Chapter Text
Year 847
“What time do we leave tomorrow?”
“Leave? What's tomorrow?”
Lena would have felt a rush of anger in her chest were it not for the fact that she wasn't entirely surprised. They had forgotten. Despite all the times she’d mentioned it, shyly so as not to cause trouble and avoid being scolded, the whole family seemed to have forgotten. Planting herself in the living room of the small house, hands with fingers anxiously intertwined, she forced herself to speak.
“The Training Corps… Tomorrow is the first day.”
Lena saw the realization hit her uncle's face, along with an expression of deep annoyance at the inconvenience to the aforementioned.
“You still at it with that bullshit about joining the Garrison?”
“Tomorrow is market day, why didn't you say so before?,” her aunt, who had been listening as she knitted in her armchair by the fire, coldly chimed in.
Lena didn’t want another scolding, so she answered as politely as she could. “I've reminded you several times…"
The woman put her knitting needles aside. “If you had, this wouldn't be a problem, don't you think?”
Lena felt the rage move inside her body, hot as the fire burning in the stove, but she kept silent, as she did every time her uncle, aunt or cousins tried to twist her words. It’d been that way ever since she’d had to move in with them several years ago, after an illness took her parents. There was no one else who could take care of her. Not that they wanted to either, something she was very aware of despite her young age. But they decided that an extra pair of hands would come in handy to help around the house, so they took her in.
"Well... If you've really made up your mind, I have to stop by Trost tomorrow anyway, so I can drop you off at the gates," the man said while going back to busying himself with cleaning his rifle, which he used to hunt the animals he then sold. “Then you’re on your own, I can't stray any further. We leave at dawn.”
Great.
Lena was no longer surprised by anything from that family. It was finally time to leave that house for good, which was why she had decided to join the Training Corps.
That night she went to bed quite content for the first time since... She couldn't even remember. She was looking forward to meeting children her own age, to making friends. To escaping the psychological abuse she’d endured every day since she had to move in with her dad's brother. To becoming strong and helping others.
The next day she got up before her uncle. The night before she’d packed a small backpack with her few belongings: a few changes of clothes, toiletries, the comb her mother used and a jacket from her dad. It was quite big, but it was comfortable and protected her from the cold better than any other.
She went to the toilet to wash off the sleep and brush her teeth. She gathered water in her cupped hands and brought it to her face, scrubbing hard at the freckled skin, inherited from her mother, until it was red and the pale eyelashes were free of gunk. She ran her wet hands through her red hair to smooth the bird's nest that was left after sleeping and parted it into two large locks. She made two braids and tied them at the end, one on each side of her face. Finally, she tried to flatten her bangs, pressing them against her forehead. That was the hairstyle she used to do since her mother was no longer in her life.
She stared at herself in the mirror for a while and sighed. She wasn’t worried about her appearance, but she always ended up unintentionally drawing attention to herself. Usually for the worse, as there was never a shortage of cruel children to make fun of her freckles or her hair. At his uncle's house, hair color was normal. Freckles, on the other hand... Her cousins never missed an opportunity to remind her of what they thought of her "spots". Maybe at Training Corps she met other children with freckles? With red hair? She could only wish. She averted her eyes from the mirror and exited the toilet.
She carried her things to the entrance of the house and waited. After a while her uncle turned up, with the same tousled red hair and the typical grumpy expression he used to wake up with. And live. For she rarely saw any other expression on him or on her aunt. Nor on her cousins.
Lena didn't understand it. When she remembered her childhood, her parents used to have kind and loving expressions. With her and with each other. They loved each other. Did her aunt and uncle love each other? Did they love their children? Maybe in their own way , Lena thought.
But she had long ago sworn to herself that if she ever married, it would be to someone with kind eyes. She’d make sure to always have a smile for her husband, and he’d have one for her. And so it’d be with their children. They’d never have to wonder if their parents loved each other, because they would see it in their eyes every day.
“You ready, kid?,” asked the man in a hoarse voice, making her come out of her reverie.
“Yes."
Her uncle stared at her with a raised eyebrow and clicked his tongue. Lena started to get nervous.
What now?
“Yes," he repeated mimicking her, with a sneer and a hint of impertinence in his voice. “They’d better teach you some manners in that training thing.”
