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Harry should have known better.
Granted, he did; Liam had told him so. His friend’s words rang out in his ears, playing over and over like some tormenting record of the bliss of hindsight.
“She loves school. More than me, I think,” Liam had laughed. “She’s gonna try to get out of comin’ home. If she’s tired, just don’t bother with even sendin’ her, maybe? It’s only one day, and Cheltenham’s so good about Littles; they’ll understand we’re halfway through the handover. Just play it by ear, yeah?”
Harry wishes he had Liam here, now, as he stands in front of this receptionist who is looking at him with an all-too-familiar pity.
He didn’t want to push the girl too far, too fast, is all.
He had almost pulled the pin on school altogether that morning, truly, watching her spoon cereal into her yawning mouth.
She’d done remarkably well, for a first night at their place. Had only woken once, calling for her brother with the most heart-wrenching cry Harry had almost followed her request and bundled her into the car to take her right back to him.
Instead, a mere two minutes of cradling against his chest and a consistent, shushing lullaby had lulled her back to sleep. It was there she remained for the rest of the night; nestled over Harry in the baby pink twin like it was right where she had always belonged.
Watching her sit beside his partner, eyes bright and alert, near bouncing in her seat at the anticipation of returning to a normal part of her life, Harry just didn’t have the heart to say no. Not when he could see the smile peeking onto her face as the man beside her questioned her about her classes. So enthralled in her answers, she didn’t even seem to notice Harry’s approach, his grasp gentle as he took her hands into his and wiped the honey from her fingertips.
They were bound to crash at some point.
“Ellie Payne, please report to student services. Thank you.”
He has to swallow a wince at the words which ring out across the PA system. He waits to brace himself for the oncoming storm.
Well; as much of a storm as an upset, most possibly embarrassed little girl could be.
He checks his phone, holding in a sigh as he scrolls through the mass of text messages he had left the girl- and not a single reply to be found.
Just like Liam had said.
“She shouldn’t be long. Her class is only around five minutes from here.”
The woman pulls away from the microphone, addressing him once more.
Harry nods, face pulling into something he hopes resembles a smile as the university receptionist meets his eye.
“So,” the woman- Macy, he thinks, though he hadn’t really been paying much attention- begins, “You’re going to be Ellie’s caregiver?”
“Yeah. Yep,” Harry says.
“That’s nice, isn’t it?” Macy hums, a smile filtering through the inquisitiveness. “You and your… partner? Mister… Zayn Malik?” She muses, flicking through a manila folder with Ellie’s name printed on the front.
“That’s the one,” Harry grunts.
She pauses, brows furrowed as she scans the pages in front of her.
“We’ll have to get your takeover documents in as soon as possible, Mister Styles. We haven’t received anything-“
“Oh!” Harry jumps in, palms outstretched, “No, I’m- We’ve not fully taken over, yet. You’ll have to ask Li- he’ll know about all- all that,” Harry manages.
Harry shoves his palms into one another, yanking himself out of his over-enthused gesticulating.
“Right!” Macy says. She leans back, face turning calm as if he’d just told her the answer to life’s burning questions. “Of course, no wonder we don’t have any documents yet,” Macy laughs. “I was starting to get worried when I couldn’t find anything. Of course, they could have been lost in the system error; we’ve had such trouble with getting online these past couple days.”
Harry nods along, praying Ellie will show up quick enough that he can get out of this conversation unscathed.
The receptionist pauses, hands pressing the folder back into the table.
“So,” Macy begins- she seems to be good at that-, “Trial period going well? Getting all settled, then?”
Pry, much?
“Fine,” Harry says. He purses his mouth. Macy stares, bright eyed, expectant.
“I’m friends with her brother,” Harry offers, stiffly, “Me and my partner, we’ve known ‘em both a while.”
“Oh, that’s nice, isn’t it?” The receptionist smiles, an easy thing, like she’s sharing a moment with Harry. “When the handover happens with people they already know. Really helps everyone settle in well. But especially the Little, hey?”
Harry agrees. He doesn’t say anything.
“Well,” Macy hums, “You be sure to let us know when the change over is official, and we can get started on some real paperwork, yeah?”
Real.
Harry sniffs. He smiles, again, to refrain himself from the urge to roll his eyes.
