrine maiden, even if the previous one dies childless.

..

Marisa walked, wandering the human village.

She didn't know where to go, grasping the bundle she'd hid in her clothes.

Lucky nobody had seen her do it, too distracted by the fire.

Kosuzu sure was precocious, huh. Must've been all those books. Bonus points for having the courage to go head to head with the Hakurei shrine maiden, something that few adults would've had.

Though if she went around talking like that she risked getting killed.

Well, not that she was wrong...

Marisa pivoted away from the main street, crossing progressively minor streets, into a dead end alley forgotten by everyone, with no doors, no windows, no anything, a quirk of city building where somebody hadn't wanted adjacent houses and therefore an empty space was demanded, with no regard to what it might think.

The magician abandoned herself on the side of it and slumped to the ground, giving it some rare company.

She couldn't handle much more of this...

She took her hand out of the dress, still grasping the bundle.

Nobody else had cared about the fortune teller's remains.

Marisa shook.

Could she handle much more of this?

Chapter Text

Alienation between humans and youkai is one of the central principles of Gensokyo's balance. Youkai must live outside of the human village, be seen exclusively as enemies by humans, protect the continued existence of the human village, not threaten the balance and maintain the continued existence of Gensokyo. They are aware of all of Gensokyo's truths.

In turn, humans must live in the human village. They must live in fear of youkai, and be occasionally harmed by them. They cannot know any of Gensokyo's truths. They cannot transcend their condition as humans.

The penalty for violating any rule is death, when applicable.

Any irregularity will be carefully monitored.

How long ago was it?

It's not like regular humans bothered to keep calendars...

Regularity didn't suit her nonetheless, but only nobles and suchlike bothered to keep track of the days. She didn't even know how old she was, come to think of it.

Well, it was around...

XX/XX/200Y

The Hakurei shrine, seen from above and nearing the front, wasn't any more interesting than how she'd seen from the sides, in passing. A leafy and leaf covered stone path, a decrepit but well maintained wood building, and a red-white speck. Well, the blur from her fast descent didn't make it easier to observe.

The red white, now a rapidly larger smeared stain, turned in a jerk, some rectangular objects extracted and flung as the head rotated to see a rapidly approaching and unidentified small-ish flying black-and-white object.

Oh well, too late to stop now, she could just frantically decelerate, maybe in time...

Those things probably wouldn't hurt her anyways, but the ground certainly would, as she'd learnt the hard way. Bones would heal, but botching her entry would be unbearable.

The girl managed to get her feet on the ground without breaking them, broom firmly grasped in her hands, holding it steady under her. Some paper rectangles the size of autumn's leaves reached her body, made contact, and fell of the ground. How had they even managed to hit her?

Anyways, there were more pressing issues.

The red white clad girl jumped back from the meteor like figure.

“Hey, what gives? Who the hell are you?”

The other girl jumped from the broom to her feet and stood up.

“Salutations! I am the magician Marisa, here to meet you, ze!”

The shrine maiden was stunned. Who was this person who had catapulted herself in front of her, and what did she want? And...

“Magician?”, she inquired, readying more paper rectangles and some probably holy stick, “Are you a youkai?”

“Me? No, absolutely not, i'm an ordinary h-” Marisa said as a fistful of those paper rectangles was thrown in her face. And fell. Again.

“Hey!”

“Ah, you really are a human. Good.” The girl turned towards her shrine. Then she turned back. “Why can you fly?”

Marisa was put off. This wasn't the reaction she had anticipated. She expected shock, awe, interest, curiosity, not ...this. Cold examination from her peer.

Still, that was interesting in its own right. Maybe the Hakurei shrine maiden truly was a person worth being friends with.

“I told you, magic. Say, do you want to be friends?”
The girl looked surprised, taking another step back.

“...No.”
To be expected. Had been expected.

“Aww, pity. Say, what's your name?

“You don't even-
Seriou-
It's Reimu.”

Aha, now her composure was off.

“Well, Reimu, I gotta go, but i think i'll keep coming back here.”

The shrine maiden recomposed herself.

“A human magician, huh. I don't think i've ever seen you around the village. Sure, you are welcome to come back.”

Right, Reimu had been interested in her too.

Well, less in her and more in what she constituted.

No surprises there, in hindsight. Reimu had always taken an interest in the exceptions.

Professional deformation, she supposed.

Or maybe part of the job.

XK/XX/200Y

“So you are a human AND a magician AND you live in the forest.”
The girl's face leaned towards her interlocutor.

“Yes!”
“How the hell are you still alive?”
The magician threw her hand up.

“I'm just too great to die, da ze!”

Marisa and Reimu sat on the porch of the shrine, with the latter involved in an increasingly incredulous investigation of the former's existence.

The magician didn't find the affair particularly fun, but she'd take any company she could get at that point. She wasn't all too welcome in the village, and there weren't any friendly faces in the forest. Rinnosuke was nice, but he was... well, Rinnosuke; an adult, and boring to be around for longer periods. She was happy to have him, still, where her parents weren't.

“Marisa, i'm being serious. All humans live in the village. It's just what they do. Anyone that tries to live elsewhere... dies. So how are you alive?”
Come to think of it, how was she alive?

Well...

That day her life changed forever.
It wasn't sudden, she'd planned for it, but it was a very neat cut.

Now it was disinfected, bandaged, healed even, and yet that still hurt sometimes.

It had taken a long time to heal, however...

XX/ZZ/200Y

The Kirisame household was usually very quiet.

The houses in the center of the human village, cursed with a lack of government, were owned by the richest families. Merchants, doctors (not quite as precious now as they were before the Eientei clinic was established), land owners, the born rich, and miscellaneous all resided in houses situated towards the settlement's core, which were quite luxurious, at least by the small village's standards.

Those houses stayed always the same across the centuries, carefully curated with the money that ran in those families. And, of course, nobody ever left. Why would they want to?
Right, about that...

The Kirisame household was pretty big, double the size of most other houses. After all, the merchant family had dominated the market for second hand goods in the microscopic economy of the village for centuries. The demand was little, but constant. All that was needed was someone holding down the fort, and someone generating future fort-holders.

The family had lucked into the latter first, and was having some trouble with the former.

Not that it mattered to her. Not that they were going to keep the latter.

Not Marisa the magician, no, she wasn't going to stand for that.

Being a baby generator didn't suit her. Especially considering the mortality rate for births. No. she had higher ambitions for her lifespan. Very high in fact. And step one would be getting out of that household.

Lucky that those ragged books about magic had passed through the shop, and nobody had cared about their disappearance.

Lucky they'd left her free, without much surveillance, out of lack of care more than lack of time. Easier to think about it that way, in any case. Would mitigate the blow somewhat.

Lucky the guards never payed sufficient attention to prevent her from getting out of the village.

Lucky she hadn't been killed while out, as had many others she'd seen. At some point, you just accepted it and grabbed a shovel. Everybody helped, children included. It was a ritual, of a kind.

Lucky she'd found an abandoned cottage in excellent condition in the forest (seriously, how was that even possible?) during one of her explorations.

Lucky that Rinnosuke - and Kourindou with him - existed, and he'd accepted her decision with nothing more than a melancholy smile and an offer to help; she wasn't sure she would have actually done it if not for that. Lucky he hadn't simply told her parents, and ended everything with a handful of words, though that was luck least of all. She had known he wouldn't betray her trust.
Lucky there had been books about foraging in the house's small library, together with ones about hunting, herb cultivation and agriculture, and their disappearance hadn't been questioned either.

Lucky she'd had enough magical power to fly, once she'd understood how.

Lucky no one paid much mind to her, and she'd been able to get some supplies which disappearance was noticed, for once, the related blame falling short of a target.

And now she was making her decision public. Telling her parents.

“This is absurd! You, a prepubescent child, going to live outside the village? You know who else lives outside? The Hakurei shrine maiden, and no one else! You know why? Everyone else that tried has died!”
Her dad was not quite screaming, but almost, angered and surprised and incredulous and saddened all at the same it.

Her mom sat aside, silent, looking hurt.
The girl lifted up her chest, making a show of being confident.
“But i'm not everyone else, i'm a magician! I can do it!”
“No, you can't! And even if you could, why would you? Why do you want to leave us so badly that you'd estrange yourself from the village and risk your life daily, forsaking a good, safe life for nothing?”
It was hard to not recoil hearing that.

How could she not want to go away?

So many people died in the village, one after another. Never many at once, one or maybe two, sometimes just an injury, but a constant stream of misfortune befell them. Never big incidents, but renewed suffering. It was always random, it was always there. Take out the unlucky ones, shuflle the deck, repeat. Rarely a cause, never a reason. No. Always some reason, some was always found. Never one good enough to justify death.

You could always find one house with the windows shut, sounds of grief coming from inside..

The natural state of the human seemed like fear. Fear they would get eaten, injured, sick, possessed, deprived of all their belongings... or that any of this would happen to those close to them.
She wanted out.
She needed out.

She couldn't live like that.

She knew she had been given a one in a million shot at escaping, and she would take it.
It didn't matter if she'd have to fight youkai and risk starving alone in the forest. Anything was better than living like that.

It hadn't been an easy decision. A girl her age living like that? At least she had hope that the shrine maiden would be sociable to her.

The problem was how to communicate that to her mom and dad.

Except that they could never understand.

She took in a deep breath.

It was going to hurt either way. It was better to cauterize the injury. She knew they couldn't abandon the village, and they would die if they ever attempted to follow her or search for the cottage.

“Shut up! I'm a magician now! I'm above you! I don't want anything to do with you! I don't want to ever see you again! I hate you! How dare you keep me confined in this pig sty? I'm no longer one of you miserable humans! I am a youkai!”

Dad recoiled, wounded. He slumped onto himself, and just sat still, the fight in him gone.

Mom just buried her head in her arms and cried.
She knew she couldn't wait, but she still hesitated. There was still time to turn back...

No. Anything but that. She just couldn't. She was deluding herself, anyways. The point of no return was past.

The girl ran out of the house as fast as she could, the various supplies on her back, grabbing the broom at the side of the door, scrambling to place it under her, and riding it into the sky.

It was done. Now to go to the cottage, her cottage now, and arrange her things.

It was done. Now she was only ever going to see her parents by accident.

It was done, and it hurt more than any of the wounds she'd gotten exploring the forest.

The magician cried in the morning sky.

At least she wasn't going to die now...

(Back to) XK/XX/200Y

...so, summing it all up, how was she alive?

There was only one answer she could give.

Marisa donned a smile.

“Because, in addition to me being the greatest, my magic is the strongest!”

Reimu sighed.

“Sure. I suppose i'm not going to get a better answer.”

The magician's smile reached her eyes.
“That's the spirit! Why are you so hung up on this anyways?”

The shrine maiden looked serious all of a sudden. Well, even more serious than usual. She looked into her eyes.

“I suppose it's okay to tell, since you live outside the village and all. Humans don't live outside the human village. That's one of the rules.”
A part of the magician froze, as ice cold worry surged into her

“Rules? Whose rules?”
“Gensokyo's.”
Marisa grimaced.

“Enforced by who? Made by who?”

Reimu chuckled, and looked away from her.

“You're smart, Marisa. Don't worry, I doubt anyone is going to bother you for breaking that rule.”

The rest of her muscles froze in place while her mind spun wild.

Rules nobody knew. Or at least that nobody in the village knew, since she surely would know of them otherwise.

She couldn't think about it now. She had to continue the conversation. Get more information. Act normal.

She looked down to her feet and repositioned herself on the wooden surface. They'd been sitting there for a long time now.

“I mainly have to enforce them against youkai anyways.”

That was deeply troubling in many different ways.

Enforce how?

Enforce what? Why was the rules' existence not public?

And what did youkai have to do with it? What did youkai have to do with Hakurei Reimu?

(What gave her the right, even? Even though there could be no "right" in enforcing secret rules, even though there wasn't anything right about enforcing anything on anybody, what made her think she could?)
(Was she joking? Was she screwing with her? Was it just that?)

From what she knew from before she had escaped the village, the shrine maiden dealt with youkai, sometimes, when she was called for.

She wasn't held in much high regard, as any little girl living is some rundown shrine would, though the position of Hakure shrine maiden was a revered one.

Most people preferred to deal with things themselves, in any case, and there was no use calling her for singular incidents. The shrine maiden may have been holy, but she couldn't change the past, nor resurrect the dead.

What else did she do? What was this about? And she hadn't missed ow her question had been avoided.

But there was something she had to ask, then.

Marisa turned towards the shrine maiden.

“Really? What would've happen if I were a youkai then?”

Reimu turned her head back to face the magician.

“You wouldn't have come from the human village then. Humans from the village cannot turn into youkai, that's the greatest sin there is. The penalty is death.”

Each of her muscles intantly thawed, scaliding heat replacing ice, fire in her to do pushing to do something, something firing get out get out get out, firing at the peace of a moment before, shot dead.

She had to go. Immediately. She couldn't stay there.

She wanted to scream and cry and run and not be and-

Marisa put a on a smile.

“Ok! Well, since I answered all of your questions, i'm going to go now. I have some stuff to do at my house.

Was she shaking? She may have been shaking.

Without awaiting for a response, she pushed herself from the porch to her feet and mounted her broom.

Why? Just why?

“Sure. Bye Marisa.”

Was it not enough? How much was enough then?
“Bye Reimu!”

Was that really her fate? That which she couldn't even imagine?

The witch ascended into the sky as fast as she could, towards her house.

It couldn't be possible. Not again. What would be the point then?

Why had she learnt magic? Why had she left her parents? Why had she escaped the village?

What had she all done it for, to still die in the end?

The magician cried in the morning sky.

She was going to die.

It was inevitable.

Her screams were fruitless.

Reimu laid down on the porch, eyes closed.

“So, Yukari, how is she alive?

And then Yukari was sitting (had been sitting a moment after, wasn't there a moment before, because it was always games with her and her powers) above the porch, supported by void filled tears in the morning air.

“Oh my, Hakurei Reimu, how am I supposed to know that?”

The shrine maiden sighed, opened her eyes and sat up, exasperated, while the youkai smiled.

“Answer the question, you hag.”

Yukari laughed, then her expression grew somber. (Her expression played games too, as usual.)

“She's just some child. She won't be an example to anyone, and her powers back her right to be out of the pen. I have no reason to kill her.”

“...you suck, Yukari”.

She laughed again.

Marisa reached the cottage, face dried by the wind. She had ran out of tears some time before.

She opened the door, slumped onto the bed and abandoned herself there.

The prospect was unbearable.

The process to become a youkai was right there, in her oldest looking book, plain ink on yellowed paper. It didn't even look that hard to execute. It had a good many steps, sure, and included rituals that required a good amount of expertise in many facets of whitchery, but she was sure she could have them all mastered in a couple of years.

The final result would be to have a body subsisting entirely of magic, effectively becoming a magician type youkai.

Immortality. Right. There.

And it was going to get torn from her hands.

The little girl raged onto the bed.

What gave her the right?

What gave the shrine maiden the right to kill her?

She hated her.

...

No.

No, what was the point of this?

After all of that she was just going to stop here? After abandoning everything for it?

Absolutely not.

She refused that fate.

She didn't want to die.

She was not going to die.

Never.

No matter what she had to do.

And for that, it was probably a good idea to stay near Reimu.

Another important day, that.

The day a different, more charitable resolve was born.

Gensokyo affected everyone, after all...

XX/JJ/200Y

Marisa landed on the stone path to the shrine, turning towards its resident.

Unusually, that afternoon Reimu was also on the stone tiles, handling some ofuda (now she knew what those paper rectangles were) and her gohei (“holy stick” hadn't been a wrong descriptor, still).

“Hey! What's up? What are you doing?”

The red-white turned towards her, still busy with her equipment.

“Hello Marisa. There's trouble with some youkai repeatedly stealing food supplies in the village, and i've been asked to stop that.”

The witch held out her broom, parallel to her, and put on a smile.

“Do you want help with that?”
Reimu looked at the magician, surprised.
“Are you sure? It's going to be serious, no spellcards. And your magic isn't exactly geared towards youkai extermination.”
Yea, it was a damn mystery why that was.

She never needed to kill youkai. Anytime she was forced to fight one in the forest they just escaped after she showed her power, or after a couple of blows in extreme cases.

No animal wants to die, after all.

Marisa looked back at her.

“Yes, i'm sure.”

Reimu turned from Marisa to the path away from the shrine.

“Okay. Let's go, then.”

Just like that, huh.

The two girls flew towards the village.

Lucky the second hand shop and the house were far from the outskirts, where they had to go.

The two girls landed near the public storehouse for the food reserves.

For a price, anyone could store their reserves, marked as theirs, in the guarded and rat proof building. A good deal, for anyone not confident in the food's security inside their house.

At least when the walls weren't being broken nightly.
The account was the same from all guards: every night for now four nights, they would hear a loud crash, and when they ran to see what had happened the wall would be broken, a big hole in it, and a rice bag would be gone; no human being could've broken that wall so easily.

The night where they'd guarded that wall another one was broken.

The only reason they hadn't guarded all the walls was they feared the roof would collapse.

The carpenter, the building's proprietor and the various rice's owners were getting pretty annoyed, so the shrine maiden had been called.

Fair enough, she thought.

“We are going to do a stakeout in the storehouse.”

“Understood.”

The exchange between the proprietor and the shrine maiden was dry, strict to only what was required.

Some more... humanity (was that the right word?) would have been nice, to any of the involved parties. Marisa hadn't been told anything more, and has only found out about the stakeout just now.

“Ok”, Reimu said heading in the storehouse, “Come in, Marisa.”

Nothing else to do. Marisa went it.

The building was relatively small, about as big as her cottage, the air dry and musty.

Light filtered in from two small, high up windows.

The patch that had been repaired multiple times was clearly visible on the thick wooden walls. The rice bags, the owner's name sewed on were stacked on the stone paved floor.

Reimu sat onto a cluster of them.

“Lucky for me, I don't get bored easily. I hope you also don't.”
The shrine maiden's life kinda sucked, huh. Most of her day consisted of doing nothing.

Marisa sat down on another pile, hoisting herself up it, looked at her companion, smiled, and started rummaging in her dress.

Lucky for me”, she said extracting a book from her hat, “i always come prepared!”

Reimu lost her composure.

“You didn't know what was happening before you came to the shrine, and you didn't know about the stakeout before arriving here. Do you seriously always... ?”
Marisa grinned.

“...forget it.”

Time passed in the silent building. Staying awake was hard, somewhat, but she managed it. The bag's coarse texture and the cold walls didn't make sleep too appealing anyways.

Too much time later, Marisa spoke up again.

“So, what's the plan for the youkai?”

Reimu turned towards her.

“There is none. It could be practically any youkai, as breaking down that wall would be easy for almost any of them. We'll just act when it shows up.”

Did that admit any reply? She couldn't think of any. Reimu was tiring to hang around sometimes (often), it seemed like she was the only one making any effort.

More time passed. It never stopped, the murderer.

It was the dead of night in the storehouse.

Marisa fought the dire battle to keep herself awake, using a bit of magic to illuminate her book.

Reimu slumped onto the bags, but her eyes still moved around.

The whole thing seemed like a giant waste of t-

CRASH

The wall broke in an explosion of dust and splinters.

The shrine maiden jumped to her feet, gohei and ofuda out, assuming a combat stance, while the magician scrambled to put away her book and take out her mini-hakkero, hastily creating a light to illuminate the storehouse.

In the billowing dust, a figure was outlined.

It was clearly anthropomorphic, tall, taller than any of the human villagers, though not by much.

It, no, “they” was probably more correct, had a black mane of dirty, wild hair, growing long everywhere except for the face, where an otherwise human visage exhibited a big snout and two small upwards fangs at the side of the face, surrounded by rough looking deep brown skin.

“What! Why... oh. Shit!”

The voice was... normal. Deep, rugged, but nothing she'd be surprised to hear in any of the villagers.

“Look, I was just taking to feed myself! Please! I yield! Please!”
This wasn't like any of the youkai Marisa was used to, the ones she was often confronted by. They had all been little more than animals, lunging in instinct at a target, possible prey.

This was different. This was a sapient being.

Why all this pleading? Why were they so scared of them two?

The dust had settled now.

Reimu started floating in the air, ribbons and two yin-yang appearing around her, as she dashed towards the paralized youkai, slapping an ofuda on them as soon as she got in reach. Ribbons appeared immediately around the youkai, and began constricting and compressing them.
“No! I'll stop, I swear! Please spare me! Please!”

The screams froze the blood in her veins, congealing her paralysis.

What was happening?

Reimu stood on the ground, while the ribbons constricted the youkai into a stained bundle.

The guards had come, and were observing the process from outside, through the new hole in the wall.

Just like that? They'd killed the youkai just like that? Just for stealing food?

What gave her the right?

Marisa held onto her composure, tight, digging her nails in. She didn't know what would happen if it slipped.

The youkai was now no more than a dirty bundle on the ground.

Reimu looked at the guard.

“Done, it will no longer be a problem. Don't forget to donate to the Hakurei Shrine!”
The tone didn't mesh with what was in front of her. It sounded dissonant. Cacophonic. Wrong.

Marisa fixated onto the bundle.

It was uneven, looking like it had been wrapped hastily by strips of some kind of cloth she couldn't distinguish in the weak magic light. The strips, slightly thicker than her palm and about as short as her, were stained crimson and looked burned in places.

It was about as big as one of those balls of rags she'd played with in the street.

That was all that remained.
On the outskirts of her vision, Reimu turned towards her.

“You didn't get to do much, that youkai was pretty weak. Come on, let's go.”

Marisa wrenched her eyes away from it.

“Yeah sure, just wait a moment.”

The shrine maiden nodded, turned, and walked out of the building through the hole.

Marisa tightened her hands into fists.

Her hold slipped.

In the end, she'd done nothing to prevent it.

She'd been immobile throughout the entire thing.

But, but, how could she have done anything?

She'd gotten to know Reimu pretty well, she thought. The girl was utterly convinced in what she believed, and stubborn in all of her actions and habits, even the most trivial.
This wasn't some isolated instance. This was the usual way of operation. Reimu wouldn't change her ways, she was sure, not without some convincing argument she couldn't provide that didn't include an appeal to the youkai's life. Even if she had stopped her this time, she would do the same on the next occasion.

Marisa shook.

…

She hated that feeling of impotency.

"Either bear it, or do something about it", her mind spat out. The usual, useless response.

Marisa turned towards the hole, and started walking out.

…

In an impulse, she grabbed the bundle and hid it in her clothes.

The girls flew in the night sky, near the ground, relying more on memory than sight in the black night.

“Hey, Reimu, do you always deal with this stuff?”
Reducing it to “stuff” hurt, somehow.

“Yes. I'm the only one that does this after all.”

No accomplices.

But then, maybe, there was something she could do...

“What if I also started dealing with youkai, as a job?”
“Dealing” was the wrong word for what Reimu did, but it would bethe right one for what she'd do.

She seriously doubted intelligent youkai needed to be killed to stop whatever they were doing.

Reimu took some time to respond. She couldn't see her, but that had probably surprised her.

“Are you sure?"

Moments of silence passed.

"Well, you'd have to advertise yourself around the village first. Nobody can ask for you if they don't know you. You'd also need to be at the village often, or establish some other way to be contacted. And you'd have to be able to do the jobs, of course. Why, anyways?”
To stop you from murdering people.

“I need a job.”
“I don't usually get payed, but if you asked for a fee you could probably get it. Honestly, you'd make my job much easier. Less stuff to deal with.”
That was one way to put it. Any job she would undertake would be likely saving a life.

At the risk of her own...

But she wouldn't die. That much she had decided. That much was sure.

Marisa gripped the broom's handle as she felt her resolve solidify.

Near the cottage, the well and the outhouse, where grass didn't grow, Marisa shoveled dirt. It was difficult, the ground was hard, she struggled to handle the tool properly, it was dark, only the moon shedding some meager light, and she was very tired. She did it nethertheless. She'd thought about making a light, of course, but had decided not to.

When it seemed deep enough, she took out the bundle, put it in, and started shoveling the dirt back in.
It wouldn't have felt right otherwise.

(Back to) XX/02/2015

It had never gotten easier with time. If anything it had gotten harder, looking more and more futile as the space for the unmarked graves grew scarce.

There was nothing she could do to stop the slaughter of the any weak, "unimportant" youkai that Reimu dealt with, and she'd made no progress in turning into a youkai without being killed herself.

All in all, it seemed hopeless. With the years, she'd learnt more about the rules and who enforced them, and had even met Yukari Yakumo, their creator and chief handler, but it all had only made her prospects seem darker. Even considering drastic measures, nothing short of shattering Gensokyo would have any effect.

She knew her fear of dying was somewhat childish, and yet refused to relinquish it.

There was hope that, if needed, she would come to accept her fate in time.

There was determination she wouldn't need to.

Marisa looked at the bundle.

Every one of them had the same characteristics, with little variation. The size never changed.

Marisa looked to the sky, putting it away.

She would have to handle it.

Marisa shook once more, then propped herself up against the wall.

The magician walked away from the forgotten alley.

The unchanging cottage, the well and the outhouse stood in the thick of the forest.

Marisa checked the sky, then started digging. Her body was adept at handling the shovel, and the hole was deep even in the late winter soil.

She checked the sky once again, put the bundle in the hole and quickly shoveled the dirt back in.

Who knew what mess would arise if anyone saw her...

Done with the burial, she walked on the dirt until it looked like it had never been dug.

Finished. She'd lost count long ago. She had discarded it. Knowing the number hurt.

Marisa looked overhead one final time, and saw the pink haired hermit flying towards the shrine. Kasen.

She'd been pretty pacifistic, quelling Reimu's aggression any chance she could. Maybe if she knew of her undertaking she'd help.
…

Fat chance. It was way too risky to approach anyone with such sentiments contrary to Gensokyo's principles.

…

Though, given what she knew...

Maybe it was finally time to play that card, to prod for information.

Following a desperate wim, equal parts rational and impulsive, Marisa dived into the sky.

Chapter Text

Gensokyo is such a wretched thing, it is no wonder its creators have come to forsake it.

XX/XX/14XX

On the mountain, a wooden structure towered.
The building, a multi-floor monster in classic japanese architecture hitched on the perilous rock slope sustained by long stone poles embedded in the ground, had been conceived to dominate the landscape of much of the small region of Gensokyo.

It was by, and for, Oni, the residents of Youkai Mountain. (A poor name, considering that those parts might as well have been called Youkai Everything. They say the one who gave the name to the mapper was a mischievous fox in disguise... The Youkai were pretty happy with it, anyways, to have their dominion legitimized and rendered official in geography.)

Inside, on the highest floor, negotiations were taking place, without anything really being negotiated. A grave proposal was being put on the table.

On the table also laid a lethal amount of alcohol, together with the hands of Kasen Ibaraki,

head of the mountain's Oni population.
“Why are you even doing this shit? What's the fucking point?”

Incredulous, the Oni gestured at the youkai in front of her.

“We cannot be sure our reign will last eternal, as is. Therefore we must make it so.”
“What is even “we”, here? Why would any reign be eternal? And you still haven't said how! Speak it straight, you hag.”

Gods, Yukari was always waffling about some shit. Never came for an honest conversation or a good drink, just asking for help to build castles in the air on enemy land.
You'd think the boundary between being fun to be around and being a pain in the ass would be clearer to her. Still, politics were politics, they had to be done. With Yukari not leading any faction she could afford the sledgehammer approach. The stuck up bitch deserved it, thinking herself so high just cause she had strong powers.

“We, the youkai. All of us risk being forgotten, our dominion over the humans broken.

And why wouldn't our reign be eternal? We are clearly superior, we deserve it, we have the right to be over them, backed by nature!”

Yukari leaned over the table.

What a moot argument. All she had said was obvious, and if it was meant as flattery, it wasn't working.

She took a swig from the bottle next to her, with no regard to the contents.

Slightly better now.

“How, still. And why? How could we be forgotten? Humans have proof of our fucking existence right.” She punched her chest. “Here. You'd have to be demented to forget it.”

The boundary youkai was starting to look exasperated. Good.

“That is true, but only here. Elsewhere, without such strong proof, people may doubt our existance, and we would be at risk. Therefore, making it so there is only “here” and “not here” cannot interfere is the logical solution, is it not?”
She needed more. She emptied the bottle. Yukari did that to people.
“You and I have different definitions of logical, and elsewhere they have other proof as strong as me. So, isolating this territory from everything else and becoming the only place that can house Youkai seems, in academic terms, fucking idiotic. And you still have to tell me how.”

Yukari kept looking at her, determined.

“No, because exterminators that are being sent here thr-”

She slammed the table, which threatened to break in a creak. The bottles jumped.

“Answer the fucking question, Yukari! How are you going to do this, and why are you even here talking to me about it!”, Kasen screamed.
The youkai remained composed, like she had never raised her volume or interrupted.
How she acted untouchable made her even more unbearable.
“I plan to draw a boundary between Gensokyo and the rest of the world, designating it as “fantasy” and the rest “reality.” Then, I am going to create a barrier separating the two, linked to not only our power but that of the Hakurei. To do this, I require the power and consensus of many, as mine isn't enough. After all is done, those who participated will manage Gensokyo collectively, to create and mantain a paradise for youkai. I am here to request your help.

Is this the answer you desired so ardently?”
She wanted help? Seriously?

“If you are here to plead for my help, it would do you well to be less of a cunt.”

She wasn't going to participate in this demented project. The youkai exterminators were a problem, true, but a transient one, and they weren't bothering her group in any case; smart of them to do so, or they would've gotten empty graves.

And...

“How do you intend to cram all of Earth's youkai into Gensokyo , anyways?”
Yukari looked her in the eyes.

“I do not, in fact. Any newly created youkai will belong to, and therefore appear in, “fantasy”, but when the boundary is established all the youkai situated in “reality” will vanish.”
Oh, so this is what it was about.

Kasen smiled.

Now the whole thing made sense.

It was... bold. Crowning herself and associates emperors of the eternal youkai world.

She downed another bottle, using the time to think.

Even if it was Yukari, this was too good of an opportunity to pass up. Besides, if she didn't, others would. The hag had connections.

“I'm in.”

XX/02/2015

Kasen flew towards the Hakurei shrine, a bringing with her a basket of bread.

She really worried Reimu would starve one of those day, her occupation utterly discredited, her offering box empty. With everything she pulled, it was a miracle it hadn't happened already. A godly miracle? Come to think of it, she'd never learned who the Hakurei god was...

Well, whoever they were, they sure weren't helping.

Marisa flew towards the Hakurei shrine, following Kasen.

Was she holding a basket? She hoped it was provisions. Reimu sure needed them.

But right now, she needed her attention. It wouldn't be wise to hold that discussion in front of Reimu.

Now, how to do that from far behind...

Right. There was a very easy solution.

Suddenly, a laser speared the air right next to her.
An attack? And fairies didn't use lasers.

She turned, shouting.
“Hey! What are you doing?!”

A black-and-white stain rocketed towards her.
Marisa. That explained things.

As much as it didn't surprise her, she didn't usually attack people out of nowhere.

What did she want?

Kasen stopped and shouted something she was too far away to hear.

Okay, that was done.

Now she just needed to approach her, and throw herself headfirst into the thorn bush that the ensuing conversation would be.

But she needed to try, at least.

Kasen levitated in the air, waiting for the witch to reach her.

What a bother that was.

Really, Marisa was pretty awful all around.

She stole with a smile, scammed with a dash and enabled all of Reimu's worst tendencies.

She was rude, rash, immoral...

If Reimu wasn't worse and much more influential, Marisa would be getting her attention.

So what did she want?

If anyone was going to help her, it was going to be the preachy hermit.

This had been an impulse decision, sure, but the principles were solid.

Maybe. She hoped.

Confronting the mysterious powerful hermit with her pivotal secret in a desperate bid to know more about her and to get support for a fruitless venture that goes against the world's core tenants seemed more like idiocy every second.

…

No time to go back.

Or, there was, but if she pretended there wasn't going forward go easier.

She put on a smile.

“Hey Kasen! Wanna talk?”

Didn't bode well.

“Not particularly”

Didn't bode well.

“Come on! It's important, I swear.”

Better to get this over with sooner than later.

“Fine. let's go down, then.

In any case she doubted it was actually important, considering the witch's casual tone.

She rarely used a different one, always confident in herself and her actions.

Kasen started descending to the ground, in the midst of the trees.

Marisa started descending to the ground, perched on her broom, feeling a pit in her stomach and hanging onto her smile.

What should she say first?

...better to be straight forward.

Kasen's feet touched the winter soil, skeletal trees surrounding her, the clear sky above.

No animals could be heard in the forest, the birds quieting down for the moment.

The witch dismounted her broom, stood in front of her and looked her in the eyes.

“Kasen, are you an Oni?”

Can't get any more straight forward than that.