“Yes, sir ," she muttered insolently before she could bite her tongue.
“Now you're messing with me?,” the man said in a threatening voice.
Lena sighed and closed her eyes to avoid rolling them and infuriating him further.
“Can we go now, please?,” she asked, exhausted from repeating the same story every day.
The man didn’t answer. He put on his boots and walked out of the house, with her trailing behind.
Lena took a moment to look around as her uncle prepared the wagon. In the faint light of dawn, a ghostly mist enveloped the handful of houses that populated the area, and the road they’d take the cart on their journey. Lena adjusted her dad's jacket, grateful for its size. She knew she wouldn't be cold.
The man's voice urged her into the wagon. Without giving a last glance at what had been her home for the past four years, Lena settled in between the meats and furs, her small luggage in her lap, and turned her eyes to the road ahead. With a small smile on her lips, she allowed her heart to feel a small glimmer of hope for the future that awaited her.
***
The sun was just beginning to peek over Wall Rose as Lena caught a glimpse of the main road leading to Trost. It seemed that many people had business in the district, as the road leading in was quite busy. Lena would’ve liked to go, as she’d never been to any large town, but her destination was leading her the other way.
“So... You're going to the Garrison, are you?,” her uncle said suddenly, his voice hoarse after so many hours in silence.
“Yes, once I graduate," she replied. “Training Corps is three years.”
He hummed, feigning interest in his niece's life. “And the Military Police? The farther away from the Walls, the better.”
What was that? Was the man actually showing interest in his niece's life?
“I guess so," Lena replied after she recovered from her surprise. “But the Military Police have a bad reputation. Besides, you have to graduate in the top ten to get in.”
“We've raised you well," he said without taking his eyes off the road. “I'm sure you'll get a good position.”
Huh?
Lena moved her eyes to her uncle's back for the first time in the whole trip, and gave him the biggest disbelieving look she'd ever dared to give him in her life. Because he couldn't see her, of course.
“It takes more than being good with a knife and having a good aim to get into the Military Police," she said after recovering once again from her surprise.
“Well... If you have to gut an animal, you'll get a good grade.”
Lena let out a somewhat ironic huff through her nose and shook her head. Then she noticed that the wagon was moving away from Trost instead of toward its entrance.
She sat up slightly to get within the man's line of sight. “Uncle... Trost is that way. You can drop me off here if you want. There are many wagons heading in my direction, I'm sure one of them will take me.”
“It's okay... I've got time. I'll get you a little closer," he said softly.
…
“Thank you.”
It’d been a long time since Lena had been surprised by any of the questionable behavior of her uncle and his family. During those minutes, however, she got surprised more times than in her entire life. Maybe he's sad because he's not going to have extra help around the house anymore, she thought.
After a while they crossed paths with a group of soldiers with wings on their uniforms, the emblem of the Scouts. Lena noticed their faces, serious, stoic. Dignified. Almost heroic. But she also sensed a certain aura of sadness in the group. Of loss.
“I don't suppose you'd think of joining those," her uncle said disdainfully as they passed them.
“The Scouts?”
Lena looked back and watched them, cloaks flapping in the wind, wings shining in the sun.
The Wings of Freedom.
The four years she’d had to stay at her aunt and uncle's house she wanted nothing more than to get out, to escape. Freedom, she wanted to be free. Like a bird. But the reality was that no one is really free, not as long as the Walls existed.
Except the Scouts. They truly knew what it was like not to be trapped within four walls. They breathed cleaner air, stepped on greener grass, saw things no one else would ever see in their lifetime. They flew.
But... How long did that freedom last? What lasted to be caught and eaten by a titan?
No... Maybe they knew some kind of freedom, but they were still not free from the terrors of the universe, whether they were walls or titans’ jaws. They were mere human beings, like everybody else.
“No, I don't plan to join them," she said at last.
“Good. They’re only good for feeding the titans. And no knife can save you from that.”
Lena wondered if that was her uncle's family's way of showing concern. Suggestions and indirect comments. She glanced briefly at the man, something she wasn't used to doing. His red hair shone in the sun. That was the only feature he shared with his brother. Maybe in his youth they’d been more alike. Maybe if he smiled more? He might even be considered attractive. But the man she saw every day with a sour expression didn’t remind her of her dad at all.