Harry wishes she would just shut up.
His irritation at this prying stranger all but disappears as he spies Ellie rounding the corner.
Light wash jeans and big sneakers and a thick, white, woollen sweater thrown over her body, even a matching beanie pulled right down over her ears. She looks all the same as she did when he’d dropped her off that morning, but Harry feels his heartbeat rise as he looks at her- the little thing was just so cute.
He swallows the excitement down. Cute, but in trouble.
She presses both hands to the door, shoving herself through it just in time to take in her surroundings- and him. She near trips over her own feet, face paling as she fumbles to a stop right in front of him.
“Hi, sweetheart,” Harry says.
He lets a gentle smile wash over his face. He stands at ease, hands in his pockets and shoulders untensed. No matter how badly his jaw wants to clench, his nostrils to flare; he can’t let her think she’s upset.
Not when he needs to get her home without dropping.
Perhaps it didn’t matter, either way; she’s still staring at him like she might faint any moment.
She steps forward, fingers inching away from the door as she approaches him on sluggish feet. She doesn’t draw her gaze away, not even as she passes right by him to stand at the front desk.
The man feels his jaw clench, at that.
“I was called to student services?” Ellie inquires, addressing the receptionist.
“Harry here has come to pick you up, love,” Macy relays, gesturing to him with a gentle smile.
Ellie doesn’t move.
“Is he not supposed to be?” Macy leans forward, then, brow furrowed. “He’s on your paperwork, darling, but I can give your brother a call to check if you want.”
Harry near pales, himself. He steps forward, Ellie staring wide-eyed between the woman behind the desk and the man drawing close behind her.
“No!” She says, voice louder in alarm than Harry had ever heard it. “No, but…”
She turns to him, heat rising in her cheeks.
“Harry, I have class,” she mumbles.
“Your classes finish at twelve,” Harry affirms.
“Yeah, but- but we started a new topic in French, so we had to stay back. And then… then Professor Donovan wanted to show us this video, in Literature? I can’t just- well, I can’t leave halfway through.”
Ellie picks at her cuticles, shuffling from one foot to another with her lip between her teeth.
She won’t look him in the eye.
Harry feels his gaze drop to slits, mouth pursing as he takes in the half-truth. He crosses his arms over his chest, sure he looks all the disapproving father he feels he is in this moment.
“Literature and French both ran thirty minutes late? And this didn’t affect your attendance for either class?”
Watching her eyes dart jaggedly around the room, no doubt searching for an excuse, Harry almost feels bad.
Almost.
“Please don’t lie to me, sweetheart,” he adds quietly.
Ellie pales at that. She clasps his wrist, staring up at him through furrowed brows.
One last resort.
“Harry, please…”
For a moment, his resolve falters. But he can see the redness in her eyes from here, the way her lashes droop to tickle her cheekbones.
Not even the endearing plea coating her puppy dog eyes could sway the resolve of his nature.
Harry straightens up, resigned to being firm for her own well-being.
“We’re going home.”
Ellie’s face screws up. He can see the wheels turning behind her eyes, like she was going through all five stages of classification-denial grief at once.
When she opens her mouth, again, Harry takes the chance to pull her close to him. He clasps her hands firm in his, swallowing the digits in overwhelming verity.
“I know y’dont want t’do this here, hm?” Harry murmurs.
He leans forward, making sure she catches his glance toward the less-than-subtle eavesdropping of the receptionist.
“Y’already pushed it by stayin’ another hour, petal. And not letting me know,” Harry can’t help the anxiety which leaks into his tone. He watches Ellie’s brow furrow at that.
“Can you be a good girl for me and come to the car now, please?”
Ellie sucks in a breath. He watches her look between him and the receptionist, taking all of two seconds to let the air back out. She nods, a minute thing Harry wouldn’t have caught if he hadn’t been looking for it, her face falling toward the floor.
“Thank you, sweetheart,” Harry murmurs.
He presses forward, cupping her face in his hands.
“I know that was hard, but I’m proud of you.”
Ellie nods, stare listless as she won’t meet his eye.
“C’mon,” He murmurs. “Let’s go. You got everything?”
Another blank nod.
Harry pulls her under his arm, moving them toward the door. They make it approximately five steps before the receptionist decides to speak up.