Kasen froze, eyes wide, looking away.

She'd done it. Nowhere to go but forward.

“That's a rhetorical question, by the way.”

The smile couldn't hold the pressure she felt.

What was happening?

What was going to happen?

When had she slipped, and Marisa of all people to find out?

And why was the magician looking at her with such a worried expression?

Kasen composed herself, or at least her face.

“No, i'm a human hermit.”

The witch's gaze didn't waver.

That modicum of composure broke.

“Kasen, i'm serious.”

Denial was to be expected, but she really hoped she hadn't gotten it wrong.

The prospect was unbearable.

Only forward.

Was it all over?

Her reputation, her identity, her life as Kasen the hermit...

What was even left under that?

Seeing the valiant hermit this shaken was... jarring. disturbing. unpleasant.

She'd always gone on with the assurance that things could be fixed through action, an assurance she would do her best to spread to those around, and here she was, recoiling, making a visible effort to stay upright, despair visible through her face.

Gods, what was she, herself, even doing here, and why?

Going forward, for what?

…

...still not over.

Kasen steadied herself.

“How do you know?”

This was firm ground, at least.

“Well, you remember that time, last year's spring, you brought sake to the Hakurei shrine party and you talked about how you'd treated it with an acquaintance's sake quality raising cup?

I was distracted at the time, but two days later I realized I also knew that acquaintance. Yuugi.

And I wondered how you knew her, and if she was in fact your acquaintance.

So I went and asked if her cup was unique, at which she responded she'd never heard of another like it, and if she could lend it to me, which prompted her to launch into a spiel about how it was a sacred Oni artifact and it wouldn't be right to lend it with ease to a human and some other waffling.

Point is, i've known since then.”

Hearing that, Kasen stood tall and looked her in the eyes, a cautious look on her face.

This was comforting, somewhat.

She hadn't made any catastrophic mistake, just talked a bit too much.

How could she had known Marisa knew Yuugi? Though it wasn't surprising; she was just the type Yuugi liked.

…

Maybe it had been catastrophic, still, but...

“Why haven't you said or done anything?”

Marisa smiled.

“Why would I?”

As far as she was concerned, that was her business.

Sure, she'd been surprised, but if any youkai wanted to reject their assigned fate she wouldn't be the one to stop them.

Then again, someone else was liable to.

Why would she?

Kasen could think of several reasons.

Still, there was nothing she could do but trust her, at least for now.

But if that was true...

“Why are you telling me now, then”?

Vain hope?

“Curiosity.”

Close enough to the truth.

“Who are you?”

And the important part.

Marisa did her best to conceal her trepidation.

“On whose side are you on?”

…

She wished she knew.

XX/01/2014

Kasen slumped against a tree sufficiently away from the shrine.

What the hell was up with that?

Yukari always catapulted herself in other people's lives, tumbling down, breaking every pillar in her way, and then punched you in the face; and so she'd come and dropped a radioactive boulder on her, just because of a question about zashiki-waraski.

She'd probably wanted to do that no matter what, just to mess with her.

She hadn't said much, and yet it was all deeply worrying.

Spies in the human village, huh. Somehow she wasn't surprise. Yukari wanted total control, and what she'd done to her had made that quite clear.

Those days were gone, and good riddance, but...

…

Better not to think about it. Having an identity crisis wouldn't help anyone. It hadn't helped her. Hadn't been resolved either. Those bandages would stay in place 'till she vanished.

Vanish...

…

Yukari could go fuck herself.

And she seemed to want to tear the wound open.

Sides...

…

This instability wasn't like her. Or maybe it was, considering “what was her” was in litigation.

Fuck. One thing at a time.

Spies. In the human village.

Being a human villager was the epitome of misery, a condition created entirely by her. Not even the decency of granting them privacy.

Anything to protect her precious Gensokyo. Hers, and no one else's.

And then there was the second part...

Food shortage, and the ultimate goal of the youkai.

She wasn't sure what that all meant.

Overtaking the outside world? This wasn't enough?

Would be just like her to want to expand her reign. Nothing was ever enough. Fuck her.

Seeing Yukari always reminded her of the past, and it was never a good experience.

Focus. Food shortage.

She hadn't known, but now that she thought about it it wasn't really surprising.

When you had a population of immortals that only augmented it was bound to be a problem, and food theft from the human village was Reimu and Marisa's primary job creation machine.

Even with the humans Yukari brought from the outside world, it must not have been enough.

Actually, the population didn't only augment. Come to think of it, Reimu reduced it a bit.

…

That was horrible to think about. But it would oh so typical of Yukari to deal with overpopulation with systemic murder. Or starvation.

In the end it all went back to her.

Now she was going to make her pick sides. And she just knew the hag was going to come back for a response.

Sides...
Sides of what, in the first place?

With her or against her?

Two losing sides in widely different ways.

No one against her had ever survived. Nor with her. That Kasen hadn't.

What side to choose then?

…

Why would she choose? Why play Yukari's game? Sides? What was she, a coin?

No. She would play for her side. Kasen's side. The good one.
She got up and flew to the village.

…

Kasen walked aimlessly through the village's main street.

If what Yukari had said was true the village was currently without any spies, but the hag couldn't be trusted. Better be cautious.

What could she even do, in the first place?

She'd stormed there in an impulse with no regard to her impotency.

Nothing could be changed. That was the whole point. An entire monotonous history.

She passed in front of the Hieda mansion.

Come to think of it, what was on the history books? She could actually check.

Probably. Were the Gensokyo chronicles public?

Kasen walked to the wooden doors and knocked.

Loud voices could be briefly heard from outside.

“My lady, There's no need for you to- !”

“It's fine, I am already here.”

“But- !”

The doors opened.

Before her stood what looked like a fifteen year old girl draped in traditional elegant clothes, with short violet hair and purple eyes.

Hieda no Akyuu.

The girl looked up at her, looking somewhat shocked, then composed herself.

Did she really look that strange?

“Good day. Who are you?”

Kasen stood straight, looked her in the eyes and assumed her customary serious exteriour.

“I am Kasen the hermit, and I wish to consult the Gensokyo chronicles.”
Ok, now she really looked shocked.

“Kasen. Kasen the... hermit. Sure. Yes. Come in.”

The girl glanced at her once more before before turning and walking inside the house.

Kasen stood in front of the stacked bookshelves.
That had been weird.

The girl had insisted on accompanying her to the room herself, and yet she'd looked nervous the entire way through.

And Kasen was sure she'd never met her.

Worrying.

And now she was here, in a room with a desk, numerous writing equipment and bookshelves upon bookshelves, all filled with different editions of the Gensokyo Chronicles.

Some were in bound books, some were in paper rolls, and some were in unbound paper in drawers. It was a miracle it wasn't all swarming with dust. The servants must have spent hours in that room.

Kasen picked up a random volume of the newest edition, Akyuu's, and flipped through the pages.

This one seemed less of a record and more of a guide, though it still retained some elements of historiography. It contained a general description of some kinds of youkai as well as detailed entries for specific people and areas, with an appendix on some miscellaneous things.

It wasn't bad, exactly, but a lot of details were wrong, as well as some major things about Gensokyo. It wasn't surprising, but it still hurt to know the was so much misinformation.

Though even if the current Hieda knew of that, she still wouldn't have been permitted to write the truth.

…

But she couldn't know, and she had a duty to play for her side. At least today.

She'd prove something to the hag, and to herself.

Kasen took out a pencil she'd bought from Kuorinduo and began making corrections.

Kasen put the book on the desk.

In it, she'd placed a bookmark reading “Silence is golden”, with another phrase scribbled under it.

Folded under the book laid a note.

“The zashiki-waraski are spies for Yukari Yakumo.”

She had no idea if that would actually do anything or if it would all be regarded as vandalism and nonsense, but it was done.

Kasen opened the door.

Akyuu stood next to it, leaning on the wall.

Had she been standing there the entire time? Why?

The girl looked at her, still looking worried.

“Are you finished?”

“Yes, I am. Thank you for letting me consult the archive.”

“It was no trouble. After all,” she said, her voice trembling slightly, “we don't usually have sages coming to check the chronicles.”

Oh. Of course.

“Still, you seem to have changed.”

Her memories from that time were fuzzy...

After all, they belonged to a different person. Maybe.

“I have.”

If only it were that easy to dismiss them...

Kasen walked out of the mansion, accompanied by Akyuu, neither of them saying a word.

XX/02/2015

Kasen had been silent long enough to make Marisa uncomfortable, doubts digging deeper into the hole in her stomach.

She couldn't say she was an hermit.

She was more than that. Or less, according to the point of view.

And sides...

Marisa didn't intend it as Yukari did, she was sure, and yet there was still a trace of egoism in it, of division. Either with or without.

Kasen looked at Marisa in the eyes, resolute.

“I am Kasen, and I am on the side of good.”

As nice as that all sounded, it didn't tell Marisa anything.

Anyone could profess to be on the side of good; in fact there wasn't anybody that didn't.

Reimu certainly thought herself to be on the side of good.

So did Marisa.

“Can you be more specific?”

Right.

All of that meant nothing.

And she'd deluded herself into thinking it didn't.

More silence.

But there was a point where the right side laid, that could be broadly recognized.

“I am on the side of the humans.”

And knowing this was what Yukari would have never wanted to hear gave her solace.

That was good to hear.

The human's side wasn't a bad one, and they really needed the help, though it could not be delivered.

But as to what that meant for her...

Marisa had left the human's side years many years ago. She'd been running damage control on the opposite side.

And still, she could find an ally in Kasen, maybe.

Being on the human's side, truly, not just patching things up in the status quo, not just reveling in the present while acting for its continuation, meant being against Gensokyo, after all.

It meant hoping for a better future.
Marisa smiled.

“Great! Well then Kasen, I won't bother you for any more time. Great to know you and i have a cause in common, still.”

Marisa flew away towards the shrine, giving her time to think.

That witch had the same cause as her? Really?

She doubted it, honestly.

This whole exchange was perplexing. In the end it hadn't yielded anything.

But now she knew that Marisa knew.

Though even that didn't change anything. She could do nothing but trust the untrustworthy witch.

…

Kasen flew towards the Hakurei shrine.

XX/12/2018

Kasen sat in her house, meditating.

The days since The Mess had been tranquil, the arm finally sealed, and she was enjoying the days of quiet retreat with her animals.

She sometimes wondered how Reimu was doing, but for the time being she could just not worry about what was happening outside the hermit retreat.

All was quite in and outside the house, the barrier separating that space erasing all outside noise-

GROWL

“No, not again!”

Marisa's voice.

Why? What did she want?

Nothing good could come out of this.

Kasen exited the house as fast as she could, slamming open and jumping out of a window in the emergency.

Marisa laid strewn on the ground, a tiger holding her down.

She turned, noticed Kasen, and gestured to the best of her current capabilities.

“Hey Kasen! Mind getting your tiger off me?”

The hermit walked over, grimacing in expectation of the future.

“Why, and how, are you here?”

Marisa smiled.

“It was pretty damn hard, it has taken me months of flying around trying to find this place.

I just wanna talk!”

Deja vu.

Marisa had maintained her word. But for the witch to be here now she could expect the worst.

Kasen contemplated throwing her outside of the retreat and shifting its position, making it so the wretched conversation would never happen, but decided against it. If anything Marisa would find her again, at a worse time.

Kasen sighed.

“Fine.”

Kasen and Marisa sat across a table in the hermit's house.

“What do you want to talk about”?

Marisa stopped smiling.

Really? Again?

“Why did you drag Reimu to hell? What really happened?”

It was still shocking, and yet somewhat depressing. Marisa, of all people, had found her out. Again.

Denying it was probably useless.

“How.”

Marisa looked... unsettled.

“First of all, the explanation Tenshi gave us was extremely fishy, and Reimu looks suspicious every time I ask her about what happened.

Second, we haven't seen you at the shrine since. That was a dead giveaway.

Third, Oni are related to hell.”

...yea, that must have seemed pretty suspicious.

Marisa lifted herself from the table, straightening her arms.

“So? What happened?”
The witch was clearly distressed.

What happened...

Kasen looked down at the table.

“A mess is what happened.”

And how was she supposed to explain it?

It was a complicated and convoluted bundle of events she wouldn't have believed if it had been told to her, and if she weren't directly involved.

But Marisa was owed an explanation, even just for being so determined in reaching her.

XX/07/2016, an unrelated day.

Kasen sat against her house's walls, outside.

No distance could protect her from Yukari, but this at least made her feel better.
As long as she didn't think about how foolish it was.

But she'd dealt with it. Yukari had appeared out of nowhere, forced her to take a stance, put her in a perilous situation, and she'd held her ground.

At least the problem had been solved, and nothing more had come out of it.

Though how Sumireko's involuntary power was growing was cause for concern. She should monitor her more carefully.

It was a surprise she had adapted so quickly to Gensokyo. Maybe it was detachment from not actually living there, having a safety net ready to catch her anytime, but sometimes she acted like it all wasn't quite real, the stakes nonexistent. Only sometimes, though. The rest, she was there, dealing with reality, more seriously than most of the natives.

Kasen sighed.

Being thrust into Gensokyo for voyeurism was a strange fate. The girl continuous flux between reality and fantasy was like nothing she'd ever seen, and it was a precarious and dangerous position.

The girl had almost broken the Hakurei barrier, after all.

It was a mystery why Yukari hadn't murdered her, and instead kept making accommodations for her, even at the continuous risk to Gensokyo.

Knowing her, she would have just killed the girl first chance she got. Maybe too many people knew her? But that hadn't stopped her in the past...

It was all strange.

…

Kasen got up and started tending to her animals, trying not to think about the day's events for the moment in an attempt for reprieve.

Chapter Text

While contamination from the outside world is kept to a minimum, a strict censor imposed on technology, culture having little ways to transpire, objects easily find their way into Gensokyo, especially near the barrier. Items found this way are often useful, and it is recommended to scour the relevant territory should you carry on our cause.

The traffic of people, the most likely source of every kind of contamination, is the most controlled: The only humans who enter Gensokyo are provisions and carefully vetted immigrants. There has never been, and will never be, any exception.

XX/06/2015

'night, dad.”
“Goodnight.”

Sumireko, dressed in her usual pajamas, brushed her teeth.

The bathroom mirror reflected a girl in a homely bathroom, various objects scattered on the counter between shaving equipment, miscellaneous makeup, toothbrushes and toothpaste on a white-beige patterned background, tiles on the wall.

Having finished, the girl exited the room and headed into her bedroom.

Sumireko closed the door, locked it, and heaved a deep breath.

Time to prepare for the night.

She took off her pajamas, wore some comfortable everyday clothes and put her gymnastics shoes on; then she hitched a backpack to her chest.

She laid upon the bed, feet dangling to not dirty it, firmly grasping a flashlight and a compass in her left hand and her 3d printed gun in her right hand. Her fingers got tired after a bit, but she couldn't afford to let go of them.

Finally, she clumsily opened a bottle of melatonin gummies and ingested one without loosening her grip, managing only because of the already loose lid.

Just another night. One more onto the pile.

Dark.

Pitch black, not illuminated by anything, the moonlight too weak to be anything except a mockery, an empty promise of aid, the stars above too distant to care.

Sumireko bolted upright, barely feeling the undergrowth under her hands in the hurried effort. The jagged, irregular texture of the gun she grasped reassured her.

She turned on the torch with a flick of the switch, eyes darting around to inspect her surroundings.

Looked like the forest of magic. Not optimal, but there were much worse possibilities.

The forest was never silent, but nothing seemed near at the moment. Every noise made her turn, her heart lurching and her finger twitching. There was no safety to switch on the haphazard gun.

She looked at the compass.

Given where she was, the village should have been around...

Sumireko ran in the night, flashlight oscillating madly between the trees.

No speed felt fast enough, and yet exhausting herself in the middle of the forest would've put her in grave danger.

At some point she'd found the razor's edge to walk. To run.

A girl ran, surrounded by the night.

YY/05/2015

Dark.

A flame appeared, illuminating a forest.

Sumireko got up, the undergrowth dirtying her hands, which weren't holding anything. She didn't need anything, after all. She was confident in her powers.

She looked around, more flames appearing to provide her light.

It was the forest of magic today. It didn't really make a difference, but it was close to the human village, so she would save a handful of minutes getting there.

She levitated up high into the night sky.

The village could be identified clearly, its lights radiating against the night.

Sumireko swam in the night towards her target, sure of her route.

A girl flew, surrounded by the sky.

ZZ/05/2015

Dark.

Nothing happened, the forest unseen in the night's absolute shroud.

Huh? What the fuck was happening?
Sumireko hurried upright in a panic, unsure of where to place her hands to do so.

She felt soil and vegetation.

That meant nothing. She could be anywhere.

Why weren't her powers working?

Sumireko stood there, paralyzed. Sounds could be heard all around her, animals and youkai never stopping their lives. No doubt all ready to devour her.
The girl broke out of her stupor.

Sumireko ran in the night, nothing illuminating her way, in a desperate and despaired effort. She had no idea where she was going, and yet she ran as fast as she could, fueled by adrenaline, holding back nothing.

A girl fell, surrounded by the unknown.

Sumireko laid still on the ground, panting.

There was nothing she could do.

She didn't know where she was or where to go, running could only hurt her and lead youkai to her.

So she just laid still. Scared out of her wits, she let time pass. If she woke up, she would be jerked back to her home.

Only thing she could do...

Sumireko slowly unzipped the backpack strapped to her chest.

She then rummaged between books, wary of every little sound, until she found the gun and the magazine.

It wouldn't be of much use while being effectively blind, but it was a possible mean of self defense in extreme cases. Just having it in hand made her feel better.

The soil was cold and hard. It felt uncomfortable against her light clothes, touching her skin

in multiple points. The dirt mixed with her hair. She felt things against her skin, and didn't know which were insects and which were construct of her own mind.

Breathing hard, Sumireko waited.

How much time had passed?

She had no idea, unable to see her watch, and she didn't trust her perception.

It certainty felt like hours had passed, but she feared her mind was playing tricks on her.

Considering the situation she was in, it would be more th-

The first impression was excruciating pain.

That was also the second impression.

And the third.

And the fourth.

Sumireko fired the gun in an instinctive twitch.

The gunshot resounded in the forest, a foreign, hostile sound which scared even her.

Her ears ached. She'd never gotten used to that...

The pain seared in her right leg through her entire body. Whatever had been causing it had stopped, but that remained, a perpetual reminder of her injury.

Worse, she couldn't even look at the wound, let alone treat it. If she was going to bleed out, that would be it for her. Nothing to do, no battle to fight.

The helplessness tore away at her. She could do nothing. She had to lay there, still, without screaming, without moving, with a wound of unknown gravity, only pain and panic to accompany her.

At least everything would be like normal the next day.

Like it had all been a dream.

Fucking hilarious.

Sumireko laid still with all her might.

Sumireko laid on the bed in her room. The mechanical watch on her wrist signaled 5:24.

…

She'd never been so glad of her shitty sleep.

Sumireko turned the lamp next to her bed on and examined herself. No damage, as expected.

Every night her alternate self would clone her, and when she woke that clone would vanish, only the memories persisting, in addition to what she brought with her.

Speaking of...

She took off her backpack, opened it, and took out the gun and magazine.

Good thing she'd brought it with her, just in case.

What the fuck had happened to her powers? They'd functioned fine the day before, and then they'd up and vanished out of nowhere?

There couldn't think of any possible cause, outside of nigh impossibilities and random correlations.

But things didn't work that way. Even in the fantasy that was Gensokyo cause and effect ruled, even if they were oft esoteric and absurd. When something happened out of nowhere you could point to the out-of-nowhere-fenomenon-causer youkai. There had to be a reason.

…

But she couldn't think of any. All of her knowledge deserted her in front of an apparently inexplicable phenomenon.

Though that was no reason to give up. What good would science be if it had stopped in front of apparently inexplicable things and just marked them as impossible?

…

Still, no dice for now.

Sumireko spun the gun around in her hands.

And her gun had saved her.

But it wouldn't work forever. She couldn't just give up and hope to not die every night. That had been horrible. If her powers kept on being absent, she would have to learn to do without, somehow. Probably start exercising. She wouldn't go down without a fight. Never. What else was the gun for?

(Back to) XX/06/2015

Sumireko finally reached the village, the gate guards' fire the only source of light in the entire village. It was very late, and candles were luxury goods not to be wasted.

She knocked on the gate and shouted.

“Hey! It's the vanishing girl! Let me in!”

A small slot in the gate opened, and a head peeked out.

A man in his forties with a thick but short beard and long-ish hair looked at her, then turned his head to the side.

“Open up, it's just the vanishing girl.”
The first times had been tough, as they'd refused to let her in, but they'd eventually relented. She used to just fly in without any problem, but she'd adapted. The guards had been nice enough, once they'd stopped treating her like a monster.

Though that had taken a lot of effort.

JJ/05/2015

Sumireko banged against the village gate.

“Let me in! I'm a human!”

She'd finally managed to get to the village, and this was the reward she got?

A voice came through the open slot.

“Yeah, sure. At this hour, with those clothes, a human we've never seen wants to enter the village. Very believable.”

And a different one.

“Nice try, you damn youkai! You won't eat us today!”

And another.

“Honestly, I thought you bastards were smarter that this. What, did you get kicked from the tanuki because you suck at disguising yourself? 'Cause it shows.”

Come on! She needed to get in! A youkai could come and eat her anytime!

She kept beating on the huge town gate, its wooden doors not reacting to the abuse in the slightest.

They hadn't even bothered closing the slot after looking at her.

“Or was it the foxes?”

She didn't relent under the mocking. She needed to get in.

“Come on! I need to get in! I'm clearly a human!”
She heard a laugh from the other side.

“Ok, “Clearly A Human”, why do you need to get in?”
Sumireko switched to kicking. The sound punctuated her sentence.

“Because. if I. do not. a youkai. may. come. and. fucking. kill me!”

“Oooooh, congratulations on the credible motivation! Let's hear the rest of the story, then. Why are you outside at this hour, and why didn't you come to be let in earlier?”

“Yeah, come on! Let's hear it!”
Sumireko tried slamming on the gate, throwing her weight against it.

There was nothing she could say to that. The truth was utterly unbelievable, and would've only won her more ridicule; even if she managed to invent some plausible lie she would have to explain her presence her next day, dashing any possibility of making it back in. Hell, even if she managed to open the door somehow the guards would attack her, and entry the subsequent nights would be rendered impossible. She had to convince the guards of her humanity, somehow.

Playing into their taunts would do her no favors. She had to get off those rails.

She screamed.

“If you don't believe my humanity, how can I prove it to you?

Sumireko kept attacking the door, out of blind, unreasonable desperation. It was the only battle she could fight, so she fought. Knowing it was useless, because it was useless, she struggled.

“Well, you could die. It would make our job easier.”

“And stop it with this noise!”

That wasn't helpful.

Stop? And die?

They wanted her to die as proof, huh?

…

It would hurt like a bitch, but...

But what? It always hurt. Today she'd gotten lucky, having emerged unscathed, but every night brought a chance for pain or death with it. What she'd felt that first powerless day was far from the worst she'd suffered.

If this could improve her chances, lessen the overall pain, advance the fight, so be it.

Sumireko braced herself, clenched her fist and punched the gate as hard as she could, holding back nothing.

Pain.

Absolute suffering radiated from her hand.

She didn't want to look at it. She couldn't look at it. She was sure it was a bloodied mess, the mere thought of it making her recoil.

Sumireko rose her hand to the slot in the gate and screamed in agony.

“Does this look human enough to you? Let me in, you assholes!”

Unamused voices rose from the other side.

“Yeah thanks, we know you bastards can bleed.”

“Thanks for the reminder though! We appreciate it!”

Sumireko screeched incoherently.

A girl raged against the human village's wooden gate.

KK/06/2015

Sumireko bashed the village gate.

“Honestly, this is getting quite old.”
One or two of the voices changed every day.

“You think? I'd say it got old long ago.”

“Let me in then!”
A twisted kind of routine had taken hold staggeringly fast.

“Nah, I think i'll decline.”

At least youkai rarely approached the village. Some still did, instinctively lured by the mass of humans, and her use of the gun had won her no points with the guards. She'd played it off like she knew nothing, but they'd still gotten suspicious. And every bullet mattered... Plus the gun jammed often, and she had concerns about its durability.

Things couldn't continue like that. And yet they did.

“How many nights have to pass before you let me in?”

Someone put their face to the slot. The voice was one she'd often heard.

“Look, it isn't a matter of time. It's just that you're so unbelievable as a human, especially because you come here every night, that we'd be fools to let you in. Though even if you showed up in the village we'd take you in as a youkai. So ju-”

Sumireko vanished.

Sumireko laid on the bed in her room. Her watch marked 1:52 in the darkness.

Fuck.

She'd never vanished right in front of one of the guards.

If it wasn't cemented before, her youkai-ness was confirmed now.

She would have to try another approach.

HH/06/2015

Sumireko laid onto her bed. Her watch signaled 4:36 PM.

This would play hob with her already horrible sleep, but there wasn't any other way she could think of.

After her usual prep, she ingested an over the counter sleeping pill and closed her eyes.

Light.

Looked like the bamboo forest. Not bad. It felt strange, being in Gensokyo during the day. That hadn't happened since that urban legends mess.

She looked at her compass and glanced at her watch. No time to dawdle, she had to move.

Sumireko headed towards the Hakurei shrine.

Sumireko emerged from the trees, the shrine's side in front of her.

She could see Reimu sweeping the stone path.

Perfect. She'd worried the shrine maiden would be out and she'd have to do this again another day.

Sumireko approached Reimu, waving towards her.

The red-white clad girl looked at her with an expression of consternation and worry.

“It's you. What do you want from me? Here to cause another incident?”
She hadn't seen her since that day.

Sumireko did her best to put on a friendly face and matching tone.

“Hi! I need your help, actually. Can you convince the village guards i'm a human, and to let me into the village?”
Reimu scowled and glared at her.

“And why would I do that? I don't know what you are planning, but-”

“I'll give you five packs of rice.”
Reimu recoiled at the offer.

“...Deal.”

So the guard's chatter had been correct. The shrine maiden would do anything for food.

Good to know.

Sumireko smiled at her.

“Well, shall we go?”

Reimu lifted herself up in the air.

“Sure.”
Yeah, right. She wished. That way was precluded to her, for some fucking reason. She clenched her fists.

“I can't fly. I don't have any powers.”

Reimu looked surprised. Seemed genuine.

“But that day...”

She gestured, spreading her arms.

“I don't know what to tell you. One day my powers just stopped existing out of nowhere.”

Reimu levitated back down.

“I'll walk with you, then. Won't take very long anyways.”

Sumireko sighed.

“Thanks.”

She didn't like the shrine maiden, but she'd take any protection she could get.

Sumireko glanced at her watch. There was still time. Probably.

The two girls walked down the dirt road.

“How does the whole “guard” thing work, anyways?”

Reimu scratched her head.

“Well, it's pretty complicated. The village has no government, so the salary for the subsequent month is gathered through a collection spanning the entire village. Everyone chips in what they can, and the amount is almost always met. There aren't many guards anyways, so the amount's not very high. As for what their job is... It's pretty strange, if you ask me. They aren't held in particularly high regard, and they have no laws to uphold, so what they do uphold is common sense. It only works if people agree with them, and if they don't that person isn't going to be a guard for long. They guard the gate, but that's pretty much only done at night; during the day there's only one person, in case it needs to be closed. Oh, and they fight youkai, but only if needed.”

Huh. Guards with no government behind them. Interesting.

“What do mean by “If needed”?

“Any encounter with a youkai normally results in certain and swift death. After that, there is no reason to engage in a fight.”

Logical, if chilling.

“Do they have some kind of central building? Somewhere we can go so you can testify my humanity?”
Reimu shrugged.

“They have a storeroom in which they keep equipment and nothing else. I'll bring my testimony to the gate guard, and i'll tell them to spread the word.”

The two walked on.

“You aren't gonna ask why I need this?”

“I don't really care.”

What a piece of work.

Reimu and Sumireko walked towards the open gate.

Nobody was passing through it at the moment, everyone that worked outside the village having already exited and everyone who worked inside having no intention of exiting. In the afternoon the traffic was always low.

A guard sat in a chair next to the gate, a spear in hand.

They were all quite laid back, huh.

Seeing her approach, the guard bolted upright and pointed at her. It wasn't one she'd seen before, but then again she'd seen quite few of their faces.

“It's you! The vanishing girl!”

She recognized the voice. She'd heard it some times before, but it didn't belong to anybody that had been at the gate the day before.

“The vanishing girl?”

“Kaneda said that yesterday you vanished right in front of his eyes!”

“Wait... Shit!”
The guard shook himself from the stupor, turned backwards and ran.

“There's a youkai trying to enter the village!”

Sumireko turned to her companion and lightly elbowed her.

“Reimu, some help?”

The shrine maiden sighed, then shouted.

“Stop! There's no youkai here!”

The guard stopped and turned, but didn't move back.

“You sure? 'Cause we're pretty damn sure that's a youkai!”

“Yes! I am sure! She is just a cursed human! In fact, if you just let her enter the human village when she asks there will be no problems.”

Reimu glared at the guard.

“But if you do not, you'll have to face the wrath of the Hakurei. Spread the word to the other guards.”

The man seemed pretty skeptical of the whole thing, especially the “wrath of the Hakurei” part, but he nodded and sat back into the chair.

Sumireko looked at her watch. She had very little time left.

Reimu turned towards her and extended her hand.

“Rice, please.”

Should they really do that in front of the guard? Oh well.

She took out a cloth bag from her backpack. Ten kilograms of rice in total. The disposal of the plastic packets may prove a problem for the shrine maiden...

“Here.”

Reimu picked up the bag and looked into it.

“Good. It'll be a while before I starve, now. “

Sumireko couldn't tell if she was joking or not.

She looked at the watch once more. Time for a dramatic exit...

The girl approached the guard with slow, measured steps and looked at him straight in the eyes.

“See you guys tonight, then!”

She gave a wave.

Sumireko vanished.

Sumireko laid onto her bed. An alarm blared. The hands on her watch marked 6:30 PM.

It had come to wire, but she'd accomplished her objective. She could enter the human village. She could reach safety.

…

Reimu had called her a cursed human.

Funny.

It hadn't been wrong, really.

She had no idea what would happen if her her dream self died, but she could infer it wouldn't be good.

Being forced to fight for her life every night, in the time that would for any other human be a respite, wouldn't that be called a curse?

…

Whatever.

She had considered sleeping during the day, but both school and parents wouldn't allow that, and doing it partially would only worsen her sleep even more.

She would have to deal, and keep on fighting.

…

This whole thing sucked.

XX/06/2015

Sumireko walked into the darkness of the village, leaving the guards and their fire behind her.

She turned on her flashlight and walked, careful to not make much noise, until she entered a small dead end alley in which she sat, back against the wall.

Done. Now to wait.

Sumireko dislodged her backpack, set it aside, opened it fully and rummaged inside.

Study or fiction first?

It was the summer, there was no urgency. She took out her e-reader, turned on the screen's light and started reading.

Sumireko flipped pages with one hand, while the other held the flashlight. The setup was kind of a hassle, but it was the only way to read comics in the dark. This one had costed her quite a bit and-

A woman was in front of her. She was sure she had slid in from the air. She had blonde hair with red ribbons tied into them, scarcely illuminated by the light, and a strange, intricate purple-white dress. A fairly heavy omnibus was making contact with her face.

The comic fell to the ground, the woman seemingly unfazed.

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. She'd put her gun away, and now it was at the bottom of the backpack. She wouldn't be able to reach it.

Sumireko got up, grabbed the open backpack and ran away. No time to worry about stuff falling out.

Good thing she'd had the flashlight in hand. She wasn't that far from the guards either. She could just run.

Turn right, Turn right, turn left, keep on running...

Sumireko fell into nothing, where the road should've been.

She fell into the ground of the dead end alley, gripping her flashlight. The comicbook laid on the ground next to her. The woman loomed at her from above.

What?

She got up again and ran.

Another way now. If she went left, right and right again she should still reach the gate...

Sumireko fell again.

The alley, again.

Another plan then.

She got up and ran away.

When she got out of the woman's sight, she slowed down and searched for the gun in the backpack.

There it was.

Sumireko gripped the gun firmly and kept running.

After short time, she fell.

Careful, now.

She fell to the ground, aimed her at the woman gun and pulled the trigger.

A bullet perforated Sumireko's right leg. The girl screamed in pain.

“That's not very nice.”

The woman talked. It didn't matter. Fuck, it hurt. She couldn't run like this. She was at the mercy of that woman.

“Now, will you listen to me?”
Her gun had never failed her before. Even when all of her powers had deserted her, leaving her a nobody, that had still worked. And this woman had turned it against her. She didn't even know how.

