Chapter Text
When Mafuyu enters the Empty Sekai, the temperature drops 2 degrees. It never rises back to normal. For this reason exclusively, Ena constantly brings blankets to the Sekai each time she visits. Mizuki brought pillows after complaining that blankets didn’t provide a healthy resting environment for one’s back.
None of them know why the Sekai does this. None of them know how to fix it. Kanade feels as if she has some idea of how it works, a vague notion of understanding, relating it to Mafuyu’s inability to communicate and speak freely. But, confusing as it may be, Kanade was fine with the temperature drop as long as it meant she could see Mafuyu and acknowledge that she was still there.
The temperature dropped slightly when she arrived. Kanade doesn’t even want to imagine how cold it would be if Mafuyu had decided to die.
And so, it is for that reason exclusively that she doesn’t care. She’ll take a blanket from Ena to drape around herself and another if Mafuyu arrives. Though, Mafuyu states each time that she hardly notices the change.
But it’s summer. And it’s hot. And Kanade hates being outside more than she hates being inactive. The minuscule light that pours through her window burns like radioactive poison and heats up her already hot room. The air conditioning went out weeks ago and Kanade hasn’t had the chance to fix it.
And so, using her only other available resource, Kanade clicks twice on the Untitled track stored in her “Songs” folder.
The transportation to the Sekai is always jarring. Kanade found that keeping her eyes open provided a quick way for her to inflict temporary blindness on herself and that closing her eyes caused inertia so bad that she almost always doubled over in pain once she arrived. And there was no solution to make the switch easier. Sunglasses provided a lesser feeling of inertia and Pepto-Bismol did nothing to ease the blindness that came from the blinding white light.
Kanade often pondered if this was what it would feel like to enter Heaven. If the light at the end of the tunnel was the last trial a person was to face. And that once they encountered the pearly gates, they would instantly vomit. Not out of excitement or happiness, but purely because the journey was so rough.
This time when Kanade enters the Sekai, she decides that she will take the route of temporary blindness. She could handle not being able to see for a moment and found that she often preferred it over nausea. Her poor diet didn’t help her either. There were a few times when her transfer did end in a few noodle infested vomit sessions that she had to clean.
The coldness is refreshing. The sweat that had accumulated on Kanade’s face from sitting in her room quickly found its foe of cool air too challenging and ceased to exist. She moved her long hair over her shoulder so that her neck could also share in the victory. The air hit against her pale skin and the sweat retreated for the day, finding the battle lost.
She takes a minute to breathe. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. And once she finishes her breathing exercises, she has been granted her vision. The Sekai is, as always, bleak and empty. There are blankets and pillows all over the floor, along with sketchbooks and clothing that Ena and Mizuki have brought and subsequently forgotten all over the floor.
The floor…Kanade softly kicked her foot against the floor. Could it really be called a floor? She often wondered that. It was nothing but endless white, but so was the ceiling and the landscape around. By pure definition, she could be walking on the ceiling for all she knew. They all had little notions as to how the Sekai worked and whether gravity worked as it did in the normal world.
She shivers. Already? She had only been in the Sekai for a few moments and…footsteps cut off her train of thought. Suddenly, it becomes very clear as to why the Sekai is now frigid and freezing.
She can’t see Mafuyu, but she knows she’s here. She can sense it in her heart and can literally sense it on her skin. She turns, round and round, her head spinning as she tries to locate that familiar head of purple hair, but her searches return nothing. Nothing but empty whiteness.
So, Kanade sets off on her journey. She can’t find Mafuyu by standing and spinning, so her feet spin a story of movement. She picks a direction based on sound and heads towards not. She doesn’t call out to Mafuyu, feeling that her voice is would scare her away. Instead, her eyes search as her feet journey, the sound ever present but somehow still distant.
It’s like finding a needle in a haystack. Or a piece of hay in a needle stack. Kanade never understood that euphemism. Or why Mafuyu was so out of reach. Or why the Sekai was endless. Or why the sound of footsteps had stopped and was instead replaced by with the sound of soft and muted sobs. The blankets that had marred the Sekai with life are a distant blob behind Kanade as she continues on.