“You’ll need to sign out your dependant, Mister Styles.”
Ellie chokes at the word. She ducks out from under his arm, not waiting for him to follow as she shoves herself through the door.
Harry sighs, not bothering to hide his rolling eyes from the receptionist who has been ever so helpful! He passes a rushed hand over the paper with scrawl he hopes resembles his signature before turning to chase his devastated ward out the door.
Harry catches up to her in no time, long strides catching her unsettled speed with ease. He tries to pull her back under his arm, murmuring a gentled, “Don’t run away from me, please,” but she pulls away with a wordless whine. She remains close, however, pressing forward with her arms crossed. She’s only a few steps ahead, still within arm’s reach, and Harry deems that good enough.
It isn’t until they get to the car that the first tear rolls down her cheek.
Harry glances up from where he is clasping her seatbelt into its buckle, gaze softening as it flicks over her face.
“It’s alright, honey,” he coos.
He lifts a hand to her face, palm cupping her flushed cheek with his thumb skimming through her tears.
“No,” she whispers.
Ellie turns her head away, face pressed into the leather of the car seat and her bottom lip jutted out.
Harry sighs, smoothing a hand over her hair before letting her door shunt closed behind him.
He has half a mind to lock the car as he treks across to his side, mindful of her tendency to bolt.
Harry buckles himself in, watching her damp face through the rearview mirror as he puts the key into the ignition.
He just wants to bring her into his arms, to cradle her against the world and let her cry out all her tears. To press kisses to her face and run his hand through her hair and watch her eyes droop shut as she falls asleep, safe, in his arms.
If only she would let him.
He wishes it was still this morning.
It isn’t until they’re five minutes into the journey home that he hears her little voice pipe up.
“Want to go back to school.” She says.
“I know, sweetheart,” Harry acquiesces.
“Want to- to-“ The girl’s words are cut off as a yawn creeps up her throat, the resulting exhale sending tears down her cheek once more.
She rubs harshly at her face, drooping sleeve collecting the dribbling wetness.
“We really were watching a video,” she whispers. “Wasn’t lying, promise.”
“What was it about?” Harry asks kindly.
“Don’t want to tell you,” she sniffs.
He jumps at the sudden bang. Ellie has taken to throwing her feet out, the hard sole of her shoe coming into contact with the edge of the centre console.
She watches him through a scowl, shoulders slumped in her chair.
Harry’s jaw tenses, fingers tightening on the steering wheel.
“Do not kick in my car, Ellie.”
The sour expression on Ellie’s face disappears, her eyes widening at the authoritative cadence ringing through.
She sits up some, swallowing hard.
“Sorry, Harry,” she whispers.
She brings her hand to her mouth, teeth gnawing at her thumb.
Harry sighs, running a hand through his unruly curls.
“Guess who’s home?” Harry asks, desperate for a subject change.
“Zayn?” She croaks.
“Yeah, El. Papa’s home early from work.”
Ellie looks around a moment, eyes growing glazed with more than just tears. She’s dropping, Harry can see it clear as day, and he has to restrain himself from pressing down on the accelerator just a little bit harder.
“Li?” She mumbles, thumb in the way. “Go home, and… Li-Li?”
Go home.
He knows she can’t be ready just yet, but Harry’s heart does break just a little knowing she doesn’t think of his and Zayn’s place in that way just yet.
“Liam’s not back yet, darling,” Harry reminds. “S’okay, we’ll see him soon.”
“Want Li-Li,” she whispers.
She turns her face toward the window, blinking sluggishly.
He knows she’d be out by now, was she sitting in her car seat. Lord only knows the fit he’d have seen if he’d tried to get her into it coming home from university.
Instead, he watches her through the cast of the rearview mirror, the fluttering of her eyes broken by the turns he is cursed to make.
The girl hardly reacts as Harry finally pulls into the driveway.
“C’mon,” he murmurs, relishing in the way she takes his proffered hand as assistance to step out of the car.
He presses a hand to her back as he guides her inside on her wobbly feet, a flood of relief washing over him as he finally shuts the door behind him.
Home.
“Alright, let’s go have a rest, hmm? Daddy might just join you, Els, it’s been a long day.” Harry hums.