Sumireko wanted to shoot her again, to employ all of the backpack's contents against her, to get up and punch and kick and maul and fight and do whatever she could to hurt her.

She could do none of that. The pain overwhelmed her.

The woman stepped towards her, towering above her, and looked her in the eyes.

“Simply put, you are a danger to Gensokyo. To all of us. To me. The most logical thing would be to kill you right this moment, like I should've done when you first threatened Gensokyo.”

Another who wanted to kill her.

“But i've decided against it. If you agree to some conditions, that is.”

Forced move. She hated that impotency. Not trusting her mouth, she nodded.

“Good. First,” she said taking out a pill from nowhere, “Ingest this.”

No. Not if she could help it.

“Why?”

The woman chuckled.

“Come on, now. If I wanted to hurt you I would've done it already, and I wouldn't need this.”

She had done it already. Besides, maybe she wanted to hurt her in a way that required the pill.

Vain sophistry.

Sumireko ate another loss.

“Good. That pill should make you immune to any and all diseases for the next six months. Can't have you start a pandemic, after all. It's an hourai product, and those are quite reliable; consider it a bonus. I'll give you another when the effect runs out.”

Was that true? If so, it was incredible. There was no way to verify it for now.

“Second, you will not bring anything disruptive into Gensokyo. Don't worry, you haven't violated this rule so far. At random times, my subordinate will search you when you come into Gensokyo. If you try to bring anything disruptive, I will kill you.”
Who even was this woman? A youkai, that much was obvious, but why were they so intent in protecting Gensokyo?

“Third, you will make friends with the people of this world, characters such as the ones you've already encountered, and if you see anything untoward, anything threatening Gensokyo, you will report it to me. Do not worry about reaching me, I will make myself known.”

The woman took a step back.

“That is it. Your powers will be returned to you.”

She slid back into the air.

Sumireko was left there, alone with her thoughts.

…

First things first.

She rummaged in her backpack, took out some painkillers and a bottle of water, extracted the right dose and ingested it.

Better.

She then took out a roll of bandages and bandaged her bullet wound.

Examining it, the bullet was still in there. Whatever. The important thing was not bleeding to death before she woke up.

…

What now?

She tried using her powers. Sure enough, a flame flickered into existence.

What could she even do?

She'd been given back her powers, and yet she was more impotent then ever.

The only thing she could do is comply.

The woman had barged in from nowhere, imposed her will and left.

She would have to employ social skills she didn't have to do a job she didn't want to do, and to do that she would have to sleep a significant amount during the day, and to do that she would have to consume an inordinate amount of sleeping pills and fuck up her sleep even more and that would require accurate time management and that...

It would have knock-on effects on her entire life.

Just an absolute loss of control.

She would keep on going, fight for the remainder of her life, but the whole thing was just depressing.

It was all a big nightmare.

…

No. Absolutely not.

What was she thinking, giving up here?

A mysterious youkai lady with a hold on her powers had threatened her with death?

Ok!

She'd taken on the entirety of Gensokyo and almost won! She'd almost shattered the place! She'd survived not having powers for a harrowing month and more!

She'd taken her powers away, why, because she was a danger? Good! She would prove to be a danger!

She would find a way to fuck her over and take the control from her. No matter how long it would take, she would fight and she would triumph.

For now, she just had to play ball.

XX/07/2015

Sumireko leaned on the shrine's wall. Her watch marked 6:13.

Reimu was sweeping the shrine. It almost seemed like it was all she did.

This was taking time out of her day. She could get back some time at night, but it didn't make the whole thing any less of a pain in the ass.

Better make it count.

“Apropos of nothing, but-”

Reimu turned towards her, still sweeping.

“What's an apropos?”

Second try.

“Nothing. Random question, but have you ever seen a certain youkai? Blonde hair with ribbons, strange white and purple dress, space warping portal powers?”

Reimu looked at her, surprised, stopping her sweeping for the moment.

“When did you...”

Her eyes narrowed.

“Forget it. That's Yukari Yakumo. She's Gensokyo's creator and chief. I don't even want to know what she's got to do with you.“

She turned her back to Sumireko and resumed sweeping, ignoring her presence.

Huh.

That was... strange. What was Reimu's relation with that woman? Wasn't the shrine maiden Gensokyo's defender?

…

And what a situation she was in, pitted against Gensokyo's creator.

Sumireko clenched her fists.

So be it.

XX/09/2015

Light.
And sound, a scream piercing the air.

Sumireko bolted upright, and almost fell over. The terrain was sloped, a meadow around her.

What was happening?
Sumireko turned around to an horrid scene.

A person laid on the ground, struggling. They looked like a young adult, around twentyfive years old. Their clothes, a long sleeved shirt with gym trousers and black shoes, clearly marked them as someone from the outside world. Their mouth was opened in a shriek of agony.

Their shirt was torn open in the center and tinted crimson, a creature feasting on their chest. Its mouth was connected to an irregular mound of raw flesh as big as a melon, stick thin appendages connected to claws gripping the person's face, arms and legs, with even more idle in the air.

Sumireko hurled fire onto the creature, aimed and shot the gun.

It jammed after the second shot, while the pyrokinetic barrage persevered. The scream continued, perforating her head. She could barely see the person, the fire distorting the air, the knowledge of what she would witness distorting her vision.

Why was the scream continuing? Was her attack doing nothing?

The sound drove a scalpel through her skull.

It had to stop.

She ignited all the air around the person, around the thing. The resulting sound suppressed the scream with its violence for only a brief moment. The smoke obscured the scene.

How could it be?

The smell of cooked flesh permeated the air, nauseating her.

The scream haunted her.

She turned away from the horror.

Sumireko stumbled away in panic before remembering she could fly.

All the skeletons around the barrier had been visible in the light. From today, there would be one more.

She shook in the air, her flight uncertain.

The first time she had seen the skeletons she'd recoiled. There had been many, of varying age, all completely stripped of flesh, the bones broken for their marrow.

She had thought that, at the very least, she would be able to prevent it if given the chance.

Just another delusion.

Sumireko trembled with rage and sorrow, flying towards her destination. Moriya shrine.

By the time she neared her destination she had largely calmed down, the trauma buried but ready to resurface at the slightest disturbance.

Better to think about something else. Anything else.

The shrine was pretty cool. It was big, bigger than Reimu's, and much more ornate. There were actual worshipers in front of it, lost in prayer, and people going to and from it.

The building was well maintained, religious symbols plastered onto it, with Sanae standing solemnly in front of it and talking to people. She counted as a religious symbol, right?

Compared to this, Reimu's shrine was pretty awful. Not compared to this, Reimu's shrine was still pretty awful. Honestly, comparing Moriya shrine to the Hakurei shrine was doing it a disservice.

That was enough sightseeing. She should get down.

Sumireko landed onto the stones before the temple, attracting some stares from the visitors.

Acting solemn, she approached the wind priestess, tapping her on the shoulder to divert her from her current conversation.

“Pardon me, o sublime shrine maiden, but the time for our sacred rendezvous in nigh. I shall await your will in thy holy abode.”
Not waiting for a response, she turned away and headed into the temple, smiling to herself.

Relying on her memory of the place, she went in Sanae's room and sat, waiting for her there.

Sure enough, she only had to wait a handful of minutes before the door was opened by the wind priestess.

“Gee, laying it a little too thick there, don't you think?”

Sumireko smirked.

“I have no idea what you're talking about.”

Sanea smiled, closing the door behind her

“Sublime shrine maiden? Thy holy abode? Sacred rendezvous? French hasn't even arrived here in Gensokyo!”

“Works even better if they thought I was using some arcane and mystical term, then.

And last time I checked you are a sublime shrine maiden in an extremely holy abode.”

Sanae sat down in front of her, grinning.

“Would you really consider me sublime?”

“Have you seen the other shrine maiden?”

Sanae laughed. It was nice to see.

“Point. So, for this most sacred affair, have you brought”, and here she brought her voice as deep as it could go, “the stuff?”

Sumireko chuckeled and played along, doing her best impression of a fourty year old mafia henchman who smokes a pack of sigarettes a day.

“Yes boss, I got the stuff.”

With this she opened her backpack and extracted a set of ten volumes.

“Here's the entirety of Lucifer And The Biscuit Hammer.”

Sanae cheered.

“Yes! I've been wondering how it continued for more than 8 years! Sumireko, my savior!”

This was nice. Sanae was nice. If it wasn't so staunchly opposed to before, to what she'd seen, to what she'd felt, to what had happened, it would feel better. It wouldn't feel so manufactured, so fragile. Like she was fooling herself, like it would fall apart at any moment.

Like she wasn't supposed to be there, laughing, being happy.

That reasoning wouldn't bring anything good. She knew that.

Sumireko grasped for distractions.

The backpack weighted on her chest. There was more.

She took out another set of volumes. Right. The script, what she had planned to say to say when packing that comic, was coming back to her.

She lifted her head to see Sanae looking at her, mildly concerned.

“And since even when you were in the outside world you didn't have good taste, I brought you all the Akira volumes.”

That joke-y tone was detached from reality. It didn't belong to her, and it was jarring.

“Sumireko? What's up?”

Guess it showed.

Her composure crumbled.

She spoke, quietly, no fight in her voice.

“Why do so many humans get trapped by the barrier and eaten? Isn't it supposed to be a wall? Why does it act like a fly trap with frogs inside? Why?”

What fucked up world had she thrown herself into?

Sanae sat there, paralyzed.

Why?

Everything for paradise...

right?

Chapter Text

Gensokyo, as praxis, welcomes everyone; everyone, that is, who survived outside of it and fits into Yukari Yakumo's criteria, which is almost no one. I am unsure of what happened when the barrier was created, but I am certain it wasn't good for any fantastical being outside it.

We cannot but pity them.

In all my years, and in all those that do not belong to me but I nevertheless posses, i've never seen Gensokyo welcome anyone after the initial exodus towards it..

This will not change, I am sure.

And even if I am somehow wrong, which I never am, and someone is eventually let into this purgatory, it will only be to further Yukari's aims.

XX/XX/2006

Sanae climbed the stone steps up to the shrine that was her home, stewing inside.

That gripe was part of her routine, but going up all that route after a hard day of high school was still a pain in the ass, and it never got better. She was disgusted by the thought of how much time out of her life she'd spent on the path to the shrine.

No way to avoid it. That was just how her home was. Came as her birthright.

Wouldn't have to worry about the housing market, wouldn't have to worry about exercising her legs. Pluses and minuses.

The house wasn't really hers either, but she supposed that was just another part of that birthright.

She reached the final step and walked onto the short stone tiled path, which was deserted as usual. In front of her the shrine stood. It looked... well, as usual. She'd seen it too many times to be even remotely impressed. Tourists seemed to like it, though. Good thing too, considering how hard it was to maintain.

Sanae stepped onto the building's wooden surface, opened the door and shouted.

“Kanako! Suwako! I'm home!”

No response.

Not that unusual. Maybe they hadn't heard her.
Oh well. Her stomach was killing her. A glance at her watch revealed it was around three. No wonder she was so hungry.

Sanae directed herself to the kitchen.

What even was in the fridge?

She looked inside. Nothing inspiring.

Time for the classic, then.

She took out a pot, filled it partially with water, put it on the stove, turned on the heat and salted it. Then she took out the a bag of rice from the pantry, measured 90g, waited for the water to boil and then poured in the rice and waited for it to cook, passing the time on her phone.

Finally, she took out an egg, a medium sized pan and a spatula, drained the rice, oiled the pan on the stove, turned it on, put in the rice, cracked the egg on top of it and spatula-ed the end result until the egg had been cooked.

Food, at last.

She put it in a plate, grabbed a fork and headed into the dining room. Well, the room with a table onto which they dined. It wasn't a very remarkable room.

Going in, she was surprised to see Suwako and Kanako at the table, looking solemn.

“What's up?”

If they were there they must have heard her when she came home. Why hadn't they said anything? Had they been waiting for her?

Kanako spoke.

“Sit down, Sanae.”

She sat down and put the plate down on the table.

She didn't know what was happening, but she really wanted to eat.

Under the stares of the gods, she raised a fork of rice and egg to her mouth. Come to think of it, she should've taken a spoon.

“What is the value of an immortal life?”

Sanae chocked on the rice. Kanako kept staring at her, while Suwako looked at her in the eyes, silent. The whole thing was quite unsettling.

She swallowed.

“Pretty high, I suppose.”

The gods stayed unmoving and inexpressive, arms straight on the table.

Maybe she could get another forkful?

As she raised her fork the god spoke again.

“If a human life has a certain amount of value, what's the worth of a life that can go on forever?”

Why was she asking this?

“Higher than mine, that's for sure.”

Even if she wasn't talking about hers or Suwako's.

She ingested another forkful of rice. She knew it was good, she knew that she liked it, and yet it was hard to taste it in that moment.

“Yes. But in general...”

And that which she did taste felt dissonant with the situation, vaguely unreal.

The movements of the fork awkward, every little scrape against the plate audible, the chewing and swallowing mechanical, jarring and ungraceful, contrasting with the still, perfect figures in front of her.

She swallowed another bit of rice and anwered.

“In general, it is immensely higher than the value of mortal life, so high that the two cannot be compared.”

What was the point of this exercise?

She had time to eat another six forkfuls of rice before Kanako said anything more.

“Correct.”
A pause. Another bit of rice eaten.

“Sometime in the future we are going to move to Gensokyo. The date and the particulars haven't been decided yet. Gensokyo is an eternal land where immortal life is prioritized above all else and culture and progress are blocked at that of fifteenth century japan. Youkai still live there. “We” may include the shrine.”

Just like that.

Sanae shoveled rice into her mouth. It felt like chalk.

What about her life?

Of course, it had no value. She knew that, rationally, but she couldn't help but feel otherwise.

“In Gensokyo, the part of you that has godly descent may awaken, and you may acquire immortality, or at least a semblance of it.”

An existence she didn't want, forever. Maybe.

What about her education? The degree in theoretical physics she was planning for? Everything cut off at the eleventh grade? Her comforts? Her world?The life she had?

Dashed with an ill explanation.

That too was her birthright. Ill in sense, ill in purpose, ill in effect.

She finished her meal and went into the kitchen, careful to keep her face immobile, placing plate and fork into the sink.

Sitting down at kitchen counter, she cried.

Not a lot. For a short time, actually. She knew her place, her assigned fate. But the loss felt too important to not cry.

Wiping her face, she walked to the sink and washed the dishes.

XX/XX/2007

“...and what would our position among the Tengu be?”

A woman sat at the dining table. She wore a purple and white dress which looked too annoying to wear for any purpose other than be impressive and ribbons in her blonde hair which looked pretty cool but also a pain in the ass to put on. Maybe someone else did her hair. All together, she looked like a cosplayer. The woman probably wouldn't have appreciated her assessment, but that's just how it came off.

Not that she could say anything. Her own official outfit would've fit right in at an anime convention.

“They will not bother you nor your worshipers, but you will have to form new treaties with them should you want to expand or build anything more. As for your position faith, authority or power wise, that is something you are going to have to deal with yourselves.”

The woman had come out of nowhere, figuratively and literally, into the room, though Kanako and Suwako seemed to have been waiting for her.

Now the two gods were questioning her.

“Is there a supply of water nearby?”

Sanae had come in during this meeting and she was now leaning on the wall, listening, not being regarded at all.

“There is a well reasonably nearby, as well as a lake.”

It didn't take a genius to figure out this was about what she'd been calling “The Move” in her head.

There had clearly been previous meetings, though she'd never seen the woman before. Maybe they'd happened while she was at school, or while she was sleeping.

Not that there was much of a point to school anymore. It had been reduced to a zero sum game. The only thing that kept her going was a desire to keep up a degree of normalcy.

“And what about your... terms?”

The woman laughed.

“Oh, they are still quite simple. You must only do a good job with your religion, give the humans something to latch onto. The current one is doing quite a bad job at that.

As well, you will cause something of a ruckus the day of your arrival. It's something of a tradition. You could call it an initiation ceremony.

Just go threaten the other shrine maiden to close down her shrine and that should do the trick. Maybe it'll act as a wake up call for her. Remember the spell card rules i've told you about and it'll all be good fun. A formal introduction of sorts.

Oh, but do not actually do anything against her shrine. That kind of ambition will get you killed.”

Who was that woman to threaten them like that? What were spell card rules? And what about giving humans something to hang on to?

What situation were they in inside that place that they needed a handhold so desperately?

“What of the fauna around the area?”

Sanae walked to her room, as the gods talked. It didn't matter whether she listened or not, it would all be the same. She would be instructed as to what her duty would be, and that would be that. Maybe not knowing would make The Move easier, in virtue of not having a chance to be anxious.

YY/YY/2007

This would be it.

She'd learned how to fly and how to do spell cards, of which she'd prepared a few. She'd been instructed about Gensokyo's rules, at least the ones she needed to know. Infrastructure for gas, water and electricity had been disconnected, the appliances remaining in case they found some way to produce electricity and because it was too much of an hassle to take them out.

The woman had applied something at the corners of the shrine, the gods were perched onto the roof surveying the process, and she had been left to do nothing while the most important event of her entire life took place.

So she sat in her room, listening to music cds from her laptop, using up the last of its battery, and looked out the window, waiting for change.

For a long time it was the view she'd always had, that of her entire life up until then. The city, or at least a part of it, the roads and what laid on the border.

Then, suddenly, void, the light from the window cut, the room dashed in darkness for some terrible minutes, giving her few time to be terrified of what was happening before the view changed once again to a forest.

That would be it Gensokyo, then.

She went out to find the shrine onto a mountaintop, no path but earth and grass in front of it, the foundation fixed in the ground like it had always been there. Before she had time to take in her surroundings she heard an order. Kanako's voice.

“Sanae, go deliver our threat to the other shrine. Fly around and find it. Then come back here and guard the shrine.”

“Yes.”

Sanae flew into the sky, struggling to orient herself in the new world sprawled in front of her.

Her part of the pantomime was over. She sat in her room, waiting for it to end, reading a book. Initiation ceremony... Yeah, right. She didn't buy it. Not that she had any say over it.

“Sanae! Come!”

She got up and went.

“Go and spread our faith among the village, predicating not just our religion but us in specific, placing yourself as the holy intermediary. Do not advise to go to the shrine for now, but advertise its existence. Establish good relations with the people, get a sense of the village's structure, social climate and needs. Inspect the provisions available for sale, but do not buy anything for the moment. Also, inquire regarding stonemasons and woodworkers to...

ZZ/ZZ/2007

“Please save my dear daughter in her birth, do not let her nor her spawn die, I implore you.”

One of her main duties was listening to prayers, to act as intermediary between the humans and the gods.

“Please heal my friend of his sickness, so he may get up and walk again.”

The prayers weren't spoken, but she heard them nevertheless.

“Please make it so I will not catch the illness and die like all the others.”

And endless stream of appeals and implorations crowded her mind at every waking hour, any time someone went to the shrine and formed a prayer.

“Please, don't make me die outside the village from the youkai. I cannot live in this terror any longer.”

It wasn't quite torture, but it felt close sometimes.

“Please, grant me a safe childbirth, spare me from my sister's fate, I know its atrocity.”

Besides, it was her sacred duty.

“Please, help me survive my illness, give my body strengh.”

But it made her acutely aware of the worshipers' suffering.

“Please, heal my infected wounds, give me the life I lack.“

And she knew it was all avoidable.

That it was all fabricated.

She turned from the procession of the faithful and opened the shrine's doors, walking in.

If she made an effort she could tune out the laments, grant herself respite, at least temporarily.

What she was going to do was irregular. She'd never done it before, and it had taken her way too much time to convince herself to do it.

But all that suffering couldn't be ignored. Wasn't it her duty to communicate it?

She headed to the gods' room and knocked.

“Yes, Sanae?”

Kanako's voice.

She took a deep breath. She could do this.

She faced the closed door.

“I have received the worshipers prayers. A lot of their plight is caused by preventable diseases, curable wounds and complications with birthing, all caused by the block on science. We could help them, we could-”

A sudden interruption, hard, cold.

“No. This is how it must be. If it weren't so, humans would stop believing in youkai. The immortals would fall once again. Remember what you've been taught. Gods are above, superior to things.”

“...yes.”

That would be it. The god's word, sacred and absolute.

Sanae stepped away from the door.

She felt horrible, struggling against reality.

She knew the god's word was correct, no matter how much her mind fought against it. She had to be rational.

The flood of prayers opened once more, impossible to deny.

Sick to her stomach, she retreated to the kitchen, a relic of a different reality. The one she preferred to be in, the one where she wasn't complicit in abject suffering, the one where what she knew to be true didn't conflict with what she knew to be just.

Sanae gripped the sink and vomited bile, only making her feel more wrong, the liquid's acrid smell repelling her..

She had to do something. She had to do nothing.

It was all wrong. It was all just.

She was an horrible person. She was enacting the god's will.

She gagged, nothing coming out.

The pleas for help drowned her.

This road is not easy. Far from it, in fact. Walking it will take going against everything you know, everything you've ever been taught, everything you hold true, demolishing it and rebuilding it from scratch. It takes exceptional circumstances to be able to see it and exceptional people to be able to follow it.

But it is such an important cause that for those that do see it and choose not to walk it, the sniveling cowards, I hold nothing but contempt. Do you think it was easy for me, going this far? Living on for centuries knowing what was happening and being able to do nothing, my every hope dashed at each turn I took? And building what there is now, taking this final plunge for a near zero chance at success for the only course that can be truly defined as good, staking everything I am, knowing I am playing with worthy lives beside my own and feeling their weight?

So for you, who would turn your back from the truth, from the light, and take the chance to go back in the darkness, the knowledge of what is reality unable to be dashed, haunting you more than any youkai, flaring in the void and searing you?

I feel nothing but disgust and contempt.

You are hardly a member of the human race, you who chooses to keep the contest going under the laughing gaze of the spectator and organizer instead of turning your fist to them, pelting them with a rock, for what worth has your life, even, in that arena?

Even worse, you may choose to climb the walls designated as borders, silent, immutable oppressors, and instead of undermining them from your position or charging the responsible, the labyrinth commissioner real wretched monster, and instead build them higher, kicking down anyone else who may try to scale them and undertake the impossible, noble quest, leaving their broken body to bleed out on the ground, and cheer, for you've convinced yourself it is your victory and not that of your owner, your triumph, and that you may not be pushed off if you prove yourself useful, maybe even that you have become equal to your master.

You are only deluding yourself, and I hope you die in a ditch, your body defiled by the youkai you oh so loved and spat upon by the humans, seen for the scum you are.

YY/07/2015

It was a slow day. Plus during work hours nobody came anyways.

Sanae swept up the shrine's stone path, taking a break from sawing up ema tablets.

She looked just like as she had eight years ago. She guessed that she'd become, at least partially, like a god and that was the result.

Still, she had no idea if it was temporary, if she would suddenly die at a regular human age or if it meant she was, at least age wise, immortal. The prospect was pretty dreadful. What reason would she have to want to live more?

“Hey!”

A feminine voice shouted from above.

Sanae looked up to a rapidly descending girl above her.

She'd never seen her before. The girl had long-ish brown hair, glasses, a t-shirt and a medium length skirt. A backpack was strapped to her chest.

“!”

The girl landed in front of her.

“Are you from the outside world?!”

The girl looked mildly perplexed for a moment, liked she hadn't expected that question.

“I am. And you're Sanae, right?”
Huh. Who was this person, and how did she know her?

“Yes, that's me.”

The girl smiled.

“Cool. I'm Sumireko. I heard from Reimu that there was another shrine maiden and she was from the outside world, so I got curious. Nice to meet you.”

Well, this was unusual. Not unpleasant, though.

“Likewise.”

Awkward silence.

“So, how's being an actual shrine maiden?”

“What do you mean by “actual””?

“Would you consider Reimu an actual shrine maiden?”

No, not really. She had near zero worshipers, she didn't prepare amulets nor ema, she didn't maintain the shrine, she wasn't approached for kitō or purifications, she didn't do divination of any sort, and Sanae was pretty sure there wasn't even a kami in that shrine and she didn't even hear the prayers.

Not hearing the prayers...

Sanae shuddered for a moment.

Sumireko shot her a concerned look.

She couldn't think about that.

“You said you're from the outside world, but how is that possible?”

Sumireko looked mildly uncomfortable at being asked that. Shouldn't she have expected those kinds of questions? Still, she answered.

“When I fall asleep a copy of me gets teleported here with everything I had on me, and when I wake up I vanish and everything I have on me gets teleported back.”

That sounded really annoying. And...

She glanced at her watch.

“Wait, so you are sleeping at 12? Isn't that pretty unhealthy?

Even more uncomfortable now.

“Yeah...”

Better to change topic.

“Well, if you wanna talk let's go inside. Better than staying here under the sweltering sun, right?”

She turned and gestured at Sumireko to follow her, but the girl hesitated.

“Don't the gods live there? Am I allowed to go in?”

Not like they would care about what she did.

“I also live there. It's fine.”

The two girls headed in Sanae's bedroom.
It hadn't changed much since The Move.

The bed rested against the wall opposite to the door, covered by brightly colored sheets.

She lived in hope that the mattress wouldn't break; If the bedding tore or the bedframe collapsed she could repair them, but there were no mattresses in Gensokyo.

On her table, positioned against the right wall together with a chair, sat her old laptop (another thing that was held together by intentional miracles, though she couldn't use it for anything much without an internet connection), its charger and some books she knew by memory at that point.

(She couldn't believe that they'd not only gotten a steady supply of electricity in Gensokyo, but it was produced through nuclear fusion! Nuclear fusion! Holy shit! She doubted they'd accomplished that in the outside world, and here she was having her appliances powered by nuclear fusion!)

The other books were in a small bookcase on the left wall, crowded and disorganized, with little empty space remaining.

All in all the room felt pretty small and cluttered, but everything fit.

Sanae sat on her bed, gesturing Sumireko to sit too, which she did.

“How's being a shrine maiden?”

What a strange question. She'd never asked herself that. That was just who she was. She might as well be asked “How's being yourself?”

“I don't know.”

Sumireko seemed disoriented by that answer.

“So, you can bring things to and from Gensokyo?”

Another uncomfortable question, apparently.

“...within certain limits. Why?”

There were infinite possibilities, but one was most important.

“Could you get me some schoolbooks?”

There was something she could have back.

XX/09/2015

Yes.

That was how the world should be. That was how the world was supposed to be.

For it to be any other way was unacceptable. The human suffering was, therefore, acceptable.

There could only be one truth, and it must lay in the gods. She knew that. She knew it with absolute certainty.

She hadn't known outside world humans regularly got trapped in Gensokyo and eaten, but it made sense. A lot of youkai had to eat human flesh, and that was a good way to source it. And it made sense to prioritize the life of youkai over that of those humans. It was the right thing to do. The way to maintain paradise.

The problem was that when she opened her mouth to tell this to Sumireko, she just couldn't. No words came out. She chocked on the air. The prayers freed themselves from where they were being contained, buried inside her own mind, and piled onto her crisis, fragmenting her thoughts.

It was so very clear. It had to be. Then why couldn't she say it?

Maybe because she knew how Sumireko would react. How she would look at her, what she would say, what she would do.

And in spite of the truth, that was not something she wanted to happen.

Start from there, go on. Do something. Staying still, doing nothing, with Sumireko in that state was not acceptable.

“I don't know.”

And she didn't. She didn't know what to say.

“That's how Gensokyo is.”

And that's good.

But she couldn't say that.

“If you want to stop it, you're going to have to go against Gensokyo.”

Also true.

Done. That would discourage her.

Wait, no, fuck. She knew Sumireko. That was maybe the worst thing she could have said. She blamed the implorations disrupting her thoughts.

Case and point, Sumireko raised her head, a glint in her eyes.

“You're right. I will.”

Highlight the impossibility and folly of going against Gensokyo?
Wouldn't work.

Convince her that she was wrong about her ethical judgment?

Wouldn't work.

She didn't have any more ideas.

Maybe she should just go on with in. What's the worst that could happen? Maybe she could steer Sumireko away from getting killed.

“Ok.”

The important thing was keeping the truth in mind. Not being swayed. Being rational.

“I agree.”

Protecting paradise, against the flood of prayers.

“I will too.”

Against her instincts.

She wouldn't be swayed.

The supplications pushed against her, neverending.

She would learn to stop recoiling, to stop shuddering every time she thought about it. Maybe, after eight years, that tormentous sensation, that bottomless pit in her stomach, that absolute dread and compulsion to regret would finally leave her.

Chapter Text

Hieda No Akyuu sat in the archival room, a candle's dim flame illuminating her face.

She was turning a letter, of sorts, over and over in hands.

“You are only deluding yourself, and I hope you die in a ditch, your body defiled by the youkai you oh so loved and spat upon by the humans, seen for the scum you are.”

She chuckled.

Hieda No Anana had passion, that was for sure. She also had a lot of anger and plenty of arrogance.

“And even if I am somehow wrong, which I never am...”

Hilarious. A parody of itself.

Problem is, she hadn't been wrong. The anger had been just.

And she had planned contingencies.

Testament to that was the testament she held in her hands.

YY/YY/14YY

Today was a strange day.

More of the youkai exterminators had arrived, as scheduled, so she had gone to greet them after writing a note about it. If things kept going at that rate the village would house more of them than villagers.

The exterminators had delivered to her a strange message accompanied by a bizarre story...

Supposedly, while on the road to the village, an oni had burst from the woods, approached them, slapped an envelope in the hands of one of them and dove back in the greenery before any of them thought to do anything. An envelope that was now it her hands. On it was written: “To Hieda No Amu, then to the village's current leader, then to however many exterminators you'd like.”

She didn't trust it as far as she could throw it, which, without crumpling it, wasn't very far, but unless the exterminators were pulling a prank on her, which she doubted, it was an unprecedented event. Which meant that it would have concerned her even if she hadn't been directly addressed by the message.

Besides, an envelope couldn't kill her. No such youkai had ever been recorded, which meant that they almost certainly didn't exist.

In front of the exterminators' stares, she opened it.

The handwriting was competent, perfectly understandable, but rough, like the writer had wanted to spend the least time possible writing.

It read:

“Greetings.

To whomsoever it may concern, whom will be concerned:

The youkai sages, of which I am one, will be taking possession and control of Gensokyo. Your assistance, consent or acknowledgment of this is not required.

The contingent specified on the envelope is invited and required to visit the location detailed in the enclosed map, to make this easier on everyone. You will not be harmed in any way if you do this.

If you do not comply, the village leader and every exterminator will be killed by a squadron of Oni.

The Oni which handed you the letter, which would be me, will be there to instruct you on what to do and answer some of your questions. I have been sent to assure that you will not be lied to. As you know, Oni never lie.

-From Kasen Ibaraki. Vocabulary from the hag, do not expect me to talk like an asshole.”

Inked over the last word were other, much more colorful expressions.

Well, she was concerned alright.

Oni had kept themselves out of the conflict, content to be left alone. If they were now involved the humans had already lost.

Under the exterminators' gaze, with no regard to it, she sprinted to the village leader's house. Kataoka's The letter was too important to care about decor or appearances. They were all fucked anyways. All of their plans, each and every exterminators that the state sent, relied on the youkai not uniting, not being on the offensive. It all relied on the powerful ones not having any reason to attack, while they freed their land from all the ones who kept eating humans alive.

And even if it were only the Oni,they were all dead.

The exterminators' spiritual weapons didn't really work on them. They were flesh and blood, which was exactly what was strewn on the ground after any fight with them.

And problem was, they didn't lie nor deceive. Never.

She neared the leader's house. Most days the village didn't need leadership, so it was just... their house. The only thing different from the other houses was the two guards stationed outside, but they would recognize her.

“Hey, stop!”

She shouted.

“Four-Zero-Nine-Rice-Tadpole!”

Of course appearance meant little when tanuki and fox youkai existed, but they wouldn't have known that day's code. The guards didn't stop her.

She slammed the door open and ran into the house.

The guy was in the kitchen, doing something, probably. She didn't care. She slammed the open envelope in his hand as soon as she saw him.

“Read.”

Kataoka looked at the envelope, then at her face, then back at the envelope.

He opened it.

Amu could see the color draining from his face as he read.

He opened his mouth.

“No, it's not a joke.”

He closed it, then whimpered.

“What can I do?”

It was depressing, seeing the man like that. He didn't look like himself.

“There's only one thing we can do. We go to the location.”
He composed himself a little, Looking a little more like the man who had been elected village leader.

“Easy for you to say, you're the only one which isn't threatened in this.”

“Am I wrong?”

Kataoka sighed.

“You aren't.”

Hieda No Amu, Kataoka and 54 exterminators (better to err on the side of safety) walked on the wild grass. The spot marked on the map was at the edge of the forest, but it was pretty far from any of the roads.