She hangs a slight left and slants herself in a jagged direction before she finally finds Mafuyu. And Mafuyu is definitely crying. She’s on her knees, both of her hands are hiding her face. Her sobs are low and agonizing. It chills Kanade to her core.
To say she has never heard Mafuyu cry before would be a lie. Mafuyu has cried to her and on her more times than she could count. But this was different. These sobs were haunting and cold. They didn’t provide relief to Mafuyu like before. They were completely and totally agonizing her. Pain wasn’t leaking from her eyes, her eyes were trying to put her in more pain.
It’s quite a spectacle. One that Kanade feels like she was never meant to see. She’s standing only a few feet away, yet she’s never felt farther from Mafuyu. Her hand jets up to reach out before she slaps it down. Mafuyu’s hands instantly drop from her face and her eyes are…so devoid of light and joy. They look as if they have been completely replaced with two pieces of black charcoal, with the red around them and the black underneath them only adding to the soulless effect.
Kanade feels her own eye twitch at the display. The display? Kanade cursed her own thoughts. Mafuyu was not a show or a sight to see, she was a living, breathing, and suffering individual. Yet Kanade had done nothing to help. All she did was stand and watch. As her feet move forward, she curses herself once more.
Mafuyu doesn’t move and her tears and muted sobs don’t stop. She watches—at least that’s what Kanade can discern—as Kanade approaches and kneels down before her. Kanade wants so badly to touch her, but knows better than to inflict a wound on an already shatter piece of glass. Damnit! Stop referring to her as an object. But Kanade can’t and only watches as Mafuyu begins to nod to herself.
With one hand, she wipes her tears away, and the sniffle she lets out echoes throughout the Sekai.
“Mafuyu…” Kanade’s mouth moves of its own accord, yet is put back in its place by Mafuyu placing a finger over her lips. Her finger feels like ice and burns at the same time.
And almost as soon as the finger was placed, it was gone, leaving an almost visible red mark from where it had marred Kanade’s skin.
“I…” Mafuyu starts, her voice is shaky and wavering, almost being blown away by the quiet hum of the Sekai. “Kanade,” Kanade looks into Mafuyu’s eyes and for certain she is staring at her. The charcoal black pierces into Kanade’s already chipped soul and cracks another piece right off. This was not going to be a happy conversation.
“I’m beginning to think I can’t be saved.” Mafuyu admits quietly.
It’s like a dagger has been thrust into Kanade’s heart. Actually, it feels like multiple daggers have been shoved into her body. Three in the stomach, five in the back, two in the heart, and at least one has begun to slit her throat and rip out her vocals as she tries to speak but finds herself sputtering like a dying car engine instead.
But instead of silence, Mafuyu begins to pour out a string of statements.
“I can’t wait anymore. I can’t even think anymore. It feels like I’ve been thrust into a fog of despair and I’ll never find the way to the door. It feels like there never was a door. It feels like pain and misery and I can’t even imagine a way out. Kanade, my heart hurts badly and I don’t think-“ Mafuyu takes a moment to inhale sharply. “I don’t think it will ever stop unless I stop my own heart myself.”
“Please, Mafuyu, don’t say that.” Kanade interjects, feeling herself trapped in a fog of her own.
Mafuyu cocks her head at Kanade and a smile forms on her face. But it’s not a smile formed out of love or joy, but malice.
“What am I supposed to say then?” Mafuyu’s gaze turns deadly serious. “Do you want me to lie to you? Do you want me to pretend any more than I already have? Do you want me to play my part in your endless game of promises that can never be kept?”
Each question is another stab, another knife thrust into Kanade’s heart. A…game? Did Mafuyu seriously think that Kanade’s commitment to saving her was a game? Did she think that her promise to save her was a lie? Tears form at Mafuyu’s cruelty and they don’t stop as she goes on.