Ellie stops. She turns toward him, lifting a hand to rub at her eye.
“And Zayn?” She murmurs.
“Yeah,” Harry agrees, a smile fixing at her drooping lids. “And Papa.”
He tucks a finger under the lip of her beanie, dragging it off her dishevelled head of hair.
“Zee?” Harry calls.
He helps her out of her sweater, crouching down to help her toe off her sneakers.
Ellie looks around, fingers tightening where she holds balance on his shoulder. A furrow forms between her brows as she, too, searches for the man.
“Sorry, darlin’,” Harry apologises, “He mustn’t be home yet.”
Harry finally pulls off her other shoe, the laces a little tighter than he had expected. She wobbles a little, her foot slipping on her loosened sock.
“But- but you said-“
Her words are cut off with another yawn.
He sets down her shoes, standing back up to cradle her face in his palms, rubbing his thumb over her cheek.
“Let’s go have a lie down, and Papa will be in as soon as he gets home. Okay?”
Ellie yanks herself out of his grasp, body tight with her hands clenching into fists. Not okay.
“You said- You said Zayn was home. You said!” Ellie exclaims.
God, her eyes are so red.
“Do not shout at me, miss,” Harry affirms. “I’m sorry Papa isn’t home yet, but he will be soon.”
Ellie shakes her head.
“No, no, no, you said! I want Zayn!”
The girl swipes angrily at her leaky eyes, the scowl she fixes on him bold enough to have even him surprised.
So this is a tantrum.
Harry straightens up, leaning forward.
“Ellie Marie, it is far too late for you to be arguing with me. It is time for bed. Are you going to walk yourself to your room, or is Daddy going to have to pick you up and take you there?”
“No!” Ellie shouts, voice crackling and watery.
“Hey, guys.”
Harry bolts up, swinging around to find his partner standing at the threshold. Zayn stares at the two of them, a furrow pulling at his brow. And what a picture they must make; Ellie, with her clothes half changed and her hair a mess, dried tears tracking her face, and Harry, eyes wide and body so tight he may implode if he holds in his impatience any longer.
“What’s goin’ on, here?” Zayn asks carefully.
But he already knows. The way he edges forward, gaze scanning the scene before him like it’ll tell him past, present, future. He already knows where they’re at. Always does.
Not that he’d need to work anything out. Not if Ellie’s wet, red face had anything to do with it.
So Harry steps back. He lets out a sigh, arm swinging forward to offer Zayn the floor.
The other man nods, stepping forward into the fray. He turns to their girl, brown eyes pinched in concern as he tilts his head toward her.
“What’s wrong, ‘bells?” Zayn decides.
It’s like all the sound had been stolen from her lungs. She can only watch him, the man she had asked for so adamantly, finally show his face. Her hands clench at her sides, bottom lip trembling between her teeth.
“Want- Want-“
The girl’s watery eyes flick between the two men, once, twice, before they squeeze shut, taking the last specks of her grown-up headspace with them.
“It’s not fair,” she croaks.
Because that’s the crux of the matter, isn’t it?
There’s nothing for her to piece together, at this point. Not wanting her brother, or feeling wronged for missing school. Not even having to listen to a man who had only just become a permanent fixture in her life, now make decisions as her caregiver. There’s nothing to articulate, and no point trying even if she could.
She’d still be standing here, fingers tugging futilely on the hem of her jumper as she waits for someone else to choose.
Again.
“I know,” Zayn coos.
His eyes soften as he sets down his satchel, drawing closer to the girl.
“I know, princess. It’s not fair, is it?”
If Harry’s heart wasn’t already breaking, the broken sound which falls from the girl’s mouth is nothing short of tearing it in two. So desperate, so scared; and nothing if not so very young.
Her little whine opens the floodgates. Ellie cries, and she cries hard, sobs wracking her chest so hard her body near keels over.
Zayn is swift in his approach, successfully pulling her up into his arms where she had fought Harry’s touch.
He’s the bad guy, here, and he knows better than to take it personally when a little is expressing their emotions.
But god, if the rejection doesn’t sting.
He approaches, anyway, cupping a hand over her upper back with a gentle coo.
The girl whines, thick from her chest, distraught “no, no, no”’s spilling from her lips as she shakes her head wildly. Her hand swats out at him, blind swipes barely reaching his vicinity.