Everybody was on edge, and no wonder. Best case scenario, they were going to meet an Oni intent on conquering Gensokyo together with other youkai. Even without the last part, meeting an Oni was terrifying enough. And while the chosen location could be seen as an halfway point between the humans and the youkai, it could also be seen as a strategic location from which to escape after murdering them. Or from which to ambush them.

Everything hinged on the trust that Oni did not lie; but they never had in known history. And if she didn't of know it, it likely hadn't happened.

But there is always a first.

Whichever way it would go, she would be witnessing an extremely important event. Too bad she may not live to record it. Just in case, she'd instructed her assistants on what to write if she didn't come back. It wouldn't go in the Chronicles, only what an Hieda wrote could be included, but a record would be made.

That was an Hieda's duty: recording history.

Approaching the spot, they could see an Oni in the distance. It was a woman, with pink hair and two pointed horns at the sides of the head. The clothes she wore marked her as the mountain group's current leader.

She was looking at them angrily.

“Fucking finally you showed up.

Now that you're here, i'm not going to mince words.

You, leader, must resign, and no one must take your place. There must be no government in the village. Otherwise you and anyone that tries to take your place will die.

All of the exterminators in the village must get out. Otherwise, you all die.

The allegiance of Youkai sages will take possession and control of Gensokyo whatever happens, but we'll let you live here as an act of kindness. I'm part of that allegiance, and I bring my kin with me.

Oh, and none if this gets out of this meeting or the letter. Otherwise we might not be so kind anymore.

Your defeat is inevitable, you might as well obey my orders.

Any questions?”

The group felt disoriented, terrified and irate in equal parts. Their whole lives, the land's fate, treated with rashness and hurried disregard in front of them, and they were unable to do anything about it.

Takaoka stammered.

“W-who else is p-part of t-the allegiance? How d-do you m-mean to t-take p-possession of Gensokyo?”

Poor guy. He'd been out of his depth with the youkai crisis, and now he'd been thrust in a bottomless chasm.

“All of the major youkai faction leaders, and i won't tell you how, but I can assure you we will. Your spirit boys won't be able to do shit about it either.”

Amu fell to the ground, knees too weak to support her.

The reality of the situation dawned in on her, too radiant to be contained, blinding her. Not that her hopelessness hadn't been clear before, but she'd been able to deny it. Hope that there would be no Oni, or that it would be a rouge one; but her garments spoke clear.

“Why did you ask for me to be here?”

The Oni grinned. It was a bone chilling sight.

“Thought you would've liked to witness this. It's an event to be remembered for ages; you'll be sure to not forget this!”

She laughed, a gesture twisted to be hateful and unpleasant, spitting on all of their faces in the most efficient way possible.

One of the exterminators (Ishida Kagesuke, her memory supplied) took a step forward and shouted, the poor fool.

“Don't think we are going to submit to you youkai! I'm never going to to leave, you-”

In a deafening blink a fist went through his face, skull, head, shattering everything in an explosion of gore, scattering fragments of bone, flesh and brain all around the plain, landing on the grass and on the horrified people, tinging their clothes crimson.

Amu looked away, the thought of adding that sight to her already bloodied memory unbearable. She'd seen many such spectacles, remembered countless more, yet they pained her all the same. Always the witness.

The Oni laughed, louder, happier than before.

“Now, this is what I was expecting! Come on, any and all of you, come forward and die! Don't be cowards, don't abandon your cause, perish at my hand!”

The Oni stood there, next to them, her fist drenched in blood, smiling madly.

When no one immediately approached, she extracted a bottle from a fold of her garments and drank it to emptiness with that same hand.

The group stood there, shaken.

With slow, detached, deliberate movements, Amu turned back and and walked. There was no point in staying there.

She heard footsteps behind her. Others were following. Good. She didn't turn to see the Oni's reaction, the people or the body. She didn't want to. Who knew what sight she might sculpt into her mind if she did.

Hieda No Amu thought about the future.

One thing was sure; her duty to record youkai and the means to exterminate them was going to be more important than ever.

It is widely thought that every Hieda maintains every memory from every past incarnation; this isn't entirely true.
Hiedas conserve, across instances, only the memories related to anything written in the Gensokyo Chronicles. The solution was therefore obvious: write an extremely detailed journal, not a problem thanks to perfect memory, nominate it a part of the Chronicles, though not one accessible to the public, and the memories of that lifetime will be passed on, if not the emotions associated with them.
It was, literally, an age old trick, practiced across the centuries; it was therefore no surprise that the greatest fear of any Hieda, their existence tightly bound to the stacks of bound paper, was the Gensokyo Chronicles being destroyed.

She remembered the lifetimes of each of her predecessor, except for Are, the original, and Aya, the eight. Which was especially strange. If any lifetime had to be missing, it would be Anana's, the seventh. That was what was supposed to have happened, and what she had to pretend.

XX/XX/16XX

Hieda No Anana rested her head on the archival room's dimly lit desk.

All of the pieces were in place. She had arranged the last of them shortly before. All that was left was to wait for the agreed upon hour while holding together under the ever increasing pressure of anxiety.

What was coming would mean everything for Gensokyo. It would've been nice to pretend it was all going to go well, that their furious quest would banish the imperishable evil they'd identified, but she could afford no such fantasies.

A cognition that dissonant would doom them all.

If they failed, Yukari would know who her enemies had been. Revenge would no doubt be taken against the Hieda dynasty.

She'd once read in a book that “Ideas don't die.” Honestly, the whole thing had seemed like a misconception to her. Ideas very much died; the appearance of immortality was given by the fact every fallen idea had, by definition, nobody to mourn it, nobody to recognize its death.

She would have to make sure that their ideas wouldn't perish. That, if they were murdered, someone else would eventually rise to the cause and accomplish what they weren't able to.

As she saw it, one of two things could happen after her death: either the Hieda dynasty would be eradicated, the cycle of reincarnation stopped, or the it would be maintained, and every memory of her, of Anana, would be removed.

She suspected Yukari wouldn't remove the Hieda institution. After all, she had let it continue for centuries; it likely served some purpose to the hag. But who knew?

So she'd written the letter, though it was more of a book, transcribed it countless times, and put it where it would be found. Buried in agricultural fields in small wooden crates, mostly, but also put in the most disparate places, anywhere she could.

And in case there would be another Hieda, she transcribed the letter many times more, nominated it a part of the Gensokyo Chronicles, transcribed her journal and hid the two volumes in strategic places.

Even if the journal was taken away and destroyed, or the entire archive burned, those would survive in the memory of the next Hiedas.

Her ideas, her identity, wouldn't die.

She'd done all she could.

Now, there was to hope it wouldn't be needed.

Hieda no Aya had hanged herself, leaving no journal.

She had no idea why.

The letter laid in her hands. Anana had been right; every volume she'd ever written had mysteriously disappeared, but her contingencies had worked. This was the copy that had been hidden in the archive's floorboards. She knew it perfectly, of course, she always had.

It was incredible, and perplexing. It posed a question she had to clash with simply by virtue of existing.

The letter detailed all of Anana's ideas and motives, everything she'd known about Gensokyo and the barrier and all of the rebellion's efforts, complete with how to follow in their stead. Some of it was outdated, most of it was not.

It ended with their final plan. It had ended in misery. The barrier still stood.

Cursing her with the knowledge of what it stood for was an act of pure cruelty.

She knew what the need to take action had brought. Death, pain, a war nobody knew about, not wiped from history simply because it had never been appeared in it.

Not even she knew what had happened that day, except that Anana and everyone else involved had been found dead afterwards, or not been found at all.

It had all been for nothing.

And yet, given the possibility, she would walk the same path. At the risk of suffering Anana's or maybe Aya's fate, she would struggle to do the right thing. Though the prospect of what their plan would have done had it succeeded nauseated her, she would better the world. Given what she knew, she had to act. She couldn't bear the thought of doing nothing.

She hoped Anana had been right. That other people would notice. That they would act. That they would fight.

XX/03/2017

Kosuzu laid rigid in her bed, terrified of the world.

Gensokyo was evil, the people she held in high regard were evil and she could do nothing about it. She couldn't even cry or scream, as much as she wanted to.

XX/02/2015

Marisa dug in vigilant silence.

She knew her efforts were against Gensokyo, and she was scared of what that meant.

It didn't scare enough to make her resign herself to her death, nor to others'. Even when that fear kept her up at night.

XX/01/2014

Kasen walked through the village, towards the gate.

The past followed the present, gave it its foundations, and so it followed her, demanding retribution. She would be damned if she didn't fix it. Her or not, it had been done, and nobody better than her knew the consequences.

XX/07/2015

Sumireko clenched her fists, leaning on the Hakurei shrine's walls.

So be it.

If she had to go against Gensokyo, she would.

She'd fight until the bittersweet end, taking solace knowing she had died up in arms.

ZZ/ZZ/2007

Sanae gripped the sink for dear life.

Everything had to be changed, burnt to ashes and rebuilt, removing the rotten foundation.

Everything was perfect, right, made to last eternal, and it had to be protected.

Her knees failed her, and she swung to the ground.

XX/01/2014

Akyuu looked at the vandalized book and the note underneath, and smiled.

Maybe something could be done.

Maybe things could change.

Maybe a difference could be made.

It was just a question of how.

Chapter Text

“So, Renko, why did you call for me at such an hour? I could be sleeping instead, you know.”

“But Merry, how could I not ask for you to hear this incredible new hypothesis? A new facet of your power, explaining the inexplicable? Could you sleep not knowing it?”

“I may well could've, since I wouldn't have known of my not knowing had you not made sure I did. Now that I am here, could you hurry? Sleep is important, you know.”

“Come on, you don't need sleep, you need answers!”

As the human population had declined, so had property prices; as the housings had begun to dramatically outnumber the housers and urban building had slowed to a crawl only to freeze, except for intermittent twitches, there had come a time where getting a roof over you head was somehow easier than it had been in centuries, while the integrity and quality of said roof and what laid underneath looked worse off each day. It was hard to say if things were any better, especially considering... everything else, really.

University campuses had held, providing temporary housing to any student that could afford the tuition, and those who lived inside them had no interest in asking such questions. It's hard to miss the past if you've never been there.

“Provide them, then.”

“Well, I was thinking about that dream in the bamboo forest you told me about. You said that felt like it was the past,right? Not that you can feel your position in time, but...

“But the whole thing is so insane that if you believed the rest of it you might as well believe that part?”

“Hey, I'll always believe you. You aren't insane. I know that.”

In the campus of Kyoto's biggest university resided two very atypical students, the only members of the Secret Sealing club: Maribel Hearn and Renko Usami. Not that the club was accepting applications for membership.

While they lived in different minuscule one-person rooms, they frequently visited each other. 231214 3123454232 222454 13352413 13351454 121414321432 231214 24122313351415, 225421251123131131 1133 231214 522422 2514111234 41111232, 3123321443141232141213 1133 231214 52242212'13.

But all that was pretty uncomfortable to think about, and as such, they tried not to, repressing the thoug13s 45nti42 1335e54 w14r14 h2415d4254 3123351415141213.

Things worked. 332315 122352.

“....Yes. Go on.”

“Right. So you were in the past. And you remember our visit to Torifune, and how the life there had severely mutated?”

“How could I not, given what happened?”

“Well, I've got an explanation for both. The degree to which the Torifune specimens mutated in such a short amount of time does not make sense under our current hypothesis; namely, the assumption that when you travel between worlds, be it in dreams, through the borders of boundaries or with your eyes, you end up at the same point in time as you were at before.

My new hypothesis is that we are time travelers, Merry.”

“That is some hypothesis, Renko.“

Time travel was well known to the two girls, as well as to almost every person in the city, but only as a fictional concept.

Though it had roots in ancient literature, its first appearance was commonly credited to the novel “Supplement to the Journey to the West”, published around 1640; nevertheless, many other works are considered to have popularized it.

Physics, on the other hand, has always had a much harder time with it.

“But that's impossible, isn't it?

Are you sure you haven't re-read that comic you're obsessed with one time too many?

What was it called, PKMO?

“Come on Merry, i'm better than that. Also that's not how it's called, but i'll forgive your transgression against the holy relic Grandma passed me.

I'm serious. It has to be time travel.

And I know how it would make sense physics wise.

The holes through the boundaries are wormholes.”

Wormholes are very complicated, and the narrator wasn't equipped to talk about them, so they passed the metaphorical metaphysical microphone to the characters; all they knew is that wormholes could theoretically be used to travel forwards and backwards in time.

“Ok. Well, Renko, i'm not sure that changes anything. Can I get back to my room?”

“What do you mean?! It changes everything! It's time travel! We don't know how it's affecting the timeline, of why it also works through your dreams, but it's time travel!”

“So? I'll repeat myself: That doesn't change anything.”

“It means that those worlds may not exist now.”

Chapter Text

Our group is greatly varied, composed of the best of all. The worthiness of our cause has brought us together from every facet of Gensokyo, posed poised against it by its cruelty.

Coalescing was arduous, the alienation native to this hell keeping everyone apart: nevertheless we succeeded, and I trust you will too.

You must be cautious, however: It would be wise to consider everyone your enemy until proven otherwise.

If this seems contradictory to what I have professed before, that is because it is.

Sadly, there is no other option.

Part 2: Coagulation

Sorry to say, your effort will require quite a bit of luck. And, above all, time. Patience is key.

XX/03/2015

“So, how can i become a hermit?”

An exasperated sigh could be heard in the hermit's retreat, resounding in the small room.

“When you asked to talk I thought it would be something important, not you trying to grill me for secrets. Again.”

A magician and a hermit sat across a table. The former had both of her elbows placed onto it, leaning forward, while the latter, in the opposite pose, leaned back onto the chair.

The witch grinned.

“Come on, it's been five years since I tried! And you were quite rude to me then. Don't you think it's time to pay me back?”

The hermit cringed at the memory.

XX/04/2010

Kasen stepped away from the shrine grounds into the wilderness, ready to take flight.

It was good to finally be formally introduced to the current shrine maiden; maybe this time she wouldn't be forgotten, and Reimu would actually follow her directions.

Fat chance, but one could hope.

She heard a shout behind her.

“Hey, wait! I want to talk to you about something!”
She turned, and there was that witch running towards her. Marisa, if she remembered it right.

“How can I become immortal- I mean, a hermit?”

…

She should've expected it. The girl was just the type.

This kind of thing happened way too often. Honestly, did people think being a hermit was a joke?

“Being a hermit requires absolute dedication to the vocation. You must commit yourself completely to religion and training, spending the overwhelming majority of your days doing nothing but that. It will strip you of nigh each and every one of life's pleasures. It will divorce yourself from all whom you hold dear. It requires torturous discipline and begets immense responsibilities. It is arduous. Many hermits die because of it. It will make you a prime target for youkai. Any and all of your power will be payed for, and you will curse having ever payed the price. It is never worth it. The most common fate for a hermit is suicide. You do not wish to become a hermit.”

Marisa looked at her straight in the eyes, unwavering.

“What is the maximum age at which one can become a hermit?”

Kasen instinctively recoiled for a moment. She knew her sermon well. She knew the effects of it, how every fool she inflicted it upon looked away in shame or disgust, their gaze fixating on some negligible object behind because they could bear to face her while the list went on and on and they silently wished it to cease.

For the witch to act this way, unmoved, uncaring, asking a menial question while staring her in the face, was a mockery.

She knew who the magician was. She'd been to the human village, she'd seen her “business”. She'd heard the magician's parents deny having ever birthed her.

She wouldn't take shit from such a wretched individual.

“It is a role only the most virtuous can undertake. You aren't worthy of it.

I will not let you assist you is becoming a hermit, and you will not be able to on your own.”

Anger blazed on Marisa's face, the witch glaring at her in an apparent effort to incinerate her corneas and kill her where she stood. The sudden switch startled her.

“You'll see. Fuck you, Kasen. I am not a violent person, but if you do not get out of my face right this moment you are going to regret it.”

...well then.

Kasen flew away from the shrine.

Such barbarisms from the witch didn't surprise her. She really was awful.

(back to) XX/03/2015

She really should've handled that conversation better. With more tact. Marisa wasn't the typical nuisance, the kind that bothered her at the village. She was particular.

“You really didn't know me back then, huh.”

“I still don't.” Nor did she want to.

“And that's the problem. Besides, I wasn't even aiming for your secrets.”

Yeah, right.

“What were you doing, then?”

“Seeking an answer to a question. What is the maximum age at which one can become a hermit?”

She seriously had the gall to go and tear open old wounds? Had she come just to bother her?

“I stand by what I said that time.”

She expected another bout of anger, but Marisa just laughed before putting on a pained smile.

“Doesn't matter. I expect I already know the answer. Just making sure. And i'm certainly not going to let you stop me. Nice to know you haven't changed, though.”

So it really was all a mockery.

“Neither have you.”

The witch seemed to be always smiling. That day had been an exception.

“Must be something in the air.”

Now she was smiling. Did taunting her bring Marisa that much joy?

Kasen sighed.

If she smiled all the time then the contrary was likely true. So why...?

“...what did you mean by “the problem”?”

“If we're going to be working together you should get to know me better. Who knows, maybe you'd hate me a little less.”

“I wasn't aware we were going to be working together...”

Did she hate Marisa?

Sure, the witch was a dishonest and disrespectful miscreant …

But she'd found out her secret and kept it to herself, not using it for leverage, not changing the way she treated the hermit.

That didn't mesh with her idea of the witch.

“...and I don't hate you.”

The smile didn't move.

“Good to know.

About working together, well, i'll probably ask for your aid in saving some youkai. Nothing different than my usual, but having you along would really help.”

What? What? What?

Marisa laughed at her shocked reaction. She didn't blame her. Her face must've been quite amusing.

“Told you you don't know me.”

Saving youkai? Did youkai even need saving? And from who? The only person who killed youkai was...

“From who, Reimu?”
“Yes and no. It's complicated.”

Saving youkai, huh...

Between humans and youkai there was no doubt who was favored by Gensokyo.

Youkai could live anywhere, forever, as long as they didn't do anything foolish, while humans had to rot in the sty until they were eaten, living in terror.

Youkai didn't have any problems.

At least on paper. But reality is always more complicated, and that reasoning didn't work when you thought about the individual youkai.

Especially if there was a famine. She doubted things had changed in the past year. They never did.

“Sure. I'll help.”

It was complicated, true enough. Marisa was awful, yet she could believe she was working to save youkai at the best of her abilities. Every effort counted.

Besides, she was already working to contain Reimu's more murderous tendencies. Collaborating with Marisa wouldn't change much.

Anyone could do good, no matter who they were. It was the most precious lesson she'd been taught by Her.

The magician's smile widened. She always had it, bar few occasions. Hard to parse what it even meant if the gesture was so abused; she'd honestly prefer if Marisa stopped smiling. Though last time she had, the witch had revealed she knew one of her most dangerous secrets and scared her half to death.

“Thought you would. Well then, let's work on fixing the problem, shall we? Come eat on my coin at the village?”

Might as well. She still didn't particularly want to get to know the witch, but her previous idea of her was clearly wrong and needed to be rectified.

Plus, she wasn't going to refuse a free meal.

“Sure.”

The magician got up from her seat.

“Great! Let's go then.”

The witch and the hermit sat across a table.

She'd never been to the restaurant before, though she'd seen it many times, walking across the street to do some errand. It was a nice place. Marisa had chosen well. People chatted in their seats, hands busy gesturing, lifting glasses or moving chopsticks. The brisk march air, still cold as the season gone lingered, was warmed and tamed by the kitchen's heat and the sturdy wooden walls. The buzz of conversation and compounding sounds muffled the street's noise as best as they could, though it often slipped through.

The witch hadn't talked much on the way there, a faint smile never ceasing to haunting her lips.

And now awkward silence permeated the table.

Marisa stared at her, intent, making her feel like some particularly interesting specimen being studied, which wasn't particularly pleasant.

She wanted to break the stalemate before the server came. A question naturally surged to her mouth, unchained in rash carelessness.

“What's your relationship with your parents?”
The magician froze, looking at her in shock. Her smile fell.

Fuck. What a stupid mistake.

Marisa threw herself up from the seat and hastily put something on the table. A glance revealed it was money.

Then she spoke, hurried, clearly eager to end the conversation as soon as possible.

“Thinking about it some more, I think we know each other well enough. 'See you another day.”

“Wait!”

The magician rushed out of the restaurant and ran away in the street.

Heads in the restaurant turned towards the hermit.

Dammit. Just like that, she'd screwed it all up.

Kasen got up, took the money, and walked out.

Eating there, alone, would've just felt wrong.

YY/03/2015

Kasen stood in front of the forest's cottage, uncertain of what to do.

She'd never visited the witch's house before, knew of it's location only from having asked Reimu that same day, and she acutely felt like she wasn't supposed be there.

So the cottage had passed to yet another. It didn't really matter to her, but it was interesting. She'd never interacted with its occupants, at least knowingly, and here she was, in front of it.
Why had she even avoided its past occupants?

…

No reason. She just hadn't been forced to interact with them.

The hermit's fate was loneliness. Came bundled with the profession. The only thing that forced her to interact with people was the search for her arm, in addition to the commitment she'd taken regarding Reimu.
Otherwise trouble came to find her, like with Marisa and Komachi. Not that talking with the shinigami was unpleasant, she'd come to rather enjoy her visits, but she always came uninvited and it was further proof that, as much as she tried to hide herself, anyone stubborn enough or with the right powers could find her.

Hell, even before finding her out Marisa had almost busted into her house entirely by accident, stopped only by the tiger she'd trained for just that occasion.

And now she was visiting her.

She knew it was illogical, but it felt like by coming there she was breaking an unsaid pact, breaching invisible boundaries.

…

She didn't even know if the magician was in. For all she knew she was staring at an empty house and Marisa was literally anywhere else, doing youkai related work, scamming people, stealing, loitering at the shrine (she'd already checked there, but maybe the witch had moved in the meantime), selling wares at the village or...

What did Marisa do with her time when she wasn't “working”?

…

She had to stop stalling.

Kasen walked up to the door and knocked softly. No need to use force, the building was small.

Marisa's voice could be heard from inside.

“Whoever it is, wait a bit!”

She heard movements, footsteps up to the door, then a pause.

“Oh, it's you, Kasen.

The door, a solid rectangle of wood without any gaps, holes or anything she could see through was still closed. There weren't any windows on that side of the cottage.

Before she could think about how Marisa knew it was her, the door opened.

The magician stood in front of her, smiling. She didn't have her hat on, and instead of her usual witch dress she was wearing a long pale blue skirt and long sleeved bright orange shirt with some drawing on it, clearly something from the outside world.

But what really caught her eye was the interior of the cottage.

From behind Marisa she could see nigh all of it.

There was an unkempt bed, a table with a chair, bookshelf a full of books she didn't recognize, two cabinets, a pantry, a smaller table with some strange apparatuses, a cooking fire under the chimney...

The whole thing struck her as odd. It was... barren. Almost sterile. It was all that was needed, and nothing more, at least that she could see.

With all the things the witch did (she struggled to call them jobs) she must have made a lot of money. Youkai related services didn't come cheap (unless you were condemned to the Hakurei name, in which case they came free. Kasen suspected the only reason Marisa managed to get those jobs was that Reimu ignored them or put them off as long as she could.), she sold wares on demand (the “Kirisame Magic Shop”, a name which truly baffled her considering the other Kirisame in the village), she ran “timely business” (various scams tailored to the occasion).

Plus, she stole. A lot. Not from the village, as far as she knew, but from the scarlet devil mansion. Books, cutlery, paintings, chandeliers, ornaments... anything that wasn't nailed down. Remila had complained incessantly about it at the party.

But none of it was there.

She'd expected a cluttered mess, everything strewn across the floor in an absolute representation of entropy.

It couldn't all fit into the cabinets. Where, then?

And even disregarding that, even if she'd thrown it all away, only the gods knew where, there was no sign of luxury, not the faintest hint of wealth. There was no trace of misery either, far from it, but...

It didn't make sense. Maybe-

“Kasen! Are you there?”

Right. This wasn't the time for those ruminations.

“Yes. Sorry, I was... lost in thought.”

The magician spread her arms.

“So, what brings you to my humble abode?”

Still smiling, merry as ever. Like nothing bad had ever happened between them.

It was offputting.

Kasen took a small sack out of her dress and handed it to Marisa.

“Here's your money back. And... sorry.”

The magician took it.

“Don't sweat it. I don't hold grudges.”

That much was clear. It was honestly uncanny. She wondered if, were she to stab the witch, she'd be greeted with a smile the next day.

Almost whispered, her smile dimming, the magician added something.

“For most things, anyways.”

What?

“Nothing else, Kasen?”

...And back to normal.

She had a thousand questions, but could ask none. No use repeating her mistakes.

“...No, nothing. Goodbye.”

She turned, ready to take flight, when Marisa spoke.

“Hey, wait a moment.

Tell me, what is the maximum age at which one can become a hermit?”

She sighed.

Might as well answer.

“There is none.”

The magician spoke to the hermit's back.

“Thanks.”

Kasen took flight.

Chapter Text

The absurdity of the situation puts you, who found this letter, in quite a bizarre position.

You could tell everything to everybody in the village, and as long as no one took action Yukari and her associates would be none the wiser. Even in the impossibility that someone wanted to rat you out to them, how could they?

This is, however, only how the situation appears. We know not of the truth.

You must exercise caution.

It is not clear whether the unsupervised climate of the village is an meticulously architectured front or the plain truth. Any and all spies are, by definition, undetectable.

We have no idea how many there are, where they are and what their tools are, or if there truly are any.

As long as you do not tell anyone or do anything you cannot be found out; of course this cannot be your perpetual course of action, but you must not be careless.

This is the only copy of the letter, after all.

She suspected Anana had had a secondary plan, hidden in the letters.

It had never become relevant, but it was something she would have to keep in mind. Who knew, maybe it wasn't even deliberate.

Anana wasn't merciful, and her primary plan...

Even though, if she was to hope for an end, she would have to carry it to completion.

YY/03/2017

The tormentous night had lasted forever, a wake full of terror and uncertainty. She had probably fallen unconscious at some point (it wasn't sleep. That would've entailed rest and peace), the limbo enduring unchanged trough the catalepsy, so that when she came back to her senses it escaped her perception.

Thoughts ran amok, unrestrainable, unanswerable, virtue of a curious mind twisted against itself, cascading into yet more questions and doubts and prospects and predictions and theories and terror, inevitable, unbearable terror, but she had to bear it, she had to stay there, still, silent, forever, obeying the imperative mandate: she must act normal.

Kosuzu lifted herself up from the bed. The light streaming into the room signaled a new day. It was probably bright enough that getting up would be “normal”.

She felt so detached from it all. Maybe it was the lack of sleep.

At it's core, nothing had changed beside her. The world had always been that way, she just hadn't known. Acting “normal” would beget normal results. If she could just do that, she could go on living her life peacefully.

But she knew she couldn't. She'd never been normal, she'd always thrown herself in extraneous and esoteric situations. She'd never been a good actor, she'd always seen her the consequences of her actions in her parents' faces, and yet she hadn't stopped even as they'd drifted farther and farther away, until she barely interacted with them anymore, unable to recognize what was happening, why it was happening, until throw after throw she'd bounced this far and the final frontier had been a poisonous ditch.

The days after her disappearance she'd felt her parents closer than they'd been in years. Maybe she'd been the one moving away. She couldn't tell. It was all too complicated. There were things she just couldn't understand, no matter how hard she tried.

There was no more running.

She'd either do what she couldn't or die, spotted by the apparent invisible spies.

She couldn't deal with it.

She'd die.

Kosuzu stood in her room, holding herself upright.
She wouldn't normally stand still doing nothing like that. She had to move, or she would die.

Her knees buckled, and she fell down.

No, anything but that. She had to get up, or she would die.

Kosuzu erupted into tears. She desperately tried to stop, to hold them back, but her body wasn't obeying her.

That was it. Her fate was sealed. Now she would die. It was only a matter of time.

At least she could abandon herself in the meantime, and cry.

Hieda No Akyuu got up from her bed.

The day before she had acted on a decision that would change her friend's life forever, and she still wasn't sure it had been the right choice.

Kosuzu deserved to know, and given her tendency to thrown herself into youkai related matters that information could save her life, but...

Well, she was only thirteen years old.

Kosuzu was mature for her age, yet she was still a kid. Akyuu hadn't been able to explain herself to her, prioritizing caution, but she didn't know how her friend would react. It was very important and heavy information, given with few context and no assistance. Kosuzu was smart, she would piece it together...

She could only hope the girl would handle it well. The worry was digging a pit through her stomach.

There was only to wait now. Kosuzu would probably come to her sometime during the day.

Kosuzu cried until she ran out of tears. It didn't matter anymore.

They hadn't killed her yet. Maybe they were waiting for an opportunity. Or maybe they hadn't seen her. She could still hope.

The girl got up, trembling. She had to act normal. She could do it. She had to.

Someone ambled down the stairs, down to the bookstore.
That's what was usually done in the morning, right?

Until then, there was nothing she could do.

Akyuu walked to the kitchen, where her breakfast was being prepared.

No use standing there.

Kosuzu wandered the village, a list of addresses in hand. It was early dawn, early enough that she could “catch” people leaving for the fields to get back their rentals and corresponding fees. Not many of them were literate, and those that were seldom rented books, but at any given time there were some who had. It was the power of large numbers, which the book rental relied on for steady income.

She would normally do this job later in the day, when everyone was home, but she needed an excuse to go talk to Akyuu as soon as possible. She would explain her everything.

The field worker's houses were the furthest from the village's center, nearest to the gate. If she passed by Akyuu's house with the excuse of getting back a book (which did in fact exist, though the end of rental date was far off) it would look normal, or so she hoped.

So she walked the streets, head jolting towards every foreign noise, shuddering at every loud sound.

It was torture. If only Akyuu hadn't given her that book...

Breakfast had been great as always. Now, what to do...

“Mistress Hieda, there is your friend at the door.”

...She hadn't expected her this early. No matter. She had planned for this.

Kosuzu walked up to the Hieda mansion.

The whole household had always intimidated her. It was a large piece of land, larger than any other in the village, occupied entirely by a wooden house covered by a tiled roof with an empty space housing a garden and a pond in the middle. The interior of the house was massive, primarily composed of wide unnerving open spaces and small rooms, almost to boast about all the space they had but didn't need. The house's exterior was a city wall, both in appearance, length and design, separating the occupants from everyone else, with a gate higher than the walls and covered by an ulterior roof that intimidated anyone who approached it and exhibited doors that looked stronger than the village's.

It was a place in which her ilk didn't belong, where, no matter what Akyuu might have say, she wasn't welcome, and the house made that abundantly clear.

That day her anguish was different; it was in fact worse, by virtue if how on edge she felt.

Still, she approached the towering gate and knocked. A handful of seconds after a slot opened...
“Oh, it's you Kosuzu. Wait a moment and i'll tell the mistress of your arrival.”

...and immediately closed.

Why did they not just open it? Why have a damn gate in the first place?

Akyuu walked towards the gate, as the woman stationed there opened it. Sure enough, Kosuzu was there, looking more disheveled than ever,a satchel on her shoulder.

It didn't bode well.

The girl turned towards her, but before she could say anything Akyuu spoke.

“Hi Kosuzu. I got your book here. Say, do you want to take a walk to the fields?

The sudden outburst of words took her by surprise, and she was stunned for a moment.

The book wasn't even the one she'd had in mind.

Still, she managed to nod.

“Sure.”

Asking the workers for fees with Akyuu in tow would've been in quite bad taste, but that wasn't the reason she'd gone out in any case.

If Akyuu wanted to go walk outside, it was surely to talk in private.

She could get her answer. She could know whether she was a dead woman walking.

Kosuzu clearly hadn't taken it well, whatever she'd gotten out of the book.

She needed to clarify herself as soon as possible, and she could guess what the problem was from how her friend was behaving.

The Hieda started walking, and the bibliophile followed.

They walked for some minutes, until the mansion was barely out of sight, before Akyuu spoke again.

“You aren't being spied on.”

Kosuzu froze in place.

What?

At the edge of her vision she saw Akyuu stop and turn to her.

Had she misunderstood the bookmark, read too far into it, and cowered in fear for nothing?

But its inclusion couldn't be happenstance. The strange writing coincided.

Unless she was wrong about that, but-

“The zashiki-waraski are spies, and there may be more, but that's it. There is no way you are being spied on”

Because if you are, you're dead, i'm dead, and it doesn't matter anyways.

But she didn't say that.

Kosuzu looked at her in her eyes, desperate, tears ready to stream down her face.

Seeing her friend suffer like this pained her. She wouldn't make it worse.

Akyuu's face was the same as ever, but it was her only handhold in that moment. She trusted her.

“Really?”

“Yes.”

Thinking otherwise won't help.