“I can’t partake in this anymore. I can’t live anymore. I’m unsure if I can even feel anything besides endless agony.” Mafuyu professes more about her suffering, but Kanade’s mind is still on her last remark.
A game…Kanade’s heart breaks more and more at the dissection of the message. A game. Kanade’s life work, her hopes, and dreams, her energy and love, her kindness and care, was it all a game? The comment is beginning to drive her insane.
“I…” Mafuyu pauses, sighing deeply. “I don’t want any more promises of being saved.”
“How can you say that?” Kanade takes the lead, causing a look of mild surprise to cross Mafuyu’s dead expression. “How could you possibly even—“
“Because it’s the truth!” Mafuyu yells and her shrill voice echoes like a nuclear explosion throughout the Sekai. Kanade winces at the pain that courses through her head. "I'm tired of lying. I'm tired of..." A look of utter defeat crosses Mafuyu's face. "I'm tired of everything." Her shoulders drop and something falls out the sleeve of her cardigan. It crashes against the ground with a sickening crack that echoes through the Sekai and bounces around in Kanade's brain.
It's...Mafuyu's phone. It's now face down, with the exposed back visible for both of them to see. With a shaking hand, Kanade reaches for the phone and flips it over. Seeing the front of the phone only confirmed what Kanade had feared. The phone was horrendously cracked, with the largest crack severing one half of the screen from the other. Kanade traces her finger over it and pulls away with a hiss as she cuts herself on the glass.
She looks at Mafuyu and Mafuyu looks at her. She begins to shake her head, her mouth open in shock. "Please don't tell me that your phone is broken."
Mafuyu's expression morphs into one of confusion. "Do you want me to tell you that its working perfectly?" She picks up the phone, seemingly impervious to the glass shards on it, and thrusts it into Kanade's face. "Does it look normal to you?"
With a sigh, Kanade shoves Mafuyu's hand away. "I didn't bring my phone with me to the Sekai."
Mafuyu's eye twitches and realization pours over her in an awful, dreadful wave. "And there's...no other way out? You haven't seen Miku? At all?" Kanade shakes her head at each question.
"Miku must be around here somewhere," Kanade comments and begins to stand, offering her hand to Mafuyu who was still on the "floor." Reluctantly, Mafuyu takes it. Her fingers are freezing cold against Kanade's. Something buzzes in Mafuyu's heart. A feeling of vague warmth begins to knock down her walls, but Kanade pulls away before she can recognize what it is.
Kanade isn't even sure why she pulled away. Why she brought her hand to her chest. Why her other hands flew up to shelter her freezing fingers. The fingers that Mafuyu had scarred with her coldness. She regrets it almost as soon as she does it and offers her hand once more, but Mafuyu seems to stare straight through it. Kanade gets the message and her hand returns to her side.
To her mild surprise, Mafuyu makes the first move. She pockets the broken phone and begins to head towards the vague blob of color that they've all come to know as their hangout. Every couple of seconds, she will call out to Miku. Sometimes quietly, other times loudly, but never to the same extent as she had just yelled at Kanade. Kanade swallows the anxiety their interaction gave her and follows in Mafuyu's footsteps, calling out to Miku as well.
Before long, they both reach the inital location of the Sekai. Blankets and pillows and various personal belongings decorate the ground, bringing a splash of color to the otherwise white canvas below. Tired of the cold, Kanade reaches down and picks up a blanket off the floor. She drapes it over her shoulders, feeling the soft material cover her neck. She picks another one off the ground and approaches Mafuyu who is staring at one of Ena's sketchbooks.
It's on an open page. Several crossed out sketches decorate it. All of the drawings resemble a girl with choppy bangs and a long ponytail. All the drawings of her contain the same expression. Lowered eyebrows and dark eyes. Not a single smile has been drawn anywhere. Kanade softly wraps the blanket around Mafuyu.
"I think these are drawings of me." Mafuyu comments, pointing to the sketchbook. Kanade leans down to pick it up, bringing it closer for the both of them to see. At a closer view, Kanade finds herself agreeing with Mafuyu's sentiment. Ena has clearly tried, and failed, over and over to replicate the look in Mafuyu's eyes.