After a while, the wagon stopped.
“I have to drop you off here or my morning will be gone," he said without turning to look her in the eye. “Just follow the road. That's the entrance over there, see?”
Following the path, in the distance, two large columns could be made out against the blue sky. It seemed to be the gate. She still had a long walk ahead of her, but she preferred that to staying in the cart with her uncle.
“Yes," Lena replied. “It's all right, I'll just walk.”
She grabbed her belongings and jumped onto the dirt road. She walked to the horse, whom she was sorry to say goodbye to. Her uncle's horses were the only living things that didn't annoy her in that house. She fondly remembered all the times she’d ridden with that same animal, the only times she’d felt a glimpse of freedom.
“Goodbye, pretty boy," she whispered as she stroked his nose. “Thank you.”
Then she heard her uncle's voice come from the cart. “Hey. You can always come back if you don't like it. Okay?”
Lena looked into his eyes, which were still glued to the road.
“I'm not going back."
The man nodded slowly. “I understand.”
Lena opened her mouth to say goodbye, but the man spoke again.
“Your dad and I were very different people.”
After a pause, his eyes left the road and fell on the girl. Lena watched them closely for the first time. Exceptionally blue in the sunlight, like hers. Were her dad's blue, too? She didn't remember. And she didn't understand what that sudden sappiness was all about.
“He was always a very good person," he continued, turning his eyes back to the road. “Maybe that's why we drifted apart. I always felt I was living in his shadow. So I became a resentful person.”
Lena kept her feet planted on the ground beside the horse and her eyes on her uncle's. His words triggered an unpleasant feeling inside her chest. Why at that moment, of all the moments he'd had? Why talk to her about her dad just then? Why show that kind of pity? Was he sorry to say goodbye to his niece? Lena wasn't sorry to say goodbye to him. Or was she? Maybe if her uncle had spoken those words to her a long time before, they might’ve understood each other better. But it was too late.
“I'm sorry you had him in your life for such a short time," he said at last, looking back at her with empty eyes.
Lena took a deep breath to calm the whirlwind of emotions she was feeling. She felt her eyes were on the verge of tears. Don't cry, don't cry , she repeated to herself. Crying was the worst thing she could do in front of her uncle and his family.
In the end she nodded, not breaking eye contact.
“Goodbye, uncle.”
“Goodbye, kid.”
***
The warm spring sun was shining brightly and Lena felt her jacket suffocating her, so she took it off, folded it carefully over her arm and kept walking. Several carts and horses passed her, but the truth was she was embarrassed to ask for a ride. It’d never been her intention. All the time she’d known that unless someone offered, she would have to continue on foot.
“Look, sweety, that girl looks about ya age. Ask her if she's going that way too.”
Lena, taking the hint, turned her gaze to the wagon that was passing softly by her side. A brown-haired girl with big eyes was looking at her from the back, and her parents were sitting in the front.
“Hello," said the giggling, if somewhat nervous, girl. “Are you going to the Training Corps?”
“Yes," Lena answered shyly.
“Get in, sweety, we'll take ya there," said the woman with an accent, like the man's.
“Ah... Okay. Thank you very much.”
Lena climbed in the back and sat next to the girl, who had made room for her in the small, crowded vehicle. She caught a whiff of meat and fur, and saw a knife or two sticking out of several bundles of skin. She wondered if they were hunters too.
“My name is Sasha Browse," the girl said politely, with no trace of her parents' accent, and held out her hand.
Lena shook it. “Lena Kremer.”
The brunette offered her a genuine smile. “Nice to meet you."
“Nice to meet you too.”
“What were you doing walking, girl?,” asked the man, his voice tainted with concern.
“Oh, it's just... my uncle had business to attend to in Trost, and he was late.”
“Your uncle?,” Sasha asked.
The real question was evident in her eyes: ‘Why not your parents?’
“Yes," Lena answered flatly.
Yes, I am an orphan.
She didn't want to say it. People’d find out if and when they had to. She was about to start a new chapter in her life. She didn't want to have that label.
“Some uncle…," her dad commented quietly.
“Honey...", the woman scolded him.
“I don't wanna judge, honey, but look, we gotta go to Trost, too. But we taking our daughter all the way to the gate.”