Kosuzu leaped and hugged her. She could feel her tight grip and her tears against her dress. The girl was holding on for dear life.

Akyuu hugged her back, giving a bitter look at the world behind her friend.

Thing is, we may well just be fucked.

If Yukari herself spies on anyone she suspects, if she has a lot more free time than we speculate, or if she has some other way to spy on people without being detected, we are all fucked.

She already knows everyone's plans and no one can do shit.

If she has enough offensive power available that any attempt against her is met with instant annihilation, we are all fucked.

The moment anyone tries anything, they are dead.

The point is that if we are fucked, we are fucked. There is nothing we can do about it.
So we might as well go on assuming we aren't fucked, because if we are nothing matters anyways.

Pretty shit, huh?

The “letter” left to the Hiedas was longer than the ones scattered around Gensokyo.

Best to assume the hag is spying on the house, just in case. Anything else should be fair game.

Though who knows, really.

I didn't, and look how I ended up. I'm dead!

Well, not right now, but if you're remembering this certainly I will be. Your path may be doomed to failure from its premise.

Best of luck!

Kosuzu's grip slowly loosened until she let go.

She looked... better. No longer terrified, no longer jittery, but still suffering from the aftereffects mixed with sleep deprivation.

They walked in silence for a bit.

“Why?”

In the wake of the terror a burning question had emerged.

She doubted she'd been wrong in thinking that, if the youkai knew that she knew, they would kill her. Akyuu wouldn't have used such an underhanded method instead of telling her in the house otherwise. She wouldn't have included a warning about spies.

But why was she in danger in the first place? Why was the information in the book lethal, if she'd been cleared to know about youkai protecting the village and the rest?

Why, then, had Akyuu chosen to put her in danger?

“Why did you give me the book, and why was that information so dangerous compared to that given to me by Reimu, or what you told me that day?”

Akyuu braced for the question she knew would come. The one she least wanted to answer, and that most deserved to be.

“What made it dangerous was precisely what you'd been told by Reimu; that and nothing else. They didn't want you to figure out the rest of the truth, and I pushed you to do just that. They wanted you to think that youkai, as a whole, were your friends, the protectors of the village, instead of the artificers of your suffering.

Knowing the truth makes you a peril. A risk to be eliminated.”

The first question hadn't been answered, a glaring omission which deepened her worry and saddened her. She should've felt angry, but she just couldn't. She didn't have the energy. She didn't want to. What good would it do?

“Why?”

Maybe it wouldn't. Maybe she would get away with it.

“Well, you could tell others, or you may-”

But she had to ask. It was important to her.

“Why did you do it?”

Here was the reckoning.

There were reasons. She'd thought about it incessantly, every waking hour of the days after. It wasn't something she could take lightly.

In the end the thought of Kosuzu dying at the hand of some youkai, tricked by a veneer of friendship, had proved too devastating.

But in that moment no sound exited her mouth. She couldn't justify herself.

“You can't play with my life, Akyuu. You can't.”

It was hers. It belonged to her, if nothing else did. Knowing someone had made such an impactful choice for her, and that person had been Akyuu...

It hurt.

Hearing that hurt, because she knew Kosuzu was right.

It wasn't her right. But then it was nobody's. She'd had to make that choice precisely because nobody else could. She'd acted for the best.

“It wasn't a decision you could make.”

That it wasn't. But if she couldn't nobody should.

“It wasn't a decision you should make.”

She understood that, but she'd tried to do the right thing!

“You could have died!”

She could have died? Yes, she could have died, point was that she always could.

“I still could.” I'd wager you've made it more likely. But she didn't say that.

“I could've been happy, Akyuu. Now i've got to go on living knowing what I know and acting like I don't. I have to look at Miss Mamizou straight in the face and smile when she comes to Sunzaan. I have to rent out books to Reimu like nothing's wrong. I've got to go on knowing the cause of everyone's suffering while being unable to do anything about it.

It's not a great prospect.”

That was it, in the end. That was what it came down to. Real, lasting consequence to a choice she hadn't made.

Kosuzu looked straight ahead. She didn't want to see Akyuu's face. She didn't want to see the pained look on her face, and she equally didn't want to witness its absence.

“Sorry.”

She felt awful. The worst she'd ever felt, her memory supplied.

She'd tried to do the right thing, and she'd fucked up.

Worse, her error had hurt someone else, and all she could do was say sorry.

An empty word.

They walked in silence, an unsteady compromise.

As they got further from the village's center, traveling along the main street, the big houses died out and were replaced by various storefronts. If they had been moving along any other street the landscape would've been different, but commerce had naturally developed on that road by virtue of having a straight connection with the gate.

It was too early for most of the stores to be manned, however. Their clientele wouldn't be there until later.

“I've never thought youkai in general were good, you know. How could I? I've dug, just like everyone else. I just thought some could be good.

Then that day came and I was told that not only some where good, but that the most powerful ones were good, that they were friends with Reimu, and they protected the village. That I was going to be treated as an equal to them.

It was a relief, and I was incredibly happy, but it didn't really change how I thought. It was a confirmation, but nothing more. Some youkai were evil, some were good.

And now I find out that the most powerful ones are evil, and I was lied to, and Reimu is evil, and that's all terrible to say the least but it still doesn't change how I think.

Youkai are like people, or at least the intelligent ones are. They come from us. They are individuals. They can be good, they can be evil, and they can simply be minding their own business.”

Akyuu's head snapped towards Kosuzu, who was looking ahead.

“How can you say that?! After that, you still... I thought for sure...”

But the bookkeeper didn't turn.

A complete failure. An error that would follow her far into the future.

They walked silently some more.

It made her wonder.

“Who else knows?”

It couldn't be many, if any.

Almost nobody. That was quite the point.

“I don't know how much Marisa knows, but she must know some of it. She surely found out the vampire sisters eat humans, and if she isn't stupid she deduced, or at least suspects, where their food comes from. Though even if she knows everything she can't do anything about it. Some are just... caught up in the middle.”

There was Kasen, who knew more than even she did, but Kosuzu would likely never meet her.

“And i'm suspicious of Sanae.”

The job of shrine maiden carried no favorable connotations, and she'd been at the party.

“That's it.”

So very few people knew. It was all so bizarre.

She wondered how Marisa got on. If she cared about those eaten by the vampires. If she had just... accepted it as an immutable fact of reality. It was depressing.

Would she have to do that?

Caught up in the middle, huh...

She wasn't even in the middle. She was outside, or at the door at best. She'd tried to enter and here she was.

“What now?”

As far as she knew?

“Nothing.”

Nothing had changed. Nothing could be done.

At least for now.

Chapter Text

Memories are dumb.

The only system you can rely on to know things, to be sure of yourself, is faulty by definition. Everyone works with corrupted hardware.

You have some pivotal moment in your life, one that shapes your future and identity, one with great consequences, and you just forget it.

You can never be sure that something actually happened, because your mind might have just made it up, because it can do that for some reason.

You may end up with one of your central pillars being rewritten over and over again, getting more and more distorted, until you don't even remember when it happened.

I regret doing nothing to prevent this, but hindsight won't help.

Trying to remember the day is a lost cause. XX, then. The month... 01, maybe? 02? But it's not sure enough. XX it is. And the year... you really should remember the year, but you're too unsure between one or the other. No choice but...

XX/XX/201X

Which is too uncertain to mean anything. How your memory has deteriorated angers you, but there's no use in screaming at the clouds.

You do it regardless.

You walk towards the computer lab after school as ended for the day. As for lunch, you've already eaten what you brought from home.

Or at least you figure, logically, that must have happened. You don't remember it though, lost in the everyday noise of monotony. What you do remember is entering the lab.

“Hi Dandelion. The piece is done.”

You don't actually remember what she said, but it was something like that.

You have no problem recalling the room, just as you have no problem recalling her.

After all neither have changed much since then.

The computer lab is a large rectangular room, one side more than three times the other, mostly filled by two rows of side to side tables with old computers on them which form lines parallel to the larger side. Facing them, on the same side as the door, there's a large desk with another computer on it and an interactive whiteboard behind it. There's a chair set at every table.

Crucially, and you remember this apparatus clearly, a large 3d printer sits on a table beside the desk.

You don't know why your school has such a good 3d printer. It's used for some 3d-modeling courses, and that's about it. It definitely doesn't need a 3d printer. The school has a good budget, but there's no reason to waste it. You suspect some 3d printing nerd on the staff managed to trick the school into funding their hobby.

Anyone who has completed the 3d modeling course is given nigh unsupervised reign over the printer. It's a pretty big oversight.

You've never done that course, it didn't interest you, but Lotus has.

Lotus is atypical. You think she's great.

She goes to your school, and that's almost the totality of the personal details you know about her. You don't know which class she belongs to or which grade she's at, which seems absurd, but you've never seen her interact with any schoolmate or professor nor exit or enter any classroom; she only appears once school ends.

Lotus has never asked for your name, and when you tried to tell it to her she stopped you. She doesn't want to know it. In turn, she has admitted Lotus is a fake name. You didn't ask for her real one.

She asked what you wanted to be called, and you became Dandelion.

Lotus almost never talks about herself.

She almost always has a tattoo on her neck, clearly visible, but it changes every few days and sometimes disappears for extended periods of time. You've never seen her wearing makeup.

She always tells you she loves you, and means it completely platonic-ally. It's genuine.

How she dresses gives the impression she doesn't care much about what she wears: men's tracksuit pants long or short (“men's have better pockets”), shirts of varying sleeve length, hoodies, all according to the season. In winter she wears a big impermeable jacket and refuses to take it off inside buildings. Whatever season it is she almost always dons a baseball cap.

She does care, but prioritizes comfort and function. With time you learn to recognize her favorites.

Lotus never compromises for what's perceived as normal. You like that about her.

At this moment she is sitting at the desk and looking at you.

You move to take the part. You don't remember it clearly, but it must have been partially covered by that 3d printer “foam” that dissolves after some time in water.

As you do Lotus says something you remember extremely clearly.

“Why are you building a gun?”

It isn't accusatory. She sounds genuinely curious, and likely truly is.

You got the files and instructions off the dark web. Not every piece is in plastic, but you've found a way to get the metal ones without much trouble, as well as the bullets.

You gave the files to Lotus and asked her to print them without telling her what they were for. You thought it would be better for her if she didn't know. Plausible deniability and suchlike; besides, they aren't recognizable as gun parts, especially during the printing. For her part Lotus didn't ask any questions. She told any professor which asked they were parts for a robotics project.

You didn't mean to deceive Lotus, to betray her trust. You're sure about that.

After a while she figured it out anyways, pieced it together from opening every file.

And really, why are you building a gun?

You aren't planning an assassination, that's for sure. You don't want to murder anyone. And having a gun just means more risk, more trouble, more fear. If it gets found you're fucked, you know that perfectly well.

But being impotent terrifies you more than anything else.

You remember that perfectly. It's a constant, you can't ever forget it.

“Just in case. It's a backup plan.”

So you can charge forward and fight, always, even if your powers fail.

So you can give up, eventually.

But you'll stave that off as long as you can. Forever, you hope.

“Fair enough.”

You're sure that's what she said. It shocks you. It's not what you expected.

You don't remember the rest of that day.

Lotus only ever mentions the gun once more and never again.

…

She's just great.

The offensive capability of us humans is wholly inferior to that of youkai. There is no hope for this fact to change. The only comparable tool at our disposal is magic,and it is wielded with more power and finesse by the enemy, not to mention it is available to few of us.

The rebellion will not fight with weapons, but with subterfuge and strategy. Direct confrontation should be avoided, at least until the end.

XX/09/2015

Sanae crumpled in her seat, talking like the words were being torn out of her. She sat on the wooden chair, grasping it with one hand, the other wringing her face. Sumireko wondered if she was aware she was doing that. All together, it was a far cry from how nice things had been mere minutes ago. She hadn't meant to do that, but she couldn't have not said what she had seen. It wasn't something that could be left unsaid.

“Ok.

I agree.

I will too.”

Her speech was forced, strained, segmented. If she was just going along with what she'd said, for her sake... Sumireko didn't want that to happen. Sanae wasn't... like her. Extremely far from it, actually, so much that it worried her.

“Listen-”

The wind priestess looked her straight in the eyes, a distraught expression on her face.

“No, you listen, Sumireko. They were going easy on you. They all were. It's the rules. You're going to die.”

What?

“What are you talking about?”

Sanae unfolded herself a bit, then sighed.

“It's part of Gensokyo's rules. Everyone must solve conflicts through spellcards. You weren't using those, the whole incidents obeyed strange rules in regards to fighting, that confused your opponents, so they went easy on you. Softened their blows, tried to stay within the rules as best as they could. If it had been serious you would have died. It was a pantomime. If you do anything stupid you're going to die, and... I don't want you to. Please.”

The tone is melancholy, pained, and above all pleading. It's not one Sumireko has ever heard from her friend.

“Did you really think you could take on all of Gensokyo and come out alive?”

The words stabbed into her because yes, she did think that. How could she not? It's what happened, it's what she saw. It's what she experienced, and it's not something she can easily forget.

That day she had fought for her life. It couldn't have been a pantomime. The implication that it had been deeply angered her, though her friend's expression and tone held the flame back. Sanae had no idea what she'd been though.

Memories are fundamentally flawed. Even if you remember something “well” there are huge chunks missing and mountains of data that have automatically been discarded. Knowing this is impossible to remedy vexes you to no end.

If I had to describe your key quality all those days in only one word, from the very start, it would be foolishness.

You spent your weekends and your savings traveling the country for months, and when you ran out of money you procured yourself more (stores generally aren't geared to protect themselves against thieves with telekenisis, not many have CCTV and “It's not immoral if you're stealing from corporations”. Good old Lotus' advice.), all to visit random “”mysterious”” spots in a frankly thoughtless search for some stones which may well could've been nonexistent.

You chased hoaxes, scams, urban legends and rumors for weeks before you even found the first one. You weren't even sure they existed in the first place! If you had told anyone what you were doing they'd have taken you for a naive fool, if not for madman, and they would've been right!

What defines a “”mystery spot”” in the first place? Dilapidated, abandoned buildings, rivers deep into forests, shrines of every faith and funding, manned or deserted, seemingly random rocks in esoteric places, sacred lakes,minuscule, fishy villages...

Was it an attempt to get nominated patron saint of public transport or were you actually trying to do something?

But you actually found the stones, one by one. Congratulations. And when you did your foolishness was plainly revealed. Point is, why?

Why did you go chasing old legends?

Why did I ever fucking go and do that? There was nothing to gain and everything to lose. I was an idiot. I went and got all the orbs because, I have no idea why, and then I went “oh, it sure would be interesting to learn more about this Gensokyo place that I know jack shit about, let's assemble a deranged, unwieldy plan with no regard to the fact that if maybe, maybe, if I don't know anything about that place maybe chucking myself into it and fucking with it for no actual reason isn't a great idea?

I should've just been happy with my inexplicable powers and kept myself out of the supernatural but nooo, look at me i'm Sumireko the magical and i'm going to go kill myself in Alice's In Wonderland's deranged cousin. 13352413'22 52352413 133514 344512 1122 332315.

…

But the thing about hindsight is that, by the time you look back, what you see is too far gone for anything to be done about it. It isn't 20/20, i personally think it could use some thick glasses, but it is damning nonetheless.

…

Above each of those days, before and after you enacted your mad plan, one stands out.

The date is burned into your mind.

It was the 23^rd of may, 2015. You suffered a fate that, unbeknownst to you, had already befallen hundreds.

You got trapped into Gensokyo. You fought and fought and fought and bled and the net result was your attempted suicide and subsequent capture.

All for nothing.

Fucking WHY?

…

I hate you.

...

If I had to honestly define my fundamental quality in those days, it would be hubris. In truth, I think I know why I did it. Simply because I thought I could, with no problems, with no repercussions. I failed to envision any negative outcome, nothing at all, so that only the frankly irrelevant advantage of satisfying my curiosity remained. Icarus and Arachne fused into one and one finger on the monkey's paw slowly curled.

It's not something I can fight. It's you, it's me. I fear it will happen again, and the price i'll pay will be too much to bear.

Those who forget history will be doomed to repeat it, and my memory is god awful.

Who knows, maybe the mistakes i've already made will be my demise and i've got nothing to worry about. Funny how that works. Most of the time you don't get second chances.

(back to) XX/09/2015

“I almost didn't! I was going to die! I lost each and every fight I had in the outside world, I got through those without acquiring any serious injuries only because I acted defensively and feigned defeat before I did, because I didn't want to get murdered! When I woke up in Gensokyo I was so sure i'd die I tried to kill myself!”

She held back from screaming, her voice ragged.

That was the day that tossed and turned in her mind, unforgettable in its oft repetition. The day that should not have been, and nevertheless was, entirely because of her actions.

“It wasn't a pantomime. It couldn't have been more real.” As much as anything in that wretched world was real, as much as any memory, deformed with every touch, could be true.

Sanae's gaze didn't shift.

“I don't know what to tell you. It's the truth.”

The two girls sat in the room, silent.

As much as Sumireko wanted to refute everything, discard it all as falsehoods, she couldn't. There was a problem, a spanner in that mind's work.

Sanae wouldn't lie to her like that. It didn't make sense.

At the least, the shrine maiden believed that to be the truth.

If you take out the improbable...

...

Something Sanae had said was pulling at her thoughts, distracting her.

“What do you mean “rules”?”

She looked away, her face relaxing a bit.

“Oh, you know. Social conventions.”

That...

...didn't make much sense, did it? Especially with how Sanae had been talking about them. Gensokyo's rules... What even were they? And why did Sanae not want to talk about them?

…

In any case, she wasn't going to go get killed.

Stopping the slaughter at Gensokyo's border was a daunting task. She had no idea how to do it, so it's not like she would've gone out and fought people anyways. The only one she could identify as responsible was Yukari, and even if she came up with some way to beat her the hag hadn't shown herself since that day.

She had to get more information and acquire more power, somehow.

To someone else it would have seemed hopeless, futile, but not to her. Never.

The fact that Sanae had said she'd go against Gensokyo meant a lot to her, but she doubted her friend had been serious about it. People pretty much never were.

Plus, the shrine maiden wasn't being completely straight with her.

“Don't worry, i won't do anything rash.”

Sanae seemed to calm down at that and she looked back at her friend.

“Ok. I'll... I'll do what I can.”

As reassuring as it was vague. It made Sumireko smile for a moment. At the very least she had a companion in her madness.

…

It truly was madness, the lot of it.

Thinking about it made her despair.

This world, how she'd gotten to it, its contents...

It shouldn't have been real. It was inane and horrible and nonsensical and abominable and under all laws of physics, ethics, common sense, rationality, any law imaginable really except that of itself, it shouldn't have been.

And yet it moves.

But it wasn't an immutable truth. Hell, she'd almost shattered it a few months before.

Yukari would regret not killing her.

...in due time. For now, she had to find out more about those rules.

Sumireko opened her mouth, but before she could say anything she suddenly vanished.

Right. The time.

“I'm worried about you, Dandelion.

I don't know what's going on, but...

I mean, that's kinda my fault, isn't it? I erected those walls.

But I know you well enough to notice.”

When did this happen?

Was it before or after you went and fucked everything up?

It was after you first discovered Gensokyo, that's for sure, but remembering the day is a lost cause. You're pretty sure it was after, still.

“I don't know. I suppose just want you to keep in mind i'm here for you.

I keep thinking about the gun...

I'm afraid you'll go and destroy yourself somewhere, for some reason, and...“

You wrote down this conversation shortly afterwards. It may not be exact, but it's better than your memory. Why you didn't jot down the date is beyond you. In exchange, the name of the song that was playing is scribbled right there in pencil. “Morire per delle idee”. Which... how did you get that name? A quick google search reveals it's spelled exactly right, even though it's in a language you don't know a word off, and why would a forty year old foreign song have been playing there in the first place? It doesn't make sense.

Was the song really playing there, then?

“You've only got one life, you know.

I don't know. I love you. Just... remember that.”

You two are sitting at a table, one in front of the other, in some bar you don't remember very well, one you've been at once and never again, one you likely entered just 'cause you were in the area and either one of you felt hungry or wanted to sit or something of the sort.

The bar doesn't really matter. Neither does the song that may or may not have been playing there. What does matter is what Lotus is saying, something she had likely been holding back for a while.

“I... don't know how to approach these things. I'm sorry.”

Lotus doesn't know about your powers, or the stones, or Gensokyo, or anything of the sort. You're sure it's better that she doesn't.

Nevertheless she must have noticed something, on your face, in your actions. You didn't know the toll it had all been taking on you was so plainly visible.

So you open your mouth and speak.

“Either i'm clinically insane or nothing about the world makes sense and everything that's ever been discovered by physics is wrong, except maybe gravity.

But you don't actually say that. It would be the truth, yes, but the consequences of doing that seem incalculable and important and grave and it's not something you can just up and do.

What you can do is thrown yourself at Lotus and hug her tight.

She silently hugs you back.

(back to) XX/09/2015

Sumireko laid onto her bed, eyes closed while she reacquainted herself with that body. The alarm blared in her ears.

Words failed her for a short while.

“This is such a fucking mess.”

Chapter Text

The history of Gensokyo is vast, colorful and complicated, which is why the Hieda dynasty has dedicated itself to documenting it in its entirety.

Many people have done countless outstanding and outlandish things, lived incredible lives, unconstrained, uncontrolled by any tyrannical ruler, free to do as they might.

This wonderful kaleidoscope has however become monochrome ever since the barrier has been established.

Plainly said, Yukari's reign stifles the life of everyone in Gensokyo.

Everything was much better when there was no barrier, when everyone was free. I dare say it was perfect.

XX/XX/10XX

The sun shone on Myouren temple, its graveyard and its vegetable garden. People walked the stone tiled path, coming to and from.

Many more were inside, sitting in silent worship, headed by the avatar of Bishamonten. Incense burned in the spacious room, its scent permeating the air.

Most of the temple wasn't accessible to the worshipers, however.

The head nun had been was meditating in one such area before being interrupted by a cloaked figure.

“Byakuren.”

“Yes?”

“Someone is asking for your counsel.”
She slowly rose up and walked out.

“Thank you, Murasa.”

All in all, it was a pretty ordinary day.

Lit torches illuminated the path to the temple and little else, while the building stayed mostly dark, only the small field and few windows emanating light.

Anyone looking in would only see those who were known to live at the temple. No human would visit at night, bar exceptional circumstances.

The head nun was working the field, hoe in hand, together with her companions. Deprived of the traditional clothing she didn't look the part, but that didn't matter, not at night.

Then another woman entered the field, wearing a sailor's uniform.

“The villagers are bringing a youkai for you to exterminate, Byakuren.

You better come too, Shou. I think they like it better when you're there. Makes them feels safer or something.”

The nun and the avatar put their hoes down before walking back inside.

“I'm sure it's because they wish for Bishamonten to oversee the process. They don't care about me being there.”

“They care, i'm sure. And even if i'm wrong, we care.”

“Come on, we've got to go get changed. Well, you have to do that and I have to cover myself completely and suffocate to prevent the infinitesimal chance of getting recognized, right chief?”

“Thank you, Murasa. We all appreciate you being here.”

A crowd marched up to the temple, clad in armor, spears in hand. They were pulling a wooden cart behind them, a youkai chained on top of it.

The cart was in horrible condition. Its surface was chipped, large grooves had been torn out of it, blood which had seeped deep until its trace could no longer be erased stained it. Nails formed long stitches where boards had been broken again and again against desperate struggle. Chains ran all around it, grating against the already smoothed edges, digging further into the scarred wood. Padlocks on the bottom kept them taut against the cart, constricting the unwilling occupant.

The youkai was vaguely anthropomorphic. They had three fairly human looking legs, the third shorter and positioned in the middle, all with visible seams running across their length which intermittently split open and separated to reveal a glint of white before uniting again. The torso appeared normal, if short, and lacked hair. The arms seemed to have no bones inside of them. The head... wasn't; at the base of the absent neck there was a hole with no visible bottom. They were completely androgynous.

A spear, lodged in their chest, rose like a flagpole from the torn flesh, accompanied by four other deep wounds, blood seeping out of them. The guards had likely twisted their spears inside before removal. There were many smaller cuts along the legs and arms, and bruises colored their pale skin.

They struggled and writhed, the chains pressing against their skin, but there was no escape.

In front the temple were Byakuren and Shou in the complete traditional outfit, together with a Murasa cloacked.

When the squadron reached them one of the men spoke.

“We have brought you a youkai which tried to climb into our village. We humbly ask you to exterminate this monster.”

The nun nodded.

“Very well."

The three took hold of the cart and carried it inside, through room after room, until they were deep inside the temple. The youkai kept struggling all the way through, but when the triplet stopped they suddenly froze. The others were waiting for them there; among were a very visibly youkai mouse woman and a pink youkai cloud man.

“What?”

The voice came from the youkai's bottomless hole. It was human, though feeble and weak, no doubt because of what they'd been put through.

“We are not going to exorcise you. As you see, we're youkai too”

“Ain't that a riot. Sorry if I don't laugh, I think i'm dyin'.”

The temple's bunch moved to remove their chains, but even freed, now that there was no threat, the youkai stayed still.

“From where do you eat?”

“From where i'm talkin'.”

“Nazrin, please go get the number 2 mixture.”

Nazrin went. They had bandages and other supplies at the ready, but stronger treatment was required.

“We'll save you.”

“Here's hopin'.”

The youkai laid onto the bed in the minuscule room, perfectly still if not for the intermittent writhing of the tentacle like leg fractions. Miraculously, they were still conscious even after all the treatment.

Byakuren stood next to the door.

“You can stay here as long as it takes you to recover. You won't be the only one.”

She sighed.

“I won't inquire as to why you tried to get into a village, but if food's the problem come here by night and we'll give you a meal. Won't be alone in that either.

Don't get seen by humans for at least a eighty seasons and they'll think we exterminated you. If you need assistance for something else, come and ask.”

“Thanks, nun.”

The youkai was expressionless, and yet gratitude radiated from them.

Byakuren smiled. She loved her job, her companions, her people, her life.

All in all, it was a pretty ordinary night.

YY/YY/10XX

A horde marched to the temple, armed with torches, spears, hoes, pitchforks, axes, whatever could be found and whatever had been in reach. None had armor; none could envision their death.

Shinto priests, recognizable from their robes, walked within them.

The most heinous of acts are committed in broad daylight, under the eye of the gods. Their judgment does not concern; No one believes themselves evil, after all.

“Byakuren!”

The temple's lot leaned against the small room's walls, dark expressions on their faces. They'd ditched their camouflage as soon as Murasa had announced the sighting. There was no point to it anymore.

It was a sad sight to behold.

One of them, a woman with a thick, pink-ish cloud partially shaped like an old man's face and arms behind her, spoke.

“They're almost here. What do we do?”

Silence reigned.

Byakuren's legs buckled.

“Nothing. There's nothing we can do.

I'm sorry.”

XX/04/2009

Marisa didn't live a very normal life, but even so that day had been incredible.

She'd sighted a flying ship, gone to check it out (she'd only ever seen ships in Rinnosuke's books, much less flying ones, and why was there a flying ship in the first place?), found some unknown magical objects flying around, met the ship's occupants, all pretty cool people, dueled the ship's occupants, gotten a surprise trip to Makai, unsealed a person which had been imprisoned there for a thousand years, dueled them over a minor disagreement, gotten back to the ship together, witnessed a tearful reunion, gotten to know them all better during the journey back, and now the ship was flying to an unknown destination, everyone on deck. They had fallen silent a short time before, for some reason, and Marisa didn't feel comfortable breaking it.

Suddenly the ship started descending. She looked down, but there was nothing of note. It was a small plain, covered by wild grass and few trees. No people, No buildings, no anything.

The keel sunk into the earth.

Murasa spoke.

“This is the place.”

...still just grass.

Byakuren walked to the edge of the ship and looked down. Her face wasn't visible to them.

In a shaky voice, she said

“Please wait here.”

before jumping off and floating down to the ground.

Marisa walked to the edge to see what she was doing.

Byakuren walked forward a bit, stopped, and stood there.

…

For a while.

…

Would it be alright to go and check on her?

…

She'd said to wait, but...

…

Marisa jumped ship, broom in hand, floated down and slowly walked over to the woman. The others turned, but didn't say anything.

It was strange, really. Their lot had been alive for more than a thousand years, and yet the distance between them and the human who had wandered into their affairs was minimal. That was the point; Youkai and humans were fundamentally different, but that difference didn't have to matter.

Even when the difference mattered more than anything else.

A thousand years...

Someday, she too...

Her thoughts were interrupted when she reached Byakuren. The mysterious woman didn't acknowledge her presence. Maybe she hadn't even noticed. Her expression was... hard to decipher. Not quite there.

This wasn't a situation she could wave her usual smile at. It just wasn't.

No masks, no rigid composure, no anything. How long had it been?

...

“What was here?”

That startled Byakuren, who turned towards the magician.

“A buddhist temple. My temple, at one point. Where we all lived.

There's nothing here anymore. Not the slightest trace of it.”

That was strange. Even after a thousand years there should've been some kind of remnant, unless the temple had been destroyed.

Which... if Byakuren had been sealed for using magic, why had the temple been destroyed? Couldn't they had just given it to someone else? It was a sacred place, after all. Though if she had been living there with her youkai companions (Friends? Polycule? Associates? Whatever their relationship was.) then it was a different story.

Or maybe it had just been demolished much later. Or she was wrong. Anything can happen in a thousand years.

“Back on the ship, you said the barrier wasn't in place when you got sealed, right?

I don't really know how the world was back then, but...

You might find that things have changed a lot in a thousand years, and yet in most ways they haven't changed a bit.

…

I may not have been sealed, but I live well away from the village. People are generally okay with me and my magic because they consider me a human, but that might change.”

Better not to take any risks and skirt around everything surrounding the barrier. Her lot could brief her on that, if they hadn't already.

“I see...”

Marisa pointed behind her.

“You're lucky to have them.”

She smiled, and it was full of sorrow.

“Yes. I really don't deserve them.”

…

“Why were you sealed?”

The nun (if she had had a temple she had to be one, right?) stayed silent for a bit, then sighed, looking away.

“I suppose i don't have any reason not to tell you.

I was the head nun of Myouren temple. By day i operated it as normal, and i fulfilled my religious duty, and by night i helped youkai however i could. Gave them meals, healed them, housed them if needed...

When one of them was caught they were brought for me to exterminate, and instead I freed them.

Some people decided to follow me in my quest, and...”

She looked behind her and smiled, a fond look on her face, tinged with an hint of sorrow.

“I... I... I don't think words can fully express how I feel about them. How and how much I love them, and how thankful I am for what they did.”

She sighed once again.

The smile wilted, and only the sorrow remained.

“But the humans found out.

They came in droves, burned down the temple and dismantled it piece by piece before sealing me underground, together with that ship.

All of the youkai managed to escape, to no merit of mine.

That day... that day, I did nothing. I left them to die.

I failed them all.

They follow me, they hold me in such high regard, and for what? They saved me today, doing more than I ever did for them, after I brought tragedy on us all, and they still follow me.

After a thousand years, as soon as they were given the opportunity to, they charged into Makai, heedless of danger, to rescue me! They said that all this time they've stayed together, trying to do just that! For a thousand years! It doesn't make sense!

They should have just left me there!

So why?”

Byakuren cried in front of the empty plain, Marisa the only witness.

Fuck, was she out of place in all of this. But here she was nonetheless, and she was going to make of it what she could.

“You know...

I'm not good with emotional stuff, and this certainly isn't any of my business, but I think you're wrong.

It's hard to judge the impact your actions had on others, and easy to do the contrary.

They clearly disagree; what makes you think you're the one's who's right? You can go ahead and ask them “why” whenever you want to.

In the meantime, you're alive, while yesterday you weren't; that's something to cherish, ain't it?.”

The nun dried her tears with the sleeve of her dress before looking back at the magician.

“You may be right.”

She sat down on the grass, knees crossed. Shortly after Marisa did the same, placing the broom beside her.

What a strange day.

They watched the field in silence.

A question popped into her mind.

”If you've been sealed 1000 years ago, how come you know spellcards?”

Byakuren seemed confused by the question.

“What do you mean? Spellcards existed well before I was born.”

What? Hadn't spellcards been invented by Reimu?

Except that, even without that the nun's account, it didn't make a lick of sense. Where had she heard that, then?

…

She would have to pursue that train of thought, later.

“Well, I thought... Nevermind.”

Yet more time passed. It didn't feel like a bad way to spend it, in tranquility, together with the nun.

“What are you going to do?”

She lowered her back and laid onto the grass, arms to the sides, eyes closed.

Marisa observed her from above.

“I... I am not sure.

I'd like to rebuild the temple, but we don't really have the funds for the materials nor the tools. We could build something if we dismantled the ship, but...”