Weary of seeing nothing but soulless eyes, Kanade begins to flip through the pages, finding random doodles and sketches of all them. Mizuki populates most of the pages, with almost every drawing of them surrounded by little hearts. Kanade populates a few. Most of the drawings of her contain her eating noodles. One is a detailed sketch of her leaning over a desk, crying on a piece of paper. A butterfly is the only element of the drawing that doesn't have much detail. Before Kanade realizes it, she finds herself back at the page of Mafuyu sketches.
"I think so too." Kanade quietly agrees, leaning down to set the sketchbook back down on the floor. Mafuyu inhales sharply and once more begins to look around for Miku. Or at least, a vague Miku shape. She calls out to the void, but finds nothing.
Kanade is still looking at the crossed out sketches when Mafuyu grips her hand. She looks back at her. Mafuyu is staring at the ground. Her eyes aren't as black as before, with the slightest hue of purple highlighting the center of them.
"We're alone here. Miku hasn't responded to me." It's an unsettling situation, one that would drive someone instantly mad and send them running into the nearest void ledge to jump off. But Kanade only returns the grip Mafuyu has set upon her hand.
Silence settles over them. So many thoughts run through Kanade's mind and only a few plague Mafuyu's. Kanade opens her mouth to speak and instead emits a tiny squeak, a tortured sound from a soul that has been chiseled down into despair. Mafuyu turns to look at her, and the expression she normally wears has returned. Her eyes are still slightly red and the weight of what they shared still hangs between them like an impassible wall.
At some point before today, Kanade would normally look at the wall and think that it wasn't all bad. That though the wall was high, there were cracks and jagged holes that she could squeeze her fingers into and climb the wall with. But after today, after what Mafuyu said, Kanade has begun to think that the climbable wall was only the first of many, and each wall to follow was made out of steel: forever would the person behind it lay out of reach.
Despair was running through Kanade like water. It poured from her brain, down her shoulders, and was beginning to run down her body. Her grip on Mafuyu's hand tightened. No. Mafuyu could bite her, ram a dagger into her back, and drown her while she struggled to breathe and Kanade would still refuse to give up on her promise. She made that promise for a reason. She made that promise because she refused to let another person in her life die. Mafuyu could put up several walls and Kanade, with weary eyes and tired words, would still find a way to climb them.
But despite the reminder as to why Kanade still cared, pain still coursed through her veins in tandem with her broken heart.
"I think we're stuck." Kanade speaks quietly and Mafuyu's grip tightens tenfold. Her hand is so cold and Kanade finds pain in how tightly she holds on.
"..." Mafuyu doesn't reply. Kanade doesn't say anything. Was this how they both were to die? When Ena or Mizuki finally came to the Sekai, would they both be rotting corpses holding hands? Would the coldness have frozen both of their hearts? Would Mafuyu finally be happy in death? Or did Mafuyu want to die alone?
So many questions, so few answers. Neither of them are sure where to begin.
"We won't be able to find a way out standing here." Mafuyu notes. Kanade nods. They could, in theory, stand hand in hand at the cortex of the Sekai and wait for Mizuki or Ena or Miku to appear and take them back to the land of the living. However, as of late, all of them had been visiting the Sekai less and less. Kanade visited mostly to cool off, Ena visited whenever Akito pissed her, and Mizuki often visited to bring items to decorate the Sekai.
Mafuyu, evidently, visited the most out of the four of them. So much that she brought her phone. Kanade wondered how many times Mafuyu had visited solely to cry away from public eye only to return to her real life facade.
"Maybe if we start walking...that way...?" Mafuyu points with her free hand. Kanade can't quite discern what exactly she's pointing at as there's nothing everywhere, but she nods and agrees. Mafuyu takes the first step and Kanade follows. With blankets for warmth and each other for sanity, they head away from the center of operations and into the unknown.
Into the limbo and whatever was to follow.