Lena looked down. He was right, that's what normal families did. It was hers that was weird.
“We gotta take care of children, that's what I always say," the man continued, with emotion in his voice. “Don't worry, girl, our Sasha will take care of ya.”
Lena looked at Sasha, who returned an honest smile, if only a bit embarrassed by her dad's comment. But in her eyes she saw that the man was right. That she could trust her.
Sasha and her parents made conversation for the rest of the trip, and Lena was overwhelmed by so much affection. She didn't usually have contact with anyone outside of her uncle's family, with the exception of a few neighbors. She didn't get along well with her cousins either, so she didn't know what it was like to have friends. After she was orphaned, of course.
You could say she was a bit socially inept. But the Browse family's warm welcome made her homesick. She felt something similar to what she remembered feeling with her parents. That’s when she knew it was going to be okay. That she’d made the right decision.
Before long they finally arrived at the huge front gate, where other children were saying goodbye to their parents, while others were arriving alone.
Sasha’s mum hugged her goodbye. “Behave yourself, child."
“And don't eat so much, daughter, please," said the dad at her side, "they’ll run out of food.”
Lena wondered what that comment was about. She said goodbye to them, thanking them for their help, and finally crossed the gate with Sasha.
She had to force herself to take a deep breath when her heart began to race as she realized that she was finally there. The future she’d longed for suddenly became too real and her nerves played a trick on her. So many people her age around her, so many dangers ahead, an uncertain future. She glanced at Sasha to see if she looked nervous too. She found her rubbing her belly and sniffing the air.
“Do you think they'll feed us soon? I'm hungry…”
“No idea... You're not nervous?”
She gave her an undaunted look. “No, I'm hungry.”
“Ah.”
Suddenly, a loud, deep voice called all the new cadets, right at the entrance of the main building. There's where Lena, Sasha and all the out-of-uniform youngsters swarming around, most with blank stares and frightened eyes, headed for.
The person bellowing introduced himself as Keith Shadis, the instructor. He was a tall, balding man with sunken eyes, as if he hadn’t slept for weeks. He led them toward the barracks, where they’d sleep from now on, and announced that they would find their uniforms inside.
“You have ten minutes, cadets! Leave your shit on your beds and change! Whoever takes longer will do five laps around the premises!”
Lena and Sasha exchanged an anxious glance. There was a small commotion in which all the cadets started running towards the barracks, until the voice of instructor Shadis was heard again.
“STOP!”
They all froze in place.
“Get back here, NOW!”
With another small commotion, everyone moved back in front of the instructor.
His eyes inspired terror when he spoke. “Aren't you cadets of the Training Corps?”
Lena and Sasha kept their mouths shut, but a few timid ‘Yes’ were heard in the silence. Then Lena remembered her uncle.
“Yes, sir," she said in a whisper. Too loud. Shadis' eyes flew to her.
“Louder, Freckles!,” he bellowed.
Freckles?
Her heart pounded hard in her chest as she cursed herself for saying anything. Heat rushed up her neck to her freckled face and she felt everyone's eyes on her. Shadis took a couple of steps toward her.
“Y-yes, sir!,” she said at last as loudly as she could, which was rather softly anyway.
“Name!”
“Lena Kremer, sir!”
“Cadet Kremer seems to be the only one who has any manners at all!”
Lena had to stifle a smirk at the thought of the look on her uncle's face if he heard that about her.
The instructor shouted and insulted them some more and taught them the correct way to address others following the hierarchy, as well as the salute they were to address their superiors: right fist over the heart and left arm folded behind the back.
Dedicating their hearts.
“Now, you stinky brats! I want you back out here in ten minutes with your uniforms on!”
“Yes, sir!,” they all shouted in unison, along with the salute they’d just learned.
Lena and Sasha entered the female barracks with about eight other girls. There were five bunk beds, each with a small space for personal things, in which the uniforms were.
Lena didn't have time to observe anything or look at anyone. She left her things on a random bed and got right down to putting on her uniform: white pants and shirt, beige jacket, brown skirt, and knee-length brown boots.
When Sasha was also ready, they went out together and positioned themselves in front of the instructor along with the other classmates, and Shadis led them to the middle of the training field.