She opened her eyes and glanced at it, only to close them again.

“That's not something any of us wants. And even if we did rebuild the temple...

I can't – I won't – repeat history. We'll have to pick a side.

If we chose the humans it would be a regular buddhist temple, and many of us would have to camouflage or hide themselves... just like before. I don't want to ask that of them.

And if we chose the youkai... they've never been interested in buddhism, save few examples. It wouldn't be a temple at all, but some kind of charity. I'd have to forsake my sacred duty. Besides, we wouldn't be able to do much of anything, considering we have close to nothing and we wouldn't be able to save caught youkai anymore. And I doubt the youkai of the present would trust us...

But we must choose. I fear they'll go along with whatever I propose...”

So the crux of the issue was money. None of the options could be properly pursued as long as that remained unsolved.

The solution, then, was obvious.

Marisa thought about it for a while.

…

Did she really want to do this?

It was a hefty gamble...

...but in the end, just another dice roll.

She rummaged in the folds of her dress until her hands brushed a leather pouch.

“It's a hard decision to make, no doubt. I won't wedge myself in your lives.

But”

Marisa took out the pouch and threw onto Byakuren's chest, producing a jingle of metal. The nun opened her eyes and sat up.

“I can at least wager this much.

I don't know what the coin was in your time, but that's a lot of money. It should be more than enough to rebuild the temple, if you do the manual labor yourselves.”

She looked at the pouch, then back at the magician, than back to it and back again.

“Why are you giving us this much money?”

The tone was surprised and suspicious, understandably so. It would've seemed suspicious to the witch too, had it happened to her.

“I think, whatever you choose, you people can do a lot of good. I want you to be able to pick a path freely.

I myself would have a strong preference over one of the two sides, but...”

Byakuren looked at her in the eyes.

“You want me to side with the humans, correct?”

Marisa burst into laughter, leaving the other speechless.

“...you sure don't know me. No, I very much would not.”

And that shocked her even more. It was kinda funny, it made the magician want to laugh some more.

“But why would you, a human, want that?”

“Do I need a reason?

Look, i'll be straight.

There's a food shortage on the youkai side. The non-magical fauna is nigh extint, and the edible flora isn't faring much better.

The major factions aren't affected by this, since they've got land to raise livestock on and cultivate, but the others starve, getting weaker and weaker until they are paralyzed, too meager to be prey, unable to die by themselves. As a last, instinctual resort, they attack one another in mad desperation. Those who perish that way are lucky.

To avoid such fate they try and get into the village, to steal from its supplies, even when failure is almost certain and they risk death.

When the villagers have a problem related to youkai, or they think they have one anyways, they pay me to take care of it. That includes these attacks, if you can call them that. I never exterminate any of them, even if I get told to, I just knock them out or let them flee.

But...

I can fight the youkai away all I want, but that doesn't fix the fact that they're starving, does it?

I mean, they're right to go and steal food. Other have it, they do not. But I can't let them get away with it because if I do someone else if going to do the job instead of me, and that someone is going to murder them.

It's a broken situation. Whole thing's fucked, and fucked up.

...

The frequency of attacks has been slowly decreasing the last few years, yet the situation hasn't gotten any better. If anything it's gotten worse.

...

You could help. A lot. It wouldn't fix it, I can't promise it would even make that great of a difference, but it would be something. Your charity could change things, even if it just occasionally provided food. Right now there is no neutral youkai territory, nowhere anybody outside of a faction can go to seek help, or even just convene with others. It would be a giant step forward. If that is what you lot decide to do i will provide the funds, every season, from then on 'till I die. I never wanted this money anyways. It couldn't get me anything I desired.

Plus... I never know where to take the youkai after I knock them out.

It wouldn't be saving them from extermination, but...

I don't know what i'm saying, really.

…

In the end it's you people's life. Yours and yours only. I do not pretend to have any dominion over it. It's your choice. I just want to present all of the factors.

You're free to ignore all of this and henceforth pretend I do not exist.

That pouch has no strings attached. Whatever happens, it's yours.

That's just my argument.”

Byakuren had listened attentively to whole spiel, looking straight at her.

“That's... a lot.”

Marisa laughed.

“Yes, it is. I didn't imagine you would give me a response now, nor would I want you to.

I don't expect you to trust what i've told you at face value either. You can go and see for yourself.

Besides, I feel i've rather overstayed my welcome, so i'll leave.”

She got up from the grass. The nun kept looking at her, saying nothing, lost in thought.

“I live in a cottage in the forest of magic, the one that doesn't have “Alice's house” written on the door. It's not too hard to find. Come there if you want to talk to me.”

She put the broomstick between her legs and readied herself for flight.

“Oh, and if some red and white shrine maiden comes bothering you people tell her Marisa has already cleared you and the incident is solved. Your companions should already know about her, but be careful and don't lower your guard in her presence.

Also, don't tell anybody outside your group I gave you that money, or anything of what I told you.”

In an impulse, she added:

“Pretend you don't know me unless you're talking to red-white, partly because you don't.”

She could've flashed a smile. Part of her was screaming she should've.

But she didn't.

“'Nice meeting you, Byakuren. Goodbye.”

“Goodbye.”

She was still sitting on the grass, thinking about what she'd said.

The magician kicked the ground and flew into the sky.

All in all, it had been an exhausting, trying, incredible and important day. She had given the majority of her savings away, maybe for nothing, and if they did as she suggested she surely would have to find some way to earn more to make good on her promise. Plus she'd just taken on a lot more work, making sure that that lot wouldn't just take her money and do nothing or otherwise misuse it. Trust but verify.

And she would have to track that memory down...

But there, flying high, a thought persisted, almost illogical.

“Lucky day.”

Some bets can only lose, yet they are well worth the wager.

...philosophical waffling like that didn't belong to her. It made no sense.

After all morals can't really be weighted in gambling, fat lot they are worth.

That was why that group was so great. They'd given all for nothing, and were considering doing it again.

Really, they weren't anything like her, the meddling witch.

She flew above the forest, towards her house, high in the sky.

YY/04/2009

Marisa sat at the table in her house. On it laid an assortment of herbs, a pot of lukewarm water, some wood and a glass apparatus which others would've found pretty bizarre but was commonplace to her.

Her supply was running out, so she would have to-

Thump

“Are you home?”

Knocking noises interrupted her, together with a voice she couldn't quite recognize.

Marisa sighed, got up and walked to the door. Years ago she'd enchanted it so that, when closed, a small square of wood at the height of her head could be seen through from the house's side only, though she usually kept it covered with a cloth hanged on a nail (to avoid light seeping in and disturbing her sleep). It was useful for avoiding unwanted visitors.

She removed the cloth, revealing Shou Tomaru's face.

...the (al)chemical reaction could wait.

The magician readied a smile, opened the door and stepped outside.

“Good day to you, Shou. What's the occasion?”

The youkai smiled in turn.

“Hello, Marisa. I drew the short straw, so here I am playing messenger.

Well... we've decided to take the youkai's side. It's going to be a long time before we finish rebuilding the temple, but when we are done that's where we'll be.”

She suddenly hugged her, surprising the magician.

“Thank you.”

Marisa awkwardly hugged her back.

“'Haven't done anything worth thanking, but sure.”

...it felt nice.

How long had it been since last time she'd been hugged?

…

She held Shou tighter.

Lucky day.

Chapter Text

The opportunity to find those who are congenial to the cause will present itself eventually. It cannot be forced, lest you be discovered and killed. As to what you can do in the meantime, the answer remains “nothing”. Any course of action you could undertake would have little effect, if any, and would not be worth the risk to your person. Wait. Be patient.

You are our only hope for success. Your life cannot be wasted.

XX/09/2015

Sumireko sat in front of her, eyes closed, clearly thinking about what she'd told her.

Sanae blinked

and Sumireko was no longer there.

...

She abandoned herself onto the chair. closed her eyes and thought in silence.

...dammit.

She'd been so hurried in saving Sumi's life that she'd slipped and mentioned the rules, and the haphazard attempt at saving face didn't seem to have worked.

Social conventions...

For some, that was all they were. The rules were unwritten, after all, and it wasn't like every fight each and every youkai had was important. But if the psychic looked into the rules...

…

...really, what then? Had she any way of finding anything out?

She was friends with a lot of people in Gensokyo, but knew nigh nothing. Going around blindly asking about the rules would only earn silences and blank stares.

...right?

Anyone could talk... and such questions were dangerous...

...fuck.

Either way there was nothing she could do, at least until Sumireko visited again.

And what then? Trying to explain herself or giving any warning would only bring attention to the topic... best she could do now was hope she'd forget about it.

And what about the rest? Going against Gensokyo?

What could the psychic even do?

…

Now that the occult balls were gone? Nothing, really, beside get killed. It was a fool's errand. She wouldn't even have to act to save Gensokyo, but just to save her friend.

Right. That was what she would do. She would take the neutral path, one without conflict, where both rationality and instinct could be ignored.

Next time her friend visited she would express her sceptiscism, try to parse what she intended to do and shoot it down. Sumireko would never give up, but it'd be about the same.

She could ignore both the prayers and her gods.

Yes. She'd do that.

Sanae opened her eyes and scanned around the room.

Akira, was it?

ZZ/09/2015

There were days where nothing seemed to happen, traffic at the shrine was low to non existent and every thing that ought to be done already had been. They dragged on forever, draining her of all energies and interests until she laid immobile, no activity palatable and no will to do it with. Boredom eventually swallowed all, coalescing in a black hole of pure mundanity.

But what really drove her mad was how ok everyone else in Gensokyo (every Gensokyan?) seemed to be with it. Not only were they used to it, they didn't see anything wrong with most days being absolute nothingness and just lazed around like they weren't experiencing an abstract form of torture. They instead found her conceit funny.

Worst of all, most days were like that.
That was one of those days. She'd studied her textbooks for a time sufficient to drive her past self insane, swept the shrine's front twice, cooked the next two days' meals in advance, repeatedly cursed herself for finishing her duties the day before, reread Akira for good measure, eaten more than she should've just because the food was there, grew sick at the thought of reading any other book or comic again...
And the day still wasn't over. It was cruel, really.
Sanae laid onto the shrine's wooden front, where she always ended up during those days, listlessly looking at the protruding roof's bottom and intermittently changing position in a desperate grasp for variety, trying not to think much of anything and lose track of the time.
How the hell did Reimu manage to it?

It was... she didn't know, actually. No one in Gensokyo knew what a watch was, so she'd stopped wearing it the day after her arrival. She could've gone inside and checked, but the sun was precise enough for her needs. It was... 3? 4? Something like that. And the next day would likely be just the same...
She mumbled to herself.

“Sumireko, save me...”
The psychic hadn't come since that day. It wasn't surprising, she'd been given a lot to think about, but it still made Sanae anxious. Not that she could do anything about it.

Shoes hit the stone tiles.

“I see you're having fun.”

The shrine maiden turned, then sat up in a jolt.

“Sumireko!”

Her friend was standing in front of her, backpack on her chest as usual, a strange expression on her face. Not like she'd ever been good at reading faces.

“Hey.

Listen, I think I have a solution of sorts for what we were talking about last time. Maybe. It's something. Just... come with me.”

Trepidation coursed through her, tinged with anxiety.

“Sure.”

No pleasantries, no anything. This was serious.

A shiver ran down her spine.

She flew across Gensokyo, following Sumireko, who was in no mood to talk, until they landed onto what seemed to her like a random sloped meadow on the side of a mountain. Bones, most of them broken or perforated, were scattered across the field, clustering alongside an invisible line and then disappearing entirely shortly beyond it, spoiling the view.

They were at the edge of the barrier.

Why had Sumireko brought her here?

The psychic was in front of her, facing the barrier.

“This place... it should be the same as any other.”

She shuddered, her arms spasming for a second.

Sumireko turned around, towards Sanae.

“The plan is to stand guard here. It's a small part of the barrier's border, and we can only stay here for a limited amount of time, but if someone comes through we can save them. ”

Fuck.
She couldn't easily dissuade her from doing this, because as far as she knew it actually had a chance to work, and if she refused to do this the psychic would surely do it regardless.

But...

“And after that? They can't just cross the barrier back.”

Sumireko grimaced.

“I know. I've tried. You never see the barrier, it looks like there's normal terrain beyond, and if you try to step through you'll step to your side instead, again and again. I don't know if it's non euclidian or if it screws with your mind or what. But couldn't they find a home in the village?”

“They don't have homes lying around for free, you know. They'd become beggars and starve.”

She looked her straight in the eyes, firm in her resolve.

“It would be better than being eaten alive. They'd at least have a chance.”

Sanae turned around. She didn't want to think about being watched by Sumireko.

Fuck.

Anyone that arrived had to be eaten there. She was sure it was one of the rules. It had to be.

What would she do if someone arrived?

It was a deadlock. She couldn't do anything in front of Sumireko without severing their friendship forever, and she couldn't do that, she couldn't, but she couldn't break any of the rules of paradise either.

She knew what kept her attached to the psychic was instinct, and what told her to obey the rules was rationality. The gods' will, that which had to be true and had to be just. Compared to that, her human instincts were worthless. An animal's lowly impulses.

Still, if she were forced to make that choice, to actually pit one against the other...

Sanae came to a realization.

If it came to that, she would choose to abide by her instincts.

Knowing that felt wrong, so very wrong, and it felt right, more right than anything else in her life, and... she didn't know. Feelings swirled inside her chest, becoming indistinguishable, weighting her down. Her entire self felt in conflict, tethering on the brink of... something. A precipice, an immutable change.

No matter what, she didn't want to have to choose.

Sanae turned around, towards Sumireko.

She tried to keep her voice steady.

“Ok. Let's do that.”

Her friend gave her a strange look.

“Sanae... you don't have to do this, you know. I tried to tell you last time.

I'm used to it. I get it.

And... I know there are some things you can't tell me. I won't press you about the rules or-”

She cut her off, anxiety and dread and fear ignited by the words.

“Rules? What do you know about the rules?”

Sumireko grinned sarcastically.

“Rules? What are you talking about? What rules?”

Her friend shook her head and looked away.

“That's not the point.

I don't want to force this on you. If you want to accompany me as I rage against... I don't know. I'd say windmills, but the monsters are very much real.

That's the point. If you want to do this i'll be happy, but you don't have to. It will be dangerous, it will certainly take away much of your time...

I can do it by myself. Probably.”

She shuddered again.

“So... if you want to opt out, i get it.”

Sumireko was looking away, still. Neither could see the other's expression. It made it easier, in a sense.

Opt out...

It really could be that easy. She could keep their friendship intact without breaking any of the rules or even dealing with whatever the tangle in her stomach meant and just go on with her ordinary life, like that day had never happened.

But it was no choice at all, was it? Not really.

She had decided it herself that day, by herself, for herself, simply because she hadn't wanted Sumireko to die. That resolve still stood. Standing next to the barrier with the intent of separating wild youkai from their food was a death sentence. And still, The psychic went and did it with no regard to her safety.

If Sumireko wouldn't ensure her own safety, she would. It was an easy choice to make.

It struck Sanae that there were very few choices she'd made that had actually been hers.

…

Instinct, the lot of it. Rubbish, poison of the mind, the filth of beasts, the chains of humanity. She must not let herself be corrupted; she must follow the only truth. Rationality, as taught by the gods.

Sanae stopped herself from thinking.

Once learned, it was an easy trick.

“I'm not going to. I want to do this.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

Sumireko looked back at the wind priestess, relief plain on her face.

“Well, that's good.”

She stayed silent for a moment.

“Thank you.

So, nothing to do but wait, right?”

So wait they did.

Sumireko had brought more comics and books, so it wasn't atrocious, but it was still just... waiting. So they stayed there, sitting upon the grass, doing nothing in particular, one in front of the other, Sanae looking towards the barrier, her friend away from it, until the sun was a good 25 degrees from the horizon and a feeble alarm beeped from Sumireko's watch.

“...nobody came. Guess this is what they meant.”

She disappeared before Sanae could ask her what she'd meant.

HH... it doesn't matter, really.

“Akira is one of the best works of comic artistry ever made!”

“Ok, but I think the finale was pretty weak. I could hardly understand what was happening with all of that psychedelic stuff. And what is up with the ending? They just establish an anarchic state? Why?”
“Man, you really do have shit taste! That finale is great! Besides, why would those people, who were all rebels against the state, want another state to be established? So they could be... what's the word...”

“Oppressed?”

“No... Well, close enough. So they could be oppressed again?”

“But...

Days pass. That's what they do. No one pays them much mind.

“Are you sure you can't come here more often?”

“Yes. I've got to work the shrine. That's my duty.”

“Your duty... you don't have a duty t-”

“Hey. We agreed not to talk about that.”

“But...”

Or if they do, it's only for a brief moment, before the matter is quickly forgotten and normal life resumes.

“Come on, you know that i'm an atheist.”

“That's what I don't get! How can you see Gensokyo and meet its gods and still be an atheist?”
“That doesn't really make a difference. I mean, have you ever read the Magnus Chase book? The one by Rick Riordan?”
“No? How could I? You haven't brought me it.”

“Right. Have you read... The Lighting Thief? That was out when you were outside, right?

“I have. What does this have to do with your atheism?”

“Gimme a moment. So Magnus Chase is gonna be this northern mythology series, which is probably gonna be pretty cool but right now only the first boo is out and that's not the point. Works like the greek mythology in the other book. I've got to get you the rest of those by the way. And in the book there is this muslim woman which is also a valkirie, right? So Magnus goes up to her and asks “Hey, how come you're muslim if you know there's all this mythology around and you're pledged to Odin and stuff” and she responds that she thinks that all of those northern gods are just powerful beings and not actual gods and that Allah is above them.

Well i'm like that character, except I don't think there's anyone above. I think all of these gods are pretty powerful beings, sure, but that doesn't give them the right to determine my life. Nor yours, for the record.”

“Sumi...”

“I'll die on this hill. You need to recognize that they aren't gods.”

“But...”

I suppose it's a good thing. No one would get much of anything done if it were otherwise.

“Why doesn't anyone ever come?”
“Hell if I know. The number of bones keeps increasing, so humans that come through the barrier still arrive here. Maybe we're just unlucky.”

“But that's not what you think, is it?”

“I don't know what I think. What I know is that the only thing we can do is stand here and hope.”

“But...”

But slowly things change. Like the rising heat to frog in the cooking pot, this isn't recognized.

“How's being immortal, anyways?”

“I wouldn't say i'm immortal. I don't age, sure, but if you stabbed me i'd die.”

“What about sickness? If you don't age but can still die of, I dunno, cancer, that's a pretty bad bargain, isn't it?”

“I guess. I still get sick though.”

“Seems like you got scammed. You should go ask for a refund at the immortality store, Sanae.”

“...

It's not just some power, you know. It means i've become more god like, that I have left human impurity behind, that-”

“You do realize that only lend credence to my “powerful being” stance, right? Besides, what do you mean by “human impurity?” You seem plenty human to me.”

“But...”

And at one point you will look back and realize how different things are.

“Instinct? How is the hell is that instinct? You've got things pretty fucking mixed up if you think that's instinct and blindly following those women is rationality! You know what you sound like? You sound insane! You sound like my grandma did! Fuck, why did not think this would be the case? You grew up with indoctrination personified! This... This... I even don't know what to say.”

Are they better? Now, there's an hard question. I suppose everyone has to find the answer for themselves.

“...”

“...”

Not like that moment is going to come as soon as it could. Figuring oneself out is no joke.

“Please, pretend like all of that has never happened. Like you don't know what I think. Please.”

“...i can't Sanae. For your own good, I can't.

…

This is such a strange situation, isn't it? I can't do anything to change your mind. I can only hope that you'll listen.”

Truly, things always seem the same.

“Do you think the terrain we can see beyond the barrier is real?”

“Dunno. It doesn't exist in the outside world, that's for sure. At least where the other... side? Edge? Warp? I don't know? Is.”

“Wait, you know where Gensokyo is located in the outside world?”

“Yes. I exited from there after I did the whole urban legend mess, remember? It's not very clear where the edge is, but it's there. It isn't an area, it's kind of an irregular line. And there's the Hakurei shrine, of course.”

“But...”

XX/06/2016

“They were right. This is useless. There has to be something else I can do.

Let's stop coming here. I'm not giving up, but...”

“But what?”

“I don't know. I really don't.”

Chapter Text

██/██/████

“You know, I thought I understood who you where. It all seemed so simple. Should've know what you guys told me wasn't the whole story. Even though it wasn't fully false either... Really, of all people, I should have known better.

It's just... considering what you told me when we first met, it's so fucking funny.”

“I fail to see the humor. Besides, I called you here to confront you, not the contrary.”

“But what's the point? I know the entire story. You know the entire story. Different parts of it concern either of us, but that doesn't matter. The only question is if we accept it.”

Gensokyo has been populated by both humans and youkai for as long as scholars have recorded its history, and likely even before then. The knowledge of who came to inhabit it first has been long lost to time, but it is likely to be the youkai; settlements such as the oni's Youkai Mountain (I refuse to acknowledge that to be the actual name of the mountain, but it is a epithet I will abide by in regards to the occupied territory) and the kappa's village(s, possibly), wherever that is, have existed for centuries and likely at least a millennia, while countless minor youkai congregations have left significant traces upon both earth and history; nonetheless the majority of them are not known to humans, nor will they ever be.

At several point in its history it has been established to whom Gensokyo belongs to; established, but never discussed, nor ever agreed upon by the differing factions. Humans said it was theirs. Youkai said much the same. Cultured debate followed, conducted through the rigid academic standards of warfare.

Some instead said the land didn't belong to anybody, and that the two groups should learn to coexist peacefully. Naive as this view may seem, humans soon learned it was the only way they could survive, as organized youkai massacred them in every confrontation. Even so it could hardly be called peace,but rather domination. Given monopoly over violence, the youkai kept all of their territory and took what more of it they desired, though they never made any attempt to drive away or genocide the humans, nor were they gluttonous in their takings.

It has been said that accepting the superiority of youkai as an immutable fact is necessary, both for our survival and peace of mind.

As if. It is all cowardice, weakness of the mind. How can their presence be seen as anything other than a perversion of reality, an aberration to be eradicated? They are the enemies of humanity, by their very definition, their essence. To think that this can change is utter idiocy.

██/██/████

“Do you seriously understand... this? The whole thing? What you're doing?”

“Sure. How couldn't I? I mean, i've been going at it for years.”

“But-”

“Face it. We both know the same things, have access to about the same information, and we've come to different conclusion. And yet still here we are. Just accept it how it is.”

“But I just don't understand you!”

“Dunno what to tell you.”

…

“I think... this has already happened before. Somehow.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Just a feeling.”

██/██/████

“I really don't understand you.”

“Do you have to?”

“Heh. You're funny, Reimu.”

“Sure am.”

“But seriously. How can you go around and act all friendly with youkai you were at odds with the day before while you exterminate their kin?”

“I do my job, first and foremost. Beside that, I just accept things as they are, and try to do my best with that. What's the sense of acting like an asshole with everyone i've fought if I can just... not?

Besides, you know i'm not really “at odds with” any youkai, even the ones I exterminate.”

“Right...”

XX/06/2009

Marisa walked along the village's street, two baskets in each hand and a laden purse hidden in the folds of her dress weighting against her chest. Losing the best part of a day to supply runs annoyed her, but it was necessary; besides, if she got lucky she could find new “”clients””, of the unwilling but unaware sort. Or maybe even new clients. Anxiety permeated her for a moment, but she shook it off. She had enough. It wouldn't become a problem.

A gray haired girl emerged running from a side alley, catching her eye. She wore a long sleeved white shirt and loose black trousers, both of which looked cheaply made. Her head was shrouded in a roughly sewn cloak, leaving only the front visible. Looking at her, the word “tiny” naturally came to mind.

The girl stopped and turned towards her. Recognition flashed into Marisa's mind.

She put on a smile.

“Hello Nazrin! What brings you here?”

The youkai looked her in the eyes.

“I was looking for you. You weren't at home, nor at the shrine. Byakuren wants to talk to you.”

Marisa turned away.

“Yeah, well, she's going to have to wait. I've got stuff to do.”

“I'm sure they can wait.”

“They could, but i'm not going to make them. You can accompany me if you want.”

She lowered her voice.

“Nice disguise, by the way.”

Nazrin's gaze hardened.

“She's quite angry with you, Marisa. I don't fully know why, but I think its best you come quickly.”

The magician turned back towards her, and her smile fell.

“If she's angry, i've got a number of grievances myself. Maybe i've left some things unsaid for too long. Sure, i'll come.”

At that, Nazrin looked... surprised? Perplexed? Bewildered? Hard to tell. Somewhere between the three, it seemed to Marisa. It was quite a strange reaction.

She stopped herself from grimacing. Had she been out of line?

Oh well. Too late to remedy it.

“So? Come along.”

The magician walked back along the village's street, followed by the gray haired youkai.

First the flying ship came into view, then the temple. If it could be called that. Seen from far and above, it was a wooden platform with some sparse protrusions and, if you looked carefully, a pile of equipment and material to the side. Until it they finished building it, the buddhist youkai all lived on the ship. Murasa resided in the captain's quarters, Byakuren in the second mate's, Nue wherever she pleased and everyone else slept on hammocks in the hold. It wasn't comfortable and privacy was in scarce supply, but everyone weathered it, finding solace in its impermanence. They were building their new home. It was all going to be fine.

That was their view, at least.

Marisa set foot onto the ship. From her point of view things were going to be less than fine, and one of the leading causes as to why was currently on front of her.

Murasa waved at the magician, smiling.

“Welcome aboard!”

She put on a smile and stared firmly at the youkai's brow.

“Hello, Murasa.”

Nazrin landed and rescued her from the conversation before it even happened, showing a remarkable talent for prescience.

“Come on. Follow me.”

She walked ahead, heedless of whether the witch was obeying her.

Marisa shrugged and shot Murasa's brow and apologetic look before following the tiny persecutor. She had no time to think about the phantom as she carefully made her descent into the hold. The wooded stairs creaked under her weight and the rough carpentry threatened to make her fall. The magician sighed. Even with many times she had traversed those steps, she'd hardly become accustomed to them.

Nazrin was waiting in front of the door, propped against the wall. Her lips formed a slight smile.

“Good luck. For what it's worth, I don't agree with her.”

Marisa wondered once more as to why Byakuren would be angry with her, drawing a blank. Still, the youkai's support was somewhat comforting, though stifled by the thought that, in agreement or not, she'd still dragged her there.

“Thanks.”

She opened the door and slipped in.

The room was the same as she'd last seen it.

It was cramped, about one and a half times her height in width and two and a quarter in length. She could easily touch the ceiling by extending an arm upwards. The vast majority of the floor was occupied by a table, a bed and three chairs, two facing the door and one opposed to them, leaving little room to move around.

Byakuren sat on one of the chair, facing the door. Her expression was neutral, perfectly so, in a way that made it look manufactured. At least that was how it looked to the magician, Nazrin's words gnawing at the back of her mind.

The nun gestured at the opposing chair, bidding her to sit down.

It really irked Marisa. What had she done to deserve that treatment out of nowhere? She had been nothing but a friend to Byakuren. So, in a impulse, she sat next to the nun and turned towards her.

“So. What's the matter, Byakuren? Why was I brought here like i'm some despondent child and you're my parent?”

She shifted in her seat-

“I know where you get the money, Marisa.”

-and suddenly the witch's mind was in a different place.

The room was closed. Nazrin was likely still outside it. The Myouren people were too important.

There was no costless escape.

When accused, it is of vital importance to not look guilty or in any way admit culpability. When the accusation is not explicit it is easy to further the accuser's claim in their place by responding spontaneously or by pushing forward the conversation. Silence is often used as a wedge, to increase tension and to lead the interlocutor to fill it. To most people silence is asking a question, and they feel it is up to them to find out which.

The outlines of the situation were disquietingly familiar.

Marisa raised an eyebrow and stayed silent. Acting innocent would've been a superior strategy were that an ordinary or public confrontation, but Byakuren surely knew what she was talking about. Better to force her say it. Besides, the accusation was still unknown.

The nun sighed, and her visage hardened.

“Stealing. Scamming. Selling dubious goods. I suspected sums that large couldn't come from honest work, but it still surprised me.

Worse is, I don't even understand why you would do this. If this is how you intend to support the temple, I do not want your money.”

Marisa did not grin, nor did she smile. In private arguments anything that could be interpreted as a taunt is to be avoided, especially when a lot is on the line. The rationality of the interlocutor cannot be relied on, as when a discussion is cut short because of anger it might as well be lost. The efficacy of appeals to reason largely varies from person to person, but they can be extremely effective, especially if an accusation to the contrary can be easily made.

“Just like that? You aren't even going to let me explain myself?”

The nun opened her mouth to speak, but the witch cut her off.

“And if you want to talk morals, it's not like you have the high ground.”

Counter attacks, semi-unrelated accusations made to the opponent, are very dangerous. Staving off the current argument in exchange for another can dampen the impact of the response to it when it recurs, while when used for stalling it will destabilize the entire conversation; in turn, it can strengthen delayed responses immensely or, if done skillfully, banish entire topics.

It sickened the magician, somewhat, but it was a tool as any other. Besides, she wouldn't lie. It was about time she brought it up.

“Take Murasa.”

Surprise showed plain on Byakuren's face.

“What about Murasa?”

“She drowns people.”

“Yes? What about it?”

Marisa stared at her, silent, until the nun spoke again.

“Seriously, what about it? What does that have to do with anything?”

The witch laughed. It wasn't a front, it wasn't posturing, it wasn't acting. It wasn't a product of that familiar place, that position she'd been forced into once again, that state of the mind she'd learnt without intent. It was genuine.

Strange how often that happened in front of Byakuren. Even when she couldn't tell where her barriers ended and herself began, all melding in the... the... what even was it? Marisa was what it was, even then, something came out that she couldn't recognize as anything but hers.

It was all so absurd. It didn't even make sense.

“How can you say that? How can it not matter?

You know, I thought I understood who you where. It all seemed so simple. Should've know what you guys told me wasn't the whole story. Even though it wasn't fully false either... Really, of all people, I should have known better.

It's just... considering what you told me when we first met, it's so fucking funny.”

The nun's hands gripped the table, her countenance composed.

“I fail to see the humor. Besides, I called you here to confront you, not the contrary.”

Marisa spread her arms wide, the grin slowly wilting from her face as ire filled its void.

“But what's the point? I know the entire story. You know the entire story. Different parts of it concern either of us, but that doesn't matter. The only question is if we accept it.

And as it is, I don't think I do.

Do you remember what you told me when we first met, down in Makai? That you recognized youkai as equal to humans? What's with this then? Why do you seem to not give a fuck when they die? And i'm not talking just about you, Byakuren. Shou, Nazrin, Ichirin, Unzan, Nue, hell, even Murasa herself. Why?”

The buddhist shook her head, confused.

“Youkai kill humans. That is their nature. Their purpose. If you wanted to prevent youkai from killing humans you'd have to exterminate them all. You want to help youkai, right? I don't get why you're so angry about some strangers dying. And what does that have to do with moral highgrounds?”

Marisa looked aside, put her elbows on the table and started running her hands through her hair.

What did she mean “what does that have to do with moral highgrounds???” It had everything to do with morals! It was people dying! It was such an elementary thing, how could she explain it? Did she have to explain it? Was it all a misunderstanding? Had she fucked up?

The magician closed her eyes and tried to think.

“Right...

That's another thing I don't understand. Why don't you exterminate youkai you know are going to kill people?”

“...

I've got a lot of answers to that. Which do you want?”

“...

An honest one.”

“Alright.

…

I've never seen much point to it.”

“…”

“Heh. I can almost hear the gears turning inside your head.”

“I... disagree.”

“'Would've bet on it.”

“Not on not killing those youkai, I mean. But the sentiment. What you just said.”

“Huh.”

“Though i'm sure even my reasons for that first part are different from yours.”

“For sure.”

“...

We're pretty different, you and I, aren't we?”

(Back to) XX/06/2009

Marisa opened her eyes and faced Byakuren. Her left hand drummed frantically against her leg.
“You don't understand. I know youkai kill humans, and I certainly don't want to exterminate them all. I mean, as you've said, i'm funding this whole “temple”. I know that most youkai I drive out from the fields or stop from getting in the village want to eat the villagers, and I still don't exterminate them. But they want that for a reason. They want, they need, to eat. And I still don't think that's good. Humans dying, I mean. I'll prevent it from happening any time i'm given the opportunity.

Murasa kills people for fun. That has to stop. I don't care if you do not understand why.”

Byakuren pursed her lips.

“Why should I?”

“What?”

The magician was stunned. Anger now blazed across the nun's face.

“I called you here to tell you I wasn't going to accept your dirty money any longer, and you've given me no reason to change that. Why should I obey a thief's orders, when I brought her here to advice her not to talk to me or my people ever again?”