“Ellie!” Zayn admonishes. “No hitting.”
Harry sighs, drawing his hand back as he watches the girl find comfort in his partner.
It’s then she turns her face into Zayn’s neck, fingers clutched to his lapel and her eyes squeezed shut.
“Go ‘way, Daddy,” Ellie hiccups.
Harry freezes.
He jerks back, eyeing the girl wrapped in his partner’s arms with his throat so tight he has to remind himself to breathe.
Zayn’s face is a mirror of his, he’s sure; wide eyes and parted lips, and a glaze coating his irises the longer he processes.
The word had spilled so easily from her lips, like she was born with it painted on her tongue.
Daddy.
Zayn reacts quicker than he does, arms curling tighter around the girl’s quivering form. The palm bracing her neck slides up to cup the back of her head, fingers gliding between her locks with only a minor, unadulterated shake.
“It’s okay, baby,” he assures, “Daddy’s-“
The word dies in Zayn’s throat. He swallows hard, throwing Harry a watery smile before turning back to their- still very much crying- little girl.
“Daddy’s gonna get your bunny, hmm? S’alright. You’re okay.”
Zayn continues to coo to the girl, lips pressed to her temple as he shushes her lovingly.
Harry thinks he might be smiling, if the pull at his cheeks tells him anything. He gives Zayn a jerky nod, gaze still flicking jaggedly between the girl and the man holding her as they get blurrier and blurrier in front of him and- fuck, did she really just say what he thought she said?
It’s all Harry can do to huff out a laugh, expelling the remaining air in his lungs into the scene before him.
“Yeah, I’m-“ he starts, words caught in his throat. “Let me jus’-“
He throws a thumb out behind him, turning on his heel to make his way to the girl’s bedroom. He tugs a hand through his hair, fingers twisting into the knotted curls and pulling.
He finds her bunny easily enough, the plush nestled neatly atop her made bed. His heart clenches in his chest as brings it back to her, spying her lidded gaze from where she rests her head on Zayn’s shoulder. She’s got a thumb tucked into her mouth, the other twisting strands of Zayn’s hair between her fingers.
She abandons the thick strands for her bunny, taking it from Harry with a satisfied hum.
“What do you say, Ellie?” Zayn prompts gently.
Ellie offers him a sleepy glance, moving her thumb to the side to speak.
“Thank you, Daddy.”
Twice.
Harry might genuinely pass out.
“You’re welcome, darling,” Harry murmurs.
He presses a hand to her hair, dragging it down soft to thumb at her cheekbone.
“You have a good sleep, alright?”
Her eyes are already fluttering shut, fingers tightening in their grasp around the bunny’s chest.
Zayn turns them around, until he can fix Harry with a gentle smile. He nods toward the bedroom, settling atop Ellie’s bed with enough room for Harry to cuddle in beside them.
Zayn casts a gentle hand over Ellie’s back, the girl’s breaths evening out as she falls into sleep. Harry glances over her tear-streaked face, stuck on her pouty lips and dampened lashes and red, flushed cheeks. There will be more to come, he knows.
He smiles.
“You okay?” Zayn asks, eyes scanning Harry’s in that introspective way he somehow reserves only for him. What the hell happened?
“Yeah. Yeah. It’s fine. I’m- I’m fine.” Harry assures. His mouth pulls up to one side, and he nods. I’ll tell you about it later.
The following two minutes of comfortable silence are broken by Harry’s phone jerking to life.
Ellie jolts awake at the ringtone, Zayn shushing her back into dreamland as Harry cups a hand over the offending speaker.
He accepts the call, ducking into the doorway as he answers.
“Hey, Li,” he murmurs.
“Hey, H,” Liam calls, cheerfully, “How’s it all going?”
Harry laughs under his breath, mind cycling a million miles per minute over the events of the past couple hours.
Hiding.
Overtired bargaining.
Tantrum city.
But all Harry can think of is that one word, sweet and simple, spilling from her lips like a prayer.
Daddy.
“Good. Good, Li,” he promises, “It’s been a good day.”
He throws Zayn a smile, casting a final glance over their sleeping girl before turning to take the noise back down the hall.
“You’ll never guess what happened…”