On the way, Lena caught a whiff of food. It was coming from one of the wooden buildings they were passing, and she assumed it was the mess hall. Sasha disappeared for a few minutes and Lena didn't notice until she was suddenly back to her side. She frowned at her, and Sasha gave her an enigmatic grin in return.
In the middle of the huge training field, under the midday sun, Shadis forced each cadet to introduce themselves, and took the opportunity to offer a customized insult at each one of them. He even head-butted one boy, and lifted up another by his head.
It was then that Lena noticed Sasha moving next to her. She was putting something in her mouth. For the Walls' sake, was she eating? Unfortunately for her, Shadis saw her too. What followed was the most surreal situation Lena had ever witnessed in her life. Not only was Sasha eating a potato, she offered half of it to the instructor. But it wasn't even half. When she split it, one piece was larger than the other. And Sasha, sweet Sasha, to everyone's disbelief, offered him the smaller one.
Thus Potato Girl was born.
That’s when Lena understood what Sasha’s parents had told her about food. From that moment on, Lena decided that Sasha was her heroine.
Sasha, for her part, had to spend the rest of the day running around in circles.
After finishing showing them around the facility, Shadis let them off, with the threat that the next day would be the beginning of hell for the cadets.
***
“You're from Shiganshina? So you saw the titans?”
A huddle had formed at the table next to Lena’s during dinner. There were some kids from Shiganshina, and the conversation had turned to the invasion of Wall Maria. However, there was soon some bad blood because one of them wanted to join the Survey Corps, and another boy, who was at Lena's table, thought it was a ridiculous idea. Luckily, they ended up clapping hands and the first one decided to go outside with his friend.
“So you guys want to go to the Military Police?,” asked a girl with dark hair and pigtails.
The boy Shadis had head-butted that morning explained that he wanted an easy life inside the walls. His self-satisfied expression and voice irritated Lena deeply, and she felt he was a perfect candidate to join the military branch with the worst reputation. However, the boy next to him also wanted to join the MPs, but his reasoning was much more noble. He wanted to protect the King. Plus his manners were more polite. Lena noticed that he also had freckles, though not as many as she did. They were pretty.
Slowly everyone in the mess hall began to say where they wanted to join and why, and the others listened with interest. It was a friendly group, one in which Lena felt comfortable enough to speak up. She waited her turn, but then the head-butt boy, a tall kid with dark blond hair, addressed her.
“What about you, Freckles?”
When Lena heard those words she slowly turned her gaze to him. He couldn't be talking to her, could he? With such familiarity? And pointing out one of the things she was most self-conscious about?
“Freckles?,” she asked calmly, trying not to let her insecurities show. But the boy's audacity had her heart pounding in her chest.
“That's what the instructor called you, isn't it?,” he said cockily.
“I have a name.”
“Do you remember mine?”
Shit.
Lena shook her head, pursing her lips in a grimace that said, ‘I didn't bother to remember it.’ In return, he gave her another grimace with raised eyebrows that said, ‘So I’m right.’ Lena felt like throwing her glass of water in his face to wipe away that cocky smile, but she resisted.
“Ignore him, Lena," said the girl with the pigtails (Mia?), giving her a sympathetic smile. “Tell us, where do you want to go next?”
“To the Garrison," she answered in a soft voice, realizing that the others were listening.
Amidst the small murmur of voices sharing the same desire as her, she heard a click of tongue. She turned her face toward the source and met the wry smile of the tall boy.
“Jean, leave her alone," the freckled boy said softly.
“I'm going wherever that jerk isn't," said quietly a boy with a buzzcut, who sitting on the other side of Lena. He was the one Shadis had grabbed by the head for doing the salute wrong.
Lena laughed softly and agreed with him.
After a short while the curfew bell tolled, and the cadets marched off to the barracks.
Lena went to brush her teeth with the other girls, and when they returned they saw Sasha lying on her bed, her uniform still on, sleeping soundly.
After a little chatting before bedtime, Lena learned almost everyone's name. Mina, after Sasha, was the one she liked the best. Hanna and Krista were also very nice. The others hadn't opened their mouths. She also noticed that some of them had freckles and one girl even had red hair similar to hers.
That night she went to sleep with a very warm feeling in her heart. The feeling that she finally belonged.