Stupor, anger, then incredulity and finally doubt spun and weaved tapestries in Marisa's mind. This was... incredible. absurd. unacceptable. irrecoverable. She needed... she needed...

She had to think.

Her right leg bounced uncontrollably on the front sole. She closed her eyes again. Byakuren was probably looking at her funny, but it didn't matter.

Attacking the nun's morals clearly wouldn't work. Arguing she hadn't done what she was being accused of wouldn't work, though she maybe had a shot on “selling dubious goods”. All of her wares were of the highest quality and did exactly as advertised. She'd kept that and the scammings separated for a reason, dammit.

No time for tangents. Arguing the moral value of them wouldn't work either, not on what was apparently the stupidest code of morality ever devised. But she still had to argue morals somehow, if she wanted the “temple” to be built. And she did want that.

So. What did the nun care about? Nazrin and company, the temple and “human youkai equality”, whatever that actually meant. Nevermind that if she refused her funds the temple would never be built.

…

Actually, that was a point.

…

If she bent the truth a little...

Marrisa opened her eyes. Sure enough, Byakuren was looking at her very sternly. At another time it would've been funny. As it was, the situation weighed on her stomach. Her leg hadn't stopped bouncing.

She took a deep breath and summoned back a bit of her front.

“The reason I did all that, everything you scorn me for, was for the temple. It was because I believed it was a good much greater than the evil I was enacting to fund it. And I still believe that. And I think you know it too. You can't build nor run the temple, not without me. Besides... it's not your choice, you know. My support goes to the entirety of you. Shou, Nazrin, Ichrin, Unzan, Nue if she wants, hell, even Murasa... don't you think they have a say in this? And it's even wider than that. Your temple would help all youkai and better Gensokyo as a whole. Put plainly, it's not your decision to make.”

The magician raised her voice. She wasn't sure it would work...

“Isn't that right, Nazrin?”

...but it was worth a try.

A handful of moments passed, all identical to each other. Gods, it was awkward to be standing like that, half turned towards the nun. She should've taken the opposite chair.

But the door did open, and Nazrin came in.

Lucky as always, even when it didn't seem like it. Especially then.

The mouse youkai faced Byakuren, fierce as usual

“Yes. I agree.”

before turning and exiting the room.

...maybe not that fierce, at least in front of the nun. Oh, well, she'd made her point.

Byakuren looked... surprised. Very much so.

Good. Time to press the advantage.

Marisa put on a smile.

“See? You won't be rid of me.”

She got up from the chair and walked towards the door without waiting for a response, making an effort to conserve some grace while passing around the table.

“Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a supply run to do.”

Byakuren's voice stopped her.

“I can't say I understand why, but i'll try to ask Murasa to kill less people.”

The need to get out suddenly assailed her. It wouldn't help. It didn't matter. Her voice quivered.

“You do that.”

The magician half ran and at least good quarter stumbled, with only a meager fraction left for walking, out of the ship. Nazrin said something after her, but she could hardly hear it. The instant the sky was above her head she dove into it.

What great allies she had, who couldn't even recognize the value of a human life. Worse, they weren't monsters. They were normal. Hell, better than that. She liked them. She liked being with them. And yet...

How was it that nobody, nobody she'd ever found, could recognize the value of sapient life? Only of that of their own kin, and even that reluctantly. It was... it was...

And she hadn't changed anything, just restored it to its previous state. Murasa wouldn't stop drowning people for the hell of it.

...it was unacceptable, that was what it was.
Marisa sighed, taking in the frigid sky's air. The feel of it against her skin pulled her together, making her feel more real.

“The only question is if we accept it.”.

Marisa flew towards the village, her mind buzzing with thoughts.

“Yeah.

Yeah, I think that's true.

…

Not in what really matters, though.”

“...

…

...”

“...

Are you alive?”

“I was thinking.

…

You're wrong.”

“Come on, I might get offended if you say it like that.”

“Yeah, well, it's true.”

“...”

“This tea is good.”

“...”

“...”

“Look, if there's something you want to say, say it. I feel like you've been holding in something in this whole conversation.”

XX/04/2015

It really shouldn't have surprised Kasen anymore. To her defense, this time Marisa had not only broken into the hermit realm inside of which she'd put her house, but also into her actual house, taking advantage of her absence. She didn't know how she'd gotten past the tiger and all her other animals, but she clearly had.

She had come back and calmly entered her house only to turn and find Marisa sitting at the table with the one of the biggest grins she'd ever seen. Nearly stopped her heart too, while the witch had just laughed. By the time she regained her composure her dignity had been lost forever.

And just when she managed to open her mouth Marisa had interrupted her, flippant as ever.

“Hey Kasen! How's it going? We've really got to find some way for me to contact you without wandering through a forest for an hour. Nearly forgot where it was. I was just about to call it quits. I'm getting a feel for it, but your hermit ream thing's still hard to find. And good thing you haven't changed the entry point, otherwise it might've taken me months!”

And then she just sat there. Smiling. Fuck, she clearly wanted her to get angry. And as much as it was working, that was precisely the reason she couldn't show it.

Kasen composed herself, again, and sat at the table.

“Why are you here?”

The magician put one elbow on the table, palm up, placed her chin upon it and leaned forward.

“I'm here to ask for you to help me with with one of my “youkai dealing” jobs.”

“And why would I want to do that?”

Marisa tilted her head.

“Because I might need you, because it might save some humans as well as some youkai, and because you might learn a thing or two.”

She never failed to exasperate her.

“About what?!”

“Oh, you know. Me, what I am doing, and what you are doing.”

The magician leaned back, dropped her smile and looked her straight in the eyes.

“There are a lot of reasons why you would, and should, want that, and all of them are very serious, even when I don't look the part. And we should talk. Seriously, this time.”

And leaned forward again, resuming her past pose and smiling again.

“But later, since at the moment I seem to be more “sly” than “serious”. Don't you agree?”

God, this woman...

Nobody could tangle her thoughts better than her. Yukari arguably tried more (though who could really tell), with varying degrees of success, and still had not reached the chaotic mastery of that single human. Likely because she'd learnt what to expect from the gap youkai, and animosity was a sturdy shield, while the magician was an entirely novel puzzle, one she had an harder time hating.

Still, once she'd discarded her annoyance it became clear she might as well accept. There was hardly anything she could lose besides time, and Marisa...

It was strange. She didn't know what to feel about her. Hell, she didn't know what she already felt about her, except for curiosity.

“Fine. I'll help you. When will this job take place, and what even is it?”

Marisa lifted herself from the table.

“Today. We've got 'till tomorrow morning, but i'd like to be done before evening.

Kasen shoved herself up from the table, anger once again coloring her face.

“Today?!”

The magician moved from the table, her face becoming neutral.

“Yeah, well, if you'd taken any longer to come I would've gone and done it by myself. I don't get warned in advance for these, you know. Youkai don't bother respecting my schedule, don't expect them to do as most pleases you. So i'm here to give you a choice, even if they don't. Do you want to come and help me, now?.”

Not like she had anything planned. The animals could take care of themselves for the day.

Kasen walked towards the door, not sparing a glance at the magician.

“I've already told you, i'll help. Now come on. Youkai won't do as pleases me, i'm told, so we'd better hurry there. Wherever “there” is.”

Still, she would've bet Marisa was smiling.

“Thank you.”

Whatever that smile even meant, sometimes it was nice. Just knowing it was there.

“Well...

…

How can you not be “at odds” with the youkai you exterminate? Or, I mean, how can you kill someone you're not “at odds” with?”

“Lots of questions about youkai extermination today. Is that how you usually get to know people?”

“I...”

“I was joking. I get it, you know.

…

Honest one?”

“Honest one.”

“I... can't really give you the complete answer.”

“What a surprise. You've never said anything like that to me before.”

“You're funny, Marisa.”

“Sure am.”

“...

Look, it's part of being the Hakurei Shrine Maiden. And if I wasn't the Hakurei Shrine Maiden someone else would be.”

The fields around the human village were unstable, to say the least.

Owned land had always been a contentious topic ever since the barrier had been erected, as all connection to the state had been severed with it. Who owned what, how they owned it, who could work it, how, why, everything surrounding that and if one could even own something like a piece of ground had been questions with uneasy answers and uneasier solutions often reached with anything easy one could be sure of, which had usually been a weapon. Those who already had power had largely held onto it by virtue of what they had, while those who hadn't had been defined not by their virtue but by what they had not, part of which shortly became their life.

But in the end property is still land, land which laid outside of the human village, land which any youkai could reach.

Any job which could not be done inside the village was either done inside something that could barricaded, executed with strict armed surveillance or performed someplace where terrain was flat and did not impair vision in any direction. Agriculture fell firmly inside this last category, as long as there was enough light, and then only the reckless or the desperate worked the fields.

Still, not everything can be removed and brought home when darkness falls. Small sturdy houses, apt for temporary stay, could be seen on the land furthest from the village, while toolsheds were a necessity for every plot of farmland.

Kasen thought being told what one had to do for a job to also be a necessity, but Marisa clearly disagreed. She'd followed her in flight, landed on a seemingly random piece of farmland, in front of a wooden shed, and still didn't know what she was supposed to be doing there.

“So? Why are we here?”

“Wait, i've gotta check something.”

The hermit watched as the magician removed her hat, put her hear against the wall and stayed still.

She hadn't payed attention to it while they were at her house, especially since the table had impeded her vision, but her companion was dressed for combat. She had two belts on her lower torso, tightly holding, by manner of pouch, string or sections of leather sewn for a specific purpose, all manners of vials, what looked like packets made of cloth or sometimes paper, two or three small and brightly colored object shaped like a very squashed cylinder, with an upper part that was halfway black, made of the same material as the rest and halfway covered by metal with a hole on top, clearly hailing from the outside world, some metal cylinders, which looked shoddily made even to her, a short rope extruding from each of them, a packet of paper rectangles, the origin of which she could guess, and other items, most of which she didn't recognize. There was an additional belt hitched high on her right leg, a single large pouch tethered to it and held open with string. A drawing of a green octagon with an orange flame in the center gave a hint as to what it held.

Her skirt was much shorter, she wore sturdy looking high boots instead of shoes, and her dress was less elaborate than usual, seemingly made of a different cloth. The hat was the same as always, but then she always wore it.

The magician put it back on and muttered something under her breath.

“I can't hear 'em, but I doubt they did either. Probably fooled themselves.”

Marisa twirled around to face Kasen and stepped away from the wall, a serious expression on her face.

“Ok, listen up! This is going to be a bit lengthy, since I doubt you know the basic human safety protocols – Rinnosuke calls 'em that, not me – well, I guess also me – do you know Rinnosuke? He says i'm a living protocol violation - that's not the point. Sheds or buildings of any kind built outside the village have a Catch on the outside. There are multiple kinds of Catches, each carpenter swears by a different one, that's not the point either. A Catch is something on the outside of a door that can be inserted or set up in some way from outside, but not from the inside, and dislodges or changes in some way if the door is moved. It isn't an actual protocol or anything, it's something that people have learnt is best to do a good deal of centuries ago. Not like everyone can afford locks for every one of these, and people think youkai will magically open 'em anyways. The point of a Catch is that you set it when you exit a building, and if a youkai enters while you're gone the Catch is going to be altered, and you're going to know that there's someone inside. You don't build windows when building for the outside, and if a wall's broken you're going to notice that, so the door's the only entry point.

What happened today is that some guys went up to the door, noticed the Catch was off, did the smart thing and called for me. They also told me they heard breathing inside, which worried me 'cause most youkai don't breathe, and-”

Her face must have betrayed her, because Marisa stopped rambling.

“What?”

“What what? Why did you stop?”

Marisa stared at her for a handful of seconds, silent, then opened her mouth.

“Did-”

“Doesn't the Hakurei Shrine have windows?”

It didn't make sense, but it served to interrupt the magician.

Which just smiled.

“Ok. I get it.”

Did she? Did she really, or did had the witch deluded herself to think so? Gods, Marisa was just... just...

...what was she?

And, even more infuriatingly, she apparently did know, because she went on as if nothing had happened.

“Youkai that breathe are usually the more powerful ones, since they have reached an extremely advanced form of mimicry. I checked, and I can't hear 'em, so there's a good chance they imagined it, but you don't take chances with youkai. Maybe they knew we were here and stopped, maybe they can't breathe and one of the reasons I came to you for help is null and void, or maybe the workers just set the Catch wrong, there's no one inside, and i've brought us here for nothing. If I haven't, we're going to have to remove the youkai inside.

So. How well can you fight? And I mean actual fighting, not duels or spell cards.”

Kasen raised her eyebrows.

“So that's why you brought me here?”

“I told you, there are a lot of whys.”

“Well, I can fight pretty well, at least physically.”

“Right. Human-wise well or “youkai-wise” well?”

“The latter, obviously. Who do you think I am?”

The magician smiled. Ever the same.

“You're Kasen, aren't you?”

She turned around and walked towards the door, stopping in front of it, while the hermit followed.

“So. Don't kill them, don't cause any permanent damage, not even anything what won't heal in a week. Just incapacitate them best you can.”

Kasen wondered why Marisa cared so much about the harm she would do to those youkai.

“I'm going to count on not having to defend you. You clearly don't get in many of these fights...

The magician looked at the hermit for confirmation, then back at the door.

“...so you're going to have to readjust your expectations. It's not going to be classy, nor clean or lengthy. What it is going to be is quick, dirty, messy, bloody and exhausting, because if it isn't it's going to be deadly, for me if not for you. We don't know what's inside there, and once I open that door and find out we're going to have to keep acting on that assumption, even if you think you recognize the youkai, for reasons that I hope are obvious to both of us. Even if they look completely human, knock out and restrain first, ask questions later, because, you know, sometimes it's harder to find a youkai who isn't like that.”

It was strange, seeing Marisa like that, in the role of a professional youkai...

...well, not an exterminator, apparently...

...and witnessing it fit perfectly around her, just as the ordinary Marisa did.

Even if what she had seen in the last months didn't fit into that role.

...

In the end, it always came back to how little they knew each other.

Kasen turned towards the door and readied herself for combat, raising her arms into a stance, and lied.

“You know I also live in a forest, right? I'm used to fighting youkai.”

“Yup! I also know you live in a weird, separate hermit thing, so I doubt they come knocking at your door, and I bet you can enter it by flight.”

Marisa was right, of course. She was severely out of practice. Strange that the witch hadn't pressed her on it, and stranger yet that she'd asked her for help if she'd figured it out.

“Final pointers, let's not try to fight together, we'd only get in each other's way. If there's one youkai, i'll handle it, unless you see me really not handling it, in which case you handle it. If there's two, I take on the one on the left and you the one on the right. If there's three or more, we do whatever comes easier depending on where they are. The important thing is to not let any of them act without us being ready to do something about it. Extreme cases, prioritize your life. I can give back what I was payed, somebody else can deal with this shed, but you can't come back to life. Unless you can, in which case feel free to tell me.

So.”

She turned towards Kasen.

“I'm going to open this door, create a bright light and go inside. Are you sure you still want to do this?”

The magician looked at her straight in the eyes.

Did she?

The hermit swallowed.

She did.

She could do it. If it was to learn more about Marisa, she could do it. Worst case scenario, she'd get out with a couple of minor wounds and that would be it.

Kasen nodded and turned towards the door.

“Final warning.”

Marisa slammed the door opened, and the next moment a light shone bright inside the shed, annihilating every shadow.

She got the quick impression of tools and material against the walls

a trodden dirt flooring

the woman beside her moving her arms

and something in front of her, moving

very

very

fast

She felt a sharp, stabbing pain in her leg, screaming for recognition, and fell over. She was faintly aware of movement and loud, almost deafening, sounds to her left, a vestige of a thought faintly recognizing it as Marisa's, but her focus was fully occupied by her struggle.

She caught a glimpse of her aggressor, her eyes immediately recognizing it as a human while her mind discarded the foolish notion, hooked into her lower leg by its mouth, before she instinctively kicked it with all the might of sudden desperation, dislodging it together with a chunk of her flesh.

Too panicked to scream, something that could not be adrenaline coursing through veins she knew she didn't have, not her, not really, she scrabbled up from the ground and barely got herself upright, eyes fixated onto the thing that had just attacked her briefly tumbling on the ground before lurching towards her, hands and feet rasping the ground like a wild animal clashing with the all too human body.

She had a few seconds to nebulously lament fighting abilities she had no right to, which belonged to a different life, in a flashing of ideas too primitive to be called a thought, before stomping onto the, the thing, before it reached her, and stomping again, and again, because it was on the ground and she wasn't and what else could she do from that position to hurt it, and she had to hurt it, so it could not hurt her, and even if it grew still and somehow stiller yet it was not enough, because what if it was acting, mimicking a death just like it mimicked that body, and she had to keep kicking it, because-

“Fuck, Kasen, stop! You've subdued it!”

She-

SLAP

The stinging, sudden pain on her face brought the hermit to herself.

“Ya done?”

Kasen stared at the dirt outside the shed, compacted into a road by the workers' traffic, and at the battered cadaver that laid onto it, sprawled on its belly.

No, she corrected herself. It wasn't a cadaver, it was a youkai, and it wasn't dead.

A youkai that, face down on the ground, looked exactly like a human.

Kasen gagged, expelling no bile, vomiting nothing from the stomach which she didn't have. Even that wasn't human. She chocked and chocked on air and instinct until it subsided, the senseless behavior. Mimicking, had the witch called it? Mimicking was right, mimicking what she wasn't, what she couldn't be, could never be. Cruel, the whole thing.

“Kasen! Kasen, are you all right? What, what do you have? Shit, is it poison? Hang on.”

Marisa's voice lifted her away from the wretched scene, on the ground and inside her head, to look at her companion. The magician was looking down at her belts, hands frantically moving through vials and packet, the dress ruffled and slightly burnt the hem, her skin unbroken.

“Whatever it is I should have the antidote, or an antidote, but it would help me if you told me what kind of pain it is and what it feels like. If you're in too much pain to speak scream, because otherwise i'm going to take it as a sign you can't vocalize, and if you can't do that move your hand or something so I know it's not paralysis. Do that now or i'm going to start forcefeeding you. Also if you're not actually an Oni or you are an Oni and something else or you have some kind of secret related to your biology, or lack thereof, that would help me in not poisoning you harder, say it right now. Or mime it. If you can't do that i'm sorry to say you're getting poisoned.”

Laughter came spontaneously, uproarious, pushing everything else away for a time.

“No, no, I can talk. I'm not poisoned.”

Marisa looked away from her equipment and back into her eyes, a slight smile on the otherwise serious face.

“Well, that's good. Now sit down, I've got to to treat your wound.”

Right, the wound. It was still there, pain steadily pulsating its agony. She could feel the blood trickling down onto her skin. How could she have forgotten about it?

Repulsion took hold of her. She refused to look at it. Her eyes closed.

Kasen laid herself onto the ground, careful to not put any weight on the injured leg. A passing thought complained about the dirt that would get on her clothes before she suppressed it. She heard the magician move next to her and sit down. She felt her delicate hands on her leg, far from the wound, sending shivers down her spine.

“This doesn't look that bad. Now...”

She heard her rummage in her dress and extract something. Maybe several things.

“...say, have you gotten in Reimu's bed yet? How many times?”

“What?!”

Some kind of liquid hit the wound, and acute pain followed. She wrenched her eyelids shut and screamed. The next moment it subsided, anger replacing it shortly after.

“Sorry about that. It hurts like a bitch for a bit, but it works. None of my patients' wounds have gotten infected yet.”.

“What was that about Reimu's bed? And what patients are you taking about? Since when are you a doctor?”

Some fabric rubbed against her skin, accompanied by the magician's hands. Bandages?

“That was to distract you before I applied the mixture, and i'd say it worked. Anyone that tells you what they are going to do before doing it is just trying to increase you suffering. Anticipation and all that. And about the patients, well, have you ever seen me die from an infection?”

The fabric slowly wrapped around her leg, making her wince every time it touched the wound.

“If you've been testing your stuff on yourself i'm surprised you're not dead, period.”

Around and around...

“Yeah, well, who else could I do that with? You've got a master alchemist right here, managed to stay alive while doing that.”

She felt a pull on the bandage, accompanied by a final spike of pain, and then the magician lifted her hands.

“All done. You can open your eyes, it's all covered.”

How did she manage to understand her so well?

“Try to fly or levitate instead of walking, so you don't put weight onto the injury. It's annoying, but it works.”

Kasen lifted herself up from the ground, by flight more than muscle, and was immediately confronted by the witch.

“So, about what you did with that youkai: don't!

I get that it's hard to tell when they are down, anomalous biology and all, but you don't have to beat 'em three quarters and past to death to make sure! They rarely ever play possum, and i'm prepared to deal with it if it happens.”

The hermit fell silent.

She had done that. There was no defense.

But it had just been some wild youkai who had attacked her. Who had been waiting to ambush and eat some poor workers. She hadn't actually done anything morally reprehensible.

Still, she could tell Marisa wouldn't be of the same opinion.

So she just stayed silent, until the magician turned her back to her, to face towards the youkai she'd fought. She hadn't seen her confrontation, nor had she managed to look at any the youkai properly. It laid upon the ground, belly up, with no visible wounds or injuries. It looked human, even in its clothes, clearly made of cheap homespun.

She walked up it, scrutinizing it all over for an incongruity. Arms and legs were of the right lengths and widths, hands, as far as she could examine them without touching, were perfectly regular, and the face... it looked perfectly human, but...

Barely thinking, she lowered her hand and touched it.

It was completely rigid, like a mask. Nose, eyelids, lips, cheeks... the nigh entirety of it. Only a small portion, symmetrical across the mouth, to the sides of it, was soft, likely to permit the mouth to move. It was mimicry, not a reproduction, but it was an excellent one.

Just like her.

Marisa silently walked up to her side. She was back to her regular expression, always tethering on the edge of a smile.

“Well, now is the second part of the whole thing. The one you're going to have to keep secret. Your choice if you want to continue, wound and all.”

She'd already made that choice. Her leg wouldn't get any better, she would have to deal with the pain anyways, and she'd come this far. Might as well see it to its end.

“I can keep secrets, as i'm sure you know.”

“Alright. If anyone asks you, I exterminated these youkai and went home. Now...”

The magician put a hand inside her dress, and when it came out it held two ropes. She smiled.

...how good are you with rope?”

“I'm not.”

“Too bad then, you're just going to have to stand by and watch.”

Marisa kneeled on the hard earth, put a vial to the youkai's mouth for a handful of seconds, put it back on the belt, then began working meticulously with one of the ropes.

She tied the arms together, behind its back, then the legs, tied before and after the knee and the two segments together, bending the legs. Any time she needed to make a cut she pulled out a knife from somewhere on her legs. Where, precisely, she couldn't see. The magician pulled both segments taut, then connected them together with a segment of rope behind the back with plenty of slack.

“That's one.”

Marisa got up.

“How much stuff have you got in that dress?”

“Oh, you know. All of it. Wish for it and it shall appear.”

Still, she didn't smile at her own jest.

She walked up to the other youkai, kneeled, and repeated the process. After a little she started talking.

“You may have asked yourself why I haven't come to the rescue of youkai number two here, why I didn't try my best to treat him medically. Well, I would've done it if I thought I were capable of it, but compression damage done to the chest of a partially unknown youkai, executed with the strength of an oni, is complicated stuff. Anything I could try is as likely to worsen their situation as it is to help it. Luckily we are about to head to the lead expert, but...

I'm telling you now, Kasen, if this one dies, i'm holding you responsible.”

Responsible for what? Responsible for killing one of those? Feel free to hold me responsible, then, because i've done a favor to Gensokyo.

But she didn't say that.

She instead gave voice to one of her other thoughts.

“What? We're heading to Eientei?”

Kasen heard Marisa chuckle.

“Oh, I have no doubts Eirin is the most knowledgeable person in Gensokyo if we're talking about regular, human biology and lunarian medicine, but I wouldn't trust her with a youkai.”

She tied the final knot, got up and turned towards her, a neutral expression on her face.

“No, you'll see where we're going. First, though, i've got to check something.”

She went back to the other one, kneeled again and, before Marisa could ask her what she was doing, brought another vial to its lips.

It started coughing shortly after.

“Ok, check. Can you understand me?”

And then it spoke.

Well, no, it didn't speak. The mouth didn't move, no sound reverberated in the air, but she did hear it, somehow. The most unsettling part of it was that it didn't even have a voice. It just... expressed words, with nothing added. It was unsettling.

“What?”

And Marisa went on as if nothing unusual was happening.

“I understand you. Do you understand me?”

“Yes. What-”

To which she shoved the previous vial in its mouth.

“Alright.”

Kasen was... gobsmacked, frankly, but she stayed silent until she was sure she understood what had happened. Not like the witch was giving her straight answers anyways; she might as well come to her own. In the meantime the magician had gotten up and started walking towards the other youkai.

“Were you checking if it had human intelligence?”

And of course that was the time Marisa gave her her straightest answer yet.

“Nope. It's pretty much impossible to do that, since if a youkai doesn't speak your language, you don't speak theirs, they don't read, they don't write and there's no obvious way to communicate via movement you aren't going to be able to discern that from an interaction like this, and most youkai have human intelligence anyways. Or higher, if you ask them. Plus you usually realize it if it's just an animal.

No, I was checking how easy communication was.

You're not going to ask me about the vials?”

“I can guess.”

“Fair enough.”

Having reached the body she turned towards Kasen.

“Last thing before we go, you're going to have to do some heavy lifting.”

Without waiting for her response she turned back towards the unconscious youkai, grabbed it as it was, belly towards the sky, and lifted it on her shoulders, behind her head, maintaining one hold on the arms and one on the legs, fast enough that the hermit had barely seen how she'd done it. The magician turned back towards her, levitating slightly off the ground.

“This is pretty precarious, since this thing's meant to be done belly down and without any rope in the way, but it works. You grab the other one.”

“Since when am I under you command?”

Still, she turned and did as told.

“Since you started obeying my commands, of course.”

…

Case and point.

Kasen leaned down and grabbed the body. It was... well, she'd never held anyone, youkai or human, in her entire life, nor did the experience figure in any of her memories, but it seemed pretty regular. Maybe more muscular than average, and more than likely a lot slimmer.

She raised it over her head and placed it like Marisa had, the levitation keeping her balanced. She slipped her arm under one of its elbows, while the other grasped a ankle.

“Ready?”

Kasen turned towards her companion.

“Ready.”

Marisa turned in a seemingly random direction.

“Ok then. Follow me.”

The two rose together in flight, and the hermit ventured towards the unknown.

“...

I asked around a bit at some point, you know, out of curiosity, before I first met you. It was a long time ago. I asked a bunch of people how many shrine maidens they had known, and after that how many there had been in their lifetime. And you know what they said?”

“I can guess.”

“The highest number I got for the first was “one”, and everyone gave me a different number for the second. Even between people of the same age. And... I don't actually remember the numbers, but I thought they were all very high.”

“Yup.”

Kasen realized where they were going partly through the flight.

“Myouren temple?”

She was tailing Marisa, positioned directly behind her, so while she could hear her the face wasn't visible. Some part of her thought it was a pity, while another wondered what that even meant.

“Correct.”

Time passed in silence.

“...you're not going to tell me why were heading there?”

Once again, she was sure there was a smile.

“Nope. I think it's best if it remains a surprise. Couple of words of advice though: shut up. More than a couple words of advice, less rude ones, even, stay silent when in doubt. I've got a feeling they wouldn't appreciate what you'd have to say. Tell it all to me later instead, 'cause i'm sure it's going to be a lot.”

Trepidation surged through the hermit.

What was she going to learn, that Marisa expected her to be so disapproving of? Or was there another reason why things would be so?

Keeping her thoughts to herself, Kasen flew in sky.

“...do Hakurei Shrine maidens die often?”

“Hard to say. There's only ever been one shrine maiden in my life, and i'm her.”

“I'm serious, Reimu.”

“So am I. You're better equipped to say that than I am.”

“...but you weren't surprised by what I told you.”

“Can't say I was.”

Marisa waited until they the temple was almost under them before descending in a near plummet, sparing no warning for a startled Kasen, who hurried to follow her.

Her uninjured foot briefly touched the ground, covered by stone tiles, in front of a wooden wall, before she resumed levitating. It was one of the temple's sides. She briefly wondered why they had landed there, instead of the front, before the magician turned towards her, flashing a smile, marred somewhat by the wounded youkai behind it.

“So. What do ya know about the Myouren temple?

“I mean... I know it. It's a buddhist temple ran completely by youkai. It was built not too long ago, remained inactive for a while, and then opened up to the human villagers. Though I don't think they know the nature of those who run it. I've met some of them before, and...”

Well, she had mixed feelings.

“...i agree with some of their views.”

“Only some of them, huh? Still hung up on being an arbitrary taoist?”

“I think you know that's not what i'm talking about.”

Doing as great of a job of ignoring her as usual, Marisa carried on.

“You're counting Byakuren as a youkai then?”

“What, she's not?”

The magician shook her head, face neutral.

“Can't blame you for thinking otherwise though.”

That alarmed her, almost. Given what the nun thought about youkai, that was really strange.

“I assumed-

“It's not my place to explain it to you. It's a personal matter. Just... factor that in when you think about her.”

She would.

Though, if it was a personal matter, how did the witch know about it? Was she lying to her?

Marisa turned to the wall and removed her arm from the youkai's leg, then stopped.

“I'm surprised you noticed the temple's inactive period. Not many did, or they thought it was part of the building period. Opening the temple to the humans... I always thought it was a bad idea, and they used to agree, but then they changed their minds. Nue and Mamizou were handy for that, and they didn't listen to me. I still think it's going to end badly, but... well. They're happy right now, having chosen both sides.”

Kasen was disoriented.

“It's a temple. How could it not open to the villagers? And how come you got a say in how it was run? Or know them that well, for all that matters? And...”

A sinking feeling accompanied her as she ruminated the familiar but inimical terminology

“What do you mean by “chosen both sides”?”

Marisa spoke to the wall.

“Some of it you'll find out shortly, some of it i'll tell you after, and some you'll never know. Now, we've waited long enough. We, specifically I, have got a gravely injured patient on our hands, after all. I think it's so grave it doesn't matter how much we wait, they're either done for or fine, but i've been wrong before.”

Marisa lifted her arm and knocked once on the wooden wall, hard.

And a door that hadn't been there the previous moment opened in front of her.

Behind it stood the mouse youkai - Nizran, was it? -, bearing a slight smile, which wilted at the sight of blood on the unconscious and rotted when she noticed the hermit. A long corridor with many doors unraveled behind her. Before she could say anything, Marisa spoke.

“Hey Nazrin. I've got two deliveries for you, one maybe very urgent. Should be full communication for both, and the rest's standard.”

The youkai visibly suppressed what she'd wanted to say while the magician removed the body from her shoulders and stopped levitating.

“I'll take the urgent one now, and we'll talk later.”

...she really would've liked to see her companion's face then.

“Alright. Always sorry to meet like this.”

The buddhist took the body, carrying it on her arms with no apparent effort, turned and walked down the corridor, shortly disappearing behind an angle.

“Yeah, well, what do you want to do about it.”

They stayed there for some time, still, and just when Kasen opened her mouth to ask about it Marisa spoke.

“Come on, let's go.”

They both entered the temple, Marisa closing the door behind her and then walking forward. She was clearly familiar with the place.
“Follow me.”

“Alright.”

It was a strange day, the hermit thought. But not a particularly objectionable one.

They walked until they reached a door, identical to all the others, in front of which Marisa stopped.
“Give me the youkai.”

She was only glad to be rid of the weight.

“Here it is.”

The magician shot her a glare and took it on her arm, like Nazrin had, almost cradling it.

“They're not an it. Well, unless they say so, but that's another matter. They are a person, not a object.”

The hermit privately disagreed. It wasn't an object, but it wasn't a person either. It was a wild animal.

The memory of it talking flashed into her mind, but she marked it as irrelevant. If it killed humans it didn't deserve to be considered anything more than that.

Marisa opened the door and stepped inside, quickly closing it behind her, only letting Kasen get a quick impression of what was inside. It seemed like a normal room, if small and sparsely furnished, and the magician exited it before she even had time to think about it.

“Ok. I think we can go in the public section of the temple and get Shou.”

By the time she asked the question her companion was already walking away.

“Why? Is Shou important?”

The hermit hurried after her.

“Because I want to see Shou, of course. Who wouldn't?”

The fact that the second question had been ignored didn't escape her.

Kasen let herself be guided through the labyrinthine temple, while Marisa kept talking.

“You know, the good thing about being the avatar of a god is that humans, contrary to youkai, don't really expect you to be out and about, doing actual work, because you're all holy to them, while youkai tend to just go “yeah, and...?” and you've got to actually put effort in gathering faith, especially if they know you're a tiger youkai. Well, the humans don't, and they are content with Shou just sitting there in a room and listening to their prayers, sometimes has to say something all religious like, don't ask me what and when, 'never been the type, sometimes actually has to do stuff, but it's mostly just nothing. Which means that if she just closes the door, or leaves it open for them to see she'd not there, makes for a real great disappearance trick, she can go out and actually do stuff, which is great because there's not actually many hands around the temple. Can't always do that, of course, most of the time she's gotta be there, but only most of the time, 'cause what do the villagers know what a god's representative, nay, incarnation, has to do with their time? That's right, they don't, and they don't have problems with that remaining the case. And truth be told neither do we.”

“You're really blasphemous, you know that?”

She knew she was smiling. She just knew. It irritated her as much as it comforted her.

“Oh shut it Kasen, you know about as much as I do about religion. Actually i'd wager it's less. I still can't believe you didn't know being a hermit was connected to taoism. Bit of a breach in your cover, that, wasn't it?”

Yeah, well, it was because it didn't have anything to do wit taoism. Not to her, nor to the one who had taught her.

She rarely ever thought about her those days. It felt like a betrayal, but it was inevitable. Even tough she'd left imprints on her entire life. The only reason why she had become an hermit.

Marisa stopped in front of a wall, scaring away those thoughts. She put an ear to the wall, nodded to herself, and pushed, making another previously absent door appear.

The room was small, though not cramped, and mostly dark, the only light seeping from several narrow openings on the left wall, equipped with steep slanted coverings as to prevent anyone from looking in from the outside (and compliments to the builders for the wisdom in sparing the residents the costly candlelight, at least in the bright hours of the day) and a raised platform, upon which laid a chair and a surprised Shou To... Tosomething. Opposed from the wall they'd opened was another entry, a completely visible ordinary door.

Kasen saw her immediately run to it and close it, before running to an upright and no longer surprised Shou, stepping onto the platform and hugging her. Evidently it was a relatively ordinary event, because she hugged her back, a smile on her face.

Arms still around her, Marisa spoke.

“Hey Shou! Happy to see you.”

“As I am, as always.”

“Say, is today a disappearance day or an unavailability day?”

“Disappearance, i'd say.”

The magician removed her arms from around her and stepped down. From her position outside Kasen could see her smiling. Always the same smile, no matter the situation. But it couldn't be always the same, truly, could it?

“Well, before you are whisked away for your mystical and no doubt sacred activities outside of the public eye I have to warn you I have brought a guest, who is right outside this room at this very moment and is presently looking at us.”

Shou stepped down as well, moving to Marisa's side, while her eyes moved to observe Kasen.

“And who might they be?”

“Kasen, the heretical hermit.”

Said hermit laughed, despite herself. She understood that Marisa had to be explicit about her not being a spy for the other temple, but was that really the best way to do it?

“I'm not sure we've ever met.”

“I'm fairly sure you haven't”

“Go and get acquainted, i'll arrange the disappearance.”

“Sure.”

The tiger youkai walked towards her and exited from the room, while the magician disappeared from her sight.

They hadn't met before, Kasen was sure of it. Maybe because they'd had nothing to say to each other. They looked at one another, circumspect.

She was tall, slightly taller than her, something that rarely ever happened.

Her yellow black hair was striking, but no other aspect of her appearance signaled her animalistic nature, strangely. Maybe she was hiding her tail, or even her ears somehow.

She wore a white robe, adequate to one of her clerical status, decorated by a striped band and embroidered with some symbols she didn't recognize. A strange object, a glass sphere with a wooden roof on top and stones under, hung from a rope around her neck.

Shou was the first to break the silence, in a very different tone than what she'd used with Marisa. One only couple of shades away from hostility.

“Why did Marisa bring you here?”

Two could play at the game.

“Hell if I know. She's yet to tell me. You could ask her, but I somehow think she won't give you the answer either.”

She chuckled.

“Yeah, that sounds like Marisa, even if you're wrong on the last part. What I really want to know, though, is why she trusts you so much. Especially since she's never mentioned you to any of us before. I'm going to trust her judgment, but...”

The words trailed off.

…

Come to think of it, why did she?

This entire affair, the fact she didn't actually exterminate youkai, them being brought to the temple to be healed... or something else, now that she thought of it, since otherwise why had they brought the other youkai with them?

Well, whatever it was, it wasn't public knowledge. Then why-

Marisa opened the wall-door, smiling lightly, closed it behind her and waltzed between them, severing her train of thought.

“Done.

Getting to the serious part, Shou, i've just brought two. One's gravely injured, currently in Nazrin's care, and i've put the other the fourth room. They are pretty ordinary, they can talk, I used the oral compound, should be no trouble, but i'm not sure how long it's gonna take them to work through it. Someone should wait in the room, in case they wake up early.”

And Shou resumed her previous tone. Funny, that.

“They're a kind you don't know? Hasn't happened in a long time.”

“Kind of. Some variation of human-girl-mimic, likely carnivore, maybe anthropophage. The way they are makes me think they aren't of the “ambush in a dark room” kind, more of the “encounter them on the road, looks perfectly normal for a handful of breaths until your neck's got a hole in it” kind. Makes me think that it's not normal behavior, that they were pushed to this. They are going to be more than ravenous when they wake up, and I think they were approaching paralysis. Point is, better safe than sorry.”

The conversation followed a path familiar to both of them, excluding her. It bothered her, even though it really shouldn't have. Really, why had Marisa brought her there?

“Got it. Murasa's out, as is Mamizou, Kyoko and Byakuren are doing temple work and Nue's unaccounted and unaccountable. Ichirin's in the kitchen, and given that we have two new guests and midday's approaching she definitely needs your help if i'm going to go wait on that youkai. On that front, the number of meals we give out each day is still increasing, slow but steady as usual, which... well, you know how I feel about that.”

They just talked, and talked, barely changing expression or moving at all.

“Good, heavy, and frightening. Well, about the weight...

And then a snap of movement and sound.

“Look Kasen, a three headed youkai!”

She turned her head, looking down the corridor

she heard something going through the air, a flicker at the edge of her vision, fast movement against cloth

and of course there was nothing

she turned back

and there was nothing to see, Marisa and Shou facing each other like nothing had happened.

“...i can handle it as usual, you know.”

Annoyance rose within her, tinged with anger. The hermit stopped herself from saying anything, knowing it would be useless. Besides, she felt she was finally piecing something together. Given the number of doors they'd passed, each of which likely hid a room like the one she had seen, the temple housed more youkai than the ones that worked in it, and not just because they were Marisa's victims. But if they all were as small as the distance between them hinted there were many, many rooms, and given that she'd never heard of any particular youkai that was not known to work or live there going to and from the temple, nor of any high number of them, they were clearly good at hiding their tracks. Or maybe those youkai didn't move at all. Maybe they were all kept sedated. Marisa had talked about the temple initially not being meant to be open to the villagers, and the temple eventually coming to play “both sides”. So it was initially meant to play the youkai's. And they'd talked about an increasing number of meals.

It all came down to one conclusion. Many youkai lived in the Myouren temple, many more than anyone else thought. Part of them were recruited through Marisa's kidnappings, which served that purpose. They were creating a shadow faction of youkai, for... something. A power grab, an invasion, an assault on a specific enemy, an real incident, anything.

Fear gripped her mind, but she forced herself to stay still and think.

So why was she there?

To be recruited.

Rebukes swarmed her, about why she had ever trusted the witch, about how she had been a damn fool, melancholy and betrayal accompanying them, but she forced herself to focus on a single purpose. The rest could come later.

She had to get out before they could stop her.

The two were completely absorbed in conversation, heedless of her. Perfect.

Kasen threw herself away, following the path Marisa had previously guided her down, running as fast as she could, shoved onward by abject fear. She heard them say something, scream maybe, now far behind her, but she didn't understand what. Nor did she attempt to. Thoughts were unnecessary, being elsewhere was vital. Her footsteps slammed on the wooden flooring, booming in her ears. In a handful of moments she was in front of a wall, then outside, and the next flying in the sky, towards home.

“...i still can't ask you about how you got the job, ri-”

“Nope. Not that, not about my parents, nor most of everything about my job.

Though i'm you're smart enough to figure that part out, Marisa. You don't need me to give you the answer.”

Kasen stood inside her house, next to the door.. Going about her daily tasks, caring for her animals or even just sitting seemed impossible, unacceptable, like there was something else she should've been doing, something about what she knew, but she could think of nothing, nothing she could do, beside maybe tell Yukari, and to hell with that, but...

On and on, spinning in circles.

So she stood.

Until then she heard something hit the hard earth outside.

Someone.

Followed by angry screaming.

“Hey! Kasen! You still haven't moved this place, and I haven't forgotten where it is! Also, what the fuck!”

Panic assaulted her for a moment, until reason suppressed it.

True, she had forgotten to make sure Marisa couldn't reach her, the precaution swallowed by her fear, but she was home. The balance of power had flipped, and Marisa was now in her territory. One that harbored multiple tamed wild animals, in particular a tiger which had proven particularly effective before.

What harm was there in giving the witch a piece of her mind?

None. Well, certainly not to her.

She slammed the door open, revealing a startled Marisa who had been walking towards it.

“Stay out. If you want to talk, we'll talk like this.

The witch stilled. She had the gall to look flabbergasted.

“What's with you? You ran away out of nowhere, nearly tore out the hidden door, and now this?”

She really was good at acting. Pretend smiles, pretend surprise, pretend friendliness, pretend truth. It only served incense her, lighting aflame her resentment and restlessness, filling the hole left by terror with heat and acrid smoke.

Kasen sharpened her voice and struck.

“I realized what you people are doing. It's very smart, using a buddhist temple to avoid attention while you build an army of wild youkai behind everyone's back. Are you kidnapping them to keep them drugged until they're all unleashed, or is it just a particularly hands on recruitment method?

Well, you won't be assimilating me into your little cult, and i'm not giving you the opportunity to kidnap me. You thought you could force me to join because you knew my secret? Because I am an oni? If that was why you were so interested in me all of a sudden i'm afraid I must disappoint you.

Tell everyone what I am, if you like. I won't cede to blackmail. I'll just relocate this place, be a solitary hermit nobody knows like i've been all these years, and you will never see me again. And don't think you can silence me, either. You won't get away with what you are doing. I won't let you.

You've proven to be just as horrible as i've always thought, and I never want to see you again. Now go away, before I order my tiger to finish the job.“

Marisa looked stunned. She only looked so, of course, the deceitful motherfucker. How much practice had gotten into producing an expression that seemed so genuine?

…

It did last long, though. She was really stretching the act.

…

Really stretching it.

...

And then the magician found herself, roared with anger and exploded in a gesticulating jitter of movement.

“It's a fucking charity, Kasen! I don't- We don't-

I don't “”””kidnap”””” them to keep them locked up or whatever, I do it because otherwise people would notice that they aren't being exterminated, and also because they fucking need food! You know, the reason they do that stuff in the first place! They are free to get out the moment they wake up, and they do! Kyoko's the only one who's ever remained!

Yes, there are a fuck ton of rooms, that's because there are a fuck ton of different youkai that require something more complicated than a normal bed! What, should we have underbuilt just so when some idiot comes and makes assumptions without thinking for one shred of a moment they wouldn't have any problem?

You know why it's a fucking buddhist temple? Because they are all fucking buddhists who want to do buddhism! What the hell kind of cover would something that is visited by human villagers on the daily be? And have you the littlest ideas how much food feeding that many youkai would require? Or how much compound to keep them all sedated? And- And-

I really don't know why i'm going on about logistics, really, when the simple truth is that we aren't fucking doing that, and we never would!

It's a charity! That's all it is! We feed any youkai that comes asking for a meal, we heal and give shelter to those that ask for it, and that's it! We are fighting a crisis alone, and you, someone who apparently doesn't know shit about their own kind, and doesn't give it either, comes and accuse me, accuses us, of having some kind of scheme to cause a real incident? Don't you think Yukari would've torn a hole through us already if it were so? Or what, am I magically hiding fifty youkai under my hat?

I don't give a shit about you being an oni! I never did, and I never will! What I did care about was you being someone that went and did what you thought was right, even while being dramatically wrong about what “right” was! I cared about you being you!

You want to know why I brought you to the temple, risking everything?

I hoped you would help, sure, but that wasn't the main reason.

I needed an actual ally. One whose murders I don't have to think about.

And now I have ruined everything i've been working towards, what we, the entirety of Myouren, have been working towards, just because you've decided to be stupid.

Tell Yukari, for all I care. There's no way she doesn't already know, and she hasn't stopped us yet. She's just going to fake a laugh and accompany it with a false smile before disappearing through a gap.

Tell Reimu, and she's going to consider destroying it all and killing most of us part of her duty. And that's if you tell her it's a charity.

Tell the villagers, or anyone who would tell them, and history is going to repeat. The temple's going to be destroyed, and everyone inside is going to be exterminated.

It's your choice.

Just keep in mind what decision you are actually making.”

Her voice had lost strength towards the end, giving way to a bare pragmatism, raw as flesh was raw. The witch had assumed a determined expression, and was looking at her straight in the eyes.

Rage drained away from Kasen like water from soil, slowly and leaving a trace, but nonetheless leaving her empty.

Her arguments... made sense. It left her dismayed to realize it. Her assumption had been a leap in logic, based on the rest of her assumptions, and not anything concrete. A youkai shadow faction? It didn't really make sense. The idea of a charity was also something incredible, something she would have to carefully think about later, but definitely not as absurd as that.

And worst of all the magician's reaction had seemed genuine, heartfelt, in a way that couldn't be faked. Maybe she was being naive...

...or maybe she had simply been wrong, and had almost made someone else pay for it.

Shivers coursed through her.

Marisa, heedless of her thoughts, hardened her gaze. She put an hand to her leg-pouch and another on one of the vials. The threat in her stance was clear.

“I'm not going away. We are going to come to a decision. And if you try to kill me, or any of those I love, be it by your hand or by your word, I will kill you. Choices have consequences. I will let anyone freely make their own. And then I will make mine, because there are some things I just can't accept.”

Looking at her, she could believe she would do it.

Nor could she really blame her, set it aside as a characteristic bout of malice. She could hardly tell the magician's character anymore. Best she could do was concede her ignorance, for once in her life.

Kasen set herself aside in the entryway

“Wanna come in and talk?”

Marisa sighed, taking her hands off the weaponry.

She looked pretty empty herself. Almost deflated.

“It's all I ever wanted.”

“...”

“Well, you've got time. I'll talk with you until you figure it out. And ever after that.

Just... when you do, don't tell me. I wouldn't be able to confirm it anyways.”

In the end they always ended up there. Facing each other at a bare table. Never actually looking at it, nor at anything surrounding it. Only at each other.

Marisa slouched on the chair, legs wide, arms crossed, head over the ridge of the seat so that her face laid oblique. Her hat sat onto it, slanted, almost threatening to cover her countenance. Eyes flashed from under it, fixated onto her, their attentiveness a stark contrast to the posture. Her amber hair hanged in the air behind the seat's back, with the exception of her signature braid, which laid from the side of her neck towards her chest.

Kasen leaned half forward, caught between her thoughts. Plainly said, she felt like shit, shaken by the day's events, a weight pressing on her chest. She didn't know where to start.

There was so much to ask about, too much, too many snags and knots in the mad tangle the magician had weaved.

And yet she was willing to believe it to be the truth.

She grabbed at a string at random, tore it loose and brought it into coherent thought, but the instant she opened her mouth Marisa spoke. Her voice was wry but regretful. The witch didn't move to face her interlocutor, staying immobile. The hermit could barely read her countenance. Maybe that was why she had assumed that pose. Maybe it

had been a coincidence.

“I'm sorry.

I was kind of... fucking with you, I guess. It was an easy opportunity, I kind of wanted to get back at you for... certain things...

I mean, I never lied or anything, I did all of today for an actual reason, but...

It was pretty immature of me, I'll admit it. And stupid, and insensitive, and whatever else you want to add onto that. I'll trust your imagination in the regard.

But that doesn't mean what I said isn't true. I want you was my ally. I need you.
Look, i can't promise i'll be more honest, cause i've already been that, but I can say i'll tell you if I can't respond you something, straight up, and what I do tell you will keep being the truth. That system's always worked great.

And...”

The wryness piled on.

“You don't threaten anyone I love in exchange. Even if you choose to never talk me again after this. The penalty for breach of contract is death.”

A part of it disappeared, replaced by a goodly helping of bitterness.

“Seems like a fair trade?”

The string fell through Kasen's stunned hands.

The apology was a stark surprise, albeit welcome.

Her first thought was that it was uncharacteristic, but... she really had to let go of that old scarecrow, at least until she built a more realistic one.

Marisa was like this. What “this” was she could think about later, but for the moment that would suffice.

Still, she still wanted to poke fun at it.

“Yeah, well, it was par for the course. What else could I expect, going along with the wicked witch of the woods?”

The magician showed a wide grin at that, but it was mixed with sorrow. Her voice was almost exclusively bitter now.

“Yup. That's me.”
Another behavior she couldn't explain. At least she had gotten better at reading her smiles... or maybe just more delusional.

Her thoughts fluttered to how she'd threatened to kill her, almost jokingly. It should have disturbed her more, but... well. She couldn't say she hadn't deserved it.

A part of her mind gnawed at her, affirming that she'd been fooled, twice, by simple words. That they would deal with her as soon as she dropped her guard, just like-

She stopped her thoughts from going down that trail. It didn't lead anywhere good, and it was a familiar one anyways. The scenery had gotten boring, while the greenery's thorns hadn't dulled.

She would exercise caution and stay alert for warning signals. As it was, she had more reason to believe Marisa than not. Besides, the witch's threats didn't have that much weight to them.

And it was very tempting to hold that fact over her.

“Plus, doesn't your threat to kill me kind of vanish as soon as you exit this realm? I can just move its placement, and you won't be able to find me to enact your revenge. You haven't really thought it out, have you?”

The magician grimaced, her voice less bitter but still wry.

“Sorry to... move the conversation back again, i guess, but it's very important that I clarify this point. Lives are kind of riding on it, you know.

Don't think I couldn't find this place again if I wanted to. It doesn't matter how many years of wandering through the forest it takes me, I only have to succeed once. Besides, I know you get provisions in the village. Maybe you can last forever without food thanks to some mystical hermit power, but i'm sure your animals can't. Where I can spot you I can also kill you.

As to why i'm telling you all this...

Mutually assured destruction, I think they call it. I'm told it's very effective. Problem is, it doesn't really work unless both parties are fully convinced they can be destroyed, and that the other will do so if given reason.

You called it revenge, but it's not that. It's self preservation. You haven't really given me much choice in the matter.”

She spoke the threat without malice, almost like it was a trifle of a matter. Like they weren't speaking of life and death.

Kasen filed the matter away for later, together with many others. Maybe she wouldn't have to worry about the matter at all, or maybe she would have to find a way around the problem or even pay the price, but as long as she had no idea what to do it was useless to think about.

Of course knowing that was a different matter from enacting it. The weight on her chest increased.

Marisa broke the silence she hadn't even realized was hanging over their heads.

“Look, don't let it get you down. It's a precaution, and certainly don't want it to ever matter.

Besides, do we really want to spend the rest of our time threatening each other? I actually wanted to talk to you, you know, even beyond any questions you might have. And I bet you do have 'em, so get them out.”

Right. Questions.

Kasen tore another string lose and verbalized it without thought, straight as she had first formed it.

“I know they kill humans. The ones at Myouren temple. Knowing that... how can they be your friends? How can they be “the ones you love”, how can you protect them like this?

The magician lowered her hat, hiding her face completely. She sighed.

“That... That. That is correct. At least one of them does, or at least one hasn't been smart enough to hide it from me. And yet they are good people, and i've grown to love them just the same. That's the paradox I live in.

I've asked myself that question, you know. Multiple times.

I guess I needed them, so I approached and stayed near them, and as time passed it became genuine.”

She muttered something, probably not intending it to be heard by her.

“That's how all my relationships go, anyways. Par for the course, you said? That's how it is with wicked witches. Welcome on.”

But oni have pretty good hearing.

Before Kasen could process what she had just heard Marisa sighed again.

“So I love them. I do. I haven't found any way way to make her stop her murders that isn't extermination, and i'm not going to do that. So I go on.

I haven't got any satisfying explanations for you, Kasen. I've only got reality.”

The magician removed her hat, holding it with her right hand, and faced the hermit for the first time in the conversation.

She wasn't smiling.

Hard to say how to feel about that.

A pit in her stomach joined the weight, making the decision for her.

“How's that for honesty?”

…

It sure was.

The magician's morality had never really been a question for her, not until recently, simply because she had thought she had none. No use preaching to the deaf, the dead and the soulless. But there was clearly something there. An attempt, at the very least. Maybe just something so alien that she hadn't recognized it.

But it was there, and it was...

Hard to say. Pretty bad, mostly. But it undeniably was, even if was heavily camouflaged.

So there was reality.

“You've accepted it then.”

Marisa shuddered, jolting her out of her thoughts. She lifted her head her hat back in front of her face, hiding it.

“Don't say that. Never say that.”

Silence hanged over them.

“Just ask the next question. Please.”

Next... next...

“The crisis. You said you are fighting a crisis alone.”

Marisa breathed a sigh of relief and put the hat back on her head, leaning forward to look at Kasen in the eyes, arms crossed on the table supporting her weight.

“Right. That ties in with what I wanted to talk you about today, actually, whole mess aside, so i'm going to be asking you a question first.

What do you think Reimu's job is?”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“It has to do with everything.”

“Well, she's the Hakurei shrine maiden.”

“Right. But what does that mean?”

What a strange question. It was obvious, wasn't it?

“She's a shrine maiden. She has to care for the shrine, honor her god, do all of the related duties. And... she's a counterweight, of sorts. She's meant to help humans, be on their side, exterminate the youkai who harm them.”

And she's almost essential to the integrity of the barrier. But she didn't say that.

The magician shook her head.

“And there you have it. People don't really get what Reimu's job is, you know, and she's the one keeping it so. But you, of all of them, should really know what you're doing when you're telling her to not be lazy and do her duty.

She's... well. It's hard to explain, because it's hard to define, and i'd wager it's never really been. I'm fairly sure she herself doesn't fully know, and has to just... hazard guesses and act like she's fully in her right. And it's not something that is told around either. You just have to deduce it best you can. I know i'm not really helping my case saying that, but you know. Honesty.

Well. Her duty is to enforce Gensokyo's rules, which i'm going to assume you know at least vaguely about, keep the balance the best she can, make sure everything always stays the same, especially regarding the human village, and essentially always remaining disposable. When she was young she was really serious about it, you know. Especially the village part. Really acted like she was what you now think she is. Later realized it's a mugger's game, and became much more fun to be around as a result. But she's still... locked in it. It's not a job you can leave, not alive.

She's not on the human's side, and she's certainly not on the youkai's. If the name means anything to you, she's on Yukari's. Or on Gensokyo's if you prefer. Hasn't been given much of a choice in the matter.”

Her voice flared, becoming incensed, contrasting with how flat it had been.

“So what the fuck are you trying to do, telling her not to be lazy? She never is, not on her real job, but that's not my point. You thought her duty was exterminating the youkai that harm humans. That's pretty much all of them. You're a youkai. What's your game, acting so high and mighty? What do you think you are doing?”

Kasen pursed her lips.

“The right thing.”

As opposed to you.

“Yeah, I can believe that's what you think! That's the problem! What you are doing is at best useless, and at the worst will result in disaster. I've tried to understand you, you know. You want every youkai to act like a human, to be a human, and they can't do that, because they are youkai, not humans. Maybe you can do it, and that's right for you, and good for you, but it doesn't mean it's true for everyone else. And it especially doesn't mean they should die because of that. Besides, i'm pretty sure Gensokyo would stop existing the instant it happened.”

That really drove the hermit into ire. Maybe Marisa had a shred of morality in her, but it was as black as her soul, and it certainly didn't give her license to act superior to her.

“I have no intention to be lectured by someone that seems to be fine with murder!”

The witch responded in kind, half yelling, wringing her hands together.

“That problem is that you are too! And I don't even mean the death of those youkai, because I now know you don't give a fuck about them! I mean the humans! You're here, talking to me, scorning me for being friends with a murderer, but it's not like staying away her does anything about the murders either, does it? You haven't gone and exterminated her, you haven't stained your pretty hands with that act. Sure, you'd act all happy if somebody else did that, maybe even complement them for doing the right thing, but you wouldn't. You're clinging to some moral highground without anything to show for it. You're fine with them dying, and you're fine with those eaten by the others, and those sent in from the outside world too, because you're here sitting on your ass! You just pretend you aren't!”

The hermit retaliated, wounded, roaring, standing up, palms on the table, Marisa's eyes penetrating hers.

“You aren't any better! You can mouth off at me all you want, but you aren't doing anything either!”

The magician leaned back into her seat, eyes still fixed onto hers, voice calmer but still smoldering.

“But I am. I'm preventing youkai from being exterminated, taking that job away from Reimu. I'm funding a charity almost alone, and i'm fighting a crisis with it, and we are the only ones that are. I'd say you must have seen them, since you live in the forest, but you are so distanced from you kind and from reality that I can't be sure. The starving youkai.”

And now she was spouting nonsense.

“What starving youkai?”

Marisa closed her eyes and smiled for a moment.

“This would be really funny, Kasen, if you weren't serious. The ones that, in the most extreme cases, are littered on the forest floor. The ones that can't help but push themselves farther and farther, and inevitably end up towards the village, the fields, the river or the mines. The ones that are an incredible amount of youkai, since the food shortage has been going on for years. Those ones. The ones you wouldn't give a fuck about even if you knew of them, but i'm still desperate enough to try and hope.”

A memory flashed into Kasen's mind. Something Yukari had said That Day.

“After all, it's not like Gensokyo's got enough food for all the youkai here, isn't it?”

Now it finally made sense.

Marisa looked at her crookedly, and she realized she had said it out loud.

“That's correct, clearly, and it's something we're trying to remedy at the temple. The food's there, it's just on the human side. Anyone that comes can ask for a meal, at any time. It's... you know. Actually doing something. And it works.”

Kasen calmed down, almost beside herself, in front of the absurdity that was being put in front of her. Overwhelmed, was what she was, scattered away in any direction her mind went. Pushing the conversation onward felt easier than thinking.

“So you just let human eating youkai go on with their day? You let them indulge in it?”

“What's the alternative? It wouldn't be saving youkai if I exterminated them, would it? Besides, if they have no reason to attack they won't.”

At this point she sounded more annoyed than anything.

“So if they weren't starving youkai would stop killing humans? Is that what you think?”

The witch shook her head again.

“Nope. I've never said that.”

“You could exterminate them, you know. They're barely more than animals.”

“They clearly aren't. What's your problem, Kasen?”

“My problem is that you seem perfectly fine with the death of those humans. I mean, do you seriously understand... this? The whole thing? What you're doing?”

“Sure. How couldn't I? I mean, i've been going at it for years.”

“But-”

“Face it. We both know the same things, have access to about the same information, and we've come to different conclusion. And yet still here we are. Just accept it how it is.”

“But I just don't understand you!”

“Dunno what to tell you.”

Marisa looked away, examining something that wasn't there.

“I think... this has already happened before. Somehow.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Just a feeling.”

But she shortly resumed looking at the hermit in the eyes.

“Being honest, Kasen, I don't understand you either.

Your problem is that you are perfectly fine with almost every youkai beside you dying, and you aren't doing anything for the humans either.

I can't believe i'm asking you, an oni, this, but you know how youkai are, right? As long as they exist, they will kill humans. That's how it works. Even if you could convince every human to be afraid of them without bloodshed they would need to uphold their existence. Not every youkai can be like you, Kasen, not without making them all disappear, together with Gensokyo.”

Unspoken within that was something more. “As long as Gensokyo exists, humans will continue to die at the hand of the supernatural.” How could Marisa say, then, that she hadn't accepted it?

She continued to speak, unaware of her thoughts.

“That's why I wanted to talk to you. That's why I thought you could be my ally. Because you wanted to do what was right all the while having all the wrong information. So you could know what was actually happening, so you could decide if you wanted to help us make a difference or remain stuck in your old ways. I've always believed in people making decisions for themselves. But if your policy is “every youkai that harms humans should die” I believe i'm wasting my time. I thought better of you.”

It hurt. It really shouldn't have.

The words fell out of her mouth, fumbled in the angry rush to find a reply, a late response to shortly bygone words.

“That's why we've got to destroy Gensokyo.”

Marisa jolted upright at that.

“Ok, what the fuck. What did Akyuu tell you?”

The reaction was similarly maladroit, as Kasen, taken by surprise by the magician's words, bolted upright too, a fierce stab of pain from the wound accompanying the sudden movement and making her stagger.

“What do you know about Akyuu?!”

Her companions looked at her up and down, circumspect.

“Less than you, i'd wager.”

It was just too much. The entire thing. Too much. She was thirsty, hungry, and desperately needed some time to think. Hell, she hadn't even begun to process half of the new information Marisa had given her, caught up as she had been in the conversation. She had to do that, had to not fuck it up. Her mind buzzed with doubts, thoughts, needs, ideas, each and every one of them that she couldn't examine in front of the witch. Maybe she would end up agreeing with her. She never would. But it was possible. But it wasn't and would never been.

The hermit turned her back to the magician and began walking away.

“I need some time to think. Stay here.”

“Sure. Just make sure to come back.”

She could hear her her smile. Just another piece of confusion.

“I will.”

“...”

“...”
“Do you really think it's pointless?”

“Yeah.”

“...”

“...”

“Good.”

You must never be like those fools. You must never give up, you must never let go. Be it with your arms or with your teeth, hold on to your ideas. Above all, you must never accept things as they are. Writhe in your bed, never resting, tear your your skin with your finger nails and the flesh after that, let the blood flow free, throw your head onto anything that is standing, and slam it onto the floor when nothing's left, break each and every one of your fingers, simple because they are intact, grasp your throat with both hands and constrict it until you choke and cough and vomit and can never shake off how it felt, knowing things aren't fine as they are, knowing you can't be fine, knowing you never will be fine.

Otherwise, what did I do any of this for?

Chapter Text

It's just another day. It's just another day.

You are alive. You are human. You cannot dream. You dream every night. You can never remember your dreams. You never dream. It isn't you who dreams your dreams. You dream your dreams, by definition, otherwise they wouldn't be your dreams. You are awake every hour of every day. You sleep every night. You sleep every night. You are always you, by definition. You never sleep. You are not you several hours every day.

You are alive. You are alive.

The whole thing's very funny, you're sure.

It's twenty-six past three. It's twenty-six past three, and you are alive.

You are not human. You are human, of course.

One two three. onetwothree. onetwothreeonetwothreeonetwothreeonetwothreeone

There's someone here. There's someone here who's alive.
You should go to sleep. You don't want to got to sleep. But it's really only a matter of when. Better early and on your own terms than late. You know that. So good luck.

There's a joke in there somewhere. “You should go to sleep”. “You”.

You can never rest.

One sleeps perfectly well, and fat lot that does for you, and the other can't fall asleep. 'tried anything short of suffucation.

You can never stop being actively conscious.
You're pretty sure you've read some horror story to the tune of that at some point.

Sometimes you wonder if your brain is going to explode one of these days. Even then, there's still the question of “which one?”.

Ugh. You should get off this whole train of thought, and actually go and try to sleep.

It's not even that bad most of the time. Almost all the time. You deal pretty damn well. You have fun. It's just... times like these. Hours like these. Every so often. Increasingly often.

...

How do you know, anyways? How do you know you're the same person that went to sleep?

Because you know for certain that, in many ways, you aren't. So what about the rest?
…
One two three. One two three.

Do something. Follow the next step, and then intertia. Go make yourself something to eat. It's 3AM. Doesn't matter. Go eat.

Walk. You're walking. Good. Go foward. Go on.

You've talked to Ichrin, once.

You have countless times, really, but it's the one time that matters.

It's not like you didn't suspect it was a possibility before, it made too much sense, but...

Ever since, you've wondered when it will happen.

You don't know if it'll feel any different. You don't know if you'll even notice it.

The worst part is how it doesn't depend from you. Lest of just throwing everything away, random chance. Roll a die, every day. See if you're lucky, still.

It's part of why you repeat that so often. “ordinary human magician”. True enough for now.

And so you wonder, because there's nothing else you can do about it.

How long will it take for them to discard those epithets and make you what they see?

How long until they look at you, give you immortality and condemn you to death?

…

No matter. For now, you're alive. You'll manage to keep that up. Worst case, you could probably convince Reimu that as long as they're the ones who tranformed you, you hardly counted as a human in the first place.

You're alive, you'll be alive. You'll manage.